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Finally, Heinz is asleep. His breathing is soft and deep, and he’s clinging to Perry like a limpet. It’s nice. It’s comfortable- domestic, even. Like they’ve fallen into a pattern, despite this being the first night together. Perry hates to get up, but he has to.
Extracting himself from Heinz’s octopus-like grip, he grabs his boxers and hat from the floor and steps into the bathroom.
Once he’s a little more dressed, he shuts the door and turns the light on. It’s nearly blinding, this late at night, and it takes a few moments to adjust.
Even after he’s adjusted, the image in the mirror still looks far too bright. Too shiny. Too perfect.
Like a normal human being. That’s not who he is, though. He’s a secret agent. And spending any amount of time in OWCA headquarters will prove that secret agents aren’t normal.
Anyway, going to sleep with a mask on like this isn’t going to do him any good, so it’s time to take it off. He takes a thing of makeup wipes out of his hat and sets them on the counter.
Yeah. Makeup. What, a guy like him can’t wear makeup? (Okay, yeah, the gay thing goes along with makeup a lot. But the secret agent, stereotypically hyper-masculine persona he has to wear at work, well, that doesn’t.)
It’s not like you could tell from looking, anyway. It’s just to hide.
See, the thing about being a secret agent is that he gets beat up sometimes. And a lot of the time, bad guys don’t want to stick to hitting the places easily covered by clothes. So in order to hide the injuries from his far-too-observant family, he’s got to cover them well.
Which means he’s gotten really good at doing makeup. So good, in fact, that when Candace asked for makeup for Christmas, Perry was the one that ended up showing her how to do it.
He covered that “hidden” talent up by saying he did makeup crew for a theater group’s productions in college.
It’s kind of the same thing, though, isn’t it? A false life, a made up face, performances every night- the stage now is just a living room, a dinner table, a bedroom.
He’s not surprised Heinz didn’t notice, despite being entwined earlier in the evening. But he never has been all that observant, and Perry was doing his best to be...distracting.
One pass with the wipe gets a little of it off, starting to reveal today’s injuries. A black eye from three days ago, an angry red cut down one cheek, and the scar across his forehead that’s been there for years.
Usually, it takes him about ten minutes to get everything off his face, or at least close enough. Tonight, it takes him longer, since everything has been so thoroughly sweat-proofed. (He kinda knew he was going to be getting...up close and personal with Heinz tonight. Call it a feeling, call it a three-date rule, it comes out the same in the end.)
It’s a pain to do all this, but it’s better than the questions. Are you okay. Who did this to you. Do you need help. All of them questions that demand an answer, answers he can’t tell. Answers that won’t be satisfactory.
So he covers everything up. Everything. Every flaw that he wasn’t born with. The black eyes, the cuts, the scrapes, the scars. The perpetual dark circles of too many missions and never enough sleep.
And at night, when nobody’s watching, the mask comes off enough to sleep. When he’s alone, it’s not a big deal. Rooming with other agents on missions is the same, nobody cares if you look beat up, because everybody is. Everyone’s fucked in their own ways.
But this is different. It’s another layer of vulnerability he’s throwing away. And if he wakes up early enough, Heinz will be none the wiser. Makeup stains, so staying like this isn’t an option. And Heinz has seen enough of his scars already, so what’s the point?
It just feels different because it’s his face, Perry rationalizes. So he packs his hat back up, turns off the light, and exits the bathroom.
The door creaks as it opens, prompting a stirring from the bed.
“Perry?” Heinz asks, sitting up and turning on the lamp. His face morphs from confusion to shock. “Oh no, are you okay? Well, I mean,” he says, answering his own question, “of course not, you’re all beat up.”
Perry hesitates, then sits down on the bed, avoiding eye contact. This is going to get awkward.
“Who did this to you? Was it me? I hope it wasn’t me, I try not to hit you in the face. Do I need to go lecture Monobrow about giving you a break?”
It would be great if that worked.
“Please, Perry. I care about you. Are you okay?”
Sigh. Time to explain, and hope that he gets it. I’d rather cover everything up than answer questions from people who don’t know I’m an agent, he eventually signs.
“Oh,” Heinz says. “That makes sense, I guess. But I know you’re a secret agent, so why hide that from me? It’s not like I haven’t seen your other scars.”
Perry shrugs. It’s hard to explain. There’s something weird about showing someone your true face. He’s the only one that has to see himself in the mirror. This just doesn’t feel right.
It’s all far too much to think about this late at night. But he has to. No matter the fact he’s exhausted, the air needs to be cleared.
I’m sorry, Perry signs.
“For what?”
Perry does a double take. For not telling the truth, he signs. That’s the underlying issue, right?
“Yeah, I guess there’s that. But you’re a secret agent, and that means keeping secrets, right? I just- I thought we were past these kinds of secrets, y’know?”
Perry nods. That’s true, at least. Habits from their nemesis-ship are hard to break- this feels too vulnerable, even though it’s the right thing to do.
Heinz notices the way he’s struggling to keep from yawning, and holds Perry’s face in one hand. He traces the scars and cuts and bruises on Perry’s face with one finger of his other hand.
“You’re beautiful,” Heinz whispers, so softly Perry isn’t sure he said it on purpose. “I don’t want to see you hurt. I know, your job and all that, but still. Be careful?”
Perry looks down. I’ll try, he signs, motions small and sheepish.
“We can talk about this more in the morning, okay? You’re exhausted.” And with that, Heinz wraps an arm around Perry and pulls him back down flat. “Go to sleep, love. For real, this time.”
Perry almost wants to stay up, but this is safe, somehow. Heinz isn’t going to hurt him, he’s not going to pry.
He’s just going to accept Perry.
And that makes everything worth it.