Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"So... Where do we go now?" 
Slider's deep voice echoed in the silent night, while Ice stared up at the inky black sky, listening intently to the raindrops pattering on the asphalt as though he'd hear some secret message that would give them a way out of this mess. 

It all started when Iceman had decided to try out Freddie Mercury's advice and taken Slider on a long ride on his motorbike, to celebrate their three month dating anniversary. Everything was going well. They had dinner at some random run-down diner-slash-bar-slash-restaurant, where they could make out in secret. They could hold hands in public and nobody would bat an eye. There were no prying gazes that lingered on their interlaced fingers, no whispers behind hidden faces and no ugly, venomous glares. There was only an exhausted bartender who was waiting for her shift to end and an old man with unkempt hair and one foot in the grave. 

The food they ordered was surprisingly tasty and they enjoyed every minute of their secret little date. At about 11 PM, they walked out of the restaurant, hands linked together and scarves wrapped tightly around their necks as the rain began growing more aggressive. Should have brought an umbrella. Ice cursed internally.

They were planning on making it home before 12 and calling it a night. (Yes, they were roommates. Two young, unmarried and definitely heterosexual lieutenants and childhood friends, sharing a two-bedroom house was awfully convenient when it came to saving up on rent in San Diego.) 

However, their plan was foiled when, halfway through their journey, a drunk car driver decided to fall asleep on the steering wheel and crash into the two young lieutenants. Ice had managed to swerve and jump off with Slider just in time to avoid any injuries, but his bike had unfortunately recieved the full impact and was now reduced to nothing but a pile of metal and paint. 

And now they were soaked to the bone, stranded in the middle of nowhere at 12 AM without a backup plan. And it was all Ice's fault. 

"Ice?" Slider spoke up again, snapping the younger man out of his trance. 

"I'm sorry, Sli." Ice turned to his boyfriend with a guilty expression as the raindrops ran down from his hairline to his chin and down his face. "I ruined tonight. God, I'm so-"

"Hey." Slider grasped his shoulder firmly and softly tiled Ice's chin up so he could look him in the eyes. "What did we say about apologising?"

Ice sighed. 

When they had first met, Slider was 13 and Ice was 12. His father had kicked him out of the house and made him sleep in the yard because he had cleared his throat out loud while his father was talking. Somehow, Admiral Kazansky thought his son was being disrespectful by clearing his throat, indicating that he wanted to interrupt. Of course, interrupting the Admiral while he was talking was considered a felony in the Kazansky household and was punishable by spending one night outside in the cold.

In truth, Tom wasn't even trying to interrupt his father. He was just sick. Of course, the Admiral wouldn't have any of that "bullshit", so he had kicked Tom out of the house for the night to teach him about "respecting his superiors". 

That was how Ron, coming back from a baseball game at 9 PM, had run into Tom, who was sobbing outside his house, shivering in his thin grey T Shirt as the November air stung his skin like wasps. 
Since then, they had become fast friends after discovering the many things they had in common. As they grew older, Ron realised Tom had a terrible habit of apologising for normal, everyday things that shouldn't even merit acknowledgement.

He had finally had enough when, at 15, Tom apologised for getting sick. It was only then, that Ron found out how much Admiral Kazansky had really tortured and manipulated his friend. He had consciously tried to get Ice to stop apologising for normal stuff since then. They had made some progress over their 9 years of knowing each other, but it was still a long road to recovery. Sometimes, Ice didn't think he deserved Slider. Times like these, when he let his boyfriend down, he felt like a disappointment. He was a disappointment.

Maybe his father was right. 

"Ice, love, you're spiralling." Slider gripped his wrist and Ice realised that he was, indeed, spiralling. Tears were blurring his vision, but he was quick to blink them away, hoping they were disguises well in the downpour. 

"Sorr-" Ice was about to apologise again, but caught himself, not wanting to elicit another hour long lecture from Sli. "I just wanted to make you feel happy. Ugh, this is such a disaster."

"Hey, who says I'm not happy?"

Ice gave him a deadpan glare. "We're stuck on the road in the middle of the night with nowhere to go and an incoming storm, Slider. You can't possibly be happy right now."

"I'm always happy if I'm with you."

That statement made Ice blush, his head spinning as he got lost in Slider's beautiful eyes and shy, sheepish grin. His normally spiked-up hair was now sticking to his forehead and his thin white shirt may as well have not been there, considering how it was practically transparent, sticking to every curve of Ron's body and contouring around his rock hard abs. 
Keep that up and something else is gonna be rock hard, too. Ice bit his lip. However his daydream was broken by his boyfriend's teeth chattering as he pulled his jacket closer to him. 

"T-That being said," Slider shivered. "I am cold. The rain's getting heavier, and I'm not a lizard like you. "

Ice rolled his eyes and considered his options for a moment. They could walk around in search of a phone booth and call Cougar to pick them up, disrupting his peaceful night with his pregnant wife. They could wait until morning and possibly catch pneumonia, freeze to death or get frostbitten. They could hitch-hike and risk being kidnapped by a serial killer, because who the fuck drives by on an empty highway in the middle of the night? 

Or they could... No, they couldn't. Ice shook his head. He didn't even want to consider it. That was not an option under any circumstances. 
"I don't know what to do, Sli."

Just then, lightening flashed before them, followed by a loud booming thunder. Slider flinched, huddling closer to his boyfriend for warmth and comfort. It broke Ice's heart seeing his boyfriend like that. He knew how much Sli hated storms, after losing his younger brother in a cyclone almost 10 years ago. When Slider winced again as another crack of thunder echoed in their ears, Ice decided to bite the bullet as hard as he could. He would do this for Sli. He would do anything for Sli. 

"I-I might have a way." He muttered, still unsure of himself. 

"You do?" The hope and relief in Slider's voice instantly disintegrated any doubt Ice had in his mind. 

"Yeah. My parents' house is closeby." He said shortly and Slider hesitated. 

"Ice... Will they even let you-"

"My older sister, Sarah is there too. They'll have to let us stay if she insists. She's kind of the um... " Ice cleared his throat. "The model child of the family. The _"only one out of all of us who's not a disappointment"_ according to dad." Ice scoffed bitterly, tears once again filling his eyes. 

There were only two Kazansky children. 

Chapter Text

And so they found themselves waiting at the foot of the three stairs that led up to a polished Mahogany door, breaths held in anticipation among the many fake and real flowering plants and freshly trimmed grass as they hoped and wished for Admiral Kazansky to be in a good mood.

Their hopes were crushed, however, when the now-retired Admiral begrudgingly opened the door with a sour expression that gave him the air of a territorial bulldog. His eyes hardened when his gaze landed upon them, and for a moment Slider could see where Ice got his ice-cold glare from.

The three men stood in silence for a long moment that felt like an eternity, neither of them speaking a word and nobody daring to break eye contact. Ice swallowed a lump in his throat, looking pleadingly up at the man whom he had avoided like the plague for the last 8 years. 

"Tom." Admiral Kazansky spoke up, his voice dripping with smug arrogance and authority. "And it looks like you've brought a stray." His gaze shifted and he eyed Slider up and down, hands folded in front of him as he tapped his foot on the threshold, which was about a foot above where they were standing. Slider simply glared up at him and gritted his teeth, analysing the Admiral's upright and strict posture. He had the higher ground, figuratively and literally, and he knew it. This was a clear power play and Slider wasn't about to back down. This was the first time he'd met the Admiral, and before tonight, he hadn't thought somebody could be capable of pushing so many buttons with a single look, but here he was.

"What are you doing here?" He got straight to the point.

Slider took one glance at his boyfriend and knew he had to speak up on Ice's behalf. "There was an ac-"

The Admiral held a hand up, glaring at Slider. "I didn't ask you." He snapped his fingers in Ice's direction, as the younger man immediately flinched and straightened up, keeping his gaze fixed on the ground. "You." Look at me when I'm speaking."
"S-sorry, sir!" Ice balled his hands into fists and reluctantly met his father's gaze.
"As I was saying, do you have a good reason for turning up in the middle of the night without permission?"

Permission? Slider thought, bewildered. Who needs permission to approach their own fucking parents?

"We-" Ice began, but cut himself off to take a slow, calming breath. "We got into an accident. My bike is totally trashed and we've got nowhere to go." He muttered, voice breaking near the end. Slider didn't miss how his boyfriend's fingers were picking at a loose thread in his scarf and his ears were going red: a classic indication that Ice was stressed. Slider visibly flinched when there was a particularly loud roar of thunder. He bit his lip, internally cursing himself for dropping his guard."

Umm... We were wondering if we could stay here for the night, sir." Ice continued, crossing his fingers in the hope that his father would have pity on them. 

After a moment's pause, Admiral Kazansky spoke up.
"Why were you on a bike with another man?"

Ice froze. His throat went dry as he struggled to look straight into his father's scrutinising gaze, feeling as though the Admiral was peeling off each layer of his heart so he could strike deep under the surface. Without missing a beat, Slider came to the rescue.

"My wife went into labour, sir. He was kind enough to offer to drop me at the hospital."
Ice shared a grateful glance with his boyfriend, but didn't let it linger for too long, fearing his father would see through their lie. Ice shivered slightly, but tried not to let it show. It would have been harder if they were still in the rain, but at least the threshold provided some shelter.

Kazansky Sr. stayed silent for another moment, eyeing Slider like he was a dead rat his cat just brought in. "Why don't you have a vehicle of your own?"

What the fuck is up with this guy? Slider thought. Why is he asking so many questions?  He cleared his throat while sharing a glance with Ice, trying to buy himself time to come up with a convincing lie. It was twice as hard as normal, thanks to the fact that he hadn't come out of the crash quite as unscathed as he would have liked. His head was begging to pound and he was certain he had sprained his ankle or something.

He swallowed down the rush of pain and gritted his teeth. "My wife has my car. She used it to drive to the hospital." He swallowed.

"Your wife drove while in labour?"

Fuck. The questions just wouldn't end. Slider felt like he was coming apart at the seams from the sheer venom in the Admiral's voice, and he hadn't even known him for 5 minutes. He couldn't even begin to imagine spending 17 years under this man's roof. His respect for Ice grew tenfold in that moment and his heart swelled with emotion.

"Yeah. She's got a really high pain tolerance. God, she's a brave woman." Slider smiled softly, trying to look as though he was really fond of his imaginary wife. Just when he thought the Admiral was about to ask another intrusive question, a feminine voice broke the silence.
"Dad? Who is it?" Sarah peeked out the door and her eyes immediately lit up at the sight of her little brother and his boyfriend. She knew about them, of course, because Ice told her everything. He trusted her with everything. "Tom!"

Ice gave her a small, shy smile and waved his hand, the sight absolutely melting Slider's heart. He had no clue how someone who was known for being a frigid hardass could have such a soft aide to them. It was maddening.

"Tom, indeed." The Admiral sneered.

"Dad, let them in, please. They're soaked to the bone!" Sarah pointed at how Slider was practically vibrating even under two layers of clothing. He blinked slowly as a sudden spell of dizziness took over his senses. It took every ounce of willpower in him for Slider to stay standing upright.

"Don't tell me what to do, Sarah." He said coldly. "Did you forget about the fact that he's cut us out of his life for so long?"

"You." Sarah interrupted. "He cut you out, dad. Not us. Please, let them in. It's just for the night."
Ice shot her a teary eyed look filled with gratitude, and Sarah simply smiled.

The Admiral scoffed. "He doesn't get to cut me out for 7 years and then crawl back under my roof like nothing happened."

Ice hung his head in shame and hurt, trying to figure out how to convince his father. "Dad, please just let us in. We'll leave first thing in the morning, I swear!" He begged.

"Ice." Slider suddenly grabbed the younger man by the shoulder. "Ice, I don't feel good." His head was positively killing him now and he couldn't fight the dizziness anymore.

"Dad, please!" Sarah cried, distress evident in her voice. "He's hurt. Just let them in for the night!"

Slider's knees buckled and he would have hit his head directly on the concrete stairs had it not been for Ice's lightening fast reflexes. He held his boyfriend upright by the shoulders and looked helplessly up at his father.

"Dad!" Sarah prodded and finally, the Admiral caved.

"Fine." He huffed. "Come in. Don't expect hospitality, though."

Of course. Who could be so foolish to expect hospitality from their own father? Ice thought bitterly. The Admiral was probably only helping them to avoid getting sued for third-degree  murder, since his boyfriend practically looked dead on his feet. How had Ice not noticed he was hurt? He scoffed as he and Sarah carried Slider into the dimly lit house.

----------------

They had patched Slider up, with absolutely no help from Admiral Kazansky, who kept shooting his son nasty glares as Ice failed to hide his concern for his boyfriend. Sarah, sensing his brother's emotional turmoil, had managed to convince the Admiral to go to sleep, saying she would take care of everything else.

And now Slider was lying on the couch, having a random conversation with Ice, who chose to sleep on the floor with nothing but a blanket and a pillow. "Go to sleep, Sli. It'll help with your headache." Ice muttered, reaching for his boyfriend's hand in the darkness.

"Mmm... " Slider groaned sleepily, drawing out a soft chuckle from Ice. "But my head already feels good." He mumbled.

"Sure."

"It does! I'm perfectly fine, I swear!"

"Okay, Sli. Just go to sleep."

"Why, so you can stay up thinking all night?"

Ice was quiet.

"Yeah. I know you, Ice. You're gonna keep torturing yourself until the sun finally rises and then you're gonna pretend you had a good night's sleep."

"I don't... " Ice tried to argue, but where was the lie in Slider's statements?

"You do, Ice. And I'm not sleeping until you are, so you best be working on gettin' that shut-eye."

Ice's throat went dry. Slider didn't deserve this. Why did he end up ruining everything, no matter how hard he tried? Slider needed to sleep, and now he wouldn't even do that, because of Ice. His father's voice began echoing in his head, louder than usual, as it spewed insults at him.

You're a disgrace. Nobody could ever love you!
God, I wish Sarah was my only child!
Why can't you ever do anything right?

Suddenly, Ice shot upright. "I'm gonna go get a glass of water. You want anything?" He muttered, throwing the virtually useless blanket off his cold form.

"Just you." Ice could hear the smile in Slider's voice. Blushing, he walked over to the kitchen, his body shivering from the cold. His clothes were still soaked and he gave his jacket to Slider so he had nothing to warm himself with. For one of the few times in his life, he really and truly felt like an Ice-man. Gritting his teeth to keep them from chattering, Ice opened the cabinet and reached for an empty glass.

Before he knew what was happening, the glass slipped from his trembling grasp and plummeted to the floor, shattering with a loud crash.

His heart stopped.

"Ice? What's wrong? What was that sound?"

He could hear shuffling coming from the living room, but he couldn't react. He was frozen in place, feet rooted to the cold wooden floor. He wasn't even in the kitchen anymore. He was falling into a bottomless pit, his heart hammering at a mile a minute as though compensating for every beat it had skipped in Slider's presence. He was going to be punished. His father was going to come down here and hurt him, or even worse, hurt Slider.

No. He tried to swallow, but his throat had morphed into the coarsest of sand papers. This can't be happening.

And just like that, Ice was nothing more than a terrified 8 year old kid again, lying in a pile of his own sick, sobbing at his father's feet after he had beat him up for asking a question about his mom's condition. He had no control over his thoughts and he was spiralling, falling into the abyss with nothing to hold onto as he sank deeper into the torturous confines of his own mind.

Flinching violently when he felt foreign hands on his shoulders, Ice tried to back away into the wall, but ended up hissing in pain as he stepped on a shard of glass.

"Ice? Ice! Baby, talk to me please. You're shaking like a leaf!" Slider gripped him by the biceps and tried to get his boyfriend to look at him, but failing miserably.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, dad, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry-" His legs gave way and he sank into Slider's embrace, while the older man carefully sat him down against the wall. He didn't know what to do. Ice hadn't had a slip-up this bad in years, the last time being immediately after they got into flight school. He had the occasional intrusive thoughts and bad days here and there, but Slider always knew what to do in those cases. Now, however, he was out of his depth.

"Okay, just-just stay here, baby. I'm gonna go look for something to wrap your foot with. Don't worry, I won't go far."

Ice was too deep in his thoughts to respond to whatever Slider was saying, and chose to hide his face in his hands, trying not to think of what would happen if his father saw him like this. He stayed that way for an indeterminable amount of time. It could have been a minute, or it could have been an hour, until Slider re-emerged from the bathroom.

"I found a first-aid k-" Slider raised his voice, but stopped himself immediately, hoping he hadn't woken the Admiral. "Tom?" He whispered, drawing closer to his boyfriend, who was now shivering violently with his head hidden in his hands, shoulders rising and falling with each hitchy, unsteady breath. "Tom, baby, it's okay, he's not here." He crouched down next to Ice. "It's just me. I've got you, Ice, you don't need to worry about anything." Slider soothed, squeezing Ice's shoulder. "Darling, will you please look at me?" He ran a hand through Ice's soft blond hair, which was still damp from the rain.

"N-no, " He whimpered. "I-I'm sorry, please, don't hurt me, I didn't mean to."

The sight of his boyfriend crying and shaking and sobbing like that broke Slider's heart and he wanted nothing more than to punch Kazansky Sr. In the fucking nuts and laugh at his misery. But before that, he needed to make sure Ice was okay.

"Baby, just breathe for me. That's it, Ice. Just one. It's okay." He simultaneously began working on cleaning and wrapping Ice's leg up. Thankfully, the shard hadn't gotten stuck inside and only drew a bit of blood. Slider shushed him when Ice winced in pain, sweat forming on his forehead, which was slightly concerning, considering how cold it was. "It's okay, Ice, I'm here. Just focus on your breathing, okay? I've got you."

Ice tried, he really fucking tried, but he couldn't help the desperate sobs that made their way out of him. Once again, his father's voice was screaming in his head.

You're weak!
He's going to leave you!
Nobody loves you. Nobody wants you. Not even your own family!

Slider, realising Ice's grip on reality was slipping, quickly finished wrapping up his foot and gently took Ice's hand in his, feeling how he shook violently from the dread and fear. He pulled Ice closer and pressed the shorter man's head against his chest so he could hear his heart.

"Just try to match my breathing, okay?" He took a deep, exaggerated breath and waited for Ice to copy him. This usually worked whenever Ice had panic attacks, but he'd never had one as severe as this, so Slider was apprehensive.

Ice tried to take a breath like Slider wanted him to, but he couldn't even do that. What a fucking failure. Can't even breathe right. His father muttered in his head. He tried again, but ended up sputtering and choking on the air. They stayed that was for a long time, with Tom trying to ground himself by listening to Ron's breathing, while the older man simply held him, ignoring how he had to awkwardly hunch to one side to hug Ice properly. Back pain was the least of his worries right now.

By the time Ice was finally calm enough to pull away from his boyfriend, it was You good?" Slider muttered, rubbing Ice's back.

"Y-yeah. God, I'm so sorry, Sli-"

"Shh. Don't apologise. It's not your fault." Slider kissed his forehead and stood up, trying to stretch out his spine.

"W-where are you going?"

"Gotta clean this up, babe. Can't have your dad finding out."

Ice bit his lip, tears choking him as guilt flooded in his heart. "Fuck, Sli, let me help. It's my fau-"

"Don't you dare." Slider warned him as Ice stood up, too. "You need rest. We've still got 3 hours until sunrise and I want you to sleep."

"But, baby, I-"

"Sleep."

"Slider-"

"Sleep." His boyfriend cracked a small smile, not letting Ice argue.

"Listen-"

"Sleep."

Finally, Ice sighed, offering a small smile as he realised his boyfriend wasn't letting up until Ice finally got some sleep. This was his go-to strategy to get Ice to do something. He just kept repeating the same word until his boyfriend caved, which he knew he inevitably would. Truth be told, Ice was extremely exhausted, his flashback having sucked all the energy out of him.

"Fine." He raised his hands in submission.

"Good. And take the couch."

"Sli-"

"Couch." Ice rolled his eyes.

"Alright, alright. I'll take the couch."

"Good boy." Slider winked, making Ice blush.

"Thank you so much, Sli."

"Anytime, babe." Slider blew him a kiss as Ice made his way to lay down on the couch.

"Anytime."