Work Text:
Daisuke slung an arm around Yosuke’s shoulders as he joked merrily to Kou. Yosuke tried not to stumble.
He saw Daisuke and Kou do that sort of friendly contact all the time—saw lots of guys do it, actually. It seemed to be the norm. Yosuke didn’t know why it set him on edge. It was normal. That was what guys did. He knew what he was meant to get out of it, too. A feeling of manly bonding. That was why it was never gentle like a girl’s touch. It was a rough sling around the shoulders, a punch to the arm, a slap on the back.
But when Yosuke got a friendly jab, he flinched. It came reflexively to him. Friendly or not, his brain only wanted to react like someone had hit him, and he obviously didn’t want to be hit. Back in the city, his guy friends did it all the time to poke fun at his reactions. He had tried so hard to train that reaction out of himself.
At least Daisuke and Kou didn’t mention it when he stood uncomfortably under the heavy weight of Daisuke’s arm, trying to laugh it off and unsure how to act.
That was another reason he liked Yu. Yu didn’t do that sort of thing. In fact, he never touched Yosuke at all, save for a handshake when they met. There was no need for him to be on the defense when Yu was so reserved and polite. He made it easy.
*
There was probably a reason he wasn’t into that stuff anyway. It was because Yosuke much preferred the touch of a woman, a fact he made known to everyone around him. Because girls were sexy. Girls with long legs, big breasts, slim waists—girls, girls, girls. Yosuke had been thinking about girls a lot more lately. Well, he was getting older, it was only natural. He needed to get a girlfriend soon. The only real girlfriend he’d had was short-lived, back in the city. They’d only kissed once.
Yosuke spent a lot of time poring over the magazines under his futon at night. Staring at perfect, camera-ready bodies, tracing every curve and dip with his eyes. Most nights, he went further than just looking.
*
Yosuke would never be able to understand Kanji. He had nothing against him, but he’d never understand it. There was nothing confusing about it to him. A girl with a nice body was attractive, and a guy’s body just wasn’t. All of Yosuke’s friends knew he felt that way. Yosuke knew he felt that way because he reminded himself of it every night. Maybe Kanji just wasn’t trying hard enough.
But he wouldn’t tell him that, because Yu didn’t seem to like him saying anything to Kanji about that. He guessed it made sense. Who would want to spend any time thinking about that?
*
As he got closer to Yu, he started to wonder about his taste in girls. It wasn’t something Yu ever talked about of his own volition, which only made Yosuke more curious. When he’d asked before, Yu had told him he wasn’t interested in Chie or Yukiko. But of course, it was different with them, since the worst sides of them were Yu’s first impressions.
But Yosuke had seen him talk to girls at school recently. Pretty girls, girls who seemed to like him. There was no way in hell he wasn’t considering one of them. And now that Rise had joined the team, she had to be taking up his thoughts like she took up Yosuke’s.
When he asked, Yu had taken his time to answer, his eyes exerting the same thoughtfulness they had when thinking of tactics in battle. Yu’s eyes were probably his best feature. He could imagine a lot of girls going for that steely-eyed look.
“No,” Yu said finally. “There aren’t any girls I see that way right now.”
But Yosuke didn’t believe him, no matter what he said. Not with Rise hanging on to his every word and trailing after him like a puppy.
*
Chie was a good friend, but way too much to handle. Besides, she had a bit too much muscle on her for his tastes.
Yukiko looked great, but she’d already rejected him before. Plus, she spent so much time with Chie, it’d be enough to make him feel like a third-wheel in his own relationship.
Rise was cute, sexy, and friendly…but she only wanted Yu, and she made no attempt to hide it. Yosuke didn’t want to be pissed off at his best friend, but a part of him was. Of course Yu had stolen her affections. Of course. He was basically nothing, and Yu was…basically perfect. He wished he could cast aside that feeling of jealousy that arose when he saw them together.
There weren’t any other girls he knew who actually liked him enough to spend time with him. The last one he’d liked a lot and cared about turned out to not like him at all, and then she ended up dead. Sometimes he felt like a girl-repellent. Or, really, a people-repellent, because there were very few of anyone who liked him enough to spend time with him.
In a perfect world, Yosuke decided he would want a girl with the body of Rise and the personality of Yu.
*
Yosuke had accepted the fact that he’d never been able to like the whole ‘dudes shoving around other dudes as a symbol of friendship’ thing.
It was a relief that Yu didn’t do that stuff. But recently, something changed, and it seemed that Yu was starting to do just that.
Except Yu was doing it all wrong, because his touch wasn’t rough at all.
There was a hand between his shoulderblades, not slung about carelessly, but cautiously, deliberately. Whatever serious topic they’d been talking about immediately slipped from Yosuke’s mind. Yu’s hand was soothing, the kind of closeness he imagined getting from his future girlfriend. Maybe he wanted to lean into it.
“What are you doing, partner?” Yosuke laughed, shrugging off Yu’s hand. “It’s not like I’m some crying girl you need to comfort.”
The downturn to Yu’s lips was so slight, most would miss it, but Yosuke knew he was frowning. Yu wasn’t very expressive; it was one of his few flaws. Well, Yosuke never saw it as a flaw, but he assumed a lot of girls would find it to be a turn off, would never give Yu enough time and attention to pick up on the cues Yosuke did.
“I thought it might help,” Yu said, with something genuine in his voice, the same genuineness that had pulled him time and time again to be genuine as well, even when he wanted nothing more than to lie with a smile and forget about it.
“Well, it’s not like it was awful,” Yosuke admitted. “It was, uh, a nice gesture, I guess.”
When that frown dissipated from Yu’s face, he figured it was worth it.
*
For once, Yosuke wholly regretted being honest. Because Yu didn’t take his admission as a pardon like he meant it to be. He took it as an encouragement.
It got worse over time. Sitting far closer than he needed to be. Pressing their shoulders together. Even a hand resting over the back of his. It got worse over time, but Yosuke didn’t say or do anything to stop it. Every touch sparked something uncomfortable yet exciting in his stomach, something unknown that he was afraid to recognize. He felt as though he were being pulled in two, opposite directions: wanting it to stop, but needing it to continue. This wasn’t the kind of touching two guys usually did, and he knew it. Surely, Yu knew it too.
It was making him all confused and mixed-up inside, ruining the perfect thing he’d built for himself. When he looked at his magazines at night, he found himself unable to focus, frustrated, his mind drifting to places it shouldn’t.
He needed to sort himself out.
*
When he demanded for Yu to hit him, to knock out all the crap inside him, he didn’t expect Yu to request him to do the same. Maybe they were on the same page. Maybe Yu could see how he was messing Yosuke up, and he wanted to fix it too.
So, they fought. Yosuke, at least, with the intention to be a man in the way he always fell short of.
To his surprise, Yu didn’t hold back in the slightest. His punches hurt, and they came fast. When he went straight for the nose, Yosuke panicked and tackled him—suddenly, they were wrestling.
With each push and pull, each shove, each punch, Yosuke felt the mess inside him untangle, bit by bit, and clear out. The shock at Yu’s aggressiveness faded as pain, sensation, and movement took over. There was no room for thinking. For a short while, everything made sense. They were on the same playing field. Equals, in every sense of the word.
By the time they were finished, Yosuke’s chest was heaving as he lay on the grassy hillside, sweat running down his face, catching his breath. Honestly, he wasn’t sure if there was a winner in the fight. They both seemed to have just decided it was done.
He could hear Yu panting next to him, and he propped himself up on his elbow to see him.
Yu looked up at him with the same intense eyes he always had.
With adrenaline still pumping through him, Yosuke realized that even though his head was clearer than it’d been in a long time, nothing had changed about how he felt.
He still thought Yu’s face was nicer to stare at than most of the pretty girls he touted.
He still craved Yu’s hands on him more than he ever did the hands of flawless, imaginary girls in scenarios he took from movies.
He still admired Yu more than anyone he ever had before.
“Did the crap get knocked out?” Yu asked simply, not looking away.
Yosuke felt his face get warm with embarrassment. He couldn’t seem to speak. All that skin-to-skin contact, and it wasn’t enough. He wanted more. He wanted to take Yu’s hand. Not because he wanted to hold hands with a girl, and Yu was his only substitute—but because Yu had good, capable, strong hands that Yosuke imagined fitting well in his own. He didn’t want to keep running away from it.
Because he couldn’t think of any words to express this feeling, he reached down and took Yu’s hand in his own.
Briefly, Yu looked down, his eyes widening just slightly at their hands.
“Yosuke,” Yu said, almost calmly, and if he didn't know any better from so long studying his reactions, he'd miss the hitch in his breath. Yu shifted his hand so they interlocked more comfortably, dispelling any second thoughts Yosuke may have had.
“I feel like I can finally stand shoulder-to-shoulder with you,” Yosuke said, slowly regaining his voice. “And I don’t want to be a coward anymore. I guess I realized that I wanted you to acknowledge me so badly for reasons that…scared me.” He could only stare down at the grass, unable to look up, his chest constricting with mostly fear and a bit of hope.
Yosuke tightened his grip on Yu’s hand. His grip was so tight, it was a little painful. But he felt like this courage would all slip away if his grip relaxed. “You know, I—I really like you, partner,” he said, quiet enough to be a mumble. There was very little ambiguity to those words, and he knew it.
A smile graced Yu’s face, the slightest upturn of his lips that seemed to change his entire energy. Yosuke’s heart had never pounded so hard.