Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Everyone has a soulmate. One person destined to be their perfect match, somewhere out in the world. The day you are born, the Fates etch the first words your soulmate ever says to you on the inside of your wrist, though you yourself are the only one who can see it. Many people consider this a perfect system: you’ll know the love of your life from the moment you meet them. 

The only problem people had was finding the person. Some people never did, some went so far out of their way to find their soulmate, they wasted years of their lives on a search that was never fruitful. Though for the lucky ones who got to meet their soulmate, it is said that their lives are perfectly happy while they have their one true match.

What a total load of bullshit.

There is no way that this universe-approved person was the only way to feel whole. Sure, maybe it’s nice to have someone who loves you, but you’ll still have problems!

Besides, Nico thought, there was so much more that makes them complete apart from some random stranger they're apparently supposed to be spending their life with. They’re getting their master’s degree! They’re an avid painter, they love to read, they collect antique teacups… They’ve got a lot more going on than waiting around for some stranger to come whisk them off their feet.

Why were they even thinking about soulmates so much? Probably because they’d just met their cousin’s soulmate. They were perfect together, obviously. The way he smiled when he looked into her eyes… It was like they were in perfect harmony with one another.

But they weren’t about to give up on two decades of pessimism and hatred of the concept of soulmates as a whole just because their cousin gave this girl one dopey look. They were happy for them and everything, but they still didn’t think they’d ever meet their own soulmate. They weren’t sure if they even wanted to meet their soulmate, no offense to whoever it was.

And apart from that, they doubted they’d know who it was, even if they did meet. Though they had a couple words etched across their wrist, they didn’t think they’d ever hear someone say it. In fact, they knew they’d never hear someone say it.

But Nico, you cry, why would you think that? Maybe you are one of the lucky ones! Not everyone is destined to meet their soulmate, true, but many still do! Don’t be so pessimistic, maybe someone will say those special words tattooed on your wrist. And that’s true, maybe they would.

But they wouldn’t hear it.

Nico is deaf, a fact about them that they are rather proud of, and anyone who ever dared pity them was in for a world of pain. They didn’t mind being deaf.

But unless their soulmate signed to them, Nico probably wouldn’t know that they’d met this supposed true love of theirs. Which is fine! They’re not bitter about it. Like they said earlier, they’ve got a lot of other stuff going on.

The buzzing in their pocket pulled them out of their thoughts. They hadn’t realized how long they’d been having this internal monologue, but apparently it had brought them to the end of their shift. It was a relief to finally get to leave this god forsaken place (Claire’s) and go home where they didn’t have to deal with old ladies yelling at them while they stocked shelves, not caring that they were repeatedly telling them that they couldn’t hear what they were yelling for, and little kids running around getting their nasty hands all over everything.

But hey, at least they were getting paid. And their youngest cousin, Estelle, loved that she could get a family discount on all their cutesy little accessories. And Nico, despite their mean and angsty exterior, would do anything to make that kid happy.

Grabbing their bag from the back, Nico said goodbye to their coworkers, heading out the front of the store, scrolling through a mountain of unread text messages. Apparently, everybody and their mom tried to reach them while they were at work.

Of course, Nico got about a million and one texts from their younger sister, Hazel who they’d just recently moved in with. It was strange not living in a big city, but they didn’t really mind. Upstate New York was kind of pretty, and besides, Hazel desperately needed a roommate if she wanted to keep her apartment. So of course, being the good big sibling that they were, Nico moved across the state to live with her.

Living in the city was pretty expensive anyway, and considering they worked at fucking Claire’s, they didn’t really have much money to their name.

Some of the conversations they pointedly avoided opening. Messages from their father, wondering how they were doing, mostly. They weren’t looking where they were going. The great joy of breaking free from capitalism’s cage and finally being able to clock out had them walking on cloud nine, blind to their surroundings. Which wasn’t the best idea, because they were also deaf to their surroundings. Nico opened their messages with their sister, starting to type a reply, when they felt themself collide with another person, and promptly fall over on their backside. 

Their phone clattered to the floor, though they breathed a sigh of relief when they picked it up and saw it hadn’t cracked. That would’ve sucked so much, especially since their sister was planning on ordering a pizza for dinner and asked the time-sensitive question of whether or not they wanted in on that sweet, sweet pie.

Once they’d made sure their phone was alright, they checked on the person they’d walked into. Definitely had their priorities straight on that one.

Sitting in front of them was apparently one of the workers from Build-a-Bear. Either that, or a guy in his mid-twenties who really enjoyed their products, enough to wear a shirt with their logo on it. 

The other guy was talking to them, though Nico didn’t know what he was saying. They never had any interest in learning to read lips. It was difficult, often inaccurate, and it seemed like much more trouble than it was worth. It wasn’t their fault people couldn’t sign. If someone wanted to speak to them, they had to do it in a way Nico understood.

Apparently, this guy hadn’t clocked the blank expression of ‘I have no idea what the fuck you’re saying’ on Nico’s face, nor the pin on their shirt that read ‘I’m not ignoring you, I’m Deaf’. They thought both of those were dead giveaways that they couldn’t fucking hear, but some people were idiots.

And they guessed this guy was one of them, because Nico could see that his mouth was still moving a mile a minute.

Nico decided to put the guy out of his misery. They set their phone down in their lap, signing, “I don’t know what you’re saying. I’m deaf.”

The other man froze, apparently quite embarrassed about having said so much and knowing that Nico didn’t catch any of it. He held up both hands, beginning to concentrate very hard.

It was extremely slow, and every once in a while he would have to spell words out, as he forgot the signs for them, but eventually Build-a-Bear boy managed to say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry, my fault, wasn’t looking.” He seemed fairly proud of himself for getting the basic gist of his point across, even if most of the signs were just a bit off.

Nico took a moment to look at the other person. The first thing they noticed? Build-a-Bear guy was small. They were surprised someone so scrawny could bump into them with enough force to completely knock Nico over onto their ass. But apart from his smallness, the other guy was quite pretty. He had curly hair, quite a bit of it. Underneath his thick glasses, the stranger had the deepest brown eyes Nico had ever seen. Constellation freckles covered his warm brown cheeks, and though most of them were real, it looked like he’d drawn on a couple in bright colored eyeliner, like sprinkles.

So basically, he was absolutely gorgeous.

And Nico had no earthly idea why they were describing strangers like this, nor how the hell they were getting lost in this stranger’s eyes. They had to force themself to break eye contact, which is extremely unusual for them. Nico hated eye contact.

“It’s fine,” Nico began, pointedly looking anywhere but Build-a-Bear’s face. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

They realized they’d have to look at this guy again to see what he said, but when their eyes finally wandered back to him, he was no longer sitting in front of them. Instead, they saw the guy’s legs standing in front of him, his hand stretched out to help Nico back up.

Nico accepted the help, if only to touch the stranger’s warm hand (seriously, what the hell was wrong with them?), before thanking him with their free hand. They hesitated for a moment, quite enjoying the warm, rough feeling of the stranger's palm against their own. Shocked by what they were thinking, Nico let go of Build-a-Bear boy, shoving their hands in their coat pocket so they weren’t tempted to reach out for his hand once again.

Getting a bit sick of referring to this guy only by his profession, Nico’s eyes scanned him for some kind of name tag. They didn’t have to look too hard, considering on the right side of his chest, there it was. His name tag read: “Hello! My name is Leo”, lined with holographic smiley face stickers and glittery stars.

A few moments passed, neither of them quite ready to move away. Nico hated people, they weren't sure why they were so hesitant to leave.

Probably because they’d found someone their age who they could actually communicate with in this new city. Yeah. Yeah, that must be it. 

But they weren't about to do anything crazy, like ask this Leo person if he wanted to hang out sometime just because he spoke ASL. Nico wasn’t that desperate for friends. After a few more moments examining Leo’s confetti freckles before waving at him. Nico slowly started to back away, before finally making their great escape.

As they turned their back to Leo, Nico pulled their phone out of their pocket, remembering the very important conversation they had been having.

Just as they were about to tell their sister they’d love a pizza with meatball and onions, they received the most heart-shattering text of their entire life.

Hazel had ordered the pizza without them.

Chapter Text

The bus ride home was entirely uneventful. Nico arrived at home just as the pizza delivery person was walking away from the door, meaning that when they stole some from their sister it would be nice and hot, which was perfect.

Hazel was still in the kitchen when they went to check on the pizza and commit their dastardly deed, which was quite unfortunate. Before they could ruthlessly steal from their sister, Hazel tapped their arm, signing, “I got you some pizza. There’s some garlic knots, too.”

What a good, kind sister. And here they were, ready to steal hers. What a jerk.

After grabbing a plate from the cabinet, Nico slapped on a couple slices of pizza and two garlic knots, sitting across from her at the table.

After taking a couple bites of pizza, Nice asked, “How was school?” Grease flew off their fingers as they signed, splattering on the table.

Hazel sighed, looking down at the textbook that laid open in front of her. She was pretty good at math, an exceptionally bright scientist, but history? For some reason, it just didn’t stick with her. She couldn’t cruise right through it like she could her other classes.

“Fine,” she decided. “I’ll get through it. I have an exam tomorrow,” she signed before jotting something down in her notebook. 

She probably wants to be left alone, Nico thought, picking up their plate and heading off to their room. Maybe they should respond to their father? Their therapist had told them that the only way they could possibly try to mend their relationship was through communication, but that sounded so exhausting.

Did they even want to mend their relationship? Was it too far gone already?

Honestly, they weren't sure. They had a better relationship than when Nico was young, but still. They weren't sure they could ever fully forgive their father for the things he’d done.

They opened the conversation anyway.

Hello Niccolò . It is your father. How are you faring?

Please respond when you get this. It is lonely without you here.

What the hell were they supposed to say to that? Sorry for leaving, but every second I spent living under your roof felt more and more like I was dying? Sorry for leaving, but living with you hurt me more than you will ever know or care about?

A few moments passed, their fingers hovering over the keys, not quite sure what to say.

I’m fine. We just had dinner.

Probably the most nothing statement they could’ve given, but whatever.

Leaning back against the wall, they sighed, pulling out their laptop. They had to find the perfect thing to watch with their dinner, of course. They hid their phone under the blanket, not wanting to deal with the potential texts they might get from their father while they ate their pizza.

Grease from the pizza dripped down their wrist, and with their lightning fast reflexes, Nico pulled their sleeve down just before the pizza juice touched it. They hadn’t brought a napkin, so they weren't quite sure what they were supposed to do now, though. They watched the grease slide down their arm, darkening the black letters written there. They’d always wondered what kind of person their soulmate might be, when the first words they ever said to them were:

I’m sorry.

What kind of relationship would they have if the first feeling they ever had around them was remorse? Maybe they were reading too much into it. They probably wouldn’t do something catastrophic immediately after they met, right? It was probably something mundane. Maybe they would be spilling something on their shirt, or taking the last thing of Sprite at the store when they really really wanted it.

Or bumping into them. Knocking them over. Literally sweeping them off their feet, if you will.

No. There’s no way. Absolutely no possible way that the guy they’d walked into outside of Claire’s was their soulmate. Even suggesting it was funny.

So what if they hadn’t gotten Build-a-Bear Leo out of their mind the entire ride home? That didn’t mean anything. So what if when their hands touched, it felt like Nico’s heart was about to explode?

… Maybe they should ask Hazel. I mean, it’s impossible that Leo is Nico’s soulmate, but still. Hazel had found hers, maybe she could give them some advice? Or at least calm them down, because this was actually starting to freak them out. They didn’t want to meet their soulmate. They didn’t want to find someone who could know them better than they know themself.

Nico, very casually, got up out of bed, though they completely forgot about their greasy hand, getting pizza junk all over their sheets. Groaning, Nico walked to the kitchen, nonchalantly leaning against the doorframe as to not cause any suspicion as to why they’d come back so soon.

Hazel raised an eyebrow, asking, “What’s up?”

Nico shrugged, signing, “I just came back to say hi,” before crossing their arms. Real cool, Nico. Real casual.

Hazel waved a bit, before going back to her work. Nico wasn’t sure what to do about that, no clue at all how to bring up what it felt like to meet her soulmate without causing any suspicion, not to mention the fact that she was very much busy at the moment.

After a minute of deliberation, they just decided to go for it. If Hazel told them to go away and let her study, then so be it. But he couldn’t just keep standing there like some kind of freak, staring at her with his big ol’ eyes. “How did you know Frank was your soulmate?”

Hazel blinked, kind of surprised they’d ask. She knew how cynical they could be when it came to soulmate business, and they hadn’t shown much interest in her relationship before, apart from sufficiently interrogating Frank to make sure that he was good enough for her. The jury’s still out on that one. Nico would never admit that Frank was a perfect match for their sister.

“Where’d this come from all of a sudden?” Hazel asked, raising an eyebrow. “I mean… Apart from the obvious,” she pointed at the words on her wrist, though of course no one but her could see them. “When I look at him, I feel at home. I feel like I’m drawn to him, you know?” She smiled, looking at the words for a moment. 

Their first meeting was like something out of a movie. She was in her college’s library, scouring the shelves for one particular book. The moment she reached out for it, he reached his hand out as well, their fingertips brushing against each other’s as each of them tried to grab the book. Frank, wanting to be kind, took it off of the high shelf and handed it to Hazel.

“Here,” he told her, “You can have it.”

As she took the book in her hands, Hazel looked up at him for the first time. Her breath hitched in her throat, heart pounding in her chest. She finally realized what it might be like to be in a shojo manga, because she could totally picture this guy as the tough bad boy who rescues kittens in his spare time and gives a girl heart palpitations as he hands her a rose he’d picked himself.

Or something like that. She didn’t know what to say, considering she was just given a book by gentle Hercules.

“Thanks.” Though she was at a loss for words, she knew she didn’t want him to walk away just yet. “Maybe we can read it together?”

When he smiled, Hazel felt like someone had plugged a car battery up to her heart, like it had finally started. And as they sat at a table in the library cafe, each holding a side of the book, she felt more at home than she ever had before. Like he understood her, despite being practically strangers. The world felt warm and safe by his side.

But the idea of telling her sibling all of that mushy gushy garbage sounded awful. Of course she loves Frank, but have you ever tried explaining your feelings about your partner to your older sibling? It’s awful! She’d rather eat glass.

Nico raised their eyebrows, looking at Hazel expectantly.

“When you meet them, you just know,” she signed, shrugging a bit. “I just knew it was him.”

Nico huffed, throwing their hands up. “Not helpful.”

“Do you think you met yours?” Hazel asked. “When do I get to meet them? Are you going to–” Nico cut her off, waving their hands at her. 

“I didn’t meet them,” they said. “I was just asking.”

Hazel didn’t seem too convinced, but decided not to push it. Nico wasn’t the type to spill their secrets willingly anyway. She doubted she’d know about their soulmate before the wedding. She gave them a skeptical look, wanting them to know that she thought they were a big big liar, before turning back to her textbook.

Nico knew Hazel wasn’t convinced. She always saw right through them, despite how good they thought they were at lying. After grabbing themself a soda from the fridge, they made the walk of shame back to their room to finish their meal. 

She just knew. What kind of bullshit was that? They had kind of hoped for a better explanation than that, or at least something that would make them stop freaking out over the mortifying ordeal of being loved. Why couldn’t they just get a strong electric shock when they met their soulmate? Cut out the ambiguity?

To many, their hesitance over finding their soulmate could be chalked up to cynicism. Leftover teen angst, maybe. But to Nico, it was so much more than that. They didn’t think they could love someone the way that they felt they were supposed to. How could any of this soulmate garbage even be real? Their parents had been soulmates, and they saw how that turned out. Soulmates could stop loving each other. Even the person perfect for you could betray you, cheat on you and break your heart, like their father did to their mother. They didn’t want to pretend that problems in the world would be magically fixed by finding their soulmate, or that their relationship could be perfect.

They were afraid. Afraid of what would happen if they went after Leo, of the possibility of someone being close enough to hurt them.

But the idea of not going after him seemed somehow worse. Like they were abandoning someone they had some kind of responsibility towards. Which is insane, they thought, because they don’t even know Leo. And they don’t even know if they are in fact soul mates! What, just because they thought this stranger was cute means that the universe has decided they’re destined to be together?

This is exhausting. Nico flopped over, looking at the pile of work they had to do for school. Why did they have to run into this guy now? Couldn’t it have waited until they graduated? Or at least until the semester was over?

Of course not. When did things ever happen to them at a good time?

They knew they should be working on something, but they couldn’t bring themself to right now. After shoving their now-empty pizza plate onto their night stand, Nico curled up and fell asleep, wanting some reprieve from the thoughts swirling around in their head.

Chapter Text

Things weren’t exactly going as planned.

Not as if they really had a plan anyway. Nico’s shift started at noon, but as fate would have it, they arrived at the mall at 11:30. There was no way in hell they were going to start their shift half an hour early, right? So why not just wander around the mall a bit? And if their walk took them past, oh, perhaps a certain Build-a-Bear workshop? Well, maybe they’d just stop in very quickly. Just to see what was going on.

Definitely not to see Leo. Obviously.

They tried to act casual, like Build-a-Bear was a place they’d visit normally and not just when they were being a creep. They stood in the doorway, scanning the open room of the store. Mostly, they saw parents and young children, browsing toys and.. y’know. Building bears.

It didn’t seem like Leo was working today, and they had to force themself not to feel disappointed. It’s not like this guy had any obligation to them– he didn’t even know Nico was coming in to see him! And if he did, he’d probably stay home anyway to avoid the stranger who followed him to work!

They were about to leave. It seemed like a waste of time to be in here, and they weren’t sure what they’d say to Leo if they saw him anyway. Auntie Anne’s is open, maybe they should just get a pretzel and head to work.

Then they saw him. He looked just as radiant as yesterday, brown curls framing his face like a halo, even the fluorescent lights of the store didn’t dim how brilliant he looked. A small voice in the back of Nico’s mind, an annoying voice, wondered if he could be an angel. 

They watched the angel, staring as his soft, gentle hands gave a child the toy he’d just stuffed. The look in his eyes held nothing but love for this child, even though he didn’t know them. How could he look at someone like that? How could he give so much of his affection and care to a stranger?

Something deep inside of them ached, watching Leo sew up the stuffed animal, seeing him laugh with the child. The child giggled and squealed as Leo handed them the stuffed toy, giving it a tight hug before lifting it up towards their mother’s face, wanting her to see how cute it was.

Leo watched with that same tender look, happy that he was able to make that child happy.

Nico felt like a fucking creep. What kind of person walks into someone and then stalks them ? Maybe they should leave. Get the hell out of there before Leo even notices they came in. They could go about their day like they didn’t just follow some stranger to work, and Leo would be blissfully unaware that the weirdo he walked into yesterday has been thinking about him nonstop since their brief meeting.

But of course, as soon as Nico tries to leave, Leo’s kind eyes look towards them. 

God damn it. It’s not like they could abort mission now. They were in too deep. They wished they’d brought a cyanide capsule, like a spy who’d been captured by the enemy government.

As Leo walked closer towards Nico, they felt panic rise up in their chest. Their throat closed, palms sweating on the inside of his jacket pocket, like they were having an allergic reaction to Leo. They didn’t know what to do– should they run? Was running the right choice? They should probably get the hell out of there, right?

“Hi,” Leo waved with a grin, completely in the dark about Nico’s internal freak-out. “It’s good to see you!” His signing looked better than it had the day before, but definitely wasn’t natural, as if he’d crammed last night for an exam and was now trying to get it out as fast as he could to prove that he did know it.

… Or maybe it was just Nico’s imagination. Maybe it was just them wanting Leo to care about communicating with them so much that he went out of his way to study for the possibility that they’d ever have another conversation.

“You too,” Nico responded, trying to seem nonchalant about all of this. 

Leo looked around the store, gesturing to the wall where they’d crucified the unstuffed skins of various toys. “Want to build a bear?” He asked, flashing Nico a smile so bright they thought they’d pass away.

Very tempting. And a great excuse for having come in here! Maybe they won’t seem like such a weirdo if they make a bear? 

“My sister’s birthday is coming up,” they decided. “I want to make one for her.”

Leo led him over to the wall of toys, allowing Nico to pull out the one they wanted from the many bins of empty toy skins. It was hard for them to focus on the toys with Leo standing so close to them. They turned their face away, plunging their hand into a random bin and pulling out the stuffed animal that lived inside. When they finally looked, they saw the deflated body of a… cat? Kind of. It had the top half of a cat, and the bottom half of an octopus. The whole thing was yellow, pink splotches littering its fur like a cow.

It was a devastating thing to encounter.

But they couldn’t back out now. And in three months when her birthday rolled around, it would be Hazel’s problem.

“Good choice,” Leo said, thinking the stuffed animal was great to look at, actually. Nico wondered what it said about them that the person they thought was their soulmate had such horrible taste.

The stuffing process was strange. All of the creature’s legs flailed about as the machine shot stuffing into its hole, turning the cat-opus into the full-fledged Lovecraftian Jr. monster that it was. As Leo placed it into his hands, Nico tried to look pleased with it, but they couldn’t help but think it looked like the Ferocious Beast fell into a toxic waste pit and came out looking like a catgirl with too many fucking feet (i.e. every Redditer’s dream).

Obscure early 2000’s children shows aside, Leo reached into a tub of little fabric hearts, handing one to Nico so they could stuff it into the critter. They did so, along with one of the generic voice boxes that played How Far I’ll Go from Moana when you press it.

Nico checked out, a little upset with themself that this trip to spy on a boy they’d met literally yesterday ended up costing them nearly $40 and made them late for their shift at the Claire’s.

They were ready to pick up their amalgam and hide in the back room at work in shame, but was stopped when they noticed Leo talking to them.

“I’m glad I got to see you again,” he said, “I wasn’t sure if I’d get to. I was wondering if you’d want to hang out some time? I’m kinda new to the city, I really want to make some friends around here.” When he finished talking, Leo wrote his phone number down on the receipt, handing it over to Nico.

A second later he gasped, covering his mouth before asking, “Wait, Deaf people have phones, right? I mean, I know you can’t hear, but you can text, right? I can give you my email– Was I being insensitive?”

Nico just rolled their eyes. “I have a phone,” they assured Leo. “It’s not insensitive, just a little stupid. Of course I have a phone.” Well, at least now they didn’t feel so embarrassed. Sure, they’d stalked this guy a tasteful amount, but Leo doesn’t know much about Deaf people. So. Suck it, I guess.

“Thanks for helping with this thing. I’m sure my sister will love it,” Nico said, shoving the receipt carefully into their pocket. 

“Thanks for coming! Don’t forget to write!” Leo grinned, and for a moment, Nico got to see that smile. They swore to god it could make flowers grow. Wars would stop, they thought, if they could see Leo smile. They tried to keep themself from staring, offering a small smile of their own in return, though they knew it paled in comparison to his.

Nico had to force themself to leave. They had to tear their eyes away from that smile, or else they’d stand there and stare like some kind of freak. Or worse, some kind of simp.

Which is ridiculous, because they didn’t even know if Leo was their soulmate or not! They had no idea! For all they knew, Leo was happily married and sincerely just wanted a friend, and Nico was being weird and getting their hopes up over someone who might have said the magic words to them. But there are so many people who can say the words “I’m sorry” to someone the first time they meet them, and Nico had no way of knowing if that was the first thing out of Leo’s mouth when they met the day before.

Nico was torn between the joy of getting to stick around Leo, even if it was only as friends, and the devastating weight of knowing that they might not be soulmates.

Maybe friendship would hurt more. They’d have to see Leo love someone else some day. They’d have to pretend they were okay with it. Pretend that it didn’t burn them to the core that this person they want to be with so desperately simply does not belong with them.

What the fuck were they thinking? They didn’t want to be with Leo, that’s fucking absurd. And anyway, they had more important things to worry about, like trying to get to work and seem busy before that bitch Brenda could get on their ass for being late again.

Rushing into the Claire’s, Nico clocked in as fast as possible, trying to bury themself in the work of moving around glittery hairbands and lining up nail polish bottles to avoid thinking about the ‘what if’s. They had Leo’s number. Every few minutes, when they started to worry that it wasn’t real, they had to pull it out of their pocket and check, making sure that it was still there.

Shockingly, the shift went by quickly. Apparently time flies when you’re thinking about boys, even if you’re spending that time in a bubblegum pink capitalist prison.

The rest of the afternoon was taken up with class, Nico sitting on an uncomfortable stool for three hours, trying to work on their newest painting while the professor stood over their shoulder, breathing into their ear.

When they were finally able to go home, it was a relief to sit in a chair with a back, though they still had so much work to do. On top of their own work, they had to grade undergraduate work for the class they taught. 

Nico set their phone on their desk, the wrinkled receipt laying next to it. They probably shouldn’t start texting Leo right now, it was pretty late and they had so much to do before they went to bed.

But restraint was really never Nico’s strong suit.

After about five minutes of gripping their pencil with the strength of a thousand suns, trying to white-knuckle through writing feedback for students art, Nico finally gave in. They texted Leo.

hey. this is Nico. from claires.

They figured that would be enough, putting their phone face down on the desk to try and stop themself from staring at it in anticipation of Leo’s response. It’s midnight, they told themself, Leo probably wouldn’t respond until the morning.

That didn’t stop them from picking it up every other minute, groaning with disappointment when they hadn’t received a response and begrudgingly returning to what they were doing.

Ten minutes passed, then twenty, then thirty. Nico had gotten through several more pieces of student art that they had to critique, when they finally felt their phone buzzing on the desk. They weren’t proud of how quickly they checked their messages, and how fast their heart pumped when they saw they’d gotten a message from Leo.

omg hi nico from claires!!! this is leo from build a bear :)

As much as they didn’t want to be known as Nico of Claire’s, like they were the prince of the pinkest, most glittery kingdom, their heart soared to see a response from Leo of Build-a-Bear. The only problem was, what the hell were they supposed to say next?

Nico typed out several messages, instantly deleting them all. They groaned, leaning back in their chair, staring up at the ceiling, as if it would have the answer written across it. But even if it did, Nico didn’t really trust the writing on the wall when it came to Leo. Or the ceiling. Or their wrist.

They looked back at their phone, feeling it vibrate in their hand.

if youre not busy, do you wanna hang out some time soon? im super new around here!! i wanna go some place fun :-)

Nico smiled back at the emoji. They did want to hang out with Leo, even if they weren’t soulmates. They didn’t have too many friends in general, let alone in the area. It’d be nice to have someone to talk to.

sure, why not. are you free saturday?

Chapter Text

The next three days dragged by agonizingly slow. Nico had to force themself to take the long way to work so that they didn’t peep into Build-a-Bear like a creep. 

They hated Claire and her pink prison even more than usual, wanting to get home and get the day over with, so that they could be one day closer to seeing this person who had begun to consume so much of their thoughts. As much as they loved what they were learning in school, they found themself looking at the clock much more often, and in the introductory art class they had to teach as a graduate student, they started cutting classes a bit short, even if it was only by five minutes, just to be able to text Leo again a little sooner. … Not that their students minded, they were sure.

Hazel noticed it, too. They knew she did. When Nico would get home, they would sit on the couch to watch TV together as they so often did, but out of the corner of her eye, she would notice how frequently they checked their phone.

By Friday, she couldn’t stand not knowing anymore. It was movie night, which meant instead of watching several hour long episodes of a series, they would watch one hour and a half long movie. What a difference it made in their routine.

Hazel sat stiffly on the couch, trying to think of how she wanted to approach the topic. Her sibling was like a wild fawn she had to pspsps at or else they’d bound away into the forest, never to be seen again.

Nico entered the living room, holding two bowls of popcorn. They set one on Hazel’s lap, holding the other in their own when they sat down. 

“Did you pick something?” They asked before popping two pieces of corn in their mouth.

Hazel nodded towards the screen, where Matilda had paused. “Can I ask you something first?”

Hesitantly, Nico nodded. “Sure, anything,” they told her, though she knew they were likely to keep secrets anyway.

“You met someone, didn’t you?” Hazel smiled, giving her sibling a look that said ‘just admit it, I already know the truth’ . 

But Nico wasn’t ready to give up that easily. They shook their head, “No, I haven’t.” 

Hazel sighed, knowing they were lying but not quite sure how to get it out of them. Just as she was considering waterboarding them, she glanced down at Nico’s phone, which had lit up with a new message. Nico very quickly tossed it behind their back, not wanting her to read it, whatever it was.

Why did they do that, they thought? It’s not like Leo would have said anything incriminating, and that just made them look so suspicious.

Hazel narrowed her eyes, the two of them locked in a wild west standoff for a moment, before Hazel dove forward, scrambling to pry the phone away from them. Popcorn flew around them as they struggled, neither one morally above kicking the other to get the advantage. 

Nico rolled off the couch, clutching their phone in their hand, hiding it under their chest against the floor. Hazel sat on their back, trying to reach her hand under and grab the phone from them. She pulled at their arm, scratching at it a bit to try and aid her in this battle.

Nico couldn’t hold her off for much longer, and they knew that. They struggled to their feet, dumping Hazel off of their back and onto her own. She groaned, holding her head. 

They paused. Had she hit her head on the coffee table? Hesitantly, they stooped down, wanting to make sure she wasn’t actually injured.

But as soon as they did, Hazel snatched the phone, scrambling to her feet and running away while she turned it back on. The oldest trick in the book! She couldn’t believe they fell for it. Nico ran after her, only stopping as they slammed into Hazel’s back, not noticing that she had stopped running.

She turned and handed the phone back to them, allowing them to see what the message was. Her face didn’t wear the look of triumph they’d expected after seeing a message from Leo, lord of the bears. Her eyebrows stitched together, face pulled into a grimace as she headed back to the couch.

Nico looked down at the phone, finally realizing why Hazel seemed so upset with her victory.

Hello, Niccol ò. This is your father. Please reply to me when you get a chance, it’s urgent. 

They didn’t know what they should do about that. They didn’t want to speak to their father, but it wasn’t like him to demand a response from Nico. But still, they couldn’t be sure that it wasn’t another guilt trip, another way to try and force himself back into his children’s lives.

Hazel returned to the threshold of the kitchen where Nico stood, waving to get their attention, before showing them her phone.

Hello, Hazel. This is your father. Please call me when you can, I need to speak with you.

Nico frowned, wondering how the fuck they should respond to that.

“He doesn’t deserve a response from us,” Hazel decided, putting her phone back in her pocket.

“But what if something happened to him?” Nico asked, though their heart wasn’t really in protesting that point. He was an awful father, and if he was going to go so far as to trick them into responding to him, then yeah. He really didn’t deserve a response. “What if he’s dying?”

“Then he’ll die the way he lived. Alone.” Hazel plopped back on the couch, clearly finished with this argument.

Nico didn’t want to continue it very much either. They understood why she wouldn’t want to visit him, even if he was dying. But for some reason, Nico had this desire to try and repair their relationship with the old man. Maybe because he’d gotten softer in his older years. Maybe because Nico remembers how gentle he was when talking with their older sister long ago. A small part of them wondered if they could be like that again. If they could have the father who sang them to sleep, who would play piano with their mother, who taught them countless stories and fables.

But a part of them knew that side of their father died with Bianca.

Besides, their father didn’t deserve forgiveness after all the shit he’s done. But a tiny voice in the back of Nico’s mind, the small voice of their small self, told them that their father could be the person they once knew, that they could have a normal parent/child relationship.

Nico tried to shut the voice up. There was no use in hoping for their father to be a father again when he’d treated them so poorly for the past sixteen years.

Settling back on the couch next to Hazel, Nico pressed play on the movie. Their phone buzzed in their pocket, and Nico dreaded the idea that their father could be trying to message them more.

For more than half the movie, they couldn’t stop wondering what the text had said. Finally giving in, they pulled their out of their pocket, seeing Hazel trying to read it out of the corner of her eye. They sincerely hoped she couldn’t see it well enough to know that it was from Leo.

im super jazzed to hang out tomorrow! are we still on for 1?

They hoped even more so that Hazel couldn’t see the smile creeping onto their face as they replied.

yeah, see you then

Chapter Text

Leo could barely sleep at all Friday night. As an insomniac, that was pretty par for the course, but knowing that he was going to spend the afternoon with his new friend didn’t help the matter. How embarrassing, he thought, that even just knowing that he was going to see this person tomorrow was enough to make him lose sleep.

Leo knew he shouldn’t feel any sort of way towards Nico. After all, Nico had a soulmate out there, somewhere. They carried with them a piece of someone else’s soul. Part of another human being’s spirit was mixed with theirs, and that was something Leo could never understand, let alone compete with. 

Because Leo didn’t have a soulmate.

It was extremely rare, though not unheard of, for someone to not be born with a soulmate. It was literally a one in a million thing.

The wonderful, terrible thing about soulmates was that they weren’t only romantic. The universe had decided that Leo was unfit for any kind of love. No friends, no family, no bitches. Fuck, he would’ve settled for a god damn dog being his soulmate! Or a cat? A fish, even?

But no, no, Leo’s wrists were devoid of any kind of tether linking him to someone else. 

Some of these unlucky, soulmate-less people got their markings later in life, or so he’d heard. There are inspirational stories of mothers getting their soulmate markings with their child’s first words, old fairy tales of two people without soulmate markings falling in love.

But no one really believed in that. I mean, can someone without a soulmate really ever know that kind of love? Wouldn’t a mother be born with their future child’s words written on their skin, if they were truly born to love that child more than anyone else? And what are the odds of two one-in-a-million people meeting and actually falling in love? Is that even love, or did they just think it was because they had nothing else to compare it to? Could they feel the type of bond that people with soulmates do?

Leo tried to stop himself from thinking about this. It just felt shitty. He rolled over, checking his phone for the millionth time, because what else is there to do?

No new messages in the middle of the night. Pretty normal, he didn’t know anyone that was as much of a night owl as he was. Nothing interesting on YouTube, and he didn’t dare open TikTok for fear he wouldn’t sleep at all that night. Deciding he shouldn’t risk falling down a rabbit hole, he opened Instagram, the most boring of all social media sites.

He was so tempted to text Nico, but he didn’t want to be so much of a freak that he’d randomly text them at… oh dear god, was it already four in the morning?

Leo opened up their text conversation, scrolling through the messages they’d sent each other. Over the last few days, Nico and Leo had texted quite a bit, something he hadn’t expected to happen after walking into someone who he literally knocked to the ground. But, as it turns out, he and Nico had a lot in common.

The whole ‘dead mom’ thing came up pretty early on, which led to complaining about deadbeat dads, which led to complaining about the foster care system. Which then led to talking about everything under the sun, so much so that Leo was answering texts at work, in class, while he was hanging out with his friends… He didn’t know what had gotten into him recently.

Probably just excited to have a new friend. And really, he couldn’t get his hopes up. He wasn’t in a fairy tale, no words were going to appear on his skin if he just kept spending time with Nico. Afterall, what are the odds that two one-in-a-million people would meet?

He sighed, checking the clock again. Just past 4:30 in the morning, and it was seeming less and less likely that Leo was going to end up sleeping at all tonight.

Setting his phone on the nightstand, Leo squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that that would do something. Just an hour of sleep, he begged? Even a little bit of time, so he wasn’t overly exhausted when he hung out with his new friend for the first time?

Leo rolled onto his side, staring up at the clock on the other side of the room, willing it to move faster so he could stop trying to get sleep. Or to grind to a halt, let him sleep for as long as he needs, whichever it preferred. But no, it stubbornly kept the same pace it always had, and Leo was trapped in his bed.

He drifted off at some point, or at least he thought he did, because all of a sudden light was hitting his face from the window. The clock read 8:13, which meant he was (apparently) out for a lot less time than he would have liked, but beggars really can’t be choosers. He stepped out of bed, feeling the icy cold floorboards of his apartment creak under him as he walked out to the kitchen.

A pot of coffee always fixed things. He knew he shouldn’t, what with his heart already being in pretty bad shape (both figuratively and literally), but he couldn’t help himself! He loved the taste of coffee so much he’d risk life and limb to down an entire pot every morning.

Maybe a bit of an exaggeration. Leo wasn’t addicted to caffeine, he was just… addicted. To caffeine. God, he sounded like a loser. One of those people who’s Gotta Have Their Morning Joe to function. But really, he just liked the taste! It didn’t even keep him that awake. Fucking ADHD, he couldn’t even reap the benefits of his coffee addiction, he just had to deal with the consequences of drinking an ungodly amount of coffee while having a defective heart.

But he was already feeling it this morning. The sharp, stabbing pain in the center of his chest, the tingling in his fingers and toes, the way he just couldn’t get enough air … Y’know, it sounds really concerning, and it would be, if this wasn’t something he dealt with literally every single day. He gritted his teeth, trying to white-knuckle it over to the couch so he didn’t faint while holding a steaming hot cup of coffee, but… well, it’s not really something you always get to control.

He went down, trying to toss the cup away from himself as he did so, not wanting to get burned by the coffee first thing in the morning. The cup shattered a few feet away, splashing coffee everywhere, including on Leo as he lay on the ground. Lucky for him, he was only passed out for about a minute, whining at the hot coffee his arm was laying in.

He sighed, knowing he couldn’t get up right away. Leo shimmied over to the rug, trying to wipe the coffee off there. He grabbed his blood pressure monitor from the table and pulse ox from the couch, slipping them both on and waiting for the little numbers to show up.

Clocking in at a blood pressure of 83/67 and a heart rate of 189, Leo was doing just fantastic. He propped his feet up on the couch, trying to calm his heart down. 

So it would seriously help if Nico stopped texting him.

Honestly, every time he heard his phone buzz, his heart rate would spike to dangerously high levels, which was both painful and embarrassing.

When Leo was feeling a bit better, with a slightly lower heart rate, he crawled his ass to the kitchen, chugging a bottle of water and swallowing so much salt it should be considered a crime, before finally allowing himself to read his messages.

you’ll never believe what carol from work did today.

that bitch put me at the register. i hate working register.

at least i get out at noon. we’re getting lunch at 1 right?

Leo found himself smiling just from seeing Nico’s name pop up on his phone.

lunch sounds good!! omg you should totally kill carol.

He didn’t really have it in him to give more of a response than that at the moment, honestly. This whole ‘being chronically ill’ thing was such an inconvenience. He couldn’t even be his usual self when he was texting his new, cute friend who he totally didn’t like as anything other than a friend!

Leo nudged open the fridge door with his foot, pulling out the first pre-made thing he saw, tearing into it to try and return to baseline. About fifteen minutes passed before he realized today was just gonna be one of those days. Really unfortunate timing! He crawled himself back over to the couch, this time climbing up on top of it. Maybe if he laid down until 12:45, he’d be super energetic and his usual fun-loving self during his date appointment with Nico.

By the time 12:30 rolled around, he was feeling somewhat better! Not amazing, but he didn’t feel like he was about to die. He glanced across the room at his wheelchair, and at the cane sitting beside it. How hard could it be to use a cane to help himself stay upright while trying to sign? It couldn’t be that hard, could it?

Leo decided to just bite the bullet. Go full chronic illness mode and show up in his wheelchair. He really had to stop thinking people would judge him for it just because he had some internalized ableism bullshit going on in his brain. What would he prefer, showing up and pretending to be totally able-bodied like he usually did, only to faint on Nico and freak them out, or be honest and just use the wheelchair that he needed?

It was a tough call. Leo hated feeling vulnerable.

But after standing up and falling right back to the ground, he knew he literally wouldn’t be able to make it out of his apartment on his feet. So he crawled into his wheelchair, before grabbing the few things he’d need on the way, and headed out of his apartment. In the elevator down to the first floor, he checked his phone, grinning when he saw a text from Nico.

im on my way, see you soon

Chapter Text

Leo hadn’t expected Nico to be so chill about him showing up in a wheelchair. The only comment they made was:

“Wow, I didn’t know you literally couldn’t stand me.”

A comment which had Leo giggling like a child. How’d they know Leo loved shitty, shitty puns?

Probably because they texted nonstop, but nevertheless! Leo appreciated it. He appreciated that Nico didn’t make a big deal over it, didn’t obsessively check if he was okay, didn’t treat him like he was fragile just because he was disabled. I guess it makes sense, considering Nico is also disabled, but still.

Lucky for him, the restaurant was actually accommodating to his needs, so he didn’t have to deal with the whole bullshit of advocating for himself, or the embarrassment of having to tell Nico that, sorry! We can’t go here because there’s no room for my wheelchair!

They were seated at a table in the corner, and as soon as they got there, he had no fucking clue what to say to Nico. How did that happen? Leo always had something to say.

As Nico looked over the menu, Leo stared across the table at them. He didn’t understand how anyone in the world could look so perfect while doing nothing but existing.

And then he kicked himself for thinking that. Why was he torturing himself like this? Nico was his friend. They are friends, nothing more. It’s impossible for them to be anything more than that.

You gotta let it go, he told himself. It wasn’t fair to Nico that he was kind of pining over him. I mean, Nico had a soulmate out there somewhere, a soulmate that wasn’t Leo, so why the fuck is he still obsessing over every little thing about them? Why can’t he just let it go?

When Nico looked up at him, he forced a smile onto his face, even though the thoughts didn’t dissipate. 

Deaf people can’t read minds, right? He sure hoped not. But that look Nico was giving him made him think it was definitely possible.

“Do you know what you want to eat?” Nico asked. “You haven’t picked up the menu yet.”

Leo shook his head quickly. “No, not yet,” he responded, the signs coming to mind much faster now after a week of practice. He didn’t want to sound gay or anything, but he’d signed up for ASL classes at a community college nearby. Not that it’s gay to want to learn to communicate with your friend, but, y’know. Leo had done it for gay reasons. Secret gay reasons.

“I just wanted to tell you you look nice today,” he explained. 

For a moment, Leo thought he could see Nico blush. “So you waited until I looked at you to tell me that?” They asked. “You could have waved at me. Or tapped the table, or something.” They went to pick the menu back up, before signing with their free hand a meek, “Thank you.”

Leo grinned, looking back down at his own menu, trying to ignore how his stomach buzzed with joy at the slightly pink tint to Nico’s cheeks. He chose his meal quickly–chicken parm, a classic–wanting to get back to talking to Nico as soon as he could. 

He looked up at them, staring for a moment as he tried to reboot his brain. Whenever he looked at Nico, it was like his mind went blank, the only thoughts in his head turned to I wonder what they think of me. It only got worse when Nico set their menu down as well. 

Thank fucking god Nico had something to say, so Leo didn’t seem like a fool. He stared at their hands flying a mile a minute (to him. Nico was most assuredly signing slower than they usually did) trying to decipher what they were saying. It took him a moment before realizing they had said something along the lines of, “This is one of my favorite restaurants. My first night in town, Hazel took me here, and I just keep coming back.”

Leo watched Nico’s fingers, smiling at the sound their rings made as they clicked together, wondering how it would feel to hold them. Though, he wondered if holding Nico’s hands would be a mean thing to do? I mean, they wouldn’t be able to talk. It’d be like duct taping someone’s mouth shut or something. Only gentler. And done with love– or whatever it was Leo was feeling towards Nico. (Probably not love, right? They’d just met a week ago. It would be embarrassing to think that he loved them.)

“Yeah?” Leo asked, smiling. “I like Italian food, it’s pretty good. I’m a sucker for cheese.”

“Who isn’t?” Nico asked, “I love cheese. Maybe even more than I love my family.”

“Yeah?” Leo chuckled.

“Don’t tell my sister,” was Nico’s response, and for a moment Leo wasn’t totally sure if they were joking. 

Leo rested his chin in his hand, leaning against the table, before having to move back how he was again, having forgotten he needed both hands to sign. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone your love for cheese burns hotter than a thousand suns.” 

A hint of a smile tugged at Nico’s mouth, and Leo felt like he could explode on the spot. It was so tiny, but the thought that he had made Nico smile was enough for Leo. He wanted to make Nico smile again. He wanted to be the reason that Nico smiled again, and again, and again. 

“Oh my god, you’ll never guess what happened at work this week,” Leo began, sifting through various things in his mind, different stories of silly things the children had said to him while at work. Nico seemed interested, staring him down with those big brown eyes. It was almost enough for Leo to completely lose his train of thought and look like a total idiot. But not quite!

“We had this birthday party come in, right? A ton of little kids, like, a whole first grade class or something, all making teddy bears. It was crazy, right? And so we didn’t have like enough people working to watch all the kids super closely– anyways, one of them ended up eating some of the bear stuffing off the floor,” he said. “He was fine , he just did not feel well after. I think he left the party early.”

Nico covered their mouth, snickering behind their hand. “Little kids are so weird,” they said. “I’m so glad I don’t have to interact with them that much, considering I basically just stock shelves and do inventory.”

Just after Nico finished talking about their enemy (Claire herself), the waiter arrived, pouring each of them a cup of water before asking what they wanted. Nico took out their phone, typing away their order to show the waiter, while Leo verbally placed his order. Thankfully, the waiter seemed understanding about why Nico had to type it out, considering he’d seen the two of them signing to each other before he came over. 

As the waiter walked away, Nico turned back to look at Leo, who felt like he was about to explode. Nico’s eyes were the darkest he’d ever seen, so much so that their irises seemed to blend in with their pupils. 

Leo couldn’t stand knowing that someone else got to be loved by them. It just wasn’t fair. How could he feel so strongly about Nico, even though they weren’t soulmates? He didn’t know the universe could be so cruel. Maybe he should just rip the bandaid off? Ask if Nico had met their soulmate yet? 

But what would that even help? He’s gonna find out Nico is in love with someone else, someone who loved them in return, and Leo would be heartbroken. Or even worse, Nico hasn’t found their soulmate yet, and Leo would delude himself into thinking it was possible for the two of them to some day have a life together, only to have to watch Nico find their soulmate and fall in love. Both options sucked so harshly, but Leo felt like he needed to know.

He took a sip of his water to try and calm himself down so he could ask. But just as he put his cup down, Nico asked, “Do you like working at Build-a-Bear? Is it your dream to be slinging bears for the rest of time? … No judgment if it is, I’m just curious.”

Leo smiled, trying to shove his thoughts of Nico to the back of his head so he could focus on being a normal fucking person for once. “No, actually! I really wanna be an engineer.”

“Just like in Among Us?” Nico asked.

Leo snickered, only liking Nico more and more with every passing minute. “Yeah, just like in Among Us,” he said. “My whole family is full of engineers, pretty much. My birth parents, my adoptive parents, my little sister… Everyone’s an engineer. It makes me feel close to them,” he said.

“You were adopted?” Nico asked. “That’s cool. I was a foster kid for a little while. I mean, I was put back with my dad eventually, but…” they paused, deciding this wasn’t something they were ready to talk about with someone they’d only known for a week. “Are you close with your family?” They asked, trying to change the topic away from their own sad home life.

“Kind of!” Leo said. “I was super close with my birth mom when I was a kid. But she, uh, passed away. And I’m not close with my birth dad. But I’m pretty close with my adoptive family! They live in the city, but I visit them all the time,” he said.

“That’s really nice,” Nico said. “I lived in the city until a couple months ago. I started going to grad school out here, and my sister needed a roommate, so.”

“Right!” Leo beamed. “I remember you telling me. Her name is… It’s Hazel, right?” Leo asked.

Nico nodded, “Yeah, Hazel,” they said, teaching Leo her name sign. Leo repeated it back to them, wanting to make sure he got it right, and when he did he was rewarded with another one of Nico’s beautiful almost-smiles. He had to hit his chest a couple times, wondering if somehow his pacemaker had malfunctioned, his heart was beating so fast.

“So, what do you wanna do?” Leo asked. “With your life, I mean. You’re a grad student you said, but you never said what you studied.” He asked.

“Art,” Nico said. “I know it’s impractical, but it’s the only thing I want to do. So… it’s either that, or have to deal with being in the pinkest place in the entire world for the rest of my life.”

“Woah, you’re an artist?” He asked. “Do you have any pictures of your stuff on your phone?”

Nico looked a bit surprised, like they didn’t expect Leo to think that art was a worthwhile venture. It certainly wasn’t the safest choice, that’s for sure. They nodded silently, opening a folder on their phone of all their work. Leo leaned forward to see, feeling a wisp of Nico’s hair brush against his face, which made his brain short circuit for a moment. He stared at the artwork on Nico’s phone, trying to reboot his brain, signing, “Woah,” over and over at the different art pieces. As insincere as that sounds, the look on his face showed nothing but interest in what Nico had done. 

“Those are incredible,” he said, still not leaning away from Nico. He finally looked up from the phone to meet Nico’s eyes, realizing just how close they were together. So close their noses brushed against one another. Leo’s breath caught in his throat. It felt like he couldn’t breathe, like somehow being this close to Nico forced all the air from his lungs, leaving him sitting there sputtering like a fish flopping around on land.

Thank god for fast service, because when the waiter returned a moment later, Leo finally got a break from staring into Nico’s eyes. He finally leaned away from Nico, digging into his meal. And it was fucking delicious, honestly. And an amazing way to stop Leo from doing something stupid and embarrassing.

Leo finished his meal so fast that when he looked up, Nico was still eating. What a cutie, he thought. Everything about Nico was just so impossibly wonderful, Leo wondered how someone like him could be lucky enough to be in their life. And then he wondered how fucking gay he had to be to think something like that about a guy literally just eating pasta in his vicinity. What a strange thought to have.

Still though, he smiled at Nico, choosing to remain ignorant about whether or not they had found their soulmate already. He didn’t want to know. He wanted to live in his little fantasy world where, one day, Nico would start to love him too.

Leo insisted on paying for the meal, saying that Nico was a broke college student and they should keep their money, though in reality he just wanted to get to treat them. After all, his mom always told him a gentleman should pay on the first date (even though this WASN’T a DATE, Leo. You freak.)

“I had a lot of fun,” he told Nico. “You’re really good company! And I’m sure you loved having some arm candy walkin’ around with you. … Well, I wasn’t walking, but– you get it,” he said.

Nico rolled their eyes, but there was no ill-intent behind it. “I had fun too,” they said. 

“Can I walk you home?” Leo asked quickly, wanting to get it out before he had the chance to think twice. He really, really didn’t want to part from Nico just yet.

Thankfully Nico didn’t kill him dead for daring to ask such a (polite and chivalrous) question. “I’d like that.”

The walk back to Nico’s wasn’t long, only about ten minutes, but Leo wished it had lasted a million years. They laughed pretty much the whole way, just enjoying each other’s company. Both of them seemed at least a little bit disappointed when Nico stopped in front of the building, telling Leo it was their stop.

For just a moment, as Leo stared at Nico in front of the front door of their apartment complex, he thought I should kiss them. Nico was just standing there, the most beautiful person he’d ever seen, staring back at him. 

But he didn’t. Maybe it’s for the best, or maybe he’s just the world’s biggest coward, either way Leo didn’t know. But he just raised his hand, waving at Nico as they walked into their apartment. Leo stayed there, staring at the door for a moment more, wishing he could follow Nico inside.

But instead, he turned around and went home. As he came through the front door, he checked his texts, grinning when he saw that he had a new message from Nico.

i had a lot of fun. i was too nervous to ask before, but would you want to come to my art exhibition at the end of the month?

Leo let out the world’s most embarrassing squeal, texting back so quickly he almost dropped his phone out of his hands.

i’d love to!

He flopped back onto the couch, his body finally catching up to him. He was exhausted. Happy, excited, in love, but exhausted. As soon as he rested his head against the pillow, he fell asleep.

Chapter Text

Nico wasn’t sure what they were thinking, inviting Leo to the art exhibition. It was a stressful day for them, they’d probably be even more of a grouch than usual, and they were pretty sure their armpits were so sweaty they were starting to leak through his fancy button-down top.

But it was much too late to uninvite him now. Especially after how Leo kept saying how excited he was to finally get to see Nico’s artwork. Which was, first of all, crazy to them. Why would he want to see it? Nico hadn’t thought most of their pieces were that good. Sure, someone thought they were good, since they were here, but none of them felt perfect. In every one of them, Nico saw something they would change.

Ten minutes until the exhibition began, and Nico felt as if they could throw up. Why were they so nervous? Their art had been featured in one of these grad student showcases a couple of times before, and it went totally fine. No one called them a shitty artist, at least not to their face. They didn’t spontaneously combust the moment somebody looked at their art. It was going to be fine, right?

Except that Leo would be here. What if he didn’t like Nico’s art? What if he thought it was stupid, or ugly, or pointless, or a whole litany of other awful things Nico’s imagination came up with.

But, Nico thought, this is Leo . Leo, who doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. He’d never say something to purposefully hurt Nico’s feelings, he’s way too kind and good.

Five minutes until the exhibition began, and Nico felt like they couldn’t breathe. Rushing over to the table of refreshments meant for the exhibition’s guests, they poured themself a cup of hot tea, hoping it would calm their nerves. And for a moment, the smell of earl grey started to sooth them. That is, until they checked their phone and saw a text from Leo saying that he was there, which made Nico’s heart pound.

They chugged their cup of tea, pouring themself another one, trying their best to stop their hands from shaking.

One minute until the exhibition began, and Nico finally made their way back over to their section, paper cup firmly between both of their hands, looking around at the five paintings they had created to show for the exhibition. The theme/title for the exhibition as a whole was called The Story of Our Lives , the assignment given to them was to create several works of art that represented important, pivotal moments in their lives. You know, something super fucking vulnerable and terrifying to show strangers, let alone the cute guy you met last month who may or may not be your soulmate. But no biggie, right?

The doors swung open, guests pouring in and wandering about the different students sections of the showcase. Nico’s eyes were glued to the door, despite the people who had started to trickle into their section. They could see people pointing at different things in their paintings, making comments to each other, and for once they were glad their interpreter was running late, so they didn’t have to answer any questions.

When they saw Leo, Nico gave a little wave, finishing off the last bit of their tea and tossing the cup away. 

Leo’s hair had gotten long enough that he could put it into the world’s smallest pigtail, which he did often. Nico always told him it was silly to have a pigtail that small , because it didn’t really do anything for him, but Leo always told him that it was super fashionable. Apart from that, his outfit was (like always) very cute. 

Nico waved their clammy hands to greet Leo, signing, “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course!” Leo grinned, holding his arms out for a hug from Nico, though he waited for them to decide whether or not they wanted one. It was weird, but from him? They always wanted a hug. Wasn’t it crazy how Leo, despite having known Nico for maybe five weeks, was already one of the only people they allowed to hug them? They leaned forward, wrapping their arms around Leo, trying not to make the deep breath they took too obvious. Fellas, is it gay to sniff your homies clothes after not seeing them in a couple of days because you miss the way that they smell?

When Nico let go, they watched as Leo rolled around their little portion of the exhibit. He stared at each painting, starting from the left. The paintings read like a picture book, giving snapshots of Nico’s life. The thick oil paints against the canvas gave each painting a unique texture, a depth that Leo felt captured Nico expertly. They started quite blurry and unreal, progressively getting sharper, more lifelike.

The leftmost painting was the most distorted, as was Nico’s memory of the event.  They more so remembered a feeling than anything that happened that day. Two little children knelt weeping above an open grave, and opposite them, a large man in a black trench coat, facing away. He didn’t have many human qualities, though one could assume that’s what he was from his vague shape. They’d titled this painting Maria.

The next was similar in subject matter. A crashed car, a smattering of blood, a small body bag. And there, once again, sat the same almost-human figure in the driver’s seat. This painting’s title was Bianca.

In the middle painting, an adolescent Nico sat on the floor of what seemed to be their bedroom. Headphones covered their ears, their small hands tending to bumps and bruises on their skin. The light in their room was off, but under the door, the hallway light shone in, only interrupted by the shadow from two feet. Hades.

The fourth painting was of Nico, once again, this time an adult. They looked similar to the way they do now, though their hair was a bit longer, the circles under their eyes darker. They sat in a window, rain pouring down outside. There was a cigarette in their hand, several others in an ashtray in front of them. Inside the room sat a girl Leo recognized to be Nico’s sister Hazel, reading a book. Though Nico was painted in cool colors, his expression grim, Hazel seemed bright, with a soft look on her face. Hazel.

The last painting was different. The feeling, the colors, every part of it felt different from the rest. It seemed a bit clearer, though retained some of the gentler lines from the previous paintings. Despite this, it didn’t seem blurry. Instead, the lines seemed soft and clear. The painting had an air of warmth about it that the other four simply didn’t. It was of Leo, the way he looked the first time Nico saw him. His big, brown eyes shining in the fluorescent light outside of the store, the confetti freckles on his cheeks, the way his hair curled and coiled, framing his face with deep brown ringlets.

In the painting, Leo’s hand was outstretched to Nico, with Nico’s reaching up towards him. They had contemplated whether or not they should include their soulmate marking, After all, that shit’s fucking embarrassing . But they honestly couldn’t imagine the painting without it. The letters were purposefully difficult to make out, as Nico didn’t want just anyone being able to read it. But they knew what it said, and they were pretty sure that, deep in his heart, Leo knew too.

Nico liked this painting, the one they’d titled Leo, the best, though nothing beats looking at the real thing. Their eyes shifted from the painting to Leo’s face. And god, they thought, maybe there was a work of art here that they wouldn’t change.

Leo turned his head from the painting to look at Nico, causing them to jump a bit, knowing they’d been caught staring. “Is this one of me?” He asked, to which Nico had to awkwardly nod in response.

“Your paintings are beautiful,” Leo told them. “I can’t believe you painted a picture of me! I’m basically your muse, aren’t I?” He asked, striking a pose. “Does this inspire you?”

Nico couldn’t help but snicker, the back of their hand gently whacking Leo’s shoulder. Why in the world had they ever been nervous to show Leo their work?

“Want some coffee? Or tea?” Nico asked him, pointing over at the refreshment table. Leo poured himself a cup of decaf coffee, loading that thang up with packet after packet of sugar, before adding more than just a splash of creamer.

“If you hate coffee that much, you could’ve had tea,” Nico signed.

“I like coffee!” Leo puffed out his cheeks. “I just like it sweet, because I’m not afraid of drinking a yummy sweet drink.”

Nico shook their head, picking up a sugar cookie from a tray. Without needing to discuss it, Nico took Leo’s coffee so he could push his chair back over to Nico’s section of the gallery. Nico followed him back, trying to keep their steps even and slow, so they didn’t spill the very full cup of coffee that Leo had neglected finding a lid for.

When they handed Leo back his cup, Nico looked up, only to feel the blood drain from their face. 

Stood in front of them was the vaguely human figure. A tall man in all black, though he seemed much thinner than he was in the paintings.

Nico felt their hands beginning to shake. Their fingers dug into the soft flesh of the sugar cookie, a bit breaking off and falling to the floor. They watched, paralyzed, as the man turned to face them, and despite how much they thought they’d grown, how far removed they felt from the little child they once were, when they saw him here, they were terrified .

Nico stared at the man, and when they'd finally gotten the courage to move again, their hands slowly began to sign, “Hello, father.”

Chapter Text

Nico and Hades stared at each other, as if they both seemed awkward and unsure of themselves. Which was totally unfair, Nico thought. After everything this man did, after showing up in a place where they finally felt safe, he should be able to explain himself! He should be falling to his knees to beg Nico for forgiveness, he should wail and sob as he pleads for Nico to be in his life once again. He should give Nico the satisfaction of curling up into a ball to cry himself to death when they deny him.

But that didn’t happen. And it wouldn’t happen. This is real life, not a retribution fantasy. And even if that did happen, Nico wasn’t sure how happy they would be about it. Since moving away from home, they’d had complex feelings about their father. They weren’t sure what they’d do if he started to cry right now.

“Your paintings have improved,” Hades signed, pointing towards Nico’s works.

Nico, dumbfounded, stared at their father. A compliment? This man who had done so much to them– things that were so clearly present in the paintings– decided to compliment them? Compliment them on the paintings that show what a bad father he was?

“Thank you,” Nico signed, not sure what else to do. What the fuck else could they say to that? Thanks for all the inspiration, dad?

“You always chose to paint such somber things,” Hades added.

“And you always gave me so much material to work with,” Nico replied.

Hades chuckled, looking back at the paintings for a moment, while Nico stood there wondering who the hell gave him the right to laugh at that? 

When he finally returned his gaze to Nico, Hades signed, “You didn’t answer my text messages, nor my emails.”

Nico’s grip on their coffee cup tightened, the paper denting under their nails, threatening to spill the contents. “No, I didn’t,” they signed. Yes, holding this cup made it much more difficult to communicate, however they refused to put it down for the sake of speaking with their father. They wanted to make it clear this conversation wouldn’t last long; they had nothing to say to him.

“May I take you to lunch?” Hades offered. “You and Hazel. I have something important I need to speak with you both about.”

Nico shook their head. “No, you may not.”

Hades didn’t seem at all surprised about this. “Alright,” he signed after a moment. Nico wondered if he was trying to be careful with his words, or if this is just the dregs of his muddled memory causing him to forget how to communicate with them. They weren’t sure which they would prefer: another piece of evidence pointing towards how terrible a father Hades is, or an excuse for them not to hate him as much as they want to.

Nico considered walking away. They thought of leaving, walking out on the exhibition without another word from their father, and never bothering to think of or speak to him again. 

But they didn’t do that. And they weren’t going to. That small part of themself that still desired a relationship with this man (or, perhaps, the part that still feared his wrath) kept them firmly in place.

“... Are you done?” Nico asked. There’s no reason they should have to leave their own art exhibition. No, they needed to stand their ground and kick Hades out of here.

“No, Niccolo, I am not done,” Hades signed, and Nico could feel the rising tide of anger splash against the shore of his father’s chest. No matter how old they got, the tightness they felt in their chest around their father never went away. They doubted they would ever stop fearing his wrath.

But now that they were an adult, they didn’t have to take it anymore. “Then tell me whatever it is you want to tell me, and then get out,” they signed, wondering if their hands were shaking as much as they thought they were.

“Your grandfather passed away,” Hades began. “Your mother’s father. None of her family had any way to contact you, so I’m here to deliver the message.”

Nico frowned, for once looking their father in the eyes. “This couldn’t have been a text?” They asked. “And what does that have to do with Hazel?”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with Hazel. But I figured, if I get to see one of my children, I’d like to see the other as well.” Hades explained, and Nico wondered if that statement was meant to sound a little pathetic.

“She’s busy,” Nico signed, turning their gaze back to the paintings on the wall. 

Hades let out a sigh, shaking his head. “I figured she would be,” he muttered aloud, staring at the painting of Nico and Hazel. Nico wasn’t sure if they wanted to rip the paintings from the walls and hide them away, safe from their father, or if they wanted to peel his eyes open and force him to stare at them. Look. Look at what you’ve done to me.

A long stretch of uncomfortable silence passed before Hades spoke again. “Your cousins in Italy want you to come for the funeral.”

“I can’t afford that,” Nico signed, hoping their short, snippy responses would put an end to the conversation. Unfortunately for them, their father can’t take a hint.

“I will pay for your plane ticket,” Hades said. “... I have paid for your plane ticket. The plane leaves in the morning.” He pulled the ticket from his pocket, handing it over to Nico. They stared, dumbfounded, at the slip of paper.

“You bought me a plane ticket for tomorrow morning?” Nico asked, their eyes glued to the paper in Hades’ hand, not sure whether or not they wanted to take it. 

Who the hell does that? Who, after years of being ignored by their grown children, shows up out of the blue at their art exhibition with a plane ticket to their home country, that leaves in less than 24 hours? What’s wrong with this man?

“I can’t go,” they signed, shaking their head. “I have work tomorrow morning.”

“Please consider it,” Hades signed, taking hold of Nico’s hand, pressing the paper against their palm. “If not for me, then for your mother. She would have wanted you to go.”

Anger burned within Nico at the mention of their mother. They yanked their hand away from their father, looking down at the piece of paper. They wanted to scream, to claw their father’s eyes from his head for daring to speak of their mother so casually. Where was the reverence? The despair? For all this man has done, he should fall to his knees and weep at the mere thought of the saint Maria di Angelo.

“Only if I can bring someone else,” they decided finally. “I need to be able to bring someone with me.”

Hades stared at them for a moment, before slowly nodding. “I can do that,” he decided. “Yes, Niccolo. I will do that for you.”

Nico folded the paper, slipping it into their pocket. “You can email it to me,” they signed, turning their back on their father to return to the table of refreshments, despite their still-full cup of coffee. 

Leo, having stayed a silent observer throughout that whole interaction between Nico and Hades, followed them back towards the snacks. “You okay?” He asked, watching Nico try to appear busy while they waited for Hades to leave.

They turned to face him, their hands just now beginning to shake as they signed, “How do you feel about taking a trip to Italy?”

Chapter Text

Leo assumed his plans for this weekend would be vegging out on the couch, doordashing the most McDonalds a single person had ever eaten in one sitting, and watching trash movies until he passed out, i.e., the perfect weekend. He never, not in a million years, would have guessed that the cutie he’d met that he’s so totally not in love with would invite him to Italy for free , especially not to meet their extended family. But hey, life throws you curveballs sometimes.

He watched as Nico vibrated behind their computer screen, sending off emails to professors, students, TA’s, and so on, letting them know about the situation. Their leg bounced so fast Leo was worried it would start to smoke.

“Are you sure you wanna bring me?” Leo asked, his one suitcase packed and set beside the door, his carry-on full of medications beside it. “I mean, when Hazel’s an option.”

Nico paused for a moment, the gears turning in their head, as if it took Leo mentioning her name for them to realize that bringing Hazel was an option. Leo hoped for a moment that it was because they wanted him to go, more than anyone else, not just because he happened to be the only person around. 

Though, they quickly shook their head, instead engrossing themself in the tedious task of sifting through piles and piles of black clothing to find the specific one they wanted to bring. Their shaking hands gripped and pulled at long stretches of fabric, tossing aside ripped jeans and long chiffon skirts, trying to find the clothes they were looking for.

Leo stared at their fingers, as he so often did. There was something so beautiful about getting to see Nico’s hands, their fingers long and thin. He wondered how someone’s fingers could look so elegant despite the way their knuckles were permanently bruised, despite the prominent blue veins just below their skin, despite how the paint under their nails always looked a bit too much like dried blood.

Leo watched as Nico’s graceful, shaking hands grabbed at the pile of dirty clothes on their floor, and watched as their slender fingers twitch, each moving independently of the others, spindly little appendages, like spider’s legs. He watched as they ripped through the pile, wondering if they knew how loud their breathing had become.

Slowly slipping from his position in his wheelchair, Leo lowered himself to the ground beside Nico, wrapping his hands around theirs. He felt their body tense, though Leo wasn’t ready to let go of them quite yet. He held them there, both of them knee deep in dirty clothes, forcing them to take a breath. 

When Leo no longer thought Nico was about to melt down, he slowly let go of their hands, asking,  “What are you looking for?” 

Nico took a shaking breath, cracking their knuckles one by one, their eyes returning to the laundry pile. “My sweater,” they answered finally, scanning the pile to see if it would pop out at them. “It has flowers on it.”

Leo nodded, shooing Nico away from the pile, picking up clothes one by one, setting them aside until he pulled out a pullover sweatshirt large enough to swallow Nico whole. The sleeves had holes chewed into the cuffs, the floral design chipping and wrinkled, the drawstring for the hoodie long gone. Leo watched Nico’s worry fade from their face, if only just a little bit, as he handed the well-loved sweatshirt over. 

They slipped it over their head, thanking Leo. “Sorry you had to touch my dirty clothes. That was probably gross.”

Leo shook his head, waving it off. “It was nothing,” Leo signed, wondering if Nico knew he would fucking kill and die for them, and that looking through slightly smelly clothes was literally nothing in comparison. “Feeling a little better?”

Nico stared into space for a moment, before nodding. Of fucking course they did, why would they ever admit to not being okay? Nico hated nothing more than feeling vulnerable.

It made sense for them to not be okay, considering they had to see their shitty father against their will, and now all this was happening. It would make it so much easier on them to just admit that this is fucking getting to them.

“Do you want to talk about anything?” Leo asked. He tried not to press too much, but damn, this is a lot to carry alone.

Nico shook their head, “No. No, I’m fine, I think,” they waved him off, grabbing a few more things to stuff into their suitcase. “I just don’t want this to be happening. Who is he to show up at the place where things finally feel okay and just… fuck everything up? Who let him do that?” 

Leo waited a moment, wondering if Nico would start talking about their problems. When they didn’t, he realized he had no idea how to comfort people. So, they did what any regular person would do. 

“This guy bothering you, king?” He asked, throwing a couple punches into the air before kissing his knuckles. “I’ll defeat your dad in combat. I’m like the Scott Pilgrim of shitty dads.”

Nico stared at him for a moment, shaking their head slowly, a smile creeping onto their face. “You’re a dweeb.”

Seeing a smile on Nico’s face, however small it may be, felt like a win to Leo. 

“We’re gonna make it through this, okay? Together.” Leo closed up the lid to Nico’s suitcase, starting to zip it up, when he felt Nico’s hands stopping him.

“One more thing,” they signed, grabbing a small box from atop their dresser, placing it gingerly in the suitcase, wrapping a couple of shirts around it to protect it. 

“... Bianca never to go home to Italy. I want her to get to see it again.” Their fingers raked through their hair, finally having stopped their shaking. 

Leo wondered if it would be okay to try and hold their hands again. His mind wandered of its own accord, as it so often did, imagining that a day would come when he could wrap his arms around Nico and squeeze them until they felt okay again. When he could trace hearts against the back of their head as he played with their hair, or press kisses to their forehead, or hold them so tight their skin melted with his. Or, y’know. Other normal things.

He sat back down in his chair, hoping that would keep him from reaching out to touch them.

"That's really nice of you," he said after some time.

Deciding to just move on from his gay thoughts, Leo checked to make sure they both had their important items, considering Nico had just kind of haphazardly thrown fistfuls of black clothing into their bag without checking to make sure what they were actually bringing. This level of disorganized bullshit packing shocked and amazed Leo, who freaked out upon learning he was going to Italy out of the blue and packed a whole wardrobe’s worth of clothing. Granted, Leo didn’t really own that many clothes, but still. He brought them all. 

At Leo’s insistence, Nico made sure to pack a nice shirt and pair of slacks, before closing the lid on their suitcase.

The only thing more nerve-wracking than being totally in love with your friend who doesn’t love you back is airplanes. Nico leaned their head back against the seat, their hands gripping the armrests as the pilot announced they were about to take off. They turned towards Leo, watching as he interpreted to the best of his ability what the pilot had said. 

Nico snickered, remembering in moments like these that Leo still wasn’t the best at ASL.

“Airplane,” they corrected, their hand tilted forward much more than Leo’s had been. “You were close, though. But you were signing I love you.” 

“Freudian slip,” Leo mumbled aloud, hoping Nico didn’t see his lips moving. To be fair to him, the signs were quite similar. He copied the sign the way Nico had shown him, correcting his sentence. 

Nico stared at Leo, trying not to look past him and out the window at the runway as they started to take off. Not a terrible position to be in, honestly, having to stare at Leo. Their huge, black eyes watched him as he repeated the sign a couple of times, trying to commit it to memory, before pulling a deck of cards out of his pocket. 

“Wanna play?” Leo asked. “I’m pretty amazing at Crazy Eights and Go Fish.”

The anxiety and stress Nico had been feeling started to fade into the background as they watched Leo try to shuffle the cards as the airplane was still gaining altitude. They giggled, watching him struggle to keep the cards on his lap, considering he wasn’t allowed to have his tray table down at takeoff. They caught stray cards as they started to slip between the seats and onto the floor, laughing as they watched Leo continue to shuffle them until the plane was stable in the sky.

“Okay,” Leo signed, looking up from the mess of cards in his lap. “I think they’re shuffled enough.”

Nico shook their head, giggles still escaping their throat. They wanted to thank him for doing that, for distracting them from how fucking terrifying it was to be in an airplane, especially one that’s dropping them off in their home country where they have to deal with grieving relatives. Somehow, Leo is able to make them forget all of that. 

“Teach me how to play Crazy Eights,” Nico signed. “I never learned.”

Leo gasped, mouth hanging open. “You never learned how to play Crazy Eights? What kind of childhood did you have?”

They raised an eyebrow at him, deciding to just ignore that. “I’m gonna kick your ass at Crazy Eights,” they signed, picking up the cards as Leo dealt them out.

So much of that flight involved the two of them going back and forth, each demanding a rematch from the other (well, mostly Leo demanding rematches from Nico, who was somehow fucking incredible at Crazy Eights). Eventually, though, Leo could barely keep his eyes open anymore, which was incredible for someone with insomnia. Despite how badly he wanted to keep playing cards with Nico, he couldn’t let this opportunity pass him by. He fell asleep in the strangest, most uncomfortable-looking in his seat, unaware that Nico was watching him.

They stared at his sleeping face, pulling their legs up onto the seat to curl up as well. Nico watched his sleeping face for as long as they could, until they drifted off, right beside Leo.

Chapter Text

The sea-salted air of Venice refreshed the body of anyone used to breathing in New York. To Leo, the canal streets lined with gothic Venetian architecture was like something out of a fairy tale, no way that it could possibly be a real place. 

To Nico, it was a return to a home they barely recall, full of half-remembered memories of people who are long gone. They could recall, vaguely, walking to the store with their mother and sister, hand in hand, down the street a ways away, a street they could just barely see. They could remember Bianca chasing them down the canal when they were young, their small legs struggling to outrun their older sister, before getting scooped up into her arms. Before their family had left Italy, they knew, they had certainly smiled more.

They doubted they’d be doing much smiling this time, though. Nico looked over at Leo, wondering if it would be weird to try and hold his hand. Maybe then they would crack a smile.

Before they could work up the courage to try it, they spotted a sharply dressed man holding up a sign with their surname written across it in spiraling calligraphy.

The car ride to the di Angelo family home wasn’t extremely long, though it did give Nico and Leo a moment to breathe. Apparently, Nico’s grandmother didn’t live in the city, but a small town outside of it. 

“Holy spaghetti and meatballs, Batman,” Leo muttered, though he knew Nico wasn’t looking at him. They stood perfectly still, staring at the large house that stood before them.

Their grandparents' house was large, perhaps one of the largest in the city. Honestly, house probably wasn’t the right term for it. Leo would call something this opulent a villa . White stucco walls, a brick foundation, vines of ivy and wisteria winding up the sides to show off that their family had been rich long enough for their beautiful home to find itself surrounded by nature. The front overlooked a massive garden, complete with fountains pouring crystal clear water over marble, sparkling in the sunlight. 

Nico led the way down the stone path, making sure they were slow enough to account for Leo’s chair on the uneven terrain (that, and the fact that his jaw was dragging on the floor).

Leo spotted a giant gazebo off the path, where it seemed a young couple was having a heated discussion, surrounded by the glorious garden. The foliage was so green Leo had to squint to stare at the vibrant flowers, though mostly he just wanted to parse out what was going on in the conversation through whatever Italian words he could filter through to Spanish. They were just far enough away that he couldn’t quite hear them, though he knew it had to be something juicy, considering they quieted down a bit when they saw people passing by.

Before they could even reach the front door, it swung open, and Leo half-expected a butler to come take their bags or something, some kind of rich person bullshit. Instead, he saw an elderly Italian woman. (Unfortunate, Leo thought. He wouldn’t mind seeing some strong, handsome Italian men carrying things for him).

“Niccolo!” An elderly woman shouted as the door opened, and before they could even process what was happening, Nico was yanked in through the door, pulled into a tight hug. She looked to be in her late seventies, with a nose that reminded Leo of Nico’s. The woman pulled back from the hug to kiss their face, leaving wet old-lady stains across their cheeks. “Sweet boy, how long has it been since we have seen you?” She asked. Though, her words were in Italian, so Nico could not hear them and Leo could not understand them.

“Mom,” a woman interrupted, one hand rested on the woman’s shoulder, the other supporting a baby on her hip. “Niccolo is Deaf, remember? He can’t hear what you’re saying.” She smiled at Nico, holding her arm out for a hug.

Nico, knowing they would have to deal with hugging about a million people today, gave the woman they were somehow related to a quick hug. They pulled away, giving the baby a cordial nod, not sure what the hell else to do with a one year old that was staring them down. The woman made the baby’s hand wave at Nico, before setting him down to crawl about the house. 

“It’s been a long time since you were home. We all missed you so much, Niccolo.” the woman signed. Nico stared for a moment, wondering how they could have possibly gotten rusty at LIS.

It took a moment for the words to come back to them, which only made them feel worse. “It has been a long time,” they agreed, unsure of what else they could say. They knew they had seen this woman before, at their mother’s funeral, at Bianca’s, and most likely before they moved to America, but they couldn’t for the life of them remember who she was.

“You’ve grown so much! I hope you didn’t forget your favorite aunt.” Well, that was easy. Didn’t even have to ask.

“Of course not, though I may need help remembering some other people…” Nico trailed off, seeing more and more family members enter the room. 

“I’d love to reintroduce you,” she said, starting to turn to look at the rest of the family members that had slowly started to funnel into the room. Nico’s mystery aunt glanced back to the doorway where Leo was. “Oh! You’ve brought a friend!” She signed, waving for Leo to come in. “Oh– oh, dear, do you need some help?” She asked aloud, her English laced with a thick Italian accent. 

Leo looked at the steps up to the di Angelo family’s home, before waving her off. “No, this is nothing,” he said, though he didn’t mind at all when the man from the gazebo carried him, wheelchair and all, up the steps and into the house. Leo wasn’t subtle with how he stared at the beefy man’s strong, strong muscles.

The elderly woman considered him for a moment, before giving him a gentle smile. Though she only spoke in Italian, it was similar enough to Spanish that Leo could understand her saying, “Hello, dear.”

Leo greeted her as well with a huge, toothy smile, a wave, and a mumbled, “M’lady.” If Nico could’ve heard him, they would have pushed him.

“Nice to meet you,” Auntie So-and-so said, holding out her hand to shake Leo’s. “I’m Francesca.”

“Leo,” he shook her hand, glancing back over at Nico, whose body seemed to have gone rigid. Maybe if they didn’t move, no one would be able to see them?

Nico stared at their relatives, already seeming overwhelmed. Where are they all coming from? How the hell are there this many? Oh god, they were all staring at them .

A barrage of aunties came pushing through the crowd to give Nico tight hugs, kissing their face and cooing about how much they had grown, reminiscing about the time they had gotten to spend with Nico as a baby, giggling with each other over how cute they had been, wondering if time really had passed so quickly. How was Maria’s little baby so old?

Nico was glad they couldn’t hear them. Their eyes darted from the women around them to Leo, hoping that he would somehow be able to save them from all the old Italian women smothering him.

Before Leo even got the chance to interfere (not that he would have anyway, thinking it was hilarious and cute to watch Nico be covered in kisses although he wanted to be the one doing it), Aunt Francesca came to save them from the group. 

“I think we should show Niccolo and his friend to their room. The poor kids must be exhausted, that flight from America is no joke,” she said, signing as she did so for Nico’s sake. Turning to Nico and Leo, Francesca continued, “Why don’t you two settle in? We’re starting dinner soon, come on down when you’re ready, alright?”

She showed the two of them to separate guest rooms, much to Leo’s disappointment, though he didn’t let it show. “Thank you, Auntie Francesca!” He said with a wink and a fingergun in her direction, to which the woman just looked confused.

“Of course. Come down when you’re ready, alright?” She said, disappearing back downstairs. 

Nico took a deep breath, already seeming to regret accepting their father’s forced invitation. “Do you think they’ll notice if I sneak out the window and never come back?” Nico asked, glad to finally get to set down both their and Leo’s suitcases.

“Your family seems nice,” Leo said. “And, like, filthy rich? This is weird to you too, right? Maybe I should’ve showered before getting on the plane, all these rich people probably think you found me in a little hole somewhere like a rat. Like you reached into the nearest hole and pulled out a little rodent and decided to keep it.”

Nico looked over at him, exhausted, not quite sure how to respond to that. How could Leo have so much to say all the time? Being Deaf, Nico really didn’t mind silence, but it seemed as though Leo always had to fill the space with something. 

Why did they like him so much? Sure, he’s cute and funny, and he makes Nico feel so at ease, he’s charming and witty, and he always knows what to say and–

Oh my god gayboy, chill. That is so not important right now. What’s important is settling into the lavish guest room their aunt had dropped them off at so they could deal with the fact that their grandfather (who they hadn’t seen since they were probably eight years old) was dead. Why, despite everything that was going on, did their brain decide the most important thing to do right now was to count Leo’s eyelashes? What were they, twelve? Were they going to write him a note that said “Do you like-like me? Yes or no?”

And no, they weren’t going to examine the fact that they had a crush on Leo any further. That was so childish, it’s almost ridiculous. Adults didn’t have crushes. Adults should know that crushes were stupid and immature and that they should either wait for their soulmate or be content without romance in their lives and focus on the things that matter, and move on with their lives. Leo doesn’t love them. Leo can’t love them, so give it a rest already because it’s just going to hurt more when he finds whoever it is he’s looking for.

“Let’s just put our stuff down,” they said, helping drag Leo’s suitcase into his room first before they thought to move their own stuff.

It was clear that Leo’s talk of a shower was just that: talk. He made no attempt to find a shower to use, not even to wash his face or brush his teeth. Though, luckily for everyone involved, he did decide to put on deodorant, and Nico was pretty sure he’d sprayed dry shampoo into his shiny, springy curls.

Nico had sat on the bed, staring out the window. From where their room was, they could see across the lake behind the villa, their heart pounding in their chest. There was one memory of their early childhood still vivid in their mind, one that they would much rather forget. It was funny how that worked, wasn’t it? Anything they wished that they could remember was long gone, buried under years of psychological trauma, unable to be unearthed. But this? This memory would never leave them.

They remembered the snow as it fell silently to the ground, the night calm and quiet, unlike inside of the house where the adults were still up drinking and chatting.

Nico didn’t really care about sneaking down into the party to try and steal some of the treats, unlike their cousins and sister, who attempted such a feat every year, despite having been loaded up on sugar after dinner anyway. This year, Nico decided not to partake in the great dessert heist. No, they wanted something much more exciting.

Nico snuck down to the edge of the lake, their new ice skates in hand. Plopping down to the ground, they shoved their tiny feet into the skates, velcro-ing them closed before standing on wobbling feet. Nico stared out over the calmness of the lake, remembering earlier that day when the rest of their family had skated together. Nico had had to hold their mother’s hands the entire time, totally unable to force their small body to cooperate, to keep themself upright like everyone else had done. 

They remembered seeing Bianca skate, how graceful their older sister had been as she sped through the crowd of family members. She had been on the ice since she could walk, and Nico knew of nothing more beautiful than watching their sister as she swirled around in the snow.

Tomorrow, they would show her they could be that beautiful, too.

Nico stepped out onto the ice, their body wobbling, already unable to stay up. Undeterred, Nico pushed themself back to their feet, doing their best to remember what their mother had taught them. They weren’t as coordinated as Bianca, nor did they know how to force their body to move the way an ice skater’s should. Though, little by little, they had pushed themself to move along the ice. Without a mother to hold onto, though, they did have quite the difficult time keeping themself from falling over. 

Determined, they kept getting back up, finally able to make it a few steps along before slipping. It was quite the improvement, they had to say, from falling to the ground as soon as they stood on the ice. Bianca was going to be so, so proud. They could already picture the look on her face, the tight hug she would give them when they skated out to her on the ice tomorrow morning.

They were so wrapped up in the thought, that they barely noticed how the ice started to splinter below them. Not until they fell to the ground once more, seeing deep cracks in the ice below. They looked down through the pale of the ice, down into the inky abyss that laid below, and for the first time they learned what it truly meant to fear.

Nico looked around, now realizing just how far from the edge of the lake they were.

“Momma!” They screamed, their little voice shrill and thin, wondering if she would be able to hear him over the music. 

They screamed for her again, though in the dark of night they couldn’t see any movement coming from the house. She was so far from them, so completely out of their reach.

“Bianca!” Nico cried, the tears forming in their eyes stung with the cold wind that blew around them, whipping the falling snow through the air. The world outside wasn’t peaceful, it was cold, unforgiving, terrifying.

No one was there. No one was coming to save them, and the cracks below were only growing. Nico didn’t know what to do, how could they cross the lake back to shore before the ice gave out?

They struggled to their hands and knees, hoping perhaps to crawl back home, though as soon as they moved their hand, the ice creaked, and they pulled it back instantly. Adrenaline coursed through their small body, and Nico scrambled, hoping that if they were quick enough, they could get to shore before the lake swallowed them whole.

Nico whimpered, the tears in their eyes freely falling down their cheeks as they tried to make their way back to the edge of the lake. 

It must have only been seconds since they had yelled, but it felt like a thousand years. Nico wondered if god had been listening to them, had seen what was happening and somehow allowed their mother to hear them call to her over the music. Whatever the case was, they saw the light of the back porch turn on, a figure standing illuminated in the dark. Whether it was their mother or an angel, Nico wasn’t entirely sure.

“Momma!” They called, trying to slowly rise to their feet, feeling hope swell in their chest as they see the figure rushing towards them. Nico could nearly see her face now, a smile starting to creep its way onto their face, when they could feel the ice give out below them.

They couldn’t remember much after that. They remembered the fear, the feeling of the air leaving their lungs, only to be replaced with water as they sputtered and flailed around, trying to find their way back to the surface. The way their eyes stung, held wide open in the dark of the midnight lake, searching for a way to push the water back out of their lungs. How it crushed their body from the inside, the suffocation of having no air at all inside of them. Their mouth held open wide, searching for the relief of the surface, only to find more water, cold and thick, excited to find one more place to pour itself into. They remembered as they started to lose consciousness, the world around them entirely black already.

Nico remembered the pain of the cracked ribs in their chest from their father giving them CPR, the water from their chest spewing from their blue lips as he pushed down hard, though they could not recall the way their mother screamed when she heard their ribs crack. They remembered waking up in a hospital room, their parents and sister surrounding them, the look of relief on their mother’s face when she saw them open their eyes again.

They could remember the weeks that followed, the way that their body burned with fever, delirious and ill, how they would vomit every meal their mother tried to feed them. Meningitis, they would learn later, was what they had contracted from the bacteria in the lake. Each day they spent sick in bed passed in a blur, Nico too dizzy to even sit up, their head pounding and muscles aching, the cruel revenge of the lake taken upon a body too small to handle it. They remember their sister sitting beside them as their body seized, struggling to fight off the infection. They remembered returning to the hospital, where they would stay until their fever finally broke. They remembered how the world became silent around them.

What they couldn’t remember, however, was the sound of their mother’s voice.

But what was more important, they would remind themself, was watching her learn LIS for them. They watched every day as she would throw herself into the lessons with them, wanting nothing more than to be able to communicate with Nico. They remembered how she would sign “I love you” every morning when she woke them up, and each night as she tucked them into bed, and about a million times in between. She would tell them how happy she was that they were here, alive and safe, how beautiful it was to get to learn their language with them. She would kiss them and hold them, never once allowing Nico to blame themself for what happened, never once making them feel like a burden for their disability. It was because of Maria that Nico loved being Deaf, that they were proud of it.

They knew their late night swim in the lake had scared her more than she would ever tell them, that she was so afraid of losing her baby that she wouldn’t leave their side. The guilt of it ate at them, knowing now how stupid it was to sneak out like that. 

Nico never went down to the lake again after that. Nor any large body of water, for that matter. They were even afraid to go to the ice rink to watch Bianca skate, though now they regretted that with every fiber of their being. They wished they could see their sister skate again, the grainy videos their father took of her competitions years ago didn’t do her justice.

As Nico finally was able to pry their eyes away from the lake, they turned their head only a bit to the side, seeing Leo sitting not an inch away from them. 

Nico gasped, jumping away. “What are you doing?” They asked, eyes wide.

“You were staring out the window for, like, ten minutes,” Leo said, raising an eyebrow. “It was crazy. I’ve never seen someone zone out that hard.”

Nico took a deep breath, shaking their head as they closed the curtains. “I’m just tired,” they said, stretching as they got up off the bed, starting to walk towards the door. “Let’s go have dinner with some strangers.”

Chapter Text

Air pushed through the open windows of the dining room, billowing curtains and pushing past the leaves of potted plants, carrying with it the scent of summer winding to a close. Nico looked around at their extended family, bustling around to serve each other platefuls of steak and greenery, practically forcing dinner rolls upon each other. They saw Aunt Francesca pouring cups of red wine, raising a glass to both them and Leo as they entered. They weren't sure how the light from a crystal chandelier could look so warm and inviting, but by god it did. Huh. So this is what a loving family is like. Got it.

Nico led the way to the table, followed by a very eager Leo, who seemed to love all the attention he was getting from the nearest auntie, who pinched his cheeks and handed him a plate piled high with food, babbling on about how he was far too skinny.

They didn't realize the smile that had wriggled its way onto their face as they watched him, not until Francesca pointed it out, after which they quickly forced it away.

"I'm so glad you were able to come all the way, I know it's a long trip from America," she signed once she had set a plate down in front of Nico. "I know Nonna appreciates it. ... Nonno would, too, but. Well, the dead don't matter so much, do they?"

Nico would beg to differ. Most of the people who mattered to them were dead. But instead, they remained polite, giving her a nod in return. They understood what she meant, that Nonno didn't have any way to care whether Nico showed up or not, but they didn't like the way she phrased it. Like the dead were inconsequential. If this dead person was inconsequential, they wondered if Aunt Francesca thought the same of all dead people.

They chose not to ask. Instead, they took a rather large sip of wine, which turned into two sips, which turned into them chugging the entire glass. Francesca blinked, watching her nephew down the wine, before giving them a pat on the back and refilling their glass. "Your mother's son," she said, her smile fond.

Nico sat, finally, as the rest of the family started to. Though they hadn't been here in many years, they knew better than to dig in before someone said grace. Although it was only about a minute, it felt as though it dragged on forever. Nico remembered playing this game, trying to keep their head down so none of the adults would chastise them, but trying to peak around to see when they were finally done praying. It's the little things, honestly, that the people around them didn't consider.

Now, though, no one seemed to care that Nico's eyes stayed open throughout the prayer. Oh, what a joy it was to be an adult. They looked across the table to see one of their cousins being scolded for sneaking a bite of his dinner roll before the prayer was over. Nico hid their mouth behind their hand, trying not to laugh at the kid. Which, they realized, was kind of mean. He couldn't have been more than ten, but come on. They had been way sneakier at his age.

As Nico's knife sliced into the slab of steak, it split apart eagerly, so much so they hardly needed the knife, only using it to be polite. A steak this tender could be cut with just their fork, dripping with an herby butter that was almost enough to make them tear up. The salad on their plate was fresh and lush, greenery mixed with an assortment of fresh vegetables, something Nico so rarely saw. As they took a bite of mashed potatoes, they remembered that it was possible to actually make them from real potatoes, instead of powdery boxed bullshit. The roll was so flaky and buttery, they almost forgot all of the table manners their parents had taught them, nearly devouring their meal with such perverse fervor they wouldn't have blamed her if their grandmother kicked them out of the house.

Remembering where they were, Nico stayed domesticated, using a knife and fork to eat their meal instead of their bare hands, the way they wanted to.

The room filled with laughter and loud voices, Nico assumed, though they could never really be sure. To their right, Aunt Francesca had started chatting to the man beside her, his left hand rested atop her right one. Her husband, Nico guessed. They decided not to bother them.

To their left, Nico saw Leo. Sweet, shining Leo, who could make friends with just about anyone, was dazzling Nico's family members with some sort of tale. They doubted he knew they were watching him, otherwise he would almost assuredly be signing as well. But even without knowing what he was saying, Nico enjoyed watching him. In the warm light, his freckles stood out against his dark skin like seashells against the sand, like stars against the night sky. They hadn't noticed earlier that day, but there was a splash of red near his eye, from where he'd missed wiping off the little sprinkles he drew on his face yesterday. It probably wouldn't be appropriate for them to reach over and wipe it off with their thumb, would it?

The curls on Leo's head bounced as he laughed, making Nico's breath catch in their throat. Even in this unfamiliar place, Leo was able to laugh like he always did. And from the look of it, everyone around him seemed pretty at ease as well. Nico really admired that about him, not that they were going to say that. But the way that Leo could always make himself at home, the way he could make friends no matter where he went and who he was with? Nico wished they could be like that.

Suddenly, Nico was far more fascinated by Leo than by their delicious meal, very slowly bringing forkfuls of mashed potato to their mouth, their eyes staying on their friend the whole time.

Nico only snapped out of it when they felt a hand on their shoulder. Flinching, they turned to look over their shoulder, seeing Francesca smiling at them.

"I'm going to put Marco to bed," she said, and finally Nico noticed the baby sitting on her lap. Had that been there the whole time? "Have you met my husband, Antonio?" She asked, gesturing to the man who sat beside her. Antonio gave a wave and a bright smile, to which Nico waved in return. "If you need anything, please let him know."

Francesca left, though not before pressing a quick kiss to her husband's forehead, and Nico stared at the now empty stop beside them, surprised at how alone they could feel surrounded by their family.

Nico tried not to stare at him, but it was quite difficult when it felt as though all the light in the room was coming from Leo. All Nico could do was bask in his glow, hoping their shadow didn't seep into the brightness of Leo Valdez.

As if he could tell how Nico felt, as he always fucking did, Leo turned towards them. They had been signing along with their spoken words the entire conversation, entirely for Nico's benefit, just in case they wanted to join in, and once again Nico had to wonder how they could possibly think the world's most perfect man was actually their soulmate.

"What do you think about taking a walk after dinner?" He asked, now only signing. This time, his words were only for Nico. "I actually have a little energy right now, as long as we don't go too far. We could walk down to the lake?"

The look on Nico's face must have been all that needed to be said. "Or we could watch a movie?"

Now that? That they could do.

Perhaps they could tell Leo about what happened at the lake. One day. They still weren't sure if they were prepared to cry in front of Leo. Knowing him, he would probably know exactly how to put them back together once they fell apart, and honestly, Nico wasn't sure they knew how to handle that kindness yet.

It was such a relief to be away from their family, Nico honestly had no idea how they managed to survive dinner. Being back in Italy brought up quite a bit emotionally, and with so many people around to get into their business, they were really longing for home, and for Hazel.

"I bet your rich family has Netflix," Leo said, apparently deeming paying for a streaming service the height of luxury. And honestly, at this point, it kind of is.

Nico grabbed the remote, flicking on the television, to discover that their rich family had not only Netflix, but Hulu, Peacock, and HBO Max as well.

Leo's eyes were wide with excitement, flipping though the thousands of movie options at their disposal. "It's so cool to watch a movie on a TV and not, like, my phone," he said.

"You don't have a TV?" Nico asked. "You love technology though?"

Leo shrugged. "I've never had a TV. When I was a kid, we couldn't afford one, and I just... Y'know. Never bothered getting one." He shrugged. "It just makes watching it so much more special whenever I get the chance."

"But you choose to watch movies on your phone-- You have a laptop!"

Once again, Leo shrugged, selecting a movie from the millions. Legally Blonde.

"It's my off-the-grid lifestyle," Leo decided, automatically turning on the captions. "English or Italian?"

"To have an off-the-grid lifestyle, you can't have a phone," Nico insisted. "Italian."

Leo set the captions to Italian and switched over the audio to English. "You wish you were me," he said. "You wish you were so mentally healthy that you never spent your time watching TV and instead focused on the real world."

Nico took a deep breath, shaking their head. "You watch TikToks for entire days at a time."

Leo snickered, knowing that Nico loved this type of stupid bickering. "Actually," he said, "I watch Instagram Reels. I don't have TikTok anymore."

"That's worse!" A small smile started to tug at their lips, and Nico did everything in their power to not let it take over their face.

It seemed as though Leo had no such hang-ups. He grinned his dopey, silly little grin, leaning back against the headboard of Nico's bed. "Yeah, and?" He asked.

There wasn't a comeback in the world that could go up against the power of a so-what? Nico sighed, shaking their head, pulling their blanket up around their shoulders, only now starting to realize how close their body was to Leo's.

It would be so easy to rest their head on his shoulder. So easy to put an arm around him, to lean their body close to his and feel the warmth radiate off of him, directly onto their skin.

Nico's hand rested on the mattress between them, wondering if they started inching it closer to Leo, if it would be worth touching his hand for a single moment, before they both pulled their hands away. The movie began, and Nico couldn't pay attention to a single word of it, their mind entirely occupied with the idea of being allowed a single second of touching his hand to Leo's.

As they agonized over the strategy they would have to employ, a miracle fell into their lap.

Leo's hand, rough and cracking and warm, fell atop theirs.

Nico's breath caught in their throat. They never wanted him to move it away, cherishing each second they found their hand underneath Leo's. Which, honestly, was quite a few more seconds than Nico assumed it would be. Once it had reached an entire minute, Nico began to think it was there to stay. Good, they thought. Let it stay there so long their flesh melted together, for all they cared.

They knew they couldn't be so lucky. Not long after Nico started to relax, Leo pulled his hand away to open up a candy he'd pulled out of his pocket.

That night, when Leo had returned back to his room, Nico laid on their side to stare at the place Leo had been. They stared at the way the sheets rumpled, at the damn candy wrapper Leo had forgotten to throw in the trash when he left. They reached their hand out, resting it on the still-warm sheets. Nico went to sleep that night, allowing just for a moment to imagine how it would feel to fall asleep beside Leo.

Chapter Text

The mourning process was such a god damn show in this family.  

Yeah, sure, everyone grieves differently, but this was a league of its own. Perhaps it was the fact that Nico’s grandfather was a politician, or the culture, or the fact that the di Angelo’s were filthy stinkin’ rich, Leo didn’t know. But he’d never been to a wake that rivaled the Met Gala. Even Marco was wearing a tiny, baby-sized cravat. The manor was packed full of family, friends, and government officials. Each of them wore suits or dresses that cost more money than Leo would make in a year. Women in pearl necklaces and black veils over their eyes wiped tears with silk handkerchiefs, while men in suits with satin lapels sipped scotch or black coffee. They all were putting on a perfect display of what one would expect of mourners, it almost looked like watching a play.  

And it seemed as though their eyes passed through him.  

From the looks of it, Nico felt like just as much of an outsider, looking out of place in the hand-me-down suit they’d bought from Goodwill last year for a school event.  

A wake for someone you haven’t seen in fifteen years is a strange place to be in. So of course, Nico was in a weird mood. Obviously. I mean, who wouldn't be, if they were having to deal with their entire extended family like this? Especially someone who craved being alone so very much. And they were all dressed so stupid...  

Leo wasn't sure if (or even how) he could help them. He wasn't very good at comforting people, and he doubted that was what Nico wanted anyway. He tried to send them a telepathic message that they were god’s bravest soldier and most special little guy, but he was unsure if the message was received.    

It wasn’t long before Nico was overtaken by a large group of relatives and family friends, and Leo lost sight of them. He craned his neck to try and scan the crowd, but from where his chair was all he could see were a bunch of Italian butts. Not a position he particularly wanted to be in.  

He decided to make himself scarce. Leo stayed put in the di Angelo's living room, unsure of if he was welcome with the grieving family members to do much else. He figured the smart move was to keep an eye over the youngsters so their parents could focus on grieving, though it seems like someone beat him to it.  

In the giant sitting room were several nannies, or at least he assumed they were nannies. Even they seemed to be dressed to impress, though their outfits seemed a bit more practical, and definitely less expensive. They seemed rather busy caring for the little ones, and Leo shifted a bit in his chair, figuring this probably wasn’t a good place for him either. Would it be rude to pull out his phone and pretend he was texting?  

As if to save him from social obligation, Marco crawled over to him, grabbing his pant leg with his pudgy little fist.  

“Aw, hey buddy,” he said, hoisting the baby onto his lap, trying his best not to grunt too loudly. This kid was way heavier than he thought he’d be (or maybe Leo was just that weak). Leo could feel his shoulders start to subluxate, the muscles straining under the abnormal pressure, unable to keep the joint in place. Pain bit into him as the joint threatened to pull entirely from its socket. Gritting his teeth, he quickly set the baby in his lap so he could realign them. The pain subsided, leaving him with only the usual ache his joints always had.  

Marco looked up at Leo’s face, reaching up to try and steal his glasses. “No thanks, ya little thief,” Leo said, backing his face away from Marco. When his lower lip started to wobble, Leo grimaced, not wanting to make the baby scream. If all these strangers started looking at him, he felt like he would combust.  

He held Marco’s sides, bouncing him on his knee, frantically trying to remember literally any children’s song. From the recesses of his mind, he finally managed to gather up a memory of one.  

“Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream...” Marco looked up at him, eyes brimming with tears. He stuck his index finger in his mouth, gnwaing at it with his gums.  

“Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream!” He continued, bouncing the baby with each word.  

Marco looked him in the eyes, slowly pulling his finger from his mouth and poking Leo in the cheek with it. When Leo grimaced, the baby squealed, both of his sticky little hands reaching up towards Leo’s face.  

“Aw, sick...” Leo whispered, going back to bouncing.  

“Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream,” he grinned, “if you see an alligator, don’t forget to scream! AAAAH!” He wiggled Marco around, finally getting a giggle from him. Leo beamed, singing the song to him over and over. As long as Marco’s chirping laughter continued, Leo would continue the song.  

Nico was so sick of this. The button down felt like it was strangling them, though they knew Nonna would probably have a heart attack if they unbuttoned it (or god forbid change into something more comfortable), and then they’d just have to go to another one of these stupid things. People they hadn’t seen in years would shake their hands and say things they couldn’t hear, and all they could do was nod along. It was loud, it was crowded, it smelled like old people. It was only nine in the morning.  

No matter how hard they tried, all they could think of was the lake. They didn’t think being here would affect them so much. It had been so long, they barely thought of it in their daily life, but somehow being in the place where it happened has set them on edge.  

And then there was Leo, whose presence made them feel insane. They were in awe of him, how he seemed so comfortable, even around strangers, though NIco was starting to learn that was anything but how they felt.  

They looked over at him, feeling the familiar longing tug at their heart, the warmness they always got when watching Leo. How was it that men always looked so attractive when they were holding babies? Seeing them treat someone that vulnerable with such care, such kindness and patience... Nico decided it was meant that Leo had a beautiful soul or something, and not just that they had daddy issues.  

A small part of their brain egged them on, urging Nico to take a video of Leo playing with the baby, but they knew that would be a bit of an odd act. Not to mention totally embarrassing.  

Honestly, this should be expected by now. They should just expect Leo to be endlessly charming, to be kind and lovable and charismatic. And yet each time they got to witness him doing something like this , it always took the air out of their lungs.  

Nico wanted to look away. They wanted to return their attention to the random relatives and politicians, to put Leo from their mind, but he was just so nice to look at. His acne-scarred skin, the gap between his two front teeth... he was absolutely perfect. The faint creases of his smile lines made Nico’s heart ache. Leo’s life had been so difficult, and still he’s laughed so much. Leo was the sun, bright and warm, and all Nico wanted was to bask in the glow.  

They wondered what it would be like to wake up in the morning and see the light from their open window pass through Leo’s soft hair. In their bed, in their home, one they shared together. How lucky would they be, huh?  

Nico’s eyes softened, allowing themself to live in that world, if only for a moment. Everyone else started to slip away, until it was only the two of them. In this blissful place in their mind they were Leo’s, that he loved them with that whole, huge heart of his. That he would turn to look at them, and when he did, his eyes would light up. He would call them over and tell them how much he loved them. They would kiss his face, and he would know they felt the same.  

Fuck! They couldn’t take it anymore. It had been six months of yearning that made their body ache to be close to him. Six months of waking up in the morning to immediately check their phone and see if Leo had texted. Six months of loving someone who could not love them. They knew that it would only end with Leo apologizing and telling them that they’re not soulmates, but they didn’t think they could stand even one more night of imagining a love that would never be theirs.  

They needed to tell him. Nothing could come of their feelings, and they knew that, but it was going to eat them alive if they didn’t tell him. They hated this secret, this little monster that lived within them, lurking in the background every second of the day. Impossible to ignore, impossible to get rid of.  

Unless they told him.  

When Leo looked up at them, it made them feel so exposed, like he could see their thoughts projected on their forehead. They looked into his eyes, the light reflecting off the brown of his irises, turning them a brilliant, deep gold. Nico felt their cheeks heat up, their instincts telling them to look literally anywhere else, but they couldn’t stop themself from looking into those eyes.  

When their eyes met across the room, strangers crossing between them, Leo felt a jolt of fear, as if for some reason Nico was going to judge him for meeting their gaze. His first instinct was to look away, but the way they looked at him only made him want to keep staring. In the early morning glow, their features were hauntingly beautiful.  

Their skin reflected the light, illuminating their features. How he loved everything about their face! Their dark brown eyes, their abyssal blackness luring him in, as if they wanted him to peer over their edges and fall forever, never to land. Not that he would mind.  

Leo’s eyes drifted over Nico’s nose, crooked and freckled and perfect. God, how could anyone in the world love someone that isn't Nico? How is it possible that someone doesn't want to be held in their gaze, in their arms? How was it possible that the universe is so cruel that he never will be? Leo wanted nothing more than to go to them, like a sailor called to a siren.  

But he couldn't do that. He couldn't walk across their family's grand foyer, grab them by the waist, and kiss them. Someone fucking died.  

It doesn't make him stop thinking about it really hard, though.  

Leo felt a longing settle deep within his stomach. It physically hurt him to imagine Nico seeing someone else the way that he saw them. Is there anyone in the world that they imagine this way? Did they lay awake at night in bed, picturing what their life would be like with someone that Leo did not know? Someone he didn't want to know. It made him want to puke, his stomach churning thinking of this made-up person who Nico couldn't imagine their life without.   

He knew he was being childish. It made sense that he was stuck in here with the other whiny babies. But oh my god, look at them, how were their eyelashes that long? How was it at all fair?   

He wasn't sure if he could keep this within him anymore. How long is it possible to keep these feelings buried? If this setting wasn't enough to stop him from wanting to make a fool of himself, it was surely only a matter of time until his feelings spilled out of his stupid mouth, and he ruined the beautiful friendship they had built together. He didn't want to do anything that could jeopardize his relationship with Nico, it was so incredibly important to him. Even if nothing ever came of the feelings he has for them, he still wanted them to be in his life. He couldn't imagine a world without them at this point. They had become so much a part of him, losing them would mean losing a piece of his soul.   

Leo watched them as they moved out of view, feeling a knife glide down his throat and burying itself into his heart. He looked back down at Marco, who had started trying to eject himself from his lap. He chuckled, setting the kid back on the ground. He can do this. He’s been bottling up his feelings since he was eight years old; he can stop thinking about kissing his friend for one day while they dealt with the death of their grandfather .  

He turned around again, only for his caster wheels to knock into a pair of legs. Leo looked up, ready to use one of the few Italian phrases he’d learned to apologize to this person, when he saw Nico’s face looking back at him. So much for putting them out of his mind, huh?  

“I need to talk to you,” Nico signed, which only made Leo’s mind race through everything he’d done in the past few days, trying to find where he fucked up.  

Leo nodded, “Okay,” he began, but they had already turned away.  

Nico waved for him to follow, making Leo’s heart pound in his chest. “Now?” He asked, but followed them anyway, because of course he would. Of course he would follow Nico, at any time, to any place.  

They led him through the crowd, worming their way to the back porch. They shut the door behind them, their face looking grim, with their eyebrows furrowed and mouth set.  

Leo felt his stomach twist, racing thoughts setting his skin ablaze. Why were they looking at him like that? What had he done? His brain turned to fuzz, it felt like his entire body was burning and melting his insides with it, like his skin was an iron bull, wanting to boil him alive.  

Nico lifted their hands, and he saw the subtle shaking in their fingers.  

“I want...” they began. What? What do I want?  

Leo stared at them, now much more confused than afraid.  

“I want,” they repeated. I want to share my life with you. I want to watch you cut vegetables and I want to move your laundry to the dryer when you forget it in the wash. I want to drive you to the airport and the doctor and the DMV. I want to show you my favorite movies and tell you the whole plot before they start, and I want you to sit beside me and watch them anyway.  

I want to wash our dishes and I want you to dry them. I want to remind you to take your medications and I want you to put enough water for two cups in the kettle. I want you to love me as much as I love you. I want, I want, I want.  

I want...  

“I want to tell you how I lost my hearing.”  

Leo blinked. That... wasn’t what he expected them to say. “Yeah,” he said, when he realized he should respond instead of just silently rejoicing that he hadn’t fucked up in some horrible, mystery way. “Kind of an odd time to do it, but I’m always down for Nico lore.”  

Nico sat on a chair beside Leo’s, pulling their knees up to their chest and feeling like a total pussy. It wasn’t even a good cover! They still have to be vulnerable!  

“I was six,” they began, “and it was Christmas. Kinda made the whole thing about me. I was a pretty dramatic kid,” Nico slowly moved their legs so they were sitting crisscross in the chair.  

They glanced over at the lake, feeling their chest tighten. “My mom got me these new ice skates, and I was so excited to try them out. I really... I really wanted to be like my sister.” Nico paused for a moment. No matter how many years passed, talking about her would always hurt, wouldn’t it? But even still... they wanted Leo to know about her. They wanted him to know who she was.  

“My sister Bianca was a figure skater. She did competitions and everything. I was never very good, but she was. Really good. She won silver in a national competition once, when she was thirteen. She kept telling me that she was going to win gold next time, but...” they paused for a moment, before waving that thought away. “I’m getting off topic.”  

Leo reached out, resting his hand on their arm. He gave them an encouraging smile, which is all it took for them to want to continue.  

“Right. Mom gave me the skates, because I was a baby that wanted to be just like my big sister. Anyway, all the adults in my family would have this big party Christmas Eve, so it was pretty easy to sneak out down to the lake with everyone distracted like that. I wasn’t a great skater, but I was an even worse swimmer. The ice was too thin to hold me, and I fell through. I don’t really remember much... but I know I caught meningitis when I fell in. The infection spread to the cochlea in both my ears, and then, y’know,” they shrugged. “I got lucky, though. I could’ve drowned. Or died from meningitis, or something. I got off pretty easy. I haven’t been skating since then, though. Feels too much like tempting fate.”  

Nico finally looked back at Leo’s face, surprised that they don’t feel nearly as embarrassed as they felt they should. Letting Leo know them felt... good.  

“Thank you for telling me,” he said, and for the first time Nico noticed he hadn’t moved his hand from their arm. They kept looking him in the eyes, knowing if they looked down at where his skin met theirs, Leo would pull away.  

“Being here just makes me think about it,” Nico said, finally breaking their eyes away from Leo’s, turning their head back to the lake. “I still can’t believe anyone heard me screaming. Sometimes I think I did die back then, and everything since has just been... I don’t know. An afterlife of some kind.”  

“Yeah, I’m probably just some hot angel that got sent to look after you. Y’know, make sure your afterlife is going well,” Leo said.  

Nico chuckled, shaking their head. “Yeah, sure,” they said, and Leo’s smile grew into a grin.  

They think I’m hot. And an angel. Imagine that , he thought.  

“I don’t know. It just never seemed possible they would hear me over the sound of the music,” Nico shrugged, moving their feet back to the floor. “... Thanks for listening.”  

“Like I said, I’m always down for Nico lore,” Leo said.  

Nico turned to look at him, and for a moment, the two of them sat in silence. His face was so close to theirs, all they would have to do is lean forward just a bit and...  

“I should be getting back,” they said. “We’re going to be heading over to the church soon for the funeral. Are you coming?”  

“Yeah, if you’re okay with that,” Leo said.  

Nico nodded, looking his face over for just a moment, before they opened the door and stepped back inside, leaving Leo on their own on the porch.  

He stared at the door as they stepped through, and once they were out of sight, he looked back over the lake. It really was beautiful, but he couldn’t help but think of tiny six-year-old Nico as they sank below the placid blue of the surface.  

Leo turned away from it, pushing the door back open, and went inside.  

The funeral was just as ostentatious as the wake. Leo hadn’t been in a church in a long time, but from what he could remember, the daises and statues weren’t so ornate, nor were they made of mahogany and gold. He supposed everything was different for rich people, huh? Even down to places of worship. Or maybe the di Angelo family brought their own furnishings for the funeral. Honestly, he wouldn’t put it past them.  

Enormous bouquets flanked the coffin, and while Nico got in line to say their goodbyes to their grandfather, Leo parked his chair in the very last row. The front was reserved for family, and behind them friends, acquaintances, and coworkers. He didn’t really feel as though there was a place for random boys from halfway around the world that only knew the deceased’s estranged grandchild.  

Nico was dreading this part most of all. They hated funerals, they hated church, hated all of it. Standing in line, a white lily clutched in their hand, they felt like the ten-year-old child who had to say goodbye to their mother. Walking closer to the dais, they felt like the twelve-year-old child who had to say goodbye to their sister. They wanted to run from the line, as fast and as far as they could, before they could see who laid in the coffin.  

They took one step closer, watching Aunt Francesca rest her lily on the chest of the deceased, leaning down to give the corpse a kiss.  

Logically, they knew it was their grandfather. Mamma had died almost fifteen years ago now, and Bianca thirteen years. They were gone, it was over. It was done.  

But that didn’t stop the panic as it surged through them. It didn’t stop them from dragging their feet as they drew nearer and nearer. Their footsteps turned to shuffles, until their knees locked and they stopped moving entirely. Nico’s eyes widened, feeling the eyes of the entire room on their back.  

“Poor little Niccolo,” people whispered. They couldn’t hear them, but they knew what they were saying.  

“Poor thing. First his mother, and now his sister,” they said, staring at them with their looks of pity.  

“What an awful way to go,” others would whisper. “And so young, too.”  

“No wonder her father opted for a closed-casket funeral...”  

The thoughts swirled in Nico’s head, stealing the breath from their lungs. They couldn’t breathe, they couldn’t breathe, they couldn’t breathe --  

A hand rested on their shoulder, making them jump. They flinched away from the touch, seeing their Uncle Claudio asking if they were alright.  

Nico tried to move their hands to respond, but they knew that if they moved at all now it would be to bolt from the room.  

They looked back towards the coffin, now seeing no one between them and the steps up to it, and they knew they couldn’t do it. They couldn’t do this, they couldn’t see who was lying there.  

Nico held their head in their hands. They couldn’t stop thinking of their sister’s face, of what they saw when everyone had left the room and they were alone with her coffin. How they pulled open the lid, desperate to see her one last time.  

Despite what the gossiping mourners assumed her body would look like, the mortician did an expert job making her look like she always had. She really did just look like she was sleeping. And Nico, small and alone and devastated, climbed into the coffin beside her and shut the lid.  

Everyone was staring at them. Everyone in the entire church, they all had their eyes on them, and it only made everything worse. The priest saw the look on Nico’s face and started making his way over, and they knew he was going to make them walk up to the coffin, and they couldn’t take it.  

Nico ran.  

They pushed past Claudio, forcing their way through the throng of people, letting the lily drop to the floor, flying from the chapel and into the fresh air of the street outside. Nico didn’t stop, not until the church was far behind them. They ducked behind a building, gasping for air, their hands shaking. Nico covered their face, sliding to the ground.  

They couldn’t stop the hot tears from coming, their face turning red as their sobs strangled them. They gasped, trying to fill their lungs with air. Nico pressed their feet into the ground, their hands grabbing fistfuls of their own hair, teeth grinding until they could feel it in their ears.  

Keep running , they thought. Run as far as you can , go somewhere they can’t find you this time . Nico staggered to their feet, knees weak and legs shaking, and they began to run.  

They didn’t get two steps. A hand wrapped around their wrist, making Nico yelp in surprise. They tried to wrench their hand away, their eyes flickering over the face of the person behind them.  

“Please,” was the only thing Leo said. The only thing he could think to try and get them to stay.  

Nico’s shaking legs finally gave way beneath them. They fell to the ground, their wrist still firmly in Leo’s grasp. Sobs wracked through their body as they pressed their forehead to the brick ground of the alleyway. They screamed until their throat was raw, until all that came out was a squeaking whimper.  

Leo’s hand slowly slipped from Nico’s wrist to their hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.  

Slowly, they picked their head up from the ground, turning to look at him, not bothering to wipe the tears and snot from their dirty face. Leo’s hand cupped their cheek so gently, holding Nico’s face. Their tears slipped between their fingers. On their hands and knees they crawled to him, closing the gap between their bodies as they rested their head on his lap. A hand gently brushed Nico’s hair from their face, fingers running through their hair.  

They weren’t sure how long they sat there, crying into Leo’s nice suit pants, nor did they care. No one had touched them so gently in over a decade, and they weren’t sure they would ever be ready to move away.  

But eventually their sobs subsided, and they were left with puffy red eyes and gravel imprinted in their legs. Despite everything in their body screaming to keep their head in Leo’s lap, they picked it up, wiping their nose on their sleeve.  

Leo watched them for a moment, brushing away the strands of hair that stuck to their cheeks. “You sure know how to make an exit.”  

Nico snorted out a wet laugh, their lower lip still trembling. Leo watched them, for once able to successfully ignore how his heart ached.  

“How about we get some ice cream. Or... gelato?” He asked. “Unless you’re itchin’ to get back.”  

Nico shook their head. “No-- No, gelato sounds nice,” they said, finally shrugging off the suit jacket, pulling the tie loose. When the top couple buttons of their shirt were undone, they felt like they could finally breathe again.  

Leo waited for Nico to be ready, when their legs no longer shook like a baby deer’s and they no longer held onto the wall to keep themself balanced, and together the two of them walked back out onto the streets of Venice.  

Chapter Text

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Leo asked, mouth full of strawberry flavored gelato.  

Nico paused for a moment. “Not particularly.”  

Leo watched them, knowing better than to push, despite how concerned he was. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but you can.”  

It was silent for a moment. And even when Nico started to speak, it was silent still. “I think I had a panic attack.”  

Leo laughed, “You think?” He asked, earning a glare from Nico.  

They dug their spoon into their gelato, scraping at the soft top layer. It seemed as though they weren’t really in the mood for talking.   

The sun hung high in the sky, long past midday by now. Leo wondered if the funeral was still going on, if maybe the family was out looking for Nico. He stared at the person across from him, wondering how he had managed to peel back the layers of them, revealing this vulnerable side. Nico was often depressed, but the person before him was straight-up melancholic.  

And by god, did he understand that. From what little Leo knew of Nico’s childhood, it seemed like he didn’t really have anyone around who really understood what he had gone through. That was the most tragic thing of all, Leo thought. It’s like Nico was stuck where Leo was at sixteen, unable to move past it or make peace with what happened.  

He reached out his hand towards Nico’s, resting it atop the hand they’d clenched to a fist. It was only then that Nico realized how tense they still were. Forcing their shoulders down from their ears, they tried to take a deep breath. It stung their nose, bright red screaming in the sinuses, their eyes burning and they can’t breathe, can’t breathe, can’t breathe!  

“Oh god, it’s not all out yet?” Their hands trembled, quickly wiping at their cheeks, embarrassed and ruddy.  

“What’s bothering you, Nico?” Leo asked, handing them a napkin. “You can’t keep bottling this up, it’s not really turning out well.  

Nico stared down at their gelato, and for a moment Leo thought that they would just ignore him.  

“It’s my fault,” their shaking hands were quick to wipe the wetness from their face, though more came rushing forth right behind it. The shame and embarrassment of crying in public welled up within them as they raised a napkin over their mouth, trying to hide the slack-jaw of a sob, their body gently rocking as if to soothe themself, muscles so tense Leo was surprised they were moving at all.  

“How can it be?” Leo’s own gelato was set aside, forgotten in favor of Nico. “Your grandfather died of old age—It was kidney failure, right? You couldn’t have done that.”  

Nico shook their head, waving him away. Leo rested his hands on the table, waiting for Nico to explain.   

They clenched their jaw tight, bringing the napkin back down. Nico’s mouth was pressed into a tight grimace, ready to bubble into another sob at a moment’s notice. For all the hiding they did of their face, Leo wondered if Nico realized how loud they cried.  

“Did I ever tell you,” they asked, napkin clutched between their ring finger and pinkie, ready to hide their face again at a moments notice. “About my family?”  

Leo shook his head. Nothing that Nico had told him, per se, but he was able to infer. At once, he remembered the gallery, the paintings of Nico’s life.   

He remembered the pride in Nico’s eyes, the anxious way they fidgeted with their dress shirt as strangers looked over their work. It had taken them weeks, they had said, to get them just right. He thought of the first one, Maria , the turbulent strokes of the brush swirling around the two figures in the painting. Most of the image was distorted, the background hard to parse. It was more about the two crying children in the foreground, but Leo couldn’t help but remember the smeared church in the back, its white steeple topped by a gilded cross.  

He wasn’t sure who Maria was, but she had been important to Nico, and she had died.  

And the second painting, Bianca. The way they had stained the bottom of the painting ruby, the paint dripping from it down the wall. Before it was able to dry, Nico would splash on another layer. Leo had never understood art very well, being math-minded and deeply uninterested in the fine arts until he’d met Nico, but he had read the placard on the wall beside it.  

When my sister was killed, I remember seeing her body in the road, like an animal. There was more blood on the ground than I thought a person could have inside them—back then it only came out of us in pinpricks and scrapes from playing in the grass. But her blood coated the street in a thick layer of red.   

Coming home from the hospital without her, I saw no one had cleaned the blood. Good, I thought. I hope it stayed there forever, the last bit of her body I could see, feel.   

It rained the next day. I watched her blood dilute and flow down the drain. It never felt right to me that people can pass through the spot where she died and not know something happened there.   

I couldn’t save her then, but I can preserve her now. Bianca, your blood will never dry. No one will forget that you were here.  

At Leo’s silence, Nico continued.  

“It was my fault. My mom and my sister, they both...” they paused for a moment, having to force their hands to continue. “They both died. She’d gotten ill when she was pregnant with me, was told that the only way to save her life was to terminate. She refused; she got sicker. Managed to hang on a long time after I was born, but... We all knew she wouldn’t be around for long. When I was six, she finally passed.” Nico bit the inside of their cheek, looking away from Leo, their glassy eyes staring at something far off.  

“Bianca told me it wasn’t my fault. And you could argue it wasn’t, but... We all knew if she’d just had the abortion, she would have lived. ... But with Bianca, everyone knew it was my fault.”  

They sank lower in their chair, a loud wet sniff and a swipe under the eye. “My ball rolled into the road. I begged her to get it for me—I wasn’t allowed past the edge of the lawn without an adult, but Bianca was older. My father would occasionally trust her to cross the road alone, she could step briefly into it to get the mail. She’d even looked both ways, no one was coming. But the car came so fast, and...” their hands fell back to the table, their chest stuttering with breath.  

“Both of their funerals were at that church,” they said after a while, forcing composure. Nico grabbed their spoon, poking it into the gelato.   

Leo, misty-eyed, grabbed hold of Nico’s free hand. His hand resting over his heart for a moment, though he refused to tell Nico he was sorry. Nico’s wide eyes stared out at him, surprised by the sight of their friend looking so devastated on their behalf. Leo’s chest ached, and for once in a way that wasn’t concerning.   

“There’s nothing in the world I can say that would make this better,” Leo began, though he was reluctant to let go of Nico’s hand. “Because it doesn’t get better. Some days it’s easier, but days like this...” Leo paused for a second. “Can you tell me something about them? Something you remember, a good memory.”  

Nico was used to pity. Used to I’m sorry ’s and words meant to comfort. No one ever cared to know about their lives, just the gorey details of their deaths. It was rare that Nico spoke of them at all anymore, for fear of someone digging for a good sob story.  

“I don’t have a lot of memories of my mom, but I do have a lot of Bianca” Nico said, a warmth spreading through their chest. There wasn’t a soul out there that knew their mom—at least, not one the lived close to Nico. But Leo... there was something about him that Nico knew understood. He had never met Bianca, but he would know her. He wanted to know her.  

“She was a figure skater,” Nico began. “Our father took her one day—she was four years old, and she came home talking all about it. It was all she wanted to do, every single day. She’d pretend to be sick so she could stay home and skate on the pond in the winter. Everyone was convinced she would go to the Olympics one day.” Their heaving breaths evened out, though their blotchy face was still tacky with tears. “She tried to bring me with her when I was really young. She wanted us to be doubles partners, but I really wasn’t very good, not like she was. And—you know. I refused to get on the ice after the accident.”  

“She did do things I liked, too, though. There was one day we’d found a huge box by the recycling bin. She dragged it inside and we painted it together. It was the shittiest looking pirate ship imaginable, it hardly looked anything like one, but I loved it. She let me be the captain every time.”  

For the first time in what may have been days, a small smile found its way onto Nico’s face. “We roped our parents into it, too. Mom was the damsel in distress, laying on the couch with an ice pack on her head. We saved her from our father, beat him with our little plastic swords, made him walk the plank... He was a good sport about it back then.” Nico brought their spoon up to their mouth, running their teeth over the plastic ridge around the edges. There was nothing in this world they wouldn’t give to live in that moment again.  

Well, almost nothing.  

Leo smiled at them from across the table, though he wouldn’t say a word. If Nico would tell him more stories, he would sit there in silence all day.  

“We had a dog,” they began again. “Mrs. O’Leary. I remember her being eight feet tall and about a thousand pounds, but I think that’s just because I was so small. She was more Bianca’s dog than she was mine. ... Bianca taught me how to ride a bike. Our father was starting to drink more and more after our mom died, and she used to try and get me out of the house as much as possible. There was this huge hill at the end of the street that she used to ride down, and Mrs. O’Leary would chase after her the whole way. I could barely reach the pedals on her old bike, but she was patient. When I finally got the hang of it, we stood at the edge of the big hill. It was the scariest thing I’d ever done, but I remember thinking that nothing would happen to me, because my big sister was there.”  

The afternoon was waning, their gelatos long since finished, the cups sitting at the little table, the dregs of sweet, melted liquid sticking to the bottom in red and orange ravines. Nico wasn’t sure how it had happened, but they’d talked for nearly an hour. The sun hung close to the mountainside now, casting the street in a golden orange.  

“Maybe we should go back,” Nico said, scratching their spoon against the bottom of the cup before tossing them both in a nearby trash can.   

Leo stood, doing the same before taking out his phone to find their way back.   

“Leo?” Nico waved him down. “Thank you. For finding me,” they said, shifting from one leg to the other. “And for listening.”  

“You don’t have to thank me,” Leo said. “I could listen to you all day.”  

The service had long since ended by the time they returned, which was a relief. People were milling about, talking nervously amongst themselves, when they saw the two of them walking back.  

“Nico!” Someone shouted, startling Leo and not at all getting Nico’s attention. Francesca ran to them, stopping Nico to examine their face. Finally satisfied, seeing no obvious injuries, she pulled them into a tight hug.  

“Carlos and Matteo have been searching for you,” she told them when she finally pulled back.   

“I’m sorry,” was all Nico could think to say.  

“Oh, sweetheart, don’t be,” she said, waving away the thought. “If there’s anything this family is used to, it’s drama and hysterics. I’m surprised you were the only one. Gives it a bit of drama, your grandfather would have loved that.”  

It was meant to soothe Nico, but they doubted anyone else would have fled the building quite like that. Aunties and uncles came to check on them, though with Nico back the family had started preparing for the procession to the cemetery.  

“You don’t have to of course, but if you’d like to say goodbye, the pallbearers haven’t carried his casket out yet,” Francesca said.  

A few days ago, Nico had barely any inkling that this man existed. And yet, saying goodbye...  

They nodded, and Francesca left to tell the family to wait a moment so Nico could see their grandfather.  

Nico looked up, watching the late afternoon sun play off the gilded cross atop the steeple. “Would you come with me?” They asked, finally prying their eyes away to look at Leo.  

As if they had to ask. Leo followed behind them, through the tall oak doors and down the velvet carpet, up to the dais on which their grandfather’s casket lay.  

The room was quiet in its emptiness, much cooler too without all of the bodies. Most people had left long ago, it was only the family who would make the trip out to bury him, and even they had all cleared out.   

Their grandfather had been nothing but an apparition to them, a being that existed in theory, a memory of a memory in their mind. A laugh across the room at a holiday party, a low note in a happy birthday song. His face was slimmer than in the photos of him Nico had seen. Gaunt, in a way. They doubted he’d want to be remembered like this, but it would be the face Nico saw when they thought of their grandfather in the future.  

His wrinkled hands lay over his stomach, liver-spotted and large, clutching a bouquet of flowers. Nico reached in, laying their hand over his.   

“Tell Mamma I said hello,” they signed. “And Bianca, too.”  

They leaned forward into the coffin, pressing their cheek to their grandfather’s, feeling the cold skin against his own. And when they came back up, Nico turned to Leo. They weren’t sure what gave them this confidence, but as they started towards the door, they took his hand.  

It was dark by the time they returned home, babies asleep in parents’ arms, women holding their heels in their hands as they crossed the long cobblestone path back to the villa.   

Leo leaned against Nico, his joints screaming in protest. Apparently, running all over Venice in search of his runaway friend was a sure-fire way to cause a flare-up. The stairs were hell, every step burning him from the inside, his knees and ankles felt at once like they were compressing flat and ripping apart.  Leo shuffled his feet down the hall, his arm slung around Nico’s shoulders as they made their way laboriously through the house.  

He trudged himself up to the bed, body stiff and barely able to move by the time he collapsed onto the mattress. Nico ended up having to lift his legs up onto the bed.  

“Will you be able to fly tomorrow morning?” Nico asked, watching Leo sink into the pillows. He gave them a thumbs up, though his face looked grim. At least he’d be able to sleep once he was on the plane. Hopefully.  

Leo pointed at his suitcase, making the sign for “Medicine?” They nodded, quickly rummaging around Leo’s disorganized suitcase, pulling out pill bottle after pill bottle, setting them on the bed beside Leo. He opened his bleary eyes, checking the labels. Some of them he flicked back onto the floor, others he opened and clawed out a pill. Before Leo could ask, Nico (oh, the saint they were!) was refilling the cup of water from his nightstand.  

With Nico out of the room, Leo kicked off his shoes, struggling out of his rental suit and into pajamas. It took more energy than he had left, and by the time Nico returned with the water, Leo was barely able to keep his eyes open.  

They stood awkwardly at his bedside, trying to hand Leo the water. His hand passed over it, as if he were trying to grab at it, though he was never able to actually wrap his hand around the glass to hold it himself.  

Nico sighed, shooing his hand away. Before Leo could protest, they held the glass to his lips, a hand supporting the back of his head. A slow trickle of water filled his mouth, washing the pills down his throat. Slowly, Nico pulled the cup away, though their hand remained supporting Leo’s head. They stared down at him, watching his eyes flutter shut, the exhaustion finally giving way to sleep.  

Nico set the cup down on the nightstand, staring down at his sleeping face. He looked so peaceful, the crease in his eyebrow disappearing as sleep overtook him. They wondered, was he in all this pain when he was asleep? Nico watched his face soften, slowly lowering his head back down to the pillow. He helped them so much today, the least they could do was set him to sleep.  

Quiet footsteps retreated towards the hallway, and the door closed quietly behind.   

The next morning saw Leo sore and miserable, though he’d managed to pull himself out of bed, which was a miracle in and of itself.  

Francesca had offered to drive them to the airport, having fixed a small something for the three of them for breakfast. A pot of coffee, some biscuits, and jam. It was glorious, to say the least, to have a hot drink on their way out the door. Caffeine may have been a bad idea for Leo’s heart, but in terms of keeping him awake for the boarding process, it was a big help. He poured himself a second cup.  

With the car packed, Nico said goodbye to those family members who’d managed to rise in time to bid them farewell. Another parade of hugs and kisses, of people saying things to them that they could not hear, before being reminded and stumbling through a poor, half-remembered translation of what they meant. Nico caught the gist: don’t be a stranger.  

Leo sank into the seat of the car, hoping to catch a bit more sleep on the way to the airport, though his efforts were not very fruitful. Every time the car hit a bump, he would be jolted from the place between sleep and wakefulness where he dwelled most of the ride.  

Getting through customs was a blur, Leo hardly remembered any of it. It seemed one moment they were waving goodbye as Francesca pulled away, the next they were sitting on the plane. Not that he was complaining, the dread of having to wait for their flight made his brain throb all morning.   

He sunk back against his seat, glancing over at Nico. He tried to read over their shoulder, though the letters swam on the page. He wondered if it was his dyslexia’s doing, or if his headache had become so bad it was making his vision wrong.  

As the plane rumbled down the path, Leo leaned his head back against the headrest. Not for the first time, Leo was relieved Nico’s rich father had sprung for direct flights to and from Venice. More than half a day to be spent sitting was alright by him, though by the time they finally landed, Leo found he was even more tired than when they took off.  

Hazel was there to meet them when they returned, wrapping Nico in a hug so tight Leo was certain they would pop.  

If nothing else, this trip had given Leo a deep appreciation for his own bed. If distance made the heart grow fonder, he was now enamored with the thing, collapsing into it and almost immediately falling asleep.  

Leo felt he may have been the smartest man alive for having requested up through the next day off from work. He wasn’t sure he could bring himself to sell teddy bears today, or really do much of anything besides feel miserable. He slept for perhaps the longest he ever had in one sitting, and by the time the following evening when he actually dragged himself from bed, he was feeling just a bit less shitty.  

The night before, as Nico dragged him into bed one more time, they had plugged in his phone and left him with a glass of water, which was a kindness that Leo hadn’t expected. He wasn’t sure when it would finally set in that Nico seemed to care for him. The concept was just too foreign to him.   

He grabbed his phone off the charger, checking the new unread messages as he made his way to grab something microwaveable from the freezer.  

It shouldn’t have surprised him that the missed messages were from Nico.   

thank you again for coming with me, i know that was really intense. I don’t think i could have made it through alone  

without you, i mean.  

Sorry i was insane, im totally normal again  

Leo snickered, sticking a hot pocket in the microwave. He leaned on the counter to respond.  

you were normal before???  

He chose not to respond to the first bit. How could he, without getting heart palpitations? Nico couldn’t have made it through without him —it was such a normal thing to say, and yet it threw Leo’s mind into a tailspin. At this point, he wondered if they said these little things just to take up space in his mind.  

Nico responded later with the middle finger emoji. Leo sent back a pink heart and, in a moment of courage, asked Nico if they would come over some time this week for takeout and a movie.  

The typing bubble appeared and disappeared twice, each time making Leo feel like he was going to puke.  

you're not sick of me yet?  

Never, Leo thought. His fingers hovered over the keys, trying to think of something less gay to say, when he thought. Well. Why not?  

I'd never be sick of you  

The response was faster than he’d hoped, barely giving him time to scream over how brave he’d been.  

then sure. are you free wednesday?  

Perhaps victory isn’t sweet. Perhaps victory was cheesy and freezer-burnt. Leo took a bite of his hot pocket, sending back:  

yeah! come over at 7?  

Chapter Text

Each evening since they’d returned to the States had seen Nico and Leo messaging back and forth. It went on so late, most nights each of them fell asleep with their phones in their hands. Somehow, they always had more to say. 

how much blood do you think you could drink before you threw up? 

if you had a fursona, what animal would it be? 

how many ducks could you defeat in one-on-one, hand-to-hand combat? 

Any foolish thing that came to mind could be shared between them, without fear of judgement. Leo couldn’t remember the last time he could be his true, authentic self with someone. Maybe he had never been.  

But talking with Nico felt different. He had friends he could rely on, people he could talk to about his problems, but it was different talking to someone who could do more than just sympathize.  

Nico had never made him feel shame for his messy apartment. With them, he never felt the need to quietly kick scraps of metal under the couch, or pile half-finished projects in the closet, threatening to topple over and fall through the door that never quite latched properly. For once, it felt like every part of Leo was accepted. His eccentricities were facets of him to be celebrated, not shamed away.  

More than anything, Nico made him feel like he wasn’t a burden.  

Nico knew him. They understood him. It was almost enough to make Leo believe he could be loved. 

It took him longer than it should have to realize he was gaining a sense of self-worth. Piper had to tell him. 

“You seem happier. I haven’t heard you joke about wanting to kill yourself in, like, a month.” 

Leo was a bit startled to realize she was right. It hadn’t been very long since Nico came into his life, and yet in that short span of time, everything seemed brighter. It was a cliche he’d never honestly admit, but Nico made life worth living. Like this morning, when their work schedules had just so happened to line up on their first day back after their trip. 

They’d taken to grabbing breakfast in the food court when their schedules matched up, which just so happened to be more often, as soon as Leo found out that Nico taught classes in the afternoon, and just so happened to (totally coincidentally) tell his boss he’d like to start taking more morning shifts.  

There weren’t a ton of options in the mall for breakfast, namely just Dunkin Donuts and Cinnabon, which they cycled between. This morning happened to be a Dunkin morning, and as they sipped burnt coffee and chowed down on sub-par breakfast sandwiches, they sat in the middle of a near-empty food court. Hardly anyone is in the mall at eight in the morning, and those who were rarely visited the food court, but even still there were a couple of elderly folks sitting around, quietly enjoying a coffee, somehow already having shopped, as made evident by the bags by their feet. At least the Build-a-Bear didn’t open until nine, and the usual crowd didn’t come until after school. 

Nico tapped on the table to get Leo’s attention, something he’d become attuned to. He was never the best at ‘paying attention’, but when it was Nico, he could drag himself quicker from his thoughts than he’d ever thought possible. If only his high school teachers could see him now. Apparently, emo boys were the only Adderall he needed. 

“The semester’s almost over. I feel like my brain is going numb from all the projects I have to grade,” Nico said. “Do you get a break?” 

“Ahh, asking about the mistress, are we?” While Build-a-Bear was the old ball-and-chain, trade school was Leo’s lover. “We won’t be seeing each other for a while... I need to spend more time with my wife and kids. Roughly from December 20th to January 7th. That’s about all I can take before I return to the loving arms of the machines.” 

“Really normal way to say it.” Nico popped a little hash brown disc in their mouth, adding, “What will you do, without a lover to keep you company over the holidays?” 

“Yeah, what ever will I do?” Leo asked, feeling his brain go into mechanical failure. Nico had to know what they were doing, didn’t they? 

“... You’ll just have to settle with visiting me, I suppose,” Nico added, trying to play it cool. Though as far as Leo knew, this was totally innocuous and normal. 

“I’m sure the wife won’t mind.” 

Their time in the food court ran out faster than either would have liked. Nico was still nursing their unfortunate cup of coffee, but quickly trashed it on their way out. No use in dragging it around with them, best to just put it out of its misery. Despite working on it for half an hour, Leo could hear the loud thud the nearly-full cup made when it hit the bottom of the bin. 

It was times like these Leo was glad his body didn’t work well. Walking slowly carved out an extra couple minutes of Nico Time that morning, strolling through the mall as it came to life. It was getting to be time for the holidays, Leo’s absolute least favorite time of year. But walking with Nico through hallways lined with twinkling lights and faux-pine needles? He was starting to get why people liked it. Just a bit. 

“You’re Catholic, aren’t you?” Leo asked, earning a quirked eyebrow from Nico. “You a big Christmas-head?” He fingerspelled it, just to be sure he got his wording exact. 

Nico huffed, shaking their head. “I don’t see what’s so great about it. More stress than it’s worth in my opinion. When half your family is dead, you tend to not enjoy the holidays. ... And besides, Christmas Eve is the day I almost died. Not the best memories attached to that one.” 

Oh yeah. Oops. 

At least he didn’t have to pretend for Nico’s sake. “Dude, right? It’s the pits,” he sighed, shaking his head for emphasis. 

“... What?” Nico asked. 

“Christmas is the pits?” Leo signed once again.  

“What do you think you’re saying right now?” 

They had stopped walking at this point. Leo turned his body fully towards Nico. “The P-I-T-S. It’s old-timey slang.” 

“So the sign you’re using means H-O-L-E. It’s not an expression that translates well.” 

“I’m playing loosey-goosey with ASL. I can’t be contained,” Leo grinned. “This is fast and loose, not-your-daddy's ASL. This is homegrown weirdcore ASL.” He had to spell out about half of those words, but at least he wasn’t throwing hole around willy-nilly. 

Nico sighed, though much to Leo’s relief they looked amused rather than annoyed. “You’re an innovator.”  

“Darn tootin.” 

Nico snorted, continuing the rest of the walk to work. It wasn’t long before they reached their two houses, both alike in dignity, the Build-a-Bearagues and the Clairpulets. 

“Why did you ask about Christmas, anyway?” Nico asked, not quite ready yet to leave him. 

“Just curious, I guess.” A lie. 

“I see,” Nico watched him for a moment longer, their eyes searching for something in his. “... You won’t be busy that day, will you, Leo? Considering you’re an orphan?” Harsh, but true. “Hazel and I have a little tradition. It’d be nice if you could join us.” 

Leo’s cheeks heated up. He couldn’t help it, how was he supposed to hide how he felt when Nico invited him to spend Christmas with them and their sister? To intrude on their tradition? 

He chuckled and glanced aside, before he finally looked Nico in the eyes. They wouldn’t make the offer if it wasn’t genuine, that he truly believed.  

“Yeah, I mean, if you can handle all this on one of the most holy days of the year.” 

“I’m sure I can contain myself for one day.” 

Okay. So. That was probably normal and platonic, wasn’t it? Leo was on his usual bullshit, meaning he was thinking about Nico, meaning he was going to go an entire day imagining this... intrusion of his on Nico’s holiday traditions with their sister. Pretending it would be good, that they would watch the snow fall while holding each other and muttering about how much they loved each other. 

But that was completely absurd. Nico can’t mutter. And they certainly didn’t want to cuddle with Leo. Not that he could blame them for that in the slightest. Leo wouldn’t want to cuddle with Leo either.  

At least he had something to distract himself. There was nothing like cleaning up a puddle of puke to take your mind off things. And in the death throes of the winter holidays, there was always more to do. 

But still, every so often his eyes would wander over to the door, staring straight through and into the Claire’s across the hall. Nico didn’t often work register, so they were usually out of sight, but Leo still held out hope that he’d catch some small sign of them. 

He did not. 

The day dragged, and by the time he was released, Nico had already gone. Not that Leo had their schedule memorized or anything. 

As soon as he was out of his stupid blue smock, Leo checked his phone, grinning like a goofus when he saw he had a text from Nico.  

she won’t leave me alone 

Above their text was a fluffy black cat, her big green eyes staring up at the camera, mouth half-way through a meow. She was laying atop a pile of student’s works. 

absolutely crawling with bitches 

who is this little angel? 

Leo was about to put his phone back in his pocket when another text came in. 

she's hazel’s evil cat. 

eating my erasers?? 

Leo imagined that enormous cat crawling all over Nico while they tried to work, trying so hard not to be jealous.  

yummy erasers mmm good treat for kitties 

Nico was quick to respond with, she doesn’t need more treats. look at her enormous body. And in came another picture of the cat, though this time she was sitting on Nico, taking up their entire lap. Leo was quick to save the picture onto his phone, zooming in on Nico’s nonplussed face. As much as they pretended not to like the cat, they were scratching behind her ears. The kitty looked rather content to stay with them, as well. 

what a cutie, Leo replied, shoving his phone into his pocket to get himself to stop staring at that pretty boy’s face. 

The mall was closed on Christmas, but Christmas Eve was a nightmare. 

Leo wondered what he had done to warrant working retail on the worst day of the year. Why the fuck were there so many people making Build-a-Bear's on Christmas Eve? It didn’t seem like the thing to do without the kid and then hand to them as a gift, but he supposed when there weren’t many options left in the toy stores, people had to get creative. 

He’d been, blessedly, on register instead of on the floor stuffing bears. He wasn’t sure his body would have been able to survive it if he had to run around and help all these fuckers. 

Exhaustion took him quickly that night, which is good, because he had been worried he’d be too excited to sleep, knowing he’d get to spend tomorrow with Nico. 

Leo fell asleep envisioning what tomorrow would bring. It was the first time since he was eight years old that he found he wasn’t dreading the holiday.  

He was meant to show up to Nico’s apartment at three, which is good, because he slept until noon. 

As much as Nico had insisted that Leo should just “come as he was”, Leo felt the need to at least brush his teeth and shower. 

Nico hadn’t entirely explained what they would be doing, only that it was decidedly not Christmas, which put his mind at ease. Nico had told him not to bring anything, that it was a very low-key event, but were they going to turn down food if Leo brought some? Not that he felt like he needed to win over Nico’s sister with his cooking, but... Well, yes he did. 

Nico hadn’t really told him what they’d be doing, but was anyone anywhere ever going to say no to a big pot of homemade mac and cheese? 

The serving dish was hot, still, though Leo didn’t mind. He hugged it close in the cold walk from the bus stop to Nico’s apartment, though balancing it in his arms on the creaking stairs was a bit of trouble. Both he and the food made it, though, and both stood before the door to the Levesque-di Angelo domain. 

He took a deep breath. No need to be nervous, just meeting the sister of the person he totally wasn’t in love with, and if they don’t get along there’s no way Nico would ever run away with him, or whatever other end goal Leo had in his twisted mind. 

It’ll be fine, won’t it? All he had to do was knock on the door. 

Okay. Well. He isn’t moving, just staring at what looked to be a hand-made wreath on the door someone had woven together from (what he could only assume was) scavenged tree bits. Snippings from a conifer tree, twigs, acorns and pine cones... it was lovely. Did Nico make it, or were both siblings blessed with artistic talent? 

Enough stalling. Leo balanced the dish he’d brought in one hand, pressing it against the doorframe just to be sure his bumbling ass didn’t drop hot cheese sauce all over the unwelcome mat that so eloquently told visitors to “Get Lost”. He doubted the skeletal middle fingers would look any better with a macaroni art bracelet, and he wasn’t willing to test it out. 

Finally, after great ado, Leo knocked on the door. Then, realizing that he was fucking stupid trying to knock to get his deaf friend’s attention, he rang the bell. ... And then realized that was stupid as well. Before he could pull out his phone, though, the door swung open.  

The person who greeted him was not Nico, and he definitely didn’t think it was Hazel. Unless Nico really dropped the ball with describing her. But they were deaf, not blind, so he figured this person was a stranger. The behemoth towered over Leo, and if the small, scrawny man had to wager a guess, he probably weighed as much as three Leo’s. Most of it seemed to be muscle. He had a wrestler’s build, stocky and strong.  

He checked the number on the door. It was apartment 13B, wasn't it? Maybe Nico lived in 13A, or 13C, or a different building entirely.  

Before Leo could apologize, though, the intimidating man smiled. “You must be Nico’s friend. It’s good to meet you, I’m Frank,” he said, waving for Leo to follow him in.  

Relief flooded his body, the Stranger Danger alarm disarming in his mind. This was a friend, not a foe, and thank god for that. Perhaps there were Christmas miracles after all. 

“Nico and Hazel are in the kitchen, we’re gonna get started soon,” Frank said over his shoulder, poking his head into the kitchen to let everyone know Leo had arrived. 

Which left Leo standing in the entryway, struggling to kick off his boots without toppling over.  

He’d been in Nico’s apartment before, though it wasn't very often. Mostly just to help them pack, or the few times they and Leo had watched movies while Hazel was elsewhere. But this was the first time that Leo actually looked around. Boots successfully by the door, he strolled through the apartment, eyes sweeping over photographs on the walls, paintings he could only assume were done by Nico, and framed prints of various horror movie icons. 

“It’s so nice to finally meet you!” A woman’s voice called, startling Leo away from a photo of Nico. He tried to play it cool, but he was certain she had seen the smile on his face. “I’m Hazel, Nico’s told me a lot about you.” She held out her hand, to which Leo once more struggled to shift the mac and cheese vessel to one arm, shaking her hand in return. 

She was gorgeous, was the first thing Leo noticed. Her skin was dark brown, and her complexion so even-toned Leo felt the urge to ask for her skincare routine. She had natural hair pulled up into space buns, each with a large scrunchy around the base, both the same deep purple. She didn’t look anything like Nico, except in the eyes. Both siblings had dark, abyssal irises, like inky black holes had opened up in their face. Those eyes had their own gravitational pull, and Leo felt that if he allowed himself to be pulled in, he’d fall headfirst forever, down into the void. 

But then Hazel spoke, and her voice rang clear and gentle into the quiet room, and Leo pulled himself back from his thoughts. 

“Don’t believe a word of it, I’m actually a great guy,” Leo grinned, jumping at the chance to foist the unwieldy dish upon someone else. “I brought mac and cheese.” 

Hazel grinned, grabbing the dish from him. He tried not to look embarrassed by how easy it was for her to hold it in the palm of her hand to look under the lid. “Wow, this smells awesome! Thanks, you didn’t have to bring anything but it’s totally appreciated.” 

Leo smiled, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans and giving a shrug. “I like to cook, I don’t mind.” 

“Lemme go put this down. I’m sure Nico will be happy you’re here,” she said, turning on the ball of her foot and retreating back to the kitchen. 

Only now that the dish was gone, Leo realized how comforting it was to have it in his arms. It had been his companion on the crowded bus, on the sidewalk as he hobbled to Nico’s apartment, even on the grueling journey up the stairs. Losing the mac and cheese dish was like losing a part of himself. Who was he, if not its bearer? 

And then Nico walked into the room, and all else was forgotten. 

“Thanks for coming,” Nico said, their freshly painted nails catching Leo’s attention as they signed. The coat was a shiny black, which was nothing new, but it looked nice all the same. 

An easy smile found its way to Leo’s face. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world. Now, what are we doing?”  

A devious smile. How was Nico so good at giving a Kubrick stare? And why did Leo think it was hot? 

“We’re doing a one-shot.” 

“... What the hell is a one-shot?” Leo asked, raising an eyebrow. “Is it a drinking contest? ‘Cause I’m a lightweight. Look at me, a strong breeze could knock me down.” 

Nico giggled, their hand gently grabbing Leo’s arm for a moment under the guise of leading him to the living room. “No,” they finally answered, “A DnD one-shot.” 

Leo nodded, looking at the table where they had set up a great deal of nerd paraphernalia. There were character sheets, miniature figures, a stack of thick books, one of those secretive Dungeon Master partitions... It looked like a geek’s wet dream. 

“Oh, cool. I’ve never played before, is that okay?” Leo asked. 

“That shocks me to my core.” 

“I’m the wrong kind of dweeb, I guess.” 

“Don’t worry, I can teach your dweeb ass.” Nico handed him a character sheet and pencil, opening up one of the thick, heavy books. “Now, what class do you want to be?” 

Nico had sat so close beside Leo their arms touched. When they reached over him to grab a die, Leo felt like he was about to pass away. He tried his hardest to just enjoy the time he spent this close to Nico, but it made it so hard to concentrate on the game. Poor Nico had to explain everything several times, and even then Leo wasn’t entirely sure he got it. 

But after nearly an hour with his nose stuck in the Player’s Handbook and Nico’s knee resting on his, Leo came out of it as a Flamekin Artificer, two things that he still only barely understood. Ever since he was a little boy, he had wanted to be a firebender (with the appropriate amount of time there in the middle spent vehemently rejecting that idea following his mother’s death by fire), and being a flame creature sounded like the natural evolution. 

Nico seemed pleased, their eyes scanning over Leo’s paper. Hazel and Frank had returned in the interim, each engrossed in their own character creation process, focus only breaking for quick moments to have a sip of mulled wine Frank had, apparently, made himself.  

With characters created, the only thing left to do was start the game. Nico had to move back to their secretive DM zone, which left Leo’s side feeling cold.  

“Greetings, adventurers,” they began. “You’ve come to the evil warlock Prothiaden’s cave in search of the treasure he stole from the Rosefan empire. Should you succeed, you will be bathed in riches and glory. But if you fail, you will perish!” 

Dungeons and Dragons was a lot more fun than Leo had given it credit for. Especially with Nico at the helm. They had just managed to traverse the first layer of the warlock’s cave, defeating a couple of goblins and solving a puzzle (which took them far longer than it should have, considering Nico told them they’d just found it on a list of easy puzzles for kids).  

With their quest halfway through, all of the adventurers were getting pretty peckish. Apparently, Prothiaden could wait while they heated up the mac and cheese and made hot chocolate. Nico threw a bag of popcorn into the microwave, and they and Frank disappeared back into the living room, leaving Hazel and Leo behind. 

Leo was about to follow, when he heard Hazel speak up behind him. 

“So, Leo...” She began, dumping a package of Swiss Miss into her mug. “I feel like I don’t know that much about you, despite everything Nico’s told me.” 

Leo wasn’t sure how to respond to that, but luckily he didn’t have to.  

“I doubt they’d ask you this, but we’ve both been curious. What does your soulmate marking say?” She asked, apparently one to get to the heart of the matter instead of beating around the bush. 

“Oh, I... I don’t have a soulmate marking,” Leo said. “I’ve kinda come to terms with it. I’m just not meant to be-” Loved? “In a relationship.” 

Hazel considered that for a moment. “Or maybe you just don’t have one because your soulmate doesn’t speak.” Hazel suggested, her eyes cast across the room at her older sibling, watching as they swiped a handful of popcorn.  

Leo followed her gaze, his cheeks flushing. “Are you- I mean, I guess, but I don’t think...” 

“Y’know, it’s funny. A couple months ago I was sure Nico had met their soulmate. They talk about him all the time! I just wish the two of them would get it together and finally talk about their feelings.” 

“They never told me about any guy they met,” Leo muttered, looking down into his cup of hot chocolate. 

“... Are you stupid?” Hazel asked, picking up her mug and her bowl of mac and cheese. “Or are you being dense on purpose?” 

And with that, Leo was left alone in the kitchen, staring at the one person in the world he could honestly say he loved.  

Oh, Leo realized after a moment. Nico’s eyes glanced up from the table towards Leo in the kitchen, waving him over. She was talking about him. 

The game went until eight in the evening, and even with that talk with Hazel consuming his thoughts, Leo could honestly say he had a great time. DnD was fun, and when Nico suggested they start doing it more often now that they had ‘enough people for a real game’, Leo was quick to agree. 

Hazel yawned loudly, stretching her arms up towards the ceiling. “Well, that was fun,” she said, standing up and pulling Frank up with her. “But I’m super tired. Merry DnD One-Off Day,” she said, waving at her sibling and their ‘friend’, the two of them scampering off to her room. 

Nico raised an eyebrow. “They could have at least helped us clean up.” 

Leo chuckled, but honestly, he was glad to be alone. Hazel and Frank were great, but he felt he had to talk to Nico. It had been far too long, nearly six months now. This talk was bound to happen sooner or later, and from what Hazel had said (or moreso, what she implied) it should probably happen sooner. 

Like ripping the bandaid off, right? At least if Nico didn’t feel the same, he could stop thinking about them. He could go back home and resume his shitty, mediocre life, the one he had before Nico. Before the idea that they could build a life together had wormed its way into his head, before he learned his heart could pound in a good way, before he had any hope of being loved. 

Yeah. It’s better to know. 

He looked up at Nico, taking down the partition, returning dice to their little baggie. He waved to get their attention. 

“Hey, can we talk?”