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The topic of teaching comes up while training their twenty second baby lizard, Elena notices Peter’s patience, his grace when explaining to a creature -that most likely does not understand him- that he needs it to jump -not very likely for a lizard- through one of Elena’s small wooden embroidery hoops that’s held slightly above it. Despite the impossibility of the task Peter has been here for a solid hour, encouraging the progress that has yet to happen.
“You would make a good teacher darling, I’m sure children would love you”
Elena notices Peter tense, of course they do, he notices everything about Peter. It’s a small thing, there’s a scar on Peter’s back that crawls over his shoulder and up the side of his neck. It’s from Exandroth, Elena asked about it one night, and as much as they hate its existence it shifts slightly whenever Peter’s tense or stressed or nervous, it’s a small tell but it’s there, and Elena notices.
“Peter? Are you alright?”
Peter turns, a smile that looks more like a grimace on his face
“I used to be a teacher, a- a substitute at the local school back home, nothing important just a job I was qualified for I guess”
The most puzzling thing about their relationship is that no matter how much they talk, and how often they think they know everything about each other, there’s always something new. Elena wasn’t surprised, Peter could do anything he set his mind to, they had no doubts in his abilities, but they were slightly taken aback that they’d never heard about this.
“Is that so?” Their voice is soft, comforting, because despite how adorable the idea of Peter in a classroom is, there’s a reason he tensed up, something more. “What did you teach?”
“Art, I laid out a curriculum all by myself, bought a bunch of extra supplies for the kids…” He trails off, voice also soft, careful.
“That’s wonderful Peter”
“Children don’t like me”
It’s sudden, like it forced itself out of him, and as soon as he says it he winces.
“I mean- they- they didn’t like me there, I wasn’t what they needed, the other teachers didn’t like me much, I was too much of a pushover I think, they said the kids hated that, I wasn’t enough for them”
“Peter-”
“-it’s alright though, it was a while ago, I enjoyed my time there before they fired me”
“They fired you?”
“Well yeah, I wasn’t good enough.”
“Peter, you are plenty good enough, and I still believe you would be a fantastic teacher, I’m sure the kids loved you”
“They laughed at me, as kids do, I made mistakes, I’m clumsy…you know that, but behind my back they would talk, not even that quietly, about me”
“Darling” Elena wasn’t sure what more to say, as charming as they may be, whenever it came to comforting Peter they always felt lacking these days.
“There was one kid though, she was younger than the others, an incredible painter, always sat up front and stayed a bit after class to talk about techniques”
“She seems nice”
“I don’t know what happened to her after I left, I hope she still paints”
There is sorrow in his eyes, in his voice, in the wrinkles on his forehead, Elena feels doubt creep in as tears well in Peter’s eyes.
In the end Elena wraps him in a hug and kisses his head and they don’t talk about it more than that, they just hold each other, and Peter cries, and afterwards, eventually, by what seems like a miracle, a baby lizard jumps through a wooden hoop.
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Elena is very in love with Peter Sqloint, so in love in fact that it often feels like their heart is a blood filled sponge, that they squeeze until it stains their hands, and there are dark puddles at their feet. It hurts to love Peter like this, not because it’s unrequited, not because she’s just an onlooker but because love has only hurt, love will only ever hurt, and Peter is an angel but angels can still hurt.
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It comes up again when they’re in the town at the bottom of the hill, it’s a small farm town, hit hard by the effects of eternal darkness. When Peter and Elena moved to the top of the hill the townspeople were wary, they were local legends sure, heroes maybe, but the destruction they caused was visceral and brutal. At this point however the townspeople loved them, they were just the lovely couple that lived at the top of the hill.
It’s a warmer autumn day, the town was covered in marigolds and the mentioned lovely couple were walking down the main road, hand in hand, at peace. A shout breaks the serenity quickly. The speed at which Peter's hand goes towards his belt where the hilt of a shattered sword sits, the impulsive somatics that Elena’s hands jump to, trying to summon a sword that is no longer bound to him, it should be worrying, but no one is there to worry but them.
It turns out to be a child, scared and looking up and down the road, shouting for help. Peter rushes forward, hand still holding Elena’s, determined to drag her towards the young figure.
“Hey, are you alright?” He asks, approaching carefully, gently.
The child, a young boy with bright eyes that are watery and brimming with unshed tears, looks up at Peter with an anxious wavering gaze.
“Who ‘r you? Do you know Miss Lynn? You look like a teacher, I’ve n’ver seen you at school b’fore”
He must be no older than seven, tan skin with the barest hint of horns poking out of his mop of dark hair.
“Ah- no- no I’m not a teacher, I’m just someone who wants to help, are you looking for Miss Lynn?”
“Yeah, we were on a trip and I lost her and all my friends”
“I’m sure we can find her, do you mind coming with me so we can look?”
“Mkay mister”
“Call me Peter. While we look, why don’t you tell me what your teacher looks like? so I know what I’m looking for”
Elena watches as the two begin to walk, Peter’s hand no longer in theirs as he grabs the attention of this child instead. They’re a bit awestruck by the interaction, unsure what to do with themselves other than follow the two, feeling slightly useless in this situation.
They find the teacher in the end, a frazzled younger woman neither of them recognize, must be new to town. She apologizes profusely, and thanks them for returning the child safely, before heading off with the crowd of school children around her.
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Elena loves desperately, it’s not something he’s necessarily aware of, but the desperation grips at their mind and heart and rips through them like paper. Peter makes him better, holds them when they sob and shutter and weep for reasons they don’t even understand. He understands though, somehow he always understands, and he will wipe their tears and kiss their knuckles and let them scream as if they deserve to.
Elena’s desperation will destroy her, it will ruin her, because they would do anything for Peter, they would kill the gods ten times over if it needed to be done, no hesitation. But at some point it falls to the little things, and while his instinct tells him to run and hide and protect himself, the desperation pleads for deceit and trickery and anything to keep the love.
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Elena was close to silent for the rest of the day, responding when spoken to but deep down a line of thought, one too difficult to pull out of. Peter notices -of course he does- and they head home sooner rather than later, he makes them an early dinner, and settles them both down in the living room right after. He’s gentle, quiet, and careful.
Elena does break the silence eventually, after watching the space between the book Peter is reading and his elbow for what could be hours.
“Would you like to teach again Peter?” It’s not really the question she’s trying to ask, she thinks he knows that too, but he still pauses carefully, lowering his book.
“What do you mean? We talked about this already Elena”
“We did not. I just- you seemed so happy earlier, and you were so good with the child, and if they’re hiring new people for the school…I thought maybe it could be something to work towards”
“I’m- I was fired Elena, I tried it out and I wasn’t good for it, that’s that” The book snaps shut and he places it on the coffee table, studying them carefully through his glasses.
“You must know that’s not true Peter, I don’t know why those teachers were so hostile towards you, or why it got to the point you were fired, but you didn’t deserve it, you’re a great artist, you’re wonderful with kids-”
“Elena, what is this really about? I’m not that worried over teaching again, it was nice while I did it sure, but I’m happy here…with you”
“I’m happy too Peter”
“Then what’s wrong?”
There’s a very long pause, Elena’s thoughts scattered in a second, grasping at anything solid and finding nothing but fuzzy chaos.
“We should have a kid”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re good with them, you would raise one well, we would be a family, the typical married couple with their child, raising them in a little cottage on a hill, it would be perfect”
“Elena, if you want to have a kid we can certainly talk about it…but I- this has never been brought up before, sure I’ve thought about it but it’s a bit more serious than just deciding to have one…”
“I’m not deciding, it’s what people do when they get married though isn’t it?”
“Do you want a kid Elena?”
The desperation sinks its claws in like a predator on a hunt, piercing agonizing pain.
“I want anything you want Peter”
Peter stands, they want to run and hide, duck behind safety, there’s no physical threat, just the arguably worse threat of being seen, of being known.
“That’s not an answer love” He kneels before them, hands grasping theirs gently, a kiss to her knuckles as always.
“I- you would be such a wonderful father Peter”
“We already have the lizards Elena, we don’t need more than that, we have each other”
“I want to see you thrive Peter”
“I already am Elena”
It’s a lot to think about, because he says it like it isn’t everything, like the idea of responsibility so great doesn’t make them want to throw up.
“I don’t want kids, not now, not soon”
“I know Elena, we don’t have to, not now, not soon, not ever”
“I’ll ruin them Peter”
The tears are hard to stop once they’ve started, the fear that stalks behind desperation, it sends shivers through them as they sob into Peter’s arms. They are not a creature built for love, and yet they love like wildfire and it hurts. They are but a starved desperate creature of illusion and deceit, and Peter still holds him like he’s a treasure.
They go to bed soon after, Elena’s head heavy with tears and Peter holding them together at the seams. It’s not the end of this conversation, there’s something deeper, but for now it’s enough.
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Peter Sqloint loves everything about Elena, he cherishes them like he could lose this love at any moment. He doesn’t know about the desperation, about how guilty Elena feels over their obsession with him.
Elena wonders if it’s unhealthy, he thinks about it often, if they’re too much for Peter, too desperate for something so healthy that it becomes poisoned by their problems. They don’t want to bring it up, what if he agrees, what if this is all too much, what if they’re dragging him to his demise, what if he leaves.
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She tells him anyways, because she loves him, and she wants this to work, she wants it to last.
“Peter, do you ever want more than this?”
He’s reading again, Peter reads a lot these days, Elena has noticed the tranquility of his hobbies. Reading, painting, gardening, he tried knitting once but that ended a lot more violently than you would expect.
“Like what? I’ve told you I like what we have”
“Do you get bored though?”
“Do you?”
“Of course not”
“Then why would I?”
“Peter-”
“Elena I love you so much, do you know that? You are the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me, I owe you my life, literally. What we have now is perfect imperfections, we learn together, we live together. Some days we do absolutely nothing, I love those days, and I hope you find the same comfort in the nothing that I do.
You keep asking if I want more, if I want to teach again, if I want a kid. Elena, if I've ever made you think I’m unsatisfied, you should tell me, because I love it here, I love it here with you. I love mornings with you, breakfast and listening to your plans for the day. I love the town, the people, the way you’ve made a home here, the nights I get to watch you perform in the tavern, the days we go on walks. I love our garden, our lizards, our house. I love painting, I love painting you more than anything, how could I ask for more Elena? I love this”
It’s ironic, when they met Peter cried often, eyes welling with tears during a considerable amount of their conversations. Now Elena feels the uncontrollable hot trails of tears on her cheeks, as Peter wraps around her once again she lets herself weep, all they can think is how they’ve switched places.
“I love you so much Peter” They’re blubbering, a mess of tears and mumbled words into his shoulder
“I’m so lucky to have you, sometimes I think I’ll ruin you like this, your heart is too good for me. I’m poison Peter, I’m an apple seed turned lethal. I never wanted to be this, but sometimes I think it’s too late for me, what if I’m never good enough Peter”
They’re shaking, arms clinging to their husband like a lifeline. Whispering their insecurities into his neck, secretly hoping he doesn’t hear anything at all.
“It will take me so long to tell you everything Peter, I appreciate you listening to my stories, as horrific as they may be, but what if I become too much darling. I’ve always had to be larger than life, how can I feel real when I’ve never been Elena before, when I don’t know who I am”
“Elena, I will love you despite your flaws, with your flaws, because of your flaws. Apple seeds can grow into trees, but the best apple trees are grafted, worked on and studied and created to make specific types of apples. Apple trees take trial and error, apple trees take work.
You won’t be perfect to the world first try, that’s ok Elena, I will love you regardless. I will help you learn who you are, I promised you I would before we changed the world, I will promise again now”
“I don’t deserve you”
“I don’t deserve you either, yet here we are”
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It gets easier slowly, Elena talks more, their days are still simple but they have moments, sitting in bed late at night sharing secrets, whispering into the dark. There are plenty more tears, plenty more hugs, they cling onto each other more often now, arms wrapping around waists as they cook or wash dishes.
Peter attempts knitting again, it goes just as terribly as the first time but he tries. More lizards jump through embroidery hoops, it is honestly impressive how many hours Peter spends training them, they’ll have a small lizard circus at this rate.
Funnily enough they both end up teaching, they open a small after school program, and they teach magic, even having adult classes on weekends. It’s wonderful, Elena ends up taking to it much faster than they expect, especially liking teaching the adults, and all the children love Peter. They love it, but besides that their life isn’t much. They still spend days doing nothing, they travel past the hill and their town, help where they can while still having a home to come back to.
The townspeople love the couple on top of the hill that moved in a year ago, they were wary at first, powerful strangers had no place in a small town like theirs. But the couple teach the town magic, the couple make the town vibrant, they create trade routes to export the local farmers apples, and they help everyone they can.
In the end, despite everything, it’s perfect.