Work Text:
Jon has never quite known what it means to be comfortable.
He knows what the dictionary tells him comfort is supposed to feel like--a state of ease and freedom from pain--but he doesn’t know how its definition is supposed to map onto his life.
When he was a child, his knowledge of comfort was limited almost entirely to people repeatedly telling him the way he was sitting didn’t look very comfortable and did he want a chair or some help moving somewhere else maybe? Needless to say, he quickly learned how to make himself appear comfortable.
He also just as quickly learned how to simply stop caring whether or not he appeared comfortable. And once he stopped trying to fit into conventionally acceptable portrayals of comfort, he started trying to figure out how to actually be comfortable.
Being comfortable, his classmates scoffed at him, was not acting like a know-it-all and skipping lunch purely because of the queue, but rather, playing with the other kids and messing around instead of paying attention in class. It was something he didn’t want to do, apparently.
Being comfortable, his neighbour scolded him, was not climbing onto their roof and watching the stars at ungodly hours, but rather, staying in his own back garden and sticking to the part of the world arbitrarily assigned to him. It was something he didn’t at all understand, apparently.
Being comfortable, his coworkers passive aggressively reminded him, was not spending far too long with the least important tasks on the agenda, but rather, attending meaningless parties and using colloquial language. It was something he just didn’t seem capable of, apparently.
Being comfortable, the world told him, was all but impossible .
“I’ll manage,” he says when someone asks if he’s okay standing up for the whole duration of an unfortunately long meeting.
“I understand,” he says when someone breaks up with him because he wasn’t focused enough on maintaining their relationship.
“I’m fine,” he says when someone points out that he’d sent an email at midnight and accidentally revealed his mess of a sleep schedule.
All in all, he’s fine living life a little uncomfortably, but then Martin happens. And he keeps happening. Over and over and over again, until Jon has no choice but to stop pretending to be comfortable with things he’s really not, which isn’t even for his own sake, but because something inside of him twists and hisses and slowly erodes away at the thought of lying to Martin.
“Your tea was a little too sweet,” he blurts one day, and Martin blinks in surprise before breaking into a grin.
“Thank you for letting me know,” he replies.
Jon frowns. “You’re not offended?”
“Of course not! I’m so glad you’re finally expressing your opinions on the matter,” Martin says with nothing but sincerity in his voice. Although Jon doesn’t reply, he doesn’t stop himself from smiling when his tea is made to slightly more bitter perfection the next day.
“That party sounds like a nightmare,” he admits when Martin asks him why he hasn’t replied to any of Tim’s several invitation emails.
“You know you don’t have to go, right?” Martin asks softly.
After a moment of silence, he shrugs. “As your boss, it’s rude if I keep refusing social events, isn’t it?”
“Not really,” Martin says, “and anyway, we know it’s not your cup of tea. You can say no, you’ll just have to deal with Tim’s whining for a bit.”
Jon snorts. “When do I not?”
“See? No big deal,” Martin concludes easily, and even though Jon feels like he’s just been carefully walked into some kind of trap, he can’t say he minds all that much because for once, the others’ complaining feels lighter than a feather.
“I need to make a statement,” he whispers in the middle of the night, regretting the words as soon as they leave his mouth.
Martin just chuckles and squeezes his hand before rising to his feet. “I figured you would. Come join me in bed once you’re done?”
“I don’t know how long it’ll take,” Jon says honestly, “and I might be cold once I’m done.”
With a hum of acknowledgement, Martin disappears inside before returning with a blanket and wrapping it around Jon’s shoulders. “There. Now you can stay out here and make your statement to the stars for as long as you like and not scare the life out of me with freezing limbs afterwards.”
“I love you,” Jon replies, overwhelmed in his favourite way.
Martin plants a soft kiss on his forehead. “I love you too. Now make your statement before you explode.”
“I’m not going to explode!” Jon splutters, but he can’t bring himself to be even the slightest bit irked when his whole face is radiating warmth from the touch of his boyfriend’s love.
He makes his statement--only for himself, they’re far beyond serving anyone outside their own little world anymore--and the stars seem to glint in gratitude just as the breeze pointedly nudges him back indoors. He’s not sure whether that’s just his imagination or Martin’s doing, but he doesn’t mind either way.
“You didn’t have to wait,” Jon murmurs as he slides under their duvet.
“I know,” Martin murmurs back, wrapping his arms around him like a second, much warmer and cosier duvet. “I wanted to, though.”
Jon grins into the darkness and shuffles further into Martin’s embrace, each of his muscles relaxing as he shuts his eyes. He rests his head above Martin’s heart, listening to his pulse and letting their breathing synchronise in the same way he always does.
“Comfy?” Martin teases once he’s settled.
And he is.
Being comfortable, he has discovered, is being with Martin.
Comfort, he has realised, is best described not by any dictionary or thesaurus, but with each and every shared beat of their hearts.
“Undeniably so,” Jon replies honestly.
Martin giggles, somehow still amused--only amused, never annoyed--by his choice of words, and pulls him impossibly closer. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
And that’s the whole point, apparently.
Comfort is love and love is Martin and Martin is comfort and Jon loves Martin and Martin loves Jon and Jon has finally, finally found comfort and he is loved and he is comfortable and he is with Martin and nothing is impossible as long as they are in love and they are together, and neither of them intend to change either of those things any time soon so they will stay together and they will always, always be in love and find comfort in their love, and in each other.