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Ever since Dick had learned that Bruce kidnapped the Joker and disappeared, he had had an ominous feeling. Although he tried to suppress the fear, he was still praying. “Please be safe… Bruce please, I can’t lose my father again.”
“Faster, faster!” Dick thought as he ran hastily across the roofs. He could make it this time, he had to. He never wanted to repeat the same mistake ever again. If he had insisted on checking the rope again, his parents would still be alive today. If he hadn’t fought with Bruce and left for an off-world mission, Jason wouldn’t have left on his own. If…
-
Dick had just returned to Titan Tower, he had left for half a month. He was no longer angry with Bruce after the long mission. Dick knew that the Bat was just a stubborn bastard and bad at communication, he was still his dad and he loved him. Besides, he missed Jason. He had brought back a souvenir for his little brother— it was a stone from the planet he went to, it looked like a turquoise jewel, just like Jason’s eyes, but it was just a random stone on the planet. He was sure Jay would love it.
After Dick had packed his luggage, he then hurried to the Zeta Beam. He was standing in the cave after the bright light disappeared. He had thought that Bruce would be working in the cave at the time, but it was quiet in the cave, except for the screeches of bats. Dick threw his bag casually on the floor by the computer. “B? I’m home! Hey—! Is anyone here? Little Wing?” He looked around asking tentatively.
He only heard the sounds of bats flapping their wings as an answer.
Therefore, he ascended to the Manor. Maybe Bruce was still busy with WE business in his office? Dick guessed. However, his stomach was churning with fear as he entered the Manor. The Manor was eerily quiet. Sure, it was usually quiet and it’s not like Jason would be screaming and running in the Manor. But this… this was dead silence.
It felt like Alfred was neglecting to arrange the Manor. The light was dim and you could see the dust drifting in the air. The fear hit Dick as he wondered just what had happened? Where was Alfred? Where was Bruce? Where was Jason?
Where was his family?
Later, Dick finally found Bruce and Alfred. But he didn’t find Jason. He never would.
He didn’t really remember what happened after that. Dick felt as if his soul was being pulled out of his body, and he was watching everything as a bystander. He had watched himself attending Jason’s funeral rigidly, and staring blankly at Jason’s coffin being buried by shovels and shovels of dirt under six feet.
When Dick came back conscious, he realized that he was having the biggest fight, at the time, with Bruce. Bruce was just standing there and turned his back to him, he didn’t even give him a glance. There was only him and Bruce in the cave, the others had left earlier. He was both furious and frustrated. He was furious that Bruce hadn’t told him right after the accident had happened. He was frustrated that Bruce didn’t say a word and just stood there and let him shout at him. Weren’t they a family? Wasn’t he Bruce’s son? Wasn’t he Jason’s brother? Why was he the last person to know about the whole thing? Would he miss his own brother’s funeral, if he hadn’t come back the same day as the funeral?
Dick was shaking with rage, his face covered with tears. He glared at Bruce’s back and closed his eyes as he took a slow breath. “Did you, Bruce, did you ever see me as your son? Did you ever see Jason as your son?”
He saw as Bruce stiffened from his words. Dick truly didn’t know if they were family anymore.
“What do you mean?” Bruce asked hoarsely after a long silence.
“What do I mean? What do I mean? Ha!”
“What I mean is that if you had seen us, Jason and I, as your sons, you should have stopped Jason before he left! You should have told me right after Jason had left!”
Bruce answered grimly, “Jason had taken his action behind my back, and I went after him as soon as I found out. And you, you were on a mission, I—”
“Mission, mission, mission! Do you really just care about missions?! Are the missions prior to your own family?!”
Bruce didn’t answer, and Dick wasn’t waiting for one. He shook his head.
“Perhaps people are right about Batman, he is just a heartless cruel monster.” Dick said before he turned around and left.
Of course, Dick realized that he had said something horrible after he calmed down. But he couldn’t take back the words now, maybe they shouldn’t have contact for a while, just to give each other a break.
-
“Is, um, is this Mr. Dick Grayson?”
It sounded like a little boy’s voice on the other side. He sounded hesitant and like he was trembling. Despite his questioning, his tone was positive, like he was sure he hadn’t phoned the wrong number, but he was hesitating for some other reason.
“Yes, who’s asking?”
Dick heard the little boy draw in a slow breath, he seemed to compose himself, before he said, “Bruce needs you… He… he’s in a terrible state…”
Dick’s first thought of hearing those words were: “Bruce has never needed me.” But then the words, and the boy’s trembling panic sank into his brain. What did he mean “in a terrible state”? He knew that Batman had become more and more violent, and that people had rumored that he had finally gone mad, Batman had crossed the line. But that didn’t seem to be what the boy was talking about…
“I-I will go back to check this weekend…”
“No! No… I mean, if you are available, you should come back today… He… Bruce…” The boy started sobbing and that just made Dick feel like his heart had been clutched by fear.
Dick shot up from his desk abruptly and ignored the others’ stares, he said, “I’ll be on my way.” Then made his way back to Gotham hastily.
Dick thought about every possibility during his trip. Maybe Bruce got a nasty hit and was unconscious, or Bruce did beat a criminal to death accidentally, or Bruce had kidnapped a random boy out of Jason’s absence…
Dick shook his head, he was just scaring himself. Maybe Bruce was just drunk and terrified a little boy, or maybe Bruce was fine and this was just he trying to trick him to go home…
Until Dick was back to the Manor, he then found out the truth— Bruce was attempting to commit suicide.
He never thought that Bruce, Batman, out of all people, would commit suicide.
Dick always considered Bruce a strong man, sometimes even a little unrelenting. It seemed that there was nothing or nobody more important than Gotham— including himself.
But Dick also remembered that when he first moved into the Manor, lived with Bruce, Bruce was a man who would play with him, try everything to make him smile, and laugh with him.
Since when did Bruce not smile anymore? Since when were there only arguments between him and Bruce? Since when has Bruce suffered from depression? (Dick had learned from Alfred later that Bruce had tried to jump off the roof when he was younger. But he was stopped by Alfred and Gordon then.)
—Maybe it was just that Dick had never truly understood Bruce before.
Dick had resented that Bruce didn’t know him, didn’t understand him, but he really was the one who knew nothing.
Afterward, Dick had learned that the boy who called him was named Tim Drake. He found out Batman and Robins’ identities on his own, and he couldn’t stand Batman’s patrol of self-destruction, so he just decided to be the new Robin to be an anchor for Batman. And he was the one who had found Bruce and saved him in time.
Dick never seemed to be able to save anyone before— his parents, Jason. And if it was not Tim, then Bruce would be…
Dick wiped the tears off his face and took a deep breath. It would never happen again, from now on he would protect his family better.
-
Dick was startled out of his memories by the screams from afar, which sounded like someone was screaming, but somehow being muffled. Though he was desperate to find Bruce, there was someone who needed help. Thus, Dick turned his direction into the scream, but before he had found the assumed victim, there was a gun-shot and the scream stopped.
Dick, startled by that, tried his best to rush over and stayed alert to see if there was anyone fleeing away. As he finally arrived on the rooftop, he was in shock to find that it was Jason who had been screaming.
Jason was cuffed onto the wall for unknown reason, and Dick was astonished to see that his face was covered with tears and he was wearing a rebreather. Dick’s brain was not yet clear enough to comprehend anything despite the fact that someone had hurt his brother.
Dick took off the rebreather from Jason’s face, and cut the cuffs on both his hands and legs while asking, “What happened, Jason? Aren’t you looking for B—” But he cut himself off before finished.
Bruce… They were all out looking for Bruce and the Joker. Dick’s brain finally clicked every piece falling into place. There were few people who could restrain Jason, and Bruce was one of them… He remembered that he had heard a gun-shot earlier, he felt a chill run down his spine… Dick was afraid to think about what might have happened.
Jason hadn’t said anything and that was never a good sign. Finally, Dick had broken every cuff off Jason. He was about to say something just before Jason pushed him to the side.
Jason stumbled across to the edge and he didn’t even give Dick a glance. Dick jumped up and ran after him. “Jason? Jay! Hey, what the… hell…”
Dick was so focused on Jason earlier that he didn’t have the time to observe what else, or who else, was on the roof. But now that he had turned around to chase after Jason, he then noticed that there laid the bloody Joker and a crowbar.
The Joker was dead. The Joker was dead, but what about Bruce? Where was Bruce?
The gun-shot.
Bruce…?
No no no no no no…
No… that was not possible, that wouldn’t be right…
Dick saw Jason was near the edge and was about to jump off, he broke out of his thoughts and rushed to hold him back. “Jason! What are you doing?! Jason, w-where is Bruce? Jay! Where is Dad?!” Dick was almost pleading for Jason to tell him that Bruce was safe, that he was fine.
He was grasping Jason’s shoulders, when he noticed that Jason was trembling. No, they were both trembling…
Jason finally opened his mouth and spoke in a pained and despaired voice.
“B… dad… save him, save him, Dick! Please… let go of me Dick… I-I need to save him… Dad, dad!” He was shouting at the last few words. He wanted to struggle out of Dick’s hands, but he was weak, his strength strained.
“W-what, what are you talking about? Jason? W-where is Bruce…?” Dick’s voice was wavering.
Jason didn’t seem to hear him, he just kept mumbling, “Dad… Bruce… please come back…”
Dick felt like he was back to the night he had lost his parents, or the night he had learned of Jason’s death again. He watched like a third person at himself crumbling to the ground and pulling Jason down together with his hands still on his shoulders. The two of them lent on each other in a twisted position while Jason was breaking down and Dick cried in a blank face.
He had been too late once again.
-
Eventually, they found Bruce some Nautical miles away from where he had fallen. There seemed to be poison in his blood, hence his body hadn’t been gnawed by fish and the fish had died around him. Although his body hadn’t been damaged further, the bullet had almost blown off the back of head, and it was swelling due to the water.
They held an exclusive funeral for Bruce. Most of the Leaguers had come as well as some of Bruce’s older friends. Even Harvey Dent had come. They had been wary at first, but Dent said that he was just coming to say goodbye to his old friend. Thus they didn’t make him leave though they kept an eye on him.
It was Clark and Alfred who had arranged the funeral, but most of it was done by Clark. Alfred seemed to age years in one night ever since he had learned about Bruce’s death. Although he still did his job dutifully as usual, anyone with eyes could see that he was withered.
Ever since the day Jason had gotten home, he didn’t speak much and that worried Dick. There were nights that Dick could hear Jason screaming. “NO! Please don’t, Bruce—! Don’t… don’t leave me, dad…” And when Dick rushed into his room, he would find Jason sitting up on his bed, panting with his face covered with tears, and his body covered with cold sweat.
Dick understood how stricken Jason would feel after he had to watch his dad die in front of him, yet he could do nothing.
After his parents’ death, Dick had nightmares for months, and even after he had grown up, he would still dream about the scene of his parents dying in front of him.
Dick had enough after a week, and he moved into Jason’s room to sleep with him. Jason didn’t protest at that, actually, he didn’t react to anything or anyone.
One night, Jason was screaming again. Dick had stirred up from his first shout, and he had gone to Jason’s side to hold him and murmured something to soothe him.
After Jason had calmed down, he spoke up for the first time. “His death was because of me.”
Dick paused, he didn’t know what to say. If he denied him, it would elicit a bad response, so he stayed silent.
Jason wasn’t waiting for his response either, he continued. “It was me who caused his death. If I hadn’t kept telling him that he should’ve killed the Joker, then he wouldn’t die…”
Dick knew that it was just one of the reasons, but not the only one. Bruce’s death was caused by him, by all of them.
“He wouldn’t blame you…” He could only reply plainly.
Jason let out a humorlessly chuckle. “You know what? I made Batman lose his mind. He was dead, because he went mad, he had become another Joker.”
Dick didn’t know what Jason was talking about. What did he mean that Bruce had become another Joker? So as he asked. “What are you talking about?”
“He… You know that he killed the Joker, right?” Dick nodded.
“The Joker’s blood… or there was some toxin in his body, that was why Bruce had put the rebreather on my face, would make the one who killed the Joker become another Joker… I watched how Bruce lost his mind, how he got that same bloody grin as the Joker, and how he laughed maniacally like the Joker… I watched Bruce’s eyes turned an ugly green, and he looked at me and asked me, “why so serious?””
Dick felt his blood go cold and freeze bit by bit as he listened to Jason’s every word. He had thought that Bruce had killed himself because he was finally done with the depression… But according to Jason, it seemed more like that he couldn’t stand to live as a psychopath anymore.
Dick was suddenly reminded that Jason didn’t know Bruce had suffered from depression. He wasn’t sure if he told Jason, if he would blame himself even more… but he supposed that he should know.
“Jay, Bruce had… he’s committed suicide before.” He said unprompted.
Jason stared at him incredulously, “What?”
“Bruce has suffered from depression ever since his parents’ death. Alfred said he attempted to jump off the roof when he was still young, but had been stopped by him and Gordon. And there was another time… just after your death. It had happened a few months after you were gone. I had said something terrible to him after your funeral, and I just ran to Blüdhaven to avoid him. It was Tim who told me and made me come home.”
“I then realized how distressed Bruce had been… and I was the one who claimed Bruce didn’t understand me, but the truth was that I was the one who didn’t understand anything. I had never known Bruce, never truly cared about him…”
Dick shook his head to stop Jason’s protest. “There were a lot of things that I should have noticed, but I just ignored or pretended that I didn’t see. I always thought that Bruce, the Batman, was a strong man and that he could not hurt or despair.”
“But I forgot that Bruce was still just a man, like any of us, after all.”
Dick didn’t notice when he had started crying, his face was covered with tears. He made a bitter smile and said. “If you claimed that you’re the one who killed Bruce, then I am your accomplice. Both of us are the last straws that broke Bruce.”
We were both the murderers who killed Bruce.
END