Chapter Text
[The shuffling of papers]
Clark Kent
Hello readers–or, well, listeners! Today I managed to get my hands on Superman for an interview. A lot of y’all are interested in the man behind the cape, so I’ll be goin’ through some popular questions about him!
Superman
So, Mr. Kent, what is it that the people would like to know?
Clark Kent
Our first question is, “Where did you get your powers from?” I’d also like to know this, especially how you can fly like one of those big sky tractors.
[A woman laughs in the background]
Superman
Sky tractor? And, well, I’m not from Earth. I come from a planet in the Andromeda galaxy called Krypton. My parents sent me here before it was destroyed. My powers come from there, I ‘spose.
Woman
An old joke between us.
Clark Kent
Yeah, it’s a long story. But, my condolences. Never thought you weren’t from Earth!
Woman
Long story my ass, he’s just embarrassed.
Superman
Well, I don’t really look it, do I? Like an alien, I mean. Can’t blame ya for not thinking I’m one.
[Paper rustling again. Clark began to speak, but was cut off]
Woman
So, is there anything going on between you and batman?
[Superman stammers as she starts giggling]
Clark Kent
Lois, please!
Superman
Batman and my’s relationship is purely professional. We’re work friends, at most! The guy don’t talk much.
Lois Lane
That’s what they all say! [She laughed.]
Clark Kent
Lois! Please! Next question! [He paused.] Oh, wait, I have to read that!
Why do you wear your underpants outside of your uniform? Lois–did you put this in?
Lois Lane
Me? I would never! I’m offended you would even think that. [She paused.] The people are curious, Clark!
Clark Kent
Lois, are any of these not from you?
Superman
Well y’see, I was pretty young when I made the costume with my mom. Took it from one of those old comic books. [He laughed, though it was more of an embarrassed huff.]
Clark Kent
[Shuffling papers.] Ah, a normal one! What’s your favorite movie genre?
Superman
Well, I haven’t seen too many! Not too much time between savin’ the city and my day job. [He hummed.] But from what I’ve seen I like romantic comedies the best.
Clark Kent
I like a good movie set out in the country. You seen The Quiet Place?
Superman
You? The horror type? Color me surprised!
Lois Lane
No, no. Not horror. It’s the farm setting he likes. And he’s been learning sign language–you wouldn’t believe how excited he was that he understood it.
Clark Kent
Farm settings are my favorite genre! They remind me of home. Movin’ along, though.. Why do you save people?
Superman
Isn’t that a loaded question! [He laughed.] Well, people found me, and they took me in, y’know? My entire life I grown up seein’ everything good that humans are–and then I get to the big city and I see so many people causin’ pain, suffering. Just couldn’t stand it.
Clark Kent
It’s a real shame, you’re right. ‘Spose you’ve got similar ideation to us journalists, though. [He laughed.] We can’t go and punch people, but we can try to expose what they’re doin.’
Superman
Huh. [He hummed.] That’s somethin’ to think about. It’s not like you play the safest jobs–all you do is expose the truth in a different way than I do.
Lois Lane
Depending on what you cover. Stop acting like you’re the valiant one, sports boy! Not even that, he mostly edits. [She laughed. In the transcripts of the interview, she notes that Clark is completely fine with the office teasing.] We’ve only had a few people threatened ‘round here, and I’d like to keep it that way.
Clark Kent
You choose what I do, Lois! You’re my boss! [He laughed, shuffling his papers again.]
Superman
Did you print out every question on a different paper?
Clark Kent
I didn’t know it would happen! That damn printer hates me.
Lois Lane
Clark, the printer doesn’t hate you, you just couldn’t operate a computer to save your life.
Superman
Fittin,’ for a reporter, huh?
Clark Kent
I can use a computer just fine, thank you.
Lois Lane
Whatever helps you sleep at night, Clark.
Clark Kent
Ok–here’s our second-to-last question! How d’you destress after a long day?
Superman
I mostly read, but I like a movie or show here and there.
Clark Kent
Reading? What are your favorite genres there?
Superman
Sci-fi–I like the Star Wars books a good bit. My favorites are the Thrawn ones; I got into those after watching Star Wars Rebels.
Clark Kent
Oh, I know that show!
Lois Lane
The nerds are meeting–John, Clark found a man as geeky as he is!
[Lois’s heels could be heard clicking on the floor as she ran to the door, the sound fading as she left the room. One of the men laughed, and the door slamming only escalated his amusement.]
Clark Kent
Okay- [He took a deep breath.] Last question. What do you think of the other Justice League members?
Superman
Well, Batman is pretty alright–quiet, like I said.
Wonder Woman is great, super nice; she’s serious, but she doesn’t disregard us.
The Flash is real funny, but he doesn’t exactly know when to cut the jokes and get serious. And Green Lantern is okay, I don’t really talk with him all that much.
Aquaman hasn’t been to any League meetings in a while; he’s a flake. The Question is pretty alright, but I do worry a bit about him.
Firestorm is cool, they’re real dependable–real scary powers they’ve got, too.
Plastic Man is a lot like Flash but worse, in all those regards.
That’s not all of them, but people come and go a lot. Don’t always get the chance to chat.
Clark Kent
Interesting look in y'all's team! That’s all our time though, folks.
Superman
I’d best get goin’- [He paused as the door opened.]
Lois Lane
Aw, is it over? Already? And all while I was gone. You two should make a podcast, it was fun!
Clark Kent
What’s a Podcast?
Lois Lane
Oh boy. [She sighed.] Wrap ‘er up, we have a lot to talk about.
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