Work Text:
Silco didn’t really bother with rules when it came to Jinx, both because he didn’t really see himself as her parent and therefore it seemed unfair to act as such, but also because rules just didn’t have much of a place in Zaun so all of his attempts would have been futile and wasted both of their time.
He did have requests for her though. Some could have been considered something akin to rules, sure, but most of them were more so suggestions or pleas as they related to her safety.
Please don’t stay out too late, you know how dangerous it gets. Please let me know when you leave the house and where you’re going. Please let me know when you return home (so I can see that you’re still in one piece). Please be careful when you’re working in your lab (and he was aching to add in “please wear the appropriate protection gear”, but that was a battle he figured quickly he wasn’t going to win). Please eat at least one meal every day. Please tell me if you’re ever in trouble, because I cannot help you if you don’t tell me that you need help.
And so many other pleas made in a desperate attempt to keep her safe and sound. Desperate pleas that had to remain only between the two of them if he didn’t want the entirety of Runeterra to lose all respect for him, because who other than a weak man has to beg a child to do something? Still, he stands firm by his decision and it does seem like she may even respect him more for it as she doesn’t really go against him, not intentionally, that is, and, when the occasional accident happens, she is quick to apologise.
But amongst all the requests and the pleas and despite his rather… gentle approach to being Jinx’s… guardian, there was one thing that could be akin to a rule. One thing that he stood firm on, or so he thought, and which he demanded of her to obey, and that was that he would allow no pets in his house.
She did pout a little when he first told her that, but, as she realised a couple of minutes later, she was merely doing it out of principle. She’d never had a pet before and the thought of having one had never even crossed her mind, so the fact that him forbidding her to have one saddened her was simply baffling. Nevertheless, she agreed to it, justifying that with a shrug and by saying that it was not like it would change her life in any way so she might as well agree.
And she did stick by it, that rule being the only rule and the discussion about how humans always seem to yearn for what is forbidden or what they cannot have probably playing a role in that, and he couldn’t have been more relieved and grateful that she did.
After all, could anyone imagine a little puppy or whatever running around The Last Drop, or just Zaun in general for that matter? No! Because it was a silly concept! Zaun was no place for a pet, not as it was in that moment, at least, and as such he was willing to revisit the issue if, and only if, their circumstances were to ever improve (and he did plan on it and he was not going to take “no” for an answer, especially now, especially since… since Vander died), but he didn’t tell Jinx that as he often found himself walking around her on eggshells and he would much rather avoid having to do that unnecessarily.
But yes, Jinx had actually been great about his one rule… or so he thought.
She was around fourteen when it happened.
Everything seemed fine one day and then the next he hadn’t seen her or heard from her all day. He saw her that morning during breakfast and she seemed to be in a good mood and pretty energetic (which he was very grateful for as he had learned by then just how fickle her moods and predispositions were, through no fault of her own, and how hard restful sleep was to come by for her), but then it was complete radio silence, which was unusual of her and therefore concerning, until dinner time came when she snuck in the kitchen, ate quickly and then vanished just the way she appeared.
All in all, her attitude and actions were strange and not like her to the point where he wondered if something had happened. Something must’ve happened to make her act so out of character, right?
A million thoughts and worries and fears race through his head at that thought, a million terrifying nightmares that he couldn’t escape plaguing him as he made his way to her bedroom to check up on her… and if she wasn’t there then he’d run, not walk, to her lab and if she wasn’t going to be in her lab then he would search every corner, every shadow, turn every stone and question every single person on both sides of the river until he found her and brought her home safe and sound.
Luckily for his heart, she was indeed in her room. The thump of a drawer being closed a little too forcefully and the creaking of her bed giving her away before he even got a chance to open the door. A bout of relief washed over his body at that. At least she was home. At least she was right by his side still.
The fight was not over though, because, while she may have been in her room, that still didn’t mean that everything was fine and that thought made it so hard to make the final step and knock on the door. But he had to, as his anxieties would not be put to rest until he saw her whole and safe and happy, so he briefly rehearsed a small, reassuring smile that would serve as a distraction from his obvious distress, took a deep breath and then he knocked on the door.
“Yeah?” came Jinx’s voice right away and that should’ve been a good sign, right?
“May I come in, dear?” he asked, shifting his weight from one leg to another just to do something other than anxiously wait for her answer, which could very well be “no” and which he would have to respect.
A beat of silence.
“Sure!” Jinx answered, nonchalantly and seemingly unaware of just how terrified he was in that moment.
His smile became a little easier to keep in place at her answer, but he still had to force himself through the motions as he was too freaked out to go through them naturally… but he was also aware enough to know that he would just push her away if he appeared too rattled.
So he forced himself to open the door ever so slightly, peering inside and watching her sit on top of her bed, books and notebooks and papers all around her, as he waited for her to wordlessly invite him inside, opening the door all the way and coming inside only once she did that. Once he was inside, he closed the door gently behind him, making his way to her afterwards and sitting beside her on the bed. He welcomed her in his arms without a single hesitation when she moved closer to him, the gesture seeming to have eased his worries a little bit, judging from the slight tension that left his body.
“I haven’t seen you much today.” he said, kissing the top of her head afterwards and then he held her closer as he continued: “Did anything happen?”
“No, just… busy. Got a little lost in my work, that’s all.” she said, aiming to appear dismissive and nonchalant, but all she actually appeared to be was guilty.
He jumped up slightly at that, his grip on her arm growing ever so slightly tighter and the way her body tensed up in his embrace told him that she was aware that he was onto her. Or close to it, anyways.
“Anything worth sharing?” he asked, brushing a stray hair out of her face as if nothing had happened, as if he weren’t aware that she was lying through her teeth because he knew that calling her out on it wouldn't help, quite the opposite.
“Not really, I just… I just ran out of bombs so I had to make some more and, y’know, that’s a whole day thing.” she said, shifting in her spot so she could curl up closer to him and lay her head on his shoulder, her movements just ever so slightly wrong and that just made his stomach drop.
“It was fun! It’s… it’s actually quite relaxing to just… go through the motions for a day.” she added with a smile, smile that for a brief moment was a little too sharp for him to dismiss it as anything but ill-intended, if not a little clumsy… but then it turned into a soft grin, the one she generally had whenever she would tell him about her day and he couldn't help but hold her as close as possible, because even if she was lying to him and even if she did do something she wasn’t supposed to he still couldn’t find it in him to be mad at her. He could find it in him to be concerned though.
“But I did come up with something on the way home.” she continued, far more settled into her act already, but on edge just enough that it allowed Silco to question her.
Still, he was aware that she was lying because of their closeness, because he’d had the opportunity and the time to learn even her smallest of tells, so he was certain that just about anyone else would be none the wiser… which was why besides his worry had blossomed an immense pride.
The worry didn’t let up though, spreading through his body like a perfect poison and twisting him from the inside out before eventually killing him… but the fact that he was aware that she was hiding something from him proving to be a suitable antidote, for the moment at least.
“Want to tell me about it,” he started and then he pulled her closer and leaned in to whisper: “… or am I meant to be surprised?” he finished and he kissed her temple, feeling the slightest bits of tension leave both of their bodies at their casual shows of affection.
“Nope, not a surprise.” she announced cheerily as she sat up properly, reaching with shaking hands for the notebooks and papers scattered around the bed. “Not this one, at least.” She then added, flashing him a quick smile as she hid a sheet of paper into the nearest book.
“Not this one?” he inquired, his few seconds of relaxation ending as soon as he started watching her shift through sheets and sheets of paper with shaky hands and a set jaw. Part of him wanted to drop the charade right then and there, as he wasn’t playing along to prove a point or to catch her in the act or whatever other insidious reason there could be that he couldn’t think of in that moment but because he knew her and he knew that pressing her for information she didn’t want to give wasn’t a good strategy but, in that moment, he felt as if that was all he got…
Thump!
And they both instinctively looked towards her closet.
Thump!
And he looked at her as she tried to force a laugh.
“Oops… my bad…” she said with a wave of her hand and then she leaned in to reach for the book that she had just pushed off the bed in order to distract him, plan that failed miserably and of which she was so painfully aware that his heart was aching for her as he watched her try, and fail, to keep her posture.
“Jinx, dear…” he started saying, deciding to be the first to drop any and all pretence and just be honest about what was going on in a gesture driven by a desperation that he wasn’t quite yet ready to face, but before either of them managed to say anything else a small meow, or what appeared to be a small meow, came from the closet.
Jinx let go of the book at that, instantly frozen and shaky as she stared in horror at the closet door.
“Jinx…” he said gently as he reached for her arm, but then another small meow coming from the closet made her burst into tears.
He quickly gathered all the books, papers, and notebooks scattered across the bed and he put them on the nearest nightstand, pulling her close afterwards and rubbing her arm as he tried to reassure her that everything was going to be alright.
“No, no, no…” she muttered as she curled up closer to him, shaking her head into his shoulder and only sobbing louder.
“I-I-I…” she started before he had a chance to say anything and leaving him with a hand mid-air, but then she shook her head again, gripping his arm tightly as she struggled to stop from crying for just long enough to take a breath.
“I-I-I’m so, so s-sorry…” she then forced herself to say between sobs a couple of moments later, growing more desperate with each word she muttered.
“It’s alright, dear. Everything’s alright.” he reassured, honest as he could get despite the fact that he had figured out what she had done. Because, in that moment, what she had done faded in comparison to the distress the thought of him being mad at her put her through, and, because of that, he just couldn’t be mad at her. Not then, not ever. And, if he were honest, he most likely would not have been particularly upset at her either way, but her fear of upsetting him had sealed the deal for him.
Another meow came from the closet then, Jinx clinging even tighter to him and mirroring his desperation from earlier so perfectly that it should’ve forced him to finally allow himself to see things as they were, but it didn’t as denial was easier than acknowledgement and as worry was less of a burden than prying yourself open.
He just held her close, whispering sweet, soothing words as if it were instinct, and in a way it was. He then kissed her forehead, a gentle nudge so he could press his forehead against hers following and then a promise: “I am not mad at you, Jinx. I never have and I will never be mad at you, no matter what. And, even if I were, I would never, ever leave you. I will always, always be there, no matter what you say or do.”
Jinx pulled away from him at that, curling up onto herself as she bit on her lip, nervous but also so visibly confused that it was impossible for him to ignore. His heart outright broke at that sight, understanding the feeling of always thinking you’re one wrong step away from being cast aside, abandoned, discarded like you were nothing all too well and cursing that she had to go through that, cursing the one who has made her feel that way… but also himself, for not preventing it somehow.
He didn’t move closer, instead choosing to answer the urgent meows coming from the closet. He wasn’t surprised to see a little kitten running out of there as soon as he opened the door, following it with his gaze as it ran across the room, stopped in front of the bed and then spent a couple of seconds calculating before it made the jump onto the bed, only to quickly start rubbing its little body against Jinx’s legs as it continued to meow.
Jinx forced herself to look up from her knees at that, reaching out for the cat with one shaky hand but that didn’t matter to it as it bumped its head into her hand and then pressed itself closer to her as she hesitantly started petting it.
He just sat and watched her for a moment as she pet the kitten that was trying to nestle itself into her lap, pleased to notice that, while tears were still running down her face, her hands were still shaky and she was still occasionally sobbing, she seemed to have calmed down for the most part, which was what mattered to him the most.
He closed the closet door then, his movements calm and measured as he did so and he walked back to the bed, sitting besides Jinx and reaching out to pet the kitten, a peace offering of sorts that would hopefully help her calm down completely.
They sat in silence for a few moments afterwards, Silco petting the kitten, which by then has managed to slip onto Jinx’s lap, and Jinx scratching its cheeks and smiling at the way such a little gesture could make it purr so loudly. Silco didn’t say anything the entire time they did that, just petting the kitten quietly and allowing his… Jinx to enjoy the little animal’s company and affection.
Only once she seemed truly calm and was laughing at the way the kitten was contorting its little body on her lap to get better pets did he say anything, his expression soft as he did.
“Jinx…” and her face fell at that, swallowing nervously as she turned to look at him.
“Yes?” she asked, tears already welling up in her eyes as she still expected the worst.
“What I said earlier about how I’m not mad at you and how I won’t ever be mad at you no matter what, I did mean that.” he said, holding up his hand for her to take.
She looked at him, her jaw and her hands still trembling, and then she looked down at his hand for a moment before looking back up at him. Hand. Him. Hand. Him. Hand. And then she finally gathered up the courage to put her small, shaky hand in his. He held her hand gently, rubbing soft circles into the top of her hand and they just stayed like that for a few moments as he waited for her hand to stop shaking before he spoke again.
“I am not mad at you, Jinx.” he said, still choosing to look at her hand and only raising his gaze when her shoulders fell. “I will not punish you. And I am not yet certain what we are going to do about your… pet, but one thing I am is… puzzled.” he continued, his grip on her hand and his gaze steady and unflinching and he was glad to see her nodding along, her stance growing more relaxed the longer he spoke.
“So what I want, what I need from you is to explain to me why. That’s all. I won’t be angry and I won’t punish you regardless of what your answer is going to be, but I do need to understand.”
Her lip wobbled at that, the previous trust he had managed to inspire in her vanishing right before his eyes as if it had never been there in the first place. She then leaned back, pulling her hand out of his as if it had burned her, and she looked away, her eyes darting around the room as if she was searching for something, almost as if she was searching for an answer.
“It-It’s silly,” she eventually confessed, watching him closely as if she was expecting him to do something in response to her obviously wrong answer and he had a feeling that he didn’t want to know what that something was.
“I would still like to hear it, even if it may be silly.” he retorted, smiling warmly at her in hopes that it would help her relax, but to no avail as she was still a bundle of nerves as she answered him.
“I…” she began, but then she shook her head and looked away from him. She eventually settled on looking down at the cat that was still peacefully curled up on her lap. The cat stood up as soon as her attention had fallen onto it and it meowed, cheerily meowing again once she started absentmindedly petting it as she thought through what she wanted to say.
“I…” she tried again after a couple of moments, staring off into nothing as she closed her mouth again and completely unbothered by the cat that was climbing onto her and that only settled once it was perched up against her shoulder and could rub its nose against her cheek.
“She was… I… I found her all alone and I… I… I just couldn’t leave her there and… and…” she eventually managed to mutter, tears in her eyes and she was still visibly absent as if her thoughts were a little too much to process and verbalise.
“It’s alright.” he reassured, smiling softly at her when she looked at him. “Take your time.”
She nodded, biting her lip before tentatively reaching to hold the kitten and petting it again as she gathered her thoughts.
After about a minute of silence she turned to look at him, looking down as soon as her gaze met his. She started down for a few moments, holding the kitten closer, and then she took a deep breath, gathering her courage before she looked up at him again.
“I… I was walking to my lab this morning and I-I just found her… well, she found me more than I found her.” she started explaining, still a little unsure of herself.
He nodded, his gaze never once leaving hers and his gentle expression not once faltering and that seemed to give her a little bit of courage as she took another deep breath before continuing:
“She was wandering around this… this street corner and she was… she was just so… alone and she just jumped to her feet as soon as she saw me and she just started meowing and purring and she looked so so happy to see me and I… I… I couldn’t just leave…” she said, holding the kitten close to her chest in a way that was so familiar to him that he should’ve recognized it right away, but he didn’t.
Her story also should’ve sounded familiar to him already, but the gears just haven’t quite started turning in his head. Maybe it was her hesitation, maybe it was his unwillingness to acknowledge something that had been a truth and an integral part of his life for years already, but what was certain was that he needed a little more time to get it.
“I couldn’t just… leave her there, so I… I brought her some food and I tried to make her a… a nice… ish place to sleep, but she didn’t want me to leave and I-” she then said, starting to tear up at that point and he instinctively reached for her, desperate to hold her close and to soothe her fears and not even then did it click for him why Jinx was that attached to the small kitten bundled up in her arms.
“I wanted to leave her there… I really did, I-I knew that I couldn’t, shouldn’t bring her here but I just…I just couldn’t!” she added, scooting closer to him when he reached for her and curling up in his lap when he offered it. “She was… so tiny and so small and so scared and so alone and she was so happy to see me and… and I-I just couldn’t leave her there, I couldn’t leave her there… all alone and I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry,” she continued, curling up closer to him as she started crying and in that moment all the pieces fell into place for him.
He held Jinx closer as the realisation sunk in, only momentarily letting go of her when the kitten tried to climb onto his shoulder but he quickly regained his posture and pulled Jinx close to him again, kissing the top of her head as tiny paws started circling around on his shoulder.
“It’s alright, child. It’s ok. You did nothing wrong.” he reassured her and then he kissed the top of her head again, the words said almost out of reflex and that should’ve told him something, made him realise another thing that he had been blatantly ignoring, something that he couldn’t yet accept as true despite the fact that it may have just been the truest thing in his entire life.
He smiled at paws walking along his back and at the prickling of claws in his back as the kitten jumped off his back, a memory of years since gone by in his head and so close to the truth he wasn’t yet ready to acknowledge. He rubbed Jinx’s back, a good distraction from the word that was sitting on the tip of his tongue but which he was too afraid to say, and then he leaned back against the bed frame, shifting his position so that Jinx could lay more comfortably on him.
Jinx started sobbing even louder at that, the kitten circling around him visibly distressed by her sobs, and he tried to keep his hand steady as he ran his fingers through her hair and then as he rubbed her back, pulling her even closer so he could whisper shooting words in her ear but none of it seemed to do the trick as she was just getting more distressed, clinging onto him as she sobbed louder and louder and muttered words he couldn’t make out while frantically shaking her head.
“Jinx, dear, please…” he began to say eventually, when he just couldn’t hold himself together anymore and his hands had started shaking yet again that night, but before he could really say anything she sat up and screamed:
“NO! BE MAD AT ME! WHY AREN’T YOU MAD AT ME?! I-I BROKE YOUR STUPID RULE AND I DID IT FOR SUCH A… A DUMB REASON SO WHY AREN’T YOU MAD AT ME?!” she said, not finished but too overcome by her own anxieties and distress to keep going as she just couldn’t hold back her sobs anymore, collapsing into a bout of desperate sobs and refusing his help and comfort when he offered it.
A feeling of helplessness overcame him as he watched her cry, his stomach turning as his hands reached for her automatically, as if he were on auto-pilot, and he held onto her, despite her protests, until her sobs had subdued just enough that he could get a word in:
“Jinx…” he said, his voice shaking and what was left of his vision blurred, due to what he assumed must’ve been tears, and he waited, waited for her to look at him and only then did he speak again: “Didn’t I promise you that I won’t ever,” a slip of the tongue but it was too late for that, “be mad at you, no matter what you did?” he asked and she laughed, a bitter laugh that felt like a punch in the gut coming from someone so small, someone so young.
“Like that matters!” she exclaimed, just as bitterly, and then she grinned, a wrong twisted grin, as she continued: “Like that’s not just something you say to make me tell you what you really want to hear!”
“That is not true!” he found himself saying, a desperate need to convince her otherwise overcoming him but all she did was laugh.
“Right! You don’t need to keep pretending, y’know. You don’t need to keep lying ! I can handle it!” she said and she forced herself to hold her head up high, but her point was undermined by the way her hands shook in his.
He tipped his head, unable to see the expression on his face but he assumed that it must’ve been too gentle and too understanding for her liking as she responded with a snarl.
“I am not lying or pretending, child! I would never lie to you. I have no reason to lie to you.” he explained, as calm as he could make himself seem but by then he was aware that, for the most part, she could see right through him. He didn’t mind it, not in general, but especially not in that moment as he had nothing to hide. He was concerned for her and, given the topic of their discussion, she deserved to know that.
At that her jaw shook, staring at him for a few moments as she decided what to do next before looking away and starting to cry again.
“Why wouldn’t you lie to me?” she eventually asked, squeezing his hands tightly and gritting her teeth as she tried to hold back her sobs.
“Why would I lie to you?” he retorted and pulled her back into his arms, holding her close as he added: “I do not see you as a burden, child. I do not long to get rid of you, nor do I want in any way, shape or form to get rid of you and I never have. I also do not think that what you did today was silly or stupid or dumb or worth getting angry for.”
She looked up at him at that, eyes wide and her expression screaming disbelief as her small body still shook in his embrace. He brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face, smiling lovingly at her before he kissed the top of her head and held her closer.
“I think what you did today was, in fact, very kind,” he continued, not giving her enough time to overthink his words and twist them into something they aren’t, but which makes more sense to her, before giving her more to chew on. “I think that you saw a small, scared, lonely creature and that you decided that there was no need for her to ever feel as scared and helpless and alone as you once felt and for that I cannot reprimand you, child.” he said, leaning in close enough so that only the two of them would hear what he said next, as if he were letting her in on a secret… and, in a way, he kind of was as he had never even hinted to anyone else about what he was about to tell her. “Especially since I feel like that it would be a little hypocritical of me to do, all things considered.”
Jinx just stared at him for a couple of moments, unphased when the kitten curled up next to her and started purring up a storm as if she were aware that she had finally found her home, much like Jinx herself had three years prior. She stared at him in awe and in disbelief, wanting so badly to not believe him as that would be the easy thing to do but nothing about his words or his demeanour seemed insincere, which made it all the harder to process.
“So I can… I can keep her?” she asked, avoiding to actually address anything he just told her but she said just enough and exactly the right thing for him to know that she needed one last reassurance before she could start trying to accept what he’d just told her.
“Of course you can.” he said matter-of-factly, giving her the reassurance she was seeking without a moment of hesitation. “Did you think of a name yet?”
She looked away from him at that, shy all of the sudden and trying to hide it by starting to pet the black kitten sleeping next to her.
“Lucky.” she said after a moment, a small smile pulling at the corners of her mouth as she finally allowed herself to truly relax in his embrace.
“Perfect.” he said with a smile, running his fingers through her hair as he added, his words not merely about her choice but directed at her in general: “And quite clever as well.”
Her joyous laughter filled the room after he said that, her joy so palpable that he could almost taste it and it tasted sweeter than anything else in all of Runeterra, her laugh a sound that he was quite certain he would never get enough of no matter how many times he heard it. A yawn followed and Silco couldn’t say that he was surprised after what a long day she must’ve had.
“Want me to brush your hair?” he asked, a little tired himself, and she nodded, the implication not at all lost on her.