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“Oh, Edward. Really?”
“Yes, Iz. Really. You’ve been complaining about your shitty furniture for years, so we’re finally gonna do something about it.”
“Fine, but did you have to bring him along?” Izzy jerked his thumb toward the blonde man in the backseat.
“I’ve never been to an IKEA before, Israel. This is exciting!”
“Babe, half of our stuff is from IKEA.”
“I know, but I’ve never actually visited an IKEA before. I’ve heard it’s quite an experience.”
“Edward, I changed my mind. Let’s go home.”
“Nope. We’re here. It’s happening. You know, the longer you sit here, the more time you’re spending with Stede. Now, get your ass out of the car.”
Izzy scowled, but did as he was told. “Seriously, Ed, if I have to spend more than five minutes in an IKEA with that absolute idiot, I can’t be held responsible for my actions. For fuck’s sake, he’s been going on about credenzas since we got out of the car.”
“Izzy, Izzy, Izzy, I brought Stede along because he’s weirdly good at picking out furniture. You’ll see.”
“No, Edward. You two are just so enmeshed that you can’t do anything without him. And I don’t need a fucking credenza. ”
“Dickfuck, I know you don’t need a credenza; we do. Just give him a list of what you want and let him do his thing. Honestly, we could probably just chill at the restaurant and stuff ourselves with those Swedish meatballs while Stede shops.”
“I am not letting that ponce pick out furniture without me. My place will end up looking like the inside of an eighteenth century manse.”
They reached the top of the escalator, and Stede sucked in a breath. He turned to Ed, eyes wide and sparkling, an excited little smile curling the corners of his mouth.
Ed knew that look. He’d seen a version of that look on many, many occasions. “Okay, Iz. Tell him what you’re looking for.”
Izzy sighed and rattled off a list of various furniture items, including a new bed, dresser, dining table and chairs, and sofa. Stede asked a few clarification questions, and off they went. They emerged from the building an indeterminate amount of time later with delivery dates for all of Izzy’s furniture in hand. All in all, it had been a successful trip. Izzy and Stede had both come out of the experience unscathed. The only hiccup had been a loud argument about dining tables that very nearly came to blows before Ed reminded Stede that it was Izzy’s house, and therefore, his decision. Stede had ordered the Hauga sideboard (“In the gray. Thank you very much, my good man.”), Izzy had picked up a couple of potted plants to accent the space once his furniture arrived, and Ed had been rewarded with a stuffed octopus for preventing bloodshed in the dining section.
Ed slid into the driver’s seat and passed his stuffie back to Stede. “Can you keep Mortimer company while I drive?”
“Absolutely, my dear. I’ll care for Mortimer as if he were my own child.”
The drive to Izzy’s was relatively quiet, other than Stede quietly singing along to Ke$ha in the backseat. “Fine. I’ll admit that he’s actually pretty good at choosing furniture,” Izzy mumbled.
“What was that, mate?” Ed smirked.
Izzy sighed, “I said your idiot fiancé did a good job today. Still could’ve done it without him though.”
Ed hummed in acknowledgement and glanced in the rearview mirror. Stede was holding Mortimer in his lap and gazing out the window, looking a bit like the cat that caught the canary.
Ed pulled up in front of Izzy’s house a short time later. “Alright, Iz, you’re gonna let me know when the furniture gets here, right? I don’t want you trying to put it all together by yourself.”
“Yeah, don’t worry about that, Ed. I’m not stupid enough to try to assemble furniture on my own.”
“That’s great to hear, Israel!” Stede’s face popped up between Ed and Izzy, “Ed’s a whiz with an Allen wrench and he worries about you trying to do too much.” Izzy gave him a look and got out of the car.
He leaned down to meet Ed’s eyes, “Ed. Thanks for the ride.” His eyes flicked to Stede, “Bonnet, you weren’t completely awful today.” He stepped back and slammed the door shut before Stede could say anything. They watched as Izzy stalked up the path to his front door.
Stede leaned in closer to Ed, “Dearest?”
“Yes, my love?”
“I had so much fun today.”
“At IKEA?”
“Yes, at IKEA. And I was thinking…”
“I’m listening.”
Stede whispered into Ed’s ear.
“Stede, we are not going to IKEA for our anniversary! ”