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There was something truly and wholly maddening about feeling sympathy for something — or rather someone — that you hated. To look at someone and feel empathy, a common shared pain that made your connection deeper when that was the last thing you wanted.
Fisher Tiger wanted to hate. He wanted to loath and to resent until his teeth shattered from the force of his tense jaw. He wanted to carry his anger and let it fester like an infection.
Instead he found himself looking at this child, at this human, and wanting to apologize. Rather than the desire to wring his neck, as he did to marines and other pirates, he wanted to stand as far away from this… this thing as he possibly could; because looking at it, seeing that dead eyed stare and hideously plastic smile, made him want to cry.
Tiger didn't know what had possessed him into agreeing to bring the child back to his home island. He may have freed the slaves of Mary Jois, but that was where his responsibility had ended. He had no ties to this human — a human, he reminded himself — so he had no obligation to take it back to where it came from. He'd done his part.
Yet he'd agreed. Thus jumpstarting a journey where a crew of pirate Fishman were expected to coexist with a human child.
Most were wary simply because of the fact that it was a human. Others — Arlong — consistently made a point of suggesting they simply throw the boy overboard and be done with it.
"We're pirates, not babysitters," he would snarl. "Certainly not caretakers for humans like him."
Arlong wouldn't understand though. The Fishmen who had been at Mary Jois — who hid a brutal scar beneath their brand — did. Tiger did. He didn't want to understand, but he did, and he hated it. The way the former slave smiled, got to his knees and tore cloth from his own shirt to clean the planks of the deck. Tiger understood.
Tiger hated the guilt that clenched around his throat tighter than a slave collar when he decided to erase the brand on the child's back. When he chose to take the image he'd created for his fellow Fishmen who had been harmed and traumatized by humans, and brand it on a human.
He felt so guilty that it hurt, that his attempt to bury the scar with new scar tissue made the child scream so loudly. It reminded him of the screams he'd heard in Mary Jois from other slaves, both human and Fishmen alike. What else was he supposed to do, though? He would never be able to move on with the Claw on his back.
So Tiger sank teeth into his bias and resentment and shone the sun over the claw marks, dousing it in light in the hopes that it would change something.
Even though Tiger too carried scars beneath scars, this child had nothing to do with it. His hands were bloodied with sins, but this child touched gentle with faultless calluses and shaky fingers.
Nothing would ever change if people continued to hate, but it was too late for Tiger. His hate was too deep, he'd been alive for too long.
This former slave, though. This human child who had only ever seen terror. There was still a chance for him. He was still young. He could heal. He could denounce hatred and embrace change. He just needed a little bit of kindness.
When the other former slaves had introduced the boy, they’d introduced him as Koala.
“What kind of name is Koala for a boy?” Tiger had muttered, and one of the older men simply shrugged.
“That’s the name he gave us, and it was difficult to get that much out of him. He doesn’t speak much, but he called himself Koala.”
It didn’t sound real, more like a nickname, but Tiger wasn’t surprised. Maybe Koala didn’t remember his real name? He was still very young, and it was likely the Celestial Dragons had taken him when he was even younger; but if that was the name he preferred then who was Tiger to argue?
At Mary Jois, you were never normally addressed by your name. The Celestial Dragons didn’t care who you were before, they just wanted you to obey orders and bend under the yoke of their rule.
That mentality was rooted deep. For a while all Koala did was smile and stay out of the way unless offering to clean in exchange for not being murdered by the pirates. He was terrified of them because, in his soft words, the group of Fishmen were total strangers. Which did make sense.
The last strangers he had been introduced to had kidnapped and enslaved him.
It took time and patience. After burning the sun into his back, the next obstacle the crew had to get over was ensuring that Koala actually rested. The wound took up the majority of his upper back and would take time to heal, but everytime he seemed to relax, something would trigger him into sitting back up. That smile would return and he would offer to do something — to clean or cook or make himself useful. So Aladdin, Hachi and Jimbei started taking turns sitting with him to calm him down. They seemed to be the only ones who were even capable of doing so, since Koala appeared less frightened of them.
The more time they spent with him — whether they were talking or just sitting beside him as he rested — the less frightened he was. They took the time to introduce themselves to the kid, to show him that they were exactly the same despite the differences in their appearance, and he responded to that.
Tiger watched from a distance, from the doorway or across the ship, as Koala interacted with the Fishmen. Hachi cooked him takoyaki, Jimbei read books with him, and Aladdin dutifully tended to the burn on his back until he could walk without a limp. By the time the Snapper Head docked at the next island, the kid was a little more outgoing, but the shyness and anxiety was still a heavy influence.
He stayed incredibly close to the pirates when they went ashore. Tucked between Hachi and Jimbei, one hand twisted into the leg of Hachi’s pants and hiding partway behind him. His blue eyes swept across each strange face in the crowd that eyed them in passing; and there were a lot of terrified, suspicious eyes following them. Tiger and the rest were used to it, but their ward appeared bothered.
He tugged on the leg of Hachi’s pants, “Why do they look angry?”
Hachi didn’t answer, appearing flustered as he turned to Tiger for help. Jimbei was the one to speak up.
“They don’t know us,” he explained, “which means they’re frightened of our appearance. You were too, remember?”
“Oh.” Koala nodded, turning back to face the front. “Okay. They just need to get to know you then.”
Tiger was uncomfortably annoyed by the comment. No one alive would want to get to know them. The only reason this kid had was because he had no other choice.
Humans didn’t see Fishmen as anything more than creatures to be avoided, hunted and used as slaves. Tiger didn’t have to say that out loud, though. To step on an innocent’s naive misunderstanding of the way the world worked was the perfect way to make more humans hate Fishmen.
So Tiger stayed quiet.
“Hey boss, while we’re here could we take Koala to get some clothes?” Hachi asked, and Tiger turned to look at him, then down at Koala.
Jimbei ruffled his messy hair with a hand, “We should get his hair cut, too.”
“Yeah,” Tiger agreed. “We’ll do that while Arlong and Aladdin are getting supplies.”
“Um!” Koala’s eyes were wide as he clung to Hachi, head tilted back to stare up at the towering pirates. “Can… my hair…”
“Yes?” Jimbei pressed, and Koala’s eyes widened more.
He pressed his face into Hachi’s leg. “I… don’t want it too short.”
“Oh!” Hachi shrugged. “Well that’s fine then, we don’t have to get it cut.”
“We can just brush it to get the tangles out,” Jimbei agreed. “It’s pretty messy. Let’s go get you some clothes then.”
Koala reached up to his hair, frowning. “You don’t have to. That costs money.”
“Most things do,” Hachi revealed, and Koala bowed his head.
“But I don’t have money…”
“We’re going to buy it, obviously,” Hachi patted his head with one hand and his shoulder with another. “You can pick whatever you want, or let us pick it for you.”
Koala fidgeted, nodding, reaching out to cling onto Jimbei and Hachi both as they started walking again. The three of them with Tiger entered the first clothing store they came upon. Immediately Tiger felt out of place, and imagined his two crewmates did as well.
They were too tall for the interior so had to bend over as they maneuvered around the racks and shelves of clothing and shoes. The other people in the store took one look at them and either bolted or hid, dramatically afraid.
Tiger grumbled a little, hands in his pockets. He wondered what on earth the other patrons of the store were thinking, seeing a small human child being followed by three hulking, intimidating Fishmen pirates.
At first Tiger thought they’d get lucky and wouldn’t be interrupted, until a woman clinging to her bag stepped forward. A complete stranger casting a terrified look at Tiger, Hachi and Jimbei before leaning forward at the waist and smiling at Koala.
“Excuse me, young man.”
Koala froze completely, looking at the woman as if he’d been yelled at. Tiger tensed up in response to Koala’s reaction, eyeing the strange women as she shuffled closer.
“Hi, I don’t mean to bother you.” Again she crept closer, casting uneasy eyes to the three Fishmen before lowering herself more to Koala’s level and whispering — as if she didn’t realize Tiger could hear. “Are you okay, buddy? Are these… people, bothering you?”
Koala stared at her, looking notably confused. He looked up over his shoulder towards the three pirates and seemed to comprehend the question finally. “No?” he answered, still appearing confused. “They’re my friends.”
Tiger winced, annoyed at how pleased that identification made him. They were hardly friends with this child. They were just helping him back to his home island. Hachi seemed to take the opportunity to confess as much.
“He’s traveling with us because we’re returning him to his home island.”
The woman coiled away from his voice, looking disgusted and terrified before crouching in front of Koala. “You don’t have to be scared, okay? Just let me know if these… did they take you from your home? I can call the Navy, they’ll be here in seconds, and we can get you home.”
Koala started backing away from her. “They didn’t take me. They’re bringing me home.”
“You don’t have to lie, buddy, I can help you.”
Koala turned and ran between Jimbei and Hachi to reach Tiger, who tensed up even more as he ducked behind his legs.
“We’re not a threat to you, ma’am,” Jimbei said placatingly. “We’re just here to get him a change of clothes.”
“Maybe you can help?” Hachi asked. “Where are the kid clothes?”
The woman stood up and scrambled away, casting them a glare. “Don’t think you can fool me. I know what you are. I’m not gonna let you kidnap an innocent little boy. I’m calling the Navy.”
Tiger watched her storm from the store before focusing on his two crewmates. “That gives us considerably less time. We should hurry.”
Jimbei leaned sideways to meet Koala’s eye. “How about you pick out whatever you like?”
Hachi was looking through a rack of jeans, picking out a pair of khakis and a pair of brown corduroys. “What about these? The brown ones have four pockets! Humans don’t even have that many hands!”
Tiger looked down at where Koala was hugging his leg, staring off to the side with a glimmer he hadn’t seen on his face before. He followed his line of sight to where a dress was displayed on a mannequin, and something clicked together in his mind. He reached out to tap Jimbei’s shoulder and nodded at the dress. Jimbei seemed to understand immediately and turned to another rack, this one of dresses.
“What about one of these?” He asked offhand, pulling a dress out to offer Koala. His eyes widened in interest as Hachi turned to look.
“Find one with pockets!” He said, and Jimbei gave him an irritated look.
“You find one with pockets.”
Hachi returned the jeans to their original spot before standing next to Jimbei, searching through the dresses as if he knew exactly what he was doing. He hummed after a moment and picked out a yellow dress with short sleeves. “What about this one?”
Koala seemed to have stars in his eyes, though he didn’t vocally answer. Hachi hung the dress over his arm and turned again.
“You’ll need a sweater too, and some shoes!”
“What do you think?” Jimbei asked, and Koala nodded.
“We better hurry before the marines show up,” Tiger warned.
They were back on the ship before the hour was up, sailing away as Koala went to change at Hachi’s eager insistence. When he returned Jimbei sat him down to brush out his hair. By the time he was done, Koala looked like a new person.
He seemed a little bit uncomfortable, and at first Tiger worried maybe he’d made an incorrect assumption in choosing a dress rather than pants or overalls like Koala had been wearing before.
Until Koala asked if it was really okay that he keep the clothes. So he simply felt nervous about the fact they had spent money on him. That made Tiger feel a little better, though he sighed when the boy got to his knees and started washing the deck out of anxiety until Jimbei and Hachi insisted he didn’t have to.
That night at dinner, Tiger sat with his arms folded watching the crew eat with Koala, who did seem lightyears more comfortable than he’d been before. He sat straighter after a moment, clearing his throat.
“Koala.” He looked over at him with curious eyes, hopping off his seat when Tiger motioned him to come closer. “Do you like the dress?” He asked when he was close enough, and he smiled, fingers twisting together in front of him.
“Yes! It’s pretty!”
“I see.” He watched him closely, considering his next words before continuing. “Did you dislike it when that woman called you a young man?”
Koala winced, ducking his head to stare at his shoes. He nodded. Tiger hummed.
“So would you like it if we called you a young woman instead?”
Koala lifted his eyes to him, watching him with something like hope. He nodded again, quicker this time. Tiger watched him for a moment longer before turning back to his cup of sake.
“Alright, if that’s what you want.”
“Really?” Koala leaned closer. “It’s okay?”
“It’s your life,” Tiger stated. “If you want to be addressed as a young woman, identify as a young woman, then it’s our job to support that. That’s what you’d prefer?” Koala nodded eagerly, so Tiger shrugged his shoulder. “That’s all we need.”
“You don’t care?” Koala asked.
“We have better things to worry about than the personal pronoun preference of a human girl,” Tiger commented, and Koala appeared delighted.
Then uneasy, frowning at his — at her feet. Tiger felt his eye twitch, irritated by his concern.
“What is it?”
Koala pulled at the sleeves of the pink sweater Hachi had picked out for her, shifting on her feet. “My mom used to say… boys don’t wear things like this, and that wanting to meant there was something wrong with me.”
“You like dresses?” Tiger asked, and Koala poked her fingers together.
“I never felt like a boy… so I thought that meant it was okay to wear dresses, but my mom said it wasn’t.”
“Listen,” Tiger leaned towards Koala. “First, boys — or men — can wear dresses if they want to. Clothing is not gender specific, society just makes you think it is. Second, if you don’t feel like a boy, then you’re not a boy. If you feel like a girl, then you’re a girl. If you don’t feel like either, then you’re neither.”
Koala looked awestruck. “I can do that?”
“Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise,” Tiger commanded. “Your life and your identity belongs to you, not anyone else. What do you want? Who do you think you are?”
“I’m Koala,” Koala said. “I’m a girl and I like my new dress and I want to be called girl pronouns because they make me really happy.”
“And you’re confident in that?” Tiger asked, and Koala nodded furiously. “Then that’s all you need. Confidence in yourself, and the support of the people you care about. You don’t need everyone. Just the people that matter.”
“You matter,” Koala said, and Tiger tensed with his cup at his mouth, eyeing Koala from the side as she stared at him like he was heaven sent. She sat down next to him, smiling. “Did you know? I picked my name for myself.”
“Did you?” Tiger muttered into his cup, and Koala nodded.
“I didn’t like the name my mom gave me, so I decided to change it.”
“Koala suits you better,” Tiger said. “It’s very feminine but very strong.”
“Yeah!” Koala agreed.
She said more, continued on as if she wanted to have a long, detailed conversation about nothing with Tiger. Initially Tiger only called her over to set her pronouns straight, to assess if his assumption about her identity had been correct — which it had been. He didn’t wave her over to have a legitimate conversation with her.
Yet she stayed, talking nonsense and kicking her feet, smiling and sparkling and happier than Tiger had seen yet. She fell asleep with her head on Tiger’s arm, and for a while he allowed it, but he couldn’t shake the burn under his skin, the itch and the way he ground his teeth. There was nothing wrong with it per say, at all, but Tiger couldn’t seem to completely forget the fact this child, innocent, was a human.
Truthfully Tiger had never met a human like this one. It had only taken her a few weeks to integrate into life with the Fishmen, and she seemed better for it. She was happy, and rather than looking at the pirates as if they were creatures, monsters, she looked at them — looked at Tiger — as if they were her saviours. Heroes; and what a strange thing it was. To be viewed as a living being with a soul rather than a thing.
Tiger didn’t hate it, exactly.
He just wished he’d met Koala earlier…
“Hachi,” Tiger called over to the octopus Fishman who was carrying plates back to the galley.
He paused in his steps to look towards his captain, eyes softening when he saw Koala snuggling against Tiger’s side. “Awe, he’s exhausted, huh?” He asked. “He had a really big day.”
“She,” Tiger said, and Hachi flushed.
“She had a really big day,” he corrected, and Tiger lifted his cup to take a drink.
“Get her to bed, if you wouldn’t mind.”
“Oh sure.” Hachi freed up one arm as he came closer, cradling Koala and carrying dishes in his other five hands. “You going to sleep, too?”
“In a minute,” Tiger answered, and Hachi nodded.
“Goodnight then.”
Tiger watched him start towards the cabins, flinching when Koala’s arm slipped to hang. “Don’t drop her,” he snapped, and Hachi cast him a baffled expression.
“I wouldn’t do that.”
“Just be careful.”
Hachi saluted with one of the dirty plates. “You got it, captain.”
Tiger hunched over, pouring the rest of the sake into his mouth and watching until Hachi had disappeared into the cabins.