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You're a lady-in-waiting.
It's not a desirable job, not in the slightest, but it provides what you need it to. You would rather be just about anyone else but this. You were raised as a soldier, as a weapon, as a fighter. Frilly dresses and quiet castles are suffocating prisons for a girl with a heart as wild as yours.
But still, you keep your head down and work like a woman of your era is expected to. You do what you're told. You follow orders and clean things until they're spotless — as if you're trying to scrub your own soul of sins.
Then, everything changes when you meet her.
She's everything you wish you could be, and everything you'll never be. She's free-spirited and speaks her mind. She's not like the other people you've worked for; she's meant to be something more than a member of the royal family. She's meant to be a hero.
She's not like any princess you've ever seen, and the dim burning in your chest blazes like it'll consume you whenever her hands brush against yours.
You continue to do what you've been trained to and keep yourself silent. You lock away your affection and admiration, and you carry on as if nothing is different. But she's stubborn human sunshine, and she'll find a way to drag you into the light no matter what it takes.
She brightens the moon of your heart and makes you shine. She's practically a professional at that — she's mastered the skill of being radiant. The ultimate proof of that is him.
You'll never understand what she sees in him. Frankly, you've never understood what there is to see in any man.
He's definitely one of the most frustrating ones, though. After a lifetime with so many rules imposed on you, obligations and restrictions that control every aspect of your world, it's only natural to be furious. A former thief waltzing into the kingdom and having all his crimes forgiven with relative ease is baffling…and enviable.
There might be some feelings you possess that could never be forgiven if they were discovered, and you're all too aware that he'll never have this type of problem.
The most crushing thing about his presence is the way she melts around him. She loves him. He's here because of her, and she's here because of him.
When you think of it like that, you're always going to owe him for something you didn't know you needed. That only makes you more angry.
Why is it that you're always trying to repay debts you didn't ask for?
When her hair grows into the sun and spills out over her shoulders like rays of light, you realize something new is beginning. It's something you might have caused. Something you shouldn't have caused.
But still, she finds a way to push through. She always does. She doesn't blame you, even though you blame yourself. Things might be easier if she did.
You've never had someone try to protect you like this — especially not someone you're supposed to do that for. You never expected to value your job this much. You never expected to value another person this much.
Whenever you run your fingers through her hair, you vaguely dream of keeping them there forever — of being with her forever. Then, you push it aside and keep moving forward towards reality. There's no time for a lady-in-waiting to make wishes, and there's no room in the heart of a princess for two people.
So why does she treat you so much like him?
Does she even know she's doing that?
You'll never be certain, but it's best to avoid discovering the answer.
She's made you whole, but she breaks you into pieces when you fight. She shatters you. She damages the things she's been fixing in your spirit, and the awful truth makes you grow to resent her.
The moon falls out of place with the sun, and you lose everything you once had.
You were always alone before her, but now that you've felt the warmth of love, you finally begin to feel lonely after you lose your grasp on it. You begin to realize that she's far more important to you than you are to her, even if she keeps denying it.
You hate that you care about her. You hate that you still love her.
Maybe the one you actually hate is yourself.
You don't dare to consider it for too long. You just keep pushing forward. You just keep going. You just keep cursing the world…and your own mind.
And her light keeps dividing your darkness.
After everything she's done, she still claims she cares about you. She still claims she's choosing you. She still wants to save you from yourself.
Your arm aches, but not as much as your soul does. You're so tired of being the second choice, but you're even more tired of fighting against your own joy.
Because of her, you're finally able to rest for the first time. The lost princess frees you, and you come to terms with the fact that you may have been trapped in a tower of your own for all this time. You weren't the one who set down its initial foundations, but piling on more bricks has only made things worse.
You fall apart in her warmth, and when she wraps her arms around you again after everything, you make the decision to give up your battle.
Leaving the kingdom is the best thing you've ever done for yourself. It's the worst thing you've ever done for yourself. It's the only thing you can do for yourself.
After a lifetime of service, you're finally going to protect yourself instead.
Years later, in a little town far from the kingdom, you receive an invitation from an old friend — if you can even call her that. Her handwriting and drawings, words scribbled out with passion that you'll never be able to touch, make forbidden butterflies erupt in your stomach all over again.
You never expected to miss being a lady-in-waiting, but you miss her most of all.
You love her, but she'll never know it.
You crumple up the wedding invitation, glaring at the sketch of his face in a spot that could have been yours, and toss it into the garbage.