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You can do this, Hermann tells his reflection. You’ve programmed Jaegers, you’ve stood up to your father, you’ve drifted with a kaiju, you can do this, of all things.
Strangely, none of those things seem as daunting as exiting the bathroom right now and facing Newton while wearing footie pajamas with rocket ships on them.
Newton has spent a great deal of time encouraging him that he is perfectly comfortable with indulging Hermann’s little side- in fact, he’s rather enthusiastic about it. But Hermann is frozen, worrying against all rationality that it has all been a great elaborate joke to shame and humiliate him.
There is a loud rap at the door. “Hermann? Did the zipper get stuck or something?”
“No,” Hermann says, perhaps a bit too peevishly. “Just give me a moment, will you?”
“Okay, okay.” There’s a quiet mutter, then Newt’s tone changes, going warmer and gentler than he’s ever heard it before. “Hermann, baby? Are you okay in there?”
The edges of the world go soft. Hermann nudges the door open, though he stares at the floor. “H’lo,” he mumbles.
Newt places a careful hand on his cheek and tilts his face up. He’s smiling- not one of his goofy grins, but a sweet, loving smile that makes Hermann’s heart flutter. “There’s my baby,” he says. “You want Oskar?”
“Yes.”
Newt hands him his little stuffed lamb, which Hermann clings to his chest. “D’you want your paci?”
Hermann hesitates a bit this time, then again says, “Yes.”
Newt gently pats his cheek and slips the little blue pacifier into his mouth. “What a sweet baby,” he coos. “I have the most handsome baby boy in the whole wide world, don’t I?”
Hermann flushes, but he finds himself smiling. “Read?” he asks around the pacifier.
“Sure thing, baby. Sit down, sit down! Let me take care of you.”
Newt guides him to the bed and settles him into a pile of blankets and pillows. “What do you wanna read, little guy?” he asks. “What do we have…Good Night Moon, The Little Prince, oh, Guess How Much I Love You is a good one…”
“Frog and Toad. Please.”
Newt pulls the well-worn copy of Frog and Toad Are Friends out of the box of books and smiles. “Cute,” he says, half to himself. “Okay, here we go, Frog and Toad it is.”
Newt is very good at reading stories, especially this one. He reads the book with great drama and uses different funny voices for each character. He grins, big and proud, whenever he makes Hermann giggle.
“Now that’s a good book,” he says when they’re done. “What do you wanna do now, li’l baby?”
“Cuddle.”
“I like the sound of that!”
They lay down, Oskar clutched tight to Hermann’s chest and Newt’s arms wrapped around Hermann’s shoulders. Newt hums softly, rubbing Hermann’s back. Hermann recognizes some of the songs as lullabies, and he feels so small, like Newton could pick him up and carry him anywhere.
“Daddy,” he finds himself whispering against Newt’s neck. Gott, no, no, no.
Hermann sits up, letting the pacifier drop out of his mouth. “I’m sorry,” he says, extracting himself from Newt’s embrace. “I’m- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called you that-”
“Hey- hey, Hermann, no-”
“I understand if- if you want to stop, because of it.”
“No! I mean- Do you want to stop?”
Hermann worries at his lower lip with his teeth, then says, as softly as he can, “No. No, certainly not.”
“Then neither do I.” Newt takes Hermann’s face in his hands and looks at him very seriously. “Hermann, I want to take care of you. I want to make you feel good. If you want to call me daddy, that’s fine by me. More than fine. You’re my sweet baby, you hear me? I’d- I’d do anything for you.”
Hermann can’t help but let out a sob, and he clings to Newt, sliding back into that little headspace, mumbling, “daddy, daddy”.
He can hear Newt humming, and it makes his heart swell.