Work Text:
It was well past midnight, but yet he was kept awake. Maybe something happened earlier in the day that kept him from the sweet relief of sleep. He searched for some other kind of relief. He settled for standing out on his balcony, taking long drags from his cheap cigarette. Watching the smoke extended upwards, extended from between his lips. He wishes he could too.
So focused on this temporary pleasure and relief, the man didn't hear his apartment door open, or the sharply dressed man step out onto the balcony obscuring the light shining from within the lonely one room apartment.
“You shouldn't smoke, it’s detrimental to your health. You also left your door ajar, as if you were waiting for someone.”
He doesn't turn around, he just keeps facing forward, taking a long drag from his cigarette before speaking and breaking the silence, “Maybe I was waiting for you, Zhongli”
The sharp dressed man, Zhongli , takes a step forward, resting a hand on the balcony rail, occupying the empty area next to the man, “It’s still foolish to leave your door open. What if it hadn't been me.”
“If I jumped off the balcony right now, would you save me?” The man asked before turning his head so he was looking towards Zhongli.
“Don’t tell me yo-”
“Just answer the question, yes or no” the man interrupted before Zhongli was able to finish his thought.
“I would.”
“I wish you wouldn't.”
Zhongli looked directly at the man, concern lacing his features as he waited for the man to explain.
The man didn't explain his previous statement, just switched over to a different thought, “Why should I be glad my parents birthed me, why do I owe them for keeping me alive and doing the minimum. Just because they paid for me to go to school, gave me good presents, occasionally remembered my birthday does that cancel out everything else they did…” he takes a break to take another drag of his cigarette, watching the smoke float up before continuing, “I’m not grateful for them birthing me, they choose to bring me into a world…like this one. It’s sick”
The man releases a sigh, before facing forward looking down towards the people walking beneath before picking up on his thought again.
“Look at them, they don't care about anyone but themselves. My parents should have adopted a kid instead, someone who’s already cursed to live in this world. I can't help but wonder what it would be like if I was born to good parents, what would I be like?”
Zhongli took a moment to organize his thoughts before speaking, “You wouldn't be you anymore. All the events that made you who you are would be gone. You would lose everything you have right now and everything you had in the past. Would you really be ok with that?”
“Yeah, it would mean I wouldn't have anymore of those troublesome memories…”
“It would mean you would lose me too, are you fine with that as well?”
The man chuckled slightly, turning his whole body to face Zhongli, “Of course I wouldn't be fine with that…but I’m sure it would be better off for you…”
Zhongli had to once again take a break to formulate his thoughts, the man brought his cigarette up to his lips once again, this time puffing the smoke out vaguely in Zhongli’s direction…
“You would be content with it, as I would have never been in your life. I would also probably be content, as you wouldn't be the you I know. You would lose what made you…you.”
“I know everything that’s happened has made me who I am; but I'd rather it hadn't.”
It was Zhongli’s turn to release a soft, almost silent, sigh.
With the lack of a response from Zhongli, the man took it as an invitation to speak more, “Everything that’s happened to me is my fault. I didn't stop it from happening.”
Zhongli’s response was almost immediate, “You couldn't have.”
“I didn't try to.”
“Wouldn't that have just made it worse?”
The man once again turns back to facing forward, resting his arms upon the railing leaning against it slightly Cigarette still resting lazily between two of his fingers. The cigarette made the man's distress more prominent as the cigarette slightly shook within his grasp.
“You know that’s not the point”
“It should be.”
“...Why do you even bother with me?” the man spoke, his voice trembling slightly as he spoke.
“Why do you bother with me?” Zhongli said, parroting what the man had said, causing slight annoyance to creep onto the man’s features.
“You’re not a bother”
“Neither are you”
“How could I not be? I’m pathetic.”
“How so?”
The man turned his whole body to face zhongli, who remained facing forward with an unchanging expression.
“You know how! I’m a constant mess, constantly whining about this or that, I’m broke, I’m depressed, and hell I haven't even been able to get it up as of lately!” The man’s voice displayed distress mixed in with frustration as his eyebrows scrunched together.
“I am too, well, except for the ‘not being able to get it up’ part.”
He sighed in response, mumbling under his breath, “we would never work…”
Zhongli was aware he probably wasn't supposed to hear that, but he decided to respond nevertheless, “Why?”
“Huh?”
“Why wouldn't we work?”
After hearing Zhongli say this his expression turned to one of shock.
“You weren't supposed to hear that…”
“Well, I did, so if you wouldn't mind answering my question.”
“Well, you're a god, I'm hardly deserving of someone of that high of a status…”
“ex-god”, Zhongli interrupted
“Ex-god, whatever. I don't have the money to support you, or even myself…”
Zhongli once again cut in, “If needed, I could make it so I have a borderline infinite amount of mora. I could request it be added as a part of my 'retirement package’. I didn't really feel the need for such exorbitant amounts of mora before, but if it’s for you.”
The other man seemed to choke on air, sputtering and breaking into a coughing fit. He somehow managed to keep a hold of his cigarette, when he regained his composure his face was clearly flushed. Who knows if the flush was from the coughing fit or Zhongli’s comment.
“Still, I’d be a burden with all my problems and traumas. I’d be a burden to anyone…and I couldn't possibly make you take up such a burden…”
“It’s hardly a burden to me, dear”
The man’s face flushed red and he tugged slightly at his shirt’s collar.
“...I don't think it matters what I say, no matter what it is you're going to say you're fine with it, aren't you?”
Zhongli chuckled slightly, turning his body to face the man now, “You would be correct.”
“You're impossible…”
“Is that a bad thing?”
The man cast his gaze anywhere but Zhongli’s eyes as he mumbled, “I guess not…”
He went to bring his cigarette up to his lips once again, but before he could Zhongli snached the cigarette out of his hand. He threw it on the ground and put it out with his shoe’s heel.
“Why don't you talk to me about what’s weighing on you tonight…instead of your cigarette and head.”
“I guess I will…”