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A piercing cry broke through the air, filling Yeonjun with dread. It was a misplaced dread, not the type that a parent usually felt when they heard their child crying which would make them spring into action, but the type of fear that made Yeonjun curl up even tighter beneath the covers, trying to hide himself away. He was a coward, hiding from his own child. Yet no matter how hard Yeonjun tried, he could not overcome the fear. This scene had occurred over and over again—he knew this routine like the back of his hand.
“Yeonjun!” Soobin called out his name urgently, and the omega tensed at the sound of his mate’s voice. He tried to bury himself even further beneath the blankets of their shared nest, as if he could make himself disappear. “Yeonjun!” Soobin shouted again, the sound of footsteps pounding down the hallway growing even closer.
The door slammed open, and Soobin rushed into the room. The alpha’s scent was beginning to go sour with distress, and the way their pup was wailing did not help at all. When the blankets were torn off of Yeonjun, he was forced to confront the sight of Soobin standing over him with their newborn in his arms. The alpha looked like a complete mess, his hair unwashed and dark bags underneath his eyes from the countless sleepless nights taking care of their child.
“Yeonjun, Dasom is hungry,” Soobin said, the tone of his voice edging on desperation. “She needs you. Please, can you feed her?”
Dasom’s accompanying cry sent a shock through Yeonjun’s body, and it began responding purely on instinct. Yeonjun’s chest ached as he began to lactate, his body preparing itself to feed his pup. Yet Yeonjun remained frozen in place, unable to bring himself to hold Dasom.
“I c-can’t,” Yeonjun’s voice broke, and he internally cursed himself for being so weak. Why couldn’t he even hold his own child?
“Yeonjun, please-” Soobin began, but Dasom’s wail interrupted him. The alpha was forced to divert his attention away from his mate as he attempted to calm Dasom, shushing her and rocking her in his arms. “She can’t survive on bottled milk forever, she needs you to feed her.”
When Dasom refused to calm down and her cries grew even louder, Soobin’s scent spiked with frustration. The smell only served to make Yeonjun even more distressed as he registered that both his mate and his pup were upset. And he couldn’t do anything about it. He was a useless mate and parent.
“I can’t, Soobin.” Yeonjun’s eyes filled with tears, his entire body trembling. “I’m trying, I really am, but I can’t do it. I’m s-sorry.” Dasom started to wail again, and Soobin’s eyes flashed with anger as he glared at Yeonjun. The omega’s blood ran cold, wilting beneath the alpha’s gaze. It was the first time Soobin had ever looked at him like that.
“Fine, be that way!” Soobin snarled, his teeth bared. “I’ll just take care of Dasom. By myself.” Turning on his heel, the alpha stormed out of the room, leaving Yeonjun all alone again.
The tears in Yeonjun’s eyes spilled over as he released a broken sob. He was useless, useless, useless. A worthless mate and parent. He would never be good enough for Soobin and Dasom. Yeonjun curled up on himself, pressing his face into Soobin’s pillow, but not even the familiar scent of his mate could comfort him as he soaked the fabric with tears. Soobin had never talked to Yeonjun like that before, not even when the omega had gotten moody and short-tempered during the late stages of his pregnancy. The alpha had always been patient and kind with his mate. Now, Soobin didn’t even have the patience for Yeonjun anymore, and it was all the omega’s fault.
Yeonjun had thought that parenthood would be fun and exciting—a new phase in his life together with Soobin and now with Dasom. But instead, it was stressful and terrifying. Every day, Yeonjun was faced with the reality that Dasom was a fragile newborn and a single wrong move could end her life. He felt paralyzed with fear, unable to even hold his daughter at times. It meant that Soobin often had to take care of Dasom on his own, getting up in the middle of the night when she cried and feeding her the bottled milk that they kept for moments like these.
But Yeonjun could tell that Soobin was reaching his limit, tired and stressed and worn out from parenting by himself. And Yeonjun was terrified that his mate was beginning to resent him.
As Yeonjun cried into Soobin’s pillow, he became painfully aware of his mate’s absence and lack of effort to comfort him. Logically, he knew that Soobin was busy feeding Dasom and trying to calm her down, but something in the back of Yeonjun’s head kept insisting that he was a bad omega—that Soobin would take Dasom with him and leave Yeonjun without his mate and child.
Would Soobin still allow Yeonjun to see Dasom? Or would he lose all privileges of trying to be the parent that he couldn’t be? Would Soobin still even want to see him? Yeonjun choked on a sob, nearly making himself sick with worry. As Yeonjun gasped for air, he could tell that the air was thick with the bitter scent of an omega in distress. He clung to Soobin’s pillow and whimpered, feeling desperate and scared and alone.
“Yeonjun.” Soobin’s voice broke through the omega’s spiraling thoughts, and Yeonjun turned his head at the sound of his name. The alpha was standing by the bed, looking exhausted and full of regret. “I’m sorry.”
Yeonjun recoiled as if he had been slapped. This is it, he thought. This was where they broke. It was all his fault.
“S-Soobin,” Yeonjun choked out between sobs, “please don’t leave me! I’ll- I’ll try harder, I swear. Just- please don’t go!”
The alpha’s brow furrowed in confusion as he tried to process what Yeonjun was saying. Yet when Soobin finally realized what the omega meant, his lips parted in a gasp. “Oh, Yeonjun—no, darling, that’s not what I meant.”
Then Soobin was there, wrapping his arms around Yeonjun. Soobin’s embrace felt like forgiveness, and Yeonjun began to cry even harder from the sheer relief he felt from having his mate with him again. As sobs wracked Yeonjun’s body, Soobin pulled the omega impossibly tight against him and pressed Yeonjun’s face into his neck—right against his scent gland—in an attempt to soothe him. Yeonjun shuddered as he inhaled the familiar smell of cinnamon and vanilla, reassuring the omega that his mate was finally here with him.
“I’m here, love. I’m not going anywhere. It’s okay, I’m here,” Soobin murmured, stroking Yeonjun’s hair. “I’m sorry for losing my patience earlier. It was unfair of me.”
Yeonjun shook his head as best as he could while still breathing in the comforting scent of his mate. “No, no, I’m sorry,” he babbled, clinging to Soobin like he was afraid that the alpha would disappear, “for being a bad mate, a bad parent. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Soobin. I’m just so scared.”
Soobin pulled away just enough to look into Yeonjun’s eyes. “You’re not a bad mate or a bad parent.” The alpha frowned. “What makes you think that?”
“I just…” Yeonjun began weakly, trying to voice the thoughts that had been plaguing him for weeks. “What if I’m not good enough? What if I can’t care for Dasom in the way that she needs? What if I let her down as a parent?”
“You’re still learning, we both are. No one expects you to be perfect at parenting right away,” Soobin replied, wiping the tears from Yeonjun’s cheeks even as they continued to fall. “But if anyone can do it, you can. Besides, you’re not alone. I’ll be here with you. We’re in this together, remember? Isn’t that what we promised each other all those years ago?” He leaned in, kissing Yeonjun regardless of the salt on his lips.
The omega pressed himself even closer to Soobin, and the alpha went easily, letting his mate take what he needed from him. Their kiss was messy and bitter, but Soobin held Yeonjun through it, washing away the smell of the omega’s fear with his own scent. Soobin’s palm was a steadying presence against Yeonjun’s back, reassuring the omega that he was not alone. After a few moments, Yeonjun took one last shuddering breath before pulling away.
“Dasom?” Yeonjun asked once he had calmed down. Their pup was the first thought in his mind.
“She’s fine,” Soobin reassured him. “She was just hungry. She went right to sleep after I fed her.”
Yeonjun breathed a sigh of relief. “Good.”
“What about you?” Soobin tucked a strand of hair behind Yeonjun’s ear, searching his mate’s eyes for any remaining signs of distress. “How are you feeling?”
“I’ll be okay,” Yeonjun replied honestly. “Just… can you please hold me?”
“Of course.” Soobin cupped Yeonjun’s cheek in his hand, gently tracing his thumb across the omega’s cheekbone. “I’ll be right here by your side, darling. You don’t need to worry.”
The last thing Yeonjun saw was Soobin’s dimpled smile before his eyes fluttered shut, drifting off to sleep in his mate’s embrace.
In the morning, Soobin carried Dasom to where Yeonjun waited in their nest. The omega’s hands trembled as he took the pup from Soobin, and he glanced up at his mate with frightened eyes. Soobin offered Yeonjun a reassuring nod in response, his smile warm. Looking down at their child, Yeonjun found that Dasom was already looking back at him. When their eyes met, she smiled up at Yeonjun, and he realized then that he would do anything for her. Maybe even conquer his fear.