Work Text:
"Do you have a picture?"
The Elders looked at each other.
"A… picture?" Vex questioned.
”Yes,” Debbie said. She didn’t think it was that odd of a request.
”A picture of Negatus?” Vex checked, looking at her with great concern.
It annoyed her, but it was better than Choop, who was looking at her like she was insane. "Why would you want a picture?" The Chief Elder asked.
"Well how am I supposed to fight against him if I don't even know what he looks like?"
"It's more his influence you'll be fighting," Vex piped up.
"Yes," Choop agreed, "I don't believe you'll be fighting him face to face at any point. He rarely leaves his lair for evil purposes; he makes his henchmen carry out any plans."
"Wonder why?" Pressley muttered, and Flowers elbowed him.
Ho-Tan giggled, hiding it behind his hair. Vex caught him though and he apologised.
"Anyway," Choop coughed, moving the conversation back to him. "Debbie, it is unlikely you will meet Negatus in the field."
"But I might," Debbie insisted. "He's the Overlord of this realm, right? The bad guy? What if I run into him - if I don't know it's him, I could end up accidentally helping him!" Most of her time here seemed to be spent helping other people, even when she had other tasks to do. She liked to think that she could spot anything obviously evil, but this place was seriously weird. She could think she was doing something nice, but really be doing something awful, like last week when she'd almost released a load of man-eating birds because someone told her they were endangered.
A concerned murmur rippled through the Elders.
"It isn't impossible," Ho-Tan fretted. "While he does make his henchmen do most of the work, sometimes he does oversee things."
"We don't want Debbie to help him," Pressley hissed, aghast, "even if it is an accident."
"Accidents can happen," Vex mumbled. He looked even paler than usual and Flowers reached over to pat his thigh in comfort.
"Well we don't have a picture," Choop spoke up. "However, he is perfectly recognisable. All Overlords are dressed very oddly; all in black with very little other colour."
"There are no other Overlords in Yonderland," Ho-Tan assured her. "If you meet anybody like that, it is most definitely him."
Choop nodded. "Negatus in particular wears a lot of spikes and uh, leather and such. He also has a big spikey helmet. He's very... distinct."
"He's also got a whacking great 'N' scarred onto his forehead," Pressley added. "So he's recognisable without that stupid helmet on. You'd have to be an idiot not to recognise him!"
"Brother," Flowers chided, as Vex sunk down into his seat.
Pressley flushed. "I wasn't even meaning that! I'm just saying, that's how I clocked him that first time."
Debbie looked between them. "What?"
"Doesn't matter!" Vex said, his voice even more strangled than usual. He was avoiding her eye.
"Oh!" Ho-Tan clicked his fingers suddenly, and Debbie's attention was pulled away from the nervous-looking Elder.
"I know, the wanted posters!"
"Yes!" Flowers said, "he's all over those, isn't he!" Smiling, he squeezed Ho-Tan's shoulder. "Nice work Alfie," he praised, and turned to Debbie. "Yeah, there are loads of wanted posters all over Yonderland. There's bound to be one of him somewhere. He's very wanted."
It was true. Even though she'd only been into Yonderland proper a couple of times, she'd have to have been blind to miss the various wanted posters everywhere. She hadn't seen one for Negatus yet, but she hadn't exactly stopped to look at any of them properly.
"I'll have a look for one next time I'm in town," she told them. "Surely if he's how you say he is, he should be pretty recognisable."
"You'd think," Vex muttered, and then blushed. "A- Anyway, enough about that- I mean him- look, we have an updated list of possible locations for the second scroll."
"Oh yes," Ho-Tan said, delighted, and eagerly dug about in his piles of parchment to produce a map. "I'll get the projector!"
After their business was finished, Elf - who had been sitting reading a book while Debbie had their meeting - escorted her back to the portal.
They made small talk on the way, Elf giving his opinion on which of the scroll locations seemed the most viable. He seemed to have a good enough head on his shoulders, at least, slightly more than the Elders did. She took what he said with a pinch of salt, sometimes - she still had to factor in the fact that he was from Yonderland - but she filed away his explanations to think over.
It was something to ponder when doing the dishwasher later, at least.
"By the way, what was up with Vex back there?" Debbie asked when they'd finished. "It wasn't just me, was it, there was something going on?"
"Oh, that," Elf said. "Well, a couple of months into Negatus's station here - you know, when we barely knew anything about him, just a few whispers that there was a new Overlord in town - we were having a celebration down at the tavern for Ho-Tan's Nameday."
Debbie nodded, preparing herself for a good tale. "Alright."
"Anyway, Prez, 'course it's always him, was last to go home. He was pretty drunk, so Flowers and Vex decided to stay back and keep an eye - y'know, make sure he got home alright."
Debbie smiled. The Elders were all mad as a box of frogs, but they did take care of each other.
"Flowers was alright,” Elf continued, “he's not much of a drinker anyway, but Vex got pretty tipsy, and Flowers was trying to set him up with this guy at the bar that had been flirting with him."
"Wow.'' Debbie blinked. "Vex pulling. Never thought I'd see that."
"Well you haven't seen it, have you?" Elf told her. "You weren't there."
"Neither were you!"
"Never said I was!" Elf shot back, shaking his head at her and her seemingly odd questioning. "Anyway, Flowers gives up eventually 'cause Vex is really bad at flirting. Like, drunk or not, he's terrible. Really funny though. But anyway, Flowers goes to get Prez to take him home, turns back to get Vex and finds him and this guy making out at the bar!"
"Damn." Debbie was impressed. What on earth had happened to change that track? So suddenly, too?
"I know. But then it all went to pot because Prez saw the guy and recognised him."
"Recognised him?" Debbie was confused, then it clicked and she gasped. "Oh my God. Oh h my God you can't be serious, it wasn’t- you can’t mean- surely not?"
Elf nodded. "Oh yeah. Big bad Overlord Negatus with our sweet idiot Vex's tongue down his throat."
Debbie clapped her hands over her mouth. “No. No way.”
"Yup!” Elf chortled, delighting in her despair. “Anyway, they got them apart, Negatus recognised Pressley and realised who he'd just snogged, Prez told vex who Negatus was, and, well. I think from the sounds of it everyone just got really embarrassed and ran away.” “But yeah, we’ve not heard about Negatus leaving his lair much after that. He's always sent henchmen."
"No wonder.” If she was the new Overlord in town she’d be mortified, no wonder Negatus kept to himself. What if it happened again? From the sounds of it, Ho-tan and Choop hadn’t been there at that point, what if he went out again and came across one of them and didn't realise?
She giggled against her hands. How mortified would he be if it happened again? The poor bastard would probably never feel safe trying to pick up anyone from a bar again. She bet Vex would never try again either.
“God, I wonder if the other Overlords ever found out?"
Elf snorted. "I doubt it, since I can't imagine they'd let him live. They certainly wouldn't let him keep his Overlord status, surely, getting your snog on with the enemy," he said. "Unless they thought it was really funny and just never let him live it down. I mean, that's what I would do."
"Same here." Debbie said. "Maybe that's punishment enough in their eyes."
Elf hummed. "Doubt it though. More likely, they haven't a clue. I don't imagine he'll have told 'em. Not willingly at least."
She regarded him carefully. "I'm… I'm not really meant to know that story, am I?" Debbie asked.
"Oh absolutely not," Elf told her, readying Nick. "But I think being the Chosen One should have some perks, right?"
Debbie grinned.
When Elf opened the portal, she gestured to it and said, "Hey, Pete and the kids won't be back for a good couple of hours yet. Fancy coming through a cuppa? I’ve got biscuits, and I’d love to hear more stories about the Elders."
“Sure.” Elf rubbed his hands together, excited to embarrass the Elders further. "Cup of what though?"
"...Tea."
"Oh! Alright then. Lead on."