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Chapter Text

Steve, Robin, Nancy and Eddie open the door of the trailer, the door creaking in a way that makes all four of them wince. 

They look left and right, paranoia making them feel as if something might jump out at them at any moment, from any place, but when nothing happens, they all let out a collective sigh of relief, stepping into the dark space. 

Suddenly, something comes whipping down from the ceiling and Steve immediately sticks a hand out to prevent the others from going any further. His heart hammers in his chest as he does so, knowing that he has put himself in harm's way, but that's his job so he doesn't complain, instead shifts into a fighting stance. 

All of it happens in less than a second, and the protective stand that Steve rigs is second nature at this point, but it proves needless because the thing that caused movement isn't anything life threatening, just a rope made up out of bed sheets. Steve frowns. A rope made up out of bed sheets?

He steps further into the room, sees that the rope is coming through the gate and continues on out the other side, and walks quicker until he's directly under the gate, looking up at normal Hawkins. 

There, he sees Dustin and the other kids. He lets out a slightly disbelieving laugh and the other three join him under the gate and, seeing their saviours, laugh too. It's tinged with relief and hysteria but no one seems to mind, because the kids are laughing too and suddenly everyone is hugging whoever is closest. 

Steve ends up wrapped up in the grip of someone tall and strong and he knows it's Eddie. Eddie, who is the Dungeon Master of his kids; Eddie whom he's gotten close to this past week; Eddie, whose hug makes Steve's heart flutter. 

He's new to the Party, had joined when a girl had quite literally died on his ceiling, but he's adapting well, Steve has to say. Sure he goes hysterical at times but that's normal, he has a right to be freaked out.

When Eddie pulls away, his phantom hold marks Steve like a brand and Steve elects to ignore the feeling because he just doesn't have time to decipher why Eddie's touch makes his heart race, plus he doesn't really want to examine the feeling. 

He instead looks up again to see that the rope is defying gravity, or more, following both gravities at the same time which is really trippy, and is resting on a lumpy, stained mattress on the other side. Steve elects to ignore the stains too, and turns to the other three, stating the order they'll be jumping in.

Robin goes first, jumping through with a squeal and laughing when she hits the floor on the other side, mattress cushioning her fall. Then Nancy jumps through the gate and lands below with a soft 'oof'. Steve watches her give a giggle and Robin helps her get up. His best friend shoots him a thumbs up, letting him and Eddie know that they can jump. 

Steve turns to Eddie and nods up at the rope. 'Alright, Munson, your turn. Up you go.' Eddie frowns and looks down at Steve's waist. 

He hadn't buttoned up the vest and the makeshift bandages Nancy had wrapped around the wounds given to him by the demonic bats of the Upside Down are visible and clearly bleeding through.

Eddie flicks his gaze back up to Steve's face, 'Uh no. Those wounds are nasty, man. You might not be able to pull yourself up. I'll stay back just in case you, like, fall or something.' 

Twin sparks of annoyance and apprehension flare in Steve and make him raise his chin in a prideful, defensive way. Does he really look that weak? He feels like shit, sure, but he's been careful to not show it. The others already have enough to worry about without their fighter, their martyr, losing strength.

Like, he's got little strength left and is slightly woozy, blood loss making him light headed, but it's nothing life threatening and nothing to worry the others with. He doesn't need to be looked after; that's his job: to be the babysitter, to make sure everyone is alright. And he's alright, too. He's fine; always is. Or, at least, he will be fine, in a second, albeit a little slow for a while. 

Steve gives Eddie a look that conveys his annoyance only and nods up at the rope again,

'Get your ass out of here; don't make me tell you again.' Eddie bites his lip, clearly wanting to argue his point further but the glare Steve is giving him makes his courage to say anything fail. He swallows, (Steve watches, mesmerised, as his throat bobs with the action) and mumbles a 'Yeah, okay.' before grabbing the rope and starting to pull himself up.

Steve watches him climb, consciously keeping his gaze away from Eddie's ass, and waits until Eddie is off the mattress after his fall before taking a deep breath, pressing his hands lightly to his wounds to steel himself. He exhales slowly, then grabs the makeshift rope. Each pull up is excruciating, but somehow, Steve doesn't pass out, nor let go of the rope. 

As he falls, he braces for impact, thinking it will make him ready for the shockwave of pain that will surely overcome him. Preparation doesn't help at all.

He gasps as he hits the mattress then groans in agony, feeling as if he's being ripped apart. His sides are screaming and his breaths come in uneven and shaky as he tries to keep tears and moans of suffering at bay. None of the kids need to hear it, and neither do Robin, Nancy and Eddie. Especially Eddie. He doesn't even know the guy all that well, but Eddie thinks he, Steve, is a cool dude and Steve doesn't want to disappoint. 

All that spills from his lips are quiet whimpers but those are quickly muffled against Robin as she helps him stand up, his face pressed against her shoulder as he shakily stands up. 

Everyone looks at him, worry and pity evident in their faces but Steve elects to ignore it, humiliation making his cheeks heat up. He's not weak. He's not. He's fine. They're just overreacting and that's stupid. He doesn't need anyone pitying him.

It makes him uncomfortable to be looked at like that, like he's fragile, so he turns to Nancy and says, voice carefully devoid of any lingering pain, 'Alright, Nance, what's the plan?' trying to get everyone back on track.

However, Nancy doesn't start to speak, doesn't start to share the outline of a plan. Instead, she quirks a brow at him and her lips twitch. Steve frowns, because what's funny about any of this? but Nancy doesn't say anything. Instead Dustin steps up next to her and drawls out, face pinched with revulsion,

'The plan is that you fuck off and never come come back you fag.' Steve's eyes widen in shock and he looks from Dustin to Nancy and back bewildered. 

What? What is Dustin going on about? And anyway, even if Steve was queer, what would be wrong with that? Dustin didn't strike him as the homophobic type, neither did Nancy to be honest, so Steve is at a loss as to what to say. 

He looks to the others for help but he sees similar expressions of disgust on all of their faces, even on Robin's, who is his best friend and Steve knows is queer herself.

'I- what?' Steve splutters, head twisting back and forth to the people gathered, confusion and fear rising in him. 

'You heard,' Nancy says, and she is recoiling from Steve, leaning back and stepping away from him as if he is some sort of monster. 'Freaks and nerds are fine but faggots? We all draw the line there.' Everyone nods and Steve's gaze lingers on Robin who sneers, a warning in her gaze. 

Steve frowns, lost and confused. He's not gay, he likes girls. He says as much. 

The looks on everyone's faces shows him that no one believes him, not even Nancy, the girl he had once loved and given his whole heart to. No one says anything though, nobody but Eddie. Eddie, who had stalked around Steve to get between him and the kids, who now sneers and spits out, 

'Oh really? I've seen the way you look at me. We all have. You know how filthy that makes me feel? That a dirty queer has the hots for me? I've been called one before but at least it's never been true. It is with you.' That isn't true. Eddie Munson is notorious for kissing boys under the bleachers and there are rumours he cruises the bigger cities in order to bed with a boy. Steve's head doesn't care, ignores what he knows in favour of pain, especially when Eddie laughs cruelly, 'You think I'd ever love you? An asshole? Bullshit. You're bullshit. Leave me alone.' 

That shatters Steve's heart into a million pieces. It strikes off everything he's insecure about: not being loved back by the ones he loves most - a fear he has gotten from his parents never caring and his terrible dating history; being an asshole - something he doesn't want to be anymore but which's label he can still somehow never shake; and of course, it all being bullshit. 

Ever since that mean and heartbreaking break up with Nancy he hates the word and it being used in reference to him. And here it is, being used in yet another rejection.

A sob rips itself past Steve's lips without his permission and Eddie snorts with contempt at it but otherwise no one else comments. Because no one cares. They never cared. His only use is being the protector, but they don't want to be protected by him anymore and isn't that the saddest thing ever. 

Steve feels like a blight upon this earth, but he knows that if he were to voice that thought, the others would agree with his thoughts so he doesn't say anything.

He doesn't say anything as they all stalk out of the trailer. He doesn't say anything as Eddie still keeps the kids protectively in front of him, blocking them from Steve using his own body, as if Steve is something they need to be shielded from. He doesn't say anything, although it cleaves his bleeding heart in two. 

Only after they all leave does Steve let himself react. But a Harrington doesn't cry, so instead of feeling the mortification and misery he transforms it into rage and screams. He grabs fistfuls of his hair and screams, his voice ragged and cracking at intervals. 

They've all left him, like he's always known they would and now he's all alone. Still an asshole, despite everything he has done to change; still bullshit.

He can feel his face getting wet, probably from tears, despite everything, but he doesn't care anymore because he's all alone again, and all that love that he has treasured for the past years is gone. Ripped away from him. 

It makes him feel helpless and alone, so terribly alone. A feeling he is all too familiar with. It makes him feel like if he was to just die, die from the wounds he got from the demobats, die from anything at all, then no one would care.

And that's true. His parents never cared, his friends won't care, and Steve has no one else left. He'll die, alone and hurt and heartbroken, and no one will even bother to come to his funeral, if they even bother look for his body. 

If he's being honest, he's always known that this is how it would end and he can't believe he let himself hope.

He's so far inside himself, hateful thoughts clouding all else, he doesn't even notice when the door to the trailer reopens and someone steps inside. 

The voice however, the voice that says a simple "Steven." tears through all, as always, and brings Steve back to the present. It's unmistakable and has always chilled Steve's bones, so far back as at five.

That is the age he had learned to fear his father, and he had never forgotten the lesson.

When Steve looks up, there he is, face looking as if it were chiselled from stone as is his wont, but unlike all other times, it isn't emotionless, but carved with an expression of cold fury. It makes Steve's blood run cold.

It doesn't even cross his mind to question how he's here, Mr Harrington is meant to be on some sort of business trip with his wife, Steve just accepts it. He's lost his friends, and his father would never pass up the chance to make Steve feel small. It makes sense that he'd be here.

He winces, knowing exactly what is to come next, and curls in on himself to make himself smaller and seem less of a target. That just angers his father further. 

'Did I raise a sissy for a son? Straighten yourself and stop crying, you're a Harrington, not a weak girl.' His voice is loud, near yelling already, and Steve is scared of how much this might escalate and how much louder it might get. 

He thinks that his father will go on to talk about how he's a slut, like usual, or perhaps how filthy he is, because he's just crawled out of the Upside Down, but his father brings up neither, at least for the moment, and continues on with what he had just said. 

Mr Harrington's lips twitch down in disgust as he looks down at his son. 'Or do you like it - like acting like a girl? Is that it? It is, isn't it. You like acting like a girl.' Mr Harrington's nostrils flare,

'You're one of those freaks. One of the worst. What are they called? What are they called, Steven, do you know?' When Steve doesn't reply, Mr Harrington waves a dismissive hand, 'Whatever. The whole bunch are freaks.'

Steve flinches but continues his silence, he doesn't ask what his father means by "the whole bunch", absolutely terror-stricken because his father's words have struck a cord in him. 

He does want to be a girl. And that is a way more frightening realisation than him being gay.

His father continues on his rant, nose upturned at his... son? Steve doesn't even know what he (she?) is anymore.

'And you're a state! Look at yourself. Dry those tears away! And for God's sake, what are you wearing? What is that?' Mr Harrington demands, referring to the vest Eddie had thrown at him, "For your modesty, dude." he had said. 

Steve doesn't reply, too scared to speak and absolutely terrified to own up to the fact that it's Eddie Munson's vest, but it seems as if he doesn't need to because the realisation seems to come to Mr Harrington all on its own.

He inhales sharply and grabs Steve by the arm, twisting him to look at the back of the vest. When he sees the Dio design on the back, he sneers and throws Steve's arm away with a shove. 

Steve stumbles but catches himself and quickly turns back to face his father, feeling dread at having him at his back. 

'Am I mistaken,' Mr Harrington says, voice terrifyingly calm, 'Or is that that freak Munson's vest?' Steve wants to deny it, to try and save his skin, but he knows it won't work so he just takes a deep breath and nods. It isn't enough. 

'Is that, or is that not the freak's vest? Answer me, Steven!' Mr Harrington yells. Steve flinches again but replies this time with, 

'Yes, sir. It's his vest.' Mr Harrington stalks forward, 

'And, pray tell, son of mine,' he never refers to Steve as his son. Ever. It's always either boy, or young man, or Steven, and now it seems mocking after his father has called him out on wanting to be a girl. Steve's blood turns to ice. 'Why do you have the freak's vest on you?'  

'I-' Mr Harrington puts his hand up and Steve immediately snaps his mouth shut. 

'Are you a fairy, Steven? Is that what this is? Is the Munson boy your boyfriend?' He spits the last word out with contempt and the look he gives Steve makes Steve want to crawl away and die. 'I thought I raised you better than that. Bad enough you want to be a girl, you also like boys to add to that? And the boy you chose is the Munson freak? Just when I think you can't disappoint me more.'  Rage boils inside Steve, fueled by fear - fueled by absolute terror.

"Raised you better"? He hadn't raised Steve at all! He is a tyrant whenever present, which isn't often at all, and has basically abandoned his only son to the hellhole that is Hawkins without so much as a foreword or goodbye. 

There's only so much fear Steve can go through before it transforms to that familiar anger that has kept him alive throughout every single apocalypse that the Upside Down has thrown his way. There's only so much he can go through, before he gets defensive. 

Both of those emotions swirl inside him as he screams, 'Raised me better?!'

He has never raised his voice at his father. Never dared to, too terrified to say anything but meek replies and agreements to whatever his father has said and it's clear he's taken Mr Harrington aback when he doesn't do the same this time because all the anger leaves his expression to be replaced with pure confusion and shock. Steve feels a little pride at that. 

'You didn't raise me at all! You were never there, you never cared, you never did anything but shout and scream and smash plates, so you can fuck off with your raising bullshit, because you didn't raise shit!' 

This is the first time Steve has used the word bullshit since his breakup with Nancy. It feels empowering to have it back. 

The feeling quickly dissipates into dread, however, when Mr Harrington's face twists into a snarl and before Steve can even process the fact that his father has moved, he can feel the skin on his cheek split. 

His father has slapped him. He has never slapped Steve. Shoved, sure. Sometimes even kicked after he's shoved his son to the floor, but never slapped; the lingering mark on the face too hard to hide. Now, though? Now blood is dripping down Steve's face from cuts on his face, made by his father's rings. 

Steve has to choke back a sob, his eyes burning. 

'You will never speak to me that way again, you freak. Never, you understand? It's bad enough you're a fairy who had crushes on people like Tommy, that weird Byers boy, and Hargrove; it's bad enough that you're dating the Munson freak; it's bad enough you want to be a girl. You will not give me lip. Do you understand, Steven?' Steve casts his eyes down. 

He hasn't realised it until then, but his father is right. He has had crushes on Tommy, Jonathan and Billy, fucking Billy. Before Eddie, there have been more. How many? Steve casts his memory back to previous interactions with boys and, looking back? There have been too many, too many for Steve to not notice his attraction to guys, but that's what Steve has done. He hasn't realised - and this is quite possibly the worst way to. This nightmaresque scene with his friends and father. 

When his father speaks again, however, there's something wrong with his voice. 

'Do you understand what I have told you, Steven?' Steve flicks his gaze up, and then instantly stumbles back. A creature, burnt looking and covered in fleshy vines, is there in place of his father. 

The scenery has changed, too - to a red landscape, four pillars placed like points of a compass on a platform that they are standing on, each with a mutilated corpse except for the last one, and Steve knows, through some sort of sixth sense, that that is where he will go.

'Do you understand what you are now? I know what you are. You cannot hide from me.'

Steve's heart leaps into his throat. If someone he doesn't even know knows all of this Steve doesn't know how his friends haven't realised that Steve's a queer sooner. Something worse than a queer.

And what if other residents in Hawkins have? He can already feel their judgemental looks, now that he knows they'll be there.

Vecna seems to read his thoughts as if he has spoken them. 'I won't judge. Just join me. Join me, Steven. Help me take over the world.'

In hindsight, Steve now thinks it would've been a good idea to notify his friends that he's seen the clock. He saw it right before jumping into the lake, heard it chime. He hadn't told anyone though, not wanting to bother them, to make them worry, but now he might die and his death might bring about the end of the world. Not ideal. 

He thinks back, wondering if he's ever even told anyone what his favourite song is, but it comes up blank, Steve too panicked for memory to work properly. He swears under his breath, sagging slightly, an admission of defeat. He'll die here, the last piece of Vecn's puzzle.

That's when it clicks. Contrary to popular belief, Steve isn't stupid. He can actually be very smart and perspective if he wants to. 

Vecna wants to take over the world but he can't, not yet - for some reason. To fix this, he's been opening gates using sacrifices to strengthen his ability perhaps, or to make a mega gate using the smaller ones, and four is an important number, there is north, east, south and west, it's also how the pillars are placed. Therefore, he only needs one more sacrifice to take over the world. And that sacrifice is Steve. 

His heart starts racing faster than ever before. 

Vecna's expression turns angry but grudgingly impressed. 'Yes. That is true. People call you stupid, but you're not. You're really not.' He stalks forward. 'Unfortunately, your time is at an end. It won't be painful, though. Just don't struggle.'

Steve starts to step backwards, away from the creature stalking towards him but his back hits his designated pillar and he knows he's screwed. 

At least it's him and not Max, is one of his final thoughts before Vecna's clawed hand inches towards his terrified face. At least it's no one else. His job as martyr and sacrifice will finally be complete. He's kind of glad the weight of that responsibility will be off his shoulders. 

Steve turns to Nancy clearly intending to speak, but no words leave his lips. Eddie frowns and is about to comment when Nancy gasps and pales.  

She turns frantically to Robin and cries, 'You're his best friend Robin, what's Steve's favourite song?!' There's no reason for Nancy to utter that sentence right at that moment unless Steve is getting Vecna'd. Eddie's heart drops like a stone to his stomach.

Robin's eyes fly wide and she turns to look at Steve to see his eyes rolled up to the back of his head, only whites visible and the very bottom of his irises. 

She lets out a frustrated shout, pissed that Steve hadn't said anything and clearly unable to remember his song under pressure. The kids are panicking now too, yelling out Steve's name and demanding tapes, anything that they can play to get Steve out of his Vecna trance; Max is clutching her walkman, mouth open in horror, the only tape on her person Kate Bush's Running up that Hill. 

Erica has stormed out of the room to what she guessed rightly is Eddie's, most likely to look for the tapes, and the rest quickly join her, even Max who has been shaken out of her terrified paralysis by Lucas.

But all Eddie owns are tapes which none of the others recognise. Robin shifts through them, searching for anything familiar shouting out, 'Madonna, Blondie, Bowie, Beatles- Music! We need music!' and Eddie, as terrified as the rest of them although he doesn't know Steve half as well, shouts back an offended, 'This is music!'  

The panic and fear mount until Eddie feels the need to rip his hair out, but before he can, Robin perks up and cries out, 'Daughters of Eve! Daughters of Eve, do you own a tape of Daughters of Eve, please tell me you have Hey Lover by Daughters of Eve, Eddie please-' Eddie scoffs, the noise bordering on hysteria, 

'Why the fuck would I own a tape of Hey Lover?! Are you joking?! That is so anticlimactic to everything else-' Robin let's out a sob of frustration,

'That's Steve's favourite song, Eddie! What do you mean you don't have a tape? We need it, please!' she begs as if it will make the tape appear in Eddie's possession. 

It doesn't. Eddie doesn't own a tape of Hey Lover. However he has something else. He stalks to the corner of his room where an acoustic guitar sits. He shouts over his shoulder, 'I don't have a tape but I know how to play it!' and grabs the guitar, running out of the room to the living room with everyone else hot on his heels.

Eddie sits down on the pull out couch and puts the guitar over his knee, strumming a few warm up notes. Robin runs up to Steve and grabs him by the shoulders, trying to push him down as he starts to float, but she fails and he starts to rise anyway. 'Start playing, then! God, Eddie, please!' 

Eddie clears his throat and starts to play the opening notes to the song - they sound slightly weird as it is played on an acoustic guitar instead of a synth set, but nobody complains, just praying that it will work. 

They hadn't really expected Eddie to sing however, so when his slightly raspy, from shouting, voice starts to fill the room, albeit slightly shaky, they all turn to look at him, but he steadfastly ignores the stares and instead focuses on playing and singing the song right.

Hey, hey, hey lover
You don't have to be a star
Hey, hey, hey lover
I love you just the way you are

And oh the irony. The irony that Eddie is singing this song right now, for Steve. The thought makes Eddie's cheeks heat up but he doesn't falter over his notes or lyrics. 

He knows this song like the back of his hand, it had been his mother's favourite before she died and young Eddie had done everything to remember her. He knows the lyrics and he knows exactly what this will feel like as he sings to Steve.

He knows it will feel like serenading and that he'll see his opinion on Steve in the words.

And maybe, just maybe, the fact that the song is from a lover's point of view about acceptance of the other is why this is Steve's favourite- but that's kind of projecting and wishful thinking so Eddie shuts off that trail of thought real quick. 

In fact, he attempts to shut off all of it, trying to focus solely on the song. 

That fails, however, when his theory that he will see himself in the words proves true when he sings,

For love is just the same
Without fortune or fame

Because it's true - because Eddie doesn't care about money and reputation. Steve could be a beggar for all Eddie cared. Fuck, Eddie himself has neither money nor fame, unless you count infame which Eddie doesn't. 

Just give me true love and understanding
True love and understanding

He means every word he sings.

Hey, hey, hey lover
You don't have to be a king

And Steve doesn't; King Steve had been Steve but not one Eddie had particularly liked, and him now, being himself, is way better. Eddie loves him like this more than Eddie ever loved King Steve. 

And oh yes, Eddie loves Steve, this isn't just a mere crush or fleeting infatuation. He's come to terms with this a while back when he realised, oh wait, having a crush on Steve because he's hot is good and all but he's also a good dude. 

And now, Eddie has more than a crush on Steve, and although it terrifies him, although it terrifies him to his very core, he wouldn't do anything to change his feelings, even if he had the choice or possibility to.

Hey, hey, hey lover
You don't have to have a thing

And if that isn't an indirect way to say that although Steve isn't a girl, Eddie loves him anyway, then Eddie doesn't know what is.

Because although Steve has a dick, not a pussy, Eddie loves him. And if that makes him a freak, then so be it. Steve is beautiful and Eddie loves him despite what they both are.

For I'll be satisfied
Long as you are my guy

He will. Steve can be anything he wants to be, anything at all and Eddie will still love him, because nobody is perfect and Eddie likes that. The perfectness in imperfection. 

Or, in the family of Harringtons' case, the imperfection in perfection. Picture perfect family has an underachiever son who, instead of going to college, works shit jobs for shit wages. 

But that's okay. Eddie loves that part of Steve too, because Steve stayed for the kids and Eddie isn't the smartest himself, he's failed to graduate twice already after all. 

Steve can be anybody he wants; Eddie will love that person with his whole heart. 

Just give me
True love and understanding
True love and understanding

For the rest of my days
No, you don't have to worry
Life's a problem in my hands
But if you really, really love me, in my heart you'd be a big man

Hey lover won't you treat me right?
And be with me tonight?

It's known how shit Steve Harrington's love life is. It's known in all of Hawkins. The boy who goes from bed to bed but can never settle, doesn't know what he wants.

Eddie knows that he loved, probably still loves, and he ignores the hurt that the thought brings with it, Nancy. Knows that the break up was very messy, something to do with a party and a drunk Nancy severely hurting Steve's feelings and them only breaking up ages later, but Steve still loves her anyway, his heart too big for his own good. 

Steve deserves someone who can treat him right and, selfishly, Eddie thinks he won't find that with Nancy, but that Eddie could do it, that Eddie could look at Steve and all of his fractures and breaks that he's sure to have after going through this shitshow four times now although he hides them well, and love him anyway, help him heal as he himself heals too. He thinks he can, although he's never been in a loving relationship with anyone ever.

Just give me true love and understanding
True love and understanding
For the rest of my days

No, you won't have to worry
Life's a problem in my hands

And isn't that right because Eddie's life is a shitshow, but he manages and he can help with Steve's shitshow, too - wants to, wishes he could. And it's too much to hope, but it's a wish, and Eddie will keep on wishing until the end of time.

But if you really, really love me, in my heart you'd be a big man

Hey lover won't you treat me right?
And be with me tonight?
Just give me, true love and understanding
True love and understanding

And when he plays the last chord, Steve who had been ominously suspended in the air just like Chrissy had been, drops, (everything still intact) and Eddie abandons his guitar in favour of rushing over and kneeling next to Steve's crumpled form.

Steve's breaths are coming fast and shallow and his eyes are haunted and absolutely terrified. When he sees Eddie kneeling beside him, he throws himself at him, arms wrapped around Eddie's chest, face resting on his shoulder, sobbing into it, making the fabric of the shirt Eddie is wearing damp. 

Eddie's shocked, and so is everyone else. Not only over the fact that Steve's hugging Eddie, Eddie of all people, but that he's sobbing. They have never seen Steve cry before, none of them, not even Robin, his best friend. 

It's jarring to see Steve like this, to say the least. He's clearly shaken by whatever Vecna had shown him and when he starts to murmur, Eddie can near not discern anything, but he does, and what he hears makes him suck in a breath and hold Steve tight.

It's a repetitive, 'I wanted to stay, I nearly didn't run, I wanted to stay, I nearly didn't try, I wanted to stay-' repeated like a mantra between body-wracking sobs. Eddie holds Steve close and thinks of what to do.

He's never been good at comforting people but he doesn't want to move Steve, unsure how he'll take it. He looks to Robin, pleading with his eyes to help him but all she does is give him an encouraging smile. 

It's watery though, and Eddie can see that he isn't the only one who can make out Steve's terrified and guilty muttering. Looking at Nancy and the kids, he can see that they too have discerned what Steve is saying, too.  

Nancy has her face turned to the side, but Eddie can hear her sniffles, and see the hand she has brought up to her mouth. 

Dustin has tears freely streaming down his face, clearly distraught to see the boy he sees as a brother like this, saying things like that, and Max, who never cries, like Steve, has tears in her eyes, threatening to spill.

Lucas is hugging her from the side, a broken expression on his face, and his little sister Erica has dropped her perpetually annoyed expression to something devastated. 

Clearly, everyone here loves Steve. And here is Steve, saying he almost gave up. If he had, he would have died and everyone here would witness the brutalness of if and despite all of what these guys have apparently gone through, Eddie knows that this they would've never recovered from. 

So he holds Steve tighter still and runs a hand through his hair, telling him that he's safe now, that Vecna's gone, that he's with friends and that they're all so glad he hadn't given up. All so proud of him. 

Slowly the sobs subside and Steve regains control of his tears and body. He inhales sharply, it's very shaky but he seems to ignore the tremor in it, and pushes himself off of Eddie. 

He wipes the tears away, puts his face in his hands, seemingly counting to ten, and then he gets up. When he straightens, the vulnerable Steve is gone, and what Eddie now realises is guarded Steve is back. 

'Robin, I need to speak to you,' he announces, voice thick from the tears. He seems to hear it because he clears his throat and flushes red.

Steve hasn't looked at anyone but Robin, who is still on the floor, like Eddie she had thrown herself to help Steve's crumpled form, and doesn't seem to notice the tears of everyone else in the room.

Robin takes a deep breath and nods, getting up. Steve offers her a hand but she doesn't take it, which makes Steve's lip curl down, clearly a bit upset, but only Eddie seems to notice. 

She nods in the direction of Eddie's room and Steve nods, trudging after her.

Eddie watches them go, still on the floor, his filthy shirt wet with tears. 

The first thing Steve does when they enter what seems to be Eddie's room, is close the door and lean back against it with a laboured exhale. Then, he looks at Robin, a shaky smile on his face.

'Hey,' he says, voice cracking. Embarrassing. He tries to try again but before he can Robin is wrapped around him in a hug, sobbing.

Immediately, Steve descends into babysitter and good friend mode and starts to comfort her; it's nice to forget about his own problems to help others. 

It's also nice to know that his friends leaving him for being queer was just a Vecna vision. Which brings him to why he brought Robin here, but it can wait, Robin clearly has something going on. 

'I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm crying, you're the one who got Vecna'd and nearly died.' Steve stops that train of thought the second she utters it.

'No. No, Robin. You have every right to cry. Someone nearly died a gruesome death in front of you, and that person is your best friend. Cry all you need to.' 

He purposely avoids using the word "I". This isn't about him at all, and he knows that. Robin needs to be comforted, not forced to think about Steve's problems.

'I nearly forgot what your favourite song is. Eddie didn't have a tape either. We nearly lost you!' she cries out, through her tears, sobs making her speech garbled. Steve grips her tighter then pushes her back a bit so that he can lean his forehead against hers, forcing her to look into his eyes. 

'It's alright. I'm fine, okay? At least it wasn't Max again. Or any of the other kids. Or you, or Nance, or Eddie. Fuck, I don't know what I'd do.' Robin shakes her head as well as she can with their foreheads being pressed together.

She clearly doesn't like his answer but Steve cannot fathom why. It is better that it's him, not one of the others who has gotten Vecna'd. 

It's his job: to be the disposable one. He's the one that takes the hits so no one else has to. That's the whole reason he's here. Steve cannot, for the life of him, figure out what about that is bothering Robin. 

He does all he can to keep the rest of the party from harm and they all know that. Steve doesn't see the problem with it, either. He's the self anointed protector of this team. 

He doesn't say anything else about the topic though, because Robin isn't crying anymore and he doesn't want to make her cry again. 

'Anyway, I didn't drag you here to talk about Vecna. Well, I am, but as in, he sent me into a gay crisis.' Robin looks absolutely mortified, and Steve's heart plummets. No. No, no, no, this is Vecna again, Robin isn't homophobic, this is some sort of-

'The weird fleshy monster Max told us about? Steve, what the fuck?!' Steve goes bright red and groans. How could she take that out of what he said? Actually, never mind. Steve's wording was admittedly a bit weird. 

'No, Robin! That's not what I meant! I mean he pointed out that I'm gay, not that I like him! What the fuck?' Robin is clearly relieved and she laughs, but she is still clearly finding the thought hilarious. Steve rolls his eyes. He can't with this girl sometimes. 

'Oh. Right. Sorry,' she gets out, slightly out of breath, after she stops laughing. Steve shakes his head, but he's smiling, so Robin can clearly see he isn't angry nor annoyed. 

'But what did you mean?' she asks, clearly curious, 'You like girls, like, a lot. You've made that very clear. You can't be gay.' 

Steve groans and runs a hand through his admittedly already messy hair; because he does like girls. He's always liked girls. And he loved Nancy, so he doesn't understand how he can be gay, either, but he can't deny that he was attracted to all of those boys and has a crush on Eddie now. 

It still doesn't make sense though, unless... Unless all Steve has ever felt at girls was envy? Jealousy that they are girls and he's a boy? But no, he knows jealousy, it doesn't feel like that. 

He's so confused he's honestly about to share his inner turmoil with Robin so that she can help him figure it out but he stops himself just in time. Robin's a lesbian, that doesn't mean she'll accept him being.... whatever he is. He'll keep that part of Vecna's vision out of his summary.

Keeping that in mind he says, 'I mean, I like girls, I do, and I loved Nance, once, but I have liked boys before, Vecna pointed it out to me, in some sort of twisted way of his,' Steve lowers his voice even lower than it already was as a precaution as he admits out loud, 'And he pointed out that I like Eddie now-' before Steve can continue, he's interrupted by Robin who let's out a squeal that can definitely be heard by their friends outside. Steve clamps a hand over her mouth.

'Shut up, Robin! Jeez,' he mutters, before continuing. He knew she'd react like that, so he's going to ignore her interruption. 'Anyway, the way he showed me is basically you guys all calling me slurs, starting with Dustin and it went from there, with Eddie pointing out that I've been staring at him which, okay, fine, guilty, but he was being real mean about it.

'Then Eddie was basically shielding the kids from me like I was some sort of monster and that fucking hurt, and they left and I was upset and then my father came in,' Steve shudders and he can feel Robin's mouth twist down under his hand. 

He looks at her, having turned away during his admissions and sees her supportful but sad expression. Robin understands his fear, of people finding out that she's queer and being homophobic, has it herself. Steve hugs her and she hugs back. 

He's never spoken so freely about his trauma and fears before, with anyone. It's freeing. He hopes that this is how the kids feel when they confide in him. It's a nice feeling. 

Then he remembers the secret he's planning on keeping and the whole thought turns sour.

She sniffles and gives a small smile, 'You don't have to tell me what happened with your father if you don't want to, Steve.' Wow, she's thoughtful. Steve doesn't deserve a friend like Robin at all. 'I understand that the fact Vecna used him means he isn't the best. That's all I need.' Steve smiles at her, but replies with,

'I know, but I need to get this off my chest. He recognised the vest. Eddie's vest. He called Eddie my boyfriend and me a fairy and then said that he "raised me better" and I snapped,' all of this is spilling out of Steve at a rate worthy of Robin and Robin just nods throughout, not wanting to interrupt but offering support.

He knows full well he's skipped a crucial and long part of the story and is giving a terribly washed down version of events but he carries on regardless, trying not to feel guilty as Robin looks at him with eyes that earnestly thank him for sharing his darkest secrets with her.

'I started shouting at him and then he slapped me,' Steve puts a hand to his cheek, where the phantom pain resides. The wounds aren't present, given to him in his mind as they were, but Steve can still feel where the skin had broken. 

'His rings split my skin. And then he pointed out my old crushes, the ones I had on Tommy and fucking Billy and, embarrassingly Jonathan,' Steve snorts, his cheeks pink, 'Not that he's a bad guy, he's just my ex's current boyfriend whom I called a slur when I was still a douche, which I still regret, by the way, so it's kind of.... you know.' 

Robin nods, not mad that he'd once called someone a slur, clearly forgiving it as the past, just like King Steve is the past, mirth shining in her eyes at his admission. She is so going to tease Steve about Jonathan later, but right now all she says is,

'You can like both, Steve, it's called bisexuality. It's not all black and white, gay or straight. You can be in between.' 

It's simple, what Robin has just announced, but to Steve it feels like his world has been flipped upside down, which is ironic because he's just left the literal Upside Down. 

You can like both. Both. You can like both. This is... life changing. He doesn't have to choose, there's nothing wrong with him. But then that thought sours, too. There is something wrong with him: he wants to be a girl.

His lower lip quivers slightly and he bites it to make it stop. He grins stupidly, to cover it up. Because he's relieved at figuring out his sexuality but the "I want to be a girl" thing is still hanging over his head and it takes nearly all of the consolation out of her words. He ignores all it and whispers under his breath, 

'Bisexuality. Yeah. I'm bisexual.' When he looks at Robin again, his eyes are shining, as much with tears of happiness as ones of sadness, but he needs to carry on with his story, so he does.

'Anyway, then Vecna himself appeared, and we were in his mind lair.' Steve's expression turns broken as he continues and Robin sobers up and her expression hardens.

'He asked me if I understood all that he'd shown me and then told me to join him. That it'd be quick,' Steve swallows, clearly not enjoying remembering. Robin reaches out and squeezes his hand with one of hers and gives a reassuring smile. Steve pushes on, holding onto her hand tight.

'I figured out what he's planning, Rob. Vecna can't get to Hawkins right now, maybe he's too weak, maybe he can't come through the current gates, but he's trying. Each person he kills, Chrissy, Nancy's journalist friend, Patrick, helps him in either gathering strength or making stronger gates, I don't know which one. Maybe both. All he needs is one more. 

'His base has four pillars and one is still empty, still needs a sacrifice. When it gets it, Vecna will succeed. He'll take over the world.' 

Robin seems to mull this information over. She's silent for a second, then she says, 'We need to tell Nance.' Steve outright chuckles at that because, duh they need to tell Nancy, she's the brain of the group.

He conveys this with a look that Robin understands because of course she does, and she swats at him with her free hand, laughing out a 'Shut up!' to which Steve replies with, 'I didn't even say anything!' and it efficiently lightens the mood, despite the secret stain on Steve's heart.

They leave the room, planning on exposing Vecna's plan to the others, but just as they are about to join the rest of the group, they hear the tail end of the conversation they had been having. 

It's Eddie that's speaking, and what he says makes Steve wrack with guilt. 'It was my mother's favourite song,' he's saying and the melancholy nostalgia in his voice, alongside the knowledge that Eddie has lived with his uncle for quite some time, tells Steve all that he needs to know to make him feel like a piece of shit to add to everything else. Eddie's mother is dead or long gone in some way, and Eddie had to play her favourite song to save Steve.

Robin sees Steve's smile crumple before he replaces it with a stone mask and she squeezes his hand again. Steve squeezes back, but then pulls away.

Robin sends him a worried glance, their friends too engrossed in their conversation to notice them, but Steve ignores it and carries on walking.

They make themselves known, by stepping into everyone's line of vision and Robin clearing her throat. 

Everyone looks up at the sound and when they see them, they give Steve reassuring smiles but he ignores every single one, looking directly at Eddie and then down, glancing to the side as he says, 'I'm sorry. For, you know, making you sing the song. Your mother...' 

Steve can hear Eddie jump up from where he had been sitting and, a second later, can feel a hand on his shoulder. It makes Steve hot all over and he has to clench his fists to prevent himself from pulling away. 

It's too much and too little at the same time; a show of affection but not the attraction Steve yearns for, however he knows that isn't fair on Eddie and that he's overreacting, it's just a hand on his shoulder, so he stays still and quiet under Eddie's touch.

'Hey, it's alright. This isn't the first time I've played it; it helps me remember her. You're good. And even if it hurt, it was the only way to save you, so I'd play it anyway. I'll play it a hundred times over if I have to. We don't know when Vecna might strike again, you know?' Steve looks at Eddie then, to see red splotches on both his cheeks. 

His last sentence had been stammered out, almost as if in afterthought or as a backtrack, but Steve doesn't understand why Eddie would need one. There's nothing embarrassing about his previous sentence, nothing wrong with wanting to help others. 

That's when it hits him. Eddie's not embarrassed of what he said, not embarrassed of helping someone; he's embarrassed to have helped him. Steve. Ouch.

'Yeah, no. True. Thanks. But, uh, I'd rather we get me a Walkman.' Eddie gives him a lopsided grin, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. Why? Why doesn't it reach his eyes? Has he figured out Steve's secret? He swallows, pushing the thoughts down.

'Me too, don't want to lug this around with me.' Eddie picks up the guitar and caresses it, 'Also, don't want her to get hurt. She's not my number one sweetheart, but she's a close second.' 

The gentle way Eddie handles the instrument makes something flutter inside of Steve. He can admit, although he isn't a musician, that the guitar is impressive - it's made out of a beautiful dark wood (mahogany?) and it's obviously well taken care of - but the gentle but firm grip Eddie has on it would make you think that it's the most precious thing in the world.

Steve wonders if Edde looks after his partners in the same way. Then immediately shuts that train of thought down, attempting to bury it down somewhere deep where he won't have to look at it. 

He fails and the thought lingers in his mind, but Steve ignores the turmoil inside of him (he's gotten good at ignoring things he doesn't like to think about) in favour of Dustin, who has grabbed Steve's hand.

He looks down, damn this kid is short, only to see a heartbroken expression on the boy's face. 

Immediately, Steve goes into babysitter mode, eyebrows furrowing in worry and mouth opening to ask an 'Are you alright?' but before he can say anything, Dustin lets go of his hand and hugs him. Steve is so taken aback he's rendered speechless. 

'Don't ever do that to me again, Steve. Ever. I wouldn't survive it if you died, okay? Happy? I've admitted it. Don't scare me like that. I don't want grey hair at fucking eighteen years old.' Dustin chokes out, muffled by Steve's chest. Steve's eyes start to burn and he pets Dustin's hair absentmindedly as he murmurs back, 

'Yeah, of course, Dustin. Wouldn't dream of it.' He can hear Dustin sniffle against him and starts to let out soothing sounds, hugging him closer to his chest. Everyone else stands around in silence, Robin wiping her eyes at the scene in front of her and Dustin's words whilst Max has a soft expression on her face, almost wistful, as she watches the display of affection. 

Steve realises it's probably because her brother never did this with her, and this is a very sibling-like thing to do. It makes him feel even more like shit, doing it in front of her, but he can't let Dustin go at his most vulnerable so he swallows the bile rising to his throat and holds him closer, trying to drown the feeling.

Soon enough, Dustin detaches himself and wipes his nose with his arm, giving a few final sniffles. 'Sorry, I'm just glad you're okay.' Steve gives what he hopes is a smile, and not a grimace, and pats Dustin's shoulder,

'It's alright, Henderson. I'm glad I'm alright too.' He turns to the others, 'But we need to stock up on Walkmans and tapes just in case this repeats. We can't be caught unawares again. I'm sure Eddie can't play every song under the sun; we need to be ready.' Everyone nods and are about to disperse but then Robin speaks up.

'Hey, uh, Steve? Don't you want to share with the class what you learnt?' she says eyebrows lifted meaningfully, giving him a jokingly reprimanding look. Steve perks up and laughs, embarrassed. 

'Oh. Yeah. Uh, I think I figured out what Vecna's planning.' 

It takes a while to explain everything to the rest of the group, but when he's finished everyone looks thoughtful, trying to decide on a course of action, and Max whispers, 'He confirmed it?' Steve turns to her. 

She looks terrified by what Steve has said and it's probably because she's still cursed, still a target. Vecna might attack her again and it might bring about the end of the world and that is not something a kid should have to deal with. Steve tries for a reassuring smile, but his words don't exactly match up with his expression,

'His exact words were, "Yes. That is true." Like I said, he must've looked into my head because I didn't say anything but he knew what I was thinking.' 

Max nods silently, then covers her ears with her headphones again, trying to lose herself to the music. Lucas puts an arm around her shoulders, tentatively, unsure if he's allowed, but when Max melts into his embrace, he smiles, and holds her tighter. Max gives a small smile too and tries to hide it against Lucas' side which Steve finds endlessly cute.

He's glad they're happy together and their relationship is exactly why Steve will make himself a target for Vecna if he has to. He won't let Max get hurt ever again and if that means entering the crossfire then so be it.

A loud clap startled Steve out of his thoughts. It was Nancy, who now looks slightly sheepish, but there's a sparkle in her eyes that tells the group that she's thought of something.

'Okay, so. What Steve said, about needing Walkmans? He's right. We need to get some but we can't go home to get our own so me and Robin will go buy some since I can drive and she has no obvious ties to Hellfire and then we'll meet you guys up at Steve's, since it's empty. Sound good so far?' 

Steve voices his affirmation that they can use his house since his parents are, in fact, not home like Nancy had assumed and it's safe to go there. Others nod their approval for the plan.

Robin however, lets out a squeak which makes everyone turn to her. She goes pink but her shocked face doesn't change. Steve furrows his brows at her in question.

'Are you mad? I can't go in and buy- When I get nervous, I ramble! Steve can literally tell you, my mouth starts to move and I talk and I can't stop - plus, I just can't act. If you send me, I'll act and look so suspicious. The shop owner will arrest us as suspects! They'll think we're in league with Eddie, which we are, actually, so they won't be wrong, and everything will be over, and me and you will go to jail!' 

She says all this whilst looking helplessly at Nancy but it's Steve that moves to comfort her, as a good best friend should.

He hugs her and murmurs, 'You'll do fine, Rob.' and a bunch of other reassurances until she relaxes, admittedly a few minutes later, then holds her at arms length and smiles. She smiles back then nods to herself, giving herself a pep talk,

'Okay, sure, fine. I've got this. I'll go in and buy the stupid walkmans and no one will get suspicious.' She looks up to find Nancy's eyes, only to find them already on her.

Robin blushes slightly at the eye contact, which Steve reminds himself to tease her about later, and then frowns and says, 'Do we even have a car?'

They had split up at one point during their sneaking around Hawkins, whilst navigating the route to Steve's by foot. Nancy and Robin had broken off to get Steve's car from where they had last left it, and the rest of the gang had carried on to their destination and are now laying low at Steve's. 

Before the girls had gone shopping, the rest of the plan had been established: wait for the Cali gang to get to Hawkins with El before trying to defeat Vecna. 

It had been Steve's idea. Nancy had stated that they should attack Vecna as soon as possible but Steve had argued that it would be suicide to do so; the only reason they had ever had a chance against the Upside Down is because El had been with them, and she isn't here now. 

Nancy had begrudgingly agreed but said that for all they know Mike is still enjoying his vacation and their friends in California don't even know what is happening so Steve had proposed calling them. 

They had used Eddie's corded wall phone, Max having El's home number memorised, and waited, but when no one picked up on the tenth go, they had given up and agreed to perhaps try again at Steve's because Steve is loath to put anyone in danger by attacking Vecna without the "superhero girl" as Eddie had so tactfully described her.

So now here they are, gathered around Steve's corded phone this time around, and waiting anxiously for someone to pick up. It's futile. The phone doesn't stop ringing. Steve slams it back into place. 

'Something has happened to them,' he announces and immediately everyone gropes to say that maybe they are just out having fun. 

The clamour is deafening and Steve winces, about to yell at them to make them shut up, when his walkie talkie, which Dustin had gifted him after the third Upside Down fiasco, started to crackle. Everyone turns their heads at the sound.

From the device a garbled voice starts to emit and Steve frowns, setting it up and changing the walkie talkie to a different channel. Immediately, the voice is clearer. It's El's.

'He-y guys, ca-n you hear me?' she says, the speech cutting off at times. Everyone immediately scrambles forward towards the coffee table. There's some illegible speech on the other side and then El says, 'Over.'

'Hey!' Dustin cries out, as soon as she finishes her transmission. Others had opened their mouths but Dustin had beaten them to talking. 

'Are Mike and the Byers with you? We couldn't get ahold of you guys through your landline; tried for ages, nothing. Just kept on ringing. Over.' Will's voice joins El's. 

'Uh y-eah. We aren't at home becau-se the place got sho-t up by some military fucks who wanted to kill us. Over.' Whilst everyone stares at the walkie talkie in horror, a chorus of faint "Will!"s can be heard through it. 

This time it's Mike's voice speaking, 'Sorr-y about Will. We're all fine. El has her powers back, and w-e're coming as fast as we can. Over.' There's a collective sigh of relief around the table. 

Erica grumbles out, 'Good. We need a little help over here. Monsters, possession, no magic girlie to take care of it all - we're struggling. Plus, we adopted this guy Eddie who is convicted of murder and has a bunch of Christian zealots coming after him trying to kill him and us too, because most of us are in Hellfire and the rest are suspected to have been sucked into their cult or some shit because we hang out with them, over.'

Lucas let out a scandalised, 'Erica!' at her wording. Erica rolls her eyes, clearly done with her brother. Steve has to stifle a laugh.

'Just the facts.' 

There's silence on the line. Lucas says, tentatively, 'Guys?' The walkie talkie crackles then Mike's voice is back,

'Yea-h. Sorry. We were thinki-ng over the bombshell you gu-ys just dropped. Over.' Lucas shoots Erica a glare and then turns back to the walkie talkie, completely missing the tongue she sticks out at him. 

'Yeah, sorry. We weren't planning on telling you like this, to wait until you're here with us, but whatever. The cat's out of the bag. We really need help and El's help specifically. It's gone to shit over here. Also, am I mistaken or do you seem to know that something is going on? Over.'

There's a laugh on the other end of the line, but it's bitter. 'A bunch of milit-ary dudes, different to the ones that atta-cked us, took El to help her get her powers back. They expla-ined a little to her, and a couple of them were charged with babys-itting us and those told me, Will and Jon-athan. But we know very little. Just that Ha-wkins is in danger. Again. Over.' 

Lucas exhales slowly, looking down at the floor, eyebrows raised, mouth making a little 'o'. Steve hijacks the conversation. 

'Okay. When will you guys get here? You must be in range, right? Since the radio waves can reach us? We're kind of pressed on time here, one more death and the end of the world comes about and me and Max are cursed and rather live, so.' He looks over at Max who clutches her Walkman closer then says, 'Over.' 

Next comes Jonathan's voice, 'W-ait. Steve, you and Max are wha-t? Over.' Steve groans really not wanting to elaborate, but still says shakily, 

'Cursed. As in, Vecna targeted us and our clock is ticking. We're seeing this shit, worst nightmare kinda thing, trauma stuff, people who fucked us up, physically and/or mentally, et cetera et cetera, and then when he's done playing with his food, Vecna snaps all of our limbs, jaw and pops our eyeballs out. I'd rather not end like that, so please haul ass back to Hawkins as fast as possible. Over.' 

Max chuckles wetly, but there's mirth in her eyes, 'That is, quite possibly, the worst way you could've introduced our problem, Steve.' He shoots her a grin.

It's quiet again on the other end of the line until a voice that Steve doesn't know drawls out, 'Damn, my d-udes. You seem to be going through a lot. We'll b-e there, at best, two days from now though so, dudes, you'll just have to just hold on tig-ht. Over.' Steve frowns, 

'How are we talking, then, if you're so far away? Also, I'm sorry, but who is this? Uh, over.' There's a chuckle on the other end of the line, and then it's Jonathan again,

'That's my-' A voice that sounds suspiciously like Will shouts out, 'Stoner!' in the background as Jonathan talks at a lazy pace that Steve associates with some people being high. 

It seems he's correct by what Will had shouted out from what is probably the back because Jonathan or the other guy are probably driving, and Will seems further away. And actually, come to think of it, the thought that either Jonathan or his friend are driving is kind of worrying because the other guy sounds high, too, and driving whilst high isn't the best idea.

'Friend,' Jonathan finishes as if he hadn't just been called out by his brother for taking weed. Now to think of it, when did Will become such a little shit? Steve usually associated that term with all of the other kids, but never Will, but it seems as if California had made him more confident and, yup, sassy and snarky alongside that. 

'His na-me is Argyle. He's kind enough to be giving us a ri-de to Hawkins; and El connected us through. Over.' Dustin groans and stomps his foot like a sulky child, Steve is about to shout "Uh, watch your attitude young man!" or something along those lines, at him, but Dustin starts ranting before it's possible. 

'You'll be too late by then! There's no guarantee that Vecna will target us again and if he targets another random person, they'll die! You need to come now or the actual apocalypse will be on us. C'mon, El don't you have some other power? Something that could make you come here faster? There has to be a way. Over.' 

Everyone waits anxiously for the answer to come through the walkie talkie. It's El who answers. 

'No.' The word singlehandedly makes everyone's faces drop and their hopes die. 'Even if I co-uld, I don't know how. I'm sorry. But,' everyone perks up, 'I might be able to get aho-ld of my sister? She is also a lab number, eight, and maybe she could help you. If sh-e wishes to of course. I can't...' she pauses, asks someone beside her something the walkie talkie doesn't catch and someone murmurs something back. El continues, 

'I can't guarantee anything, but she'll hate Vecna when she finds out it's his fault all of the other lab numbers are dead, so she might come to your....' a pause, and a murmur, 'aid.' El finishes. 'Over.' 

Max frowns, grabs the walkie talkie and puts it up to her face, 'I'm sorry, all the other lab numbers are what, and Vecna did what, and there were other numbers, and another one survived, not just you? First off, what? Second off, how do you know this? Third, why now? Over.' 

It seems like Max is back to herself, her fragile half shrinking in light of her usual snarky side. There's a warm laugh from El on the other side of the line and oh, that's interesting, that's what girls usually sound like when their partner or crush makes them laugh. Steve files the information away for later.

'Okay, u-h. Repeat the questions, please, Max? Over.' Max smiles although El can't see her, apologies, then repeats her questions at a slower pace and in an easier to understand order:

'There were more of you in the lab? What did Vecna do to them? Another one survived, not just you? How do you know this and why now? Over.' 

El takes a deep breath, but Steve quickly cuts in, realising something. They are all so dumb, fuck they're so dumb. 'Whoa! Wait. We can't be talking about this over radio! Russian spies remember? Starcourt mall fiasco? Hijacking radio calls? Hello? How have all of you nerds forgotten? Or did you not know this?' 

Everyone's eyes go wide and El doesn't say whatever was on the tip of her tongue. The radio is silent again, except for its occasional crackles. Dustin spins around to look at Steve,

'Why didn't you remind us of this earlier?!' he yells. Steve scowls. He knows that emotions are running high but he doesn't like it when someone yells at him, especially in this house. It doesn't matter who it is, it always eerily reminds him of his father. 

Plus, he's on edge right now, after the whole Vecna ordeal. He's twitchy and scared and paranoid and he can't have a shouting match. 

'Listen, Dustin,' he says in a low but warning tone. 'I will have no shouting, not in this house, not after Vecna's visions, alright? We keep it down, and we don't yell. And I've had many a concussion in my life so I'm sorry if my brain isn't as fast as others, but I did realise first, so. Plus, I also assumed that you would probably realise a problem before me, I therefore wasn't really worrying about anything.' 

He takes the radio out of Max's hands and says into it, 'Okay. Get ahold of your sister but keep your message encrypted. Notify us of her answer and carry on speeding back. Go forty miles over the limit if you have to, just hurry. Over and out.' He puts the walkie talkie down.

'So what now?' Comes Erica's voice from behind Steve. He turns to her to see her with her usual annoyed expression on her face;  arms crossed. He sighs, knowing that the next however long until they defeat Vecna is going to be painful.

They are all pretty much under house arrest, especially Eddie, stuck in... company Steve wouldn't have chosen for himself if he were to pick it. Although, he doesn't really have many choices, so he should probably be happy he has any friends at all. He turns away from Erica and says over his shoulder, 'Now we wait.' 

Erica doesn't let it go that easily however. 'Two fucking days? That's bullshit.' she says, voice louder than usual and Steve grimaces and turns back to her, 

'Language, Erica. And, like I said to Dustin, keep it down, okay? I don't like yelling.' He doesn't mention the why, but his head is pounding - an after effect of getting so many concussions and losing so many fights with such short breaks in between; and yes, the Vecna visions. 

Steve had even forgotten that he'd mentioned them in his reprimanding of Dustin but the boy tugs on his sleeve again and says, voice guilt heavy, 'I'm sorry for making you relive trauma. I won't yell again.' Steve's expression softens and he ruffles Dustin's hair. 

He doesn't even fight him this time around, just lets Steve ruin it's style. 'You're not making me relive anything, Dustin. It's okay. But Vecna's still fresh on my mind and not yelling is a good idea. Yeah?' Dustin nods,

'Yeah.' Steve grins, he loves this kid. Dustin is definitely his favourite.

'Great.' He turns to the rest of the group, 'So now-' 

'Now we take care of your wounds, pretty boy.' Steve whirls around to see that it's Eddie who has spoken. 

In all honesty, Steve had kind of forgotten that he's here, and hearing his voice is jarring.

Then he wonders how he could've possibly forgotten about him. Despite Steve's crush on the guy, (which he really needs to get under control if he's being honest, the quicker it goes away the better) Eddie's all round a loud presence, and not just in volume when he speaks.

He's got very expressive clothes, a lot of hair, and a personality that fills the room. It's near impossible to miss him.

Then he realises that he forgot about Eddie because he hadn't rushed to the walkie talkie. He had hung back, then, seemingly, slunked off to the doorway because that's where Steve's eyes find him now. 

He's leaning against the doorframe, arms and legs crossed, eyebrows raised, and God does Steve find that hot. So hot, in fact, that it takes him a while to realise Eddie is speaking again.

'- are nasty. We don't want infection setting in, do we? It'd ruin the hot preppy jock look you have going on. Hate for that to happen, I'd lose my eye candy.' Steve throws him a playful glare, completely missing, again, the looks that are thrown his way, and the fact that this time they are shared between not only him but Eddie. 

'That's objectification, Munson. I'm way more than a pretty face. First you tell me to cover up and throw a jacket at me, your jacket let's note.' Steve pauses to give a little twirl, showing the thing off,

'Like me in your clothes, Eds? Just have to ask,' he teases, throwing a wink as if Eddie is a girl and Steve is still back in high school, still the ladies man. By Eddie's bright blush, it's obvious he's still got it. It makes Steve mentally punch the air. 

He continues as if he hadn't just flustered his crush, 'Now you're ignoring all of my good qualities that don't involve looks? You wound me.' Eddie seems to return to himself because he throws Steve a cocky grin and leans forward off of the wall, pushing off and crossing over to Steve after he has uncrossed his legs.

He walks forward until he and Steve are nearly touching, really, this man does not know the definition of personal space, and then murmurs coyly, 

'Oh? What are these other good qualities you're speaking of, Stevie?' Steve laughs under his breath, ignoring the elated feeling that blooms in his chest at the nickname. 

His father's voice echoes in his head, "You like acting like a girl." "You're one of those freaks." And the feeling feels dirty and tinged with something bad. It feels wrong, despite feeling right. 

Steve doesn't want to dwell on it so instead he focuses on something different. Namely, the matter at hand. Flirting.

Flirting with boys is near identical to flirting with girls; and thank God for that because Steve Harrington out of his depth? That would be a scandal and, frankly, embarrassing. 

He taps Eddie's cheek with a finger, smiling sweetly, 'Wouldn't you like to know, lover boy.' He hears someone fake gag off to the side and flashes Eddie a grin before moving away.

His heart is pounding. Christ, what is he thinking?! He can't flirt with a boy in front of people, not in front of these people. His thoughts start to race with scenarios of what might happen next each one worse than the last but when someone finally speaks it's Erica and all she says is,

'I don't think you two should be allowed in a room together, alone, anymore. There's kids in the house, keep it PG. Can't believe the kids have turned into the babysitters. Ridiculous.' 

Steve looks at her, frowning, and is about to say something but he doesn't know what to say so his mouth is just slightly open as he stares at her and her crossed arms and her trademark know it all/unimpressed expression.

Eddie seems to shake himself before Steve does, because Steve feels a weight at his back and arms gently wrap around his waist, being careful to not put pressure on the wounds. Steve definitely flushes red, especially when Eddie puts his head on his shoulder.

'We were joking, Lady Applejack. I'll take care of Stevie's wounds. Won't touch anything else, I promise.' Out of the corner of his eye, Steve sees Eddie wink and in front of him, all of the kids are fake retching.

'Ewwww, Eddie!' 

'Why would you say that?!' 

'I'm not homophobic, but that? Don't say that.' That last statement was said by Lucas and it throws everyone else into a frenzy of nodding. Max gushes out,

'Yeah, we're not homophobic, and like, you two can date and all,' that's met with another round of nodding, 'but don't make jokes like that. Ew.' Yet another round of nodding, a few fake gags mixed in with it this time, too. Eddie scoffs, 

'What kind of fifteen year olds are you? No dirty jokes nor innuendos? Boring.' Max looks offended; Erica just rolls her eyes and mutters, 

'I'm eleven, jackass.' Eddie doesn't seem to hear it, but Steve throws her a look. Erica crosses her arms again, 'It's just the facts.' 

Dustin butts in, 'Well, it'd be fine if you two were literally anyone else, but Steve, you're like, an older brother to us, and Eddie is, too. Do you see where that gets weird? Also, no one wants to listen to their older friends flirt, okay? Like Erica said, keep it PG.'

Erica snorts, 'Older brothers? Steve's like you guys' mom. You should've expected that this might happen. Him and Eddie, I mean. Eddie's the dad, Steve's the mom.' 

Once again, Steve ignores the elated feeling at being called something vaguely feminine. It's just a joke, after all, he's overreacting, but at the same time, he can't shake that small part of him that wants to squeal and kick his feet. 

However that thing Dustin said? That he's like a brother? That nearly makes him tear up. And the slightly embarrassed looks on everyone's faces show that they also think what Dustin said; that they see him as a brother. Fuck, does that make Steve feel things.

'Okay okay, you little gremlins,' Eddie says, pulling away from Steve, who mourns the loss of contact. 'We won't get up to anything other than wound wrapping. Happy?' There's a series of nods and sniggers and then a hand on Steve's back, pushing him forward, and lips by his ear whispering, 

'Alright pretty boy, where's the bathroom?' Steve shivers a little at the feeling of Eddie's hot breath on his neck and by the grin he feels on his skin when Eddie lowers his face to Steve's neck, Eddie notices it. 

'I have an ensuite through my room,' Steve breathes out and Eddie chuckles against his skin; they're by the stairs now, and Eddie guides Steve forwards and up them. 

'Trying to get me into your room in a ploy to get me into bed, Harrington? I thought we promised the kids to keep everything PG?' 

This feels dangerous, like playing with fire, but Steve has always been one to dive head first into danger. 

'How lewd, Munson; get your head out of the gutter. I need a shower and want a change of clothes.' They're in front of his bedroom door, now - Steve stops and gestures at it. Eddie leans over and opens the door, not moving from his position behind Steve. 

'Apologies, my liege. I am just a lowly servant, I cannot expect you to allow me in your bed. However, I can help you in the shower if you so require?' Steve's face heats up. What did Eddie just say? He can pretty much feel Eddie's shit-eating grin behind him. 

'Uh,' Steve's voice cracks, 'Uhm. No. No need Eddie, I'll be fine.' Eddie pulls away, sashays forwards to the door of the ensuite and opens it with a bowing motion. Steve rolls his eyes fondly. 

'As you wish, your highness. I shall be right outside, though, in case you are in need of assistance.' 

Steve grabs some random clothes from his wardrobe and drawers, and then enters the bathroom, Eddie shutting it behind him.

Steve doesn't lock it; he doesn't know how the wounds will react to warm water and he really doesn't want for Eddie to have to break the door down to save him if he passes out. 

The thought makes Steve heat up a little more. If he's to pass out in the shower, Eddie will have to barge in which will be so embarrassing if it's to come to pass. He begs it won't happen.

Steve pushes the thoughts away and focuses on undressing. He shucks the vest off, kicks off his shoes, and then undoes the button of his jeans and pulls the fly down without problem, but the second he leans down to pull them off a wave of dizzying pain overcomes him and he has to grab the sink to stabilise himself. When he tries again, the same thing happens.

Forget passing out in the shower, this is mortifying. He can't even get undressed. It seems as if Eddie realises that Steve is having some problems because he calls out from outside of the door,

'Princess, you alright? Do rich people shower without water, is that why it isn't running?' The tease in his voice is unmistakable but God will Steve do anything to have Eddie call him princess again. He clears his throat, embarrassed. 

'I, uh, I can't lean over to...' He will not finish that sentence. He may not be King Steve anymore, and most of his friends may be children, but he will not utter the words.

There's a chuckle on the other side of the door, but it isn't mocking, 'Do you need help, Stevie?' Steve nods, then, realising Eddie can't see him, croaks out,

'Um, yeah. I think so.' The door opens and Eddie strolls in. He sees Steve leaning against the sink and his expression softens. 

Steve wonders what he looks like. He has a hand pressed to his filthy makeshift bandages and can feel his sweat as he tries to fight back against the pain.

He must look like a mess, he feels a mess, but Eddie doesn't comment and instead helps Steve let go of the sink and then wraps his hands around Steve's.  

His face goes hot all over again. Eddie smiles reassuringly and then lets go, moving his hands to Steve's hips instead, gripping the fabric of the jeans and pulling gently down. 

He grins before starting to crouch down, shimmy-ing Steve's jeans down. Steve inhales sharply at the sight. It is so unnecessary for Eddie to be doing it like this. So unnecessary. This boy's going to be the death of him.

Steve balls his hands into fists, nails digging into his palms to stop himself from doing  something stupid, something like reaching out to grab Eddie's hair and pulling, as Eddie gets on his knees. 

The sight is straight up sinful, even more than when girls actually go down on him, and that just isn't fair. Eddie has no right to look like this but he does and when he taps Steve's ankle to make him lift it up, Steve nearly doesn't, too distracted to understand the tap. He does understand though, and spares himself the ordeal of embarrassing himself even further in the process. 

He lifts his legs up, one after the other, and the jeans come off. Eddie raises an eyebrow and tugs at Steve's left sock. He huffs out a laugh but lifts his foot up again. Eddie grins again and tugs the sock off, following up with the other.

Then there's an awkward silence. The only things left on Steve are the bandages and a pair of boxers. Eddie blushes red and looks up at Steve, a question in his gaze. Steve blushes too but come on, this isn't weird. He's been naked in front of other men before, in the showers after basketball games. But then again, he hadn't known he is bisexual back then. 

He gives a nod which he hopes looks indifferent and Eddie hooks his fingers over the band of the boxers. An agonising second later, he tugs down. 

Blood rushes to Steve's head. It feels... he doesn't know how it feels but being naked whilst Eddie is still fully dressed? It makes his head spin. He lets out a shaky exhale and fights the urge to cover himself with his hand.

Eddie stands up, red faced and beautiful and Steve just can't stop himself. He lunges forward, smashing their lips together. 

Eddie gives a surprised moan but reciprocates immediately, moving his hand to tangle it in the hair at the nape of Steve's neck. Eddie kisses like he's hungry, like he wants to eat Steve, and the thought makes Steve give a moan of his own.

Suddenly, he's against the sink again, his hands behind him to grab onto the steel. Eddie's relentless - he's everywhere. 

His body is lined up with Steve's, pressed together wherever possible, leg between Steve's thighs. 

The hand in Steve's hair stays there but the other roams his whole body, one time even touching his naked cock, making it jump. That's when Eddie grins into the kiss and Steve gasps. 

Eddie uses the opening to shove his tongue into Steve's mouth, moaning when Steve reciprocates the move by letting his tongue tangle with the one which has breached his mouth. 

He pulls away, something Steve doesn't approve of if his whine and chasing lips are anything to go by, but all Eddie does is peck the corner of his mouth before starting to kiss down his neck. That shuts him up. 

Steve groans, tangling one of his own hands in Eddie's hair, bearing his weight solely on his one remaining arm, something that Eddie finds endlessly hot. 

He knows Steve is strong, saw it in the way he smashed that bat around, but holding himself up on one arm, and Eddie too, since he's leaning on him, is a great show of strength. It makes Eddie feel hot all over.

'Fuck, the things you do to me,' Eddie whispers, biting down on Steve's skin. His reply is a long, sensual moan. 

Eddie sucks a mark high up, impossible to hide, and the realisation sends a thrill through Steve. He tugs at Eddie's hair and bites his own lip to keep an inappropriately loud noise in when Eddie pulls back slightly, skin still between his teeth. 

Eddie lets go and latches on somewhere else, lower this time and merely sucks instead of biting down, but makes up for it by raising his knee to Steve's groin, putting pressure on his dick. 

Steve makes an obscene noise and grinds down. Eddie laughs against his skin, kissing the red marks, one then the other, then murmurs quietly, nose nudging at the underside of Steve's jaw, 'I see you're excited to see me Steve. Or just my knee?' 

He gets no reply for a few seconds, Steve coming back to himself, panting already, but then he laughs quietly and tugs lightly at Eddie's hair. Eddie does a pleased hum. 

'You're lips are welcome too, Eddie, don't worry.' Eddie snorts, and bumps their noses together; Steve honest to God giggles. 

'Good to know, sweetheart. Good to know.' He dives back in, with a soft kiss this time, and Steve attempts to kiss back through his smile.

Then his smile falls. Vecna comes back to the front of his mind, all of his suppressed worries, Nancy's words when they broke up. 

All of his secrets work their way back into his head, poisoning the moment, and it leaves Steve gasping for breath, as if he were drowning in the things he hides from the world, from his friends, from himself. 

As it all hits him like a freight train, Steve pushes Eddie away, harshly. 

He doesn't miss the expression of hurt that overcomes his face, but Steve pays it no mind, taking a sharp inhale and pulling his hands through his hair, messing it up, but also grounding himself.

'Sorry,' he mutters, but he makes his voice sound indifferent and he knows it sounds like he doesn't mean it.

Eddie's still looking at him like he'd kicked his puppy which makes Steve feel endlessly bad so he sighs and says, trying to put emotion in his voice, 'I am sorry Eddie. It's not you. I just... Can I shower?' Eddie nods, mute, and turns to leave but Steve grabs his arm, wincing. 'I, uh, I might need help.' 

Eddie huffs a laugh, and seems to come back to his usual, flirtatious self. 'Oh what are we going to do with you pretty boy?' Steve chuckles, too, glad that the awkwardness is gone, and turns the shower on, stepping in once the shower has heated up. Eddie takes off his clothes, too, but he leaves his boxers on. His cock is still half hard, and so is Steve's. 

The realisation makes Steve feel even more guilty. Eddie's probably thinking the worst right now - he can't possibly know why Steve actually pushed him away, and it must've felt like a brutal rejection, perhaps even homophobia, especially the push. 

But Steve does want Eddie. He wants his love, his smiles, his jokes, his lips, his everything. 

He wants Eddie to pop by Family Video, solely because he wanted to see Steve. He wants Eddie to whisper sweet nothings to him in the middle of night to calm him down after a nightmare. He wants Eddie to be by his side, through the good and the bad. 

But freaks don't get happy endings. 

If Eddie was to find out Steve's secret, his other secret, the one about wanting to be a girl, he'd be disgusted and leave, breaking Steve's heart - and poor Steve wouldn't be able to survive that.

He wouldn't be able to survive getting the things he's always wanted, only for them to be snatched away. He wouldn't survive Eddie being repulsed by him. It would shatter him at his very core, so he hides away and sets up defensive walls. 

As a young boy, Steve had learnt to not be vulnerable, especially emotionally. His father would either latch onto it, unrelenting, or shame him for whatever it is. 

Sharing what's bothering Steve has always backfired and he's terrified to open up now, for anyone, about anything. 

He's terrified of what might happen, what Eddie might say or do - what he might share with who.

Steve silences those thoughts and starts washing his upper half, scrubbing the grime off, more aggressively than necessary; Eddie doesn't comment, and starts on his legs. 

They work in silence, dirt and grime and blood making the water a disgusting brown, but when Eddie puts his hands in Steve's hair, Steve turns his head, frowning as he says, 'What are you doing?'

Eddie grins, 'Washing your hair, my liege.' Steve gives a wry smile. True, he'd love to have Eddie's hands in his hair but that doesn't mean he'll make it easy for him.

'Oh? And who said you can touch my beautiful hair?' The pout he gets in return makes his head spin.

Eddie is always a pretty sight but this? Pouts really suit his pretty doe eyes, and it makes Steve want to kiss him senseless, but he isn't stupid, so he bunches his hands into fists to keep them to himself for a second time during this hour. 

Eddie has no such reservations though, doesn't see the need in limiting his hands, so he starts scratching Steve's scalp; Steve subconsciously leans into the touch.

'Apologies, your Grace.' He turns to the hair products lined up in a row and Steve can pretty much sense his frown. 

'Uh, which one...' he trails off, lowering one of his hands to Steve's shoulder, which makes him shiver. Eddie doesn't comment, something that Steve is eternally grateful for, and also doesn't continue his sentence. Steve chuckles,

'You want me to tell you my hair caring secrets? Not happening, Munson.' Eddie shrugs and lets Steve go. Steve pretends as if he doesn't feel cold because of it. 

'As you wish, pretty boy.' He moves Steve to the side, which makes a laugh escape him as he's manhandled, and starts to scrub himself, dirt similarly discolouring the water. 

Steve lets a fond smile find itself on his face and picks up a shampoo bottle. 

When they're done, Steve lets Eddie borrow two of the spare towels, one for his hair and one to dry himself off and some clothes.

Eddie dries his hair first, not styling his hair at all which Steve is jealous of, Eddie's hair looks that pretty naturally?, and then jumps onto Steve's bed, declaring that if he must wait for Steve's hair routine, which must surely be long to give such effects, he'll be comfortable. Steve rolls his eyes, feigning annoyance, but really, he finds it endearing.

'And don't think you've gotten out of bandage changing - they're soaked now, and were filthy. We don't want any infection setting in, we need to clean them off and then-' he cuts himself off. 'Do you have any bandages?' Steve snorts with contempt, 

'I've gone through this shit three times already, plus I always get into fights, of course I have first aid.' Eddie smirks, and waves towards the bathroom, motioning for Steve to get on with doing his hair. Steve sticks his tongue out but does as he is told.

After he's done, he tries to take the bandages off himself, but the pain is so excruciating he groans in pain, quite loudly. Eddie bursts in through the door in seconds. 

Seeing Steve trying to peel the filthy strips of clothes away from his wounds, he tuts. Steve winces, trying for an innocent smile. By Eddie's snort, he decides it must've looked more like a grimace. 

'Sweetheart, why are you trying to do this alone?' Steve's face heats up at the pet name and he purses his lips in a way that Eddie finds endlessly cute. A second later, Steve cracks a small smile and says, meekly,

'Because I'm independent,' but it sounds more like a question, than a statement. Eddie rolls his eyes and grabs Steve's hands, again, pulling them away from the bandages. 

Steve can feel his ears going red now, too, and there's no way Eddie isn't noticing all of this, but he doesn't comment nor react. 

He lets go of Steve's hands and asks where the first aid kit is. Steve points under the sink and Eddie crouches down to fetch the pack. 

When he straightens he grabs the end of the makeshift bandages, undoes the knot and, with an apologetic smile at Steve, starts to slowly unwind it.

The pain is agonising. Steve is left gasping for breath in mere seconds and he knows that it will only get worse. 

He grabs one of Eddie's arms, squeezing hard and Eddie stops. Steve gropes for something to shove into his mouth to muffle himself and upon finding nothing else, he settles on a small towel. He rolls it up slightly, shoves it between his lips, and bites down. Once he's got the fabric between his teeth, he nods at Eddie who is looking at him with a sort of sad expression. 

He shakes himself quickly though. His gaze returns to the makeshift bandages around Steve's waist and he winces. 

The sight is dreadful. 

Blood and dirt has soiled the wrappings and the result is sickening to look at. He isn't even at the end yet, still at least four layers of wrapping to go. He looks up at Steve, the sweat beading on his brow, the speed at which his breath comes and exhales slowly.

'This is gonna hurt, Stevie.' He receives a grunt in answer. 

He continues, going at a slower pace than before. It soon becomes apparent that the blood has congealed around the bandages and scabbed around it. This is going to hurt. Really hurt. Eddie decides it will be better to pull it off fast, without warning, like ripping off a bandaid, so he does just that. 

He jerks the cloth and it comes away, but not without an agonised scream from Steve that, although it's slightly muffled by the towel, can be clearly heard. 

The anguish in it is apparent and it breaks Eddie's heart, hearing Steve like this, but he had to, he knows he had to. It would've been worse if he did it slowly. 

With guilt in his heart, he picks up the disinfectant and splashes it over the bites that have begun to bleed sluggishly now that the scabs have been ripped away. The sheer pain in Steve's voice increases. 

That's when Eddie starts murmuring apologies. A continuous stream of "I'm sorry"s find their way out of his mouth; he can't seem to make them stop. Steve is clearly suffering and Eddie's caused it. He doesn't like that. He doesn't like it, so he apologises, and tries to pretend as if the screams of agony will not haunt him in his dreams just in different scenarios.

Slowly, he rewraps the wounds, taking his time, and muttering all the while, and slowly, Steve calms down and regains control of his breathing. 

He takes the towel out of his mouth and pants, hands gripping the sink behind him so tightly his knuckles have turned white.

Eddie attempts a smile when he's finished, but it sits wrong on his face, so he lets it drop. He takes Steve's hands again, guiding them away from the edge of the sink, and then rubs the knuckles, soothingly. Steve seems to melt in front of his eyes. 

They put a button up on Steve, deciding it's the least painful course of action and whilst they do so, Eddie proposes sleep, to take the bite off of the pain. He grimaces sadly when Steve declines, muttering something about the kids as he pushes past Eddie and out of the bathroom. 

He crosses the unornamented room, (it feels sad, Eddie thinks, so devoid of feeling and personality) and slips out of the door, Eddie trailing behind.

When they rejoin the others, Robin and Nancy are back and Robin slaps a pair of headphones over Steve's ears immediately, pressing the play button on the Walkman. Nancy takes the less aggressive approach and merely hands her pair to Eddie's, her personal one ready around her neck. 

Eddie thanks her and avoids the judgemental looks from the kids. They have obviously noticed the marks on Steve's neck, and are remembering his promise. 

He gives them a meaningful glare and flicks his gaze over to Robin and Nancy before flicking it back to get his message across. The kids seem to realise that he doesn't want the girls to know but their looks tell him that they won't be letting this go and will bother him about it later. Great.

Eddie decides to ignore them but then on and turns, only to see Robin and Steve in the corner, Robin's eyes bugging out of her head and Steve's hand over the hickeys on his neck. Great.

Steve seems to be trying to deny whatever Robin is saying but by the blush on his face Eddie can, from where he's standing out of earshot, tell he's failing miserably. 

Obviously Steve is trying to deny the hickeys; there's only one person who could've given them to him and Eddie, well. Eddie's a guy. Robin doesn't seem to care though. Being honest, she had always struck Eddie as some kind of queer and their exchange of "Hunt the freak, right?" "Yeah." had given Eddie a stronger belief in his theory - so no, Eddie isn't worried about Robin knowing, but it's nice that Steve is trying to protect his secret for him. 

Steve is visibly relieved when the walkie talkie crackles to life. Max is immediately on the device, answering the call, and everyone else gathers around her, headphones around each neck.

The message is brief. All El says is 'Kali is coming, over... and out.' before it turns silent again, but Steve had been right when he said that they had to be careful. 

Now all there is to do is wait and for the rest of the group to go shower, so they do just that, leaving Steve and Eddie alone, the kids and Robin giving them looks that they both pointedly ignore. 

They don't do anything, despite what the others might've thought. Steve goes to the kitchen to cook something for everyone after their day of horrors and Eddie sifts through Steve's movie collection for something to watch. 

He can't sleep; won't sleep. He knows if he does, Chrissy will revisit him, and he can't go through her death again, not now. Instead, he throws on some flick and presses play. 

Slowly, the rest of their friends filter back in, some joining Eddie watching the movie, others trying to decide on what to do next. A group meeting isn't called, however, and the discussion seems to be fruitless. 

Eddie tunes it out in favour of the movie and the others seem to be doing the same thing. The main character, whose name Eddie can't recall, is trying to woo some random girl on screen for some random reason when Eddie smells the most beautiful smell his nose has ever been graced with. 

He sits up, like a hunting hound coming to attention, and looks to the kitchen. 'What's that smell?' he asks Dustin beside him. His question makes the other kids smell the air and Dustin and Lucas immediately book it to the kitchen. Eddie is about to yell after them in question but Max speaks up from the other end of the couch.

'Steve's making chinese.' He turns to look at her. She seems unfazed by the boys rush to the kitchen and has her headphones around her neck again. She had put them back up a while ago, out of paranoia, she had explained, but now they had returned to their place around her neck.

Eddie frowns and looks back towards the room where that beautiful smell is wafting from. 'Chinese doesn't smell that good.' And that's true. Whenever he and Wayne try to cook it, it's bland and the smell is weak if there at all, but the smell of rich goodness is filling the air, overcoming Eddie's senses.

Max smiles a little, 'Yeah, it's because Steve adds a lot of spices to it. He makes it quite spicy; you like spicy food, right?' Eddie snorts.

He isn't a picky eater, can't afford to be. He'll take whatever is put in front of him. He says as much. Max's smile dims slightly.

'Yeah, okay. But if you don't like it, Steve will make something else for you. He knows if you're not enjoying the food - a seventh sense he says. His sixth is taken, apparently - knowing when monsters are about to jump him and try to kill him is his sixth. A bit depressing but whatever. I once didn't like something but didn't want to offend him so I sucked it up, he somehow knew I wasn't enjoying it though so he made something else.' 

Eddie rolls his eyes, fondly. The seventh sense thing is very Steve, something he would definitely say, and it's nice how he looks after the kids. He doesn't mind spicy, though. 

There's a call from Steve in the kitchen, telling the remaining people in the living room that food is ready when the doorbell rings. Nancy and Eddie look at each other, she had been talking with Robin off to the side but they weren't engrossed enough to not hear, and a doorbell couldn't be good. 

'Kali.' Robin whispers, and Nancy relaxes slightly, remembering they are expecting visitors. Eddie doesn't relax, however. He stands up and hides behind the couch, just in case. Nancy goes to open the door. 

There's a bit of talking, then a startled gasp followed by a laugh, and a bunch of people troop into the house, followed by Nancy who tells them that Kali has arrived, with friends. 

Punk is Eddie's first thought. They are mostly dressed punk and have the eccentricity of punks, especially two of them, a tall guy with a red mohawk, and a girl with purple hair, shaved on the side. 

They are a ragtag group, all of them different and outcasts. Eddie's kind of people. 

He straightens, seeing that there's no danger and one of them notices. It's the guy with the mohawk.

'Scared of us?' he sneers. Damn, Eddie doesn't like him already. He decides he won't be nice.

'Nah, just thought you were one of those American dream jocks who want my head. Half look it, too.' He knows how the guy won't like that. Punks don't like being compared to jocks, (who would?) so he knows just how to push this guy's buttons. 

He's right enough because the guy's expression twists. The girl with purple hair puts her hand out. 

'Axel, we didn't come here to fight.' She purses her lips then starts again, 'Or more, we didn't come here to fight these guys. My sister wants us to help them. Be nice.' There's a warning in her voice that says "or else". Mohawk guy, Axel, backs off. 

The girl must be Kali, Eddie decides. Why else would the guy be scared? He seems like one of those thugs that doesn't know what's best for him, especially if that thing is backing off, but he is, backing off that is. Also, the girl has some sort of dangerous sparkle in her eyes. Eddie doesn't like it. 

'Sorry for my friend. Jane said you need help?' Nancy nods and is probably about to explain everything but just then Lucas pops his head out of the kitchen, startling one of Kali's friends, a girl with a huge afro. 

He sheepishly apologises and says that food is ready. Robin immediately rushes into the kitchen.

The new group exchange looks but Nancy just smiles, unfazed and, to Kali, says, 'Can we talk over food? We've gone through a lot and haven't eaten for quite a while.' Kali nods and everyone shuffles into the next room, Eddie trailing slightly behind. 

He doesn't contribute to the conversation, way too focused on his Chinese, which is better than he could've imagined - fuck can Harrington cook - and the first proper meal he's had for days. 

The discussion itself, goes something like this: 

First introductions, which Nancy and Kali take care of and which also includes Mike and the Byers - not El since they already know her. Then there's a discussion of what they (Eddie's friends) know about Vecna and the Upside Down, and what they've gone through which takes quite a while to get through.

At one point, Robin changes the topic, and asks Kali what she can do in relation to powers to which Kali answers mirages (of people), hallucinations, invisibility and the standard telekinesis. From the faces of his friends around the table, Eddie can tell that the arsenal of powers is impressive. 

Erica, however, doesn't share their expression of awe. 'Can you kill?' she asks, matter of factly. Lucas yells out a horrified "Erica!?!" and all of their friends turn to look at her in shock. Even Kali's friends seem to be surprised that this child said something like that. Kali is unfazed, or at least, hides her shock. 

She turns to Erica to address her directly as she answers, 'Yes, I can kill, it's my job. Me and my friends pursue people that have relation to Hawkins Lab, who have hurt people like me and Jane, and end their lives. We are criminals, and we're proud. 

'We're doing this world a service. This is why I came to help you. I want to kill this Vecna. I want to kill him for hurting and killing the other lab numbers.' She straightens in her seat, 'And I will kill him. Is there a plan, or were you waiting for us?' She directs this question at "the Hawkins group" around the table. 

At least, that's how Eddie has started to think of them. There's Kali's gang, and the group of Hawkins kids that save the world on a daily basis, plus him, Eddie, who's is more useless baggage, but whatever.

Steve clears his throat, 'We were waiting on you. We wanted to know what you and your friends were capable of before we gave everyone roles.' The afro girl, Mick Eddie had learnt, leans forward, resting her elbows on the table and lacing her fingers together.

'Oh yeah, pretty boy? And what can you guys do?' Steve mutters something under his breath which sounds something like, "Why does everyone call me that?" but starts speaking, answering Mick anyway.

'Some of us, actually it's most, got roped into this by accident and instead of "role" it's kind of like a soldier in the army- damn, that's sad, but anyway, like a soldier, so we don't necessarily have skill sets or differing skill sets - be aware of that. 

'Alright, so we have Nance, who's the smart one and good at plans, plus she's killer with a gun. Dustin is one of our smart nerds who realises things about the Upside Down et cetera, different kind of smart to Nancy, started doing this willingly to save Will, like we said. Lucas is similar and so is Mike whom we've told you about.

'El is our power girl which you know, Will can sense the Mindflayer, one of the Upside Down creatures but he's not here, like El, which is super unfortunate times two. He's also one of our nerds.

'I'm the guy who throws himself in harm's way so none of the others get hurt-' 

'Like a martyr?' the big guy, Funshine, interrupts him. Steve nods absentmindedly, and is about to continue but then Dustin butts in with a half hurt, half pissed,

'Wait, what? That's why you do all of that dangerous shit?! Are you crazy, Steve? You could get killed!' Steve scowls and shoots back,

'Yes, dipshit, that's the point. Better me than you. Now shut up. It's saved your ass a hundred times before. Remember the demodogs? Remember the Russians? Remember Billy? Yeah, exactly. It's saved your ass.' 

He continues as if he hasn't just admitted to thinking his life is worth less than those of the others, 'Jonathan joined to save his brother and is good with club-like objects I guess, apparently doesn't have the knack for guns, unlike his brother Will, if Jonathan is to be believed, but he's still a valuable asset.

'Robin also gets in harm's way to save the kids but not in the same way nor as often, and has been around for a lot less time - so one of our soldiers; Erica's here because we needed her size, like we said, during the Russian fiasco. She helps around a lot, plus isn't hunted by the jocks so can be lookout, or a scout. 

'Max is a soldier like Robin, and helps us with Vecna now that she's been cursed. And Eddie, uh, well he has only joined up recently because Chrissy died on his ceiling, but he seems to be a fighter, and I know as a fact he'd do anything to keep Dustin and the other kids safe.' 

Steve claps his hands to signify that he's finished; it startles Eddie a little. His brain is still frozen on the fact that Steve called him a fighter, because he can't mean that.

Eddie is a self proclaimed coward, has literally admitted to it as well as to jumping last from the boat into the Upside Down. What is Steve on about? Unfortunately, he doesn't have the time to ask because Kali is introducing her crew's skill sets and he needs to focus.

In the end, they get split into groups. Kali is with Max and Lucas. Steve pretty much forces her to be, saying that he doesn't care that she has powers, if Max dies, he'll rip Kali apart with his own bare hands.

She seems to admire how much Steve cares for the kids because she smiles, and agrees without argument. She also says that she can piggyback into Max's mind if Vecna attacks her, to protect and fight, so it isn't an inconvenience. 

Lucas is with them only as support for Max and to man the Walkman, but he doesn't seem to mind, saying that whatever he can do to save Max is the most important role for him. The dedication makes Eddie's heart melt.

Eddie himself is with Axel and Funshine. They want him, Eddie, to distract the bats and, in case of trouble, for the more experienced with guns and fights to protect Eddie. At first, he bristles at that, but Funshine is way nicer than Axel and in the end, convinces him that it isn't a slight. 

He also says he wants to see Eddie absolutely rock a song on an electric guitar and Eddie doesn't want to disappoint. 

Erica is lookout and signals to the separate groups when to enter the next phase, with Mick there so that in case something goes south, Erica isn't alone and defenceless. 

Steve is with his best friends Robin and Dustin, plus Dotty and Nancy. Their group is to, in Dustin's words, "Slay the son of a bitch" as Max and Kali are fighting the mind war. They will destroy Vecna's physical body. 

Their number is larger than the rest of the group because the Upside Down isn't to be taken lightly, Nancy says, and that they might encounter demogorgons, demodogs, demobats and whatever the hell, plus Vecna won't go down easy. She wants to be prepared - the rest share the sentiment. 

At midnight, after a well deserved power nap for everybody, and the Hawkins team especially, they set out. 

They're planning to enter the Upside Down through Eddie's trailer because his guitar is there and no one wants to go back to Lovers Lake. 

Where Nancy's friend, named Fred apparently, had died no one knows exactly and for sure and they're pressed for time so they decide to not waste their time looking for it as it's pointless anyway.

They enter the hellhole, for some of them for the second time in the same amount of days, as silent as possible and as on edge as can be.

They split up, most immediately going outside to check if the coast is clear but some moving to Eddie's room to pick up his amps to set up the "concert".

Eddie himself is in that group but he lingers where the others move efficiently, staring at his pride and joy.

Eddie's electric guitar looks as if it was made for alternate dimensions and he lets himself gaze lovingly at it for a few seconds before taking it down and swinging it over his shoulder. 

Sure, he can pause for a second or two, but he's wont to keep the others waiting, or to make them worried. 

Axel and Funshine are setting up the amps from his room when he rejoins them and he nods to both of them in turn, getting one readily from the latter and a grudging one from the former. 

Everyone else is also still here, or at least, the ones who had ventured into the Upside Down with him. 

Mick, Erica, Lucas, Max and Kali had already said their goodbyes in the Harrington house, setting off cross-town towards the allegedly haunted Creel House. 

Eddie worries for them. Obviously every single one of them is badass and can look after themselves, probably better than Eddie even, but most are kids; kids. Erica's eleven for fucks sake.

He's terrified for them and mourns the days when Hawkins was normal, or at least, the days where he didn't know anything was amiss, and what does that say about him?

He tries to ignore the guilt gnawing at him by playing a few warm up riffs on his guitar; they're his standard ones and he soon loses himself to the practice. 

Everything else is just a meaningless buzz in the back of his mind as he sinks into a sort of limbo that only music can lull him into. It's a limbo where nothing bad exists, it's just Eddie and the notes he makes happen, systematically and with the precision of a master. It's comforting. 

Some time later though, which could range from minutes to hours, that's how far Eddie was in his head, there's a hand on his shoulder. 

Eddie looks up, startled out of his trance, to meet the doe eyes of the one and only Steve Harrington. 

The eyes are troubled and unreadable, but Eddie melts at them anyway.

They hadn't spoken since the bathroom and neither had reached out, but Eddie wants to, God does he want to. Specifically he wants to reach out physically and trace his hands over every crease and crack of Steve, to see his tears and faults and help him stitch himself back up. 

He knows he's not allowed to, so he balls his hands into fists and stays silent, lest he say something embarrassing. 

Steve is also quiet for a moment more, but then he quickly pecks Eddie's lips, full on the mouth, and says a quick, 'Be careful,' before rushing off, catching up to the others which had already started to leave but had paused to gawk when Steve had kissed Eddie. 

Eddie himself is not much better. He gawks after Steve too, as he leaves, and is only shaken back to reality by Funshine who has a knowing smirk on his face, but doesn't say anything, just inclines his head to the amps. 

Eddie shakes his head vigorously to stop himself from doing something mortifying like touching his lips with his fingertips and follows Funshine towards the set up, ready to start the concert when the signal is given.

Steve walks quickly, face burning, and doesn't stop, neither does he slow down for the others. They all jog to catch up, questions spilling out of them as to what that was. Steve doesn't know either.

Robin obviously knew about the crush so she's probably just shocked that he'd acted upon it, and in front of people, and honestly? Valid. 

Dustin saw the flirting and the hickeys so he's probably not shocked at the kiss itself that much, but similarly to Robin, he's most likely been caught off guard that Steve had done it in public, in front of Kali's friends.

Steve doesn't say anything and picks up his pace. 

Why had he done that? Oh, fuck, why had he done that?! Sure his emotions are running high, and they might die, but homophobia. He balls his hands into fists and fights the tremor that wants to run through them.

In truth no one is shouting any slurs after him, instead whispering harsh "Be careful"s and annoyed "Slow down"s but Steve has learnt to expect the worst so he carries on at his sped up pace.

'We don't care.' Steve's steps falter. It's the girl from Kali's group which had spoken, Dotty?, and she seems matter of fact. 'Hey, we might die in this hell, I'd shoot my shot, too. Unless he's already your boyfriend? Either way, no judgement.' Steve stops completely. 

He frowns, and doesn't turn around, but the others catch up and there's reassuring hands on his shoulders. Dotty steps in front of him with an unreadable expression on her face, but there is no anger nor hate, thankfully. When the others group in front of him, Nancy, the only person in the Hawkins group who hadn't known, doesn't seem to hate him either.

'Not a boyfriend,' Steve mutters, shouldering past them as he carries on walking. This time though, he walks at a reasonable pace and the others walk alongside him instead of jogging to catch up.

'Sure,' Dotty says, and Steve sees her shrug out of the corner of his eye, 'But for the record, I think the Eddie boy liked the kiss.' Steve's cheeks heat up and he doesn't reply.

Dustin is frowning beside him; he doesn't say anything but the silence isn't much better, and Steve doesn't like it, although he knows Dustin isn't homophobic. 

Dustin seems to realise how uncomfortable it makes Steve because he smiles reassuringly up at him, showing him that his thoughts are nothing to worry about, nothing hateful.

Steve visibly relaxes. 'Sorry, I was just thinking,' Dustin says, slightly sheepish, 'I mean, there's nothing wrong with you liking dudes, obviously, I'm not a homophobe, like I said before, but uh. Don't you like girls? I thought with Nancy-' 

'Bisexual,' Steve blurts out, cutting Dustin off because Nancy is right there and he doesn't want to talk about what he used to be with her when she's right there, comfortable in a relationship with Jonathan. 'It means liking both, and uh, I like both.'

Dustin nods, not questioning further because he clearly understands now, the kid is smart after all, but he doesn't stay quiet for long because he laughs and wriggles his eyebrows up at Steve.

'Eddie, huh?' he says, smugly, a shit eating grin on his face. Steve scowls and flicks Dustin's forehead. 

'Shut up, shrimp.' Dustin does not, in fact, shut up.

'I mean, obviously you two were flirting and then went upstairs and made out when we said to keep it PG but c'mon you have to see the irony. You used to be so jealous of him, you thought he was stealing me from you-' Steve groans out a "Shut up" and shoves Dustin but he doesn't shut up and only carries on talking, mirth in his tone.

'And he's an outcast who's in a band and plays a nerdy game; he listens to metal and wears band shirts and chains and even makeup sometimes! And King Steve of the jocks and ex-captain of the basketball team has fallen for him. This is hilarious.' 

Steve rolls his eyes and mutters, 'Yeah, yeah, laugh it up.' but there's no heat to his tone and he lets Dustin carry on teasing him as they walk. 

He doesn't mind all that much. It lifts everyone's spirits and distracts them from what's ahead - and Steve? Steve is nothing if not a martyr. 

It continues, the banter lightening the mood slightly, until the Creel house comes into sight, and everyone stops, falling silent, steeling themselves for what's ahead. 

They'd been dreading this, although it's what they'd set out to do, and now that they're here, no one wants to go first, no one wants to start this thing they might not come back from. 

They hadn't been attacked on the way here but had had a few close calls and everyone's skins were already crawling, a creeping dread overcoming their senses, not ready to face the big bad. 

They all shuffle nervously on their feet, glancing around nervously. It's silent but for the sound of their shoes disturbing the dirt. It's Steve who moves first. 

He takes a deep breath and pushes forwards, taking the lead, as always; the others trail behind him without a word, even Dustin who had been so outraged upon finding out about Steve's self sacrificial tendencies the day before. 

Once one had moved, the rest had it easy, and no one stalled nor tried to back out. 

They weren't ready, per se, nothing could make them ready to face a creature like Vecna, but they had bravery and spine, and in the end, that might be just enough to get them through this.

They all unholster their weapons and slip into the house as one.

Chapter Text

This is what complete failure feels like, Steve thinks, as he watches all his friends die, getting mauled by demodogs. 

Rationally, he knows that he's probably in a trance again, that this can't be real, that he's been a target ever since that first vision, but rationality has no place in a hellscape like this where nightmares come true and all your darkest secrets and fears are brought to the light of day, examined, and forced upon you.

Steve can't think, can't form a coherent thought past the guilt and terror and bile rising in his throat, can't think, can't speak, can't even yell out in anguish.

He's stuck, as if in hardened amber, and there's no escape. 

First to go was Dustin. The things had come out of nowhere, snapping their flower-like faces and one had jumped onto Dustin, knocking him over and immediately tearing into him. It all happened so fast that nobody had any time to react before they, too, were being devoured and Dustin's wellbeing was forgotten, pushed aside for their own.

No one lasted very long against the 'dogs. Curiously, they'd ignored Steve, but everyone else was quickly overwhelmed, and the tunnels were a bloodbath. 

Steve knew these tunnels. They were the ones which were linked to the Upside Down, linked it to the normal world, linked to the Mindflayer and the thing that Will had been so obsessed with whilst possessed.

He'd ventured into them once, and he and the kids had almost been killed that time, but he'd lifted most of them out before the demodogs caught them, and even when the accursed things had rushed at them, they'd ignored Steve and Dustin who were still in the tunnels.

This time that was not the case. He hadn't even managed to lift one of the kids out, before the things had overwhelmed them and now the sound of feeding fills the air. Steve vomits, but when he lifts his head up again, the scenery has changed. He's at home.

Home; as if you could even call it that. Empty and devoid of feeling, the Harrington house stands to remind Steve of his parents' absence and that even when they do come back it isn't pretty. 

There's no pictures on the walls, the rooms look unlived in, there's nothing personalised anywhere and it houses a suffocating air, making the too big rooms feel too small.

Steve has hated this house - and what it stands for - for as long as he can remember. Perfection is a far cry from the Harringtons but no one seems to care enough about any of them to look any deeper than the first glance so the illusion stays, rotting him inside and out.

It feeds the poisonous thoughts in Steve's head that no one cares, after all how can they if they cannot see the small boy he is, swamped by this house and all the expectations placed upon him? How can they not see his struggle? He tries to hide it but if you were to look just underneath his cracked facade, it's obvious; the problem is, no one bothers to look.

Familiar steps stomp down the stairs and Steve remembers this, he remembers this well. It had happened a few months after the Russian fiasco, the "fire" of Starcourt Mall. 

His parents had returned from one of their business trips, that Steve has come to believe are just made up so they have an excuse to stay as far away from Hawkins, and by extension their disappointment of a son, for as long as possible without raising eyebrows, and what had occurred because of that, hadn't been nice.

Steve had let his hair grow out, (something that his parents have had a problem from as young as when Steve was six) and had begun to become more comfortable with himself and his body, his urges to do slightly more feminine things, but had been forcefully shoved back to square one and, in relation, the box made for him by society and his parents, when said parents had returned home unexpectedly. 

Steve had partly begun to believe they wouldn't come back ever again, their trips becoming longer and longer the more frequently the Upside Down rears its ugly head, but apparently it wouldn't be good for their image if they didn't check on their son who had been in the midst of the "mall fire" so they had rushed back, pretending to care.

What they'd found at home had outraged them. Steve wearing his hair long, curling around his ears and reaching his collar at the back in a sort of mullet, wearing "soft" things, and wearing lip gloss. They hadn't been happy, to say the least, and it had all evolved into Steve getting a glass thrown at him in a violent rage by Richard Harrington whilst his mother stood by, bearing silent witness. Steve hated her more than his father sometimes.

Now Steve subconsciously straightens, ready to relive what had happened and sure enough, Mr Harrington storms into the room and grabs a glass from the dining room table, throwing it in Steve's direction. It shatters against the wall beside him with a smash; Steve flinches at the sound and the flyaway glass that slices his skin.

'I did not raise a fag for a son, Steven!' his father yells, red in the face, probably from wine as well as rage Steve decides, watching as his father stumbles slightly as he charges forwards. Steve is pressed to the wall and what Mr Harrington seems to lack in balance, he makes up for in strength as his forearm digs into Steve's chest, pinning him.

'I won't have you dressing or acting like a fairy so you'd better fix this and fast. What will the neighbours think? You're tarnishing the Harrington name and I won't just stand by while you do it. You better fix this, boy, or else.' The threat is clear; Steve nods once.

But that's where the scene changes and warps away from the original. His father doesn't move away, grab his wife, and then leave. No, he stays. Steve keeps his face carefully blank but his mind whirs fearfully and his lungs feel as if they're being crushed. 

What's going on? What's happening? What's his father doing? Steve gulps and watches Mr Harrington warily as he walks over to the dining table and picks something up from it. This time it's not a glass. 

Steve's blood goes cold and he freezes even as his brain yells at him to run, run as fast as he can, as far as possible. Once again coherent thought all but abandons Steve and he can't think past the grief trying to drown him. Again.

Steve freezes, and stares at the thing in his father's hands. He flicks his gaze up to his father's face and finds there a sadistic grin that makes Steve's skin crawl. 

'Let's talk, Steven. Yeah?'

'I want to help,' El says, stubbornly. They've been trying to reach their friends in Hawkins again but have failed and all of them have a bad feeling about it. 

'Hey, they're probably fine,' Jonathan reasons, cautiously, 'They've got your magic sister with them and Steve and Nancy will protect them. They'll be okay.' He seems to be reassuring himself as much as the others. 

El refuses to budge. She can't just stand by whilst her friends are threatened and fighting, not after she'd failed to close the gates properly. If she'd just been a bit stronger, they might've not been having this problem again. And it's all her fault that Peter isn't dead. She has to fix this.

When she voices her thoughts Mike scowls and insists none of this is her fault but he's wrong. Mike doesn't understand, not like Will who is looking at her now with a look that conveys his knowledge of what she's going through, of a similar if not identical guilt. El remembers what the others had told her about the Mindflayer possessing Will and gives him a small, understanding smile. 

Will moves from Mike's side to stand beside her, and holds her hand as they argue against a worried Jonathan, pissed Mike and blitzed out of his mind Argyle (well, actually, Argyle isn't on anybody's side. He nods whenever either side makes a point, no matter if it's compelling or not.)

Warmth envelops El's heart at Will's support. She loves him dearly and he's like a brother, is a brother. The wonder twins, Will had jokingly called them, after El's powers and his connection to the Upside Down but El thinks he's right, and not only because of their supernatural abilities. They quite literally work wonders together.

Suffice to say, they win the arguement and this is how she finds herself floating in a pizza dough freezer, with blackout glasses over her eyes, made of pizza boxes. 

Argyle had gotten them a place to make the body of water, however cramped, needed for the trance and now she's slipping into her mind void, searching for Peter, the one her friends had dubbed Vecna. 

It's harder than when Papa had made her find the demogorgon. She shudders at the memory, but she doesn't give up, carries on searching; the familiar blackness comforts her and she lets it envelop her like a blanket as she seeks Peter out. 

She perks up when she senses him, says aloud so that her friends still in the pizza place can hear her, 'I found him.' Muffled cheers reach her ears. They're celebrating although they're still hesitant about her plan. 

El fights back a grimace. They are right to worry. She doesn't really have a plan and doesn't even know where Peter is nor if her friends are in combat with him yet. She's going in blind. At least she's not defenceless. She balls her hands into fists and closes her eyes, opening them to a living room. 

El frowns as she looks around. It seems to be the Harrington house. El had been in it once or twice, with her friends, but it looked more clean than usual, more perfect. She hadn't even known that was possible.

El can't fathom why she's here, until she remembers that Steve is also cursed, like Max. Peter must be targeting him. It makes a pang of sadness hit her. Steve is always the rock, a powerful object holding it's ground whilst the stream is trying to take him away, trying to sweep the others away. He's always there to offer safety, to protect, to stand in the way of danger. Now El is here to save him as a change. It makes her feel important and gives her a new sense of purpose. She cannot fail Steve.

A loud sound startles her. She jumps and spins around, quickly, looking for the enemy. She reprimands herself, internally, for not having her wits about her, but it turns out her panic is without cause.

Her hands are up, ready to defend herself but there's nothing to fight - the living room is empty.

She frowns again, but doesn't let her hands drop, more careful this time. She looks around warily. It's silent in the house.

Voices pierce her mind void and she hears Will's voice, asking her for a run through of whatever's happening. El tells him about where she is, that she's in a memory of Steve's seemingly, but cuts herself off when another loud sound echoes through the empty rooms, startling her a second time. El recognises it as the sound of contact of flesh on flesh. Yelling follows it. Lots of yelling.

It's not at her, and she doesn't recognise the voice, but it's clear that whoever the man is, because the voice sounds like that of a man's, is in a rage. El looks nervously at the doorway leading to the hallway. 

Mike is asking if she's okay, frantically, and she reassures him that it was just a loud noise, that she's okay, and states that she's going in. Jonathan whispers a "Be safe," El nearly doesn't catch. She promises him she'll try.

She rounds the corner to something El had never thought she'd bear witness to. A small Steve, about ten years of age, has tears running down his reddened cheeks.

There's a man standing over him, and he's the source of all of the shouts. He looks like an older version of Steve, but with hard lines and marks of anger where Steve is all soft edges and smile lines. The man is probably Steve's father.

He's raging about Steve's attitude or something, El can't catch much through the slur in his voice, caused by anger and perhaps alcohol. Hopper had sometimes slurred when she'd lived with him, after a bottle of what she'd found out is called vodka, so she knows that's a thing, but it was never like this. 

Only a few words out of ten are discernible and even those El doubts that she hears correctly; Steve seems to understand Mr Harrington perfectly. 

He's shaking like a leaf, near tears, and that just makes Mr Harrington even more mad, reaching levels of rage that El didn't even know existed. He grabs his son by the front of his shirt and lifts him slightly, enough to make Steve's feet only just barely make sweeping contact with the ground. El looks away when Mr Harrington starts to shake him. 

She hadn't known that Steve has problems at home, probably because of his parents' prolonged absences, but the memory playing out in front of her is proof enough that it's worse than anything El could imagine.

Mr Harrington is still yelling, his son has now resumed his crying and El swallows the bile threatening to spill from her lips. Will is asking for an update.

'I'm in a memory of a young Steve. Ten-ish, I think, and scared. Very scared. His dad…' she swallows and pushes her breakfast down; just thinking about it makes her want to retch and for all her attempts at ignoring the scene she'd just turned her back to, she can still hear the yelling, the sobs. 

'Steve's dad is horrible to him. He's yelling and Steve's crying and it's horrible and I don't like it. Jonathan I don't like it,' she says, hiccuping by the last sentence as tears begin to fall, for Steve, for people who have to suffer at the hands of their parents, for herself and what she'd suffered at the hands of Papa. 

It's silent for a second then Jonathan's soothing voice floats through to her, reassuring her that it's okay and, more awkwardly, that if she wants they can talk to Steve about it later, make sure he's okay. El very much wants that.

Steve always cares for the kids, it's time for someone to take care of him. He deserves an outlet for those kinds of issues, the mental kind. El had talked about what she'd gone through with Papa to the Byers, her family, and had instantly felt better, as if a weight had been lifted from her chest. Steve deserves to feel that way, too.

El closes her eyes and searches again, wanting to get as far away from the horrible scene behind her as possible, and to get to Peter. It takes a while but finally she catches a feel for his whereabouts again and she shifts through Steve's head, seemingly, looking for the correct memory. What she enters is not a memory.

She gasps and actually steps back a little when she sees, through a doorway, what Peter is doing. He hasn't noticed her, and neither has Steve, the real, 20-something Steve, not a past version, who seems paralysed in fear as Peter doesn't stop his movements, holding up polaroids one by one. Horrible polaroids. They depict all of their friends, horribly mutilated or dead. 

Dustin, Robin, Mike, Lucas, Nancy, Max, Erica - everybody is there. Steve looks as if his heart had just been ripped out of his chest and ripped to shreds by brutal and uncaring hands; it might as well have been.

'You failed them. You failed them all. This is all your fault,' Vecna sneers, still wearing the face of Steve's father, as he shuffles through the deck, flashing each and every one at Steve once more. Each glance seems to kill Steve but he also seems unable to look away; Peter knows this and basks in it.

El knows she should move, should attack, but she's stuck, a mere spectator, unable to intervene. It makes her frustrated, but her own curiosity and terror is holding her prisoner and she cannot fight them.

Peter puts the polaroids away, almost nonchalant, and Steve visibly sags in relief, thankful that he has an excuse to rip his eyes away from the images that will surely now be branded behind his eyelids.

'You spoke to Robin,' Peter states, slowly, going to sit down at the table, but instead hovering behind the seat. 'You told her about liking boys, and she was fine with it, because of course she was, am I right?' Steve pales, seeming to realise something. Peter smirks, still wearing Mr Harrington's face, not dropping the illusion although it's see through. El still observes, her body stalling as if waiting for a signal. 

She hadn't known Steve liked boys but Max and Nancy did too so she didn't really care.it was nothing to note anyway, and El is half sure she'd seen Steve throw glances at Jonathan on more than one occasion. Suffice to say, she wasn't really surprised, so didn't react.

'You told her about your interest in Eddie and she was near overjoyed. Happy for you. How far do you think that acceptance goes? It's one thing to like boys after all, Steven, and a whole other to want to be a girl.' Steve flinches, but the action is muted as if Steve had expected the words. El hadn't.

Steve wants to be a girl? Cogwheels spin in her mind. She'd never heard of someone wanting to be the opposite sex but… okay. In the end she admits to herself that it makes sense. Steve had worn something shiny on his lips during his time working for Scoops Ahoy, something El normally only saw on girls, and his hair was quite long, for a boy. Wait, no. If Steve's a girl then they can't be a boy, they won't use he as a pronoun. El silently corrects herself and shifts some information in her head. Steve is not a boy: noted. 

What El doesn't understand is what Peter is saying. Acceptance? Lack of it? It's nice that Steve told her friend Robin about her crush but why is that a big deal and why is Steve being a girl an even bigger one? 

'I think we both know that even Robin wouldn't stretch that far to keep you as a friend.' One singular tear escapes Steve and rolls down her cheek, as if in admission. Peter nods his head in fake sympathy, 'You know it's true, don't you Steven? But it's okay, you won't have to tell anyone, won't have to see the looks of disgust on all of your friends' faces when they find out that they're friends with a freak.' 

Peter starts to stalk towards Steve, his disguise melting away with every step, revealing a burnt looking creature. Steve doesn't flinch, just closes her eyes with a shudder. Peter's lips curl up into a smile.

'Give up, Steven. It's alright.' Peter stops in front of Steve, grazing his weirdly elongated fingers against her cheek. 'I'll take away all doubt and suffering.' Finally, whatever had held onto El lets go; snaps. 

She stalks forward, arms stretched in front of her and screams, launching Vecna across the dining room, and into a plaster wall. Steve whips her head to the side, eyes flying wide open to look at El, standing in the doorway. 

Her eyes are wide and terrified as she looks at El, standing in the doorway. She'd clearly scared Steve, something she will apologise about later, but it had been necessary to surprise Peter so she'd had no other choice. 

Steve takes El by surprise though when she rushes towards her and grips her shoulders tightly. El's a little surprised by the reaction but doesn't have a chance to say anything before Steve is begging her, 'Don't tell any of them, please, I beg. El I'll literally do anything just don't tell any of the others any of what you may or may not have just heard. Okay? Please.' El feels a little overwhelmed but gently takes Steve's hands in hers and promises to keep her silence. Steve visibly relaxes but shoots El a look that says, You better stay true to your word. 

El gives what she hopes is a reassuring smile and nods. It drops as she turns to where Peter had landed. He's now standing up and the taste of an impending fight permeates the air like a storm. She gently pulls Steve behind her, as an act of protection. 

Peter turns on her, gaze simmering with pure, unbridled and undisguised hate. It's wild and threatening but El refuses to bend, instead she straightens her spine and tilts her chin up in defiance. Peter's burnt lips curl into a snarl. 

'You,' he says, his voice near a growl. El's lips twitch up into a humourless smile.

'Me.' And then she attacks.

Steve remembers what happens next in bits and pieces. He knows that El strikes first, knows that Vecna strikes back harder, but the rest is fuzzy, as if his mind is rejecting it, curling in on itself in an act of protection. 

What he is sure of though, is that at one point during the fight between El and Vecna, his subconscious returns to his body and he drops, again, to the floor.

That's a surprise. The last thing Steve remembers before Vecna took him is that vines had bound and started choking him and his friends but clearly they must've let go at some point because he crumples onto solid ground, the impact jarring.

His friends, and Dotty, crowd around him, looking slightly pale but alive. They are all worse for wear, a cough or two ripping itself out of one of their throats from time to time but their eyes still have a determined gleam to them, a gleam with a promise of violence.

After they had entered the Creel house they'd been careful to not grab the attention of the hive mind but it hadn't worked and the vines had pinned them to the walls and started choking all of them. It was then that Vecna must've gotten Steve again. 

They are still pressed for time however and standing around won't get Vecna defeated. He tries to tell them to go on, he'll catch up, but his voice doesn't seem to be working and nothing comes out.

He assumes they'll just leave but none of them move away, and Steve realises they are waiting for him, or at least, making sure he's okay before continuing on. Well, that just won't do. El is fighting Vecna right now and Steve knows she's powerful but Vecna is older, with more experience. Plus, he's ruthless. 

He rasps out, 'Don't worry about me. Take down Vecna whilst he's distracted.' If he wasn't so deeply shaken by El's appearance and what she might or might not have overheard, he probably would've pushed himself to his feet, brushed himself off and powered on but now all he wants to do is curl up in a ball and cry. He still might, actually. He hasn't decided yet.

Dotty and Nancy take off almost immediately, if with a lingering look, after he relays the information that Vecna is too busy to be prepared for their attack. 

He knows that it's for a good reason and that he'd insisted on it just a second ago, but it still stings when they rush away, not looking back once after turning. Dustin and Robin however, stay, because of course they do. That makes his traitorous heart warm, as if it was a traveller invited to a stranger's fire for the night.

They kneel beside him, helping him sit up and Robin rambles at the speed of light about something Steve loses track of almost immediately but he nods slowly as if he understands. He knows that Robin is a nervous talker and it just makes her more stressed when he doesn't look as if he's paying attention.

His best friends help him into a more comfortable position, careful of his wounds, and sit beside him, one on either side. 

They stay there, as a trio, until Dotty and Nancy return, reporting that Vecna has disappeared, and only then does Steve gather the strength to stand, to face the world again. Both worlds. 

He can't just sit around whilst the others may be in danger. 

Dustin and Robin stand with him and Robin wraps an arm around Steve, comforting. Usually Dustin would quip about how they look like a couple but ever since Eddie, no such quips have been made, from any of the kids. Steve's glad, of course he is, but he would kill for a little familiarity right about now, as the world seems to crash around his head. 

You want to be a girl.

What Steve would do for that to not be the case, or, at least, to still be living in denial. However, Steve Harrington never gets what he wants, contrary to popular belief, so he keeps quiet and suffers alone, too scared to reach out. 

He keeps silent although his secret gnaws at him, spreading a black corruption up his body; Steve fears what will happen when it overflows. He hopes the day will never come.

Of course, Steve never gets what he wants. He thought he'd already established that to himself but he does love living in denial. Always has.

His bottle is filling and it's only a matter of time before he starts to drown in it, with the only escape being the cap he's forbidden himself from opening. 

The timer starts, and Steve swears he can hear a clock ticking in his subconscious. It sounds suspiciously like a grandfather clock.

Steve avoids El in the after. El knows she's doing it, although Steve tries to pretend as if it's not the case. 

She, Jonathan, Argyle, Mike and Will had made their way back to Hawkins, arriving two days after the fight, and reunited with the group who had fought Henry/Peter/Vecna/One, whatever people called him, gladly. El and Steve's embrace had been awkward and short and El would've wondered at it, if not the car that had arrived, that revealed Hopper, dad, when the door opened. 

Steve had been pushed from her mind as she launched herself at her father and hugged him tight, overwhelmed with the knowledge that he wasn't dead, that he has come back to her. 

She missed the relief that had relaxed Steve's face when she moved away from him, distracted. It's why it takes her a while to understand that Steve's been keeping a distance between them.

At first, El almost doesn't notice. She and Steve had never been particularly close, not like Steve and Dustin are close, but it soon becomes apparent that Steve is going out of her way to stay away from El.

It's small things that give her away. The way she stays plastered to Robin's side at group gatherings and looks anxious at them, anxiety seeming to grow when El walks into her line of sight. 

It's in the flimsy excuses she starts to make as she pulls away from everybody, something that makes the rest of the group endlessly worried. 

Time and time again they have asked El if she knows something, seeing as El had been inside Steve's head and seen his, her El thinks, seething inside although she knows it's unfair seeing as the rest of the group doesn't know, Vecna vision but she keeps her lips stubbornly sealed, not wanting to reveal the secrets Steve had been so adamant she keep.

In the end, she and Jonathan don't ask about Steve's well-being, concern raised from what El had witnessed with his parents, because Steve runs like a bat out of hell when El tries to conduct conversation with her. She also connects the dots when Jonathan starts asking her to hang out, and declines every time, finding El unnervingly in the crowd as she does so, pleadingly trying to convey Please leave me alone. 

In the end, El gives up. On the direct approach. She thanks Jonathan for trying to help her and sets to work on her own, scheming on a way to get Steve to open up to her. 

She knows she's prying, and that it's rude. This acknowledgement chastises her, makes her feel guilty and sheepish, but only for a short while at a time; the feelings don't linger long because Steve is miserable and El knows the source of the problem, is the only one to know it, and therefore has to be the one to find a way to fix it.

It's a hot June day when she finally finds the solution. She shoots up from the bed she had been lazing about in, bored, and rushes to the living room where the walkie talkie stands proud on the coffee table. 

She's living in Hopper's cabin, with him and Joyce, but they plan on moving out soon. The prices have dropped on the houses of Hawkins and Hopper has finally announced that he's alive to the general public, clearing Eddie's name whilst he does it.

He gave a string of excuses and lies, fake evidence and cover up stories, and it's clear that most of the Hawkins community is sceptical about it all, but Hopper is quite obviously right in front of them and Eddie's name is officially cleared. 

Eddie still doesn't go out into public much, preferring to lay low at Steve's where Jonathan and Argyle are also holing up, plus Will, although law states that Eddie is innocent and a man free to walk the streets. 

He says that he's afraid that the religious zealots of Hawkins will try murder him on a walk and the quiver in his voice as he says it gives away the fact that he believes this true.

He gets comforted by his friends; no one comforts Steve, because they don't know something's wrong. At least, they don't, because El knows what's bothering her, that she's troubled, and she's like a dog with a bone. She won't let it go. Steve will get the comfort she needs.

'Max.' El says urgently, on the channel that the Party uses. Max's response is almost immediate.

'El? What's up? Over.' El has to be careful about this. Can't let anything slip, can't make Max aware of Steve's secrets. She takes a deep breath and says, cautious over her words, 

'I need your help. It's nothing life threatening, don't worry. Over.' Max readily agrees for a favour for El, sounding eager and excited over the walkie talkie. 

'Okay, so.' El says, going over the cover story she had planned in her head, quickly. Friends don't lie, but Steve wants El to keep a secret and if she needs to twist the truth slightly to be able to help her and keep her promise to Steve, then she will. 

'I want to give Robin a surprise present. I don't really know her that well and like gifting things to people so it works. Skirts and dresses I think. Pretty things, so jewellery, too. And makeup. What do you think? Over.' Max agrees with enthusiasm to the plan and says that they should do it tomorrow on Saturday. El tells her that she'll be there and that she'll get the sizes of "Robin's" clothes. 

They talk for a little while longer, catching up on the drama of Hawkins, but then Max has to go: she has a movie date with Lucas planned. El tells her that she would be wont to keep her and they go over the details for their meet up one more time before El hangs up. 

She sits there for a second, mind catching up to what she has just achieved and what it might mean for Steve, what a favour she must be doing for her. She punches the air with her fists. 

Phase one completed.

It's too easy. She gets Steve's sizes without difficulty, by sneaking into his house, adapting her knowledge into women's sizes, and then meets up with Max at the shop, browsing and buying. They have borrowed Steve's cash for this, with her permission of course, and have a variety of clothes in their loot. And what a variety it is.

There are colours that range from rich black to hot pink, different types of fabrics, pleated skirts and flowy dresses, mini skirts and skirts that will reach below Steve's knees: everything. There's also many bracelets and necklaces, plus one makeup set that El picked out because she thought it would look pretty. 

She can't wait to show Steve all of this, to show that she cares, that Steve shouldn't be afraid, like she seems to be. 

'How do we even know Robin will like this stuff? I don't see her wearing dresses often.' El's shoved back to reality by Max's question and her mind runs a hundred miles a minute in an attempt to find a valid answer. In hindsight, she should've said the presents were for Nancy. 

'We don't,' she settles for in the end, 'But that's the catch with giving presents. I think they'll like them though.' She's started to do that, subconsciously. Say they instead of he or she, just in case. It's not always and sometimes she does use a feminine or masculine pronoun but all in all she usually settles for "they", not wanting to misgender someone. 

She'd learnt that word in a book. She had read a little after finding out about Steve's predicament and thoughts about herself, wanting to know more, and more she did learn. 

The books had transphobic undertones sometimes, though. Not all did, some clearly written by other queer and trans people, more phrases she'd learnt whilst reading, but from time to time an author would write something passive aggressive and El would slam the book shut and go on to the next one. 

There aren't many books about being queer in Hawkins. She's working with crumbs but with those crumbs she builds a cake and she knows that Steve must be suffering from gender dysphoria and be transgender. She's also learnt about homophobia and transphobia. 

It explains why Steve was so scared when El had found out, but it makes her heart twinge. Why do people hate people like Steve? It's not right; it's horrible.

Max startles her by holding up a long skirt in front of El, suddenly. 'What do you think?' she says lips pursed as she and El both look the beige plaited article of clothing up and down. 

'Yes,' El says simply, and it goes into the bag, simple as that. After a couple hours of browsing Max calls it at an end, saying that she has an appointment with Will and Lucas who really want to teach her the fundamentals of DnD and whom she'd caved to. El smiles, glad that Max is interacting with friends again (she'd heard from Lucas that she'd been pulling away) and wishes her a good game, shouldering the bag with the shopping and starting off in the direction of Steve's house. 

It isn't that far and she walks, enjoying the air and nature around her, (also, she had no one to pick her up). She might've forgotten to call someone to give her a lift; not her fault.

The neighbourhood is nice, pretty, and the houses seem to shine in the sun. The white paint is vibrant and thick, the whole buildings pristine but El isn't focusing on that, instead she looks at the scarce trees planted in the ground and smiles at the birds in them.

It's quiet, almost too quiet, but El likes that lack of disturbance, even if she feels, uncomfortably, like she's being watched. 

She knocks, loudly, when she gets to Steve's, not wanting to barge in at an unfortunate time, (Dustin said something about girls) and waits. 

Steve is home, she knows that because her car is in the driveway - she just hopes she'll see her, and not slam the door in El's face. Steve has been avoiding her after all.

The thought that she might do it though makes El wince. Surely, Steve won't? No, she's too nice. Right? El bites her lip, starting to get a little stressed.

She shifts on her feet, waiting through agonising seconds that feel as if they're drawing out into minutes and then hours. Maybe Steve has seen her at the door and decided not to open it; maybe Steve didn't hear her knock. 

Just as El is about to make the decision whether it's better to knock again or just leave, the door unlocks and reveals the face of a tired Steve.

El tries to smile as innocently as she can and says, 'Hey, Steve! Can I come in?' Steve looks panicked, any previous tiredness wiped from her face. El winces and lifts up her bag, the bag that contains her's and Max's haul. Steve frowns, more confused now, rather than scared and El counts that as a win.

'Um, sure?' she says, nervousness thick in her voice although she moves to let El be able to slip through. She does so, moving straight to the living room, hoping Steve follows. She does, although still frowning.

'You've been ignoring me,' El states, simply, setting her bag down on the coffee table. Immediately, Steve jumps to her own defence but El puts up a hand, silencing her without turning as she rummages through her spoils.

'It's okay, Steve. I've read up on queer people and understand why you must be scared but I am not going to horrible to you because you are queer and a girl.' She pulls out a dress from her bag and lifts it up for Steve to see. It's long and flowy and in a pretty pattern of flowers that El liked. She'd picked it out herself. 

'I will understand if dresses aren't your thing but me and Max went shopping. Don't worry, I didn't tell her they're for you, but I just think you'll look nice.' She adds that last part shyly, holding out the article of clothing for Steve to take or not as she feels fit.

For a second, Steve doesn't do anything. She stands there, shocked silent, eyes wide as she stares at El. El smiles nervously in return.

Suddenly, tears fill Steve's eyes and she hugs El tight, sobbing even as she laughs. El has never seen someone laugh and cry at the same time before so she's confused and hugs Steve back as she says, concerned, 'Steve, is everything okay?' 

Steve laughs and pulls back, holding El at arms length, not letting go of El's shoulders as she replies, 'Is it okay? It's better than okay, El. I- I don't really know what to say to be honest.' She looks up, blinking away tears and she laughs. 

El stands still under Steve's touch grinning and waits, watching her try and get a grip on her emotions again. Stoic, stone faced Steve is finally showing emotions and it's thanks to El. It makes her ridiculously proud of herself. 

They stand in comfortable quiet for a good few seconds as Steve tries to reign the tears in until Steve lowers her head back down to El and says with a watery grin and sincere, shining eyes, 'Thank you.' 

El grins back and says, quiet and kind, 'Anytime.' They both collapse into giggles, neither of them really aware why. 

Maybe it's the freedom El had finally given Steve, maybe it's the sheer ridiculousness that Steve had been scared of El although all she'd been trying to do is help. Either way, it makes uncontrollable laughter erupt from them, laughter that doesn't cease for quite a while.

When it finally does, Steve pulls back and takes the dress, saying that she'll get dressed in the downstairs bathroom and then come back and El nods eagerly, saying it'll be like a fashion show. Steve giggles again and agrees, then leaves to get changed as El sits down, shifting through the spoils as she waits, unable to sit still. She doesn't sit long before she hears the sound of a door opening.

That's weird because there is no way Steve has finished changing so quickly and anyway, the sound had come from the wrong doorway. The sound of the door hadn't come from the direction that Steve had gone, instead El stands up and looks through the doorway that leads to the front door. 

Someone had just come into Steve's home. Coming uninvited isn't uncommon, everyone in the (extended) party uses Steve's home as their own and they all know where the spare key is kept: under the doormat. Steve had also made it clear that if anyone needs her, that she'll be there for that person, or people. 

The problem is, Steve is getting changed in a dress and absolutely nobody can see that; it's dangerous. 

She is ready to throw whoever it is out but when El sees that it's Robin that steps through the doorway El's frown deepens, unsure how to get rid of Steve's best friend without arousing her suspicion.

Robin stops when she sees El in the living room, frowning slightly but smiling in greeting anyway as she waves, awkwardly. 'Hi, El. Where's Steve?' El doesn't reply and bites her lip before she says quietly, crossing her arms and lowering her head, 

'You have to leave.' She scuffles her feet on the ground as she waits for Robin to speak. When she doesn't, El lifts her head up, juts her chin out stubbornly and repeats herself. 'You have to leave.'

Robin still doesn't reply. Her furrowed brows have met in the middle of her forehead and she looks at El warily, her eyes moving past her to the bag on the couch. El moves to block her view.

'Max said you've got something for me,' Robin ventures, gesturing to the bag El is trying to block with her body. 

There's an awkward silence in which El mentally berates herself for telling Max about that, and for taking Max with her at all. She should've gone shopping alone, then she would've been able to keep Steve's secret better. Unfortunately, El isn't really good with shops, especially alone, having not really shopped in the past and never without Max apart from that one time where she just pretty much robbed the store of all their Eggos.

In her own defence, she hadn't known better however now she has risked Steve. Lack of better planning on her part.

She's about to reply, give a flimsy excuse, but right then Steve walks back into the room, in the dress, unaware that there's someone else in the room apart from El.

She freezes seeing Robin but it's too late because Robin had turned at the sound of footsteps down the hall and has seen Steve, in the dress, and there's no way to explain this and El has failed Steve's trust. 

She grimaces and whispers quietly, 'I told you to leave.' Robin doesn't react, maybe she didn't hear her. She's still staring at Steve, Steve who has the dress and that shiny thing on her lips that she'd used at Scoops Ahoy.

Steve is clearly panicking, opening and closing her mouth like a fish but with no sound coming out. El looks on, also stressed but not as much as Steve who is surely seeing everything crash around her head as her best friend stares in shock, not saying anything either.

It's totally silent for a few more moments, nobody speaking, but then Steve breaks down, for the second time in the last ten minutes. El feels bad for her, for the turmoil of emotions Steve must be feeling but she doesn't know how to help and the and the only sound in the house is Steve swearing miserably as she goes and throws herself onto the couch, careful to not sit on El's bag (caring even now of the feelings of the kids).

It startles both of the other girls, especially Robin who hadn't seen her previous breakdown but it seems to restart her as she immediately snaps back to herself and goes to sit down next to Steve, holding her shoulders as Steve cries into her hands. 

El stays standing, feeling out of place, but the second she makes a move to go, Steve's head shoots up, and through tears El's begged to stay. She does so of course and sits down on Steve's other side, smiling as reassuringly as she can. She even holds Steve's hand and, seeing this, Robin does likewise with Steve's other one. That's when Robin finally speaks.

'Steve, hey. Uh, I didn't- I see you and El are doing something. You're busy, I didn't mean to intrude.' She stumbles clumsily over her words but Steve doesn't comment, just sniffles, and El stays silent beside her.

'I don't care if you like to wear dresses, Steve. Good for you, actually. Wear what you want. What would Eddie say? Uh, fuck forced conformity. Yeah! I won't judge you for your fashion. Wear dresses, hell, wear anything you like just to piss people off; I'll join you.' Steve shakes her head miserably and leans back onto the couch, facing the ceiling, avoiding looking at neither of the girls beside her. 

'That isn't what this is Robin,' she says, miserably and El is of the impression that if Steve was to lower her head to look at either of them she'd lose her nerve and shut up or run away.

'I don't just want to dress like a girl.' Steve says every word as if they pain her but the truth is out and Steve can't avoid this, can't seemingly hide this part of herself from her best friend any longer. 

El realises that this must've been eating Steve from the inside out this whole time, ever since Vecna.

She can't imagine what it must've been like, keeping this huge part of herself from everyone, even her closest friends. She can imagine the isolation Steve felt, having felt it herself for different reasons (her powers and feeling like a monster because of them) but still, El can't begin to understand being completely alone with it, with not even one person at least knowing about them, if not sharing this thing with her.

Steve is all alone and it makes El's heart bleed for her. 'Robin,' Steve continues, bringing El's attention back to the conversation, 'I don't just want to dress like a girl. That's- that's not what this is. I don't really know how to say it, or explain it, and I know you'll probably think I'm a freak but you're my best friend and I don't want to lose you, which is why I haven't said anything.' Before Steve can continue Robin butts in.

She has a determined expression on her face and squeezes Steve's hand as she states, quietly but firmly, 'I love you, Steve. Platonically of course,' she adds, causing Steve to snort quietly, 'But I love you all the same. This just makes me feel shitty and like a shitty friend, you know? This is a big thing about yourself that you felt like you can't tell me. I mean, most boys don't wear skirts and I know that and you know that and that you kept this from me makes me feel like you were scared to and obviously you shouldn't be because I won't judge or anything - I promise.' 

Her rambles stop abruptly and she looks at Steve with a sheepish smile, embarrassed at her long, winding words. Steve doesn't seem to care. She smiles, tears in her eyes, and pulls Robin into a tight hug, chuckling wetly into her shoulder when she holds her back just as tight.

'Yeah. Yeah, I know, you're a great friend Robin. It's just scary. God, it's so scary.' She's about to say something, but glances at El and prevents herself. Robin's face softens at this. 'I've told you about liking boys and you were okay with it, but this is something completely different. I was terrified, still am, of it, and truthfully?' She takes a deep, shuddering breath and looks away when she continues. 'This is shit. I hate it; I hate this. I hate being and feeling like this.' 

Robin squeezes her hand again, empathetically, and nods her head in understanding. 'I know. I know what that's like. It's horrible, but there's always someone else like you out there, you are never alone, there is nothing in which you can ever be alone. So, Steve, what is it you want to tell me?'

The admission is quiet when it comes, but in the silent Harrington house, which is too big for a small boy like Steve who's all alone in it, the words ring out loud and clear, 'I want to be a girl.'

Robin doesn't say anything, just reinstates the hug, holding Steve even closer to her, showing her acceptance with no need for words. 

El feels out of place, and like an intruder watching this, but she doesn't want to move, lest she upset an already unhappy Steve further.

'If you want to be a girl, Steve, then you already are one,' Robin whispers firmly. 'Is it she/her pronouns then? No he? I just want to know what to say, to not upset you. I mean, I sometimes don't like being called she, you know? And it makes me feel weird and icky.' Steve winces and pulls away from Robin, resting his back against the couch again.

'That's the problem, Robin! Sometimes it's perfectly fine! Like, yeah, I'm a boy, I'm a he, I've got a dick, whatever. It doesn't matter, and I'm fine, and on days like that I feel like I've just made the whole thing up but then I wake up the next day and it's like something has shifted inside me and everything feels wrong and I want to throw up.' 

Robin doesn't say anything, clearly at a loss of understanding, but fortunately El has read about this. 'That's normal, Steve,' she says, reminding the two older teens that she's there. They both turn to her and El continues, if a bit bashful.

'It's okay if you don't feel one way all the time. I read a little bit about that. The book said something about gender and sexuality being fluid and maybe that's what you are?' She's pretty sure but she still phrases that last part as a question in case she's incorrect.

Steve doesn't say anything, just sighs. Robin's reaction is more positive. 'Yeah, what El said! She might be right, Steve. Maybe your gender is fluid. It's okay if sometimes you want to be a girl but not always.' She pauses then says, tentatively, 'It's also okay to feel like neither. That's a thing Steve, just like liking both. It's like being in the middle. What do you think?' Steve still doesn't reply.

She lifts her socked feet up onto the couch and buries her face in them, also curling her arms around her legs, effectively letting go of El and Robin. She doesn't cry, just stays like that, quiet and still.

Robin and El share a look. Robin has seen Steve do this before, as his best friend, but she never knew how to help with it; El has never seen this happen to Steve, or anyone, before, and has no answers. 

When Robin reaches out to touch Steve she shakes her head and tightens her grip on her legs. Robin withdraws the hand. It's quiet again for a long while as Steve doesn't move and El looks at Robin unsure what to do. 

They stay that way for some time, Steve curled in on herself, Robin wringing her hands, El shifting in place, until Steve abruptly straightens.

She stands up awkwardly, smoothing out her skirt where it had rolled up; the rustle of the fabric loud in the silence. 

Neither of the other two girls say anything but they glance at each other as Steve leaves, going back through the doorway she had returned from in the dress. 

They're unsure of what to do. On one hand they should probably follow Steve, to make sure she's alright, but on the other she might not want anyone there. Robin makes the choice.

'Come on El, Steve can't be left alone with her thoughts,' she says, making sure to refer to Steve as correctly as she can, and strides off with purpose, El scrambling to follow her. 

Steve's in her room, the door to which she'd left ajar. El hopes she's not dressing, it's a possibility she left to get out of the dress. El hopes she hasn't, it looked good on her. 

Robin opens it gingerly, and pokes her head in, blocking El's vision in the process. By her lack of reaction, El deduces that Steve isn't undressed. She doesn't move out of the way, though.

'Steve?' Robin whispers, hovering in the doorway. She gets a grunt in reply. Taking it as an invitation Robin steps into the room and motions El to follow her.

'Heya, Steve.' Robin says, sitting down beside Steve on the bed and hesitantly wrapping an arm around her. She gets a quiet 'Hey.' back, in reply. 

Steve is still wearing the dress but he looks miserable, something El didn't want to see him feel whilst in it. She'd bought the dress to make Steve feel better, not worse. Unfortunately, her goodwill seems to have not been enough as Steve has a sad frown gracing her face. 

She's on the edge of the bed with Robin, ankles crossed and hovering slightly above the floor. El joins them, mimicking Steve's stance. 

'I just feel like a freak you know?' Steve murmurs into the quiet - seemingly not wanting to disturb it. She'd mentioned this feeling before but it's clearly bothering her. El wished she could help, desperately, but she doesn't know how. Robin doesn't seem to wither, but she tries.

'Well, Steve, so what if you're a freak?' Steve looks up at her, an "excuse me?" painted on her face. El nearly giggles at it, the offence that Steve took at Robin's words although, just a second ago, she had been saying the exact same thing. Robin rushes to clarify.

'I mean, being a freak isn't that bad, you know? I'm a freak. I'm in band and a lesbian.' El looks up at that. She hadn't known Robin is a lesbian, but she knows that means Robin likes girls. And she'd just said it, without a hint of fear. El admired her for that, she knew it must be hard in a world where El had recently learnt didn't accept people like Robin and Steve. 

Plus, despite the lack of a reaction from Steve which led to El deciding that Steve probably knew already, Robin had essentially just come out to El. She hadn't had to, but she did anyway, as a way to reassure Steve. 

El smiles to show her support, hoping it's the right way to react without taking the spotlight, and although Robin's expression, proud and without a trace of shame, tells her that she didn't need El's support, she is clearly glad of it anyway. 

'I'm a freak,' Robin carries on, 'And you know what? I'll own it. I don't want to be like everyone else. You should own it, too. Not out in public, obviously, unless you want to do that, in which case go on, I'll stand by your side, but you don't have to. It's enough to be true to yourself.' Steve blinks, turning her head to look at his best friend and Robin groans, a sheepish smile on her face.

'I'm no good at this. I know that sounds cheesy, I'm sorry.' She hides her face in her hands, only to peek out again a second later when Steve giggles. It takes El by surprise but clearly the mood has lightened, so she doesn't complain. 'No, you're alright,' Steve reassures, putting an arm around Robin. Since Robin already had one around Steve they are now in an awkward sort of side embrace. 

'Eddie embraces it in public,' Steve muses. 'It's a known fact that he kisses boys under the bleachers, but he isn't ashamed. I always admired him for that, even when I was in high school and friends with Tommy, although I didn't know why Eddie "the freak" Munson was admirable to me at the time.' 

Even El had heard something about this. Dustin had sent her a letter telling her all about his new friend and he'd mentioned the rumours circling around Eddie but said he didn't believe them. Maybe there's more truth to them than he thought.

Robin nods along as if she'd known about Eddie too, and she says comfortingly, 'If you want, you could probably talk to him about it. You're on somewhat good terms now, right?'

They are, on better than just good terms, actually. Steve and Eddie had made fast friends after the Upside Down. Whereas, from what El had heard, Steve and her team were facing Vecna, mentally for Steve, Eddie and his team were the distraction.

Telling Kali to aid the Hawkins gang had turned out to be a very good idea. She and her friends had come in only a short matter of time, having been hunting Papa's men in the nearby area, and had proven to be the leverage in a case of life or death. 

When the demobats had come to the distraction, Eddie, Funshine and Axel were quickly overwhelmed. They'd had to sprint into the trailer and huddle together when the demobats assaulted the structure with a force that bent metal, but they'd kept each other safe and made sure no one was left behind.

Funshine and Axel had even stood their ground with Eddie after he had run back out, in an effort to keep the demobats away from the people going after Vecna. He said later that he was afraid that with the distraction gone they'd go back to defend their master and he couldn't let that happen. 

Funshine and Axel had run after him, cursing him, but not letting him face the swarm alone and although they all got off with deep scars, they all lived; Steve had reprimanded Eddie to hell and back when she'd found out but had stopped halfway through her scolding to hug Eddie tight.

That's when their friendship had truly begun and ever since then they had been glued at the hip, just like Steve was with Robin. They were at each other's houses more often than not, having sleepovers to get through the night. They comforted each other through nightmares and had made their own inside jokes fast. 

They got so close that Dustin had begun to get jealous but that was shut down fast by both Steve and Eddie, reminding Dustin that he is still their favourite kid. He still got jealous but he didn't sulk as much about it and let Steve and Eddie be.

'I don't know Robin, this is different from just kissing boys. Obviously people still get bothered for that but I can only imagine…' she sighs as she trails off and Robin rubs her arm. 

'No Eddie then. Alright. But you still have me and El! I don't know where you got the dress from but I'm assuming it was El's work and if you want, I'm good at doing makeup so we can try out a look?' She phrases it as a question, letting Steve know she can deny it easily. 

She doesn't. A bright smile splits her face and she nods enthusiastically. Robin returns this, equally excited and El jumps up, practically vibrating with excitement as she says, 'I'll be back with the stuff in a second!' 

She pretty much flies down the stairs, snags the bag as fast as possible and returns to Steve's room, out of breath but shouldering the bag with her shop spoils. Steve brightens again when she sees the bag and shifts slightly to make El more room on the bed although there was already plenty.

'Okay, so, I have skirts, dresses, accessories and even a makeup set so whatever you guys want to do, I brought it. Hopefully.' Robin snatches the bag and shifts through it, eyes lighting up and every thing she sees.

'El, this is amazing! Thank you.' She takes out the makeup set and puts it down beside her for later use then continues rummaging through the bag.

In the end, Steve stays in the dress she'd picked out but has her hair braided and a spatter of makeup on her face. Her eyes are lined with black, pink tints her lips and a rosy blush rides high on her cheeks. Steve looks gorgeous; El says as much. 

A bashful smile creeps onto Steve's face and she looks down shyly. 'You think?' she says, voice carrying a tentatively hopeful note. Robin nods, decisively,

'Positive.' It's enough to make a grin that splits Steve's face appear. She laughs and it holds a giddiness to it that makes El start laughing too, followed on by Robin who can't help but laugh when other people laugh.

Then Steve's smile drops. Robin immediately moves to comfort him but Steve just groans and Robin retracts the hand and settles for a 'What's wrong?' 

Steve looks torn, and embarrassed, but takes a deep breath and replies. 'That thing with telling Eddie, there's one more reason I don't want to say anything to him.' El frowns but Robin slaps a hand over her mouth in understanding. 'I mean, he knows I like him, we made out for fucks sake, but I pushed him away and- I don't know.'

Robin uncovers her mouth and asks, 'Didn't you two talk about it?' She gets a humourless laugh in reply that answers that question quite well but Steve speaks anyway. 

'No. No, we didn't. We ignored it. We didn't talk, we didn't reference, we didn't try to repeat, we just became friends and buried that under it all. Stupid, I know, but I didn't know how to approach the subject. The only reason I pushed him away is this and I've already told you, wanting to be a girl or whatever is different from kissing boys. I didn't want to tell him anything and for him to pry.' 

Robin and El ponder upon the problem but the obvious answer is stark in their minds. They both look at each other then tentatively turn to Steve. 'Steve,' Robin begins quietly, 'You have to talk to him about it.' She opens her mouth to argue but El shuts her down.

'Robin's right. It's not fair to Eddie, and it's not fair to you. You need to tell them. If not about being a girl, then at the very least that you do like him but had been going through a little and weren't ready. This is clearly eating you from the inside out and has been festering. You need to sort it out.' 

That's how Stevie found themselves in their car, a month later, driving to Eddie's for a "movie night". 

They'd meant to go sooner but couldn't sum up the courage. In truth, they still don't have it but Robin had pushed them out of the door the second they had changed out of their Family Video uniform to go and sort it out. 

Stevie winces and one of their hands go to his wrist where two bracelets lay. One is black, the other yellow. Robin had given them to them a while back. After finding out about Stevie's struggle with gender she'd asked in depth questions about how she feels on certain days about certain things. In the end they had decided that Stevie's gender is probably fluid and acted accordingly. 

If Stevie is feeling more like a woman then Robin (and El) would call her Stevie and, if they were alone, would try to get used to using she and her pronouns. They couldn't do it in public, so that was the best they could do. It was enough, Stevie said.

Sometimes Stevie felt like a "they" and Robin accepted that, too. El was with them sometimes for these chats but Robin was Stevie's best friend and knew how to get to them just right. She was the one that reassured Stevie most, that came up with the idea of the bracelets that would help the ones that knew what to look for know if it was Steve or Stevie that day.

"Steve" was still okay, on occasion. Sometimes Steve felt like the man he's supposed to be. When that was the case, he'd have a purple bracelet on his wrist, that indicated to Robin and El that it was Steve that day, the Steve everyone else knew him as. Those days were the easiest as everyone else used Steve and he and him and boy and man anyway. It was where everyone got it right, where Steve felt safest. 

The days where it was just "they", the days a black bracelet graced their wrist, were alright. It wasn't perfect, "he" itched their skin unpleasantly on those days but there wasn't an urge to be feminine which could get them hate crimes like on the "she days". Stevie called them "she days" as if they were a phase that would pass quickly, like an unpleasant breeze.

They didn't. The last "she days" have already been going on for the past month. Stevie thought it might be an everyday switch, had thought on certain days that she was a he but that whole time she had been Stevie and it hadn't changed. Robin told her to stop forcing herself to be a boy, that it was harmful and Stevie had left the yellow bracelet on. Black had joined it three days ago. 

Stevie didn't know how to explain it, but she just knew when to wear what bracelet, Robin accepted it without an explanation. So did El.

Now, Stevie is driving towards Eddie's, under the guise of a movie night, to come out. She'd battled and battled with herself whether to do it, whether to just give an excuse, but she really does like Eddie and doesn't want to keep this big part of herself from him, doesn't want to be called he on her she days by the one she loves. 

Stevie pauses that train of thought. She's always been too quick to fall in love, and she and Eddie weren't even together yet, might never be. Her feelings were once again getting ahead of the situation, just like they had with Nancy, and how had that ended? 

She tries to pause those thoughts and succeeds when they entered the trailer park. Eddie and his uncle had gotten a new, government issued trailer after the whole (fourth) Upside Down fiasco and now lived in a slightly nicer part of the trailer park. It isn't the best, it is still the trailer park but the trailer itself is bigger and therefore better.  

Stevie has been in it many times since the Munsons had settled in, and has pretty much become part of the family with how often she is over. 

At first, Wayne had been cautious of her. Steve understood; she is the "son" of Richard Harrington and used to be King Steve in High School. Wayne had a right to not like her. Like Eddie though, he'd thawed. Soon, she was a welcome guest and missed when not present. It warmed Stevie's heart to be wanted, although Wayne and Eddie still didn't know about her and called her by the wrong things.

Stevie turns and parks next to Eddie's van. Wayne's van is not present as he's at work and therefore Stevie and Eddie will have the whole trailer to themselves, and there will be no interruptions. Stevie inhales, trying to muster up the courage to do this. The plan is to settle in with Eddie on the couch to watch the movie and instead of playing it to have a chat, and that's what would happen. Stevie isn't a coward, although by the time she steps out of the car, she still isn't ready. 

She forces herself to knock, despite her nerves. There's a little shuffling in the trailer and then Eddie pokes his head out of a crack in the now unlocked door.

He's still cautious of religious zealots trying to hurt him, or worse. Some jocks had found out Eddie's new address and spray painted some horrible things on it a while back while Eddie was at Dustin's for Dungeons and Dragons with his friends. (Claudia Henderson is a sweetheart and believed immediately that Eddie was innocent when she saw the boy on her doorstep with her son who adored him.)

The jocks had also broken the windows and had returned numerous times since. Eddie is scared that one day they'd break in and try to kill him; when he sees it's just Stevie he opens the door wide and grins. Stevie loves that grin, full of life and although scarred, (the demobats had done a number on him, Axel and Funshine) it was gorgeous. 

Scars littered Eddie's whole body. There was the one that crept up his jaw and pulled when he smiled, the ones on his torso, the few on his legs. Axel and Funshine had some too: reminders of their fight in the Upside Down that they'd taken with them when they'd returned with the rest of Kali's gang to wherever they'd come from. They hadn't stayed long; long enough for Kali and El to reunite briefly (they had had to tend to their wounds before departing and it had leaked into two days. They'd stayed at Stevie's during that time.) then made themselves spare.

'Come in!' Eddie says, his smile the brightest thing ever at the moment for Stevie, 'Come in, I have the tapes ready.' He bounces away, socked feet taking him into the living room as Stevie enters, closes the door and slips his shoes off. 

The new Munson trailer is very much lived in, just like the old one. There's stuff everywhere; collectables, random bits and bobs, actually important things, trash. It's nothing like the Harrington house where everything has a place and all the rooms must be pristine at all times or else. It's a nice difference.

'You can sit down,' Eddie calls from what Stevie knows is the kitchen, 'I'll be there in a sec.' Stevie does so, fidgeting on her corner of the couch as she hypes herself up for what she knows she has to do. Or, she doesn't have to. She could not tell Eddie; Robin will never force someone to come out when they aren't ready so won't force him to do so. She wants to though, and that's the problem. She wants to, desperately but fear keeps her from letting her secret slip.

She's picking on her yellow bracelet when Eddie comes back, carrying a six pack and popcorn in his arms. He grins over the top of one of the buckets and plops himself down onto the couch, making it dip and consequently making Stevie fall into him, something which Stevie grumbles at good naturedly. She doesn't actually care but Eddie's eyes are twinkling with mischief and Steve loves staring at those beautiful doe eyes, especially when their owner is in a good mood.

'What first, my liege?' Eddie says, hopping off the couch again to put a movie in. There's quite a few to choose from as Eddie had gone to Family Video just that day and Eddie still had some movies that the kids had brought round a while back for movie night with the Party.

Steve pretends to think on the question Eddie had asked, playing along and also using this as an opportunity to stare at Eddie's ass as he bends over to pick some of the tapes up in order to hold them up for Steve to see.

When Eddie straightens with three choices in hand Steve finally replies, playing along with Eddie's banter, 'Hm, I don't know, oh dear Eddie the Banished, perhaps you shall choose for us?' Eddie is holding up the Breakfast Club, the Shining and the first Star Wars movie and Stevie is not in the least surprised when he chooses the last one and pops it in. 

'I hope this shall be to your liking, my dear princess,' Eddie says, bowing low. Stevie blushes, especially at the endearment but tries to hide it when Eddie straightens. It's clear by Eddie's face that it hasn't worked. 

'Oh shut up and sit down,' Steve orders, looking away as she crosses his arms. The pet name hadn't just affected her so strongly because it had come from Eddie, being called "princess" scratched Steve's brain just right and made her flustered when given as an endearment. 

'Bossy,' Eddie tuts, but comes to sit down anyway, starting the movie as he wraps an arm around Stevie and pulls her towards him to rest against his side. Stevie yelps as he does it but Eddie just laughs and cuddles her closer, making obnoxious kissing noises above her that make Stevie laugh.

In the end she forgets about telling Eddie as they melt back into their usual easy conversation and teasing. Stevie has seen Star Wars before, with Dustin, and Eddie has seen it dozens of times by now but they both try to predict the next scene in the movie as if it's their first time watching. 

It's comfortable, in the conversation and against Eddie's side, and Stevie only remembers about what she had actually come here to do when Eddie says, 'You know, if you liked the name princess so much, I'm afraid you won't ever be safe again. You are now princess Stevie and you can't do anything about it. Denounce your masculinity because I have declared you now a babygirl. I will not be taking any criticism at this time, thank you.' 

Stevie laughs initially but then quietens as the weight of Eddie's words hit her, how she actually wants that to be true. Eddie is obviously not being serious, it's a joke. People always joked (meanly) about how Steve could never take a joke which is why she's trying to not take it too close to heart but the problem is, she does. 

She wants all that Eddie had just said, although Eddie wasn't for real. He seems to sense the dampening of Stevie's mood as he shifts slightly, straightening and putting a little distance between them in order to be able to look Steve properly in the face. 

'Hey, Steve. Everything alright?' he says, brows furrowed. 'I was joking, you know. If you don't want me to call you that then I won't.' 

He's saying that as if Stevie's problem is with the teasing when it's not. Obviously Eddie can't know better, Stevie hasn't mentioned her inner turmoil, hasn't come out, but it's still frustrating, the mistake, as is Stevie's fear of correcting it.

'Steve? I'm sorry; I upset you,' Eddie says, trying again to apologise. Stevie can't take it, Eddie blaming himself for something but having it all backwards so she sighs and musters what she hopes is a reassuring smile as she replies softly,

'You didn't, Eddie. I just. I need to tell you something, okay? Something important.' Eddie nods but shuffles uncomfortably, clearly still thinking he fucked up. Stevie shuts that down real quick.

'I'm not upset, Eddie,' she states, leaving no room for argument. 'You're fine.' That calms him a little and although he doesn't stop shifting in place, the guiltiness has left the action. Stevie continues,

'You didn't upset me, but you reminded me that we need to talk about a topic I have been stalling a conversation for for a while now.' Eddie goes a deep crimson and chuckles awkwardly. Stevie has to admit that the colour is pretty on him but she doesn't really get to stare long because then Eddie is saying 'If this is about our kiss-' and Stevie has to clear up that it absolutely is not. Well, for the most part.

'No, no, that's not what this is about. At all. Well, a little but not really. Or, well, not in the way you think? Um.' Stevie needs to stop hanging out with Robin, her rambling has rubbed off on him. Thankfully, Eddie doesn't seem to mind it, and although red still graces his face, he leans back as if indicating that the floor is all Stevie's.

She doesn't know whether that's a good thing because yes she needs to talk to Eddie but she doesn't really want to, not about this.

'We've kissed, right? Right,' Stevie starts, awkwardly. 'And I pushed you away, but it isn't because we- you did nothing wrong, I just, you know, well yeah I kind of um. I have this thing and I was, am, really insecure, or well, that's not the word for it, but I'm scared to tell people and it was kind of making me uncomfortable with it, our kiss; I like you a lot but there's this thing that put a damper on the mood and I didn't want to tell you anything was wrong so I. Didn't. Yeah.' 

Eddie blinks, slowly, and the trailer is quiet but for the movie playing on screen. He seems to be trying to process Stevie's barely decipherable word vomit and Stevie doesn't blame him for being unable to understand.

'So,' Eddie says finally after a while of thinking, 'You pushed me away because of something private that made you uncomfortable slash insecure. You're still scared to tell me but you want to, I'm guessing? That's why you're telling me all this?' Stevie breathes out a sigh of relief and nods, but doesn't say anything, waiting for Eddie's answer to it all.

'Wait, to clear it up, you do like me, right?' Eddie says, a hopeful smile on his face. Stevie hastily nods and then blushes at her own enthusiasm. 

'Yes! Yes. I do like you; a lot.' Eddie lets his smile stretch into a grin that graces his face and then goes back to the matter at hand. It's admirable how he controls himself and his expressions. Stevie has seen him derail entire conversations with three separate topics on four separate occasions and is sure he's done it plenty more times when Stevie isn't there. Eddie can just talk for hours about the most random thing if left uninterrupted and Stevie finds it endearing. 

This time he doesn't derail the conversation, doesn't get distracted by the TV, stays with the original topic. Stevie never minds the interruptions, gets invested in what Eddie has to say even if she doesn't understand half of it, but she is grateful that this time Eddie takes their conversation and focuses on it completely. 

'Okay, then Stevie. Tell me what it is you need to say. I promise I won't judge whatever it is.' That's all he says before letting Stevie take the spotlight again but it isn't enough, Stevie still isn't ready. 

She fidgets and chuckles awkwardly as Eddie waits, eyes on her. Eddie had promised not to judge but how far did that actually go? Far enough, or not quite?

'Whatever you think I'm going to say it's not that so do you promise to not judge?' Stevie trusts Eddie, and his promise. They do, they just need reassurance. 

'Yes, Stevie. I promise. I won't judge, ever. I said this, and I'm not a liar.' Stevie exhales deeply and nods to herself. She does want to tell Eddie and therefore will, it's just so scary. This must be how Robin had felt coming out to Steve in the bathroom stall of Starcourt Mall; Stevie hates the feeling and feels guilty that Robin had to feel it with her. Her solace is that she had accepted Robin so maybe Eddie will accept her.

'I'm genderfluid.' Stevie says it in a rush, just wanting to get it out quick. 

El had shown her the few books she had collected and Stevie was confident in what she is now. She hopes Eddie knows what she meant because she really doesn't want to explain. It would make this whole thing more terrifying. It doesn't seem like she'll have to. Eddie blinks, bewildered, but clearly understands what Steve had said as he says slowly, 'Well. You were right. I, uh, was not expecting that.

'I'm not saying it's a bad thing though,' he rushes to clarify after he sees Stevie's kicked puppy look start to appear. 'Not at all! Come on, I'm Eddie the freak Munson! I don't care if you're a queer or whatever. That's, like, my job too.' Stevie scrubs a hand over the back of her neck,

'Yeah but liking boys and wanting to be a girl and a boy as one person are two different things. I still hadn't really come to terms with it when we kissed; Vecna had shown me this part of myself and it wasn't in a nice way either. I was scared and alone and then El found out and then Robin and both those times were accidents. 

'I was scared, still am, and although they reacted well I couldn't be sure and I had no control over them finding out, which was terrifying. I'm telling you, this time I'm coming out on my own terms but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't even more nerve wracking than being walked in on with a dress on by Robin.'

Eddie seems to process that information, especially that last part but he doesn't comment. He just moves to wrap Stevie tightly in a hug. Stevie initially freezes but then hugs back just as tight. She had needed this. 'I would never judge you over something like that, Stevie,' Eddie murmurs into Stevie's hair, and Stevie believes him, tightening her hold on his back and letting tears of relief fall as Eddie repeats into her hair, softly, 'I would never judge you.' Stevie believes him. Stevie believes him and isn't scared to explain the bracelets and her feelings when they pull away from each other. 

Eddie doesn't say anything, just smiles as he listens, letting Stevie ramble for once.