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He took a deep breath and walked into the café. He kept his head down as he quickly passed the counter and other customers before collapsing on the chair in the very back that had a sign “reserved for Blondie” on it. Normally, the sign that was decorated with a bunch of hearts (and tiny penises, though Ed claimed they were just badly drawn flowers) would make him smile but today he wasn’t in the mood. He felt like he was going to cry. Of course, he managed to screw up something so simple, of course, he did.
“Hello, welcome to Blackbeard’s Coffee and Chill. Here’s your coffee substitute tea, and now you can chill with Blackbeard,” said Ed sitting opposite of him, looking as beautiful as ever.
He quietly grabbed the mug. It was the one with rosy maple moths he and Ed picked up two months ago at a flea market. He traced the pink wings as he tried to stop the tears from spilling.
This was their time together. It was supposed to be a happy time. Why did he always have to ruin everything with his wailing?
Ever since Stede walked through the door, he could sense something was off. Instead of going to the counter and annoying Izzy, he went straight to his chair in the back.
That wouldn’t do. He grabbed Stede’s favourite mug, the one with weird insects, and moved into action.
He made Stede’s favourite calming tea (the one that tasted like a flower garden, including the aftertaste of dirt) and sat down.
“What’s wrong, Blondie?” he said gently after Stede barely reacted to his intro, moving a blonde curl behind his ear.
Stede stayed silent.
He suddenly got an idea. If the moths with dirt tea didn’t help, maybe something else would. He quickly got up and ran to the counter where Izzy was preparing drinks, looking even more grumpy now that he had to wear a red and green Christmas hat with candy canes for the season.
“What’s wrong with your boo? Did his shoes get wet, that he looks like he’ll start to cry at any moment?”
He rolled his eyes, though the choice of words surprised him. “Boo? Really, Izzy? Where did that come- OH MY GOD!” he yelled when the realisation hit him.
Izzy went completely red like the strawberry syrup he was just putting into someone’s Stab Me Santa milkshake (a holiday special).
“Shut up!”
He laughed. He and that little shit from Stede’s job? Gosh, what a duo, or a trio since he was sure Lucius was still dating that bald guy as well.
“Shut up, and collect your boyfriend before he mopes so much, our floor won’t need cleaning.”
He turned to Stede who still sat there like the cutest pile of misery he ever saw. He gave Izzy a middle finger and quickly went to work.
He used his secret stash of the finest hot chocolate, dropped in a chopped-up banana, and a little bit of cinnamon, and topped it with whipped cream with tiny candy cane sprinkles on top.
He brought his proud creation to the man he chose as the love of his life: “One drink for the cutest person in the café.”
Stede gave him a tiny sad smile, accepting the drink, and taking a small sip. His eyes closed in delight: “What’s that?”
“A Christmas Special.”
He looked a bit confused: “Christmas Special? Don’t remember that being on the holiday specials menu?”
Of course, Stede remembered what was on their holiday menu, he helped to make it after all. His mind wandered for a bit to the evenings they spent together just taste-testing the silliest drinks they could come up with and then just to be sure, tasting how it tasted on the other person. It was for science. It was incredible.
He moved to wipe a tiny bit of whipped cream that stayed in the corner of Stede’s mouth: “You see, it’s our secret menu, only the most special people get it.”
He could see Stede cheer up a bit: “Am I the most special person?”
“You know you are, Blondie,” he moved to cuddle him.
“Does that mean I will get something special?”
That little shit.
“You bet you do,” he kissed his cheek, “But now, tell me what’s wrong.”
Stede shrunk back like he suddenly remembered he was miserable, gripping the mug tightly: “I screwed up at work.”
“I’m sure it’s nothi-”
“I managed to lose our biggest possible client today.”
Oh. He brought him closer: “I’m sure it’s not that bad…”
“It is, Ed, I made her so mad. I was told to be smooth and nice and to make her trust us, and all I did was to make her angry and possibly drop our company altogether.”
He squeezed his hand encouragingly: “You need to accept that not everyone will like you, darling. Sometimes you’ll just stumble upon people who don’t like ya.”
Stede buried his face into his shoulder, mumbling: “I stumble upon them often.”
“What was that?”
“I- I stumble upon them often, Ed. Most people don’t like me, you know.”
He placed a kiss on his head: “Well, then fuck most people.”
Stede blushed but soon his face went back to moping: “Yeah, but this time my unlikableness could cost my company a lot of money. Our client’s a very rich woman who wants to get married but her previous husband is refusing to sign divorce papers, so a relatively easy case, and I screwed up, Ed, and I angered her, and for a good reason. I accidentally broke her aquarium, if you could call that dirty fishless globe that, but apparently it was a gift from her fourth most favourite husband. Honestly, don’t wanna know what her less favourite husbands got her.”
Ah good, so there was at least a bit of bitchiness left in Stede so the situation wasn’t completely helpless. But then his brain processed Stede’s words fully and he froze, and then started laughing: “Wait, you’ve got to be kidding me. You’re the fancy blonde destroyer?”
“Fancy blonde what?”
“Fancy blonde destroyer! Gosh, Jackie was so mad at you!”
Stede turned to him confused: “What?”
“Yes, she called me today at lunchtime about how some idiot broke her aquarium!”
“You know her?!”
“Yeah, had a side gig as a bartender in her bar a long time ago, left after it turned out that a bar is not the best place to work for a recovered alcoholic. I mean who could have guessed that, right? And I also met Izzy there,” he nodded towards the counter where Izzy was making another Slap Me Santa milkshakes for a group of what seemed to be four foreign exchange students.
Right now it was their most popular holiday special this year. It was pretty tasty, though its popularity might have also come from the fact that people were just too embarrassed to order their other holiday special - Ride Me Like a Reindeer.
“Gosh, she won’t believe me, once I’ll tell her my sexy blonde lawyer is her fancy blonde destroyer. What a small world! Cannot believe she got to meet you before I introduced you!”
Stede pouted: “Now, you are just making fun of my pain.”
He kissed those lips, just quick pecks, “I’m a big,” kiss, “big,” another kiss, “meanie,” kiss, “But anyway, I can just call Jackie and tell her to meet us here tonight and tell her to hire you back, and then everything will be okay. Problem solved.”
“Will it though? I don’t wanna get you in trouble?”
“Oh, trust me, she may seem scary at first glance but she has a great sense of humour and she’s a true romantic at heart. After all, she’s still a sucker for happy endings even after being married nineteen times!”
“Twenty times soon,” said Stede, finally fully smiling.
“Yeah, trust me, it’ll be alright,” he kissed his cheek, “now drink your Christmas Special, and I’ll take care of the rest, Blondie.”
Later that day
He was fidgeting. This would be the first time he would see Jackie since the aquarium disaster.
He didn’t mean to do it, really, he simply slipped and grabbed the first thing that was in his way. He tried to offer her money as compensation right after it happened but he was almost literally kicked out to the street with a ban for life before he could even pull out his wallet.
After that, he didn’t have the strength to return back to the office to report his failure. No need to destroy the holiday cheer, well, at least not until tomorrow. Or maybe everything will magically solve as Ed seemed to think but he doubted it. He called it the Bonnet curse, everything good always seemed to go wrong after a while.
He once again smoothed his shirt, his insides twisting, feeling like he was waiting for a death sentence. A warm hand slipped into his and he, at least for a moment, let his worries melt in those warm chocolate eyes of his boyfriend.
His boyfriend. He still couldn’t believe he got so lucky. His gorgeous boyfriend who made him special drinks, who always made sure he was okay, and who snored like an entire army (nobody’s perfect), and if he was honest, he didn’t think he could properly sleep without the noisy army ever again.
This thought made his heart squeeze. Ed was (almost) perfect, what did he have to offer in return? He literally came from work just to cry on Ed’s shoulder. He was always whiney, needy, and stupid. His blonde curls refused to stay in place, his clothes matching but ridiculous as many would say, his-
He was pulled from his self-deprecating thoughts by a hand on his chin: “Stop it.”
“You don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Yes, I know full well what you were thinking. You were being mean to yourself again,” he pressed closer to him, kissing his hair, “You know that I won’t tolerate anyone being mean to my boyfriend, including my boyfriend.”
He chuckled, feeling more at ease: “Sorry-”
They were interrupted by the bell above the door.
Jackie was a woman that was definitely scary at a first glance, and to him honestly even upon a tenth one, but Ed didn’t seem to be intimidated in the slightest and went straight to opening his arms, hugging her.
“Long time no see, Jackie. Can I make you anything from the menu?”
“Is Ride Me Like a Reindeer a promise?”
Ed laughed and pointed towards him: “I’m afraid that counts only for sexy blonde lawyers. But I can ask Izzy if he’s up for the challenge.”
He could tell the exact moment her eyes landed on him: “What the fuck?!”
His mind became a mush: “Hello! I just wanted to say, I’m really sorry about that aquarium, I didn’t really mean to do it. You see, I’m just clumsy, you know, that’s a relatively normal trait. I mean I’m relatively normal in other aspects as well. Though some people don’t seem to like my clothes, but Ed does, right dear? And I will, of course, pay you for it. The aquarium, I mean. I wanted to do that back in the bar but you really didn’t seem to listen and I understand, I would be also angry if somebody broke something dear to me but I swear it was just an accident which is why I really want to apologise- Please reconsider our company. It’s just that your case is very important to us and I can of course step away, if that’s what you prefer, and connect you to some of our other brilliant lawyers. For example, Oluwande is pretty cool. Though he is now on holiday so you would have to wait a bit. Maybe Jim? No, they are on holiday as well. How about Lucius? He is pretty capable and sassy, you might like him as…”
“Does he always have long conversations with himself?”
Ed gave Jackie Ride Me Like a Reindeer and leaned over the counter looking amused: “He’s just way too adorable when he rambles.”
He blushed at the comment as Jackie looked between them: “Really? This is your sexy blonde lawyer? Mister fancy blonde destroyer?”
“Well, I always liked troublemakers,” he winked at him.
“Yeah, but those troublemakers usually were one step away from jail not one step from having a mental breakdown,” Jackie took a sip of Ride Me Like a Reindeer, “Hmm, not bad for your holiday special.”
Ed smiled: “Well, that’s because Stede came up with that. Lavender white hot chocolate with ground peppermint sticks, with a candied cherry on top.”
“Yes, a red cherry like Rudolph’s red nose,” he piped up, “I originally wanted a candied orange but it sadly didn’t fit the theme.”
He felt proud of his creation, especially after the disaster that was his Halloween Carve Me Into a Pumpkin special.
Jackie stared at him for a bit, checking him out, before commenting, “Okay, I can kind of see it. He's kind of adorable, like a pet,” before he could feel offended, she continued, “So here’s the deal, blonde Ed’s guy, you will pay for the aquarium and buy me a new one, my choice, of course, and then we will talk about the divorce, preferably somewhere where you won’t destroy my property. Now I don’t give second chances often so remember, don’t fail me twice.”
He nodded.
She took another sip of her drink, “Oh, and if you break Ed’s heart, I know where you work,” he nodded again, suddenly feeling very intimidated, “Now if you excuse me, I have a bar to run, so until we meet again!”
Jackie walked out with a spring in her step, closing the door with a bang. It was only after a moment, he realised she took the mug with Ride Me Like a Reindeer with her.
“Ed, she-”
Ed wrapped his arms around him, “I know. That’s a sign she liked it even more than she let on. She’ll bring it back next time,” he nuzzled his hair, “As I said she is a softie if she likes you, and despite your awful first meeting, she must have found something she liked in you. Honestly, at this point, you better watch out or you’ll be her twenty-first husband in no time.”
He laughed, feeling light for the first time since the whole fiasco: “Or maybe you need to watch out, because who knows, maybe what I really want in my life is a bossy rich lady.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“Hmm, well then I’ll have to do something about that, am I right, mister fancy blonde destroyer?”
He gently kissed him, making him melt.
“Well, if you continue with this, mister sexy ex-bartender, then I just might let you make my Christmas special.”
“Deal.”