Chapter Text
Emotions are similar to splashes of paint on a white canvas, like petrichor wafting through the air after rain. Unmistakable. Distinct.
Though, what makes them fascinatingly different from either of those things is the fact that, after the act of identifying and analyzing the emotion is the disappearance of the feeling itself. This suggests some sort of observer effect is in play, but from what Albedo has observed from his fellow colleagues regarding such emotions disproves that hypothesis entirely.
From the evidence Albedo has seen, it seems humans don’t have the…’problem’ (his conclusion on whether or not this is a bad thing or not is still in the works) of strong emotions disappearing after the realization that they are feeling them. Of such strong emotions being so painstakingly vibrant that it fades into the background because of the mere strength of it. Of not understanding them at all till they’re painfully described to him in utmost detail. (Really, it's frankly embarrassing the amount of books he’s read about the brain yet cannot identify such things caused by it most of the time.)
This could possibly be due to the fact that due to his…state of not being human he does not feel emotions, not the ones everyone else does, and rather fake, artificial ones that only exist when he is unaware enough to allow them to. And that, his body, or mind, is not strong enough even for the fake emotions such as intense happiness or melancholic sadness.
The reason could be that if- when- he has to destroy Mondstadt, he is not stopped by actual, real emotions. Humans make illogical actions because of their emotions, so it is not entirely unthinkable that his master made it so he had no ‘real’ emotions in order to not mess with his mission, and then rather decided to give him fake, weak, artificial emotions so he could fit in properly with the human population.
(The thought of destroyingMondstadt brings little, uncomfortable, strong, jitters in his stomach. Those do not feel fake, yet…it would be hard to tell real from fake if he hasn’t felt anything real, wouldn’t it? One only knows what he has experienced.)
He knows thinking about such things isn’t productive, that these words in his mind always go down the same path. Ironed to the crisp, these thoughts, and yet, his mind feels as if they could be dwelled on even more.
It's why he's thankful when the sound of glass hitting hard ground pulls him out of his thoughts, looking behind him to see Sucrose in a state of panic, pieces of broken glass surrounding her feet, eyes wide and already moving to grab a broom.
She covers her mouth with her gloved hand, trepidation in her movements, “S-sorry! I didn’t-”
“It’s all right, I’ll clean it up,” he interrupts, used to such reactions already. Outside the lab, the morose, misty landscape of dragonspine seems to occupy all the sight in front of him. When he looks back at Sucrose, he notes her eyes are dotted in the shadows of weariness. It seems he’s forgotten that humans need sleep.
He berates himself for forgetting such an important detail, and tells Sucrose that she can take rest, who denies her somnolent look till Albedo points out that experimenting while being so tired makes it so a mistake is more likely to happen.
“W-well then. You too, don’t stay up too late, g-goodbye!” Sucrose stumbles out, quickly leaving and disappearing into the vast land of dragonspine.
He wishes she would be less…anxious around him, but the task of that endeavor seems to be moving very slowly. At first, he thought she was scared of him, and he didn’t like that. It seems she is simply…a shy person.
The broom stands carelessly leaning on the table, and when he grabs it to clean up the mess, absentmindedly thinking about an experiment regarding crystal flies and how to use their elemental energy, he feels something snag and pull across his hand, a sense of pain firing to his brain, pulling him out of his thoughts.
When he looks down, he’s greeted to the sight of carmine blood dripping from his palm. It drips, slowly, onto the ground.
Instead of immediately bandaging it, he stares at it, crystalflies forgotten. It never ceases to amaze him how easy it is for him to pass as a human. His master made it so he could bleed like a human, act like a human, and only for it all to end in him supposedly destroying those who he imitates.
It’s not the first time he thinks he’ll never understand his master.
Deciding to be a bit more careful, he cleans up the shattered glass and then bandages his hands, because it would be very irritating to get this place messy with his blood.
He’s about to get started on more experiments when a knock resounds through the room, the only warning he gets till the door opens, a figure relaxedly leaning on the door frame.
Sighing and wanting to rub his hand across his face because he knows he’ll be forced to socialize and simultaneously also have to avoid being talked around in circles. At the very least, it’s good he didn’t come when Albedo was busy staring at his blood like a fool. That would’ve been a peculiar sight to see, and an annoying question to answer.
A deep yet teasing voice echoes in the room, the damn grin on his face being able to be heard just from the tone, and Albedo does not turn around to see if he’s correct, “So, how’s my favorite chief alchemist doing?”
Albedo,setting up beakers on his table, doesn’t miss a beat, responding with a voice unmistakably full of doubt, “As far I’m aware, I’m the only chief alchemist you know.”
“So serious, take the compliment, will you?”
And then he hears the light smack of papers hitting a table, and he catches a glimpse from the corner of his eyes. Ah, Kaeya must be here to get him to analyze some evidence in an investigation.
He doesn’t respond, pouring chemicals into a beaker till Kaeya speaks again, which isn’t very long. The man does not seem to know how to keep quiet.
“The abyss order has been very active lately near Mondstadt, and of course, they’re as frivolous with their attempts of ruin. We found this in one of our investigations.” Kaeya pauses, the soft tap of fingers on wood a great contrast to the personality of the one doing so.
"So you need me to identify what the magic is and what it does, correct?"
"You catch on fast! Couldn't expect less from my favorite alchemist," Kaeya quips lightly.
Tap, tap, tap.
Albedo wonders if he's this friendly (and annoying) with everyone else. Probably not, if he's so liked by most of Mondstadt. Or maybe humans are attracted to the bold, mysterious persona. That would explain his differing opinion.
Kaeya is a person of…interesting character. The first time they met was months back when Albedo had first joined the Knights. After his first day of work, Kaeya had knocked on his door, supposedly curious about alchemy. Albedo had allowed it, hadn't thought anything of it really, till he looked into the others eyes and saw that diamond on his neck (It wasn’t as if it took much analyzing, the man did not care much to hide).. And it seems Kaeya has noticed the matching diamond on his neck, since after that meeting he always seems slightly…suspicious. Questions a bit too…specific and pointed to be casual. Albedo has walked around them easily enough, much to Kaeya’s dismay.
Of course, Albedo was terribly curious as to how Kaeya survived the curse, but he didn't think he'd get any answers if he were to ask. In fact, Kaeya would probably get even more interrogative and suspicious if he were to. And that would be troublesome.
Though, from the way Kaeya seems to occasionally visit him in a way that appears to be friendly, he thinks he's somehow passed a test he knew nothing about.
Actually, that seems to describe most of his life as a 'human'.
"When do you need the results back?"
"As soon as possible," Kaeya responds, continuing the tapping. It’s weirdly comforting, and enough for Albedo to go back into the rhythm of conducting his experiments.
He doesn’t respond, pouring a bubbly, blue chemical into a beaker, watches it slowly turn into a soft gold before he feels someone hovering over his shoulder. He fights the urge to frown at the near-contact.
“I cannot believe a bottle of terrible-smelling, icky liquid is getting more attention than me. Outrageous.” Kaeya dramatically exclaims, and Albedo figures he’ll never be able to focus on what he’s doing if the other is here.
He quietly sighs, putting down the beakers , turning around and maneuvering around Kaeya to go see the sample he needs to work on for the next few hours.
“I can analyze this and get the results back tomorrow, is that alright?”
“That’s fine, though, you’ll have to give them to Jean at her office, since I’ll be out clearing a domain,” Kaeya answers.
He hums in response, turning the pieces of burnt-looking grass in the bag around in his hand. Definitely abyssal magic. Not particularly dangerous, if Kaeya isn’t feeling anything out of the normal after keeping it with him for so long, but it seems to still have some sort of poison in it.
Strange…it seems to still hold the same potency despite hours after use… Usually such abyssal magic wears off, perhaps it’s been infused with a spell?
“Where did you find this?” The alchemist has an inkling of where, but it doesn’t hurt to make sure.
Kaeya, who has so far been leaning against the alchemy table, catches the coin he had been tossing and stares at Albedo questioningly.
“Near the lake behind the Winery. Sir Ragvindr is outraged enough that his flames could evaporate that same lake. Amusing sight, enough so that you should make sure and spend enough time on investigating-in fact perhaps you can spend a few days, really, take all the time you need, I insist-so he doesn’t get angry any further,” he resumes his coin tossing, tone holding a hint of mischief, “if we give him the wrong information, I have no doubt he’ll burn the place down. Or me, really.”
“Yes, that would be such a shame…” Albedo replies, too busy staring at the sample, has already made a few hypotheses to what it is.
Despite being sure his suspicions are right, he'll wait to say it when he has correctly tested it and inspected it. Of course, it would be very unprofessional of him to say a theory and provide no proof of it.
“Oh? You seem to have figured it out, do tell,” Kaeya inquires, raising a brow, lips curling into a grin. His eyes have a knowing glint, despite his words being curious.
Fascinating people-reading skills, Albedo has observed constantly of the other. It's quite troublesome at times, such as now.
“...Nothing concrete, I’ll get it back to you when I’ve fully investigated it,” Albedo responds, carefully planning out different responses if Kaeya were to continue pressing.
“Hm…alright, keep your secrets,” Albedo is slightly surprised Kaeya doesn’t interrogate him further, but then he notes that Kaeya looks awfully unbothered, and then suspects that maybe Kaeya already knows what this is, and is simply just looking for proof. He would not be surprised if that were to be true.
Regardless of whatever game Kaeya is playing, he still needs to do his job, but it seems the man isn’t quite finished. He pockets the coin, but stops before leaving.
“I’ll be going th- oh! I almost forgot, I need to tell you something regarding Klee.”
Albedo pauses, before the thick, murky, fake feeling of dread settles in his chest.
“Ah..did she happen to blow up a building again? If so, I do apo-”
Kaeya laughs, interrupting him before he can apologize for supposedly another one of Klee’s mishap of her…bombs, “No, no! Hilarious how that happened to be your first thought, but I must be the bringer of bad news, and say that no, Klee did not blow up any buildings,” Kaeya grins, the words holding a sarcastic lilt to them, before his expression suddenly turns sheepish,
“What I meant to tell you was that Klee ended up fish blasting again, fell in the water- don’t fret, she’s fine now, just a little, ah, swim, you could say- causing her to have a cold. She’s sleeping at Jean’s house now, and she wanted me to give you this,” Kaeya shuffles through his pockets in his…very tight pants (if Albedo were to even wear something as that, he think he’d end up going insane with how scratchy and terribly noticeable on the skin that fabric would be. Seeing it makes his body feel unpleasantly hypersensitive to even the loose clothing he is wearing.) and pulls out a slightly creased and folded sheet of paper.
He takes the sheet of paper, slowly opens it and is pleasantly shown a drawing made in crayon of a girl colored in red exploding a clump of…what he assumes to be fishes. It’s messily drawn and colored in a way that he can sense the amount of care Klee had put into it. The pressure of a crayon and the knot of brows leading up to the soft lines and attempts at detail. It’s adorably endearing, and makes him feel a little light. Like the chalk and his body has melted to flesh and a beating heart that could really stimulate the feeling of delight. Looking at this makes him feel like small, little, bubbles floating in front of a rainbow. A clear, glassy air-filled sphere suddenly filled with bright technicolor hues.
“My, you should smile often, Sir Albedo, it looks stunning on you,” Kaeya remarks coyly, tilting his head.
The bubble pops, the rainbow fades into the background.
Or maybe, the rainbow never existed in the first place, only just a trick of the light.
The smile he never knew was on his face, falls off at the teasing in Kaeya’s voice, amongst other things, and he clears his throat, slightly embarrassed.
“Is that all you needed to tell me?”
The teasing expression rolls off his face and the calvary caption dramatically puts a hand to his chest, “Aw, do you want to get rid of me that much? You wound me, you know?”
Albedo, whose attention has already gone back to his experiments, doesn’t really have any sort of reason to participate in Kaeya’s dramatics, “Sir Kaeya, as much as I would..love to continue this conversation of ours, it would be more preferable if I could have some space to observe the sample and make my own observations without being distracted by another presence, if you mind.”
“Oh? You’re distracted by my lovely presence? You really do flatter me, you know?”
Albedo doesn’t really see how that can be taken as a compliment, so he concludes Kaeya’s most likely being sarcastic.
“I admire your optimism, Sir Kaeya,” he lightly jests, pausing to measure the slime condensate in the cup. A tad bit too much, it seems.
“Thank you! Though, as much as I would love to stay and hear you praise me more, I have business to attend to,”
Albedo almost sighs in relief.
“- but before I leave, I have one question, or request, really.”
Albedo pauses what he’s doing, waiting for the other to continue what he dreadfully realizes is probably going to be another one of those suspicious questions he’ll have to avoid.
“Would it be too much to ask of you to accompany Klee and I on a picnic in two days time?”
It actually takes Albedo an embarrassing amount of time to process that, because what. He was preparing to skip around a skeptically casual question of Kaeya’s, but not this. A picnic?
“Klee’s idea, by the way. I told her to tell me one thing she wants and I’d fulfill it, and I think you can fill in the blanks of what happened next,” Kaeya chuckles softly when Albedo doesn’t respond.
Albedo clears his throat, wondering why that was the one thing that ended up actually catching him off guard, “Of course, I wouldn’t mind. Where to?”
“Starsnatch cliff is wonderful this time of the year so I was planning on going there. Or perhaps we could go near the springvale lakes, if you prefer to stay near the city.”
Albedo is still suspicious of this, wonders whether this is another ploy, but he doubts Kaeya would do anything if Klee is there, deciding the idea seems more relaxing than anything else. He tells Kaeya that he’ll be fine with either option, who lightly laughs and sarcastically, but not too rudely, thanks him for the help, before bidding him a goodnight when he decides that he’s stayed too long.
Albedo thinks it's a sweet sentiment, that Kaeya must be thinking he’s tired. Thinking that he should leave for the alchemist to get shut-eye.
It isn’t the first time he yearns for something absolutely unattainable, nor is it the first time he has to remind himself that want isn’t a thing he’s allowed to do anyway.
When the door shuts, it seems much too loud, reverberating sharply in the room. Albedo turns back to the alchemy table and to his experiment, the sound of glass clinking and a light hum loud enough to drown out the nonexistent noise of human-breath.