Chapter Text
TimStoker added SashaJames & MartinBlkwd to the chat!
MartinBlkwd: ??
SashaJames: give him a minute. he's thinking
SashaJames: i can envision the steam pouring out of his ears
SashaJames: i know you’re reading this, timbobulation storker. and i know you’re seething
SashaJames: what’re you gonna do to me, huh? i could snap you in half. twig
MartinBlkwd: what's he thinking about?
SashaJames: a funny nickname for himself
TimStoker has changed their nickname to werewolf alpha.
MartinBlkwd: tim? an alpha?
MartinBlkwd: please
SashaJames: THAT’S WHAT I'M SAYING
werewolf alpha: sorry u guys cant see that im simlyl huge and massive andb in charge od this pack
SashaJames: simlyl
SashaJames: andb
SashaJames: od
MartinBlkwd: get his ass
werewolf alpha: wtf
werewolf alpha: i need that ass
MartinBlkwd: o yah?
MartinBlkwd: for what purpose?
werewolf alpha: for ass purposes
werewolf alpha: fuckign obviously
MartinBlkwd: thought u were the alpha?
MartinBlkwd: alphas dont need asses
MartinBlkwd: fat asses r for omegas only
SashaJames: and betas!
MartinBlkwd: oh yes and betas too. my bad really
SashaJames: what do you have to say to betas
MartinBlkwd: im sorry betas 🙏
SashaJames has changed werewolf alpha's nickname to omega moment.
omega moment: ILL GET YOU
omega moment: ILL REALLY DO IT THIS TIME
SashaJames: uh huh, yeah, whatever
MartinBlkwd: well now the pack dynamics are off :/
MartinBlkwd: someones gotta be the alpha and it sure isnt me
MartinBlkwd: im just a little omega :(( need me a big strong alpha to show up…
omega moment: im literally packing a bag and running away as we speka
omega moment: gogdbye forever
SashaJames: oh my god, martin, i can be your alpha!!
omega moment: STOP
SashaJames has changed their nickname to MEAT ALPHA.
MartinBlkwd: ????HELLO??
omega moment: LMFAO
MEAT ALPHA: FFUCK
MEAT ALPHA: THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY MEATY
MEAT ALPHA: I MEANT MEATY I MEANT MEATY
MartinBlkwd: Meat Alpha.
omega moment: MEAT TIME
MartinBlkwd: The Meat Alpha Approaches.
MEAT ALPHA: my omegas. we ride at dawn
MEAT ALPHA: i must deliver my meats to the people of the world
MartinBlkwd has changed their nickname to omega in chief.
omega in chief: aye aye capn
MEAT ALPHA: nooo you can't both start with omega
MEAT ALPHA: that's too confusing
omega moment: sounds like a u prblm tbh
omega moment: u made me this way
MEAT ALPHA: oh god, i did, didn't i
MEAT ALPHA: my meat. its too powerful
MEAT ALPHA: my abilities betray me
MEAT ALPHA: the sheer force of my meat has upset the pack dynamics. there are two omegas to one alpha
omega moment: well how abt u just change me again o magic schlong slinger
omega in chief: MAGIC SCHLONG SLINGER?????
omega moment: i said exactly what i meabt ti say
MEAT ALPHA has changed omega moment's nickname to beta male.
beta male: TBH………….
omega in chief: yeah no i can see tim as a beta
MEAT ALPHA: my meat knows its stuff, i'm telling you
omega in chief: hes a beta who is secretly embarrassed by his unfortunately low natural sex appeal in comparison to his alpha opponents
omega in chief: so he presents himself as a low-rider alpha (low pheromone output, low rut occurrences, stable sex drive, etc) to mask his insecurities
beta male: ☹️
beta male: u are so cruel. 2 me
omega in chief: thanks i try
omega in chief: only sometimes tho
beta male: 💔
MEAT ALPHA: hey timtam shimsham
beta male: i dont know any tims here
beta male: its just the meat aloha and her two loyal comoanions
beta male: colonel omega & captain beta
MEAT ALPHA: ok Captain Beta
MEAT ALPHA: why the groupchat
MEAT ALPHA: like don't get me wrong, i love a spontaneous aob roleplay as much as the next girl
MEAT ALPHA: but i do wonder if you had a purpose to this initially
omega in chief: seconded
omega in chief: not every day a guy rps military setting (?) omegaverse with his coworkers
omega in chief: in fact i would even go so far as to call this an unusual occurrence
beta male: oh yeah haha
beta male: nah j was just bored
beta male: stakeout bgets BORRRINBGGGGG
omega in chief: why do you always mistype with bs
beta male: ITSNOT ON PURPOSE
beta male: IT HUST GETS IN MY WAY
omega in chief: yeah the inanimate keyboard letter gets in yr way. ok
beta male: ive enevr been more offended by a singular OK tuan i am in this moment
MEAT ALPHA: fair enough answer
MEAT ALPHA: follow up question:
MEAT ALPHA: why me and martin
beta male: despite my alluring and charismatic and charming and captivatung personality
beta male: i actuallt do not have like Any friends
beta male: godbless
beta male: like ok i Do but u guys are the mostfun and also everyone else is doing. things
beta male: what things? idk. but by god those things r getting done
beta male: its also 11 pm at night and ik u both ewrre awake
omega in chief: omg twins
omega in chief: i also do not have more than a handful of friends
omega in chief: tim do u wanna be each others emotional support friends
beta male: back up friends
omega in chief: exactly
beta male: tempting
beta male: however
beta male: consider
beta male: we be normal friends instead
omega in chief: i mean like. i GUESS. if we have to 🙄😒
beta male: ok and nows the part when we kiss
MEAT ALPHA: guys, what about me :((
beta male: simply get in here loser
beta male: i only have one mouth but its ok. i have two hands
omega in chief: my hands are covered in archive dust i dont think u want this
beta male: oh ickt
beta male: icky
beta male: yeah u can keep ur dust hands
beta male: sasha bmgreat news
beta male: new hand just opened up
beta male: i now have TWO hnads to hold the meat alpha with
MEAT ALPHA: :3
omega in chief: tim how are u gonna keep staking out if ur occupied with seducing ur coworkers
beta male: IVE BEEN REDUCED BACK TO COWORKER STATYS
beta male: woe is me :(
MEAT ALPHA: haha, get fucked
beta male: :((((
beta male: there is literally nothinf going on out here
beta male: i shouldve listened to the bossman . i think he was right
MEAT ALPHA: oh my god, tim admitting jon might've been right?
MEAT ALPHA: top 10 signs of the end of times
omega in chief: you have a whole top 10 list of apocalyptic omens?
MEAT ALPHA: are you telling me you don't?
omega in chief: …fair enough
beta male: are u insane
beta male: who uses an ellipses in their texts
omega in chief: go back to your job
beta male: TGERES NOT EVEN ANYTHING HERE
MEAT ALPHA: oh, but you were SOOOO adamant to jon that the statement wasn't bullshit
MEAT ALPHA: "no jon, you gotta listen, this isn't the first time a statement like this has come up"
MEAT ALPHA: "yes, tim, i know, that doesn't mean there's any proof of it. women in white stories come up globally, across almost all cultures. of course we've seen statements like this before"
beta male: HE WAS BEING A BITCH ABT IT !!!
omega in chief: to be fair though
beta male: MARTIN NO
beta male: DONTB EBTRAY ME
omega in chief: he IS kinda right
beta male: BUTBHE DIDNT HAVE TO SAY IT LIKE THAT !!!
omega in chief: i mean yeah
omega in chief: that too
beta male: besides. maybe white lady stories are super commoen because there is MEAT TO IT!!!
beta male: ever think of THAT, JON
MEAT ALPHA: why are you still trying to defend yourself
MEAT ALPHA: he can't hear you
MEAT ALPHA: you’ve already admitted there's nothing going on
beta male: ITS ABOUT THE PRINCIPLE DAMMIT
omega in chief: total beta behavior
omega in chief: feeling challenged are we
beta male: im coming for you i swear to god
omega in chief: omg tim.. 😳
beta male: NOFT LIKE THAY
beta male: u guys r awful idk why i chose u as friends
MEAT ALPHA: :) 💜
omega in chief: 💙
beta male: >:(
omega in chief: ): ?
beta male: AWFUL I TELL U
beta male: 🧡
omega in chief: (:
beta male: SPEAKING OF JON.
omega in chief: oh i already dont like where this is going
beta male: HE IS A FRIEND TOO
beta male: i could throw him in here
MEAT ALPHA: friend soup!
omega in chief: nooo i dont want to be soup ))):
omega in chief: jon will not agree to the soupening
omega in chief: youll add him and he will immediately disappear
MEAT ALPHA: like a fart in the wind...
omega in chief: why do you always use that metaphor
MEAT ALPHA: because you always make a face at it
MEAT ALPHA: i bet you're making the face right now
omega in chief: i hate you and everything you stand for
MEAT ALPHA: x
MEAT ALPHA: timbolina stonks
beta male: yes sasha my dearest lvoe the light of my life the ping to my pong the gee to my willikers the yee to my haw
omega in chief: THE GEE TO YOUR WILLIKERS?
MEAT ALPHA: i think you were onto something with the jon adding
beta male: omg :3 you DO love me
beta male: ill get right on it brb
omega in chief: hey hold on now.
omega in chief: i didnt agree to any of this
MEAT ALPHA: it's ok, mario kart bowser's castle
beta male added JonSims to the chat!
MEAT ALPHA: i'll just beat him to death with hammers if he steps out of line!
MEAT ALPHA: .
MEAT ALPHA: oh! hey jon!
JonSims: You'll be beating who to death with hammers?
MEAT ALPHA: oh, y'know!
MEAT ALPHA: :)
JonSims: Ah, yes, of course, my mistake. That clears things up perfectly.
beta male: my mouth has gone dry jsyt from reading that
omega in chief: jsyt
beta male: MARTIN NO
beta male: PLEASE IM JSUT A LITTKE GUY TRYING TI MAKE MY WAY IN THE WORLD
beta male: ☹️
beta male: YOUD RLLY MAJE FUN OF A LITTLE GUY LIKE THAT????
omega in chief: absolutely
omega in chief: if youre so little you wont mind me crushing you to death beneath the heel of my boot
MEAT ALPHA: no fear in the face of god (boss)!!!!
MEAT ALPHA: glad to see some backbone martini on the rocks blackpink
omega in chief: if i pretend he isnt there then i dont feel any fear
omega in chief: foolproof strategy
beta male: until he talks to u
JonSims: Yes, until I talk to you.
omega in chief: goodbye everyone
omega in chief: im sooooo tired haha
omega in chief: gotta get some rest… long day at work tmrw!!
beta male: ABANDONING BITCH
omega in chief: YAH MAYBE I AM A BITCH
omega in chief: THEY DONT CALL ME AN OMEGA FOR NOTHING
MEAT ALPHA: get his ass marx (karl) bistro
omega in chief: anything for you, MEAT ALPHA
JonSims: I'd like to ask after your names, but, well.
JonSims: I'm trying to decide if satiating my curiosity will be enough reward for the psychological torment I'm sure to endure.
beta male: kiterally who texts like that. go eat aboojk or something u absokute nerd
MEAT ALPHA: since when do nerds eat books
beta male: since me & ur dad produced an entire new race together & fed them on an exclusive diet
MEAT ALPHA: i hope your statement is real just so you get mauled
beta male: HWTA THE HELL
JonSims: Sasha!
MEAT ALPHA: yes king? :3
beta male: just for that im making u explain the omehaverse to jon
MEAT ALPHA: YKU FUCKJGN WHORE
beta male: HAH
MEAT ALPHA: IM LITRALYL DRIVIGN AN 18 WHEELER FIRECTLY INTO YOUR CAR RN
beta male: 😘
beta male: have fuuuuuuuuun
MEAT ALPHA: GET BACK HERE
beta male: sorry, dhty calls
MEAT ALPHA: TIMBORSON STUART.
beta male: 😺🤗
JonSims: Should I be worried for his safety?
MEAT ALPHA: no :) i am so trustworthy :) you can entrust me with weapons :) i am not a wanted criminal :)
JonSims: Oh, good. I didn't work a worry session into my schedule for the night.
MEAT ALPHA: LMFAO
MEAT ALPHA: ……..so. back to your earlier question.
MEAT ALPHA: do you still want answers.
JonSims: Oh, no, it's quite alright.
JonSims has changed their nickname to The Superior Beta.
The Superior Beta: I'm already familiar.
MEAT ALPHA: i don't like it when you know pop culture things. stop this
The Superior Beta: Goodnight, Sasha.
MEAT ALPHA: EVIL, EVIL MAN.
MEAT ALPHA: >:(
MEAT ALPHA: goodnight >:((