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“And what are we going to do now?”
Wilhelm Eklund sat down on the floor with a nonchalant shrug (for which he euphorically congratulated himself and the glögg he had been drinking half an hour ago) and stretched out his legs. „Exactly what we were just told, I assume. Keep calm and wait for someone to come and help us. Or the electricity being back.” He carefully scanned Simon Eriksson's facial features. „You don't have problems with enclosed spaces, do you?“
“It's a little late for that question, isn't it? Claustrophobia doesn't appear ten minutes after being locked in. And if I were claustrophobic, I would definitely take the stairs instead of an elevator. But here we are, both in a stuck elevator and neither one has freaked out yet. Which means you don't have any trouble with enclosed spaces either.” Simon sat down opposite Wilhelm and leaned his back against the metal wall.
No, enclosed spaces actually weren't a problem for Wilhelm. Keyword being: actually. Enclosed spaces in which the only other person besides him was Simon? That was actually a completely different matter.
However, it wasn't panic he felt, rather he was on the edge of silliness, his skin tingling, his hands shaking, internally giggling.
This was ridiculous, a prank of the universe; it was so accidental that it couldn't be accidental anymore. Of all the colleagues he had been with at the Christmas party just a few minutes ago, he was stuck in the elevator with Simon because of a power outage. Simon fucking Eriksson, of all people.
Actually, Wilhelm had had the basic rule never to fall in love at work. But then Simon had happened and the rule had vanished into thin air against his will overnight and had not yet been brought back to life.
Since day one when they had become colleagues Wilhelm had developed a little crush on Simon and it had grown ever since. After a year 8 months and 19 days (but nobody would ever count that, would they? – and if Wilhelm had done it, no one had to know), some awkward first door-to-door chats, which turned into some lunch breaks and fikas spent together, Wilhelm would certainly no longer describe the crush as small. He had fallen fast and he had fallen hard the more he had learned about Simon.
There was something about Simon that made Wilhelm feel like a totally lost 17-year-old teenager with all its goods and bads, with all its highs and lows.
First he felt the heat and then a telltale blush threatening to rise in his cheeks. Wilhelm hastily slid his hands under his thighs and clenched them there – invisible to Simon – into fists in an attempt to control his body's reaction.
Don't blush. Not now. Not. Now.
Cauliflower. Ice cold water when washing hands. Pythagoras.
He was able to camouflage the rising snort over what his brain was trying to distract him from blushing with a cough, but even Pythagoras couldn't prevent the blush.
Feeling already caught, his head snapped up to see if Simon had noticed. But he just pulled a gift – the gift – out of his tote bag – and Wilhelm's face drained of all redness and grew pale instead.
Oh.
Did that mean he wanted to unwrap it now ?
It was still a bit of a mystery to him, how he ended up like this, but despite the scary feeling of not knowing what was about to happen, he was still as excited as he had been when his boss had asked him to organize the Secret Santa for their Christmas party a few weeks ago.
Without thinking about it twice, he had seized the opportunity. Still Felice and Erik's voices in his ears that he finally had to do something about his crush on Simon and that they couldn't take his endless pining any longer, he hadn't even written Simon's name on a piece of paper and put it in the bowl he had taken to his colleagues so they could pull out a piece of paper and give a present to the person standing on it.
Shamelessly – and gladly! – he had simply assigned Simon to himself.
It was o nly when he thought about it a second time that Wilhelm noticed the huge problem that came with that split-second decision. If he was going to give Simon anything, he needed a gift. And ideally one that Simon would remember.
He had thought about it for days, annoying Felice over and over again, searching through tons of websites and yet finding nothing that seemed meaningful enough to him to give to Simon for Secret Santa.
He had had no idea until the best present literally had fallen into his hand and he nearly had jumped for joy.
The book he had discovered for his niece Clara on a shelf with children's Christmas books in the antiquarian bookshop two blocks away from his apartment had once been himself and his brother Erik's favorite book and Wilhelm, being so excited, probably had pulled it out a little too vigorously because suddenly he had held two books in his hands. He had only skimmed the blurb of the other book for a moment, but then he had flushed when he realized what a gem fortune had gotten into his hands.
It was always in the back of his mind, everything that Simon had shared with him about himself. At the last Christmas party, the talk at the table had turned around the favorite Christmas memories as a child and Wilhelm, constantly busy being happy that he had ended up at the same table as Simon, but not letting anyone notice it and especially not staring too conspicuously, had only half listened.
But this, this book, it had to be the book Simon had been talking about back then. The book from which his grandmother used to read him part of a story about two clumsy angels in the Christmas sky every evening when he was a child during Advent. The book that years later, after the death of his grandmother, could not be found and of which Simon stupidly had forgotten the title.
The book Wilhelm had apparently suddenly held a copy in his hands and hadn't known how he had been so lucky to find the perfect gift for Simon.
The perfect gift that Simon was about to unwrap.
Wilhelm's gaze lingered on the tote bag, which now lay unnoticed on the floor next to Simon, grateful for a moment of distraction in order to calm down again. He was pretty sure he hadn't noticed it on Simon before. A small frog sat in the middle of a nibbled tangerine, more than a quarter of which was missing, and grinned cheekily at Wilhelm.
The tangerine? Appropriate when he thought of the mountain of tangerines piled up in a bowl on the windowsill of Simon's office. But the frog? Tha t was new. Something inside him jumped with delight at this unexpected revelation of yet another small resemblance.
The wrapping paper rustled softly as Simon opened the gift by releasing the adhesive strips and unfolding the paper.
Wilhelm found himself holding his breath and staring at Simon as he put the last piece of paper aside.
For a moment time seemed to stand still while Wilhelm took in Simon's reaction and allowed himself to observe everything very closely. He knew he was staring but was sure Simon wouldn't notice because he was too busy staring too. Sadly, not at Wilhelm, but at the book he had just unpacked.
First, Simon's eyes widened, then his eyebrows shot up and his mouth opened and stayed open as he stared at the book. And stared and stared and stared.
Strike.
Simon gazed at the book in shock and dumbfounded amazement as he ran his fingers carefully over the letters of the title and – Wilhelm might be wrong, but from where he was sitting, despite the dim light from the emergency lights, it looked as if Simon's corners of his eyes glittered in a telltale way.
Seeing what his gift obviously meant to Simon, Wilhelm's heart was filled with joy and happiness. He was so engrossed in Simon's reaction, his delight and the feeling of butterflies in his stomach that he forgot that---
Clack.
A dull thud interrupted his observations. His eyes scanned the small room for the source of the noise, briefly catching Simon's, who did the same, but before he found it, the scales fell from his eyes.
The card.
Wilhelm had figured that if he was going to stretch the rules of Secret Santa once, he could as well do it twice. So he not only interpreted the part about the secret allocation of names rather broadly, but also the part about the secret giver.
Instead of leaving Simon in the dark about who had given him the gift, he had wrapped a card with the book.
I hope this is the book you were searching for. Merry Christmas Wilhelm
Simon grabbed the card and suddenly Wilhelm's world was spinning in slow motion again .
He had never considered that he would be sitting directly across from Simon when he opened his present, but always had thought he wouldn't be able to see Simon's reaction, instead perhaps receiving a thank you text to which he didn't have to respond immediately. But now he was here, watching Simon, watching himself being revealed. The universe apparently laughed at him.
He felt his heart beat faster when Simon opened the card, every inch a heartbeat fluttering like a butterfly's wing.
Breathless silence surrounded them both as Simon read the few words on the card and his eyes were directed in disbelief first at the card, then at Wilhelm.
“You?”
“Yes.”
That said everything. Well, not everything, but everything Simon needed to know for now.
Simon didn't let go of the book, clutching it tightly as if it might disappear again, stroking the hard cover, caressing it like some kind of sanctuary while he seemed to be trying to comprehend what was happening. “Thank you. But... how do you know?”
Evidently, Simon couldn't remember talking about this book at last year's Christmas party.
Wilhelm smiled contentedly and also a bit proudly. “You talked about it last year, the rest was mostly coincidence.” And that was actually true. No one ever had to know that Wilhelm had helped the coincidence just a little bit.
“You remember that?” Simon could hardly hide his amazement.
„I remember everything that concerns yo-”, Wilhelm inwardly put his hand to his mouth; his mind was feverishly looking for a way out, „you all… I mean, all colleagues,” he hastily tried to save himself without thinking about it. But, that hadn't been a masterpiece. Rather, it made him seem odd and twisted, maybe a weirdo too. After all, who was interested in everything that concerned their colleagues?
Embarrassed by himself, he closed his eyes for a moment.
Simon's facial expressions did not allow any conclusions as to whether he had noticed Wilhelm's lapse. His eyebrows went up maybe a millimeter, but other than that he didn't react, just stared at Wilhelm steadily. Was he about to draw the right conclusions?
“All colleagues?”
“Only the ones I like.” Wilhelm tried to say it as light-heartedly as possible to make it sound funny, but Simon hardly seemed to pay attention.
“So… you like me?”
That was the moment of the confession that Wilhelm, as a not-so-secret Secret Santa, had deliberately pushed for, but hadn't expected to come so quickly.
His heart was beating louder and faster than before, his vision blurred, zooming in on Simon's face, wh o still sat opposite him. He felt shaky and agitated. Now or never, obviously. Wilhelm mustered all his courage not only to think the words, but actually to say them. “Yes”, he admitted tentatively. “I like you.” He focused on Simon's chocolate brown eyes and held on to looking into them. He could see the golden sparkles around the pupil lighten up, but wasn't sure what the reason was. He just hoped it was surprise or joy.
Simon reached for his hand, carefully touching his fin ger tips for a moment to get Wilhelm's attention. Then he withdrew his own hand, just enough to break the touch, waiting for consent.
Wilhelm's index finger twitched so that he touched Simon's as a sign that he was okay with the touch. The corners of Simon's mouth twitched up and introduced the widest smile that Wilhelm had ever seen on him.
“I like you too.” Simon's fingers were on his hand again, tracing invisible patterns on Wilhelm's skin. His heart jolted by the words, his nerves by the touch. “Like... really really like you.”
Wilhelm's heart missed a beat, maybe two and he flipped his hand to intertwine his fingers with Simon's. That feeling of lightheartedness they shared, which one look into Simon's eyes told him, was everything in that moment. Wilhelm wouldn't change a thing and a small part of him wished the power wouldn't come back soon and they could stay here a little longer.
Like a twisted self-prophecy, unfortunately, it flickered two or three times a few moments later as the faint glo w of the emergency lights was replaced by the glare of the main lights overhead, mercilessly illuminating every last corner with nothing to conceal.
But there was nothing that the two wanted to hide, everything important now brought to light.
They smiled at each other as the elevator started moving ag ain and went down to the first floor. They smiled at each other as they stood and slipped into their jackets (Simon only broke eye contact for a moment as he carefully put the book and Wilhelm's card back in his tote bag). They smiled at each other as the elevator doors open ed and they stepped out into the foyer leaving their small safe bubble.
The air was freezing cold as they both walked out onto the street, which was warmly lit by the many small lights of the Christmas decorations. Despite the cold, they both took a deep breath, the fresh air pleasant after the long time in the small elevator.
“So…” Simon trailed off as if he didn’t know what to say, but didn’t want to say goodbye yet.
“So...” Wilhelm felt the same way. However, he knew exactly what he wanted to say, he just didn't know how.
They stood facing each other, looked into each other's eyes, slightly embarrassed, and both had to smile.
“Thanks again for the book”, said Simon so quietly that Wilhelm almost didn't understand him. “I won't lose it this time.”
Wilhelm nodded, although he wasn't quite sure what Simon meant by that. Wouldn't he lose it again for the book's sake or because it had been a gift from him? Still, he didn't dare to ask. The right words just weren't there.
“Well…”
“Well…”
Neither of them moved, both stood in an awkward way in front of each other and both felt that their paths could not part yet, because something unspoken still hung between them.
And while Wilhelm was still looking for courage, Simon simply threw everything into the balance and Wilhelm began to hope that Simon wanted to say the same thing as he did.
“So… about Christmas. Are you staying here in Stockholm or are you going to your family?”
“My family lives here, so I'll be here. And you?” Wilhelm searched Simon's face for clues as to what he was getting at.
“I'm going to my mother's in Bjärstad.” The smile that played around the corners of Simon's mouth seemed real and sincere, the anticipation was also reflected in the shine in his eyes.
Wilhelm nodded again, this time with a slight sense of disappointment. If Simon wasn't in Stockholm at all, then he probably didn't mean the same thing.
“But I'll be back after the holidays”, Simon hastened to say. “Would you like to... meet up with me then?”
Did Simon ask what Wilhelm hoped he was asking? Because he didn't have the courage to do it? But since Simon had paved the way for him, made it easy for him, he dared to ask. “Just hanging out or…”
“As a date”, Simon confirmed and a beam spread over Wilhelm's face and relief in his body.
“Yes, I’d like that.”
The beam became mutual.
“Here.” Simon pulled a piece of paper and a pen out of his pocket, scribbled a few numbers on it and gave the piece of paper to Wilhelm. Their fingers touched and Wilhelm felt his skin tingling in those places. Now that they both knew they were on the same page, they let the touch last longer than was necessary, bathing in the feeling the touch evoked in them. “Text me so we can work something out.”
“I will”, promised Wille.
Silence settled over them again, this time not an uncomfortable one, but a comfortable silence together, both enjoying the last few minutes in each other's presence before they inevitably had to part.
“Okay then... Again, thank you so much for the book. It might be my best Christmas gift.” Simon smiled happily and gently patted his tote bag with the book in it and then looked at Wilhelm thoughtfully. Nevertheless, he took a step towards Wilhelm without hesitation, so that they stood very close to each other. He had to stand on tiptoe to be level with Wilhelm. His gaze fell on Wilhelm's lips for a moment, then he leaned forward, turned his head slightly to the side and his lips touched Wilhelm's cheek very gently.
Wilhelm closed his eyes feeling the bliss that Simon's lips caused all over his body and took a deep breath inhaling Simon's scent.
Coconut, vanilla and a nuance he couldn't name but that reminded him of drinking glögg in front of a fireplace.
His lips curled into a smile and quickly, far too quickly for Wilhelm's liking, Simon pulled away. When Wilhelm opened his eyes again, his gaze was still foggy, but he could clearly see the gleam in Simon's eyes and the hint of a smile on his lips. Wilhelm's gaze flitted to Simon's lips and for a second he vividly imagined what it would be like to kiss Simon.
But no, that wasn't for now, not here in the middle of the street in front of the restaurant, which their colleagues could leave at any moment. That was something for later, that was something that was worth looking forward to and enjoying that anticipation.
“Merry Christmas, Simon.” Even though they hadn't kissed properly, his voice was rough and husky, all of him still preoccupied with the feeling of Simon's lips on his cheek.
“Merry Christmas, Wilhelm.” Simon said softly, his voice also affected by what had just happened, before smiling at him one last time and they finally parted ways, both turning their backs to each other and walking away because they knew they had to do it at some point.
It was actually coincidence, thought Wilhelm, before he turned back to watch Simon, only to find that he had exactly the same idea. They smiled at each other, neither really willing to break eye contact. Coincidence and also the stuck elevator, the power failure, maybe a bit of the glögg , which gave both of them the missing ounce of courage, the Christmas party, which they left at the same time, the Secret Santa (well, Wilhelm had helped a little with that) and their boss. But mainly the coincidence that had placed the perfect gift in Wilhelm's hands.
Maybe that had been Wilhelm's best Christmas present.