Archive of Our Own

There was a soft knock at the door. Hushed whispers could be heard as a woman in a cat costume opened the white door to greet her guests. She looked around before her eyes landed on the small purple turtle alien shaking at her doorsteps.

"Hm..." Donnie stood shaking as he glanced over his shoulders at his brothers. The other three hid behind a bush waiting to see what would happen next.

"Go on!" Leo whispered. Donnie nodded nervously as he turned to face the woman with cat ears on top of her blonde hair.

"Tr... Trick or t-treat?" Donnie asked as he held up a purple pillow case the size of himself in front of him.

"Aww~ Aren't chu just the cutest!" The woman awed. Donnie peeked over his pillow case and as his pressed his beak shut. "Here you go hon, three king size chocolate bars!"

Donnie watched at the woman carefully placed the large treats in his empty bag. He looked inside and immediately stomped his feet in excitement as he had acquired candy.

"Guys look! I got candy!" He shouted towards his brothers. The other three quickly ducking down as the woman turned their direction.

"Oh you have friends? They can come out. I have enough for everyone!" The woman said as she showed Donnie the large bowl candy she had set by the door.

Hearing there was enough for the rest of them Raph gently tugged Leo and Mikey along. Mikey was wearing a white sheet with two large holes cut into it. He ran towards Donnie and almost tripped as he had stepped on his own costume. Luckily Raph was able to catch him.

"Twick o tweat!" Mikey giggled as he shoved his orange pillow case up towards the woman. She laughed seeing the small ghost bouncing in anticipation.

"Oooo what a scary little ghost we have here." She giggled as she gently placed three large candy bars inside of his bag.

"Tank you!" Mikey shouted as he bounced his way next to Donnie. The softshell having stepped to the side to wait for his brothers.

"Me next!" Leo shouted as he ran up the steps. The unicorn head of his onesies covered most of his face as he struggled to get his pillow case open.

"Oh what a very pretty unicorn! Here you go dear." Leo cheered as the three candy bars fell to the bottom of his bag. He thanked her and ran to show his brothers. Mikey and Donnie grinning as they showed him theirs.

Lastly was Raph, the oldest having worn a teddy bear onsies. He nervously waddled his way up the steps and held out his red pillow case. His costume was a bit torn as the spikes on his shell poked out from behind. Just like Donnie, he too hid behind his bag as he held it out for the woman to place the candy bars inside.

"Last one and aren't you just adorable! Here you go sweetheart!" She gently placed the candy bars in his bag and smiled as the other boys showed off their treats. "Happy Halloween! Take care now!"

"Bye!" Came the echos of the turtle tots as they waved at the woman. Once the door closed Raph joined his brothers, letting out a sigh of relief.

"We got candy!" Leo gushed as he started walking towards the next house.

"See! I told you coming here was a good idea!" Donnie said as he walked next to Mikey. This year for Halloween the boys had decided to move their Halloween candy hunt over to the suburbs instead of the city. April having given the boys her cousins address so they could get candy in her area.

"Candy!" Mikey shouted as he skipped a bit ahead of his brothers.

"Okay we still have a few more minutes before dad notices we're gone." Raph said as he grabbed a hold of Mikey's hand.

"Boys!" The four froze as their father suddenly appeared in front of them. Splinter had his arms crossed over his chest as his tail swished from side to side. "I told you not to go far!"

"But dad!" Leo whined.

"No buts! Only yours heading back home!" Splinter said as he started guiding the four back the way they had arrived. Echos of protests followed as the five walked back towards the buss stop the tots had taken to cross the bridge to get where they were.

As they walked Mikey suddenly had an idea, he wasn't about to let his night end. He noticed they were only a few homes left before the treeline came into view, so the little one decided he would get a bit more candy before heading home. With a goal in mind Mikey ran to the house to his left and knocked on the door.

"Orange!" Splinter called after him but it was too late. The mahogany door swung open and a man dressed as an astronaut stood there holding a big bowl of candy.

"Twick o tweat!" Mikey shouted as he bounced up and down. The man chuckled as he grabbed a handful of different sweets and dumped them into his orange bag.

"There you go little man!" He also noticed his brothers by the street and waved them over. "They can get some too! I have enough sir!" He shouted to Splinter. The boys didn't even acknowledge their father as they ran to get their share of candy.

"We got more candy! Daddy look!" Leo cheered as he ran back to their father and pulled out a ring pop. Splinter let out a sigh in defeat. He knew he shouldn't ruin his boys fun but he had been worried when he didn't see them with their human friend. For two years now the boys had always gone with April and her cousin to ask for candy but this year it seemed they wanted to venture elsewhere.

"Okay just these few houses and then we go home." Splinter said earning him cheers of delight from his sons.

As promised the boys went from door to door asking for treats. There were only ten houses left so Splinter wasn't all too concerned with time since it was still fairly close to 9pm. The last bus into the city was around eleven so they had time to run around and get candy.

The second to last house for the night was the real kicker. Not only did the family give the boys the last of their candy but they had also given out glowstick wands with different shapes at the ends of them. Raph had gotten a wand with a red heart o the end, Mikey a yellow star, Donnie a purple crescent moon, and Leo a crown. The sons ran over to their father with huge smiles on their faces as the waved their wands in the air.

Once the last house was visited to the family of five made their way towards the bus stop. There were a few people waiting with their kids as the bus to the city came rounding the corner. Splinter had placed Leo on his back while Raph carried Mikey on his, Donnie had settled to hold Splinter hand as they loaded onto the bus.

They sat near the back, Leo and Donnie compared their candy while Splinter sat between them helping Leo count his. Raph had Mikey laying on his lap fighting the urge to fall asleep as Raph gently patted his head. Mikey tried protesting against the lulling depths of sleep but his big brother wasn't allowing him.

"Waphie... nu..." Mikey whined as he rubbed his eyes but pulled the white sheet he was wearing closer to his chin.

"Sleep baby brother." Raph said as he pulled mikey closer to him.

"Momma are we putting up the lights tomorrow?" A little girl sitting a few seat down from them asked her mother. Raph turned his attention to the little girl dressed in a pink grown with a blonde wig. The small crown on her head was lopsided and was surely to fall off if the child moved her head a bit too fast to one side.

"Not tomorrow sweetie. Dad will need to find the decorations in the attic first." The woman replied. She gently repositioned the crown on her daughter's head and turned to look down at her phone.

"I can't wait for Christmas!" The chuld exclaimed as she pulled out a lollipop out of her bucket.

Raph tilted his head in confusion. Christmas? What was Christmas? Was it similar to Halloween? He would ask April tomorrow when the brunette promised to come visit to show them her share of candy.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

"Christmas?" April said as she sat on the ground with her candy laid out for the boys to see.

"I heard a girl telling her mom about it. What is it?" Raph asked as he gave April one of his king size chocolate bars.

"Well my mom says that on Christmas Santa comes to your house and leaves presents under the tree. He only gives presents to kids that are on the nice list." April explained as she took all of Raph's peanut candy.

"I heard presents!" Leo shouted as he came bouncing in. Behind him was Donnie and Mikey holding their wands and waving them around.

"Have you guys ever heard of Christmas?" April asked as she gave Mikey a hug since he had ran over to her.

"Nope!" Mikey said, popping his 'p' in the process.

"Really?" April questioned. She had only known the turtles for two years (having met at the basketball courts one night due to Leo wanting to sneak out and learn how to play) but it was still a surprise to her that the boys knew of Halloween and not Christmas.

"Is it like Halloween?" Leo asked as he dumped his candy on the floor. Raph scooted his candy over to the side to make sure their candies didn't get mixed up.

"Uh... no? Not really." April said as she tried to come up with a way to explain what Christmas was to a group of toddlers. She was only in the second grade after all, what did she know about explaining human things to talking turtles?

"Boys? Oh April! Nice to see you again." Splinter greeted. He had been looking for the boys to show them the jars his found for them to place their candy in.

"Hello Mister Splinter!" April greeted as she opened a lollipop for Mikey.

"Dad what's Christmas?" Donnie asked as he waddled over to their father.

"Oh well you see..." Splinter nervously looked around the room to see the children looking at him with anticipation. "There's um... lights and... a tree..."

"The lights! Cookies! A tree and best of all PRESENTS!"April shouted. Splinter was relieved when the brunette decided to take the wheels of the conversation. Leo and Donnie exchange looks of delight.

"Should we do that too?" Leo asked as he was ready to go with Donnie to the junk yards to look for materials.

"Let's do it!" Donnie shouted as he jumped up and down in excitement. The twins quickly started making a list of supplies and where they would place everything.

"Yeah!" Mikey shouted as he lifted his lollipop into the air. He loved how excited everyone was and wanted to join in. He waddled over to their father and made grabby hands as a sign he wanted to to be picked up.

"Okay, okay." Splinter chuckled as he picked up the small box turtle. "How about we decorate on Saturday. I sure April could show you how."

Everyone's faces lit up with joy and excitement. April suggesting she'd bring some lights from her home over. Her parents could just buy new ones later, right now she was going to help her friends have the best Christmas ever.

When Saturday came around April had stuffed decorations onto her school bag. She had told her parents she was going to help a friend and that they were going to come pick her up. Initially her parents were worried but when they followed her downstairs into the lobby and saw Donnie waving at her from outside wear Leo's unicorn onesies they relaxed. The hood covering most of his face while Splinter stood over to the side slightly in view but no enough for them to see his face.

"April!" Donnie shouted as the brunette came running out to greet them. "Ready to decorate?"

April nodded as Donnie bounced around in excitement. The boys had just been counting down the days. Donnie being the one in charge of keeping track for them.

"Okay let's get going kids." Splinter said as he took hold of Donnie's hand. April waved goodbye to her parents as she followed behind Splinter.

Once back at the lair April had emptied her bag on the floor. Christmas lights neatly rolled up were gently placed down on the ground. Next followed a small set of six colorfull ornaments, Raph having to stop Mikey from grabbing them since April said they were fragile. Following that were long strains of colorful tinsel. Leo ran around dragging it as behind him while Splinter chased him around trying to get him to stop.

"We have so much stuff! Where do we start?" Raph asked as he looked at everything. If was excited about this whole Christmas thing. He had never seen his family this happy since Splinter took the boys out for  their first Halloween. This felt just like it.

"Lights!" Mikey giggled as he tried grabbing the green rolls.

"Okay let get started!" Raph announced, getting cheers of approval from his family.

Oh how Raph loved Christmas.

•

•

•

Oh how Raph hated Christmas.

"Donnie ready?" Leo asked as he and stood at the top of the lair entrance. His swords unsheathed as he waited for his twin's signal.

"Almost!" Donnie called out as he took a blue sticker from Mikey's hand. "Okay  now go!"

"Oh baby! This time for sure! We'll catch Santa and become internet famous!" Mikey shouted as he did a little dance.

Yup. This is what they were up to. Raph groaned as he watch Leo take a swan dive down towards them before teleporting away at the last second. A cage snapping upward as Leo's blue tails of his headband touched the floor.

"Trap successful!" Donnie cheered as he and Mikey high-fived.

Raph didn't say anything. He just silently watched as he brothers set traps for 'Santa' just like every other year. This time Raph had it a bit rough.

"And your sure he'll fall for this?" Leo questioned as he reappear next to his brothers.

"There is no way for him to not land in at least one trap this year." Donnie said as he typed away on his wrist pad. The holographic screen showed where all their traps had been placed.

"We need someone to keep watch this year. We can't afford another Mikey situation. No offense." Leo said as he remembered Mikey accidentally trapping Donnie and Leo in a trap.

"Yeah I agree with Leo." Mikey said as he shoved a candy cane in his mouth. "I volunteered Raph!"

"Wait what? Why me!?" Raph shouted as he was brought into the conversation.

"Because you're the only one not helping. What happened to your holiday spirit? Where did it go?" Leo taunted as he used his sword as a crutch to lean on.

Raph used to love Christmas, that part was true, but the year he learned the truth was the day he hated the holiday. It was a lie to him. One huge lie that keep weighing on him like a ton of bricks.

He remembered that year. He was eight when he discovered the truth. It was the year their father had gotten sick. This wasn't their regular Rat flu they were used to,this was worse, much worse.

Raph had gotten up in the middle of the night for a snack. His brothers were all piled around him since they would occasionally sneak into his room to sleep. Mikey had always slept with him, their father deciding the box turtle was far too young to have his own room. So Leo and Donnie would occasionally waddle in holding their blankets and ask to sleep with him. This had been one of those night.

Raph had carefully slipped out of his room and waddled over to the kitchen. Early in the day their father had cut up apple slices and placed the rest in the fridge. Raph loved apples. It was the only fruit he could share with his brothers and not worry about any of them choking on it.

As Raph grabbed the apple slices out of the fridge he heard his father coughing up a strom just across the hall. He could hear his father talking and decided to see if he needed anything, water or some medicine.

Since they had decorated weeks before Raph didn't need to turn the lights on. The Christmas lights gave enough light for him to see. The snapping turtle carefully poked his head into his father's room to seeing the small rat man hunched over on his bed.

As he was about to let his presence known Splinter started another coughing fit. This time he had leaned over to his nightstand and reached for the glass of water.

"Just a little longer." Splinter managed to crooked out. He feverishly took a sip of water and set the cup back down.

At that moment Raph saw them. The bright colorful wrapping paper. He knew exactly what their father was doing. It was Christmas eve after all, he was no genius but he knew that the wrapped up presents were their's. Red and blue wrapped up presents sitting on the bed was all he need to figure it all out.

"I need... a bit more..." Splinter tried staying up, he really did, but his sickness was too much. He flopped over on his side breathing heavily as he tried to keep his eyes open. He didn't want to let his sons down but he knew trying to wrap presents in his condition wasn't the best idea. So with much regret and guilt, Splinter dosed off to sleep.

Raph stood by the entrance watching his father sleep. He's world had come crashing down as he now saw the truth. Their father had been the one to place the presents. Not this so-called 'Santa Claus'. Did April know this? Had she lied to them? What if she was the same as them? Being lied to by her parents?

Raph felt hot tears roll down his eyes as he stared at the unwrapped presents. There, at the edge of the bed, sat the racecar Donie wanted and new art supplies for Mikey. Raph didn't know what to do. Should he go tell his brothers? Let them know it was all a lie?

Suddenly his brothers crying faces flashed in his little mind. No. No he couldn't. He shouldn't.

As much as he wanted to cry and scream at his father for lying, Raph waddled over to the bed and took everything down. He grabbed the wrapped up presents and set them gently on the floor. He then proceeded to grab three unwrapped presents and waddle his way over to the entrance. If his father couldn't do it then he would.

After grabbing Mikey's red wagon Raph loaded everything on and doubled checked the room. Since he didn't find anymore gifts, raph proceeded to tuck his father in. He gently pulled the thin blanket over his father's sleep figure before walking out of the room.

Raph had pulled the wagon up to Donnie's lab, the room having been a gift from Splinter for the softshell's birthday, and started placing the presents on the table in the middle of the room. He grabbed a stool nearby and started working on cutting the wrapping paper to size. Raph was grateful April had taught him how to wrap presents for the twins' birthday.

It took him three hours but he was proud of himself. Mikey's and Donnie's gifts had been wrapped and placed on the wagon again with his and Leo's presents. Now to get them down to the well guarded Christmas tree. Donnie and Leo having obsessed over wanting to catch Santa had set up cameras. He needed a way around them.

Then he saw it, on one of the computer screens in the lad showed all the camera angles. Donnie had left the cameras pointed to the entrance of the lair and not the bottom of the tree. So if Raph walked under the tree the cameras wouldn't pick him up. And that was exactly what he did.

Raph kept down as close to the floor as he could and pulled the wagon behind him. He would occasionally stop moving to make sure he wasn't being watched, knowing Donnie and Mikey had the tendency to wake up at random points of the night due to the noises that echoed within the sewer walls. Finally Raph had reached the tree. He still kept close to the ground, not wanting a camera to notice him, and started placing the present down one by one.

Once done Raph looked over the presents. He frowned knowing that in just a few hours his brothers would be ripping through the wrapping not knowing it had been their father and himself who had wrapped them and not Santa. The tear rolled down his face as he slowly and painfully made his way back towards his room. He left Mikey's wagon by the kiddie room and proceeded to enter his room again.

"Raphie?" Raph stopped seeing Mikey sitting up rubbing his eyes. "Wat wong?" Mikey asked as he slowly crawled out from the pile of blankets and pillows. He dragged his orange blanket along with him as he waddled his way over to Raph.

"Hey buddy." Raph greeted as he met a his brother halfway. "Why you up late?" He whispered. Leo and Donnie were still sleeping and he wanted them to stay like that a bit longer.

"I got 'cawed." Mikey pouted. He made grabby hands at Raph and the oldest picked him up.

"It's okay Mikey, I'm here. Raphie will make all the scaries go away. " Raph said as he gently bounced with his baby brother in his arms. Mikey let out a soft squeaky yawn as he settled his head at the based of his brother's neck.

Yeah, his big brother would scare the bad dreams away.

Raph crawled back into his bed and made sure Mikey laid flat on his plastron. His baby brother's hand balling up as he held onto his orange blanket. Raph wanted to sleep but the guilt he was feeling was eating at him. What he did felt good but it also felt wrong. He was lying and lying was wrong.

Later that morning his brothers had woken up and ran to check the tree. Donnie and Leo were disappointed they didn't catch Santa sneaking in but were still ecstatic when they opened their gifts. Both have gotten racecars to play with. Raph watched with a smile as Mikey ripped open his gifts. The little one flapped his arms and let out shrieks of laughter as he looked at all the art supplies and toys.

"Looks like Santa got you boys what you wanted." Splinter chuckled from his seat next to the tree. Raph looked over at him and frowned. The only thing he wanted now was to have never known about Christmas.

•

•

•

That was still true now. He hated when Christmas came around due to the fact that it felt like one big lie. He didn't like lying to his brothers but seeing the joy in their faces made it worth it. It had to be worth it. So each year Raph would get up in the middle of the night and each year he would had to dodge his brothers' traps. It was stressful but he was always proud when his brothers couldn't catch him.

This year however, they had a new addition to the family.

"It's still there just... I'm not feeling up to it." Raph replied getting booed by his brothers.

"Hey guys I brought- AH!" Raph looked towards the entrance to see April and Casey had gotten caught in a trap. The two hanging a couple of feet off the ground.

"April! Casey!" Came the echos from the boys. Leo was quick to cut them down while Raph stood under them to catch them.

"Are you two okay?" Leo asked as he threw his swords to the side.

"Okay?" April bonked him on the head as soon as Raph had set them down. "Leo why the heck is the lair booby trapped?" She shouted.

"Are we under attack?" Casey asked, clear worry written all over his face.

"What? No. No we're just setting these up for Santa. This year for sure! We catch him for sure!" Leo explained. April rolled her eyes as she guided Casey towards the center of the room.

"Well get rid of them. Casey isn't spending his first Christmas surrounded with traps or paranoid turtles Santa hunters." April said as she gently patted Casey on the head.

"Well it wouldn't be that different from home. We used to have traps everywhere. Once Master Leonardo had stepped in one Donnie and Mikey had setup in his room. The two laughed seeing him walk out covered in feathers." Casey recalled with a smile. Leo had the two on patrol duties for weeks after that.

"Casey that's called a prank not a trap." Mikey chimed in as he started taking down traps. Donnie groaned as he started deactivating his traps.

"Okay now that we have that sorted out," April turned to look at Raph, "how about we get go with the letters?"

"I'll get my pens!" Mikey shouted as he ran down the stairs to the train cars and into his room.

"Okay Casey what do you know about Christmas?" April asked as Donnie handed his a stack of blank papers from his battle shell. They boys quickly taking their seats on the ground waiting for Mikey to return.

"Well, I know you get presents and get to have a lots of food." Casey stated. Mikey came back carrying a bucket filled with pens, markers, and crayons.

"Well you at least have the important things down." Leo said as he grabbed a candy cane off the tree. "Who taught you about Christmas anyway?"

Donnie started writing his letter, well more like his complaint. He was demanding Santa give him the uranium he had been asking for the past five years now. Each year only received half of what he had asked.

Mikey took a more artistic approach to his letter. The youngest making more of a checklist with drawings of what the things he wanted. Well at least he made things easier for Raph. He could easy get thise things for his brother.

"Raph did." Everyone's attention was now on the snapping turtle as he started at Casey with wide eyes.

"I-I did?" Raph asked. Casey nodded as he grabbed a pink crayon and started doodling instead of writing.

"Mom said you wanted things to feel normal so you would always have me drawing what I wanted Santa to bring me." Casey said as he drew a teddy bear on the paper. "See? I got one if these when I was five for Christmas." He showed them his drawing and Mikey tilted his head in thought.

"Wait a minute?" Everyone's attention was now on the box turtle. Mikey let out a hum as he racked his brain for answers.

"What is it hermano?" Leo asked as he placed a hand on his little brother's back.

"That looks like..." Raph looked at the drawing and he too noticed it. It was his bear. Casey had drawn his bear he received for his first Christmas.

"So what would you like for Christmas this year Case?" Raph asked trying to change the subject. It must have work since Mikey went back to writing and now the attention was back on the boy.

"I'm not sure." Casey truthfully answered. "There are so many things I want so.... I'm okay with anything."

"What about you big brother?" Leo asked. Raph tilted his head in confusion. "What? You got nothing?"

"I don't need to write one." Raph said as he watched Mikey draw what looked like spray cans of paints.

"That's cheep coming from the guy who constantly making us write to Santa every year." Donnie replied as he finished his letter.

"Donnie's right you know. You always make us write and yet you never do. Why is that?" Leo commented.

Raph could sense the tension growing. He didn't like the attention he was getting. All he wanted was for his brothers to get what they wanted. He didn't need anything.

"I'll write it later." Raph stood up and stretched. "Oh look at the time! I should get back to my room and fix my.... bears! Um.... okay later!"

"What!? No stay!" Mikey shouted as he lunged to his brother's leg. Raph needed to get started on his preparation for later in the week. After all he only had three days to get what his brothers wanted. Three days wasn't enough time.

"Hey I'll be back. I need to get a few things done or else we won't be able to have Christmas." Raph said as he picked Mikey up and set him back down. He took a mental note of asking for their letters later in the day.

"But you have to write your letter or else..." Mikey threatened.

"I will, promise." Raph said as he walked away.

"Okay? Bye I guess?" Leo called out as Raph disappeared down the stairs. "Anyone else think he's acting weird?"

"Leo please, Raph always acts weird when it comes to Christmas. This isn't new." Donnie said as he finished his letter.

"Why does he get weird?" Casey asked as he glanced between the twins.

"No clue." Leo replied.

Mikey watched as Raph disappeared down the stairs. He thought back to last Christmas. He remembered running into his brothers' room and see Raph just sitting on his bed in thought.

Wait... did his brother ever get a present last year? Or the year before that? Or the year before that one?

"That's it!" Miket shouted as he he lifted his pencil into the air. All the attention back on him as he grabbed another piece of paper.

"What is it?" Casey asked as he started a new drawing.

"Raph has never gotten a present." The room fell silent. Leo looked over at Donnie who immediately pulled up pictures of past Christmases and sure enough Mikey was right.

"Think about, after Raph turned nine he stopped receiving lots gifts. We always got what we wanted but Raph stopped getting anything." Mikey explained.

"Mikey's right! Wow that sounds weird, anyway, Raph did stop receiving presents when he was eleven." Donnie said as he went through every Christmas photo he had.

"Let me see that." April said as she went to sit next to Donnie. The brunette scrolled through the photo from their first Christmas together to the one last year. In each photo April could see how the happy carefree child went to one of worry and exhaustion. She knew exactly that look, her parents over the years would worry about not having enough money for gifts or even being able to give April a happy Christmas.

"Question guys?" April said as she turned to look at them.

"Possible answer." Donnie replied as he made the purple screen blink out of existence.

"How long have you tried to catch Santa?" April had a bad feeling about this.

"Since our third Christmas I think?" Mikey answered.

Oh no.

"Now that I think about it Raph always looked tired every Christmas morning. Maybe he tried staying up to see Santa?" Leo said as he thought back to every time they had to forcefully wake their brother up.

"Make sure all the traps are down. If I find one I will use my bat." April threatened as she stood up to find Raph.

"We're in trouble aren't we?" Leo asked getting echos of agreement from his brothers and a nodded from Casey.

Raph sat in his room with his blanket covering his whole body. He held his teddy bear to his plastron as he took deep breaths.

"Okay Raph you just need to get through this." He told himself as he gave his bear a squeeze. This year Donnie wasn't holding back on the traps. He feared if Santa was real the poor man would certainly put his brothers on the naughty list for sure.

April poked her head into his room and frowned see the large mass under the blanket.

"Raph?" She called out. The snapping turtle jumped at the brunette's presences. He scrambled to get the blanket off but when he did he flash her a smile.

"Oh hey April! W-what can this gently turtle help you with?" He greeted. April walked into the room closing the room behind her.

"What's going big guy?" April asked as she took a seat next to him. Raph scooted over to give her room and place part of his blanket on her lap.

"W-what do you mean? Everything's fine! Why wouldn't things be fine?" Raph rushed as he hugged his bear.

"Raph?" April gently placed a hand on his arm. "If you keep hugging him tight you'll rip him." She pointed pointing at the bear.

"Oh." Raph loosened his grip and placed his bear on his lap. The last thing he wanted was to hurt his fluffy friend. "Sorry I'm just a little stressed." He admitted.

"Care to share or will I have to break it down for you?" April said shooting him a knowing look.

Raph let out a sigh. As much as he wanted share he didn't want to ruin the illusion of Christmas to his brother's like it was ruin for him. He needed to keep the lie going. No matter how taxing it was on him. That was the burden he carried as the oldest.

"I'm just tired April." Raph finally said as he turned to look down at his bear.

"Tired?" Raph nodded. April sighed knowing she was going to poke the bear. "Raph they're old enough to know Santa isn't really."

Raph was quick to his feet. "No! No. April you can't tell them! Please?"

"Woah! Hey it's okay! Raph look at me." April was quick to he aid. Raph could feel the floor turn to mush under his feet as he tried to keep his balance. He could hear the high pitch ring start to fill his ears as he thought of his brothers' disappointed expressions. He couldn't do it. He had to lie. He had to keep it up for his brothers.

Jiggle

Raph stopped moving.

Jiggle

The sound of sleigh bells being shaken caught his attention. He looked towards April who held out her bracelet her mother had given her. It had red, green, sliver, and golden little bells on an elastic band. She shook the bracelet once more and Raph reached out to grab it.

"You with me buddy?" April asked as she placed the bracelet in his hand. Raph shook the bracelet and smiled. They sounded so pretty. "Raph?"

"I'm here. I'm here." He assured as he smile at her. April nodded as she guided him back to the bed. Raph deciding to lay on the bed with his head on April's lap.

"Raph you can't keep this up forever." April said as she gently caressed Raph's cheek.

"But I have to April. They need it." Raph argued.

"No buddy they need you and you need them." Raph didn't say anything, he just shook the bells as he stared into space. "Raph trust me. Christmas is a lot better once they realize where their gifts come from. It makes them even more special."

Raph sat up and flopped over to his pillow. April groan knowing she wasn't getting through to the snapping turtle. Raph just wanted to do what he had been doing since he was eight, be Santa for the sake of his brothers. He didn't care how long he had to keep it up for. He was going to continue until he could no more.

April stood up and walked to over towards his pillow. She bent down and place a kiss to his head and lightly pat his head. "Okay then, I won't tell them but you know they'll figure it out eventually, right?"

Raph didn't reply again. Just pulled his blanket over his head as a way of shutting the conversation down.

April decided to let him be for now. If Raph wanted to do this for his brothers then so be it. She walked towards the door and watched as Leo ran up the stairs through the small window.

Oh no.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *

It was Christmas eve, Raph woke up with one goal in mind. Wrapping presents. He poked his head out of his room to hear his brothers up and walking throughout the lair. He quickly ran out of his room and into Mikey's to grab some materials. He needed tape and his younger brother was the only one who seemed to have an infinite amount of it.

He grabbed a few packs and went to leave only for the box turtle to walk in holding a plate of pancakes.

"Hey Raph!" Mikey greeted with a smile. Raph let out a shriek seeing Mikey standing there.

"Oh Mikey! Hi! W-what are you doing here?" Raph asked as he tried hiding the packs of tape behind his back.

"Um... this is my room?" Mikey tilted his head in confusion. "What are you doing in here?" He questioned.

"Oh uh..." Raph scanned the room to come up with something, anything. "Just needed tape for a... um... poster in my room! Yeah and I know you have tape so I came in to ask you." He replied showing Mikey one pack of tape.

"Okay but you know you could have just taken it and shot me a message right? I wouldn't have mind." Mikey said as he set his plate on his art table. He pulled up a stool and sat down to eat. "By the way... Donnie was looking for you."

Donnie needed him? For what?

"Oh okay. I'll go see him later." Raph said as he walked out the room.

"Bye Raph!" Mikey shouted with a mouthful of food. Raph waved bye and speedwalked back to his room.

"That was a close one." Raph mumbled as he entered his room.

"What was?" Came Leo's voice from behind him.

"Leo!" Raoh shouted as he spun around to face the smirking slider.

"Dude are you okay? You're very jumpy today." Leo commented as he strode in. Raph quickly rushing over to his bed to knock the wrapping paper off it and into the crack between his bed and the metal wall.

"Y-yeah everything is okay why wouldn't things be okay?" He said in a rushed tone. Leo's brow bone raised up in question. "So um... did you need something?"

"Yeah Donnie wanted to let you know that we won't be Santa catching anymore. We even got rid of all the traps we setup." Leo informed as he glanced around Raph's room.

"What? Why?" Raph asked. This wasn't good. Leo would always fight Raph on this. Each year Raph would try to convince the twins to tone it back with the traps only for them to double that. Why suddenly stop?

"We're probably too old to be doing that. Also we can't keep having them go off with Casey around, the boy has gotten caught five times already." Leo chuckled as he remembered Casey being found trapped in one of Mikey's sticky traps near the kitchen.

On one hand Raph was relieved he didn't need to jump through traps but he also knew how important this was to his brothers, mostly Donnie. The science genius constantly going on rants about how Santa never truly got him what he wanted. He could hardly believe his brother would sit back without a fight.

"Raph!" Leo shouted as he was now waving his arms in the air in front of his brother.

"Y-yes?" Raph shrieked as he was brought out of his thoughts.

"I said 'are you ready to have fun today?'" Leo placed his hands on his hips. "Are you sure you're okay? You're looking a little pale. Maybe you should go see Donnie."

"No I'm good. Just um... tired is all!" Raph said waving a hand to dismiss the conversation.

"Okay if you say so." Leo turned around ready to walk out, only to stop right at the door. "Oh we're sleeping out in the atrium tonight. Casey said that's how he used to spent Christmas with his mom."

He didn't wait for Raph to answer, the slider walking out and around the corner. Raph sat in his room planning.

"What now Raph?" He asked himself. The tree was in the atrium, just like it had been every year in the new and old home. He couldn't pull this off with everyone in there. He needed a new plan, but first, wrapping.

Raph stood up and locked his door to insure none of his brothers walked in.

*  *  *  *  *  *

"Okay everybody gather around!" April shouted trying to wrangle up the family of turtles.

Mikey came bouncing out of the kitchen wearing a white Christmas sweater with a penguin wearing a Santa hat knitted in the pattern. He had baked cookies with Donnie and Casey, Donnie having lead the baking session due to it being his specialty. Behind him came Casey and Donnie, the boy ranting to Donnie about new tech ideas he could make with him later.

"Okay get over here already!" April shouted. Leo teleporting right behind her getting a shriek from the brunette. "Leo!"

"Ow! Sorry, sorry!" Leo laughed as April smacked his arm.

"Why are we here again?" Cassandra asked as she stood leaning against the entrance. Standing next to her was Draxum sipping on some hot chocolate Leo had made(with the help of Heuso of course).

"Family stuff." The Alchemist replied as he smiled seeing Mikey showing everyone his sweater. The Alchemist had been working on it for weeks after Raph showed him how and had made the boys all one.

"Okay let's get this party started!" Leo shouted as he pulled his blue sweater on. A unicorn riding a sleigh down a hill earned a chuckled from Casey and Donnie. "Why are you laughing? Put yours on doofes!"

"Because mine actually looks amazing and..." Donnie put his purple sweater on. Everyone stared as he gently pulled it all the way down so the Christmas tree design was visible. "It lights up!"

Echos of amazement came from the group as the sweater lit up in colors. Draxum had really out done himself with Donnie's.

"Okay are we all here?" April asked as she looked around the room. Suddenly it became apparent that Raph wasn't around and neither was Splinter. With how big the snapping turtle was it was a shock she hadn't noticed he was gone. "Hey where's Raph and Splints?"

The boys shared knowing looks.

"Hey April mind helping us out with something?" Leo asked with his signature smirk.

☆

Raph had finished wrapping the presents. Having to sperate them by colors, size, and bows.

"Red open the door." Came the voice of his father. Raph froze. His father wanting to talk to him was the last thing Raph wanted.

"Are you alone?" He asked as he turned to face his door.

"Yes now open." Raph walked over to the door, hesitated for a moment before sliding it open and seeing his father standing there. "May I come in?"

Raph didn't say anything as he stepped aside for his father to walk in. Splinter looked around the room once inside, taking notice of the wrapped up presents on the floor and bed.

"I see you're still set on this." Splinter commented as his eyes landed on a new wrapping paper he hadn't see. Raph had always stuck to get everyone their color coordinated wrapping paper, so seeing a black and white wrapping meant Casey.

"I have to-"

"You don't." Splinter shot back as he spun around to face his son.

"Yes I do!" Raph shouted as he slammed his door shut. The action making both of them jump. "S-sorry."

"Red, your brothers aren't babies anymore. You don't have to keep this up." Splinter tried reasoning but it only made it worse. First April and now his father? Raph had enough this time.

"But I was." He mumbled.

"What?" Splinter asked. Raph's voice was low he hadn't heard him properly.

Raph bawled up his fist and clenched his beak shut. His whole body shaking with anger.

"But I was!" Splinter took a step back at the sudden outburst. "I was eight dad! Eight!" Raph continued as he remembered that fateful night.

"Son I'm so-"

"No! No! You don't get to apologize after you found out what I did and left it all to me! I was just a child!" Raph barked. He could feel himself slowly lose his composer. He took a deep breath and relaxed his muscles.

Splinter didn't say anything as he watched his son closely. He knew what he had done wasn't something a good parent does. It was Christmas after all, a day for kids to just be kids and have fun, and he had ruined it for Raph.

"I thought... I thought since I knew the truth I could help you but once you caught on to me you stopped. You stopped being Santa to my brothers and I was forced to go through all the traps and the stress of hiding it from them. I did't like lying and you knew that." Raph cried. He tried wiping his tears way but more kept flowing.

Splinter went over to his bed and saw the bear head gotten him for the boys first Christmas. He smiled seeing his boy hadn't thrown it away.

"I remembered when I first got this bear." Splinter chuckled as he remembered trying to sneak around the toy store at ungodly hours of the night. "The smile on your face was something I would never forget."

Raph grabbed his bear and held it close to his chest. He remembered the day he got it. It was his first Christmas. The bear had been with him for years and to this day it had been the only thing he cherished more than anything he owned.

"I had asked a friend for a favor and they added something special to it." Splinter said as he pointed to his own nose.

Raph looked at his dad then back at his bear. He hesitantly booked the bear's black button nose and waited. Suddenly a bright golden glow came from it, blinding Raph in the process. He had to blink a couple of times till his eyes adjusted.

"Raph! Go long!" Came the voice of Leo. He watch as the golden orb of light showed him a memory. It was of him and his brothers playing with Laceface when they were kids.

"I got it! I got it!" Raph laughed as he watch his younger self jump into the air to catch the football.

Then the memory morphed to a different one. This one of all four of them making Donnie's first ever battle shell.

"Leo that's not the right color green!" Mikey shouted as he tried taking the crayon from his brother.

"But it's still green Mikey!" Leo shouted as he tugged the crayon out of his brother's hands.

"Guys focus! He said purple. Pur! ple!" His younger self shouted.

The memory faded as another appeared. This one being of him and Mikey arguing.

"I'm not a baby anymore Raph! Leo and Donnie have their own rooms!" Mikey shouted as he waved his arms around.

"But you're only eight Mikey!" Raph tried to argue. Mikey puffed out his cheeks as he turned his back on his brother. Leo and Donnie watching from around the corner, both amused and worried.

Raph let out a breath. As much as he wanted to fight him on this he knew it was bound to happen. He just didn't think it would be this soon.

"Okay buddy." Mikey turned to face his brother. He was still upset, he wasn't going to let his brothers keep treating him like a baby. He was growing, getting older, he needed his own space. "You can have your own room."

"Really?" Mikey asked in disbelief.

"Really." Mikey cheered as he ran around giggling to himself.

"Thanks Raph!" He hugged his brother. Raph hugged back and proceeded to help Mikey move his things out of Raph's room.

Tears rolled down his face as he watched all his childhood memories on display. All the goods ones and bad ones. He loved them all.

"Son?" Raph held the bear close to his chest as the memories faded. Splinter watched as Raph attempted to wipe his tears away only for more to come.

"I'm okay." Raph sniffled as he looked at his father. "Thank you."

Splinter smiled. He knew Raph wouldn't forgive him for forcing this burden on to him but this was a step. A small one, but a step nonetheless.

"I'll be with the others" Splinter got up with a grunt and waddled to the door. "Just so you know you're the only one I ever gave a magic gift to."

Raph laughed knowing exactly why. If their father had given each their own the twins would have abused it the second they knew about it.

Splinter closed the door behind him leaving raph with his thoughts. He looked down at the bear in his hands and smiled. His father had gotten out of his way to give him this. That made his heart fill with joy and glee knowing his father cared and loved him. He wondered if his brothers would feel the same.

☆

It was close to midnight, everyone had eaten the food Mikey made and were currently having dessert.

"Donnie this are delicious!" Casey exclaimed as he shoved a large piece of red velvet cake in his mouth.

"Hey don't eat like a pig!" Cassandra scolded him. She bonked the teen on his head then elbowed Leo on the side as he laughed with his mouth full of cookies.

"Ow! Why me?" Leo shouted as he whinced at the pain.

"Because you're a bad example to my son." Cassandra said as she handed Casey a napkin so he could clean his face.

"Future son." Donnie mumbled as he nibbled on a present shaped cookie. He was helping April fix some of the ornaments on the tree.

"Still my kid!" Cassandra shouted as she knew he was behind the tree.

"Okay everyone let's get ready for bed." Raph said as he came up the steps carrying large quilts and fluffy blankets. Behind him was Draxum with some pillows, the sheep yokai having been dragged to help by Mikey.

"Not yet!" Mikey shouted as he came dropping down from the ceiling. Raph let out a scream and dropped the things he was holding to catch his little brother, only for Mikey to stop himself with his nunchucks' chains.

"Don't scare me like that!" Raph shouted, he voice cracking a bit as he watched his brother hang upside down in front of him laughing.

"Sorry Raph but we have one thing to do before we can go to bed." Mikey uncrossed his leg from the chain and dropped down to face Donnie. "Okay Dee make it official!"

Donnie walked around the tree into view as he pulled up the digital clock on his wrist pad. "Not yet... and... dramatic pause of effect... It is now officially Christmas!" Donnie announced getting cheers from everyone.

"And?" Leo said as he slid on over to his twin.

"And Santa is officially late." Donnie added getting cheers from Mikey and Leo.

"Looks like Santa came late to the party!" Leo said as he spun around Donnie before throwing an arm around the softshell's shoulders.

Raph let out a deep breath as he watched his brothers goof around. It was time. He had to do it now. There was no turning back.

"Actually, he has been here since we started." Raph said as he turned around to walk back to his room.

"What are you talking about? He's not here Raph." Donnie said as he rolled his eyes.

"Just wait here." Raph disappeared back to his room and grabbed the bag filled with gifts. He needed to do this now. "You got this Raph." He said to himself as he rushed back to the others.

Raph stopped just out of view from the others. He took a deep breath as he closed his eyes to focus. He gently shook his left hand where the bracelet April had given him rested and smiled hearing the gentle sound of the bells.

"Okay Raph, here we go." He whispered and stepped back into the room. Immediately all the attention was on him. Whatever conversation his family was having went silent as he entered, the giant bag lugged over his shoulders receiving looks of curiosity and confusion.

"What's in the bag bud?" Leo asked as he tilted his head at the size of it.

"Santa's here to deliver your gifts." Raph said placing the bag down in front of himself. "Slightly off schedule." He added glancing over at Donnie with an apologetic smile.

"Three minutes and forty-five seconds off schedule to be exact. Slowest tme yet Santa." Donnie said as he uploaded the information into his database.

"Yeah will I decideto do things differently this year" Raph said getting weird looks from his his brothers.

"What do you mean by that?" Leo questioned as he took a stepped forward t get a peek into the bag.

Raph let out a long and loud sigh as he felt his body tense. April was quick to his side as she gently rubbed circles on his arm to sooth his anxiety. He was grateful to have her around, she always knew how to make him relax and was always there for him when he needed it the most. After all, she was their sister.

"Santa... he um..." April took hold of his hand and gently squeezed it. He squeezed back and smiled at her before continuing. "The reason why you guys were never able to catch Santa was because... I'm Santa."

The three were quiet. Mikey blinked as he was processing the information. Leo's eyes were wide open in shocked and Donnie just stared blankly at him.

Raph bit the inside of his cheek as he waited for their responses. Were they mad? Did they hate him? Was this the right idea? Raph didn't know.

"Looks like I win boys! Pay up Leo" Donnie was the first to speak. He grinned as he turned to look at Leo with his hand out.

"Dude!" Leo and Mikey shouted smacking him in the back of the head.

"Hey! What was that for?" Donnie shouted back as he rubbed the back of his head.

"He just admitted to being Santa and that was the first thing you choose to say? Really?" Leo scolded him. Donnie shrugged as he held out his hand out for his payout. Leo huffed as he handed over twenty dollars with a scoff.

"Wait, what?" Raph asked as he looked around confused.

"We found out a few days ago." Mikey said as he stepped closer to his brother. "Leo kinda overheard your conversation with April. Sorry."

Leo shot him an apologetic smile.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop. We were just worried about you not having received presents on Christmas. April had caught me and told us not to say anything until you told us yourself." Leo explained. So they already knew. Raph felt a bit upset but the pressure he felt had slowly washed away. Sure the guilt was still there but it wasn't as strong. Just a small whispered in the back of his head.

"With that being said, anything you boys want to give your big brother?" April said as she winked at them. Mikey nodded and ran to the tree to grab three small boxes from under it. Raph hadn't noticed them earlier, he didn't think would unless someone had pointed it out to him.

Mikey had his brothers one each before turning to face Raph.

"Merry Christmas Raph." The three said as they showed him the gifts. Raph stood there staring at the bright colorful wrapped gifts.

"Well grab one already. I promise it's nothing bad." Leo said as he shook the box he was holding towards him.

Raph tooks Donnie's first. He glanced around the room as everyone waited for his reaction and opened the present. Inside was a red bracelet with a small purple turtle charm embedded into it. Raph gently took it out of the box and held it in the palm of his hand.

"It's made high grade titanium so you know it won't break easily even with how strong you punch." Donnie informed. "You do like it right?"

Raph smiled at him and nodded. He didn't think he could talk without choking on the upcoming tears.

"Okay Leon's turn!" Leo said as he pushed his box towards Raph. April took the box Donnie's gift was inside of so Raph could grab Leo's.

Just like Donnie's gift, inside was three charms, a blue turtle, an orange turtle and a red turtle. Raph smiled as tears blurred his vision slightly. Leo stood right in front of him and helped Raph placed the charms into the empty slots around the bracelet. The metal easy shaping itself around the small pieces of jewelry.

"Okay Miguel your next buddy." Leo said as he backed up to let his little brother through. Mikey bounced over and held his gift out for Raph. It was slightly bigger than the other two, and when raph held it he noticed it was heavier as well.

He carefully opened it and inside was a small crystal snow globe. He held it up not knowing what exactly it was sonce there wasn't anything inside. Mikey gently grabbed his wrist and gave the globe a shake. Suddenly the snow glob lit up and slightly blinded Raph.

Raph blinked a few times to let his eyes adjust. When they did he was in awe. Inside the globe was them as tots. It was the day they had gone trick or treating away from the city. The memory repeated itself until Mikey shook it again. This time it was when they had their first Christmas. The boys were ripping open their gifts while Splinter watched with a smile.

"Draxum helped me make it. It's a memory globe." Mikey said as he let go of Raph's hand. Raph shook the globe once more and the memory changed to the boys sleeping in a pile. Raph in the middle with little Mikey on his plastron and the twins on either side of him. The four of them peacefully sleeping the night away in their shared room.

"Thank you." Raph whimpered as tears rolled down his face. Mikey was quick to give his brother a hug. April took the gifts from Raph so he could properly hug his brother. Leo and Donnie joined in as well and gently patted their brother on the back.

"Thank you too." Mikey said as he rubbed his face against the side of his brother's chest.

"What for?" Raph asked as he slowly rocked the four of them side to side.

"For always taking care of us." Leo said as he cried.

"For always putting up with us even if it was mostly Leo's fault." Donnie said earning him a poke to the cheek by Leo. Raph laughed and gently patted their heads.

"And for being our big brother. We love you Raph." Mikey finished. Raph let out a sob as he tightened his hold on his brothers.

"I love you guys too." Raph said he picked his brothers up and spun around with them. Mikey and Leo laughed while Donnie tried to escape the airborne embrace.

"Okay enough togetherness! Let us open our presents now!" Donnie shouted. Raph gently set them down and stepped aside so they could get to the bag of gifts. Mikey immediately finding his within seconds.

"How we doing big guy?" April asked as she handed him his gifts. Raph looked down as April took her bracelet back and replaced it with the one Donnie made him.

"I'm doing good Apes." Raph said giving her a hug. He picked her up slightly then gently set her down again.

"You give really good hugs you know that?" April said as she took her glasses off to wipe her tears.

"So I've been told." Raph chuckled as he turned to see everyone opening their gifts.

"Holy mother of pizza! These are so cool!" Leo shouted as he unwrapped two new Saya for his swords. He marveled at the blue design of lightning that wrapped around them. "Thanks Raph!"

"Yeah that's for the new supply Raph!" Mikey shouted as he was already painting on the walls with his new set of spray paints.

"OH MI GOSH!" Donnie shouted as he unwrapped his gift. Everyone turned to look at him as he proudly held up a small vile of what he had always wanted.

"Wait is that..." Leo squinted his eyes at the green glowing liquid.

"URANIUM!" Donnie exclaimed. "Raph you are officially my favorite." He immediately placed the vile in his battle shell for safe keeping until he could get back to his lab.

"Merry Christmas everyone!" Raph said as everyone continued to open their gifts.

Cassandra had gotten a new throwing knifes since Raph had promised to she would be able to train in the the lair anytime. She Thanked him and promised to take good care of them. Draxum had gotten a picture frame of their first time camping. He had help Raph and Mikey catch a giant fish and the trio decided to take a family picture with the prized catch on display. Splinter has received something similar but with the addition of the Jones in the photo on their day to the waterfall. That day their father had won the twins silly cannonball competition and Donnie had made him a trophy.

As for April, raph had gotten her a necklace with a heart shaped locket. Inside was a picture of the five of them with the words 'best sister ever' engraved inside. April hugged cried as she gently took it out of the small box and put the necklace on.

"A bear?" Casey said as he opened his gift. It was Raph's bear. When he had gone with Draxum to receive the blankets and pillows he asked him for a favor. Raph motioned for him to touch the nose and once he did the bear lit up. A bright orb hoover around him before stopping right in front of him.

"Hey buddy, you having fun?" Came Leo voice from it. Casey teared up as the memory from when he was six played in front of him. Leo stood there staring right at him a gentle smile on his face.

"Yup! You did this all the time when you were little?" Came his voice. Casey watched as Leo picked up his younger self and stared up at the stars.

"All the time bud." Leo replied as he placed him on his shoulders. "Let's go back inside before your mother starts to worry."

The memory faded as did the light. Casey hugged the bear and cried seeing his sensei again. Cassandra was quick to his side comforting him.

"Thank you." He managed to crooked out. Raph sat down next to him and pulled him into a hug. Casey cried as he hugged back.

"Merry Christmas Casey."

"Merry Christmas Raph."