Chapter Text
As the small flame flickered into life it was slightly larger than normal, so as it touched the pale skin of her inner thigh it made Wednesday flinch and emit a small yelp of surprise. This was not what she wanted, she needed to control the exact time the flame touched her, so she pulled away and flicked the lighter on again from further away. She silently cursed the cheap plastic lighter she had to use today rather than her antique one which had run out of fuel.
Wednesday's inner thighs were beginning to be very sore recently as the burning had become more frequent. She managed to treat the burns and cover them up with tight bandages to stop them rubbing during the day but they still had a tendency to sting when crossing her legs or running. Although uncomfortable it took her mind away from those dark corners it often got stuck in.
She had no choice but to continue. She deserved it. The last few weeks had been torture. The investigations into the woodland murders had been so frustrating, no one had believed her until it was too late which had caused so much pain and suffering. She hated her tiny stature, being short meant no one believed her - she looked about 12 even though she was nearing 17 years old. She had tried to become strong and athletic through mastering various sports and going to the gym but she couldn’t seem to bulk up, staying skinny and - to onlookers - visibly weak. She just detested her crappy little body.
Her own passion to reveal the truth at Nevermore had also caused so many arguments with her friends. Huh - friends? She had never had any before Nevermore and didn’t really recognise what one was, until it was too late. In the last few weeks she realised Bianca, Xavier and Yoko had all tried to be friendly and she had treated them really poorly in her desperate chase for answers. She was so stupid, manipulating people and destroying relationships before they even started.
Then there was Enid. The colourful werewolf roommate had been occupying her mind so much barely anything else was in her brain. She had developed feelings for her which she couldn’t shake. She had initially recoiled from her on their first meeting - being allergic to colours was a real problem for her - but found later that even the slightest touch from her sent electric shocks through her body. It was almost the same level of feeling the stupid burning gave her, but instead of pain and shame from the self harm she just felt an incredible wave of pleasure wash over her. Even just a momentary glance was enough to drive that thrill to Wednesday's very core. Wednesday had to keep those feelings private though, why would Enid ever be interested in her? Wednesday was always horrible to her and even if they did get together she would never want Enid to see what she did to herself.
After the fight with The Hyde in the woods Wednesday had seen how powerful Enid could be - this did things to Wednesday which sent her emotions wild - she assumed that was lust. This only deepened further after Enid had saved her life and especially during that wonderful hug after the Crackstone show down. That was the first and only time Wednesday had relaxed and let herself be touched in such a way. It was pure bliss, she didn’t want it to end, but her self destructive nature butted in and eventually she pushed the beautiful werewolf away. She cared for Enid and didn’t want her getting hurt by her own damaging personality.
Enid still bore the scars from protecting Wednesday, which brought shame to Wednesday. If she hadn’t been at the school the beautiful girl wouldn’t have those marks. All they made Wednesday think was how much a sad shameful loser she was.Wednesday decided that if she remained at arms length to everyone it would protect them, even the woman she loved.
So this physical pain was the only way she could punish herself when others couldn’t, and leave a lasting reminder of why she didn’t deserve - or even want? - happiness. As far as she was concerned she was resigned to being miserable her whole life, she just had to accept it.
“OWWW” Wednesday shrieked as the metal top of the lighter, now super heated by the small flame, burnt her thumb. It brought her sharply back to the present.
“You ok in there?” asked Enid through the bathroom door. Shit thought Wednesday, she didn’t know Enid was back in the dorm. She panicked and put the lighter away, quickly wrapping the bandages around her thighs and pulling her long skirt back down.
“I’m ok, just stubbed my toe” she lied as she straightened her clothes and walked out into their shared room.
Enid smiled as she saw Wednesday, making the smaller girl almost swoon as she walked towards her own bed. Wednesday tried hard not to look at her as she knew her emotions were painted all over her face so turned away from Enid, trying hard not to make it obvious that she was embarrassed and ashamed. What she had been doing in the bathroom had made it, in her head, even harder to connect with Enid, the thought of which brought a small tear to her cheek which she quickly wiped away. What she wouldn’t do to see Enid's smile up close, to embrace Enid, to pull her tight to her……
In her rush to keep away from her Wednesday didn’t see Enid sniffing the air, her heightened werewolf senses smelling some sort of burning. She couldn’t quite place it. She watched Wednesday lie on her bed and spotted the end of a bandage below her skirt line.
“Are you sure you’re ok Wednesday? And what’s that bandage for?” Enid enquired.
Wednesday panicked and tucked the bandage away so Enid couldn’t see it, turning her face to the wall as she laid down.
“I just have it on my knee for a strain” she lied. Not altogether convincing she thought but it was all she had in that moment.
“Oh ok” Enid replied. There was something wrong, she could hear Wednesday's heart beat faster than normal but she knew from experience that pursuing the matter would only push Wednesday away.
“I’m off to Yoko's room, do you want to come?”
“Not really, I’m tired” she lied again. Why would anyone want to spend time with her? She would end up insulting them and ruining their day. It wasn’t fair to try and make nice with the Ophelia Hall residents, they were better off without her in their lives.
“Ok no problem” Enid replied with a slight frown. She thought she would push it a little further. “If you need me to help you let me know, I’m here for you” as she walked out of the door.
“That’s the problem” Wednesday whispered to herself so Enid couldn’t hear her. If Enid wasn’t around she hopefully wouldn’t obsess about her so much. As the door clicked shut Wednesday brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, burying her face as hard as she could into herself as she began to sob uncontrollably. Although she had wanted to be alone, the silence of the now empty room felt worse than ever before.