Chapter Text
It’d been three weeks since the siege of the North Pole, three weeks in which they’d floated on that raft with barely any food or water, and three weeks since she’d had the occasion to relax.
But Azula didn’t relax.
Unlike Uncle, who was quick to accept the spa staff’s help, she had other things to worry about. Like the fact that since Zhao ran away, she would now be even less in Father’s favour. For all she knew, he could harden the requirements to lift her banishment.
Banishment.
Three weeks wasn’t the only type of time that had been in her mind. It had been three years since her banishment. Three years since the Agni Kai. Three years since she’d seen-
She shook her head, trying to forget that moment. It would always come back to haunt her in her nightmares anyway, so why dwell on it while still being awake?
Iroh commented on how nice it was to relax, probably trying to get her to join, but she just stayed in her corner and looked at the sea. The sea that had been her only safe place for three years, the sea that had killed thousands of her countrymen, the sea that had almost killed her and Uncle. (The sea that separated her from the person she wanted so desperately to see.) She didn’t want to relax. She just wanted to go home, or even to get her ship and crew back.
But when had she ever gotten what she’d wanted?
In the corner of her eye, she saw her uncle get up and walk towards her, probably to have some meaningful discussion about something. But Azula didn’t want to talk, especially about her banishment, so she got up and walked away before he could say anything.
She walked through the resort’s garden and decided to sit behind a flower bush. She wasn’t hiding, she was just looking for some space. The flowers were in bloom, with a few already opened while the rest of them were still buds. Their orange colour was accentuated by the little yellow petals that appeared at the centre of the opened ones.
She picked one of the bloomed flowers and looked at it. It was almost calming, looking at these speckled colours contrasting against the greens and blues that surrounded her. The sound of the ocean was still audible, and for a moment she was back at Ember Island, secretly sharing some sweets she’d stolen with her brother. She could almost hear their giggling as their mother tried in vain to find them. He always found the best hiding spots when he was prompted to, to Mother’s aggravation.
The memory faded as quickly as it came, leaving her with a random orange flower in her hand. She picked at it a few times, resisted the urge to scratch her arms, and threw it away from her. At some point, Uncle started calling for her, and she decided that as long as her didn’t talk about her banishment, she would indulge him to the best of her abilities.
*****
Four hours later, they were back from a very long, very boring walk at the beach. Sure, she liked beaches, but there was only so much sand and waves to look at before it got boring. An hour or two would have been fine, but Uncle had insisted on stopping at every pebble or seashell he found, talking about how a ray of sun hit the waves so wonderfully, or how the natural sounds of the ocean were so pleasant. Honestly, it was a wonder she’d managed to hold her tongue during that whole outing.
They walked back to their room as Iroh kept commenting on how magnificent the shells he’d brought back was, and Agni she was this close to making a magnificent fire with those bloody shells.
“I’ll enjoy these keepsakes for years to come,” he continued, making her groan.
“We can’t keep all of them. Unless you’ve forgotten, Uncle, we need to carry all our things ourselves now.”
Seriously, she could understand wanting to keep one or two small ones, but a whole bag’s worth? Plus, half of those shells were the size of her hand or bigger! It wasn’t useful, and he was being absurd, and annoying, and she was going to give him a bloody piece of her mind-
“Hello, Azula. Uncle,” said a calm raspy voice coming from behind them. It sounded a bit like…
No, it couldn’t be him, right?
She turned around and realised that it was him. Leaning on a nearby wall, Zuko was giving her a small but genuine smile as he looked at her with warmth. He’d gown up since the last time she’d seen him. He was taller, his hair now perfectly tied in a topknot with the exception of a few strands, he was wearing the armour royalty wore when outside of the mainland, and he now looked exactly like Father. The only thing breaking that picture was the big, red scar burned on his skin that covers his left eye and ear, destroying part of his hairline. His voice was deeper and raspier, which probably came from getting that burn.
She stared at him, dumbfounded. “What are you doing here?” she breathed.
His smile grew fondly. “Normally, you’re supposed to greet me back before asking questions.”
She kept staring, trying to not linger on the scar (it was the first time she’d seen it, it looked even worse than what she’d imagined and every bit as painful as she’d seen) and instead focusing on the fact that his gaze was nothing like Father’s. Sure, they had the same eye colour, but Zuko’s eyes were soft in a way that their father’s had never been, at least not around her.
She took a few steps as she felt her lips twitch and stopped in front of him. “Hello,” she smiled.
He looked down at her like she was the only thing that mattered in this room. Agni, he’d gotten even more taller than her. It was infuriating. Her smile widened.
“Hi,” he rasped. It was simple, but it made her lose all her sense of personal space before he could continue.
She hugged him tightly, staying on the tip of her toes so that she could put her chin on his shoulder, and took in the fact that he was really there. He was stiff at first, something that usually happened when he wasn’t the one initiating physical contact, but she could relate to that as well. His arms wrapped around her as he leaned in, and soon enough it felt like back when they were small and always had each other.
She wanted it to go on. No matter how much she tried to squash that feeling, she still wanted to feel the warmth that had only really exuded from him, she still wanted to feel safe in his arms, she still wanted to feel normal with him. But in the end, Zuko cut it short, and it left a bitter taste in her mouth. He never did that before. Things still changed.
He turned to Iroh and bowed respectfully, like someone who doesn’t want to interact with someone else but doesn’t want to be rude.
“It’s good to see you again, Nephew. To what do we owe the honour?” His voice was levelled, amicable, but Azula had long since been used to how Uncle’s eyes dimmed when her brother was a conversational topic. Here, it would almost be awkward if it weren’t for the fact that Zuko clearly saw it and didn’t care.
“I’ve been sent to bring a message,” he said, arms behind his back, suddenly looking like the perfect prince. “With the Avatar still running around and the defeat at the North Pole, Father heard rumours about people wanting to overthrow him. More than the usual amount. He wants you two back home, where he can keep count on all of us.”
Azula blinked. She blinked again. Father wanted them home? Father wanted her home? The last time she’d seen him, he’d deemed her dangerous enough to burn her forearms and throw her out. Did he really think she was that desperate? (Why did he never talk to her like Mother did? Why couldn’t he just be there? Why couldn’t he just see her?)
She scoffed. “Since when does Father want me near him?”
He sighed, looking like he was trying to stay on topic. “It’s not out of love or sentimentality. He wants to keep tabs on anyone who would be powerful enough and mad enough at him to try to take him down. You two fit the bill perfectly. So he want you home.”
She stopped herself from telling him that he also fit that bill perfectly. He had to, right?
“He doesn’t want to give us a chance to stage a coup,” Uncle filled in.
“Keep your enemies closer,” she nodded.
He did a noise that sounded like a one note laugh, quick and polite. “Hopefully not to that level of animosity.” His arms dropped, along with his professional air. “Look, I know that it’s not for the right reasons, but this is your chance to come back, to finally come home.” His voice faltered, like he was debating whether or not to continue, and his eyes (eye) were now wide and honest to a painful degree. “I’ve missed you.”
She stared into them, and suddenly every part of her that screamed that she never wanted to leave him again got louder. But going back home also meant going back to Father… In the end, it felt like the kind of sacrifice she could make. Ozai never really paid attention to her as long as she made herself small and insignificant (always ignored for the prodigal son instead, always looked down on when all she ever wanted was his lo-).
“I… When would we be leaving?”
“Tomorrow morning. So, are you coming back with me?”
The emotion was still there, but something passed on his face. The expectation there seems… off. She decided to ignore it. It’d been three years, maybe his facial ticks had changed a bit. (Half of his face didn’t move properly anymore, she could only refer herself to his right side.)
“I think I still need the night to take it in. Mind if I mull it over until then?”
“Not at all.” He stared at her for a little bit before asking with a glint in his eye, “Can we talk in private?”
She was about to answer that of course they could, because that glint usually meant some dumb joke or random fact he wanted to tell her, or something fun he wanted to share with her, but Uncle cut her off.
“You can do so tomorrow. We’ve had a long day and I’m sure you have things to take care of.” Again, he sounded amicable, but he was practically scrutinizing Zuko like he was about to set the whole resort on fire.
In a way, it did make sense. That glint also appeared when he was about to do something stupid while knowing that it was, or when he was very angry and tried to hide it. But she was pretty sure he’d grown out of pitching to steal pastries to mix them together and see how they would taste, or to find hiding spots in the highest rooftops of the palace.
She expected Zuko to push like he’d always done, but instead he nodded with a smile that looked far too polite on him. “You’re right, we can talk tomorrow. See you then.”
As he passed her, he patted her shoulder, and she patted his hand. She almost wanted to ask him to stay, but Uncle was being a nuisance and she didn’t want things to be weird.
Once he’d left, she turned to Iroh, not caring if things would now be weird.
“What was that about?”
“What do you mean, Niece?”
She huffed. “You weren’t exactly being cordial to him. What happened to ‘being nice to people is one of the greatest treasures of life’?”
“It’s just… a lot of news he brings.”
Oh so that’s how he wanted to play it? “Yes. After three years, it’s quite unbelievable.”
“It does sound characteristic of Ozai to do this. But out of all the messengers he could have sent…”
Her nose wrinkled as she saw what he implied. “What do you have against Zuko?”
He hesitated at her bluntness. “Nothing, Niece, it’s just… It’s been three years, three years where he’s only been around Ozai. I know that you two were close, but I still think we should just be a little cautious around-”
“You don’t know anything about him, or how he feels about me.” How could he? He’d never interacted much with Zuko without Lu Ten.
“I only meant that in our family, things are not always what they seem.”
“I think you are exactly what you seem,” she snarled. “A lazy, mistrustful, shallow old man who always thinks he knows better but is just as bad as everyone else.”
Zuko was always what he seemed to her. Things couldn’t change that quickly.
She left him alone to gather up what little things she had.
She may not fully know of her brother’s loyalties, but she knew that she was at the top. He wouldn’t lie to her. Not like this.
He couldn’t.
*****
She was still angry with her uncle at dawn, and since the man was clearly reticent at coming back with her, she didn’t wake him up. (Her chest ached as she walked away from the room, not wanting to be left again by someone who had somehow stood by her for so long.)
As she walked down the stairs towards the dock, she could spot the ship that Zuko came on. Even from such a distance, it looked much bigger than hers, which was now scraps.
She started walking again, but was stopped by Uncle calling out to her. She turned around, surprised but happy to see that he’d changed his mind.
“Family sticks together, right?” he smiled, placing his hand on her shoulder.
For a moment, she thought of a very old memory, one where Father acted like he actually saw her, like he somewhat cared. It was more bitter than sweet, and yet it gave her the small glimmer of hope that maybe things wouldn’t be as bad. She tried to destroy that hope, but it remained.
She smiled back. “We’re finally going home.”
Back home. Back to the gardens (where Mother was gone). Back to her friends (Ty Lee’s letter clearly stated that she wasn’t in Caldera anymore and she didn’t know what had become of Mai). Back to her brother (Zuko had changed, it might be small, but he’d definitely changed).
Back home.
They arrived at the docks. Soldiers in red were everywhere, and she had to stop herself from stiffening. Before, having to deal with Fire Nation soldiers meant annoyance or anxiety, depending on the situation. But this wasn’t the case now. Zuko was here. She was safe.
He greeted them from the top of the ship’s ramp, a smile playing on his lips. His stance was confident, the very picture of the perfect prince.
“I’m glad you decided to come.”
They started walking up the ramp, and she had to stop her shoulders from tensing. This was fine. Zuko was here.
The man who seemed to be the captain appeared and bowed to him. “Are we ready to depart, Your Highness?”
He nodded. “Yes, Captain. Set our course for home.” He turned to her again, eyes soft, and they both knew that the real home was when they were both together.
“You heard the prince,” the captain announced. “Raise the anchors! We’re taking the prisoners home!”
Time stopped.
Her breathing got louder in her head, only overshadowed by the slight ringing that just appeared.
Zuko’s eyes lost all warmth, and that glint appeared again.
No.
The captain sputtered something, and Uncle started fighting behind her, but all she could focus on was her brother walking away as guards tried to dispose of her.
How dare he?
(How could he?)
She easily dispelled the attacks, shoving the soldiers and the captain into the sea, and ran onto the deck to face him, alone.
“You lied to me!” She tried to keep her voice full of outrage and nothing more, but something slipped. Something always slipped around him.
“I didn’t have a choice.” His voice was cold, unflinching, and she started to wonder how much had changed in those years.
He easily dodged her fire daggers, letting her dance around him like a cat-dolphin playing with its food. Her left hand got too close to the left side of his face (she didn’t mean to), but he caught it. He didn’t even flinch as the fire kept burning right next to the destroyed parts of his skin. Shouldn’t he at least be worried that it would scorch him again?
“Why?” she breathed.
“Father sent me. He thinks you’re a traitor.”
“And you just followed his orders?”
“He was going to send someone else if I refused. And I have a plan. I can get you a way back.” He sounded so sure, but Zuko rarely has a plan.
“Get me back by throwing me in prison!”
She tried to push him back with her free hand, but he twisted her arm instead, turning her around, and kicked her knee. She kneeled down, and he turned her around again before she could do anything else.
“I can reason with Father. All you need to do is stop fighting and do as I say.”
She tried to land a hit on him, but again, he easily dodged. For that, he shoved her to the ground.
“Don’t be difficult.” His voice was still levelled, his stance loose and unbothered, and yet his eyes changed again, looking almost pleading. It piqued her curiosity, but this was hardly the time to prod.
At the sight of her clear disagreement, he lifted his hand up, as if to conjure a flame. And yet, nothing appeared, apart from the clear shift in the air. The shift she knew as lightning. The thing he used to beat himself up for not being able to do, now easily appearing in the palm of his hand. The hand moving towards her.
She knew he wouldn’t kill her, knew it in her heart. But if he could lie so easily to her now, what else was he willing to do?
She shut down for a few seconds, freezing in place, the only thought in her head being ‘how?’. How had their father managed to make him do this?
By the time she came back to reality, she could hear and splash and her uncle telling her to go. He grips her tight as they run. Zuko wasn’t on the deck anymore.
They ran away, from their nation, from their family, from her brother.
Once they were sure they were far enough, they stopped by a stream and knelt down. She stared at her reflexion, worried eyes looking back at her. She wasn’t surprised that Ozai wanted her gone, no matter how much it hurt the naïve younger part of herself, but to send Zuko?
Because her brother didn’t actually want her in prison. She’d been angry on the moment, but he had been more than clear that he wanted to help her. But Azula knew that he couldn’t. It was impossible. Father didn’t love her, didn’t see a use for her, so he wouldn’t listen to Zuko, no matter what he thought.
They couldn’t go back.
She shifted, taking out her knife from her boot. It used to be his, until she kept pestering him about wanting it, and she just got some dumb sanding blocks, and you always get everything cool, and-
It weighed in her hand. Before, the pressure was reassuring. Now, it was bittersweet.
She brought it to her hair, as close to the base on her phoenix tail as possible, and cut it. What little hair remained fell over her forehead and on her neck as she passed the knife to Iroh. She would have to cut it better, it would get in the way like this.
Once he was done, they dropped the cut hair into the stream, watching as they disappeared.
“Niece?”
She got up and turned around, not wanting to talk about it.
“Let’s go.”