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For not the first time, Percy had to bite his lip to not feel bitter about the differences between Camp Jupiter and New Rome University, and Camp Half-Blood.
Most of the time, he was glad— really, he was happy that the demigods on the Roman side of things could live long, full, happy lives, but on some days…
On some days, he couldn’t help the rising swell of anger, of grief, of jealousy that just because they were Roman, just because their godly parents decided to be Greek but a little west-northwest, they grew up.
They didn’t get chased down at the beginning of middle school without knowing what was chasing them or why, they didn’t have a life expectancy of 18. They weren’t like Charles and Selina.
Most days, Percy could push the green beast that screamed in outrage at the injustice of it all. Most days it didn’t even cross his mind to be upset about it; too busy rushing from English 101 to the nearest coffee shop before he had to be at Marine Biology in ten minutes.
Today wasn’t one of those days.
Today was one of the days that he could hardly think about anything but the bone-deep horror and grief as he watched the Princess Andromeda explode with his friend Charles Beckendorf still on board. He could feel the resentment boil up like a pot of milk— he turns away from his indifference for just a second, and all of his anger is coming out of the carefully built walls that kept that kind of rage out of reach. Today was one of the days that he watched Luke Castellan stab himself in the heart to end the first Titan War after being led astray by Kronos. Percy looked around at all of the younger demigods, many of them close to the same age that Luke was when he died and silently seethed at the fact that they were the younger demigods. They weren’t even old enough for their midlife crisises and they were as old or older than Luke.
A crackling noise brought Percy back to his homework about coral reefs and he watched with dismay as the glass of water he’d ordered to help clear his head leaked slowly out onto his papers, not even reaching out to stop it.
“Well, somebody’s having an off day.” Percy’s eyebrow ticked, the glass gained another fracture. “Sorry.” Apollo said, sliding into the booth across from Percy and his now ruined homework. Whatever, he could get a new copy after class tomorrow. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“You didn’t.” Percy clipped. If Apollo had startled him, it wouldn’t be the glass that was harmed. “What do you want?”
“I don’t want anything.” Apollo blinked innocently. Percy took a deep breath in through his nose. “Hey now, don’t give me that look.” The ever-cheery sun god laughed at Percy’s agitation, as though his anger hadn’t caused hurricanes and controlled the blood of his enemies. “I really don’t want anything from you, except for maybe a moment of your time.”
“Why.” Percy dug his nails into his palms, counting off the reasons why he couldn’t kill the deity before him. He guides the sun, we need the sun. The sun is a necessary thing .
“No need to be so snippy, Percy.” Apollo fluttered his eyelashes. He’s Will’s dad. You can’t kill Will’s dad, his children need him .
“Apollo.” Percy gritted. Artemis would kill me if I hurt Apollo. And all the hunters. I don’t want to fight all of them just for the satisfaction of strangling Apollo . “Today is really not the day for games.” He’s also the god of medicine, medicine is important .
“I rather enjoy games” The glass on the table shattered and Percy stood from the table, slamming both of his hands on its surface. Apollo looked between Percy and the rapidly pooling water on the table with a hint of surprise.
“I’m not doing this today.” Percy snapped, grabbing his bag from the booth beside him and fisting his ruined papers in one hand, sliding them off of the table to throw away on his way out.
“Wait, Percy—” Percy didn’t listen, effectively blocking the god’s voice out of his head. He could feel every sensation harsh on his skin, practically feel the distant waters of the Pacific begging to boil up into a storm in response to his anger, as it was, he had to make a conscious effort to not burst any pipes on his way out of the cafe. He pushed open the door. “Percy!” He could hear the god call behind him, somewhat muffled as the door shut behind him.
Unfortunately, Apollo was a god and with the tell-tale buzzing of the air next to him and the faint smell of laurel, Apollo appeared in a flash of light. “Percy—”
“I said not today .” Percy cut the god off, throat beginning to close. He didn’t know if he wanted to scream or cry, but he certainly needed to hit something. Hopefully one of the training fields was open at this time, and free of people.
“Percy.” Apollo repeated, obviously not the god of taking a goddamn hint. “Hey, I was just trying to make conversation, what’s wrong?” Percy didn’t respond, didn’t even look at the man with blonde hair and bronze skin. He didn’t need to look into those blue eyes and see his own failures to save the people he loved. He didn’t need to look at the god of truth and see all the lies the gods had told him as a child.”Percy,” He ignored him, turning a corner into an alleyway shortcut back towards his apartment to at least try to calm down before he resorted to violence to soothe his anger. “ Percy .” A hand caught his shoulder, halting him where he stood and without too much thought about who he was hitting, Percy spun around and decked Apollo.
The god released his shoulder, stumbling back a bit more from the shock of being struck than any real force, though Percy certainly hadn’t been holding back as much as he probably should’ve. Apollo looked at Percy, hand cupping his cheek where, without some ambrosia or nectar, a bruise might form. His eyes were wide with shock, mouth slightly agape. Percy’s anger was dulled somewhat by guilt, which floated in only to be swallowed down just like the anger.
“I said not today, Apollo.” Percy choked out, knuckles throbbing from his sudden punch. “Just— not today.” He said, more brokenly than he intended. When Apollo didn’t respond, didn’t even move from where he stood, gaping at Percy, Percy turned and continued to his apartment. He still hadn’t figured out whether he wanted to scream or cry, and figured that his pillow would be a good solution for either.
It was a difficult thing, not slamming the door to his apartment as soon as he got inside. Even trying to close it normally made the noise echo in the room and the photos hung on the walls jump. Percy turned to look at them after twisting the lock on his door, heart hurting something fierce at the smiling faces of his best friends— some alive, some deceased.
It just wasn’t fair . They were kids, they all were. They were supposed to be worrying about what to wear to their school dances, not how to best survive an encounter with the minotaur. Percy could hardly remember the days when he slaved over english homework with words full of letters that swan and jumped all over the page instead of battle plans and war formations, trying to figure out which combinations meant the fewest deaths to his friends and family.
He ambled towards his couch, plopping down on one of the cushions. The couch creaked in protest to the sudden added weight, a complaint ignored in favor of rubbing his hands up and down his face before pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes to press back the tears welling up behind his lids.
This was exactly why he didn’t like to think about it, because it wasn’t their faults that Greek demigods had such short life expectancies— it was no fault of the Roman demigods that Percy had seen more of his friends die before their sweet sixteen than he had celebrated their 18th birthday. Percy knew that most of that blame fell onto the gods- shoulders, but even then he could only blame them to a certain extent because while there were gods like Zeus, who watched demigods die with the same eye as one watched ants crawl, there were also gods like Hermes, who still mourned the loss of their children who fought against them in the wars. There were gods like Hestia, who tended to the hearth regardless of who the hearth warmed. There were gods like Apollo, who visited their kids at every chance and actually cared about what their kids were up to.
As if summoned (and let’s be real, he probably was), there was a knock at the door. Percy looked up, hands slipping down to instead brush over his lips. His eyes stung like he had been crying, like he might still cry, but he sighed and stood from the couch. He figured that if who he thought was at the door was at the door, he at least owed them an apology.
Lo and behold, Apollo stood on the other side of the door with a concerned frown. “Percy,” he started softly. Too soft, and it just made Percy feel worse. “Can I come in?”
“What do you want ?” Percy asked tired and done with the day.
“I want to know what’s making you feel so…” The man gestured to Percy as a whole, causing the demigod to scoff.
“It’s nothing important.” he sniffed, looking away from the door, from Apollo and his brows drawn in, lips turned down. “Just my head getting to me, is that all?”
“Percy.” That tone was one the son of Posiedon had heard before. It was Apollo’s concerned father voice. “I’m the god of truth and medicine. You can’t lie to me, especially not about your health.” Percy glanced at Apollo just long enough to see his unimpressed stare before he looked away again. “Look, if you don’t want to talk to me, then you could at least talk to somebody . Annabeth maybe?”
“She’s busy.” Percy responded without ever asking the daughter of Athena. He didn’t know for certain, but every time he’d called or text her recently, he’d gotten a response of that variety.
“Will? Nico?” Percy didn’t respond. “Percy…”
“Why do you care?” Percy snapped, looking at the man. His eyes were just as bright as always, though his concern almost seemed to shadow them. “We haven’t even really spoken since you were human, so why care about me now?”
“Because I thought we were friends .” Apollo shot back, startling Percy this time. “At least, back then. I thought that you cared about me as Lester, and friends care about each other, so it’s my turn.” The knot of emotions welled up in Percy’s throat again, choking him, making it hard to breathe. “So tell me what’s wrong. I wanted to ask you back at the cafe but I didn’t know how.” Percy’s eyes burned again and he sniffled, one hand coming up to wipe at his eyes quickly.
“It’s really nothing.” Percy managed past the tightness in his throat. “It’s just— sometimes I can’t help but ask why—” Percy’s voice cracked and fell away. He looked down the hall past Apollo and took a deep, leveling breath. “Why don’t you come in?”
Percy stepped aside, freeing the entryway for Apollo to come into the apartment; an offer which the god took with a small muttered thanks. Percy shut the door, heaving the springs in his old couch squeak as Apollo sat down. Percy joined him on the couch with shaking hands and steady breaths. “I… I don’t even really know where to start.” Percy laughed.
“The beginning, probably.” Apollo couldn’t help but crack, Percy huffed something that might be a laugh in response. “What about what you were going to say earlier; ‘Why…?’”
Percy’s heart ached, it twisted and burned and somewhere deep, deep down, he pushed back the instinct to blame the Romans. It wasn’t their fault. “Why can’t— Why can’t we live that long.” Percy whispered finally, going on to elaborate when Apollo made a confused noise. “When I came to Camp Jupiter, there were adult demigods just— just walking around, like they’re supposed to live into their 60s and 70s.” Apollo made a noise of understanding, but Percy had opened the gates, and now all of his thoughts were spilling out. “There were families , they’s grown up, been out and about enough to meet someone, to settle down. There were second and third generation demigods running around— great-grandkids of gods, when my friends and family were hunted down and slaughtered by monsters the second they turn 12.
“It’s not— it’s not fair . Why couldn’t we have that?” Percy buried his fingers in his hair, dug his nails into his scalp as his eyes welled with tears. “Why do they get long, happy lives when we were forced to fight two wars before legal adulthood?”
“I don’t know, Percy.” Apollo whispered mournfully. “But you’re right, it’s not fair that you had to go through so much so young.”
“I don’t care about me .” Percy choked, sucking in a stuttering breath to try and hold back his sobs. “I wasn’t talking about me, I was talking about my friends who were killed.” A hand, big and warm and belonging to the god beside him rested on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “If Luke were born of Mercury, would they have paid more attention to him? Would he have never accepted Kronos’ offer of a new world without the gods? If Selina and Charlie were born Roman, would they have a family?” Probably not, they were all still pretty young for that but Percy wouldn’t put it past the child of Aphrodite to have tried anyways. His lip wobbled. “Hell, even A child of the Big Three was treated differently just because of their parent. It was the same fucking god!” Percy still couldn’t believe that. “Zeus has a Greek daughter against a sacred oath and the world nearly comes to an end; they kill her. But when a Roman son is born under those same conditions, he’s— what? Handed over to his dad’s wife as compensation for breaking an oath?” Percy’s blood raged, and he prayed— prayed that he wasn’t doing any damage somewhere. He couldn’t feel if he was, but that tended to happen when he was this mad. “It’s— It’s—”
“Not fair.” Apollo finished for the demigod, whose entire body sank at the god’s simple agreement. Just two words, but they meant everything to Percy just then. Percy looked at the god, who was looking distinctly more godly than Percy had last seen him. “It’s not fair, you’re right, and I would do anything to go back and change it, but fate doesn’t work that way.” Percy’s eyes burned with fresh new tears. “I can’t give you that comfort, but I can tell you this.” Apollo met Percy’s gaze, Percy looked him deep in the eyes and wondered how many people had ever seen the god’s eyes this up close before. WIth their blue depths darkened by anger and sadness and the gold of his godliness leaking in, Percy thought they looked a bit like the waters of the mediterranean at sunset, when the water is calm and dusted gold on the waves. Percy found them comforting. “The separation of Greek and Roman was for their own good, in the beginning.” Apollo spoke, and Percy paid attention to his words, even if he knew this particular story already. “There would have been too much infighting if they were combined— a constant battle of ‘who’s stronger?’ and ‘who’s smarter?’ or ‘who’s better?’ when really, they were very similar.” Apollo smiled almost fondly. “The Greeks and the Romans shared a lot in common, especially their pride and hubris.” Percy snorted. “But this separation was mostly superficial— both groups were prideful, wanted to believe one was greater than the other when they really weren’t all that different. At least, not in how they behaved. Eventually, it was more of an ancestral feud and the animosity started as soon as the demigods could think.
“Greeks versus Romans, Romans versus Greeks, it was the way it was, even if it didn’t have to be. The only way they could’ve united was a common enemy, greater than themselves.” Apollo spoke it like a prophecy long passed. Percy nodded.
“Gaea.” The demigod of the sea could still hear Hera(Juno) telling him to unite them.
“Gaea.” Apollo echoed with a nod. “The primordial goddess was too big of a threat for either the Greeks or the Romans to defeat alone, but to unite them, there would need to be something on the line, someone each of the other cared for.” Himself and Jason, Percy knew. “You know the rest of this story better than I ever could, so I’ll end it there, but I still haven’t made my point.” Percy blinked, having been distracted enough that he’d almost forgotten the god had a point to make in the first place. “My point is that nothing can be done anymore to change that unfairness because everything has been done already.” Percy made a face. “Percy, you uniting the Greeks and the Romans made them into One. There is no more separation, there’s no more war, there’s no monsters stupid enough or strong enough to kill the demigods of today and it was you who made it that way.”
“What?” Percy asked. “How is that— I’m just—”
“You’re Perseus Jackson.” Apollo interrupted. “Son of Poseidon, slayer of too many great monsters to name, hero of olympus and Praetor of Camp Jupiter.”
“Former Praetor.” Percy corrected.
“ Former Praetor.” Apollo smiled. “My point is that while yes, you have every right to be sad, to be angry about the injustice, you can also look back and be happy that it will never happen again.” Percy took a deep breath, let it out slowly. “And that’s because of you , Percy. You’re the one who made it that way.”
Percy mulled over the god’s words for a moment after the god stopped speaking before he sighed. “I just— I wish they’d never had to go through it in the first place.” Percy leaned back until his back hit the back of the couch, then he sunk into it, head turned to the ceiling. “We were kids.”
“You were.” Apollo agreed. “But now you’re Percy Jackson, demigod of the sea, slayer of monsters and gods, hero of olympus, former —” Percy rolled his eyes at the emphasis the god placed on the word, but looked over at the blonde with a smile regardless. “— praetor of Camp Jupiter, denier of immortality and most importantly to those who know you.” Apollo smiled back, features so incredibly soft and open and Percy could understand why Will had so many siblings, now. “You’re caring . So caring that you have days like these when you get caught up in the people you lost, the people who died that didn’t need to.” Percy’s heart hurt again, but it was less. It was faint with Apollo’s hand on his shoulder and his smile directed at him. “You’re loyal, and you’re loving, and you deserve the world.” Percy huffed a short laugh at that ending bit, because if anyone deserved the world, it was those who were lost.
Percy Jackson didn’t deserve the world— he didn’t need it, but that didn’t stop him from quipping back at the god, feeling more like himself when he smiled and asked. “And who’s going to just give me the world.” Percy laughed. “I had to fight for my life for just another day, who’s just going to lay the world at my feet?”
Apollo grinned back, but even as he joked with Percy, Percy knew there was a part of him that was serious when he said. “I would, if you let me.”
Yeah. Percy knew why Will had so many siblings very, very well.