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“It’s non-negotiable Remus, you’re coming.”
“Marryyyyyy”
“I don’t want to hear it, Lupin! You promised!”
“But-”
“You’re coming, whether you like it or not. Even if I have to knock you over the head with a vase and drag you there myself, you’re coming.”
Remus gave Mary his best stink eye. She was towering over him, arms placed firmly on her hips as she glared down at Remus’ cozy set up on their couch.
“Lily wouldn’t make me go, Lily loves me,” he pouted as he referred to their third roommate.
“Lily also knows how much you need this,” Mary quickly replied. Remus rolled his eyes.
“Lily knows there is nothing I prefer more than staying home with a nice cup of tea and a good book.”
“Lily knows you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone.”
“Lily knows I have no comfort zone. Lily knows that everything makes me uncomfortable.”
“Lily-”
“Lily thinks you two should shut up!” Lily yelled as she entered their living room. She had clearly just woken up, her long red hair was pushed to the side and her mismatched pajamas twisted around her middle. She rubbed her eyes and yawned, before glaring at the pair. Lily stepped towards them and quickly flicked both Mary and Remus on the ear.
“Rem, I love you, but you’re coming tonight. It’s New Year's Eve, I’m not letting you spend it alone.”
“I’ll still be alone, even if I come…” Remus grumbled under his breath, but Lily charged right through.
“AND,” she said loudly, “it’s our last gig before Dorcas and Marlene move. You don’t really want to miss that, do you?”
Remus sighed and closed his eyes, letting his head flop back on the couch.
“Surely, Remus Lupin, as the godfather of their unborn child, you wouldn’t avoid seeing your best friends, on their last day in town before they move away indefinitely, just because you're a little nervous about going to a bar on New Year's Eve? Surely you’re a better friend than that?” Lily asked pointedly.
“Fine, I’ll go,” Remus groaned, “but what do you think is going to happen during your set? I’m going to be all alone at that table. I’m either going to look like a weirdo, or I am going to get hit on by every creep in the vicinity. What about that is appealing?”
“Well,” Mary hummed, “we could always bring you up on stage. You’d make a very nice tambourine player.”
“I would rather die. I would rather die, go to hell, and have bees stuffed up my urethra before ever joining you on stage.”
Mary wrinkled her nose and Lily shuddered.
“Don’t be like that Rem,” Mary cooed, as she flopped down next to Remus, “you’d make a wicked tambourine player. You’d give Stevie Nicks a run for her money.”
“Ooo, we could dress you up like her too,” Lily joined in, “you’d look sexy as hell with her eyeliner.” Lily traced a finger on Remus eyelid, paving a way for the imaginary eyeliner. Remus swatted her away with a laugh.
“Ok, you’ve got me. Sitting at a bar alone doesn’t sound so bad in comparison to that, ” he jokily shuddered.
“I don’t know Rem, I’m rather attached to the idea now. Any chance you know the lyrics to Gold Dust Woman ? Maybe we could play it tonight…” Mary trailed off.
“You’d sure be doing us a favour. Bet you’d give Black,” Lily spat out the surname, “a run for his money with your sheer Stevie sex appeal.”
“Ugh,” Mary gagged, “don’t make me think about him this early in the morning.”
“I’m sorry dear, I really should give a warning before I mention him,” Lily said soothingly.
Remus looked between the two with confusion.
“Am I supposed to know who this Black is?”
“Only one third of the most annoying band on the planet,” Mary growled.
“ Midnight Critters ,” Lily added, her voice tense and low.
Ah, of course. Remus should have known. It was always Midnight Critters with Mary and Lily.
Mary, Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas, had formed a band in their first year of uni, and often participated in battle of the bands and charity concerts. Their band, Witches’ Brew, had amassed quite the following over the last six years, to the point that they were big enough to participate in this year's New Year’s Eve variety show at the Hogshead.
While the girls had a great local following, they never really played full length solo gigs, always opting to partake in shows with multiple artists. Thus, they had bumped into Midnight Critters many times over the years, playing at least one show with them every year. Midnight Critters was infamous in the Evans/Macdonald/Lupin household. Remus couldn’t count the amount of times he’s heard the girls berate their competition, but he knows for sure that they are immature, reckless, inappropriate, and egotistical. As a group of apparently young, fit lads, they seem to know exactly who their audience is and how to cater to them. Lily and Mary were very thankful that teenage girls couldn’t get into the bars, or else there would be full, Beatles-level mania awaiting them each time Midnight Critters played.
As much as Lily, Mary, Dorcas, and Marlene complained, Remus had never once heard of a Black. Typically, Midnight Critter was a unanimous force, an entity with no individual players. They were the Big Bad. But, on the not so rare occasion, Remus would listen to Lily bemoan and curse their guitarist, James Potter's, name.
It was always “James Potter thinks he’s such hot shit,” and “James Potter wouldn’t know a good lyric if it hit him in the face,” or “James Potter can’t just prank people during a set, it’s rude and immature and lacks professionalism.” Though, more recently, it had turned into “James Potter flirts with anything that walks, it’s indecent” and “James Potter flirted with me again, when will he get the hint?” and “James Potter didn’t even ask me out this time. Can you believe him? He thinks he’s too good for me? He’s such a conceited arsehole.”
Yes, there was lots and lots of Potter talk. But never a Black. Remus was intrigued.
“What’s so bad about Black?”
“He’s just so…” Mary flapped her hands around, searching for a word, but came up empty.
“And he’s just…” Lily tried, but also failed, “he’s no James Potter, that’s for sure,” she landed on.
“No,” Mary agreed, “he’s worse.”
----
The Hogshead was a huge venue, the largest Witches’ Brew had ever played. He was excited for his friends, it was cathartic to know that their very final gig would be their largest.
The place was set up in dark blue lighting, it looked aquatic and new wave, very unlike its usual, hole in the wall appearance. The New Year's show was a big one, with most people in their medium-sized town choosing to celebrate at the bar instead of a club. Remus had only been once, when he was 20, and it was the worst experience of his life. The place had been packed with people from his uni, and Remus couldn't go anywhere without bumping into a friend, or a friend of a friend of a friend. All he wanted to do was hide away in a corner with the girls, but it was impossible to do with all his peers coming to socialize.
That night was also the first falling piece in the rube goldberg machine that led to him discovering his asexuality. As a teenager, Remus got crushes hard, always imagining himself in romantic scenarios with people he never knew, and would never know. But that night, his first night out after finally escaping puberty’s grasp, was the first night he had gotten attention from people. All the sexual comments and pick up lines directed towards him made Remus deeply, irritably uncomfortable. He hated it. Every line, every flirt, made him want to scratch his skin off, made him want to pop his tight lungs like a balloon, made him want to iron his heart flat and pin it to his chest so it would stop its anxious beating. Remus always thought he would want to be viewed in a sexual way, as a sexual object, but at such a big, popular event where the night was supposed to end in a kiss (and maybe more), Remus discovered that maybe, sex, and being viewed as sexual, wasn’t something he desired.
It had been very difficult coming to terms with his asexuality, but he may have never known he was asexual if it wasn’t for that stressful, painful New Year’s Eve.
Now, at 24, Remus had a better relationship with his asexuality. He was confident in himself, and what he wanted. He even had a few romantic relationships, but those never lasted long. That is to say, while Remus wasn’t the scared 20 year old he once was, he still wasn’t looking forward to a night of drunken passes and expectant kisses.
But Remus was a man of his word, and he made it to the show, dressed in his most mediocre and uninviting outfit (a pair of baggy jeans and a beige cable nit jumper with holes forming throughout it), with Mary and Lily by his side.
“Remus!” He heard his name shrieked over the forming crowd as soon as he entered the pub.
Two arms wrapped around him, and he suddenly found his face tucked into a mop of platinum blonde curls.
“Hey Marls,” he smiled. They broke from the hug and he looked down at her swelling belly. She was at 7 months now, and Remus couldn’t believe how quickly she was growing. “Ready for the show?”
“Fuck yeah!” She exclaimed in her Irish lilt, “this is going to be the most punk rock show a pregnant lady has ever performed! It’s going to go down in rock and roll history! The crowd won’t even know what hit ‘em!”
“Pretty sure it’ll be the only punk rock show a pregnant lady has ever performed,” Remus crinkled his eyes as he laughed.
“Even better!” She shouted in return, “No one will forget the name Witches’ Brew ever again!”
“Hear, hear!” Dorcas cheered as she came up behind Marlene, and hugged Remus, Mary, and Lily. “Come on, we’ve gotten us a table.”
Dorcas paved a way for them through the narrowing crowd, and they arrived at a small, circular, standing table.
“I’ve just spoken to the stage manager,” Dorcas started, in her usual no-nonsense tone, “we’re going on third. Which I know is not ideal, but it’s better than nothing. At least we can all celebrate together at midnight.”
“Cut to the chase, Cas,” Lily interrupted, “When’s Potter on?” Dorcas grimaced.
“They’re the closing act.”
Lily grit her teeth and started wringing her napkin.
“Those fucking aresholes. How’d they manage that?”
“Apparently Black’s brother is the organizer of the event this year-”
“Fucking Black,” Lily spat, “of course that nepo-baby gets to be the closer. Fucking dickhead.”
“You can’t blame him for using his connections,” Dorcas said evenly.
“I can damn well try,” Lily sniffed. There was a beat of tense silence, before Dorcas continued.
“The opening act is The Flying Hippogriffs, which is followed by Gilderoy and the Lockharts-”
“Ugh, he’s worse than Black,” Mary muttered under her breath.
“-Then it’s us. There’s three more acts after us, then the Midnight Critters go on, and then it’s midnight. All in all, not a horrible line up. We could even skip their set.”
“Bet they’d like that,” Lily growled, her napkin turning to shreds in her hands. She shook herself and said a little louder, “no, it’s poor sportsmanship to leave for their set. They may be rude imbeciles, but we aren’t. We’ll stay for the whole thing.”
“Fine by me,” Dorcas nodded. Mary mumbled her assent.
“I can’t wait to see Black’s fit arse! Hope he moons the crowd again,” Marlene smiled wildly, her eyes glazing over, “oh if only you had seen it, Remus. His arse would have you reconsidering your asexuality. Had me reconsidering my lesbianism.”
“Wow, big compliment coming from you, Marls,” Remus replied jovially.
“Well then, aren’t we lucky my arse is better?” Dorcas interected, “would have been a devastation to humankind, if you’d have given up your lesbianism. Would have been devastating to me, that's for sure.”
“Oh, darling,” Marlene cooed, before they fell into their typical gross, coupley routine.
Lily rolled her eyes, and set to looking around the bar.
“Pretty big turn out,” she said quietly.
Remus eyed her.
“Are you nervous?” He asked hesitantly. There was nothing Lily hated more than being accused of feeling fear.
“No,” Lily scoffed, “I just- Oi!” She suddenly cut herself off, her eyes pinned to a figure in the distance, “Potter! I have a bone to pick with you!” She instantly left the table, strutting off into the distance, not sparing Remus or the rest of their friends a second glance.
Remus and Mary eyed each other.
“Mary,” he started slowly, “do you think-”
“100%” Mary stated. Remus raised his eyebrows.
“I’m telling you now, Remus, those two are going to have a million babies together, just you wait.”
Remus laughed a big, open mouthed laugh.
“Oh, I have no doubts about that.”
----
“Hello everyone!” Marlene yelled into the mic, “we’re Witches’ Brew , and we are so happy to be rocking out with you this New Year's Eve!”
Remus whooped as the pub broke into cheers.
“It’s an honour to be here tonight, celebrating with all you lovely people,” she paused, taking in the buzzing crowd, “it's a bittersweet night for us. You see, tonight is Witches’ Brew’s last show.”
Remus booed along with the rest of the crowd.
“I know, I know, I’m sad too,” Marlene, chuckled, “But we’re going out in style, wouldn’t you say?” The crowd cheered in response.
“Anyway, before we begin let me introduce our band, for the very final time,” her smile was watery, but real nonetheless, “I’m Marlene Meadows-McKinnon, and I’ll be singing for you tonight. On guitar we’ve got the wonderfully wicked Mary MacDonald,” Mary shred a few notes as she was called out, “on drums, we have the ever so lovely Lily Evans,” a distinctly male voice screeched I LOVE YOU LILY as Lily pounded away, “and here on bass, we’ve got the bodacious babe, Dorcas Meadows-McKinnon!” Dorcas spun and took a grand bow. “Once again, we’re Witches’ Brew , and we’ve got a hell of a show for you!”
Lily counted them in, and then they were playing. Remus was quickly sucked in. It had been a while since he’d attended a Witches’ Brew show. He figured he’d accrued enough brownie points in their undergrad when he attended every single show and practice, that he didn’t have to go to every gig anymore. He forgot how glorious the girls were when they played. They were passionate, intense, and beautiful. Each note felt important. They looked like they would rather stop breathing than stop playing. It was phenomenal.
Remus was so immersed in their performance, he forgot to be anxious about being alone. He forgot to keep an eye out for any unwelcome visitors. He didn’t even notice someone had sidled up next to him, until they cleared their throat. Remus, still watching his friends, slowly removed his gaze to side eye the man. Remus’ eye froze momentarily, glued to the handsome stranger.
He had long, thick black hair that curled just under his shoulders. His face was strong and chiseled, but was juxtaposed with a set of delicate lips, eyes, and cheeks. His startling bright blue eyes were lined with kohl, and he seemed to have glitter sprayed all over his body.
Every part of him seemed pierced. Remus quickly counted six piercings per ear, an eyebrow and nose piercing, and while Remus tried not to observe this, two nipple and a belly button piercing, which Remus could see through the sheer black crop top the man wore.
The man, noticing Remus’ gaze, licked his lips, a ball of silver flashing as he did so. The man looked like a rockstar, like the coolest, hottest person Remus had ever seen. Remus immediately imagined them going on tour together, enjoying the close proximity of the tour bus, rubbing their love in the faces of Mystery Man’s fans. He imagined Mystery Man professing his love for Remus at the end of every show, boldly, defiantly, and most important, romantically.
Unfortunately, Mystery Man also looked like a sex god ready to bless any willing participants alter, which meant Remus was immediately canceling him out as any kind of partner.
“Hello,” the man said smoothly, cocking an eyebrow. His voice was rich and lovely, and instantly pulled Remus in. Remus allowed himself another second to take in his beautiful face, then slowly slid his gaze back to the stage. No use engaging in hot, beautiful, clearly interested man, if nothing good could come from it.
“Aren’t you going to say hello back?” the man said undeterred, leaning forward a little.
“Wasn’t planning on it, no,” Remus replied clipply, focusing on Marlene who was now in the midst of a dance break.
“Such poor manners. I thought someone who’s friends with that lot,” Remus could see the man nodding towards the band in his periphery, “would be a lot less rude.”
Remus scowled and turned back to the devilishly handsome man.
“If you’d excuse me, I’m trying to watch my friends perform their very final show,” the words were polite, but his tone was biting. The adonis only smirked back at him.
“Is that your only plan then? To watch your friends and ignore every handsome stranger who approaches you?”
“It’s been working well for me so far. So if you’d let me get back to it…”
“No can do,” the god of a man shook his head sympathetically, “you see, I refuse to let handsome men like yourself have no fun on New Year's Eve. It would be an injustice to the world to let you spend it alone.”
Remus sighed and didn’t respond. The man was silent for a few minutes, no doubt calculating his next move.
He leaned forward to intrude in Remus’ line of sight. He looked at Remus with narrowed eyes.
“You do know what happens on New Year's Eve, right?”
“Yes. People get drunk and celebrate it being last day of the year.”
“No. Not quite. I was thinking more along the lines of what happens at midnight, you get what I mean?” The man asked slyly.
“Yes,” Remus nodded efficiently, “you mean when we stop celebrating the end of the year, and begin celebrating the start of the new year.”
The man sighed dramatically, and threw his hands in the air.
“No-”
“Oh, you’re talking about making resolutions then?” Remus asked, smiling to himself as the man got more frustrated with Remus’ clear obtuseness .
“Yes!” The man jumped on that, “sure, yes, resolutions,” he nodded to himself, eyes brightening. “I actually made a resolution last New Years Eve, one that I think you could help me out with.”
“Oh?” Remus raised an eyebrow at the man.
‘I made a resolution to myself, you see. I promised myself that I would kiss someone this New Year's Eve,” the man smiled wickedly, no doubt proud of himself for getting things back on track.
Remus hummed sympathetically.
“Ah, yes, I actually made a similar resolution, in a way,” the man perked up at his. Remus cleared his throat, and looked at the man pointedly, “I made a resolution to tell more people I’m asexual.”
“Oh.”
The man instantly deflated. His eyes couldn’t stay still, flickering back and forth, seemingly focusing on nothing. He tilted his chin down and bit his lip, ringed fingers tapping insistently on the table top.
Well , Remus thought smugly, that was easy. Remus patted himself on the back for successfully avoiding the living, breathing, vision of sex. He’d probably dream of the man for years to come, but it’s for the best that they never even try to get involved. Remus would not be stuck with another arsehole who says they're okay with his asexuality, only to break up with him 3 months later because he isn’t enough.
The men stood in silence, and Remus returned to watching his friends. He felt no ill will towards the beautiful boy, Remus knew most people interested were turned off by his asexuality.
“Are you aroace, then?”
“What?” Remus snapped his head to look at the man, who was looking back at Remus with determination.
“Are you aro too? Or just ace?”
Remus gaped at him, mouth opening and closing like a fish. No one had ever asked him that before. No one knew the lingo. No one cared.
“Er, just ace. Very much ro,” Remus blushed and cursed himself inwardly. His throat felt dry, and he suddenly couldn’t focus on anything other than the man beside him. Remus coughed and tried again. “I mean, yes, I am romantic, or, er, I experience romantic attraction. Just no sex. Well, not no sex, but not a lot of it. I don’t really feel anything strong about sex, so I just don’t have it. So technically we could have sex but we probably wouldn’t most of the ti-” Remus eyes bulged out of his head as he replayed the last sentence, “not we! I didn’t mean we, haha, I don’t even know you! I’m just saying if we- I mean I- were to be in a relationship, sex is not off the table entirely, but it might be more of a once a year thing? Oh my god why am I still talking please shut me up.”
The man beamed at Remus, and he swayed on the balls of his feet. He looked entirely too cocky for Remus’ liking.
“Why would I ever do that? I’m gaining some useful information here,” he said with a suggestive raise of his brows.
“No, no you’re not. Nothing here is useful. Even if it was, it wouldn’t be useful to you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” the man seemed offended for the first time in their conversation.
“Well, you’re so…you, and I’m so… me,” Remus replied, waving his hands to acknowledge their differing aesthetics.
“And?”
“And,” Remus sighed, “it would never work!”
“You don’t even know me, you can’t decide what would and would not work based on a brief interaction!” The man replied defiantly.
“Well, same goes here, you don’t know me either!”
“Not true! I know plenty about you. I know your sexual preferences, don’t I?” the man said, an evil grin creeping into his features.
“That’s not- I said that involuntarily- you can’t-”
“Annnnd,” the man interrupted, pausing for dramatic effect while looking at Remus wildly, “I know I can also agree to those preferences.”
Remus scoffed.
“No, you really can’t.”
“Won’t know until we try, so why not try with me?” The man grabbed Remus’ hand and placed it over his heart. He looked up at Remus with wide, puppy dog eyes.
Remus was stupidly charmed by the gesture. He really shouldn’t have been, but a man as attractive as this one trying so hard to date Remus really had him chuffed.
“If you were certain-”
“I am!” The man instantly replied, his grip tightening around Remus. Remus pulled back slightly and stared at the man with scrutiny.
“If you were certain, I could maybe be convinced to a date. No New Year's Kiss though.”
The man nodded vehemently.
“Great. Lovely. A date it is. I’ll take anything I can get.”
“You haven’t actually convinced me yet, it’s going to take a bit more than that.”
“Of course,” the man agreed graciously. He opened his mouth to say more, when a firm hand clasped his shoulders.
“Pads, it’s time to go,” the intruder said anxiously, peering at the stage through his large glasses.
“Sod off, Prongs.”
“I’m serious- no, don’t you dare- we should really leave unless-”
“Remus!” Lily barked as she approached the table, the set having finished at some point during his chat with Mystery Man. Her face was flushed and she looked at the three men with fury. “Stop fraternizing with the enemy!”
“... the enemy?” he watched the two men curiously.
“I told you,” Glasses whined. Pads shrugged him off.
“As I was saying, Remus,” the man leered at him.
“Oh no you don’t! Potter! Rein in your dog.”
“Yes, Lily, of course. Anything for you. I’m so sorry about him. C’mon Pads, let's go.”
“Potter?” Remus said with wide eyes and mischievous smile, “You’re James Potter?”
Glasses looked at Remus with uncertainty. “Yes?”
Remus started cackling, laughing hard until tears formed in his eyes. Tall, Dark, and Handsome James Potter was exactly Lily’s type.
Over the years, Lily had of course talked about what she finds attractive in a guy, and James potter had every single attribute. Glasses: check, striking eyes: check, curly hair: check, muscles that are clearly defined but not in a gym rat way: check. Sensitive but not insecure demanour: check, pretty fucking tall: check, check, check!
“Oh, Lily,” Remus said condescendingly. Lily only scowled in response. The rest of Witches’ Brew , who had finally detangled themselves from the stage, looked very smug from where they stood behind her.
“Not a word, Lupin,” she looked at him sharply.
James looked between them with a naive confusion, trying to figure out what he was missing.
“Er… what’s going on?” He asked, running a hand through his hair.
“Oh, nothing,” Remus giggled, “you’re just not what I was expecting, is all.”
He heard Lily sigh a dear lord, as James’ attitude completely changed. He held himself taller, his lids lowered. He smirked at lily.
“Been talking about me, Evans?” He asked cockily.
“In your dreams, Potter,” she sneered.
“Yes indeed,” he agreed with a bright smile. “Shall we discuss my dreams a bit more? Perhaps over a cup of coffee this Friday? What do you say?”
Lily stared at him blankly, then pointed to what must be their table.
“Leave. Now,” She grit out.
“Oh, come on Evans,” Remus’ long haired beauty stuck up for James, “if Remus Lupin,” he was clearly enjoying knowing Remus’ full name, “can agree to a date with me, surely you can agree to a date with Ol’ Jamie here! What do you say, we can even make it a double!”
“Remus!” Both Lily and Mary gasped.
“You didn’t, tell me you didn’t!” Mary continued dramatically.
“Well, I technically haven’t agreed to anything yet-”
“Good, and it will stay that way,” Lily decided, “Now, Black, Potter, leave before I kick your sorry arses out of this bar.”
Remus bolted up at the mention of Black. He looked at his companion, who was staring back at him arrogantly.
Black tugged Remus’ hand up to his lips (how did Remus not realize they were still holding hands??). He was about to lower his lips to meet Remus’ knuckles when he paused and looked at Remus.
“May I kiss your hand?” He asked kindly, earnestly.
Remus made some strange choking noise before squeaking out a yes.
Black beamed at him before placing a slow, way too sultry kiss on his knuckles.
“TIll we meet again, my beloved,” Black winked, “Farewell Evans, MacDonald. Always a pleasure.” He grabbed James and sauntered off, immediately disappearing into the crowd.
Remus was at a loss for words. What the hell just happened?
----
“Fucking arsehole,” Lily exclaimed, dumping the round of beers on the table in a resounding clatter. Her shirt and the ends of her hair were soaked, and the liquid was slowly paving a way onto her leather pants.
“What happened?” Marlene giggled, absolutely enjoying the sight of a beer stained Lily.
“Potter happened,” Lily groaned in response, “have you not noticed him and Black circling our table like a pair of horny vultures?”
“Well,” Mary patted Lily’s shoulder soothingly, “can you blame them? You and Lupin make rather sexy carcasses.”
“Ew, Mary, what does that even mean?” Remus wrinkled his nose.
“You know, vultures… they eat carcasses, don’t they?”
“Never call me a carcass again,” Lily shivered.
“It was supposed to be a compliment! I stand by it!”
Remus’ attention slipped away from the conversation, not for the first time that night. Remus hadn’t found Black in the crowd since his departure, but he also refused to move his body more than a few inches. He couldn’t make Black think he was interested, Remus refused to give him the upper hand.
Sure, he had surprised Remus with his persistence and apparent knowledge on asexuality, but Remus knew better. These pretty boys were all the same, and in the end, they all wanted the same thing from him.
Still, if Remus imagined Black dedicating their set to him, or pictured Black parting through the crowd on a white horse, donning a costume eerily similar to Wesley’s in A Princess Bride… well there was no harm in that, was there?
While Remus had refused to move as he thought it would prove a sign of desperation, he could deny that fact no longer: he needed a piss , and bad. A night of drinking had not been kind to his bladder.
“I’m just saying,” Mary was still going, “James would love to pick you apart, even if you were all decaying and meaty!”
“Off to take a leak!” Remus quickly interrupted. He chugged the half empty beer Lily had bought and slammed it on the table, “back in a jiff!”
Remus weaved his way through the thickening crowd. The place became more packed as they creeped closer to midnight, and it was impossible to move without touching 2 people at all times. Remus was halted and squeezed many times- the feeling of the crowd was suffocating, but he persevered, the white crack of light coming from the toilets acting as his north star.
The bathroom was blissfully empty as he made his way inside. He slumped against the wall next to the door, inhaling some deep breaths as he tried to shake the horrible, dehumanizing feeling that lingered on his skin. In a matter of seconds, he recollected himself, standing tall and shaking himself. He took a step when the door flew open and a vision in black swept through the bathroom, right past Remus.
Black all but ran to the centre of the loo, his head swung around as he took in the empty urinals and cubicles. Black put one hand on his hip, and the other went to scratch the top of his head. He was breathing heavily, and his head kept moving, as if looking for any sign of movement.
“Looking for someone?” Remus called from his place beside the door.
Black immediately spun, and halted when he saw Remus. A giant, breathtaking, earnest grin overcame his features, and Remus felt a bit like Black was stealing the breath right out of him, like he’d stuck a hoover into Remus’ mouth and just sucked, sucked, sucked.
They stared at each other for a few seconds, both wearing wide smiles and breathing shaky breaths.
Black’s shaken demeanour instantly melted into something cooler. It was like he flicked a switch and turned into a whole new person. His smile turned more flirty, his posture loosened.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Remus Lupin, fancy seeing you here.”
“In the men’s loo?” Remus raised an eyebrow.
“Well- I suppose anywhere actually. I always fancy seeing you.”
“Laying it on a bit thick, aren’t we?”
“I was told I needed to convince you to go on a date with me. Consider this my first try.”
“I will log that in the records. “First name Black’s first attempt at courting: follows me into the loo then lies directly to my face,” Remus said dreamily, with a flourish of his hands. He made his way over to the sinks, and Black pivoted to keep eyes on him.
“When did I lie to you!” Black stomped his foot, “and I have a name!”
“You say you always fancy seeing me- which is impossible. You’ve only seen me once.”
“Yes, but I really fancied seeing you that one time. And-oh! Would you look at that? Now that I’m seeing you again, I still fancy seeing you!” Black leered at Remus.
“Fair enough. Can’t argue with that, I suppose.”
“I don’t see why you must argue at all,” Black sniffed.
“Bit fun, isn’t it?” Remus grinned.
“Can’t argue with that,” Black repeated, matching Remus’ expression. They stayed like that, once again just staring and smiling at each other.
“Oi!” Black suddenly jumped to action and playfully slapped Remus on the arm, “you didn’t ask me for my name!”
“I know.”
“I gave you a good in, too. Shall I repeat it for you?”
“No-”
“I said: I have a name!” Black looked at Remus expectantly. “This is where you go,” Black cradled his fists next to his chin, pouted his lips, batted his eyes, and put on a very strange, very mangled southern accent, “ Oh Sirius, please tell me your name. You’re so handsome and kind, I would love to know your name, even if that’s the only thing you can ever give me.”
Black, resumed his very manly regular posture, and made a go on movement with his hand, prompting Remus to follow his script. Remus could only stare back in baffled amusement.
“This is where you go-”
“No.”
“-right. Ok, then I go,” Black pulled himself up even taller, if possible, and stuck his chest out, this time lowering his voice while returning to the god awful accent, “ Well, Remus Lupin, yar sure are the finest beauty I’ve ever darn seen. I would love to give you my name, and much, much more,” he paused to wink at Remus, “The name’s Sirius Black, but I reckon you’ll be calling me Sirius Lupin soon enough- that is, if you’re not already calling me tonight.”
Sirius looked very pleased with himself. He returned to his normal self and was panting heavily after his little performance. He bit his lip and stared at Remus once more. He looked like there was nothing more he enjoyed than staring at Remus, like it was his new favourite activity, and the best thing to ever be invented. He also looked entirely too cocksure for that little performance.
After many, many moments in stunned silence, Remus broke, a bark of a laugh tearing through him.
“Oh my god! You are such a nerd!” He wheezed, bending over slightly as the giggles wouldn’t stop.
The cocky grin and unearned confidence slipped away from Sirius like a scarf in the wind, but to Remus’ surprise, what was left underneath was not insecurity or anger, but pure unadulterated joy. Sirius' eyes were bright, the lines around them crinkling joyously. His grin was goofy, and his cheeks were painted a sweet, delicate pink. He looked at Remus in wonder. He was so puppy-like, Remus could almost see his tail wagging.
“Shh, shh Remus! You can’t tell anyone!” Sirius gasped through a laugh, meeting Remus in his benched over position, the two of them unable to catch a breath through their shared laughs. “I’ve got a bad boy persona to uphold!”
This threw Remus into another fit of giggles, and he grabbed on to Sirius’ arm to prevent himself from falling to the ground completely.
‘That was horrible. Horrible. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced anything like that in my entire life. What on earth made you think that was a good idea?”
“You underestimate me, Remus Lupin. You think that was a one off thing? Yar harve nor idear what yar dealin with.”
“Oh lord, save me now!” Remys cried jokingly.
“They can’t help you now. You’re stuck with me and my bad impressions.”
“A fate worse than death,” Remus shook his head, a stupid grin etched into his features.
They were starting to calm down now, the giggles bubbling away. When they finally calmed, Sirius clumsily shimmied his arm up so his hand could replace the bicep Remus was latched on to. After some readjusting, he beamed up at Remus as he finally captured his prize.
Remus felt so stupid and so schoolboy like, his heart beating erratically over someone just holding his hand. But then Sirius started tracing his thumb back and forth and Remus was done for. There were fireworks going off in his chest. Literal, physical, earth shattering fireworks sparking in every crevice of his body.
“If you didn’t know my name, is it safe to assume Evans hasn’t been shit talking me for the last few years?” Sirius asked hopefully.
“Nope. Though I wonder if you're the Potter’s sidekick she’s always going on about.”
Sirius gasped, and clutched a hand over his heart.
“Me? James’ sidekick? Never! More like, he’s mine! Wait- no- I am perfectly innocent and have never done anything wrong in my entire life. Pete’s the real trouble maker of the operation.”
“Yes,” Remus agreed, “a man named Pete certainly sounds like the kind of guy who would be the instigator of all things hijinks and mayhem related.”
“If only you knew, Remus Lupin. If only you knew.”
“Actually, I didn’t know who you were before today,” Remus said, going back to the original question. Sirius gasped for real this time.
“Now who’s the liar!” He pointed an accusing finger at Remus. Remus went to throw his palms in the air defensively, when he was reminded of their connected palms. He shyly interlocked their fingers again and settled their hands back to where they were.
“I swear it, I have never heard of you or seen you before.”
“Remus,” Sirius looked at Remus with disbelief, “you’ve been to at least like, 10 of my shows.”
“What?” Remus laughed. Surely he would remember that.
“I can probably recount every concert I’ve seen you at. Granted, you’re often only paying attention to your friends, but still. I’ve been pining after you since I was 21.”
“Oh,” Remus said weakly, “I supposed I never noticed.”
“Well, you’ve noticed now, haven’t you?” Sirius swung their arms.
Remus bit his lip, and looked to the floor.
“Right, Remus Lupin? You’ve noticed me?”
“I’ve noticed you,” he confirmed quietly.
“Great! Than how about that date-”
Remus shook his head quickly.
“I still don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Wh-”
“I just don’t think it is, Sirius. I’m sorry.”
Remus felt cold, and unwanted. He knew Sirius was being kind, and understanding. But it would never be enough, Remus could never be enough. He didn’t even know Sirius and he was already getting swept away, already getting invested. If Remus were a worse man, he would take everything Sirius had to offer. He would take, take, take, and he would never give, because he can’t give . He would love Sirius and Sirius might even love him back, if he really tried, but it wouldn’t be fair, it wouldn’t be okay. Sirius, who was already so wonderful, so kind, so beautiful, deserved more than what Remus could offer. He deserved more than Remus.
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m sorry, Sirius,” was all Remus could say. He detangled himself from Sirius, and fled the bathroom.
----
“Hello, you sexy creatures, my name is Sirius Black, and I am so happy to be leading all of your beautiful faces into the New Year” Sirius’ voice boomed throughout the pub.
“With me tonight, we’ve got James Potter on guitar, and Peter Pettigrew on drums. And together, we make Midnight Critters.”
The crowd broke out into a rambunctious round of cheers. Many I Love Yous were shouted at the boys. Lily scoffed and rolled her eyes next to Remus, yet couldn’t seem to take her eyes off a very receptive James.
“I’d like to dedicate tonight’s set to someone I just met tonight. Someone, I barely know, yet can’t help but fall a little bit in love with,” Sirius laughed to himself, “in my profession, it's our job to create stories about falling in love, about capturing a perfect moment and putting it to music. I’m so sad that this person and I have only just met, as I haven’t had enough time to put them to music just yet, so I hope this set can do them justice.”
Sirius looked right at Remus as he said this, shy smile poking the side of his lips. Remus was simply going to combust. It was a daydream come true. It was entirely too much. Remus’ fragile, romantic heart couldn’t take it.
“Anyway,” Sirius paused, a shit eating grin taking over his face as he slid his gaze to the redhead next to Remus, “this one goes out to Lily Evans.”
“Oi!” James shouted, but Peter was already counting them in. Sirius winked at Remus, then focused on his playing.
Remus couldn’t help but laugh. Screw his insecurities, he wanted to run up on stage right then and there and snog Sirius Black senseless.
Remus had always tried to stop any romantic or sexual encounter before it could happen; he was too afraid to ever start something real, to ever put himself out there. But staring at Sirius now, a vision from his best daydreams, it was hard to deny the fact that for once, Remus wanted to try. He wanted to try, because Sirius was beautiful and confident, and looked fucking perfect up on that stage. He wanted to try, because Sirius was obviously interested, and knew what he wanted. Most importantly, Remus wanted to try because he knew that this Sex God Rockstar, Sirius Black, was a huge, loveable, foolish, wonderful, nerd. Remus hated trying, it always ended in pain, but he wanted to try for Sirius Black.
But he had already ruined things. He pushed Sirius away, used his asexuality as a shield, and he would have to live with that fact.
So Remus just watched. He watched as Sirius beautifully plucked away at his bass, graceful and fluid in all his movements. He watched the way Sirius' throat bobbed up and down with each haunting note he sang. He watched the way people flocked to the stage, enamoured with the star that shone just as bright as his namesake. He watched Lily, as she became fully immersed with Midnight Critters guitarist, watched as she scoffed at the girls vying for his attention.
He watched the band sing their final song, take their final bow. He watched them saunter off stage, clapping shoulders and ruffling hair. He watched-
“Let’s go,” Lily tugged on Remus' sleeve.
“Yeah, alright,” He nodded along in response, hanging his head low to avoid the sight of the wonderful man he rejected.
Remus gathered up all his stuff, threw his coat on, and started heading towards the exit.
“Where are you going?” Lily scowled.
Remus scowled in return.
“Er… home?”
“No, silly,” Lily huffed, “we’re paying a visit to Potter.”
“What? No-”
But Lily, small but strong, was already yanking him through the pub, towards Midnight Critters' overly stuffed booth.
“Lily, why exactly are we going to see Potter?”
“We’re congratulating him on a good set. It’s good sportsmanship.”
“You know, you keep saying that. You do realize you're not playing any sports, right?”
“Whatever, Lupin. We’re stopping by and I need your support,” she looked back at him nervously, anxiously squeezing his hand.
“Okay, Lily,” he said sweetly.
Lily’s hardened exterior shifted into unconcealable anxiety as they approached the table. There was a line to get to the band, everyone wanting a piece of their talent and charisma.
They floated nearby for 5 minutes, when Lily sighed.
“Right. Yeah. Thought I could turn a new leaf, but I’m not going to wait for a bloody half hour like some prick just to do so. Let’s go.”
She yanked Remus again.
“I’m getting quite tired of this manhandling, Ms Ev-”
“Evans?” James ended Remus’ sentence.
Lily turned back to the table, where a slight gap in people had formed. James looked like a Tim Burton character with how wide his eyes were.
He started saying something to the crowd, shoeing them away. Lily hesitantly made her way back to the table wringing her hands. Remus followed closely behind. As they arrived in front of the band, James shoved their third bandmate, Peter, out of the booth.
“In you get, in you get!” James ushered, “you too, Lupin.”
The booth was in a u shape, meaning they all crammed in on the same bench. Lily was squished between Remus and James, and Sirius sat on the opposite side, facing Remus. Sirius’ face was carefully blank, though he stared at Remus openly. Once settled, James beamed at the group, as if he couldn’t believe Lily Evans was sitting next to him.
“Wow,” James breathed, “I can’t believe Lily Evans is opting to sit in a booth with me.”
Lily blushed and looked down at her lap. Remus smiled to himself and watched the pair.
“Is this real Pads? Tell me this is real. Here,” He shoved his arm at Sirius, “pinch me!”
“I’m not going to pinch you, you wanker,” Sirius laughed.
“Well someones’ got to- OW!” James swiveled to look at Lily, who had an inch of James’ skin squeezed tightly between her fingers.
“Whoops,” she smiled sweetly.
“I can’t believe Lily Evans is willingly touching me,” James gasped to himself. It would have been horrifyingly embarrassing if anyone else said it, but James made it endearing. It was too honest to be a prank, and the earnestness of his reaction made a deep pink settle in Lily’s cheeks.
Remus couldn’t help the smug smile that tugged at his lips. He looked at Sirius, to see if he was also witnessing this. Sirius's eyes glimmered with mirth. He raised an eyebrow and nodded towards their friends as if to say, can you get a load of this?
Remus barked a laugh at the absurdity of it all, drawing James and Lily’s attention. He quickly quieted and stuck his gaze back to his lap.
“Don’t read too much into it, Potter,” Lily said proudly, “I just wanted to congratulate you on your set.”
“Did you like the song Flower Garden ?” James jumped up, eager to engage, “I wrote that one about you.”
“Yes, I could tell,” she grimaced.
“Really? But I didn’t even dedicate it to you this time.”
“The lyric, 'Want a lily to tangle in my hair, you’re always with me but never there’ isn’t as subtle as you think it is.”
“Oi! I’ll have you know I am very subtle…” Remus started to tune them out as the pair began their bicker-flirting.
Remus chanced a glance at Sirius, who was chuckling and looking at Remus with a wide, open smile.
Remus immediately dropped his gaze again. Would Remus always find Sirius overwhelming?
Remus felt a boot kick his foot under the table, he looked up in alarm and saw Sirius shaking a pack of cigarettes. He nodded towards the exit, and Remus nodded his head.
“Off for a smoke break,” Sirius informed James as he pushed himself out of the booth, “and I’m taking Lupin with me.”
“What?” Lily looked at Remus desperately.
“Only be a minute, I’m sure James will keep you entertained,” Remus replied smugly.
“That I will, Lupin! And I will do so diligently!” He turned to Lily with a wicked grin on his face, “have I ever told you how I got my nickname? It was a cold and rainy day…”
Remus shook his head fondly as he exited the booth, and followed Sirius outside.
They shared a cigarette. Remus wasn’t much of a smoker, and couldn’t be half arsed to bother bumming a proper smoke.
They stood in silence, shoulder to shoulder, passing the cigarette back and forth, watching as people came and went, getting rowdier and rowdier as the clock ticked closer to midnight.
“What did you think of the set?” Sirius eventually asked.
“It was amazing,” Remus replied before Sirius could even finish. “I think you were born for the stage. You just transform up there. It’s amazing to watch. I wish I could do that.” Remus blushed immediately, already feeling like he revealed too much.
“Nah, you’re just saying that,” Sirius waved his hand, trying to dismiss him.
“I’m not, I mean it! You looked beautiful up there. The stage lights reflect off you stunningly, it’s literally like the whole set up was designed just to compliment you. And your stage presence it’s just- wow!” he trailed off as he saw the evil grin taking over Sirius’ face.
“Oh, you know all this already, don’t you?”
“Doesn’t make it any less nice to hear, especially when it’s coming from you,” Sirius winked.
Remus blushed and looked away.
“Have you ever thought about performing?” Sirius asked after a few moments in silence.
Remus shook his head adamantly.
“No, never. I am not cut out for that life,” he paused, and looked at Sirius with humour, “but the girls did say I'd make a sexy Stevie Nicks if I ever tried. I’m not even sure what that means, though.”
Sirius looked like that was the most wonderful information he had ever heard.
“Ohhh, you’d make the sexiest Stevie,” he cooed, “you can’t put that image in my head Remus. Now I want to see you decked out in black eyeliner, swirling around the stage in your best gothic dress.”
Sirius' eyes skimmed Remus’ body, and got stuck on his hair. Sirius scooted forward, and wrapped a finger around Remus’s dirty blonde hair.
“You know, if you were to grow out your hair, it would be quite Stevie like,” he said quietly.
“Er, I suppose you’re not wrong.”
Sirius smiled up at him, and left it at that, but his hand remained in Remus' hair. Remus felt his fingers slowly spread and expand across his scalp, soaking up every bit of Remus’ fluffy curls.
“Remus,” Sirius breathed. Remus turned to look at him. They were nose to nose.
“I’m sorry for pushing so hard in the bathroom. I’ve just fancied you for quite a while, and I was excited to even have a chance with you.”
“I’m sorry for rejecting you,” Remus whispered back. Sirius laughed at that.
“You’re allowed to tell me no, Remus. I encourage it, actually. I wouldn’t want to go on a date with you, if you didn’t want to.”
Remus nodded slowly, their noses brushing against each other as he did so.
“Thank you for understanding.”
Sirius’ eyes fluttered close.
“Tell me if I’m misreading this, but I sorta feel like you didn’t want to say no,” Sirius confessed.
Remus let these words sink in. He wasn’t exactly wrong. Before he could reply, Sirius’ eyes flew back open and he took a big step away from Remus.
“Oh my god, does that make me an absolute prick for saying that? I’m so sorry Re-”
“No no,” Remus laughed, grabbing Sirius’ arm and pulling him back, “you’re right. I didn’t want to say no.” Remus took a deep, shuddering breath. “It’s just, I don’t date much, it’s never been easy for me. And it scares me, you scare me. I already really like you, and I don’t want to get my hopes up.”
Sirius pulled Remus in for a hug,
“I want whatever you want, Remus. You're just so- I can’t even explain it. I barely even know you but I already want so much of you. I’ll have you anyway you want me, even if that’s only through friendship.”
“I don’t want to be your friend,” Remus whispered.
“Right,” Sirius swallowed, stepping out of the embrace.
“No, you dummy, I want what you want too. I would like to try, if you’re okay with going slow.”
“More than okay!” Sirius nodded eagerly. “Can’t you tell how much I like you? Lily isn’t the only one with a lyric in Flower Garden, you know,” Sirius winked, and started singing to the tune of the song from earlier that night “get drunk on you like wine, my lovely Lupine.”
Remus banged his head on the wall as he snorted aggressively.
“That was not in the song!’ Remus laughed.
“It’s not my fault I only got your name tonight, cut me some slack!”
“Only if you promise to never sing that again.”
“Anything for you, darling,” Sirius purred. Remus bit his lip as he smiled back at him.
All the other smokers started to head inside. The music was turned down, and he could hear people shuffling around the bar. It must be approaching midnight.
“Okay, okay, how’s this instead: your face is so divine, for you I’d break my spine, oh won’t you please be mine, prickly little lupine.”
Remus hummed and stroked his chin, Sirius looked up at him expectantly.
“That was much, much worse.”
The countdown was beginning now. A loud “TEN” echoed from inside.
“Oi!” Sirius laughed, slapping Remus on the arm. “I’m a fantastic songwriter!”
NINE
“Oh, I’m sure you are. Remind me, how many Grammys do you have?”
EIGHT
“Well, I don’t have any right now, but mark my words, Remus Lupin,”
SEVEN
“I’ll have a dozen by the time I’ve finished my album about you,” Sirius preened.
SIX
“Already writing songs about me?” Remus inched a little closer, Sirius’ eyes blew wide open.
FIVE
“Was that not obvious?” Sirius responded, meeting Remus’ lean.
FOUR
“You were singing about lupines, how was I to know that was about me?” Remus batted his eyes innocently.
THREE
“You want a song? I’ll give you a song.”
TWO
“ Your heart, I’d do anything to win,” Sirius sang intentionally horribly, “Can’t live without you, Remus Lupin.”
ONE
Remus' smile was blinding as the wonderful man continued his antics.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
“Your eyes are golden, an art to behold, I want your heart, your hand to h-”
Remus kissed him. Quickly. Sweetly. With as much passion as he could muster.
Sirius responded enthusiastically, leaning up on his tippy toes to surge into the kiss. His hands tangled in Remus’ hair, then traveled his body. He pushed closer, until he was surrounded by Remus, until there wasn’t a sliver of room for air to pass between them. It was a good fucking kiss.
Remus pulled away abruptly.
“I’m sorry,” he blurted out, “I should have asked first.”
“Darling,” Sirius purred, tucking himself closer to Remus, “you never have to ask.”
“I-” Remus faltered, “I still should have.”
Sirius nodded against his neck.
“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you did. Are you glad?”
“Well, I was the one who initiated it,” Remus laughed, wrapping his arms around Sirius’ body.
“Well, you were also the one who very clearly told me he was asexual and didn’t think it would be a good idea to date me.”
“Right,” Remus replied guiltily. He pecked Sirius on the cheek, “sorry about that.”
They embraced in silence, enjoying eachothers comfort and warmth.
“I’m one of those asexuals who still wants to kiss people, I suppose.”
“Lucky me,” Sirius grinned, his lips pulling across Remus’ neck.
Sirius pulled back and looked at him adoringly.
“So, Remus Lupin, have you been convinced to go on that date yet?” Sirius asked cheekily.
“Yes, Sirius Black, I think I have.”
“Fancy that date start right now?”
Remus interlocked their hands, and brought it up to his lips, placing a kiss over Sirius’s calloused fingers.
“I would love that.”
“Great,” Sirius' smile was overwhelming, “Just need to grab the keys to the bike. Left ‘em with James.”
Sirius dragged them back into the pub, never forgetting to look back and grin at Remus.
“Bike?” Remus asked, fearfully.
“Bike,” Sirius confirmed, “you’ll love her.”
“Oh… I’m sure,” Remus said hesitantly. No way in fucking hell was he getting on that thing.
The inside of the pub could only be described as two things: rowdy and horny. Couples were making out everywhere, and there was a general disinterest in propriety and civility. It made Remus shiver. Couples were pinned up on walls, tumbling to the gross sticky floor, leaning up against the stage. One guy even had a girl sat on the table top, her long red hair sprawling over-
“Lily!” He gasped at the girl.
“James?” Sirius screeched from next to him.
The pair looked at Remus and Sirius guiltily.
“Whoops,” James blushed, “got a little carried away there.”
“I’ll say!” Sirius gawked.
Lily slid from the table and straightened her shirt.
“Well, that should do. Thank you for your services, Potter,” She said cordially, sticking out her hand for James to shake.
James looked absolutely starstruck as he took her hand.
“‘Twas an honour, Evans. If you’ll ever be in need of my… services … again, don’t be afraid to give me a call.”
“Gross!” Sirius complained, pulling his hands up to cover both his ears.
“Thank you, I will make a note of that,” She nodded seriously, “well, I should- yeah.” She promptly pivoted and strutted back to her table.
“Good for Lily,” Remus said to himself, still a bit taken aback.
“Good for Lily? What about what’s good for me?” Sirius whined, “He’s never going to shut up about this now.”
James, after standing in shock for many minutes, suddenly leapt in the air, bouncing high above the crowd, he excitedly punched up multiple times.
“Lily Freakin Evans!” He cackled joyously. He stilled the second he touched down and brought a up finger to trace his lips, “Lily freaking Evans,” he muttered again, much more gently.
“Good on ya, mate,” Sirius clapped James on the back as he moved past him. Sirius got to the table, and fished for his keys. He turned back and grinned as Remus wildly.
“Ready for the best date of your entire life?” Sirius asked.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Remus grinned back.
Remus had never felt so secure, so comfortable at the prospect of a date before. It was a lovely feeling to have.
He looked at Sirius fondly, smiling a little wildly as he let the wonderful feelings overcome him.
Sirius stepped close to him, and laced their fingers together, and pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek.
They walked out the pub together, hand in hand, ready for their burgeoning future together.