Chapter Text
The problem wasn't Scott McCall. The problem wasn't that his best friend got bitten in the middle of the night their sophomore year and turned into a werewolf. Well, maybe that was some of the problem. Maybe part of the problem was that his best friend was chivalrous and that his heart of gold had promoted him into being a true alpha above all the rest. It was possible that part of the problem was that his best friend had seemed to turn from good o' Scotty to the looked up to Scott McCall in what seemed like a blink of an eye. Most of the problem, however, was that Stiles Stilinski was still just plain, ordinary Stiles.
Stiles was human through and through. He couldn't hear the drop of a pen a mile away, and he couldn't lift a car any given weekday whenever he got bored. No, his special skills involved flailing his arms too much when he talked, talking more shit than he could get away with, and lugging around the occasional baseball bat that was really only good for breaking itself. He couldn't exactly say this out loud, but sometimes the only good thing about Stiles Stilinski was Scott Mccall.
It wasn't how he always felt, but when you're walking side by side with the saves-kittens-from-trees True Alpha, it was kind of hard not to feel like that some days. Maybe Stiles really believed he was stronger without it or maybe it was just bitter stubbornness, but he didn't want the bite. He wanted to prove he could fight alongside everyone despite his fragile bones and laughable lack of strength.
I'm afraid being turned into a werewolf will only make it more noticeable how inadequate I really am.
Where Stiles lacked in strength, he made up for in wit. He worked himself to the point of exhaustion some nights trying to research information and uncover the secrets of the supernatural. The thought of everyone stepping blindly into a situation where they might not come back from was a horrifying one. Stiles was prepared, wanted to make sure everyone else was too, and he took pride in it.
Yet some days, Stiles would stare at his best friend and think to himself, 'You make me feel like I'm not good enough.'
The problem wasn't Scott McCall. The problem wasn't how much he loved his best friend. The problem was how much Stiles didn't love himself. Every time Stiles would feel brave enough to voice how incapable he felt sometimes, Scott would stare at him with those brown eyes of his and listen as if there was nothing more important in the entire world than what Stiles had to say. Scott would look at him sometimes, and Stiles would look back and wonder how he got lucky enough to have him in his life. There was so much love in Scott's heart, and Stiles was selfish about it. Scott poured so much love into other people—so much love into him—and Stiles wanted to stay in the forefront of Scott's mind, stay beside Scott's side wherever he was. How could someone as greedy and critical as Stiles be deserving of someone so kindhearted? Yet, Scott stayed by him anyway. He looked at Stiles like he was something more than Stiles felt he was and gave him far more than Stiles felt he deserved.
Do you love me in the same way I love you? Tell me you lie in bed at night thinking of me like I can't stop thinking about you.
'It's okay,' Scott would say when Stiles let his fears and doubts be out in the open, and he'd believe Scott despite the hopelessness sitting in his chest. It would be okay because Scott was sure it would be. Stiles knew Scott was genuine. He already had his heart on his sleeve, and Stiles knew Scott would be at his side in a heartbeat just as Stiles would be at his. Stiles didn't even have to ask. The feeling was just mutual despite Stiles's lack in... He wasn't a hero. Didn't Scott get that? Then despite everything Stiles had done when he was possessed, Scott would still tell him when Stiles felt lost, 'I'll help you.'
Scott loving him so fully wasn't a solution to Stiles's problems, but it was a bandage to a wound, a light in the darkness. Stiles didn't want Scott to have to help him. He wanted to say he could do this alone, could be as strong as everyone else, and be on the front lines. Those words did help guide Stiles in the direction of where he needed to be though. It lifted him up and gave him the extra courage he needed because if someone like Scott McCall could care so deeply about just plain, ordinary Stiles, maybe Stiles would start believing he was worth it.