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It’s been half a standard year since Obi-Wan took Anakin as a padawan. Half a year since he himself was knighted, since Qui-Gon died, and he’s doing just fine.
Maybe he wakes up in a panic most nights, red ray shields invading his vision, and maybe the pressure of pleasing the council keeps him working into the early hours of the morning, but it really is going well, all things considered. He’s holding on. All these things are things he knows perfectly well how to deal with. The real challenge lies somewhere else.
Taking on a padawan is terrifying, in no uncertain terms. To have a child’s life and wellbeing in his hands is not something Obi-Wan had been prepared for when he took on the job. Obi-Wan has not been instructed in any way whatsoever on how to care for a padawan before getting one, in fact, and not for the first time, he wonders what Qui-Gon had been thinking.
So far, Obi-Wan can hesitantly say that it’s going better than he might have expected, with substantial help from other masters and a few books. He and Anakin have formed quite the strong bond, and his padawan is slowly but surely learning to trust him. Anakin is certainly social and exuberant, but living so closely together has disillusioned Obi-Wan from thinking that means he is open and trusting right off the bat.
That boy has had a difficult beginning to his life, though Obi-Wan suspects he will never know the full extent of it.
What little trust Obi-Wan has earned was hard won and took lots of time and reassurance. He has fumbled his way through making himself as good a master as he can be, but he’s not proud to admit that he has a tendency to keep people at arms length. This fact is one he’s trying to address after observing Anakin’s difficulty reaching out to him, but it’s easier said than done.
This is no fault of Anakin’s, of course. Obi-Wan thinks it would be difficult to find a more charming child, if a little wild and stubborn at times. Anakin has only just begun to emerge from his shell of meekness and manners to reveal a boy full of energy and mischief. More often than not, having another presence in his apartment is a good shield against the clawing pull of isolation that comes with loss. And Force, has Obi-Wan lost.
In terms of sheer power and force manipulation, Anakin excels in all aspects, earning overwhelming praise from his teachers. He is curious and quick witted, but he tends to fall behind in subjects like history and Basic. Obi-Wan has taken to helping him as much as he can in little sessions after dinner. They are usually quite effective and helpful, but Anakin has been especially frustrated of late, and his temper has shortened.
Anakin is a blinding light in the Force, shining and burning hot with emotion. When the boy is happy, the world seems to brighten. But as days stretch on and the novelty of coming to the Temple wears off, something darker begins to creep through their fledgling bond.
(Sometimes, Obi-Wan thinks it’s strange how that shadow falls over his padawan, almost in an unnatural way, but surely that’s just his worry talking.)
When Obi-Wan approached him to ask about it, the only response he got was dismissive and overly cheerful. Anakin still hasn’t gotten the hang of expressing his feelings openly and releasing them into the Force.
Qui-Gon Jinn had quite strong opinions about how a padawan should be taught, but Obi-Wan is beginning to think perhaps Anakin might not thrive in the same kind of environment.
So, Obi-Wan thinks, he must take another approach. He’ll have to take baby steps, of course, but surely this will be nothing he can’t handle.
After having brought his concerns to another master with a padawan of their own, Obi-Wan has been informed that children need variety and enrichment outside of academics. He’s not entirely sure of what that entails, but he’s sure he can figure it out.
Perhaps his padawan might benefit from a change of pace.
Today is as good a day as any. For the first time in weeks, Obi-Wan finds himself with a whole day’s worth of free time. Well, almost free, there are some errands to run.
Obi-Wan idly stirs a cup of tea as he soaks in the morning light. He feels good today; it’s beautiful out and there are no classes scheduled, so he lets Anakin sleep in, Force knows he needs it. It’s not long before he hears the sound of a door opening and little feet padding across the floor.
“Good morning, young one,” Obi-Wan smiles at Anakin’s bleary expression, hair wild and small fist rubbing rigorously at his eye. There are pillow lines on his cheek. “Did you sleep well?”
“Mmn,” Anakin responds, watching sleepily from where he stands in the middle of the room, bathed in sunlight as Obi-Wan begins to shuffle around, preparing some toast and jam for him to eat. He doesn’t move from the spot until Obi-Wan sets a plate down on the table. Anakin is still not able to take liberties in their relationship, but he is willing to go with the flow, and Obi-Wan supposes that’s progress.
Obi-Wan asks if his padawan had any dreams as he turns to pour a glass of juice. Anakin says that he did.
“Were they good?”
“Yeah.” Anakin swings his feet back and forth under the table, slowly gaining energy. Obi-Wan gives him his juice and takes the seat across from him, resting his chin in one palm
“And what were they about?”
Swiping crumbs from his mouth, Anakin swallows roughly in order to launch into his tale. He dreamt about a planet where fish swam in the sky, he says, and that he could race them all the way around the planet in his pod-racer. Anakin informs him that these fish were much better competition than the sleemos on Tatooine.
Obi-Wan listens attentively though the whole story, only admonishing Anakin’s language half-heartedly. He’s in too pleasant a mood to scold him with any real heat for his manners.
Anakin eats the rest of his breakfast in silence, still waking up, until he looks up at Obi-Wan, “Um,” he says, and glances down again before meeting his eyes once more, “could I have some more?”
The cup Anakin has nudged forward on the table is now empty of juice. Obi-Wan wastes no time swiping the cup up with a smile he couldn’t fight if he tried, “Of course, padawan.”
It’s a rare thing for Anakin to ask for anything, so this simple question fills Obi-Wan to the brim with relief and joy.
“Did you already eat, master?” Anakin asks brightly around a mouthful of toast.
“I ate earlier,” Obi-Wan replies. He had eaten toast too, just after sunrise woke him from his fitful slumber. They're running out of other breakfast food.
When Anakin has finished his breakfast, Obi-Wan stands and clears his place. Anakin watches him do so with a curious look. Usually Anakin clears his own plate, and sometimes gets his own breakfast. Today is different, and Anakin must not be sure of what to make of Obi-Wan’s unusual indulgence and state of relaxation.
“How would you like to go to the market with me today?”
Apparently very much so— Anakin launches himself from his chair, “Really?! Yes, yes!”
Obi-Wan chuckles at the boy’s antics, but feels a little tug at his chest. What does it say about his care-taking abilities for Anakin to be this excited about going to the market, of all places? He’ll have to think of more excursions for them to have in the future.
“Then get dressed and ready, we’ll go as soon as you’re done.”
Nothing else needs to be said. Anakin all but runs back to his room to change, leaving Obi-Wan to gather everything they need; cloth bags to carry groceries and anything else they get, comm link, data pad… what else?
He paces around aimlessly for the couple minutes Anakin takes to change and brush teeth, trying to think of something else they might need. Ultimately, he draws a blank, and Anakin is ready to go.
—
The market is busy as ever, as all markets on Coruscant are. Truth be told, settings like this are not Obi-Wan’s favorite; he much prefers a more quiet, peaceful atmosphere.
The same cannot be said for Anakin. The boy is practically bouncing off the walls with excitement, eyes wide open and jaw slack in wonder. He is so distracted by the hustle and bustle, in fact, that Obi-Wan is afraid he’ll be swept away. Thus, Obi-Wan keeps a close eye on his padawan and makes sure he’s always within arm’s length; a difficult task to perform when one is also trying to look for the right produce for dinner.
Anakin’s bright eyes are caught by something at nearly every stall, where he also manages to make conversation with the shop owners. Obi-Wan notes that Anakin is much more social outside the Temple than in.
“Look, master!” Anakin runs back to his side with something in hand, “The lady said it was a Kor’val, or something. She let me have some!”
Obi-Wan appraises the object, a bluish pastry-like thing. He decides it’s leaning more towards “or something”, because no Kor’val he’s ever seen has looked like that. Thankfully, Anakin is distracted enough that he can toss it in the nearest garbage receptacle without him noticing.
Darting back and forth from one stall to another as they are, they’ve been out for a fair amount of time already, but still haven’t managed to buy a single thing they came for. Though Anakin has been gifted a small bread roll by a particularly friendly Twi’lek that Obi-Wan deemed safe.
Really, this is causing quite a bit more stress than Obi-Wan thought it would. It feels wrong to tear Anakin away from this moment of indulgence, but Obi-Wan can’t help the occasional “not too far, Anakin,” or the slightly panicked “please stay close!”
It’s not until Anakin nearly walks right into a moving speeder that Obi-Wan acts for real. He lunches forward with an alarmed shout and pulls his padawan out of danger and over to the side of a building.
Oh, his heart is racing, Obi-Wan really doesn’t know if he can handle this.
Breaths somewhat uneven, Obi-Wan grasps Anakin by the shoulders and checks him over for injuries. “Anakin,” he starts, trying not to sound too frightened, “please stay close. I don’t want you getting hurt. Can you do that?” He hold’s Anakin’s wide eyed gaze firmly to emphasize his seriousness.
It seems Obi-Wan wasn’t the only one who was shaken by the experience. Anakin swallows thickly and nods, eyes wide in fright despite how he valiantly tries to maintain a brave face. “I’m sorry, master,” he says tightly, “I won’t do it again.
Obi-Wan winces. That hadn’t been the response he’d been looking for.
“It’s not your fault,” he reassures, “But I care about you very much,” he finds that the honesty is a little raw in his throat, “and I don’t want you to get hurt. You scared me, that's all.”
Anakin is quiet for a moment. Then, quietly, he says, “I thought Jedi weren’t supposed to have fear.” He shifts, “They say it leads to the dark side,” and something tells Obi-Wan this as an important moment.
Obi-Wan lowers himself to one knee so he and Anakin are level. He takes a deep breath, and tried to ignore the fact that what he’s about to say would most definitely be disapproved of by the Council
“Regardless of good or evil,” he says carefully, “there is not a being in this galaxy that does not feel. To love and to fear are to be alive, and there is nothing wrong with that.”
He stands again, surprised at how much he believes his words. He watches as Anakin processes the information with pursed lips.
Finally, Anakin nods. “…That was scary,” he says simply, like he’s trying out the words.
Pride blooms in Obi-Wan’s chest. “Yes,” he smiles, “I very much agree.”
As they begin to walk back toward the crossing, Anakin latches a small hand onto the loose sleeve of Obi-Wan’s robe with a white-knuckled grip.
This arrangement is much better, Obi-Wan thinks, before looking to the right, then the left, and asking Anakin to do the same. Only after Anakin has checked both directions do they cross the speeder lane.
Quite endearingly, Anakin pulls them to a full stop each time they reach a crossing after the first incident. He looks one way and then the other, then checks them both again, just in case, before declaring their passage safe, and allowing them to cross. The somewhat excessive practice does wonders to put Obi-Wan’s mind at ease.
The many glances Anakin shoots up at Obi-Wan don’t escape him. Eventually, Obi-Wan raises an asking brow and Anakin quickly looks away.
Minutes later, Obi-Wan feels little fingers creep their way up from the edge of his sleeve and into his hand. Silently, Anakin slots his hand into Obi-Wan’s, radiating apprehension and nervousness in the Force. Obi-Wan says nothing, but adjusts his grip so that their palms fit together more comfortably.
A burst of happiness shines so brightly and so suddenly through the force that Obi-Wan is taken aback. The feeling becomes muffled just as suddenly. He looks at Anakin at his side to see him walking with a hop to his step, awash with poorly concealed giddiness and satisfaction.
Obi-Wan wonders briefly if this is okay. Qui-Gon would most likely have scolded him for coddling his padawan, if he were here, being a strong advocate for self-reliance.
Nonetheless, Qui-Gon is not here, so Obi-Wan ignores that particular teaching with only a small twinge of guilt. He must be getting desensitized, what with how often he’s been doing that recently. He can think of nothing wrong with holding hands like this, especially if it keeps his padawan safe.
Together, they complete their shopping, managing to find ingredients for a simple dinner (unfortunately, Obi-Wan is no cook, so simple will have to do), more bread for toast, other breakfast makings, and fruits for snacking.
If, following their trip to the market, Anakin finds an excuse to walk hand-in-hand for nearly every excursion, Obi-Wan doesn’t mention it.