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"Yo, friend! It's a fine night, why not join me for a drink?" Xiao hears as his arrives back at Wangshu Inn in the evening.
The Anemo Archon is perched upon the railings of the inn in his usually lackadaisical manner, as he would sometimes do whenever he is bored or when snubbed by one of his Four Winds.
"Ooh?" he teases. "It smells like you've already gotten started."
"No need," Xiao replies curtly, "I just want to rest for tonight."
Venti, as the God of Wind and Songs, Barbatos, is known as currently, giggles softly. "Well, even if it's just a night, it's good to take off that mask once in a while."
Despite his rejection, Venti follows Xiao up to the roof of the inn. As he has learnt from watching Rex Lapis interract with his neighbouring archon, resistance is futile, much more so if one cannot even throw small building-sized rocks. So Xiao simply lets the Barbatos be.
Thankfully, much like all the other times when Barbatos comes across him in this state, the bard does not speak to him or expects anything from him. He plops himself down on the beam and begins to pluck a tune from his lyre as he sings softly.
"♪ Been waiting for you here all night~ ♪
♪ Waiting with my chest clenched tight~ ♪
♪ For you to come fill me up, ♪
♪ For our lips to share a cup~ ♪"
Xiao is not sure if the song is meant to be a sweet soulmate's serenade or a drunken dirty ditty, but Venti's tender tune served as a lovely lullaby to him, lifting the darkness weighing heavily over him as he drifted into the comforting embrace of slumber.
It turns out that he does not mind the bard's presence at all.
As sunlight filters through the ample foliage above Wangshu Inn, Xiao awakens on the rooftop to the smell of wine. Sure he did drink a little, finding it hard to turn down the grateful offering from the human child and elder. But definitely not as much as to smell this strongly...
He seats himself upright and finds a youth clad in the bard garb of Mondstadt lying down beside him. Oh right, he was in the care of Barbatos and his song the night before.
"... Thank you." Xiao whispers to him.
"Meeoow~~" comes a purr in response, sending a jolt through his ears.
"Hey," Xiao shakes the bard by his shoulders, "If you're already awake, get up- ... oh."
He flushes slightly when he realises that the purr came from Wei, the innkeepers' mischievous pet cat who had been lying atop Venti's chest. The creature lets out another purr, rubbing its white and black body against Xiao's arm before its saunters back down indoors.
"... Sorry, I thought that was you."
Strangely, Venti was still not waking up. Piss drunk again then, Xiao sighs.
"Venti, it's morning. Wake up." He taps on Venti's shoulders, trying to rouse the bard from his stupor.
Still no response.
Just how much had you been drinking this time?
"Adeptus Xiao...?" calls out a childlike voice from below.
Xiao would have disappeared immediately if he was not concerned about a child stumbling upon an archon dead drunk.
A light violet hat eventually pops up from the ledge and the little zombie whom he recognises as Qiqi of Bubu Pharmacy clambers up onto the roof.
The little pharmacist pulls out a paper prescription from her sleeve and begins to read off it. "Patient: Adeptus Xiao. According to the diagnosis by Attending Physician Doctor Baizhu, the..."
"No need for that." Xiao interrupts her. "Human medicines don't work on me."
"Mister Bai told Qiqi that. I know that now." Qiqi does not budge. "There are no medications in the prescription." She stares at him until she thinks he is listening to her, then continues reading.
"The patient exhibits symptoms of depression, alongside psychosis. Community-based psychosocial support is highly recommended."
Xiao does not understand nor acknowledge whatever she just said. "Ridiculous! None of your human treatments will work on me.
"Mm. That's why Qiqi is here. I am jiangshi."
While Xiao stays slack-jawed at her (flawless) logic, the girl continues reading once more. "Based on his past medical history and inference of history history, the patient has also displayed signs of suicidal ideation and thus, cannot be left alone.
"As such, I am sent here. Qiqi will be patient's support and watch."
With that, she sticks a talisman onto his right arm and holds on to it.
"What's that supposed to mean?" the Yaksha tries to shake her off in vain. "It's useless to worry about me. I've been dealing with this for centuries, it is my karma and my sins, they're mine alone to carry."
Qiqi does not release her grip on his arm. "Qiqi is strong. You can carry karma, I can carry you."
"... ...
"... !"
Xiao tries to teleport away, but realises that the talisman she has placed on his arm was meant to bind him to her.
Tch. Well then, sorry, Barbatos.
"... hmpf. Rather than carrying me, how about you deal with him?"
Xiao steps aside, no longer having any consternations about letting Qiqi see the drunk bard lying by his feet. (It's not like she would remember.)
"Ah... Another patient." Qiqi's eyes widen.
He expects her to let go of him in order to retrieve Venti but instead, she pulls Xiao down with her as she positions herself into a squat between Venti's legs. With her left hand still holding on to his right wrist, Qiqi lifts Venti up by his collar with her right hand, over her shoulders, then, hooks both hands under Venti's thighs, and....
"Up."
She stands up with Venti soundly on her back.
Holy Lord of Geo what has Baizhu been feeding her.
"Let's go."
No, Xiao is not going to be seen by the entire Wangshu Inn's breakfast crowd jumping off the roof with a zombie and a drunkard.
"Qiqi, wait." He commands.
"Mm?" Qiqi looks up at him expectantly.
He bends down and pulls her into his chest, whispering into her ear (and unfortunately, also where Venti's alcohol breath is wafting from beside it).
"«I love you very much»."
Qiqi lets go of her hand on him. Xiao rips off the talisman off his arm instantly and snatches his prescription (Qiqi's orders) from her attire, then teleports away.
"... ...
"... ... huh...?"
Qiqi's eyelids flutter as the wind kisses her face. Something feels warm, she thinks. Not warm like nasty pyro, but warm like... what was it? Qiqi cannot remember. But it is the sort of warmth that is comfortable.
What was Qiqi doing? Qiqi cannot remember that either. She should check her journal...
Ah. She cannot check her journal now because her hands are carrying someone on her back. Their body feels a little warm. And Qiqi recognises that she is standing on top of the roof of the tall tree-building near silk flowers.
So that explains the warmth and the wind.
Qiqi has no idea why she is here, but she knows what she must do. She has a patient on her back, and it is her duty to bring them to the physician safely.
"Jump down gently." She orders herself. Hop hop, safely on the veranda.
"Carry patient. Go to Bubu Pharmacy."
She rode the lift down with a few of inn's customers. Walk past the dining area. Imperviable to all of the curious stares, kind-meaning questions to her and murmurings about the inn being haunted.
She is a jiangshi with orders and she cannot be stopped.
Despite having thrown his friend under the bus to the ambulance in order to escape Qiqi's “treatment”, Xiao could not help but to worry about Venti.
The Anemo Archon had always been a big drinker, but he was also exceptionally good at holding his alcohol. He only ever gets that drunk when he wants to, so Xiao wonders if there was something affecting him.
Thus, the guardian yaksha ends up being the silent bodyguard tailing Venti and his current guardian as they make their to the Harbour.
Watching Qiqi easily carry Venti on her back, Xiao marvels at her dexterity and strength. Qiqi might not completely remember it, but Xiao knows of her adeptal powers. However, perhaps it is due to her form remaining that of a child's, he found her mannerisms sometimes pitiful or inexplicable.
Like how she had stopped and bent down to pick up a fallen apple (while Venti's thighs still rest on her forearms). Like how she swiftly stabbed that apple into the pointy top of her hat, then began to chant in some repetitive bizarre tones.
Those are not any form of adeptal arts that he knows of.
But she seems to be in a good mood, and he supposes that is what matters.
"When a patient cannot move, Qiqi will carry them to Mister Bai."
"Wow Qiqi! So you're not only the pharmacist, but also the ambulance!"
Qiqi was playing with the outlander Traveller one day, when they asked about her work at the Pharmacy.
"Ambulance... What's that?" Qiqi enquires.
"Ah, it's a special medical vehicle, like a truck with a red light on top of it," they demonstrate by placing an apple on their head. "And it sounds like “bee doo bee doo bee doo...”.
"Its job is to bring sick or injured people to the hospital — where the doctor is — quickly and safely!"
Qiqi nods in understanding. "Mmh. Qiqi is the ambulance." She makes note of this in her journal.
She has the apple on her hat now, so Qiqi is an ambulance. Now to say the sounds that help keep patients safe on their way to the doctor.
"Bee... doo... Bee doo... Bee... doo... Bee doo..."
The charm must be working, for Qiqi finds herself more confident than ever about bringing this sick person to Doctor Baizhu safely.
"He has no pulse and no heartbeat, Qiqi. Take him to Hu Tao, not us." Declares Changsheng, the white snake on the physician's shoulders, nonchalantly.
Dejected, Qiqi droops her head. "Is he dead...?"
"Now now, Changsheng, let's not make conclusions so soon," Baizhu chides his snake as he pats Qiqi on her head reassuringly. "I'll continue examining him, if I cannot be his physician then, at least, let me be his coroner."
"Is there even a need to? You can already smell it, the poor fool just had too much to drink and accidentally off-ed himself." Changsheng comments but shifts her position to allow her mount more freedom of movement.
Qiqi looks on as Baizhu puts on a pair of medical gloves and begins to carefully examine the patient.
Finally, he adjusts his glasses and looks down at her.
"His eyes are puffy and moist, his lips are swollen, and rashes have broken out all over his skin. The symptoms all point to an allergic reaction. I wonder... Could he be allergic to an alcohol? His face is pale, indicating that he also has some respiratory problems; but strangely, his body is still warm despite lacking a heartbeat, so I am not sure what to make of that. But given that you found him after I sent you after the Guardian Yaksha... Normally not having a heartbeat would make one dead, but it can be hard to sa-
"Did someone say DEAD!? I'm here to collect the body!" rang out a familiarly annoying voice as its owner pokes her head through the door.
"The treatment room is only opened to patients, their next-of-kins, and the staff of the pharmacy, Director Hu. Please leave now before I call the millelith," Baizhu sighs.
Qiqi moves to stand defensively between the treatment bench and Hu Tao.
"Our patient. Not your client."
To her credit, the Funeral Director graciously backs out of the door.
"Ahaha... You're mistaken, Qiqi. I recognise that man, and you're right in that he's not my client. I've seen him steal wine from Zhongli's room before, and some ghosty friends of mine told me they saw you carrying him. So I'm here to get him!"
"He stole wine from your consultant, you say?" Baizhu ponders. "Since he's a thief, should we call for the millelith instead?"
"Nah, it'll be fine." Hu Tao assures him. "When Zhongli noticed the wine gone he seemed to know who took it, so they probably know each other. I'll just take him in until Zhongli comes back!"
"I see... If you would kindly pick up his physician examination fees too, that would be fine by me." Baizhu writes up an invoice and hands it to Hu Tao.
Hu Tao gives the paper a once-over as she fishes out her wallet. "Huh. Surprisingly fair charges this time."
"He's a special patient brought here by Qiqi after all," he smiles at his ward.
"Qiqi will carry him to Wangsheng. Keep him safe." While Qiqi no longer fears Hu Tao like she used to, she does not trust Hu Tao not to bury her patient.
"I'm fine with that!" Hu Tao grins cheekily at the zombie. "You're stronger than I am after all~
"... By the way, what's with the apple on your hat?"
"Ambulance charm."
Qiqi does not elaborate further and hauls Venti up over her shoulders.
"Aiyaya~ I never thought I will see the day where Qiqi willingly follows me to the funeral parlour... My ancestors in the stars, are you watching over me? Has my fate's course finally taken a turn in my favour?"
"Bee... doo... Bee doo..."
Qiqi pointedly ignores Hu Tao's rambling as she walks behind the funeral director with sharp eyes.
"♪ The little jiangshi over there ♪
♪ She's coming by~ She's coming by~ ♪
♪ Lay out the desserts bring out the tea ♪
♪ Give our best for this cutie~ ♪"
Hu Tao sings as she skips ahead in high spirits.
They arrive at Wangsheng Funeral Parlour.
"All right then, Miss Qiqi, thank you for your services!" Hu Tao shows Qiqi to a room, "Please lay our sleepy guest over here, then you're welcome to come over to our tearoom for some snacks!"
Said room is the coffin storage. Qiqi's undead face manages a scowl.
"No." She turns around.
"Wait wait!" Hu Tao steps around to stop her. "We have to put him down somewhere right? I would offer him my bed, but we can't put a thief down in my bedroom, can we? So this is my spare bed!"
Qiqi looks down at the coffin she indicated. The insides are lined with soft material; there is a pillow, a blanket and a stuffed toy in there. Beside the coffin is a stool with an inkpad and brush, along with neat stacks of books on the floor. Hu Tao was not kidding: This really is her spare bed.
Qiqi grumpily lays Venti in the coffin.
"Hu Tao. Not allowed to touch him."
"All right all right, I won't, promise!" Hu Tao laughs.
"Now, I've got some coconut pudding, want some?"
That is an attractive offer for the little zombie. Since she would be with Hu Tao... That would mean her patient is safe. So Qiqi nods and follows Hu Tao to the tearoom.
Wind enters the coffin storage when the two girls leave, and Yaksha Xiao materialises beside the coffin where the Anemo Archon lays motionless.
"Heh..." he lets out a chuckle at the sight. Hu Tao never fails to amuse him.
He places his fingertips on Venti's chest and notes the lack of heartbeat, as observed by the physician. So you've really given up your Gnosis, just like he did...
But, why has he not woken up yet? He highly doubts Doctor Baizhu's hypothesis about allergy to any sort of alcohol — The God of Wind and Song has been drinking for ever since he knew him.
Come to think of it... How has the Yaksha himself not woken up once, while being carried all the way from Dihua Marsh to Bubu Pharmacy on the little jiangshi's back? Has it been due to the power of Qiqi's mysterious “ambulance charm” at work?
"Miaow..."
This time, Xiao looks around. He sees the white cat that sometimes hangs around the funeral parlour enter.
"Hu Tao's not here," he waves it away, not expecting it to understand. "I don't have any snacks for you."
The creature comes up to Xiao's hand, so he ends up patting its head. It then jumps up onto the pile of coffins and lays down for a nap.
Xiao looks back at Venti in the coffin. The physician also said that he had experienced some breathing difficulties. What a joke, he thinks. The God of Wind being out of breath.
... ... If he is out of breath, then perhaps all he needed was some anemo to awaken. So Xiao pinches Venti's nose close and blows into his mouth.
"Hrrrgghh-aackk aaa-aaAACCHHOOOOO---!!!"
A sneeze resounds from the coffin storage.
"Oya~? It looks like our guest is awake!"
Both Hu Tao and Qiqi rush to the room to see the Mondstadter crying and sniffling as he sits in the coffin bed.
(As he coughs violently, a white and black hairball falls from his mouth.)
"Where... hrk-aachoo...! Am igh now... aachoo...! Whag's up wig gish place- Achoo! When hash my morbal enemy snugk up on me... Achhooo!!"
"It is okay. Qiqi will protect the patient." Qiqi once again puts herself between Hu Tao and Venti.
"Enemy who!? Tao's not an enemy~!" Hu Tao cries out, faking a scandalised tone.
"Mreow...?"
"Achoo--! 'Dere it ish...!" Venti points an accusatory finger at the white cat who had just been woken up by the commotion.
"Cat...?" Hu Tao looks at the cat. Then at Venti. And the furball he just spat out.
She thumps on her palm at the epiphany. "Oh...! Cat allergy!"
Venti continues sniffling as Qiqi tries to wipe at the tears and snot on his face.
Above them on the roofs, Xiao brings his hand to his forehead. A god with cat allergy...? He had clean forgotten about it, passing off all the incidents of Venti actively avoiding the feline creatures as another joke of his.
The yaksha sighs deeply.
"C'mon...! Pass me the wine already! I'll recover better with it, really!"
The girls had brought Venti into the tearoom with them to enjoy the snacks Hu Tao had prepared. Venti's eyes light up upon spying the wine bottles in the cabinet.
"No. Hangover awakening tea. Drink." Qiqi stands between him and the cabinet with a teapot on the tray in her hands.
"... uuggh...! Not this again..."
Venti resigns to the little girl's instructions and pours himself a cup of the bitter tea.
"Hoho, again...?" asks Hu Tao curiously. "This is a special blend from my consultant, he mixed it from the hangover tea from the pharmacy along with some of his own herbal ingredients."
"Yea, a friend of mine used to knock me down and force-feed me some nasty drink whenever he finds me drinking wine. What a spoilsport, right?" Venti grumbles.
"It can't be help! You're allergic to alcohol so it's only right that you get some medicine to treat it!"
Hu Tao giggles while Qiqi nods in agreement.
"I'm allergic to cats! Not alcohol," he protests. "What sort of Mondstadter would I be if I were allergic to wine!?
"Like, can you imagine a Liyuen being allergic to mora?"
"Oh, I don't know, with the way my consultant consistently forgets his wallet, I'd have sworn he's allergic to mora."
Venti guffaws at her statement.
"Fair! On that note, to repay you two lovely young ladies for taking care for me earlier, in place of mora, will you accept a song? I may not look it, but I'll have you know that I'm the best bard in Mondstadt!"
"Song...?" questions Qiqi with a finger to her lips.
"It's like performance you can enjoy!" Hu Tao explains as she gestures for the smaller girl to sit down beside her. "Sure, go for it!"
Venti conjures up his lyre and begins to sing
"♪ Glaze like heavenly palace ♪
♪ Shining like moon on water ♪
♪ Moon illuminates the night ♪
♪ Why ever bring up farewells? ♪
♪ ... ..."
It is a lovely song about Liyue, Hu Tao realises. She closes her eyes as she lets the lyrics into her soul. Every word caresses her spirit, every verse transports her to a different beautiful landscape of her homeland. He truly is a gifted bard.
When his song finishes, Hu Tao gives him a one woman standing ovation.
Qiqi, looks up at her for a while, then turns to face Venti, clapping slowly herself too.
"You sing well."
"Yes! You're amazing! What a beautiful voice. That's what they call a professional musician!"
"Why, thank you, thank you." Venti dismisses his instrument and holds up the ends of his cape in a curtsy.
"Miss Hu Tao, you're not too bad yourself."
"Ohoho!" Hu Tao grins, "While it is true that I am indeed a versemonger of great repute in this areas, I'm afraid I can barely handle an instrument."
"Oh? Have you not noticed? You already have." Venti smiles kindly. "The way you got up on your feet and moved along with the rhythm of the music, the way you sang along in accompaniment to me despite hearing this song for the first time... Miss Hu Tao, your very body is the instrument."
Hu Tao is stunned for a couple of seconds, for receiving genuine direct praise is not something that happens to her often. Most compliments to her are often accompanied with a complaint.
"Oya...? If the best bard in Mondstadt has this to say about me, then I best show him what I've got, shan't I?"
Pulling the same lyrics from his song, Hu Tao begins a rap while tapping out the beat with her feet. This time, Venti plays the lyre in accompaniment.
"Xiao? What are you doing here?"
Zhongli senses a presence above his funeral home that he is well acquainted with.
"Milor- Mister Zhongli. Bar- The bard had fallen ill due to... the cat at Wangshu Inn earlier, and through the humans' intervention, is now conversing with them inside." Xiao materialises before the funeral consultant.
"I see... Why don't you join them inside?"
"I am... not suited for human festivities." Xiao looks away, hoping Zhongli will never know about Qiqi carrying him all the way to the Harbour the night before.
Zhongli chuckles. "Even though only a third of them is human, and that human, as an undertaker, is immune to your karma?"
Xiao has no answer to that, so he remains silent.
"Miaow...!" the white cat calls out, tail swishing about from having taken a long good nap.
"Waah!" Venti jumps up and retreats to the farthest corner away from the door.
"Hu Tao, please, don't let your cat in!"
"Don't worry! That “meow” just means Zhongli's home!" Hu Tao cackles. "You ready for this, Venti?"
"You bet I am!"
Zhongli slides open the door and-
Splash!
- a bucket of cold hangover awakening tea empties itself over him.
"... ..."
Qiqi is standing before him with a towel in her hands.
"... Thank you, Miss Qiqi." He takes the towel gratefully and dries himself with it, but finds a stinging sensation on his face.
He lifts up the towel to see red ground jueyun chilli powder lining the surface of the towel.
"... ...
"Miss Qiqi... Where are they?"
Qiqi points to the window and says flatly. "The patient and Hu Tao said to wait here for you. They went out there."
"I see, thank you very much, Miss Qiqi. You've done well, go back to Bubu Pharmacy now." Zhongli dries his face on his sleeves.
"I'm going to brew some tea now. There are two people in need of an awakening treatment from me."
Xiao does not know why he is getting dragged through the streets of Liyue by his friend and his Lord's boss.
"Oh, great, Xiao, you're here...!" Venti had said as the two of them came dashing out from the corner of the funeral home.
"Now, let's run!" Neither gave him an opportunity to reply before each taking a hand of his and speeding off with him in tow.
The sound of Hu Tao's rambunctious laughter prompts Baizhu to look out of his window. He knows Hu Tao to be a weird one, but he sure did not expect to see her and the Mondstadter patient kidnapping the Guardian Yaksha.
"Isn't that great?" Changsheng muses as she slithers by his face. "Even if Qiqi forgot her orders, it seems like there are others happy to follow-up on them."
Baizhu chuckles. Bewildered as he looks, at least Patient Xiao is receiving the psychosocial support he needs.