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In typical Waldorf-style, Blair had insisted on throwing an engagement party for them. It was a tastefully done little thing, but it still felt like theirs. Nate stared down at his hand with the elegant, simple silver band on it, thinking of the twin ring on Dan’s hand. (I know I should’ve saved up to get you gold, Dan had said as he’d slid it on, and Nate had given him a disbelieving look and said, dude, do you think I care about the material of the ring? I’d accept a ring pop from you. It’s about what it signifies. You’re the poet here, not me.) In that moment, everything was as it should be.
Still, he couldn’t shake the sense of foreboding. Not quite.
Dan was talking to Serena, gesturing animatedly. Vanessa, holding her godson Milo, was leaning against Blair and talking to her quietly. People Nate kind of knew from school were milling about, the room full of quiet murmurs like the humming of bees, filling space. Nate knew he needed air, knew he needed a moment alone.
Before he could sneak out, a small but strong hand grasped his shoulder, owner of said hand towering at his height with extremely badass black stilettos.
“Jen,” Nate said quietly, looking at his future sister-in-law.
Jenny wasn’t the confused, sad, lost little girl he’d known once. She’d grown into the best version of herself she could’ve possibly become, he thought sometimes. And right now, her gaze was focusing on him with acute perceptiveness. She put her hand on his shoulder and led him outside, quietly, to Blair’s balcony.
“You look morose,” Jenny said when they were finally alone. “Which is pretty weird. I mean, it’s Dan’s job to be the morose one. You’re the ray of sunshine and he’s the stormcloud.”
“He isn’t a stormcloud to me,” Nate murmured absent-mindedly, staring at the New York skyline from the balcony.
“Yeah, I’d imagine not,” Jenny allowed. “Okay, enough bullshit. What’s bothering you? It’s not us, is it?”
Though she’d said it light-heartedly enough, Nate could hear a pang of real fear in it, something he only noticed because of how well he knew Jenny. He shook his head.
“It’s my parents,” Nate murmured. “You know how they are. Mom said if I go through with this – with marrying Dan – I’ll never be welcome home again. Dad’s… pretending I don’t exist. And I should be happy about it, Jen, I know. They were never… they weren’t what parents ought to be to their kids, I know that. But I still miss them sometimes. I miss what I wanted them to be, what I thought they could be. Is it fucked up to say that they broke my heart?”
Jenny’s arm came to rest around him, and she pulled him closer in a half-hug of sorts. “No, it’s not fucked up. I mean, it’s fucked up of them to treat you how they did, but you’re alright, Nate. You are.”
The balcony door slid open, and Dan entered, Milo in his arms.
“Hey, arms off my fiancé,” he said to Jenny, elbowing her, and she stuck her tongue out at him. Nate, despite himself, laughed. “Jen, could you hold Milo for a minute?”
“Sure,” Jenny said. “D’you want a minute alone with your man, Daniel? I’ll take Milo inside. Remember not to be too obscene out here – everyone in the city can see you.” And with that, she was gone.
“Wow,” Nate said, laughing a little. “She’s really something.”
“You’re telling me.” Dan had that little half-smile, the one Nate adored so much, where the corners of his mouth would curve up a little, and his eyes would sparkle. The smile faded after a moment, Dan looking at Nate with poorly-hidden worry. “You alright, bro?”
Nate curled an arm around Dan’s waist, pulling him closer. Their hips brushed against each other, and Dan, now used to such shows of affection, did not blush as fiercely as he used to when they’d first started dating, but his cheeks still went slightly pink. Nate revelled in it; it was a biochemical reaction of flusterment that he hoped never stopped.
“You know what my mom said,” Nate reminded Dan. When he’d got that phone call and dissociated for the rest of the day, it was Dan who’d needed to gently pick up the pieces, to put him together again like some sort of parody of Humpty Dumpty. “If I marry you, I get disowned.”
Dan nodded. “If it’s bothering you, and you want to call the wedding off – ”
“Never,” Nate interrupted. “We’ve been over this, too. I love you, and they can’t punish me out of it or do a single damn thing to change how I feel. They’ve never been good parents to me. I should have made my peace with that by now.”
“It’s not an easy thing to be okay with,” Dan murmured, shifting and putting an arm around Nate, pulling him closer to his chest, so Nate was practically cradled in Dan’s arms. “And it’s unfair as hell. You’re one of the best men I know. If your parents can’t appreciate that, it’s not your fault, and it’s okay to grieve that, for as long as you need. Nobody would think less of you for it.”
“I love you,” Nate said quietly. What he really meant to say was you are my family now, you have been my family for a while.
“I love you too,” Dan said, just as tenderly. It sounded like he was saying, I know, and I’m here for you. I always will be.
When they kissed on Blair’s balcony, Dan didn’t say anything about the slow trickle of tears on Nate’s face, simply pulling out a handkerchief to gently dab at him.
“Thanks,” Nate murmured softly.
“Nothing to thank me for,” Dan insisted. “After all, what’s a fiancé for?”