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No. He had known. No. No no. Please, god no. Not him. Anyone but him. He had known. He had known something awful was going to happen to Swift that day and he hadn’t done a single thing. Swift hadn’t listened to him. He had failed to save one of the most important people in the world to him. They had died because of him. If he wasn’t there, Swift could’ve escaped with everyone else. If he had left whenever Swift told him to, he would still be alive.
He slammed his tiny fist into the table below him as tears streaked down his face. He wanted to stop crying, but he couldn’t. It felt like everything in him was being crushed. I’m never seeing him again. I’ll never see him smile again. I’ll never hear him laugh. Everything felt wrong and awful. He couldn’t breathe. He could barely even think through the pain. He just knew, fully and completely, that it was his fault that Swift was gone. That his blood was on Nine’s hands. Rough sobs escaped him.
A wing tented over his shoulders, an arm wrapping around him. He looked up to see Rebel hugging him close, trying her best to comfort him, but she was crying too. He leaned into her, clinging onto her chest as sobs wracked their bodies. More arms wrapped around them. Knucks was crying too. They were all crying and holding each other. They had all lost someone important to them that day. They were all suffering, but they were suffering together.
Swift was gone, and he was never coming back. He had broken his promise, and even though he knew Swift hadn’t wanted to he couldn’t help but feel bitter over it. Swift had left him, just like everyone else, whether he wanted to or not. And everything ached. His heart ached, his head ached, his very bones ached and he was exhausted. His shoulders shook as he sobbed and sobbed, trying so hard to just stop crying.
He cried even harder as he remembered something else. And one of the last things I told him was that I hated him. That was one of his last memories of me. He regretted it. He regretted not dragging Swift into the sky along with everyone else. He regretted what he had said, and he wished so badly that he could just take it all back. But he couldn’t, because Swift wasn’t there to hug him and tell him it was alright, that he knew he didn’t mean it and he knew Nine didn’t really hate him. His chest heaved painfully as his sobs became rougher. It felt as if they were tearing his throat out with their force.
They were all crying. They were all drowning in grief, but at least they were drowning together instead of apart. Even if Swift was never coming back, at the very least they had each other for comfort. He hated crying, but he thought that maybe he had a pretty good excuse to cry right now.
Fuck, where was it? Where was the flower? His hands shook as he searched for the vase that held the very last thing Swift had ever given him. What had happened to it? He was trembling, trying to stop the tears from running down his face. He couldn’t lose it. It was the last thing Swift had given him. He needed to keep the flower close to remember Swift by.
He paused as he saw something under the table, and bent down. Down there was a shard of glass. His mouth felt dry as he picked it up, examining it. It was white with some blue patterns on the top, just exactly like the vase that had held the flower Swift had given him. Someone had broken the vase and tried to hide the evidence.
A snarl came across his face, and he tightened his paw around the shard of glass. It dug into his fingers, leaving little bloodstains in it, but he didn’t care about the pain. Someone had taken away the last thing he had of his brother, and he had no idea who. He couldn’t even find and punish the person. Everything ached. His heart ached. He wanted Swift to hug him and tell him it would be okay, but Swift would never be able to do that again because he had been stolen away from him and he was never coming back.
He was in his room- his room, now, not his and Swift’s room when the door slowly opened. Nine spun his chair around to glare at whoever had entered and found a small blue hedgehog, only maybe an inch taller than Nine himself. Their eyes were a fiery crimson color, and they were shaking slightly as they looked at the small fox. His eyes softened slightly when he saw them. They looked like a tiny Swift with red eyes.
“H-Hello.” they whispered after a few seconds of silence. They were twitching slightly, looking at Nine with wide, curious eyes. They were… kind of adorable, but you didn’t hear that from Nine. Nothing was adorable to Nine. Not even oddly small blue hedgehogs with eyes the same color as his bully's blood. They seemed to be older than Nine, but probably not by much. Nine sighed and pushed his spinny chair back around to the computer before responding.
“Hello.” He said, his tails swishing. The room was filled with the sound of him typing as he wrote out a few more lines of code for his newest invention. He was trying to distract himself from the emptiness of the room by doing something he had always loved to do when Swift was alive. He still loved to do it, but something was missing. Swift used to lean over his shoulder and give him recommendations for what he should do next back when he was alive.
“I-I’m Dash. N-Nice to meet you.” he approached Nine, sticking his hand out for him to shake. He sighed and decided he would humor the kid while they were here, shaking his head. “You’re close to my age.” they commented, staring at him with their wide red eyes. They were slightly creepy. Nine thought that was cool. “If you’re close to my age, why are you allowed to fight when I’m not?”
Nine sighed and swallowed, trying to push the memories away. It had been only a week since Swift had died. Since he had learned he was never going to see his precious friend's face again. Everything hurt whenever he remembered it. Sometimes he still turned around and asked for Swift’s input on something he was doing before it suddenly hit him again that Swift was gone. “I shouldn’t have been allowed to fight, but I threatened to just go anyway which would’ve put me in more danger, so they decided it was the lesser of two evils.” I wish they had called my bluff. I thought I was protecting him for once. But I wasn’t, and now he’s gone, and it’s my fault.
Nine blinked away the tears. He couldn’t let himself cry. Not around somebody he barely knew. “Oh, okay. Well, I’ma good kid. I don’t threaten people, so, I guess I won’t be doing any fighting anytime soon.” his ears twitched, and a small smile came over Nine’s face. This kid should keep up that attitude of theirs, at least for a while. They didn’t need to fight any battles if they couldn’t even threaten anyone.
“Mind telling me what you want so that I can go back to work?” His voice came out more snappy than he had meant, but it didn’t really matter. He probably wouldn’t be talking to them much anyway. They were just a kid, no matter how much they looked like his old friend, and they said it themselves- they weren’t going to be involved in any battles. They weren’t a genius inventor like Nine. They weren’t strong like Knucks. They weren’t brave like Swift. They probably weren’t smart like Rebel. They were just a normal kid, who lived a normal life, despite living with the rebellion. They weren’t special, and they wouldn’t be important to Nine’s grand saga when he burned down the eggheads in Swift’s honor.
“U-Uhm… Well, you’re the only kid around my age here, s-so I thought that maybe… we could be friends?” they asked hesitantly, edging a little closer. He stared at the screen, reading over the text as he waited for Nine’s response. Friends? Nine narrowed his eyes. He didn’t need friends. He didn’t need anyone or anything except for revenge for Swift. Plus, they were so… ordinary. They couldn’t help him on his grand quest. They were a background character and were probably happy to fade into obscurity.
But still… unlike anyone else in the rebellion, they wouldn’t be involved in any battles. They were most likely one of the people who were least likely to die in this whole base. They were just a kid, but they would grow up, just like Nine. And they weren’t going to die… so maybe it would be okay to be friends with him, even if it was just for future emotional support if his other friends ever died. He didn’t want to think about that. He didn’t want to think about the fact that any of his remaining friends could die at any moment. He had already lost Swift. Wasn’t that enough loss for a five-year-old fox?
“...I don’t see why not.” is all he said. A smile split across the shy little boy's face, and he had to force himself to keep his face blank. Their eyes were alight with joy as he pumped his fists in the air. “Okay, wow. You’re really excited about the idea of being friends with me. You an admirer or something?” Nine furrowed his eyebrows, trying not to frown at the little boy. Why were they so excited at being friends with Nine of all people?
“I-I’m sorry.” they looked down, and Nine felt a little bit bad, despite the fact that he hadn’t meant anything bad by his comment. “It’s just- other than Rebel and Knucks, you’re my first friend, so…” he seemed a little dejected as if they were afraid of being turned around for being too enthusiastic. Nine’s eyes softened. He could understand that feeling. He could understand it all too well.
“What’s that look for?” he reached out and flicked the small hedgehog's nose as they shifted from foot to foot awkwardly, staring down at the ground. They looked up and met his gaze, their red eyes wide. A warm feeling bloomed in his chest- a type of fondness. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re just a little more enthusiastic than most people. I used to be that way, too actually.”
“Really?” his little voice was barely over a whisper as he stared at Nine. “you’re… like me?”
Nine couldn’t help but laugh a little at that. “I wouldn’t say that, exactly, but we once were similar in some ways, and then I changed into the person I am now. But I still do get excited over the smallest of things. I just never show it. I learned not to show any of my emotions while I was on the streets, so-” the kid was grinning again, pumping their hands up and down. Their eyes were sparkling at Nine.
“You lived on the streets? I used to live on the streets too after mama kicked me out and before Rebel found me and picked me up. I was only there for a month or so, though. You must’ve been there for so much longer. What was it like for you?” he seemed genuinely excited to hear about this as if it was something he was curious about. He took a step forward, his little paws balling into excited fists. “Was it scary?” he whispered loudly as if it was something to hide. “I thought it was scary.” they had one tooth missing, and they had small little glasses.
“Yeah, I did live on the streets, and it was scary. You lived on the streets too?” he asked, leaning a little closer as he watched Dash with a new kind of respect in his eyes. Maybe Dash wasn’t as ordinary as he had originally thought. They reached up and adjusted their glasses, smiling.
“Mhm! My parents kicked me out after I failed the test like my older brother did, when I was two. I was living in the forest for a long while, and that was really scary. A lot of things tried to eat me. And then they tore down the forest, and I really didn’t like that. It was really scary, I thought I was gonna die a hundred times. I saw that Swift guy helping them tear down the forest. I told Rebel that she was one of the people, but she said he wasn’t in control at the moment, which is confusing.” Nine couldn’t help but flinch. He didn’t need that reminder of his dead friend in a casual conversation. Dash didn’t notice, barreling on excitedly. “And then after that, I was on the streets, and it was even harder than living in the forest. I could barely find any food, and I ate something green because I was so hungry and I got really sick and then Rebel found me and took care of me.”
Nine looked up and blinked away the tears that had come to his eyes at the mention of Swift. He tapped his fingers on the desk, swallowing hard. “Ah. Seems as if it was scary.” His tails swished behind him. He kept the conversation short and sweet, so maybe he could end it sooner and go cry for a little bit.
“It really was, but sometimes I like scary. There’s a certain kind of beauty in it, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I know it’s beautiful.”
Nine smiled a tiny bit, looking at the small hedgehog child. Despite being older than him by 2-3 years, they were only maybe an inch taller. Maybe he did like them, but only a little bit. Most people didn’t like scary things, but Nine did. He could recognize the beauty in it.
If this kid noticed it too, well… maybe they could be good friends.
“...he promised me.” Nine lashed his tail. Dash blinked at him in confusion, tilting his head. It had been quiet for a while, just a comfortable silence. His eyebrows furrowed slightly in concern, and he reached out, his paw brushing over Nine’s own gently. Nine pulled his away.
“Who promised you? And promised you what?” Dash asked curiously, reaching up and adjusting his glasses. Nine glared down into his lap, sitting criss-cross apple sauce on the floor. He balled his paws into tiny little fists and pushed them against his legs. His eyes felt like they were burning as he tried to keep his tears back.
“Swift. He promised me he wasn’t going to die, but then he did.” He hissed out, lashing his tails. His ears were pinned to his head, and he was trying to give the appearance of being angry instead of sad so that maybe he would feel angry instead of sad. It was better to be angry because then he could get up and do something about it instead of just sitting there wallowing in his misery. “He died and he left me here alone.”
“Well,” Dash said slowly, after a tiny pause. “I’m glad that you’re still here.” he gave Nine a tiny little smile. “I would rather you be here than him. I know I don’t really have a reason, but… Swift kinda scared me.” his voice turned into a barely-there mumble at the end. Nine turned his head toward the other kid. “It’s just… every time I looked at him, I remembered the forest being torn down because he helped do that, whether or not he was in control at the moment. I know it’s stupid.” Dash looked away.
“I understand how you feel. It’s not stupid, and you’re completely entitled to feel that way, even if most don’t share those feelings, including me.” Nine said, his tail gently swishing as he watched the other kid. “You, just like everyone else who was alive during that time, are traumatized from what Mr. Dr. Eggman made him do. You have every right to be scared of him because of that, even though it wasn’t his fault.” Nine could understand that now. Originally, he had hated the way people looked at Swift, because Swift was a good person. But if he imagined seeing Swift doing all the things he had been forced to do… well, safe to say he would’ve been terrified of him too. He can’t help but feel guilty for thinking that. Nine was one of the first people Swift had truly trusted. He couldn’t just think things like that. What would Swift have thought, if he knew he was thinking about that?
“Really?” he turned towards him. “Most people who liked him and talked to him and stuff usually tell me that I should’ve just gotten over it already and became his friend instead of hiding from him all the time because he wasn’t the same person he was back then.” Dash seemed surprised that Nine wasn’t getting angry with him, his eyes wide.
“Well, he wasn’t the same person he was back then.” he shrugged. “I mean, the chaos council literally reprogrammed his brain and turned him into nothing but a killing machine. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be scared. You can’t control your emotions, Dash. Nobody can really do that. If you ever feel uncomfortable around someone, you shouldn’t be forced to be around them just because they’re not the same person they were when they did what they did.”
Dash hugged him suddenly, smiling at him warmly. Nine jolted and almost pushed the other kid away before he slowly allowed himself to relax when he realized he wasn’t trying to harm him. “...Thank you, Nine.” Dash whispered quietly. “I’m glad somebody understands that I didn’t hate him while he was alive, I was just afraid of him.”
Nine understood that. He understood that better than anyone, though Swift was the only soul he would ever tell why.