Archive of Our Own

Lanterns rise lethargically to the open air, on steady warm breezes, bright warm prinpicks alighting the sky until it looks like a glittering sea. 

Soft clouds parting like a reverent crowd. 

The awe and bittersweet feeling that followed the lanterns was the same as the first time Madame Ping had seen them, rising over the guili plaines that first time, she had seen the flowers bend and sway, everything a magnificent gold— like the celestial lands peaking through and granting bitter solstice. 

She and Cloud Retainer had sat beneath the bejeweled sky, on the wreckage of lost love and sorrow and the strings Madame Ping had played where like those holding her heart, wrecked and wretched. Breaking and shredding. 

“My name, it’s Guizhong!” The woman had childish eyes, a spark in them that signified intellect and ambition, her smile was wide and soft, hair a soft cloudy gray, dapples of blue in certain lights. Ping’s first analyses of her had been trepidation. At the heavy silence she had pushed again, taking a step forward. “What’s yours?” 

“Ping.” Definitive and sharp, the being in front of her was not cowed however, if anything she lit up. 

“It’s nice to meet you!” Ping had curled her lip at the childishness at first. The last thing she needed was an alliance with a youthful pushover. “Is that a zither!?” Guizhong reached out presumably to touch the instrument slung across her back and Ping quickly stepped back. “Do you know how to play!?” 

“Yes. What other reason would I carry it if I could not?” She shifted to the left attempting to avoid Guizhong’s hands 

“Ahhh! That’s so cool!” Guizhong hopped forward again and Ping leapt back, landing gracefully a foot or two away. 

Guizhong knit her fingers together holding them near her lips in prayer “Please, please, can you play for me?” 

It did not seem as though Guizhong would stop, her childish appearance was accented by the pout she was wearing and the large pleading eyes the wind caught in her hair lifting it like loose silk curtains and her eyes caught the light of the rising sun. 

For a moment, breath left Ping. 

“I will if you stay back.” She stated firmly, quickly looking elsewhere. Guizhong plopped to the ground right where she stood, careless of the dirt and dust surrounding her overly large sleeves, a pool around her leaning forward in excited anticipation. 

Ping swung her zither forward, settling down on the ground far more gently than the one across her, laying it across her lap and setting her hands across the strings. 

Everything was quiet, even the birds ceased in their singing, the wind died down just as suddenly as it had come and the sun shown warm and gentle on her neck. 

It was easy playing the zither. It was an instrument, an outlet for the soul and she never planned or read notes while she played. When she was learning she had, but now she was a master of the tool in front of her, the release to what she so often kept within her. 

It was different with an audience. Different with the bright steel blue eyes locked onto her that she could feel and she would never admit to feeling nervous at this age— she had been a vain and beautiful youth— but she most certainly was. 

The first note, feeding from her as it always did, was a startled halting half note that cut off too high and trilled like an unruly rooster. Her hands shook with a deep shame, she had of course played in front of others before- not often but enough to know that she was capable. Her cheeks flushing a rosy burning shameful pink, she reminded herself she did not care what Guizhong thought. 

She placed her hands on the strings again, grateful that Guizhong hadn’t said anything at the sudden horrid note and long silence following. She raised her head, looking skyward before letting her gaze trail to the woman seated a few feet in front of her, respecting her space as she had asked, and suddenly without preamble she realized that she wouldn’t mind if Guizhong were a bit closer. 

Her fingers found the strings. 

Generally she played torrential music, fingers flying through the strings like an oncoming storm, all the anger, the passion the hate and adoration she held within her unleashed itself, spilling from the tight cage she confined it to, she wasn’t one to show emotions, her poise was something she prided herself in but the music offered respite for what her soul craved to howl and shout and the music unleashed it in harmonious tones. 

Instead one of the most beautiful songs she had ever played met her fingers; it was soft, delicate  like an easy bruising flower, waving in the soft, mild wind, it sounded like a beautiful day, like clouds and dust where kissing her fingertips spreading warmth through her until she found her fingers moving readily already knowing the next strings, just the tips of her fingers brushing over them as they sung to her beck and call. 

She felt… warm, like she was cradling a small spark in her hands, a spark that danced through her fingers letting her find the next keys and the next and as she struck the last chord she gazed up even as the string still shivered, Guizhong’s eyes were wide, lips parted slightly the color of a sunset, hands buried in cloth as if she endeavored to hold the very sounds close to her, leaning forward like the very music called her in. 

The last string died down leaving a stirring tension that even the talkative Guizhong cared not to break. 

Ping let out a shaky breath, not quite understanding the fragile warmth she felt. 

“You’re amazing.” Guizhong had no embarrassment, she spoke breathily as if she was recovering from a blow yet she was open wide, unmysterious and lovely with her emotions in a way Ping could never be. The unrepentant compliment made something curl in her chest twisting like she was ill. 

“The start could use some improvement.” 

“I thought it was beautiful, even at the beginning, like testing the water.” 

“Testing the water?” 

“You put your feet in before you dive in, don't you?” Guizhong reasoned. 

“Still, it will need some revision.” Ping ws unused to this level of compliments, unceasing and genuine, she found herself looking for some trick in her words, no one had ever complimented or defended a mistake of hers in such a way, because the beginning had been a mistake— the rest of course had been… shockingly beautiful that she found herself almost afraid that she would never be capable of playing such a thing again. 

“I think it’s perfect.” 

“That is a hasty word to use in such a context.” 

“I’d like to hear you play again.” Guizhong’s eyes were unrelenting, stubborn. “May I travel with you?” 

Ping had never had steadfast travel companions, had never met one such as Guizhong. Someone who saw through her blustering uptight edges, higher than the peaks of the mountains and endeavored to bring them all to dust. 

“I cannot control your actions, regardless of my own preferences.” That was what had Guizhong quiet, and then almost meek pulling at one long strand of hair: 

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” 

Something within Ping burned a little brighter. “You could hardly harm a fly , let alone me.” The brilliant smile was one Ping would never forget. 

That had been the first step to Ping’s ever changing life, what had once been subjugated monotony was now full of color and life, trekking the mountains in the silence and cold was no more, a spirited companion waving away the clouds with her billowing sleeves. 

Time passed and Ping still found herself awed by the strange whimsical lord of Dust (a strangely fitting title) she had procured. 

She wouldn’t say she had been lonely before, but the company of the goddess soothed something in her, sometimes she feared when she’d look away the woman would vanish just as quickly and suddenly as she had appeared. 

Most left, but Guizhong never did. 

When the archon wars began Ping regained her spear, no longer carrying her zither with her as often, Guizhong, in the dark of the night ran her fingers through Ping’s hair, ridged from the braids she wore them in so often and soothing the knots. “I am afraid.” She had admitted, voice soft, as if she wanted it to disappear and take her fear with it. Ping didn’t acknowledge that, it would take acknowledging her own fear and she was not yet ready to admit to that. “I know you are too, and that is okay, the world has changed into something that burns and hurts, it’s different from the peace we let ourselves get used to.” 

“Foolishly.” Ping mourned. “Neither of us will last long against a serious foe.” Both needed too much preparation, their danger and skill came from logic and technology, math and inventions that they would need a time and stable location to finish and make. 

“You always underestimate yourself.” Guizhong reprimanded “You’re so strong Ping, and everyone sees it but you.” 

“Leave it be.” Ping had, had such conversations with Guizhong more often than not, a repetitive endless circle because Ping never cared to talk of such things and Guizhong believed it important to. 

“You aren’t alone anymore, you can trust me.” Guizhong placed a gentle hand on hers, Ping stiffened but didn't move, Guizhong had calluses on her fingers and dirtied nails, but they were still soft and warm. “I’ll fix this Ping.” 

“How?” There had been no answer and when Ping woke Guizhong was gone. 

Ping had been wrought with a heavy panicked anger, of course Guizhong had left, some part of her clamored, she had pushed her away as she was so talented with doing. She had liked the company of loneliness over that of the sun and she felt deep burning regret and self loathing intermingled with the chiding knowledge that she should have never gotten so comfortable with the presence of Guizhong because now it felt as if she had lost a limb. 

“Ping!” Immediately all the clamoring doubt dried and Ping twisted around, faster than proper, more desperate than the pride within her cared to admit. 

Guizhong waved, smiling bright and large, stress that had settled around her eyes alleviated, next to her stood a man easily twice as tall, hair a dark mahogany and a passive yet steel glint in a yellowed eye. Even before she saw the scaled armor resting on his shoulders spreading out into a magnificent tea brown and lined yellow billowing cloak that must weigh its weight in gold she knew what this creature was. Knew this creature, the progenitor of the adepti; had met him in different shape or form or time and although it wasn’t clear she knew that the one in front of her… was…

“Guizhong- get back!” She shouted alarmed, Guizhong didn’t, she laced her hand around the mans dragging him forward, (in a manner of speaking of course, one of his stride where two of hers) the mans proud horns cut across the early mourning sky, ombré starting like the darkest bark of a tree and spiraling to the softest yellow. 

“This is Rex Lapis!” Shit, she knew that. And Guizhong had no right saying that name with such harmless unconcerned joy. “He’s going to help us!” A stone dumbbell was held in Rex Lapis’s other hand and something clicked. 

“Guizhong…” 

“He honors his contracts.” Guizhong comforted seriously “and he’s pretty nice actually! I’ve told him a lot about you! He’s funny.” 

“An opinion that only you keep.” Was the dry answer from the man standing next to her. Guizhong giggled, raising her sleeve over her mouth. 

“See!” 

Ping clutched the spear between her hands so tight she envisioned it cracking, eyes now locked with Rex lapis himself, if he really did ally himself with them it could fix all of their dilemmas, however if this was a trick he could obliterate them in mere moments while their backs were turned. 

“I hear you are a talented musician.” Rex Lapis had a steady tone, little to no inflection which made Pings unease grow. “Not many have the talent to follow both the path of music and war.” 

“He’s impressed.” Guizhong clarified. 

“I am impressed.” Rex Lapis reaffirmed. 

Ping felt as though she could laugh, a mixture of hysteria and horror. How did Guizhong have such a talent, she set her spear down carefully, eyes never leaving vibrant yellow. “I am Ping.” She assumed he knew, even as her memories slipped like wet silks away from her grasp. 

“It seems as if you already know me.” Ping tried not to interpret a threat in his tone, she herself was one who kept her emotions behind locked doors but as a musician she still held certain harmony with her words, her voice still rose when she was angry and sputtered down when she was sad. She shoved away the dramatics but still very much so had the emotional width of expression, just slightly dampened for the sake of her proper composure. Rex Lapis had no such expression. The only thing that revealed him truly as a sentient being with emotions were his eyes which sparked with— could it be? Amusement. 

He was undoubtedly dangerous but in this moment hand wrapped around Guizhong, a soft amusement in his eyes perhaps he was a dragon of the myths, protecting those who were worthy, and if anyone was worthy it would certainly be Guizhong. 

“I have heard much about you.” She raised her chin. “I think you will be helpful to us.” 

“I endeavor to be.” 

And he had been, with Rex Lapis’s help they had been able to settle, a place to stay and keep notes and materials, plans for weapons and sieges, with Rex Lapis came more aid, Cloud Retainer a prominent one, a brilliant mind to combat Guizhong’s, they had a rivalry of sorts— it was single sided, the sharp eye’d bespectacled Cloud Retainer was clearly jealous, both of Guizhongs talent and of Rex Lapis’s care for her, she was prideful but cared, truly in a way that Ping distantly admired. 

The Guili assembly was formed around Guizhong. And as the years past Ping found herself no longer alone, at any moment or time. 

“I want to help the humans.” Was the first argument Guizhong had truly started with Rex Lapis, the man had curled his lip just the slightest but even that showed his immense displeasure. 

“Why?” Ping raised an eyebrow at the question. 

“They need our help, and Guizhong can never say no to someone who needs it.” Her tone had the heavy undertones of obviousness. 

“Guizhong.” He pleaded. “Their lives are fleeting, only a bright moment like a candle before it burns to the ground.” 

“And it’s a beautiful fleeting thing, that needs to be cherished and helped, they're scared and we have the tools and knowledge to help them!” 

“I cannot stop you.” Rex Lapis had acquiesced, although in reality he truly could. Ping understood what he meant, it was nearly impossible to say no to the woman, already the joy on her face was infectious, she turned to Ping throwing her arms around her laughing joyfully 

“See! I told you we could convince him!” 

“I never doubted you.” Ping made eye contact with Rex Lapis, his head tilted at her small smile to him. He didn’t understand, Ping had been where he was, a self imposed isolation whether it be fear holding him back or perhaps a lack of understanding in what he was feeling, it had taken a while for the confusing mess of emotions Ping had felt to be sorted out but Guizhong had helped her every step of the way, patient and so very caring. 

“Oh! Oh! Did you know they have this beautiful thing called marriage?” Guizhong twisted to the both of them, animated and gleeful. 

Ping was vaguely aware of the concept, she was also interested in the mortals and their world, she always had been. “Only the slightest bit.” Ping admitted Guizhong never mocked the lack of knowledge, instead she grew excited because she could explain it. (Even when Ping did know something she’d often neglect to mention her knowledge of it so she could see Guizhongs animated retellings) 

“I have heard nothing.” Rex Lapis unsurprisingly revealed. He had no direct ill will towards mortals but he didn’t hold the same fascination Ping held nor the care and intrigue that Guizhong did. However he didn’t have the innate hostility Cloud Retainer managed (although Guizhong had shared a feeling that it was yet again Cloud Retainers faux aloof attitude “she’s possibly the most caring of us all”) 

it was centuries later that that fact would be proven. 

Cloud Retainer, as if she had sensed Ping's thoughts of her, walked closer to the group. 

“Marriage is very very romantic! It’s when the humans pledge to be with one another in union and to care and provide for each other for the rest of their days, They usually trade gifts before to seal their pledge!” 

Ping smiled slightly, a pledge to stay together and aid and support each other… It sounded nice. 

“…are we married?” Rex Lapis broke the silence, confusion evident in his voice. “By definition is that not what we as a group have pledged?”

“What.” Cloud Retainer input shock was clear in her voice. “You, Guizhong, Ping and I?” 

“Yes.” Rex Lapis furrowed his brows slightly : “we have pledged and agreed to ally and be with each other, to support and aid one another and I have traded gifts with  all of you: a dumbbell from Guizhong, a sword from Ping-“ that had been a throw away frustration gift but Rex Lapis had taken a strange liking to it so Ping had declined from correcting his assumption that it was a gift from her. “And books from Cloud Retainer.” He paused. “Several books.” 

Cloud Retainer and Rex Lapis liked to read together, Cloud Retainer usually read things on science and designs, theorems and puzzles whilst Rex Lapis had a taste for philosophy, battle tactics and lore, he also enjoyed reading maps which is something Ping never quite understood. 

Generally Rex Lapis read with cloud Retainer, he planned and played battle tactic games with Guizhong, they were even only in the fact that Rex Lapis himself had experience on the battlefield itself although Guizhong herself was a tactical genius. Ping would often see them in some early morning light hunched over an impromptu made board that neither deigned to replace,  pensive and congratulatory whenever the other won. 

Rex Lapis and Ping had the least close relationship. Perhaps in some way it was because she still had a caution towards him, a hesitance. She didn’t like knowing that there was one amongst them who could so easily crush them in his hands. Mainly he would offer her tea and depart, occasionally he would stay, say something cryptic before finding one of the other two or maybe the other Adepti.   

“Doesn’t marriage imply love?” Ping reasoned. Romance generally implied love and Guizhong had used the word to describe it. 

“Well. I can’t speak for the rest of you but.” Guizhong reached a hand out, lacing it in Rex Lapis's. She looked humored like she knew something he didn’t, she probably did. “I love all of you.” Her eyes were on Ping when she spoke, nudging Cloud Retainer with her shoulder and beckoning Ping closer. “You are all important to me and these last years have been… they’ve been amazing somehow, even with everything going on around us.” 

Cloud Retainer faced skyward briefly, a shaky breath escaping her before pressing closer to Guizhong.

It sounded remarkably like friendship- close friendship- but greedily, horribly she wanted more and something in her soured at being lumped in with the same as Rex Lapis and Cloud retainer—

She turned, letting out a huff. She needed space so she could clear and purge herself of these stray irritating, horrid thoughts Guizhong looked confused “I’ll see you tomorrow. We should visit the mortals then.” 

“Okay!” Guizhong still looked concerned but she allowed Ping her space. She always allowed Ping her space. And Ping hated the fact that at this moment she didn’t like it, and wanted Guizhong to chase after her. Ridiculously so. Stay . Ping reasoned she had to stay because people wouldn’t chase her, she wasn’t worth that. 

“Ping.” It was not the voice she had wanted to hear but it was a voice. Rex Lapis easily caught her stride before slowing she stopped startled. 

“Rex Lapis.” She retorted, not even hiding her surprise. His eyes shimmered with their subtle amusements. Sometimes Ping wondered if either Cloud Retainer Or Guizhong realized how knowledgeable this man was and how much of his obliviousness was genuine humor. Then again maybe she was the oblivious one making up mere shifts in his eyes to mean something more. 

“Will you follow me for a moment?” 

“…I would like some alone time.” She declined crisply Rex Lapis shook his head.

“Please.” He beseeched. “This will only take a moment.”  And perhaps it was because even she was not cruel enough (or stupid enough) to decline the pleading dragon that she agreed. 

Following his wide strides as he led her to his place of rest.

They all lived near the same area, their individual areas of privacy sprawled around in no particular order nor reason, Cloud Retainer had the largest and grandest abode— she liked the sky, and was willing to share her domain with those closest to her (the others she chased away with a few sharp words in deep cuts). Rex Lapis’s place was at the foot of the mountain, a spiraling open cave with Stalagmites protruding in sharp glittering edges, from the outside it looked like a ferocious beast with its maws stretched open, threatening to devour all who entered. Rex Lapis strode inside easily, navigating the winding twisted rocks with ease and familiarity, shoulders falling back as he entered a less unknown territory and the comforting balm of a place one knows well. 

It was warm inside, stone shelves and candles, wax dripped everywhere like sealant and heaps of cloth swamping the walls and the ground. Books crammed onto shelves and little knickknacks, clay figurines, half dead flowers and coil, a small rounded piece of velvet and a ribbon, the same color as Guizhongs. Tied to the wall was the sword she had given him, it was unrusted and gleamed. She glanced around it was messier than Ping had assumed the unmoving Rex Lapis’s abode would be. 

“…this is different than I was expecting.” 

“Ah.” He nodded slightly in agreement. “I am unused to having a singular place in which I stay.” 

“You’re not used to having a home.” Her voice pitched a bit too close to understanding but she felt instant relief when he nodded. 

“I traveled often.” He said in a way of explanation. 

“It makes sense there’s so much stuff, an old dragon like you— it makes sense you’d hoard a bit.” Rex Lapis huffed, an almost laugh he lit the candles nearest to him the light casting amber shadows on shimmering walls, they sparkled like the rocks had grains of magic imbued in them which they glowed with. 

“That is not the reason I’ve brought you here, nonetheless I thank you for the input however…” he trailed off, stepping forward and then pointing. In the corner wrapped in cloths and furs lay a little… adepti. 

“…what is that?” 

“I’ve named him Xiao.” At her scathing glare his voice grows quieter “when I was fighting I took his master's life, his master was cruel, awful to him— made him eat dreams and prey upon them.” His fist clenches and a flicker of something dark and haunted lights his eyes inwards like the candles surrounding them. “I took him with me. I freed him and gave him name but he is…” 

“Young.” Ping sighed, she wondered if Rex Lapis had ever been young, he was older than they. The rage echoed in his eyes seemed almost personal- she had never seen him angry, not visibly but in the comfort of his home— his first home it seems— the rage was clear. 

“I am sorry.” Rex Lapis’s voice was just loud enough to be heard but quiet so that it did not echo around. “I could not leave him. I do not know what to do.” 

Ping looked at the sleeping child, he looked young but that of course didn’t reflect one's true age, especially if they where an adepti, appearance could be altered with ease— still Rex Lapis often knew what he was talking about and if he knew this one was young— he was probably correct. 

Xiao’s face was cushioned by a soft fleece, a royal purple cloth wrapped around him and tucked at the sides. It didn’t take long for Ping to come to the realization that Rex Lapis had tucked this child into bed. 

“Be kind to him.” Ping answered, staring at the child, he was probably lonely, she realized, probably in a situation similar to hers— in a world that was confusing and hostile where everyone around her sought to get and gain something from her, to use and betray and lie and lie and lie until she didn’t trust the own expressions on her face… until Guizhong swept down like the earnest benevolent goddess she was and told her she was amazing. 

Ping knew, how far genuine kindness could go— in spite of all that wanted to end and corrupt it she knew it was something magical and rare and breathtaking to see, she knew that the sleeping child, tucked in so gently by an adepti who’d never had a home but had readily let him into his, would be just as entranced by the kindness as she had been. 

“I-“ and Rex Lapis faltered, the ever steady mountain quaked. “I do not know-“ he paused “and how would I-“ drawing up to his full height the red under his eyes seemed more like tiredness than like paint. “I am not.” 

And it was this moment—these entire striking moments, of Rex Lapis chasing her retreating figure and leading her here where his proof of humanity— where his proof of kindness resided, that made Ping confident in the chuckle that escaped her, the littered shelves overstuffed with books, the sword she had given him cherished, a ribbon rolled neatly and with adoration, and the rage and care he had exhibited for the child sleeping in his very bed, because he had no other place to be. 

“You are.” Ping realized “You’re kind Rex Lapis.” It felt surreal to say, it was something she doubted, something she feared, she had always wondered why Guizhong had gone to Rex Lapis, why he was the indomitable brawn to their brains, there where other choices with less bloodied pasts and fists, ones who where more known for kindness and lenience. 

Ping wonders if Guizhong had seen the kindness he had, halting and brash, easy to him- as breathing that he hadn’t even realized it was such. 

Like giving her tea everyday, both hands in front of him in a sort of supplication of harmlessness because even now he had picked up on her unease and just as easily tried to remedy it. 

“You’ll make me blush, Ping.” His voice was dry and he was decidedly not blushing. That would be a strange day, the day Rex Lapis blushed. 

“You’ll do okay, with Xiao.” Ping gave him a smile, a real one, it felt like a relief, her epiphany that Rex Lapis was too kind to betray them, cared too much for them that it was carved into his very home. “Guizhong, Cloud Retainer and I will help, if you need.” 

“Right. Like marriage.” Ping snorted, it was an ugly inelegant sound that she would have immediately been ashamed of in any other situation, but in the dark flickering candle light she pinked only slightly. When she met his eyes again she realized with a jolt that he was smiling too, it was small and fit awkwardly across his face but it was humored and there. 

“Hold on.” She blurted. “You knew about marriage.” The smile twitched upward a bit more. “You were joking .” 

“No, no, no.” Rex Lapis denies even as the slightly crooked tilt of his lips gave him away. “The mortal concept of marriage is quite similar to our pact and allyship.”  

“You knew it entailed romance.” 

“Perhaps.” Was the lofty response. 

Ping had not expected to trust Rex lapis, meet a young Adepti that they would soon raise, smile, snort and laugh while finding out that all her theories of his humor were true. She hadn’t expected any of this. 

“My name, it’s Guizhong.” Had started it all. 

———

“Are you up for joining us at Cloud Retainer’s?” Guizhong questioned, a smear of dark oil below her right eye, hands also dirtied, the bell she had begun on the work table before her, pages and pages of neatly inked notes and theorems of the process she was beginning. 

They had a clash in their belief in music, Guizhong seemed to believe it was something her machines could replicate, that she could make a melody  just as well with something that had no natural life. 

Ping obviously disagreed. Music was for the soul, emotions, a sound called from spirit, not an empty shell with wires and gears. The zither in front of Ping made a displeased note as her finger struck it suddenly as if to vocalize her displeasure. 

“I’m busy.” 

“Ping.” Guizhong pleaded, she looked beautiful, she sounded pleading. 

“No. Guizhong.” 

“I know you’re upset but we miss you.” 

“The same cannot be said for me.” Guizhongs brows furrowed. 

“Ouch.” 

Cloud retainer often invited them to dine with her, she had claimed the territory up on the mountains peak, cutting through the soft clouds it was always a mix of warm and cold, a stone table with their names, signatures— carved into them where they each sat, it was always; Cloud Retainer, Guizhong, sometimes Zhongli and he occasionally brought Xiao and the rest of his Yaksha, and Ping had often frequented before her arguments with Guizhong. 

The horrid bell wasn’t the only thing to come between them, but Ping’s own jealousy that she refused to acknowledge, had become bitter and poignant and she hated herself for such feelings. Perhaps her deep disdain for what Guizhong was attempting to make was amplified only by the fact that she could never have Guizhong the way she wished to. 

She did not want some bell playing a melody and having Guizhongs awe— her amazement . 

“You’re always welcome to join, Ping.” Guizhong’s voice was soft, like she was consoling someone— she often did that with the children in her small territory of humans that she established— the Guili planes. 

Her kingdom too had taken more of Guizhongs love. Guizhong loved and cared for her people, tended to them with a careful and steady hand— taught them to plant things in the ground, to build cities and machines, to cure the ill and love one another. 

Oftentimes when one couldn’t find Guizhong she was there, regaling the children with epic stories of heroism and friendship— of love and found family. Children sat across her lap and leaned on her arms easily and leisurely, reaching for her touch and her warmth with the egocentrism of all young. 

“I’m sorry Guizhong. Not today.” Maybe it was the strain in her voice, the exhaustion and the loathing but two hands found their way to her shoulders, gentle and caring. 

“I love you.” Guizhong whispered gently into her ear, brushing a strand of her hair away. “Please take a break sometime soon. Even when we fight I worry.” 

Ping hated that she couldn’t enjoy Guizhongs love- knowing it belonged to all those in the Guili assembly and all her people down below, even the wicked and misguided. 

“I’ll take a break when I’m done.” She snapped and Guizhong gave her shoulders one last squeeze before leaving their workshop, bell cleverly taken with her. 

It was an hour later, when the workshop rattled like a coming storm and Cloud Retainer stormed in, face a fury. 

“You do not want to eat with us?” She hissed in anxious offense, heartbroken rage and genuine confusion. The glasses on her face were askew, probably indicating she had flown down here simply to yell at Ping. “I know you are upset over Guizhong but it is just a bell!” 

“It’s not though!” Ping stood up. “You don’t understand.” 

“Maybe I would if you deigned me important enough to tell, but no-you do not trust me as you trust them.” She almost seemed hurt, she was a cold and composed woman, with bouts of temper and arrogance but she was far from careless. Sometimes it was too easy to forget until one stepped too far and hurt the bleeding heart. 

“It isn’t about trust, I made a deal with you too, I trust you— Cloud Retainer, like I am trusting you now— it’s about more than the bell.” 

“Then what!? What is it about?” 

“It’s not your business.” 

“We are all a group we have pledged-“ 

“This isn’t about the pledge, the pledge doesn’t matter, the deal doesn’t matter.” Ping threw her arms up rambling, how could Cloud Retainer think it would be something so… so… arbitrary. 

“Then what is it?” 

“I told you—“ 

“I want it to be my business.” 

“You can’t just decide that.” 

“What. Is this about?” 

“It’s about Guizhong!” The words were ripped from her throat as if by force as if Cloud retainer had forced them from her. They sounded agonized. “It’s about Guizhong. It’s all just about her .” Cloud Retainer took a step back, eyes wide and sympathetic. 

“You love her. Don’t you?” 

“I don’t know!” Ping cried, “I want to be near her and see her, she dragged me out of my own hell I created and she’s always been by me— I never want her to leave and I never will leave her, willingly at least— when she smiles especially big it looks like she’s planning something, scheming- but she’s not.” Ping doesn’t know why she’s rambling, Cloud retainer already knows this about her friend, everyone has seen her large scheming smile and talked about it— it’s gotten to the point where Guizhong will cover her face with her sleeves whenever she smiles just so they won’t tease her and every one of them have pushed those hands down immediately reassuring her that they would not change it for the world. “I was alone, I was so alone god I was pathetic. I thought I was composed I-I thought I could handle myself but I Was wrong because what I was doing was barely keeping my head above the water as I slowly drowned and Guizhong was the one to pull me out. She pulled me out with a smile and love and our first meeting she told me I was amazing and she meant it, she meant every word.” Tears are welling up in Ping's eyes and she’s never felt more pathetic than now. 

“I didn’t believe in myself, I didn’t believe in anyone, any cause, any person not even the blood that flowed through my veins because kindness like that, it’s so rare.” Ping wipes at her eyes furiously, Cloud retainer steps closer “I thought she wasn’t real at first, I kept expecting to turn around and see that she’d vanished. That she was nothing more than a desperate figment of a lonely crazed woman’s imagination. But she was real and she liked me. She picked me to travel with, stayed by my side and made stupid jokes to see my smile and call it beautiful.” Ping brought her arms up to shield her face. She was red and crying and her voice hitched and bobbed. 

“She made me believe in things again, in the world, in the earth, in her and in myself. And whenever I- I falter or I lose my step, she understands— she’s always there and I’m so afraid that that will change.” 

Cloud retainer takes her wrists and pulls them down from her face, Ping knows her eyes must be puffy and red, tears still leaking from them, Cloud retainer looks gentle, the harsh lines of her face are softened with sympathy and understanding. 

Here they are the most scornful and sharp— unrecognizable in this moment. 

“Is that how you feel about her?” Cloud Retainer asks and Ping remembers her earlier question. 

Did she love Guizhong? 

The answer was so complex because it was more so that she knew she would be in hell without her, that when Guizhong left she took the clingy, needy part of Ping with her and Ping was again only whole when Guizhong returned. 

Was that love? 

What is love? What embodied it or made it? Was it a selfish thing? Or selfless? Was it both? Was it simple or complex? 

Every book had a different explanation, a different way that they saw love and its embodiment in people. People themselves had different ways of describing it. Different ideologies. 

“-I” Ping rasped, eyes on Cloud retainer, patient, caring no judgment in her eyes, the aloofness she often held herself with vanished. “I think I love her.” She choked and spit out the words and cried, Cloud retainer brought her close into a warm embrace and Ping cried, shielded from the world in this woman’s arms. 

When she’d cried for who knows how long she pulled away, eyes dried and aching. “I’m sorry-“ Ping felt humiliated. Cloud retainer scoffed. 

“Don’t be. I know exactly how you feel.” She rolled her eyes. “It can be hard, I know, but I- I’m glad you felt comfortable telling me.” Ping nodded, still embarrassed. 

“I’m a horrible person.” She groaned. “I find out I love someone and I avoid them, she probably thinks I hate her.” 

“If there’s one thing I know about Guizhong it’s that she has so much faith in people, she knows you are better than that.” Cloud Retainers comfort was strange, but welcome, she managed to break down something so unbearably complex into a few simple words. 

“I should apologize.” 

“She’s not a bad choice for someone to love.” It was sudden, an interruption, a pensive look on the woman’s face. “Loathe as I am to admit it, she’s the most talented person in technology I know and she always seeks to make people happy… she has quite the gift for it.” 

“Is it horrible that I want her to crave me as I love her?” 

Cloud retainer tutted, in gentle chiding. “We aren’t food, Ping, we do not crave one another or succumb ourselves to simple lust…” 

“It’s not that.” Ping quickly corrected. “I just want her to love me, even half as much as I do her.” 

“She probably loves you more than that already.” Cloud retainer’s voice was wistful. “Both you and Rex lapis are enchanted by this woman, never understanding that her love is ceaseless, she can love you Ping, she does. Love is not something that will go thin when spread out— specifically for her, it’s something that is easy and boundless… like the notes of a song.” 

“…the notes of a song.” That. That was her solution, rubbing her sore eyes she hugged Cloud retainer quickly and gently, she appreciated the woman caring enough to chase after her, to storm down the mountains and through her doors, and to stay steadfast even when Ping pushed her away, “I have an idea!” Already she was turning to her zither, excitement and ideas swirling through her head “yes, yes thank you Cloud Retainer!” 

“…of course. And Ping?” 

“Yes?” She turned hands already flexed, waiting over the strings, Cloud Retiener crossed her arms, almost defensively. 

“Please join us for a meal next time?” 

“I will. Thank you.” 

Cloud retainer smiled again,  a bit of relief in her face. She really was kind. Guizhong was right. She always was. 

Cloud retainer and Ping where the most alike out of the group— while, Cloud retainer used haughty ignorance to hide was she was feeling Ping used her natural grace and poise, they both deflected and shied from anything to hard— it seemed Cloud retainer had a similar background to Ping in the fact that they where both deeply lonely because of their own habits and no one had cared enough until Guizhong to draw them out. 

It was nice to see the trust in a simple moment such as this. 

When Cloud Retainer left Ping found the strings and remembered the moment she had first played this particular song— the first moment she had met Guizhong. It was still delicate and fragile, even in the darker room the sun streaming through the windows in cascades seemed to brighten as everything around her glowed with the magical eye of positivity, of playing something fragile yet steady— like the all pervading kindness that Guizhong had— again it reminded her of the rising sun. 

She looked at the dust caught in the sunlight glowing golden. 

Her fingers and soul remembered the tune, and just as it had been the first time the strings came to her fingers like gentle kisses and early mornings as dawn was swept away. 

When the song strummed to its final note— the last vibrating thrum like it was always on the cusp of something more… 

“That song is my favorite.” Guizhong stood at the doorway, billowing star filled sleeves, a glaze lily in her hands. The only one who had heard this song. Because it was hers— this song was Guizhong. 

“I made it for you.” It's an admission, Ping doesn’t know if Guizhong knew that. She probably didn’t based off of the surprise on her face. 

“Oh.” Guizhong steps closer carefully. “You created it right in front of me.”

“Yes.” 

“I’ve said it before… I said it then, but you really are amazing.” She steps close, the light halos the edges of her hair and just like the dust caught in the light it embraces her till she’s glowing in a basking light of soft gold. She’s ethereal and breathtaking and she raises her hands, tucking Ping’s hair behind her ear and placing the Glaze Lily she had with her there. “I came to apologize.” 

“What?” Ping immediately hissed. “You did nothing wrong!” 

“But I did.” Guizhong takes Pings hands clasping them between hers, she’s so warm. “I know how important music is to you and I… I know my views on it are important. I think I can make a melody with my bell, I need to know if it will work but… I’ll Agree that anything I make will never be as beautiful, as flawless and as loved as that song you wrote for me when we first met. That is the wonder of living beings.” 

“So you agree music made by humans and Adepti are significantly better than any mechanical monstrosity.” 

“I agree that your music is one in a billion.” Immediately Ping has run out of words, she wonders if Guizhong can see that her eyes are still puffy from tears. Ping doesn’t want to cry again, especially over anything so silly like a compliment. “You’re the one and only— I know some people think inventions will replace them— and I don’t know what you think -- this is all guesswork.” She laughs lightly. “But you’re irreplaceable.” 

“I’m sorry too.” Ping brings Guizhongs hands to her lips and places a light kiss across her knuckles. “You are dear to me.” 

“I know.” Guizhong smiled. “Even when you’re mad I could tell, you’re a kind person Ping.” 

“Only because I met you.”  

“No.” Guizhong waved her off. “You were jaded, yes, and it’s nice to see you more comfortable and happy but you were always kind.” 

“You know who's Jaded?” Ping snorts. “Rex lapis and Cloud Retainer.” 

“No!” Guizhong accepts her evasion. “Rex Lapis is just really… mild and Cloud Retainer is… okay yes I suppose she’s a bit jaded. But she’s warming up to us!” 

“You’ve really made us a little family.” Pings voice is slightly derisory but Guizhong takes no offense. Instead she nods, she smells like flowers and scorching sunlight, like grass and water— she must have come from Cloud Retainers abode. 

“It’s no less than we deserve!” Guizhong reaffirms. “I was lonely. Without you, without really anything.” It’s strange to hear that Guizhong of all people was lonely, perhaps loneliness is universal and touches everyone. “People thought I was up to something, they thought I was too loud— I made jokes at the wrong time, although— arguably it was the right time because if all people do is worry…” 

“You make me laugh.” 

“I know, and somehow It always makes me so happy when I do. To know I can.” She seems flustered, it reminds Ping of the moments that she would sit nearest Ping on the stone table Cloud retainer had, she’d be laughing, at something Ping said or something she said, loud beautiful giggles that filled the clearing with warmth, she’d reach across the small distance between them and place a hand on Ping’s knee and let it rest there a moment like she was trying to fill Ping with her delight, Cloud Retainer usually watched from across the table, halting in her reading and looking up from the book in her hand, eyebrow raised in both judgment and gentle affection, Rex Lapis, who sat at the other side of Guizhong sipped his tea with a deep look of contentment, Marchosius (God of The Stove) who had made the meal continually scooping more food onto everyone’s plates, Moon Carver rested his head in the shade nearby, looking up lazily at the loud noise only to blink fondly at them before returning to his slumber, Xiao had chosen to gift them with his company Boscasious next to him. 

When Guizhong realized everyone had stopped and looked when she laughed she had blushed, grown flustered and threw her face into her hands Sky Bracer who did not frequent them as often perched onto his seat, great antlers (his pride and joy- a gift from Rex Lapis) instructed that she best not think her laughter was anything to be ashamed of. Rallying the entire table to urgently reassure the woman who grew pinker and pinker with all of the attention and that’s when her hand found Ping’s under the table, seeking some anchor. Ping readily gave it, even leaning in to murmur gently into her ear that her laugh was beautiful, and it was not too often that you heard laughter during a war, that it sounded nice. 

“You have a gift.” Ping repeated Cloud retainers earlier words “you have a gift for making people happy.” 

“Do I make you happy?” It’s pressing, steel blues sharp and gorgeous, why is Guizhong so beautiful? Why is she perfect and lovely and kind, why is she everything that she is? It seems that Ping’s heartache will eat her alive. Simply; why!? 

“Yes.” She does, there is no other answer to give. “You make me very happy.” 

“Then… could you play that song you made for me again?” There’s a glaze lily in Ping's hair that Guizhong put there, there is warmth in her hands and forgiveness in her heart and Guizhong is asking her to do something she loves because Guizhong loves it too. 

“Of course.” Her hands find the stings, already knowing. 

———

No one had expected the war to turn as it had, but as Ping ran towards the flurry of desperate movement and colors she already felt the grief in the air. 

Morax grieved until the air around him popped and stretched thin, Ping watched Guizhong catch his hands as he pulled away, bringing him closer to her whispering words that he was not hearing, his eyes were far away, face Stoney.

“What happened?” Ping whispered, Cloud retainer stood next to her clenching her arms tightly, across her chest like she was hugging herself. 

“His Yaksha…” 

“Not Xiao-“ 

“No, Xiao’s fine.” Ping let out a breath of relief. “I do not know if this earth would still stand if it was Xiao.” There’s a wry undercurrent to her voice— she knows it too, they had all grown an attachment to the edgy young Adepti, with his awkward formality and adoration of Rex Lapis, he was loyal and steadfast. It was admirable. 

Still; one of Morax’s adepti has passed, someone who may have sat at their table at some point, was it Indarias? She had had a conversation with Ping at one point— it was about Bonanus (who Guizhong got along splendidly with, both where even tempered and kind, with laughs that seemed to bring light to the world) Indarias had turned to Ping who was watching the two talking amiably and said— with little prerequisite. 

“Aren’t they beautiful?” Indarias’s eyes were on Bonanus the water yaksha, Ping’s found Guizhong. 

“Yes.” 

“She makes me feel like I’m home. Same with you?” It was casual, Indarias clearly saw something in Ping that struck her as familiar, maybe it was both the hopeless love they had for their partners, a kind of impossible romance in times of war where romancing was hard and messy and often heartbreaking. 

“Who died?” Ping questioned. Cloud retainer turned to Mountain Carver questioningly, Mountain carver responded promptly 

“Bonanus.” 

Something empty settled in Ping, a distant aching sympathy. Someone who had understood her, had lost her chance in the worst of ways. Pulled from her too early. Ping couldn’t even imagine- didn’t want to imagine, slammed down on her wild stray thoughts instead focusing only on what had happened and not what could. 

She watched as Guizhong brought her forehead to Morax's. She was crying gently and she wrapped her arms around him gently, he let her, eyes still blasted with a distant shocking horror. 

Ping detested herself in this moment for feeling jealous, Morax was mourning and Guizhong was bringing him comfort—there was no room for useless possessiveness. 

She stepped closer anyways. 

“I’m sorry love.” Guizhong was whispering. Clumsily brushing back hair that stubbornly fell back onto Morax’s face. “I’m so sorry.” She brushed a hand under his eye even though he was not crying. “It’s not your fault, I know how you think— it’s not, no matter what, they chose to serve under you, you did not force them.” Morax pushed her away gently again but she kept her hands wrapped around his wrists “Do you hear me Morax?” 

“Yes.” He rasped. “But you’re wrong.” Simple words but Guizhong drew back at them looking like her heart was breaking. 

“Please” she begged, hands looking frail now as he pulled away, almost roughly. If one didn’t know his true strength or even the Lord of Dust’s they may assume it was even forceful, Ping saw it as it was— just enough force so that Guizhong would let him go. “Don’t leave!” She pleaded. Morax sent her a fleeting glance, but left anyway. 

Guizhong melted to the ground, hugging herself tightly, eyes wide and bubbling with tears. Immediately Ping and Cloud retainer rushed forward. 

“Guizhong!” Cloud retainer called concerned. One didn’t see the Lord of dust cry often. Ping had once this was only the second time. And Morax had caused it. “What’s wrong?” Cloud retainer continued as Ping wrapped her arms around the trembling crying goddess. Guizhong leaned into her, clutching at her with her hands. 

“He’s leaving .” Was the ripped hoarse mourning cry. “I-I know it’s hard-I loved Bonanus, and that’s so sad too!” More tears fell from her face and Cloud Retainer awkwardly offered Guizhong her sleeve, the goddess took it unhesitatingly. “But he left. That’s- that’s not supposed to happen.” 

Ping remembered that Guizhong had admitted she had been lonely, maybe this was the side they hadn’t yet seen. The one with striking abandonment issues, and naive to the fact that even her desperation was nothing against the steel trap of loss. 

“He’s coming back Guizhong…” Cloud Retainer stated although she didn’t sound entirely confident. “He just needs space, he’s grieving.” 

“Well I need him!” Cloud Retainer met Pings eyes and her face made something like an apology. Strangely Ping didn’t feel too harried, Guizhong needed all of them— that included Morax but it also included Ping and Cloud Retainer. 

“He will come back, Guizhong. Quit acting childish.” Ping's voice came out snappier than she intended, Cloud Retainer looked alarmed. “Remember? We swore a pledge, he honors contracts— he just needs space. We all do sometimes. Remember how when I ask you to give me a moment you do? Or when I ask you to go away you let me have a few days? That’s what he needs.” 

“But he didn’t say that.” Guizhong’s hands are shaking but she’s stopped crying. “He said he needs to go, he kept repeating that.” 

“He’s not the best communicator Guizhong, this is why we need you.” Cloud Retainers voice is still soothing, like she’s talking to a child, Guizhong breaths shakily. 

“That’s —no!” Her last word is a shout and it’s surprising to both of them. “You’re right! If he doesn’t come back, like- like—“ her voice dies down and Ping is left wondering who— what crazy horrible person would leave Guizhong and never come back. “If he doesn’t” she starts again “I will be mad! And I will find him and drag him back.” 

“And we’ll all help you.” Ping reaffirms. “We’re still here and I know Morax will come back whether he wants to or not.” 

“Do you want Marchosius to make you something to eat? He was worried earlier.” Cloud Retainer straightens presumably to get Marchosius anyways. 

“Everything he makes is good.” Guizhong replies in way of agreement. Cloud Retainer nods and stands. 

“Anything for you?” 

“Whatever Marchosius decides, he has good judgment.” When Cloud retainer walks away Ping turns to Guizhong, still clutching to the fabrics of Ping’s sleeves. “I’m sorry I snapped, I don’t like seeing you sad.” 

“You were right though.” Guizhong looks self deprecating. “It is childish to think everyone will stay— part of me, some awful part of me is mad that Bonanus died.” Tears rise again to her eyes. “I am an awful person— who gets mad when someone dies!? It just feels like she’s leaving and I know it wasn’t her fault but—“ 

“You’re upset anyways.” 

“Yes!” She throws her hands over her eyes and than slowly peeks out again. “That makes me awful doesn't it. Be honest, Ping.” 

“If you are an awful person I am an evil one.” 

“What!?” 

“I was jealous that you were comforting Morax— even as he lost someone and he deserved the comfort and support I was jealous.” Guizhong looks shocked 

“Why?” She sounds so utterly befuddled, she has no idea what she does to them does she? 

“I wanted you to hold me, and brush your fingers through my hair and call me love instead of him, I wanted you near me, talking to me, instead of him— I wanted… Well, I want a lot.” Guizhong is still, Ping looks upwards, the clouds are slow, they drift easily across the brilliant blue sky, it’s a beautiful day. “I… I love you, like the humans who marry love each other.” Guizhong is still quiet and Ping can’t bear to look at her, she feels fearful, she is afraid. She knows Guizhong loves her but will she change her mind once she hears this? 

“Ping.” Guizhong’s voice is quiet but commanding, it’s among the many endless talents of hers, the ability to sound so soft and gentle yet commanding at the same time- it’s how she taught those on the Guili plans and defended it. Ping looks down and Guizhong has moved closer, she hadn’t noticed but they’re almost face to face. 

Ping can smell the Glaze lilies on her, and the faintly acridic scent of anyone who was near Morax when he was angry. She smells  like a storm over a sea of flowers, her eyes up close are detailed brush stroked patterns, a blending mix of silver spiraling to gray and purple spiraling to blue, they shine like the rarest of gems and her mouth, small and pink is in a soft smile, reminiscent of the one she had worn when they first met. Her hair cascades from her shoulders small strands knotting and poofed out, not neat or organized, her skin glows softly with health and her eyes are a bit puffy, cheeks dappled red and blotchy. 

Guizhong leans forward, her hold on Ping tightens and she pulls Ping forward and presses her lips against hers. 

Pings eyes widen for a brief moment before she registers what’s happening and she brings her arms around to rest gently on Guizhongs shoulders kissing her back gently, sweetly— Guizhong is sweet and soft and she kisses with the soft ferocity that is uniquely hers. 

She tilts her head up and Ping pulls her closer, sitting to her knees with Guizhong draped over her lap, tangling her hands through Ping's hair, catching braids and pulling them. 

It’s like embracing the sun, it’s warm and safe and breathtaking, Ping’s eyes are shut for she knows the brightness before her, the glory, will blind her, she feels like she’s breathing something freeing and when she pulls back Ping’s lips buzz like they’ve been imbued with electricity, she feels so very alive, her heart thundering in her chest eyes blown open, Guizhong sits before her, hair tangled and free, lips a brilliant red, ears too, flushing a violent shade of pink. 

“Guizhong.” She doesn’t know what else to say, the words have been kissed from her lips. 

“Ping.” Is the response. Just as breathless. 

“I love you.” 

“I know, and you know I love you too.” That’s something familiar, but with her lips still singing it rings differently, the sun and the stars combined are not nearly as bright as this beacon before her. 

“Do you… love me differently than the others?” Ping asks quietly, she in this moment is not feeling greedy, she has been fed what she has craved for so long and in this moment is wholly content. 

“I love everyone differently.” Guizhong explains, trailing her hands on the seams of Ping’s clothing, ribbing to the skin of shoulder and making slow swirling patterns. “I love you because you’re graceful and smart, you work hard and you're beautiful, I like that you care so much about me and I love how well you play music, the way you express your emotions through them really shines more than anything I could make with my bell.” 

“Morax had to confiscate that bell.” Ping smiles humored and Guizhong pouts jokingly. 

“We really couldn’t get along over it.” 

“No. We couldn’t. It was a terrible thing.” 

“How dare you.” Guizhong snorts. “I love that you make me laugh too! And that we both love the mortals.” 

“I like the mortals, love is a word I don’t use as easily as you.” 

“That’s okay, we’re all different.” Guizhong pulls a braid from the clasp and both pieces fall down, she runs it through her fingers humming. “I love your hair, your boldness, how protective you are…and you have this grace and composure that makes people take you seriously! Sometimes I get jealous of that.” 

“People take you seriously, Guizhong, they just feel comfortable around you.” 

“I suppose.” Guizhong smiles blindingly at that. 

“…and the others?” Ping doesn’t know why she’s asking, be it some curiosity. “Why do you love them?” 

“Well…” Guizhong ponders for a moment “I Love Morax because it’s easy, we’re a perfect fit- like yin and yang- I like holding hands with him because it just clicks and it makes me feel like everything will be okay,  I like drinking tea and going over maps and tactical plans with him, and I like when he makes jokes and hardly anyone knows, so it feels like a secret. I love his hair and if I really plead with him he lets me braid it or play with it. We both love Glaze lilies and he’s so deeply kind, but in a different way than everyone else… like the earth. It makes sense I suppose.” She pauses “It’s everywhere you’re surrounded by it and sometimes it feels harsh but every so often you’ll get a glimpse of something breathtaking.” 

“And Cloud retainer?” 

“She’s like a… sister to me. I like teasing her and seeing her get upset but secretly be pleased. I like drawing with her and trading and talking about books. Did you know that she snuck out one time to give this little child food? Came back immediately and started talking about how she didn’t have any interest in the affairs of mortals? She’s so…squishy and she cares so much, and I know she’s been hurt because of how much she cares but she keeps caring anyway and It’s an inspiration when I have bad days.” 

“…oh.” It makes sense, the love Guizhong has is truly what Cloud retainer had described it as: boundless, unending a well that will never dry. She had worried maybe that it wasn’t, that with her interests so spread Ping would be left alone again— left by the sun— but her descriptions and reasonings as to why she loves those that they both adore— is so varyingly, diverse, unique and plentiful. There is both a vast difference and no difference at all. 

“I love the Yaksha like children we’ve all raised, although a few of them are certainly all grown up— I want to protect them and see them flourish, when they smile I feel like my life is complete, like I could cry and laugh all at once and I like to talk to them about the things they love! Bonanus loved books… she would always rip them though so Menogias would read them to her, Indarias loved Bonanaus and Bosacius is so full of energy! He keeps them together like glue and gives the best hugs! And then there's Xiao… he’s so clever and sweet, he’s unintentionally funny and unbelievably loyal, his sense of honor is greater than even mine and I see hope in all of them that I will cherish forever.” 

“Cloud Retainer was right: you really do, just have… a lot of love” Guizhong laughs at that, it is a pretty interesting thing to say but it’s true. 

“I could keep going.” Guizhong murmurs she sounds sheepish but not ashamed. “But the important part is you’re all uniquely important to me— remember? You’re irreplaceable.” 

“You are too.” Ping returns. “Irreplaceable to me.” 

“Who else do you love?” Guizhong questions and Ping finds the answer easier than even she understands. 

“You, Morax when he’s not being an idiot, Cloud Retainer, Xiao, Skybracer, Marchosius, and Moon Carver when he’s not being overly dramatic.” That was… a lot of people, it surprised even her, it had taken a while, moments with them, getting to know them truly and then learning to love those moments. 

“Moon Carver is always overly dramatic.” Guizhong points out and Ping sighs in faux drama 

“I suppose I don’t love him anymore.” 

“Wow, so conditional.” 

“We aren’t all like you Guizhong.” 

“You’re right.” Guizhong smiles sunily. “And I’m glad, because I love all of you because of who you are.” She places a chaste kiss against Ping's lips before standing. “Speaking of Marchosius he’s probably worried, and there is also probably food.” 

There is indeed food, the large fiery bear gives Guizhong a firm warm hug as soon as she enters before hustling them both to get seated and setting bowls of delicious smelling food before them, he explains a new chili pepper he’s recently been incorporating and when they leave he promises them everything will be alright. 

It’s two weeks later early morning when Morax returns, Guizhong, Ping, Sky bracer and Marchosius are having an early breakfast to prerequisite the work in preparation they have for an upcoming battle and Morax makes his presence known as soon as he steps foot on the mountain. 

Guizhong is out of her seat and running towards the man before the others can fully process and in four large leaps and bounds she’s thrown herself bodily at him and he— startled— catches her and brings her close on instinct so she does not hit the ground. The red beneath his eyes is faded and streaked, his hair is untied and wild but his eyes don’t quite seem as distant and after the shock wears off he wraps his arms around her tighter and buries his face in the crook of her neck, Ping is quick after Guizhong and she yells at Sky Bracer to fetch Cloud Retainer, Marchosias is running at her heels, slower than her but also much larger, so they make similar timing to the two. 

Morax looks up at them when he hears their approach Guizhong is still held tightly in his arms and his thumb brushes a gentle pattern across her back. 

“Morax!” Marchosias bellows “You're back!” 

“I am.” It’s the same old Morax too, his tone holding little to nothing but his eyes brightening ever so slightly, he’s glad to see them. 

“… How are you feeling?” Ping inquires and Morax sighs heavily. 

“Ashamed. I apologize for—“ 

“You should be sorry!” It’s Guizhong, surprisingly. She taps his arm impatiently and he easily lets her back onto her own feet. “You’re allowed space if you need it Morax, you’re allowed support and love and anything we can give you— but disappearing with no ‘I need a moment’ or ‘I’ll come back when I feel a little better’ it made it seem like you were leaving , leaving.” Morax looks stricken, he reaches a hand out but Guizhong bats it away. “I’m not done.” She looks fleetingly to Ping who gives her a little nod and she continues. “Please, next time tell us what’s going on… I was really, really worried. That’s all I ask, the smallest explanation and you're free to go.” 

And then Morax, who has never done anything halfway in his life, takes a knee in front of Guizhong and reaches for her hand, clasping it between his: “I am sorry , Guizhong.” And he sounds so deeply apologetic sincerity rings in his tone. “I will— if any such horrendous occasion occurs again— I will explain to you and I want you, all of you.” He looks at Ping and at Marchosius, Cloud Retainer is next to him, having quietly arrived, presumably not wanting to interrupt. “To know that I.” His eyes return to Guizhong, burning bright, “will never leave you, I will always come back, if you need or call for me I will hear you and that is an oath I swear.” 

Guizhongs eyes are teary. 

“Do you forgive me?” Morax asks, still on his knee, Guizhongs hand still clasped between his. “You need not to.” 

“I do.” Guizhong whispers and she pulls his hands back with her;  kissing the gloves over his knuckles. “You are a useless, extravagant man.” He stands walking towards her and she wraps her hand in his— Ping remembers how Guizhong said she always felt happy doing that. 

Ping steps forward and is immediately engulfed in a hug. It’s shocking. It’s one armed, Morax is still holding Guizhongs hand but the other arm wraps around her, he smells like tea and paper and a forest fire, and he pulls her very quickly against his chest and rests his chin on the top of her head. 

He releases her only a moment later but she’s left feeling strangely… solid. She has no word to describe it but perhaps it’s similar to the feeling Guizhong had explained about whenever she held hands with him, an all encompassing sort of safety. 

Marchosias is next and then Morax gives Cloud Retainer a hug; she melts into his shoulder resting her head there for a few moments before standing up again— a moment of rest and respite. 

Here they stand together on a hilltop. The sun is new and bright and Guizhong grabs Cloud Retainer's hand as well, Cloud Retainer grabs Ping by the shoulder forcefully bringing her close. Marchosias excitedly discusses a meal he has planned. 

This is the last moment their family is whole. 

———-

It’s raining. 

The sky is gray and overcast. 

They are all spread thin over their territories, the rageful gods they fight are also split and divided amongst them. Pings spear is red and coated, she is tired and shaking, the machinery and traps behind her mostly filled and yet her battle is not over. The other adepti in the guili assembly fight with her. 

She worries about Guizhong, about Morax and Cloud retainer, this— this is the perceived big push to tilt the battle in their favor. 

“Madame Ping!” An adepti behind her calls, running towards her, sweaty and exhausted— she waves her hand and two adepti go to cover her as she turns to the messenger. 

“Yes?” 

“The Guili plains— the Kingdom under the Dust lord is under attack- there was a message for help over two hours ago but it wasn’t delivered until just now, the messenger was half dead when he arrived.” 

Ping’s throat closes up like someone has wrapped their hands around it, her heart is pounding louder than the battle around them, her mouth dries like she’s eaten dust. 

The Guili plains, the people Guizhong loves, the place Guizhong had went— the place away from the battlefield to be safe, so she could keep planning and keep eye over her people, the place where she sat teaching children how to plant trees in the dirt and told epic stories about all of them. 

She is running faster than she thought possible… two hours ago. She realizes. Two, entire hours ago. 

The path before her blurs but she knows where she must go, she tramples glaze lilys beneath her feet Guizhong. Is all she can think of, Guzihong, Guizhong, Guizhong. 

When she gets nearer she notices how much harder it’s raining, it plasters the hair to her face and makes her slip, the mud is high and  washed up trees ripped from their roots sag against them painted muddy brown— Ping wonders if they are trees Guizhong planted there. 

The Guili plains glow, adepti have arrived before her and for a moment Ping hopes, she catches glimpse of Cloud retainer to her left flying in mighty beats of her wings. 

The city is in ruin, its towers and towns, its mighty churches and statues raised to the ground in mountains of mud and water, everything is soaked and it's still raining, Guizhongs kingdom is crumbling around them and Ping cries as she runs.

 As she passes she recognizes the fallen sign for the store that sold candy, Guizhong had taken her there, recognized the tea shop Morax had accompanied them to, and the school- a large magnificent building is shattered so thoroughly only one of its pillars still stands. 

In the center of the town is Guizhongs statue, it’s cracked down the middle, fractures like tears and rain running in rivulets down her smiling face— she is crying for her people, but most noticeably, is the glowing amber above them, the other adepti holding back the beasts that had done this and below the statue kneels Morax. 

In front of him, at the foot of her statue is Guizhong. Her hair is loose and wild, tangled with glaze lilies and mud the flowers poke through the earth as if fed by her blood, the blood that pools from the white she wears and the pristine white sleeves she wears are blotchy brown and horrible, horrible red. 

“Guizhong!” The voice is ripped from her and Ping can’t breathe; she can’t think all she sees is her love, her sun, her beautiful, vibrant wonderful Guizhong laying at the ground of her statue flowers as the only place to rest her head. 

She grabs her hand and it isn’t warm, it’s cold. Guizhongs hands are always warm. She kneels in the mud as it seeps through her pants a pervasive all consuming cold like a night without the moon, a day without the sun. 

“Guizhong, please” Ping holds her hand tight between her own trying to bring back warmth, the Goddess opens her eyes feebly, they’re glazed and be it water or rain— but they’re wet. 

“…Morax, Ping, Cloud retainer.” She speaks weakly, a wheeze shuddering through her, she was always delicate yet so strong. Ping holds her hand tighter like that will keep her from slipping away. “I need to-“ 

“Save your energy!” Cloud retainer demands, tears are running from her eyes. Guizhong cries. 

“I-I’m scared.” She shakes and Ping cries helplessly with her, ugly and unrestrained.

“Please.” She begs not even listening just, hoping. “Please, please, please.” It’s ugly and warbled and broken and next to her Morax has tears running down his cheeks his lips are pressed against Guizhongs other hand and he’s rocking back and forth an open anguish written all over him. “Please Guizhong. You’ll be okay.” 

“I-I-“ Guizhongs voice breaks and hitches and she cries, she looks so young that Ping can’t even catch her breath. “Te-tell me I don’t-“ she heaves “don’t have to be afraid.” Her eyes are pleading and she’s blurry before Ping's eyes. “Please.” Her voice is a broken whisper. “I don’t want to be alone.” 

“You aren’t.” It’s Morax his voice is low and kneeing “we’re right here Guizhong.” 

“Morax.” She recognizes, she turns her head to him and his palm comes to caress her cheek she leans into it and closes her eyes. “Don’t worry about solving the dumbbell.” 

“Guizhong.” 

“Cloud r- Cloud.” Her voice is weak and she looks vaguely skyward. “The guili plains….” 

“I understand.” Cloud retainer is shaking “But Guizhong- I- please I- I’m nothing like you. I cannot protect and love these people even half as much as you have.” 

“You can.” It’s firm and then Guzihong is looking at Ping, her hand shakes as she gives the slightest squeeze of her hand. “Will you stay with me?” She asks. “Please-please don’t leave.” The last word is a soft sob and Ping can barely breath; she feels like she is breaking apart. 

“I will.” She sobs loudly, “I will stay with you forever, as long as you're here.” Her breath is coming harsh “you, you never left me and I will never be able to thank you enough— you saved me Guizhong. Whatever you want, it's yours.” 

“Will you… play my song?” It’s soft and tentative. And Ping’s heart rips in two, slung across her back is her spear. She does not have her zither, cannot play the song she had written just for Guizhong, the song that makes everything feel comforted and in this last moment she cannot do this for Guizhong because she has a spear on her back instead of an instrument. 

“I will get an instrument.” Says Cloud Retainer urgently. She speeds away in fast harried wing beats and Guizhong trembles beneath them. 

“I love you Guizhong.” Morax is whispering “I love you, you are so loved. You saved me as you have saved everyone else.” His eyes are like fractured amber. “You are a good thing on this world, celestia will open its doors to you—“ his voice cuts short “but it will not stop us from. From missing you, please Guizhong” 

“Just stay.” Guizhong pleads. “I don’t need celestia I just- I just want you to stay.” 

“I promised I would.” Morax shudders. “I came when you called like I said I would. I am sorry— I am sorry I was too late, don’t forgive me for that.” Ping sobs again she had been too late too— much too late. 

“My name, it’s Guizhong.” Four words and the world completely changed, four words and the soft “you’re amazing” when she’d played. No one listened to her like Guizhong did, no one understood her music, saw it as her soul laid bare and had treated it as such. Guizhong had. She had seen her, every inch and decided she was worth loving with all of her ability. 

“I forgive you.” Guizhong whispers.  And then her voice cracks as she hums…something. 

She hits another note, dry , wheezing and Ping recognizes what she’s doing. 

She’s humming her song. 

Ping leans down, close to Guizhongs ear and hums too, quietly, it’s not the same, it’s broken by both of their hiccuping sobs but Guizhongs eyes are trained on her like Ping will save her, like the music she is humming is balm for her wounds. 

I love you. 

I love you, I love you, I love you. It hurts to breathe, just thinking about you leaving and you haven't even left yet. So please don’t. Stay. Even just a day longer. 

Just one day. 

A single day. Please. Is that too much to ask? 

“Ping!” And Cloud retainer is thrusting a Zither at her, Ping immediately roughly sets it across her lap. 

Guizhong is humming brokenly, wheezing. 

She balances her hand weirdly, she only has one. She isn’t letting go of Guizhongs hand. 

The strings blur in front of her and her tears land on the strings her hands shake and… 

The first note is loud and discoordinate. Just like the first time. The first time she met Guizhong and played for her a slippery, loud, unashamed note the trill like a rooster way before morning. 

Guzihong’s face slips into a smile. 

Like testing the water. 

Her hand, cold— it’s never cold— goes slack 

Don’t leave me. 

Guzihongs eyes glaze. 

Steel blue and wide, beautiful. 

The song remains unfinished unplayed, Morax rushing his hand to her neck where Ping knows there will be no pulse. 

The sky still rains. 

In their hands the lord of Dust shatters. 

The sun is hidden beneath the clouds, but on this plane, on this earth. 

Their sun is gone forever. 

———- 

“ Many lantern rights have passed since then, many greetings and goodbyes. 

The adepti think of human life as a lantern that is lit one minute and extinguished the next. But are we Adepti so different? Perhaps as dust settles after a storm we too must return to the world below.”

———-

None of the yaksha besides Xiao survived to see the end of the archon war. 

On a fallen pillar Xiao watches the stars alone when it was once what he did with his fellows. 

All he can hear is the silence that was once full. 

———

“The time caused by the lingering hatred of ancient gods defeated over the course of the Archon War caused  Marchosias to release all of his power into the land itself to keep it vitalized, greatly diminishing the size of both his physical form as well as his mental faculties. With the last of his abilities, he imparted his recipes and secrets of the flame to Morax and Madame Ping before retreating to a mountain shrine and falling asleep.”

——-

Morax, upon Madame Ping’s request, gave her the bell of cleansing, under the condition that she give it to any in need of it in the future. 

———

Somewhere on the Guili plains Ping plays Guizhongs song one last time: the Song is called memories of dust and only three people have ever heard it. 

When she hits the last resounding chord it flees up into the sky where the lanterns rise like a note unsaid. Cloud retainer gazes off into the distance of bending Glaze lilies. 

Ping buries her Zither on the lands Guizhong had loved and retires her spear. 

———

“Old friend.” Madame Ping had her hands clasped behind her back, she’s bent in age and her hair is a dirty silver, lines crease around her mouth. 

Zhongli walks towards her, eyes facing upwards, they watch the lanterns rise. 

“May I sit with you?” 

“You needn’t ever ask.” 

Zhongli sits on the table Cloud retainer had made, it’s dark around them, quiet. The lanterns speckle the dark sky like bright stars, tiny suns. 

They both sit where their names are carved and there is a hole between them, an empty chair where Guizhong once sat. It’s a space unfilled, the empty chair between  them has gathered dust until the breeze blows it away yet again. 

It’s cold, the world has always seemed colder without her. 

The trees whistle softly with wind and it almost sounds like a note. 

Ping has never played for anyone else because she knew no one would ever listen as well as Guizhong had. They complimented each other. 

The world seems so much emptier without Guizhong, but Guizhong had showed her happiness, had showed her belief and trust and love and Ping isn’t going to give up quiet so easily on the world when that would disrespect all the words and wonder Guizhong had imparted on them. 

“I miss her.” Zhongli whispers, tone low not breaking the silence. 

“I do too, I always will.” They both take their eyes away from the sky for a moment to look at the stone table, her name is carved into her spot. Proof writ that she was once there; proof that a glowing, wonderful woman who was kind and fierce with gray hair and an easy smile— was not just dust- but precious in their memories. 

“You loved her didn’t you?” 

“Yes. You did as well.” 

“Who wouldn’t.” It’s said with a pulling, agonizing longing. 

They watch the lanterns until they disappear, until only one last speck of yellow blinks out. Zhongli stands, presumably to go and quickly, quicker than a presumed old woman should be able- Ping grabs his wrist and stands with him, interlocking their hands for a moment. 

He’s a steady warmth, his fingers cage hers both protective and gently. 

She lets him go a moment later. 

“Guizhong loved that about you— loved holding hands with you.” His brows pinch before they relax. Zhongli than reaches forward and rests a finger under her eye. 

“She liked your eyes, and said they were so full that she could get lost in them.” 

They're silent again.

Guizhong would always fill their silences. 

“It was nice seeing you.” Zhongli gives her a weak smile, his eyes look devastated, both of their eyes do. 

“As always, old friend.” 

When he leaves she stays there just a moment longer. 

This story started with her and Guizhong and it will end that way too. 

She runs her hands over the name, her signature imprinted on stone. 

She remembers this day, they had all passed around the knife digging it sloppily into the table, Guizhong had , had the most trouble, a character in her name stretched a bit too long when her hand sipped, she had giggled at that, apologizing. 

She hums a single note 

And the wind carries it away with the dust.