Work Text:
“I’m feeling a bit hard done,” Penguin announced. “Really annoyed.”
This declaration was greeted by sullen silence from the other two men in the room. There was a shuffling noise as Penguin worked himself up into a sitting position with an audible wince. The clink of chains from the adjacent cell sounded ever so slightly apologetic.
“It took me ages to find any good lemons too…”
“You sound like the cook.”
“Hey, you’d be pissed too if you had to supply a whole ship. You guys cost me the lot. And I’ve got a bruise the size of–”
“You could have dodged it,” Zoro grumbled.
There was a snort. “What? The whole building you dropped on me?”
A muffled chuckle drifted from the cell across the way.
“And you!” The Heart Pirate was sitting cross-legged against the wall now. He gestured angrily with his manacled hands at the third man. “You started the whole thing! You just had to pick a fight with him, just had to call the marines down on our heads!”
“You sure are a noisy bird.” Killer leaned back against the steel bars, his beefy shoulders making the joints of his cage creak. Light filtering through the barred windows burnished his wild blond hair to a lambent gold. The metal shackled around his wrists, legs, and neck gleamed dully.
Penguin glared at him and began inspecting his own cuffs.
A sound from the hallway made them all turn their heads. A cavalcade of steps and noisy gabble of conversation made their way to the steel-plated door. There was a jingle of keys and the scrape of the lock. The door banged open.
“Ah! My prizes!” a tall, thin-ish man with curly red hair declared. He strode about the room with a magnificent magenta cape fluttering behind him and an entourage of officers and clerks trying to keep pace. A young seaman recruit in the standard issue hat ducked and dodged the flapping arms expertly as he took notes.
“What a coup! What a coup! To think that I, Commander Kushami–soon to be Commodore Kushami, no doubt!--would capture the highest-ranking crew members of three of the most notorious pirates on the Grand Line!”
He whirled to the farthest cage tucked up against the back wall of the small prison room. Double layers of reinforced steel posts lined a single-person cell while spikes, chains, and restraining bars littered the floor. It was a cramped, cruel, and metal-riddled space. The marine commander grinned smugly.
“The Demon of East Blue, former pirate hunter, and famed three-sword style user, first mate of the Straw Hat Pirates! Roronoa Zo–”
Inside, Zoro was snoring.
Kushami cleared his throat and tried again. “First mate of the Straw Hat Pirates, Roro–”
Another snore buzzed through the air. The young seaman recruit chewed desperately on the end of his pencil as the awkward silence stretched.
“Is he narcoleptic?” Killer asked Penguin.
The entourage waited uncertainly for a moment–just long enough for the young clerk to record the name in the logbook, then they moved on to Killer’s cell. The Kid Pirate’s second in command lounged easily despite the numerous cuffs encircling his limbs. The scarred front of his mask almost seemed to grin as the many eyes fixed on him.
“First mate of the Kid Pirates, the Massacre Soldier…”
Unable to savor Zoro’s introduction, Kushami drew himself up as tall as he could and let the gravity of the moment sink in and then drown. Only when Penguin started playing a rather distracting solo game of knots and crosses using the toe of his boot, did he continue.
“...Killer.”
There was murmured talk among the group of officers and someone gasped. The seaman recruit looked genuinely awed. One of the officers pointed at the mask.
“Should we have it removed? He might be hiding a weapon in there.”
It was only the minutest of shifts from Killer, but the tension in the room shot up exponentially.
“Go ahead and try,” he said softly.
The officer who had made the suggestion retreated back into the safety of the group, and Kushami tapped a finger against his nose in warning.
“Want another dose, eh?”
Killer growled.
“Er, sir,” a lieutenant squeaked. “You’ll hit us too. Why don’t we, ah, move on! The admiral will be here within the hour, so we can’t tarry too long!” The other men agreed vigorously, some already pressing handkerchiefs to their faces just in case. Kushami sniffed but turned away, stopping lastly at the large, several person cell that Penguin was sitting on the floor of.
The seaman recruit clapped when he saw the result of the knots and crosses game. “Oh, rousing turnaround!”
“Why, thank you,” Penguin said politely.
Kushami stood by the bars, beady eyes roving over the white (though now somewhat worse for wear) boiler suit and single set of standard issue handcuffs. He stared silently at the hat, its bold lettering and little penguin topper. The little penguin stared back unblinkingly, as did the owner. He turned to the officer to his right. “Er, which one is this?” The man whispered in his ear. Kushami looked unconvinced. “But are we sure he’s the first mate of the Heart Pirates?” he pressed. “It might be the bear.”
Penguin sighed.
After some discussion, they all agreed that he was, at least, a named crew member of the Heart Pirates and could be counted as something to offer to the visiting admiral. Satisfied that they had taken stock and shown their prisoners who was boss, they all left in as noisy a gaggle as they had arrived.
Silence settled over the room until Killer said, “My money’s on the orca.”
Zoro cracked an eye open. “Not a chance. Definitely the bear.”
“Both of you can fuck right off,” Penguin grumbled. “And weren’t you asleep?” he added accusingly.
“Floor’s too lumpy with all these chains. Even your bed was more comfortable than this.”
Killer sat up a little straighter, the tilt of his mask intrigued. He looked between them. If it had eyebrows painted on it, they would have been raised. “You and him?”
Penguin waved it away with a snort. “Just shared when we gave the Straw Hats a lift a bit back. No matter how many times I steered him to his own bunk on the sub, he kept ending up in mine.”
The chains rattled as Zoro shrugged. “All the rooms in that thing you call a ship look the same.”
Killer chuckled.
“Well,” Penguin continued, “We usually bunk double during dives anyway because it’s freezing that deep. He puts off more heat than Bepo, so if I couldn’t get rid of him, I wasn’t going to say no to free warmth.”
As he spoke, he studied his cuffs, occasionally making tsk-ing noises.
“But seriously, you two are the worst. What were you thinking, having a fight in the middle of town? You must have known this was a marine holding.”
Zoro scratched his head. “Luffy ran off, so I was looking for him.”
“In front of the marine barracks?”
“Whatever.”
“And you? You’re usually smarter than this, Killer.”
The wooden planks groaned as the Kid Pirate put his arms behind his head and leaned back, relaxed and unbothered by the reproach in the other man’s voice.
“Kid has business here. Was just finding a way to pass the time.”
The white line of Zoro’s teeth gleamed from the shadows.
Penguin threw his arms in the air. “Hopeless, the pair of you. Well, look what it got you: in a marine hold, caught by some no-name Devil Fruit squid who makes you sneeze.”
There was a moment of shared embarrassed silence.
“Hey,” Zoro said suddenly. “You know you’re in here too, right?”
“Mmm-hmm.” Penguin fiddled some more with his chains. “But I sure as hell won’t be hanging around, especially not for an admiral.”
“And how do you expect–”
The sound of heavy footfall thudded from down the hall once again. Zoro and Killer eyed the door with interest as it screeched open and a trio of marines entered. These, however, felt different from the others. There was tension in the air that emanated from the group, an edge to the scuff of the shiny boots and a harsh whisper of starched uniforms as they filed in.
One was extremely tall, another on the shorter side, and there was something unnaturally sharp about the leader’s lopsided smile. The short one shut the door behind them and took up position next to it. He looked bored and sleepy, but there was red on his sleeve.
“Well, well,” the leader of the group said, taking them all in. His green eyes sparkled. “Quite the catch today.”
He put his hands in his pockets and took a short, strolling circuit around the room. “Quite the catch, indeed…except for you.” The officer came to a stop outside of Penguin’s cell. He rocked back on his heels as he studied the prisoner.
“Not much to look at are you? Not even worth leg irons. Pirate scum.”
Penguin cocked his head to the side. “That’s something coming from you...”
The officer leaned in close to the bars. He beckoned with a long finger. “Come closer. Say what you really think. Say it to my face.”
There was a flicker in the low light as a small blade spun lazily over the knuckles of the officer’s other hand. Penguin gazed calmly at the glinting arcs. “C’mon, you call yourself a pirate?” the marine taunted.
The tall officer watched this exchange with unblinking dark eyes. The lower half of his face was hidden by the high collar of his uniform, but it couldn’t conceal his amusement entirely. With exaggerated indifference, he walked to the window and studied the bars as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. The shorter man met Zoro’s questioning glare. He smiled nastily.
Penguin stood, and the green-eyed officer’s grin stretched wider. There was a soft jangle of metal from the other two cells as their occupants shifted, anticipating the violence to come.
“Hey,” Zoro growled at the marines as Killer quietly wrapped one of the chains around his arm and braced a foot.
The officer reached into the cell and grabbed a fistful of Penguin’s boiler suit. The spinning knife stopped. He pulled hard, wrapping both arms around the Heart Pirate and crushing him against the bars.
“Taking your sweet time, huh?” the officer said, as Penguin hugged him back.
Penguin laughed. “I think I lost a few minutes when the third floor landed on me.”
Zoro’s eyebrows bunched in confusion.
The officer released him and tucked the knife back up his sleeve. He removed the marine cap with a flourish and shook out wild red hair, then turned to Zoro with a glare, hand on hip.
“Yeah, Hakugan filled us in. Said you threw him clear when it came down, but you got dropped by an armoire or somethin’.” He swept an accusing finger at the swordsman, then Killer. “Next time you two get bored, leave our guys out of it.”
From the doorway, Clione flipped them off. Uni merely nodded and went back to loosening the window bolts.
Killer huffed and dropped his chain. “The orca. Figures. Fucking Hearts.”
“That’s ‘Shachi’ to you, Massacre Soldier.”
The Kid Pirate shrugged.
“How come he only remembers your name?” Shachi complained to Penguin as he stepped back from the bars. “And are we going or what?”
Penguin shook out his wrists and gave them a sharp twist. The cuffs fell to the ground with a clunk. He waited expectantly for Shachi to open the cell door.
“You’re getting lazy,” the red-haired Heart Pirate grumbled as he produced a key ring. “This lock would’ve taken you five seconds…”
“What the hell! You could’ve gotten out this whole time?” Zoro accused Penguin.
Penguin stretched as he stepped through. “Told you I wasn’t hanging around.” He rubbed his wrists. “Now, then…”
There was a grating of plaster and a grunt as Uni ripped two of the metal posts out of the sill. He gently set them down and then removed the remaining bars in quick fashion. Once the window was clear, he carefully poked his head out. Without looking back at the group, he tapped the wall five times, paused, then tapped it again five times.
“Clione,” Shachi called, as Uni disappeared out the window. He counted to five under his breath, then nudged the shorter man out. As soon as Clione’s boots vanished from view, he motioned to Penguin.
“Hey! What about us?!”
Shachi twirled the ring of keys around on his finger as Penguin leaned out the window. “I wanted lemon cutlet for my supper, Roronoa, and now that dream is dead along with all the groceries you killed today.”
“Oh, come on!”
Penguin suddenly waved at something outside the window and looked back over his shoulder with a grin.
“But don’t worry. I just spotted your minder and let him know where you are. Rescue is on the way!”
“What?”
Penguin peered out again. His fingers drummed a steady beat against the cracked cement as he gave a low whistle. “He looks pretty pissed, though. Bet you’ll get half portions for dinner tonight…”
Zoro swore and began vigorously trying to pull the chain of his neck collar out of the wall.
“See ya!” Shachi said with a salute and swarmed out the window after Penguin.
“C’mon, Penguin!” Zoro called desperately after him. “Lemme out! I’ll get your damn lemons!!”
Killer watched as Shachi disappeared and then looked over at the discarded cuffs and empty cell. He laughed again, making Zoro scowl. “Tricky bastard.” He raised his hand and turned it so that a thin white scar along the forearm dimpled in the light. “He cut my radial nerve one time,” he said, almost fondly.
There was a sound at the window. The ear flaps of Penguin’s hat dangled into view, followed by the Heart Pirate’s contemplative, upside-down face.
“Killer! That was downright complimentary, especially considering the one you gave me took 26 stitches and a blood transfusion.”
Zoro looked on hopefully as the key ring jangled into view.
“I want my book back,” Penguin added, and tossed the keys at the Kid Pirate. He left once more.
Killer caught them and nodded absently while he began to unlock his chains. Once he was free, he exited his cell and stood there a moment looking at Zoro. The sound of fighting could now be heard in the courtyard, punctuated by vociferous swearing. Zoro sighed as the stream of profanity drew closer.
Turning away, Killer dropped the heavy key ring and back-footed it into Zoro’s cell. “If you hurry, you can probably make it out the window before he gets here.”
Zoro began frantically trying every key. He stared at the ring in disbelief as the last of the keys failed to turn in his lock. There was a scuffing sound at the window, and Killer stopped rifling through the weapon’s cabinet. They both looked up.
Shachi’s grinning face was now framed by the mangled window. His tattooed arm slowly appeared, and between his fingers he held a single key. He lowered his shades, stuck his tongue out, and dropped it. It tinkled lightly as it fell onto the cobblestones of the courtyard several floors below. And then he was gone.
Killer wheezed with laughter while calls of “Idiot mosshead!!” now resounded in the hallway.
“Fucking Hearts,” Zoro said with feeling.
***