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“Purple, baby, I got your distress signal,” said the tall man entering the ship through the airlock. He was wearing a military jacket and little else.
“What distress signal?” Ed said, and then, “1zzy!”
Stede caught a flash of metal as 1zzy slunk from the room.
“You two are friends?” Stede asked.
“No,” Ed said.
“Naked friends,” said the visitor. He turned to Stede. “Captain Jack Rackham. Who the hell are you?”
“Stede Bonnet, Temporal—”
“Never mind, I just remembered I don’t care.” Jack turned back to Ed. “So Purple, 1zzy said you might be interested in rekindling some… kindling.”
“I would rather shower in garbage juice.”
“Hmm, so watersports are on the table?”
Stede felt a strange fluttering in his chest. Maybe he should consult with Dr. Roach. He crossed to Lucius, who was waiting by the entrance Jack had come through.
“Lucius,” he said. “Are you feeling any strange chest pains?”
Lucius stared at him. “Did they not have, like, jealousy in the 21st century?” he asked.
“What on earth would I have to be jealous about?” Stede asked.
Across the room, Ed was saying, “We hooked up once, and it was extremely average!”
“Aha! Average, not terrible!” Jack said. “I knew you were into it.”
“Oh, there it is again,” Stede said, rubbing a hand over his chest.
“Stede, sweetie,” Lucius said. “I’m sorry nobody ever told you about the bees and the bees, but I’m a little busy at the moment.”
The airlock opened again and a green, frog-like humanoid entered. (Or maybe human-like froganoid, Stede wasn’t sure about the terminology.)
“Lulu!” the alien said.
“Pete!” Lucius swept Pete into his arms.
“You look so hot, babe,” Pete said. “Who’s the new guy?”
“The prof’s great-great-whatever nephew. But it’s just a matter of time before he’s done in by some space virus or homicidal robot, so I’m not getting attached.”
Lucius walked out of the room, still carrying Pete in his arms. “Stateroom 3 is occupied,” he called over his shoulder.
“I have nine minutes before we need to exit this star system,” Jack said to Ed. “That leaves six minutes for me to rock your world.”
Ed turned away, his ponytail swishing. “Not interested, Jack. Don’t you have a war crime to commit somewhere?”
“I can make time for both,” Jack purred.
Stede leaned against the wall feeling dazed. Perhaps it was something he’d eaten.