Work Text:
It wasn't obvious at first.
Back then, they were too caught up getting resources and sizing up the other pairs of soulmates to let their guards down and allow themselves to do whatever they felt like doing.
Yet still, in hindsight, Etho could make out numerous different instances where Joel had reached out unnecessarily.
He should've noticed, he realized. He should've noticed because letting someone get close enough to touch without realizing it in a game like this was perilous at best, and otherwise just lethal.
But Joel's closeness felt entirely absentminded, harmless. His brain didn't even register it until much later on because it didn't need to.
It had been simple. A hand on his shoulder as he announced they were soulmates, a hand on his back as they turned away from the mines, a shoulder knocking against his as they walked.
It was all just a teaser, really. Etho realized it only when they set up camp for the first night in the chosen spot for their still non-existing base. All that expanse of green grass, chests everywhere delimiting their area, a seemingly endless wall marking out their place, and yet Joel lay beside him.
Etho looked straight up at the stars, unmoving.
Joel was lying beside him.
Now, Etho wasn’t averse to touch, per se. And in any case, Joel wasn’t even touching him. He just lay there, seemingly content with their proximity without even realizing that it was present.
Etho would only need to reach out—just barely—and that would be enough to…
He blinked. What even was that thought?
Joel's chest rose and fell softly, completely oblivious to the whirlwind currently residing inside Etho's head.
Huh.
He turned around in his bed, closed his eyes, and decided to think about it when Joel wasn't close enough to mess up his thoughts.
Etho didn’t consider the possibility, though, that the situation he was waiting for would never arise. He was highly overestimating Joel's willingness to forgo proximity, as minimal as it was. Drawing conclusions was not a priority in his head when Joel was so absentmindedly using his legs as a pillow.
And it was stupid, he knew. It was stupid to be so completely affected and thoroughly confused by something as simple as that. Perhaps it was the unexpectedness of it, of such natural tenderness in a game that thrived on violence. Or perhaps it was the fact that the person doing it was Joel, though Etho never even considered trying to unpack why.
All that did was make things a bit more confusing, really.
Etho wasn't sure if the tension he felt was actually present or if it was entirely one-sided and he was blowing things out of proportion.
It was just that Joel was standing right there, but he was still a few centimeters too far. Etho could feel his presence, which was already distracting and scandalous enough, but more scandalous was the bewildering realization that Etho wanted those centimeters gone.
And it was just confusing, alright? Because Joel offered light touches bountifully and unendingly, but nothing else. He got close enough for more, but he didn't follow through. And Etho wasn't quite sure if that was good or not, or what that even meant to begin with.
But Joel smiled at him. Joel smiled at him and messed with his hair and Etho didn't get it. He didn't get why he'd do that, or even if he was making the conscious decision to reach out at all. It didn't seem like it at first, when touches were artless and firm.
Now Joel's lingering fingers felt deliberate.
And cautious.
So there Etho was, sitting very still. Joel had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He was very still.
One breath in. One breath out.
He was okay. He was alright. Joel was just asleep. On his shoulder. Asleep on his shoulder.
All good. Etho was doing great.
Yup.
Etho was doing great. Etho was…
Uh.
"Uh."
Joel stirred and slowly, lazily opened one eye to look up at his soulmate. Upon noticing his position, Joel straightened up then yawned.
"Uh."
See, Etho was just confused. He was still confused because Joel had fallen asleep on him and the idea that it could be dangerous and inconvenient hadn't even crossed his mind. He had just short-circuited.
What the hell.
"Sorry," Joel said while rubbing his eyes. "Fell asleep."
Yeah. Etho was keenly aware of that. His brain wouldn't let him forget. Because Joel had fallen asleep. On him.
And what the hell.
Etho didn’t mind. He couldn't understand why, but he didn't. And now Joel was looking at him, eyes bleary and tired, hair a complete and utter mess, and it had been Etho's shoulder that had messed it up, because Joel had fallen asleep on him.
Etho thought he might be going insane. There was simply no other logical explanation.
He gave Joel a thumbs up and smiled awkwardly.
And Joel laughed lightly.
Etho blinked. Joel looked amused. He looked…
"This is quite funny at this point," he said. He was grinning.
"Huh?"
Joel rubbed his eyes again, but he had already perked up at Etho’s reaction, apparently, because he paid his sleepiness no mind as he continued, "I mean, I could go lay down in my bed right now."
"It’s alright, you don't have to–" Etho coughed awkwardly and looked away– "if you don't want to."
Joel hummed with a smile. Bastard.
"There it is."
He blinked repeatedly. “What?”
He was trying his best, he could swear. Joel was just way too close and was looking at him like that.
Joel’s smile widened. And oh.
To top it off, he had the gall to look good.
Fuck off.
Etho was just a bit of a mess, alright? He was not to blame. Certainly not.
“The dancing-around-each-other thing,” Joel said. Just like that.
“The what.”
“The dancing-around-each-other thing.”
Etho blinked a few more times. He was really trying. But Joel was just–
“I’m gonna need you to say that again.”
Instead, his soulmate laughed. He laughed and theatrically stood up, putting his hands on Etho’s shoulders as his laughter softly died down.
The same shoulders that had messed up his hair just a few minutes ago and maybe Etho needed to get professional help.
“Etho.” He made direct eye contact. It was unnerving. “I’m in love with you.”
Okay.
Yeah. Alright. Etho needed a second. Or a minute. Maybe a bit more. Probably a bit more.
Because what?
“Oh, come on,” he said, voice weak. “It’s hardcore, one of the life servers! You can’t love me here.”
He couldn’t.
But Joel only snickered.
“Then why are you in love with me too?”
Well, goddamn.
“I’m not in love with you,” Etho said defensively. He wasn’t.
Joel raised a brow at him.
God fucking dammit.
His expression turned gentle, then. “I don’t think we have much time ”
Dejectedly, Etho agreed. “We just have to fuck around and find out.”
Joel threw his head back and laughed in an unfiltered and genuine and bright way that had his head spinning. He had been right to say that Etho was in love with him.
How could he not?
“We just have to fuck around and find out,” Joel echoed. His eyes denoted such thrill, such delight. “For now, though, sleep. And cuddles.”
He pulled Etho up by the wrist, tugged as if he even needed to apply any force at all to get him to agree and move, and only let go when Etho was exactly where he wanted him.
“Ah, yes,” Etho said sarcastically, because what else was he supposed to do. “The most fearsome way of fucking around and finding out. Sleep.”
Joel threw himself on top of Etho without a care in the world. He was an incomprehensible mass of elbows and hands, nothing but pure pain. Etho half-heartedly hated himself for not hating it.
“‘n’ cuddles. Don’t forget the cuddles.” Joel made himself comfortable.
“Right,” Etho huffed. “The cuddles.”
“The cuddles indeed.” Joel hummed, waited a second before speaking again, “I like this stage. Of fucking around.”
“Yeah,” Etho agreed. His head was nothing short of a mess. “Let’s leave it at that for now. We can find out later.”
Joel hummed, but sleepiness was quickly taking hold of him again. He blinked slowly, eyes revealing a rapidly fading state of consciousness.
“We can find out later,” he mumbled.
And maybe Etho was a bit in love, after all.