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ellie's head felt heavy. her eyes wouldn't open, and something warm was slowly dripping down her face. she couldn't tell if it was blood or tears.
her heart was heavy, too. and her limbs felt like lead.
she couldn't feel anything apart from an overwhelming sense of grief that took over her entire body the minute she was conscious. was it real? was everything that she saw real?
surely not. joel wasn't dead, he couldn't be. he said he'd never leave her. that day when she escaped from david and he held her close, comforting her for the first time, he promised her he'd never leave her alone. he wouldn't. she would open her eyes and he would be getting up off the ground. a little bloody, a little beaten, but awake all the same. she didn't know what she would do if he didn't wake up. her entire world would be turned upside down, and she'd have no-one, all over again.
her hearing was the next sense to return to her. she almost convinced herself that her own ragged breathing was joel's. that the shallow breaths coming in and out of her mouth didn't come from her at all, but rather from the man lying across the room.
she heard footsteps, and her heart leapt in her chest. it couldn't be abby, abby had left. it wasn't until she heard a similar feminine voice - one that she couldn't quite put a name to, yet - that she allowed herself to relax slightly. the footsteps began to grow in volume, coming closer and closer until they reached the door. ellie heard it swing open and there was a gasp, then silence.
complete and utter silence.
her heart crumbled in her chest. she couldn't hear breathing coming from the other side of the room, only from the person standing in the doorway. there was no sign of movement, however small it may have been. she could hear every minuscule movement in the house and outside the windows, just like she'd trained herself to, but none were from joel.
her body convulsed in a silent sob, assumingly drawing the attention of the person standing in the doorway.
"ellie!" they cried out, running to her. "ellie? el, can you hear me? ellie?"
reluctantly, ellie opened her eyes.
she immediately wished she hadn't.
directly in her line of sight was joel.
or rather, joel's body.
she froze, not responding to dina as she attempted to check if ellie was okay. nothing could tear her eyes away from the body of joel - of her dad - as he lay, motionless, with blood spilling from him.
she heard dina apologise, then shout, "jesse, they're down here!", but it sounded mumbled. everything was mumbled.
time passed slower than it ever had.
slower than when she was trapped in the mall watching riley turn into one of those... things.
slower than when joel had dragged her, kicking and screaming, away from tess as she willingly walked to her death.
slower than when she was trapped in that awful cell with only the smell of rotting flesh and david to keep her company.
dina had ellie sit up to check her vitals as jesse checked on tommy. he was awake and appeared to be in denial over his beloved big brother.
ellie's eyes never left joel, something dina seemed to notice. she helped ellie up, moving her towards the door, when ellie turned and began walking towards joel. dina tried to stop her to no avail. she kept walking, dropping to her knees beside her dad's body. she closed his eyes and rolled him over, before pulling his head onto her lap. she stroked her hands through his hair as gently as she could, staying far away from the gaping hole in his skull. tears began to make their way down her cheeks (like she hadn't been crying for god knows how long already), and she let out the most agonising sob she'd ever heard come out of her own body. louder than when she had to watch riley get infected and die. more painful than when joel had found and comforted her after that winter.
dina made her way over to where she was sitting, pulling her into a hug and whispering things like, "I'm sorry" over and over and over again, all the while ellie continued screaming for joel and clutching him to her chest.
she screamed for joel. for tess. for henry and sam, and everyone else she'd lost. for riley. for her mother.
somewhere, deep in her agonised mind, she wished they'd never left the Boston QZ.