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Sal unzips his backpack to grab his swim trunks.
This has become somewhat of a nightly tradition, going out to the lake.
He feels genuine excitement spark as soon as the clock strikes midnight, awaiting the serene, bug-filled, starry night.
Along with the swimsuit, he decides to bring his entire backpack, as it holds backup clothes and his precious nicotine deliverance.
He opens the door and walks down the creaky hallway, not minding the noise since finding out the older councillors don’t even sleep in the same cabins.
The sign that glows neon under the moonlight reads BEARS, and he never gets tired of reading the same thing every time he sneaks out.
The dried mud beneath him crumbles as he makes his way off the main path.
A rough-hewn trail leads him deeper into the woods where, eventually, he sees a bright disc reflecting against the floor. He can see only silhouettes of trees and bushes and nothing else, as he stumbles toward it.
The moon lights the rest of the way through thick brush, eventually reflecting white painted lines on the calm water.
As always, he leaves unneeded belongings at the shoreline, where he frequents interactions with frogs, mice, and snakes.
Never did Sal think that he was going to learn to swim with one hand, simply for the sole purpose of keeping his cigarettes afloat while he makes his way to the dock. It sits near the middle of the lake, cleanly, despite the millions of barnacles making home beneath.
The water seems a bit cooler tonight, and the dock has floated closer to shore. Lucky for Sal, he only has to go a little past the chest to reach the closest side.
Catching his breath, he claws for the rusty ladder, eventually grabbing it, along with some stray seaweed.
After ascending three steps, he stretches his arm to shove himself forward. The wood squeaks against his wet palms, causing him to stop before throwing the pack of cigarettes over on the hardened surface.
After calming his breathing into a regulated rhythm, he relaxes, finally. The burgers he had for dinner sure didn’t help his swimming ability.
He appreciates the slight breeze that tickles the top of his forehead, gently wiping away stray droplets. He moves a little further onto the boards until the cigarette pack rests on the wood beside him.
With a sigh, Sal tugs the cigarettes out of the box along with a lighter. As soon as he lights up, the atmosphere seems to get even more composed. He swallows the smoke that enters his lungs and bloodstream smoothly, only exhaling a small portion that originally entered.
At this point, the crickets seem louder than the past few nights, almost buzzing a steady beat. Their hypnotic chirps float around him like friends, accompanying him on another journey.
Sal doesn’t really mind, instead feeling blissfully peaceful, and excited for the moment when fireflies make their appearance.
In the midst of overlapping sounds of earth’s blessings, Sal hears silent splashing nearby. With an exhale of smoke, he sits up, hoping to catch a fish jumping out of the water.
It looks black—the lake. And untouched, besides a small ripple.
Startled, he forgets about tapping the extra ash off his cigarette.
He hears a faint shout, followed by a pebble hitting the side of the hardwood.
“Sal?”
He recognizes the voice immediately, and the figure that throws small rocks at the dock.
“Trav!” He shouts back, quickly standing up. His heart races faster, and he feels a sudden fervent excitement.
"Relax, you're okay!" Travis yells back to his Sal, clearly noticing his worried body language.
He has to admit he did giggle.
“Come here!” Sal shouts, feeling as though every rational, anxiety filled thought has left his head.
He doesn’t fear talking to Travis alone anymore, or asking him to hang out, or using his nickname;
The only thing he fears now, is getting caught.
“I have no swimsuit!” Travis exclaims, kicking his sneakers off and dipping his toes in the water.
He takes a few steps closer after rolling his pants up to the knees. They don’t have to scream at one another anymore, but Travis now sees Sal’s waist, lit up brightly by the blinding light.
Sal thinks for a moment, taking another few puffs of his cigarette to sober his infatuated mind.
“Go in your underwear.” He suggests after finishing the cigarette, and resting his hands on the wooden edge of the dock innocently.
“What?! No way, Sal. That would be awkward.” Travis retorts.
Sal’s eyebrows raise.
“It’s the same thing as swim-trunks.” He argues, desperate to see Travis up close beneath the moon, surrounded by nothing else except the black night.
Travis sighs, feeling defeated. The truth spills out in pitiful confessions.
“I’m uhh,”
Sal listens intently, leaning himself on wrinkled palms.
“I’m not wearing anything under my pants.” His face turns red, and even Sal can tell, with his poor vision, in the dark, and from a distance.
“You’re not.. You’re not wearing underwear?” Sal confirms loudly, shouting over the thick atmosphere.
The blonde chucks his hands in the air. “Listen, I was just going on a walk! I wasn’t expecting— anything.”
Sal throws a weak chuckle towards the shoreline.
“Just..” He fails to get his sentence out without bursting into a melted mess. “Just go naked.”
Immediately they share flustered feelings and tight knots everywhere in the stomach.
Sal eyes over any expressions he can focus on, and Travis feels like he might throw up.
He stutters around his words for a bit. “N-No, no. That’s embarrassing.”
Sal shoots him a confused look, that he isn’t sure if Travis can even see, but Travis continues nonetheless.
“You have your swimsuit,” He explains. “And I'd just be— naked, I mean, that’s weird!”
Sal explodes in a fit of giggles.
“And embarrassing and awkward!” Travis adds.
After they share a far-away laughter, Sal perks up, standing on his feet and tugging at his waistband. He lights up another cigarette in the process, occupying himself aimlessly.
“I’ll take these off then, too, so you don’t feel awkward.”
The tone of his voice shouldn’t have done anything to Travis, but it sends chills all the way down his spine.
It was such an odd reaction from Sal.
A nervous buzz makes its presence known within him,
and Sal could probably read every damn shift of emotions in his anxious stare.
They watch each other silently until Sal slides his swim trunks off slowly, letting them fall to his ankles.
His mind seems to surprise himself with every second spent at camp, and suddenly, he doesn’t feel so scared anymore. He stands naked before Travis, puffing away at his cigarette in deafening silence.
Travis’ heart drops at the sight of Sal stripping himself to the bone. His skin glows alabaster, and neither of them make any movement for a few seconds.
Sal puts the cigarette out on the wood beneath, then swiftly jumps off the deep end of the dock, butt-naked.
The boy breathes in sharply through his nose, swallowing the enormous lump of saliva that filled his mouth. Sal didn’t even realize how loud he was when he screamed in excitement.
“Fuck.” Travis exhales, being completely swept under.
He begins stripping on the shore quickly, tossing his clothes by Sal’s backpack. His heart skips a beat even just having his own clothes next to Sal’s belongings.
Before he can fully make sense of the situation, he stands naked before the lake, and runs in before Sal sees his bare body.
Sal takes a breath as his head bobs out of the water.
“Come on. Swim with me.” He says shyly, barely loud enough for Travis to hear.
Just his voice—his goddamned voice, sends Travis into a spiral.
They swim closer to each other, so they can stand in waist-deep water together.
“You wanna go lie down?” Sal asks, nodding towards the dock.
Immediately, without hesitation, Travis nods, following Sal through the murky water.
Their shadows cling to the shoreline as they stumble through their childish giggles.
“Look away.” Travis tells him as he props himself to climb the rusted steps.
Sal does as instructed. The feeling between them is electrifying; it only feels wrong, when there’s nothing to do about it.
Sal climbs up after him, eyes closed.
“I’m gonna lay down.” Travis announces.
Sal, with his hands held over his eyes, bursts out into more lighthearted laughter.
“If I can’t look at you, you can’t look at me.” He mutters through a series of muffled giggles.
“That’s so dangerous, Sal!”
“Okay,” Sal says, brainstorming.
“How about… we just look at each other's eyes while we lay down..?”
Travis stares back, eyebrows raised, in mild curiosity. He feels an unbearable urge to just, be himself. At this point, there is nothing to shield himself from Sal.
“Mhm, mhmm. As opposed to our toes?”
“What else?” Sal responds.
They burst into another fit of laughter, only riling each other more with each snicker.
Like little boys, they hop around the topic, unable to open their eyes.
“Okay, three.” Travis starts counting down, feeling the shiver of the summer night brush past his shoulders.
“Two.” Sal continues, feeling oddly warm despite the weather.
“One.” They exclaim in unison, holding eye contact.
Travis watches Sal’s generous smile grow as he climbs up on the dock to face him.
They stand in front of each other, bare chests making it hard to hold the lock on the vision.
As they lay on the wood, they stay silent. The giggles have disappeared, and all that’s left is the loud ringing, telling them to stop being so shy.
They lay down on their backs in unison, and turn to face the sky, painted with glitter stars.
“Wow.” Travis says. “The sky is so beautiful.”
“Yeah.” Sal agrees, closing his eyes.
And they remain like that, admiring the darkness overhead. Admiring the complexity of serenity and tranquility of what the earth had built specifically for this moment.
It occurs to Sal: this, right here. This is what makes him feel like he has wings. Suddenly, his throat itches and he spits out a small cough.
Travis spins his head to him immediately, squinting against the dark blanket that clouds the big shining star.
Sal turns to look at him.
Travis studies his naked chest; how it gleams beneath the moonlight.
“You’re looking.” Sal points out bluntly, only to be doing the same.
“I know.” Travis answers and looks into the eyes of the pale boy next to him.
They match his hair; electrifyingly blue.
“ Are you looking at me?” Sal questions softly, almost afraid of finding out the answer.
“I don’t know if it counts as looking.”
Travis smirks to himself. He wonders if the sky knows that they’re looking at the same stars, in the same place, at the same time.
He searches for every loose freckle on Sal’s body, mimicking the stars. Tracing every part of Sal that he can see with his eyes.
“Can I look at you?” Sal asks gently, heart painted on his skinny bicep.
They lock eyes once more, cutting the air clean in half.
“Yeah.” Travis agrees, feeling like he’s doing something rebellious.
He thinks of his 15 year old self; how he’d react to this moment. How he longed for this moment, for the longest time. But he doesn’t dare dwell on the past.
“I want to swim with you.” He says, unprompted.
Sal flashes an undeniably toothy grin.
“I want to swim with you too, Trav.”
They share the same routine as before, only holding eye contact for as long as they move their slender bodies in unison.
Travis raises himself, barely holding his tanned torso up.
“I wish we could fly, or jump off the cliff up there, or just fall asleep.” Sal adds suddenly, the sweet blush across his cheeks seeming to glimmer like the stars above.
Travis smiles brightly at him, and grabs his hand. It feels soft, slender, and already dry from the cool breeze. His mind fogs up.
Sal squeezes his hand, preparing himself to drown, even though he knows he won't. He knows that right now, he feels more alive than he has since birth.
It occurs to him, that while some things happen naturally, others have to happen by their own decision. And so, Sal moves Travis’ hand with his, and places it onto his thigh.
“Can you touch me here?” He asks, politely, like a dandelion blooming for the first time.
They turn to face one another instead of facing the wet canvas that soaks in the light ever so gently. And Travis does.
He touches Sal’s thigh, rubbing his thumb against soft skin. It’s smooth, pale.
“Jump in with me.” Travis half-asks, half-commands.
Nonetheless, Sal isn’t opposed at all. He takes Travis’ fingers in between his, and turns back towards the water.
“Three,”
“Two,”
The two squeeze all the running blood from their palms.
“One!” They shout in unison, jumping off of the wood and into the water.
They sink together for a second, and Travis finds either sides of Sal’s face and presses a kiss to his cheek.
Even with the shock of the temperature, Sal feels it. He really feels it.
Like hot liquid from the sun melting his face, yet leaving his soul intact.
Like death itself was what it felt like to have Travis’ lips pressed against his skin. He turns around to kiss him, but they break apart before any serious attempt can take place.
When Sal breaks free from the water, he grabs a hold of the dock, seeing Travis already there.
“Get up, we’re jumping again!” Travis says, lifting himself up onto the wood.
He doesn’t cover himself up this time, leaving Sal to do the same. However, he’s too short to use only his arms, So Travis watches him climb up the ladder and stand, slender body out in the open.
When they stand next to one another to jump into the lake again, Travis takes Sal’s hand again.
“Sal,” He hums in a low tune.
He turns to him, admiring his beautifully soft, yet painfully scarred features.
He can’t stand looking for too long, before he presses his wet skin against Sal’s. Their lips collide like crashing waves by the seaside, foaming at the mouth like the the sea foam that forms at early dawn.
They can’t even help themselves. Their bodies glide against each other like wet cement, holding onto each and every particle.
Travis explores Sal’s tongue. How he tastes, specifically under the stars, right here, right now. He wants to taste him a little longer, just to remember.
He needs to make sure he never forgets.
Sal chases after Travis’ tongue, breathing heavy into his mouth.
And when he gets it; he savours every single last drop of his love, swallowing it whole. They grasp for wet shoulders and thighs in a weak attempt to hold themselves up.
Sal never knew that this is what kissing should feel like. Real kissing, between two who are in love.
It feels like the world around you has stopped, and the only thing that matters is the sweet scent of their salty skin.
He craves it. He craves him. The only time they break apart is only to catch their erratic breaths.
And God , it has never felt so good being unable to breathe.
To drown in a lover’s desperate touches.