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"He can't let go of a bad relationship."
TK is almost sure those words weren’t aimed at him or his relationship with Carlos.
However, it doesn’t stop the words from bouncing around his mind on repeat for the rest of the day. With everything that’s going on and the tension between them, it makes TK deeply uncomfortable in a way that he hasn’t been in a very long time.
It also makes him wonder if Carlos thinks their relationship is a bad one, even though TK logically knows that Carlos doesn’t think that.
He still spends the day overthinking it, pulling it apart, and allowing his anxiety to seep down to his bones and convince him of things that may not be true.
Maybe Carlos doesn’t think their relationship is bad now , but what about the past? TK knows he’s made numerous mistakes and ran more times than he should have, but he doesn’t think things were ever bad enough to consider their relationship a bad one.
But maybe Carlos does. Maybe he thinks taking TK back after the breakup has been a mistake. Maybe there’s a part of Carlos who wishes he never took TK back.
Maybe Carlos feels like if he hadn't taken TK back he wouldn't be in this situation and Iris wouldn't be missing.
There are a lot of maybe’s that TK’s thinking of, and none of them are good and he also knows that none of them are true - probably - but he still thinks about it.
All day, the heavy thoughts weigh on him and he just can’t wrap his mind around them. He can’t convince himself that Carlos doesn’t regret being with him and is having second thoughts about marrying him.
It’s why TK shows up at the hospital after his shift to try and talk to Carlos.
He doesn’t want to intrude on Carlos visiting Iris and making sure that she is okay, but with the way he is feeling he knows he needs to talk to Carlos or he is going to spiral and he is sure that it isn’t going to lead to anywhere good.
TK lingers by the door to Iris’ room, feeling awkward and like he’s intruding. He looks in, watching Carlos and Iris talking together softly.
He’s about to take a step in and let them know that he’s there when Iris looks his way. She seems to brighten, a soft smile on her face.
“TK! I was just asking Carlos if you were going to be able to stop by,” Iris says.
TK furrows his brow in confusion. “Why?”
“Well to thank you for working on me after he saved me,” Iris says and gestures for him to come further into the room.
“I was just doing my job,” TK says, glancing at Carlos nervously. He isn’t sure if Carlos is still upset with him, but he’s met with a soft simile and a look of regret.
“I know, but I still want to,” Iris says. “And as soon as I’m out of here we’ll get the annulment so you two can get married. You two belong to each other.”
TK gives her a soft smile, unsure of what to say because he’s not even sure if that’s still something that Carlos wants.
He hopes that it is.
There’s an awkward silence for a few moments before TK sighs and turns to Carlos.
“Can I talk to you for a moment?”
Carlos nods without hesitation and stands up. “Sure. I need to stretch my legs anyway, sitting around the hospital is never fun.”
TK hums and walks out of the room, allowing Carlos to fall into step beside him.
“I’m sorry,” Carlos says after a few moments of silence between them. “I never should have directed my frustration to you or made you feel like it was your fault that Iris went missing.”
“It could have been-”
“No,” Carlos cuts him off. “Even if it had been, I shouldn’t have acted that way. I’m sorry I put that on you instead of just talking to you. And I’m sorry about all of… this. I know I should have told you sooner and-”
TK sighs, nodding. “Thank you for apologizing, Carlos. I… That makes me feel better.”
“But there’s something else wrong.”
It’s a statement, not a question. TK isn’t surprised that Carlos can see past this poorly constructed walls.
“What did you mean earlier? About not being able to let go of a bad relationship?” TK bites his lip before he continues. “Did you mean us? Do you… are you starting to regret us?”
Carlos stops in his tracks and it takes TK a few moments to realize that. He stops and turns, mildly surprised that Carlos is looking at him with shock on his face.
“What? Regret us?” Carlos asks. He closes the few steps between them, putting his hand on TK’s arm. “I would never regret us, any part of us.”
“Are you sure? I know it hasn’t been the easiest time, being with me,” TK says, not even trying to hide the pain and turmoil he is feeling. “I know I’ve hurt you more than I should have, that I’ve not been the best boyfriend and probably haven’t been the best fiancé-”
“TK,” Carlos cuts him off. He looks around before pulling him into the empty room that they were next to. “I wasn’t talking about us and I am so sorry that you thought that.”
“Then what were you talking about?” TK asks, desperation in his voice. “Because you haven’t had anyone before me but Iris-”
“I was talking about Iris and me,” Carlos says, looking down and avoiding TK’s gaze.
“Oh,” TK says. He’s expected to be filled with some kind of relief but it doesn’t come.
“Iris and I, we never should have gotten married, and even when things got bad…” Carlos shakes his head. “I should have made more of an effort to get the divorce finalized before now. There are so many excuses that I can throw out, but none of them make any of this better and it doesn’t change anything that I’ve done - then or now.”
TK reaches out, his heart aching for Carlos. He wants to push the way he feels aside and comfort Carlos, but he can’t because the way he feels matters too.
“Are you positive that it’s not about us? Because in that moment, and with how upset you’ve been with me, it really felt like it.”
Carlos shakes his head and TK notices that there are tears welling up in his eyes.
“I promise I didn’t mean us. TK, all I want right now is to marry you,” Carlos says, voice already rough from tears that TK knows he won’t let fall. “I’m sorry I’ve been upset with you - none of this has been your fault. I was frustrated when I found out you went to see Iris without telling me and with her missing, you being the last person to see her… It wasn’t your fault but it was so easy to blame you because you were there. I’m sorry, TK, I really am.”
TK nods, averting his gaze because even the apology makes his heart hurt. The admittance that it was so easy to blame TK in that moment instead of reaching out for comfort - it stings to know that.
He feels Carlos’ hand on his face, gently turning it until he’s looking at Carlos.
“I mean it. I am sorry, and I promise that when all of this settles I am going to make it up to you.” Carlos hesitates for a moment before stepping into TK’s space. TK can’t help but lean into his body, craving the touch that he hasn’t gotten for 24 hours. “I know I’m the one who’s fucked us up this time.”
“You haven’t fucked us up, Carlos,” TK says. “I still want to marry you. Do you still want to marry me?”
“More than anything in this world.”
TK leans forward, pressing his forehead against Carlos’ shoulder. “Then we’ll get married, as soon as we can.”
TK feels Carlos wrap his arms around him and he lets out a small whimper. It’s such a simple touch but with the tension that had been between them and the cold looks that Carlos had sent his way it feels monumental.
“I love you, TK. I don’t want you to ever doubt that,” Carlos murmurs and TK feels the press of his lips in his hair. “You’re my person, my only person.”
TK nods into his chest. “I love you too, Carlos.”
“We’ll talk about this soon, okay?” Carlos pulls back. “The detective is going to come and talk to Iris so we can catch whoever did this. Tonight, we’ll talk, okay?”
TK nods. “Okay. I’ll go ahead and go then, just let me know when you’re on your way home.”
“I will.”