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“Hey, thank you for saving my life,” Carlos says and TK smiles, of course, Carlos would thank him.
“Oh baby, you saved your own life. I was just holding onto it for a little while,” TK says softly, not taking his eyes off the man he loves more than anything.
“It’s yours,” Carlos says, reaching out and cupping TK’s neck.
TK lets out a shuddering breath, his heart still beating hard from the fear that was still coursing through his veins. There's a tremor running through his body, intense and almost all-consuming but when Carlos touches him and his hand wraps around TK's neck, it seems to stop for just that moment.
Carlos is alive and TK was the one to save him.
That was something that TK knows he is always going to think about.
TK closes his eyes briefly, reaching out to touch Carlos too.
His heart skips a beat or two as Carlos' words echo around in his mind.
"It's yours."
So often, they have told each other that they're each other's world, but it's never felt as intense as this moment. It feels more intense, more real, more solid , knowing that his world had almost slipped away permanently.
TK knows that he wouldn't have survived that.
After a few moments, he steps back, reluctantly, and lets them load Carlos into the ambulance. Taking a moment to breathe, he decides to call his dad to update him on what has happened - even though his dad hasn’t returned any of his calls or messages.
When he gets sent to voicemail, he sighs.
“Seriously?” He shakes his head and puts his phone back into his pocket and climbs in next to Carlos.
--
When they arrive at the hospital, they immediately take Carlos back for a multitude of scans since he got hit in the head with a shovel to make sure he doesn’t have any lasting brain injuries. Carlos protests, of course, and claims that he’s fine but after TK gives him a look he goes without much of a peep.
That was 25 minutes ago, and TK feels like he’s vibrating out of his skin.
“Mijo, you need to sit,” Andrea says eventually. She’s still fussing over Carlos’ bed, wanting to make sure it was perfect. Iris had been made to go back to her room to rest around ten minutes ago.
“I… I can’t,” TK says, chewing on his lip.
Andrea stops and walks over to him, placing a soft hand on his arm.
“He’s okay now, all thanks to you,” she says softly, looking at him with so much gratitude he’s sure that he’s going to burst.
TK shakes his head, “If I-”
Andrea shook her head, “No, you’re not going to finish that sentence and you’re not going to blame yourself. TK, mijo, none of this is your fault. You need to accept that the bad things that happen to the people you love are not a reflection on you or your actions.”
TK lets out a shuddering breath, a tear slipping down his cheek because he wants to believe her, but there’s that tiny voice in his head that says he could have prevented all of this.
Andrea pulls him into a tight hug and he goes willingly, melting into her embrace.
It’s almost as good as being in his mother's arms.
“I will never be able to repay you for bringing my baby back to me, TK,” she whispers into his ear. “You saved his life, and I will always be thankful for that. There is nobody in this world that is more right for him.”
TK lets out a soft sob and lets her comfort him, crying as quietly as he can into her shoulder. Eventually, he calms down and pulls away.
“Go get yourself cleaned up, mijo. Carlos will be back soon.”
TK nods and doesn’t argue. He needs a few moments to gather himself so that he can be strong for Carlos. He can’t be falling apart when Carlos needs him.
He walks out of the room and lets his feet carry him to a bathroom down the hallway, familiar with the pathway because of how many times he’s been in the hospital in the last few years.
He enters and heads straight for the sink, turning it on and splashing some water in his face. It’s only then that he notices the bit of dried blood on his hand and his heart stops.
It’s Carlos’ blood.
He makes a strangled noise, staring at it as he’s transported back.
Carlos laying, eyes closed, and not breathing.
Carlos' pulse was weak before not being there at all under his fingertips.
The desperate “come on, baby, come on” that had fallen from TK’s lips.
The feeling of breathing air into his lungs.
Carlos’ ribs, cracking under his touch as he desperately tried to push life back into his body.
And TK loses it.
He whimpers, turning the water on full blast as the events just flicker past his eyes, making his heartache in ways that were even worse than when his mother died.
He scrubs at his hand, washing away the blood, and continues scrubbing until his eyes are blurry with tears and his skin is red from how hard he’s trying to rub away the blood and the memories.
TK shuts the water off and stumbles back, hitting the wall and sliding down. He stuffs a fist into his mouth and allows himself to let out a muffled scream, the weight of what had happened, of what he had almost lost weighing settling on him now.
He lets himself cry, violent sobs wrecking through his body as he sits there and shakes. He tries to forget the image of Carlos laying there, lifeless and tries to forget the way it felt to desperately try to breathe life back into him. But he can’t, it’s something that he’s going to have burned in his mind forever and he’s sure to have nightmares about it.
His brain tries to supply what if’s, fueled by anxiety and unfounded guilt, but he does his best to not listen to them and remember that Andrea said this wasn’t his fault.
It’s not his fault. Carlos is alive because of him. He saved Carlos’ life.
He repeats those words to himself over and over again until the images of his lifeless body fade and his body stops shaking. He’s not sure how long he’s been on the floor of the bathroom, arms around his body and holding himself together but he’s sure it’s been too long for it to go unnoticed.
TK pulls himself up off the floor and dusts himself off, walking back over to the sink. He turns it on and splashes his face with water a few times before taking a chance to look in the mirror. His eyes are rimmed red, a sign that he’s been crying. There really isn’t much he can do so he shuts off the water, grabs a few scratchy paper towels, and dries off his face and hands.
“Be strong for Carlos,” he tells himself in the mirror as he gives himself a fierce look.
He’s unsure if it’ll work.
After a few deep breaths, he opens the door and heads back to Carlos’ room.
--
The first thing he notices when he steps in is Carlos in the hospital bed. He looks small, despite his size, and so so tired. He’s hunched in on himself, eyes rimmed with dark circles and despite the smile, he’s trying to put on for his mom and dad, there’s a tightness to his face that tells TK that he’s barely holding it together.
It all makes TK want to scoop him up in his arms and keep him close, never letting anyone hurt him again.
Instead, TK lingers in the doorway, looking in as if he was some outsider not allowed to be a part of the moment. He doesn’t want to take away from Carlos visiting with his parents - they almost lost him too - even though he physically aches to touch Carlos, to feel his warm skin under his fingertips and know without a doubt that he’s okay.
He must make some noise, or maybe Carlos just senses that he’s still there, because Carlos’ head jerks up and his gaze meets TK’s.
TK watches as a genuine, real smile spreads across his face and he leans forward as if there’s a magnet pulling them together.
“TK,” he says softly.
The two syllables of his name falling from Carlos’ lips is enough to get TK to move his feet and push into the room.
Carlos reaches out and TK immediately grabs onto his hand, clinging to it desperately. When he feels Carlos’ warm skin under his, he lets out a sigh, his body relaxing.
Carlos is alive.
“We’ll leave you for now, mijo,” Gabriel says, glancing between TK and Carlos. “You’re in good hands.”
TK drops his hand so that Gabriel and Andrea can hug him goodbye.
“Baby,” TK says, voice rough and full of emotion when they leave. He grabs Carlos’ hand again and holds it tightly - probably a little too tight.
“I’m here,” Carlos says, pulling on TK’s arm gently so he has to lean forward.
TK goes willingly and wraps his arms around Carlos.
“I’m here baby, I’m safe,” Carlos says and TK nods, hiding his face in his neck for a few moments before pulling back.
“What did the doctors say?” He asks, getting up to look at his charts.
He misses the way Carlos pouts at him when he moves away to look.
“I have a concussion and they want to monitor me for a few hours, maybe overnight. They’re running more tests to see how the morphine is going to affect my system if it affects it at all.”
TK nods and looks over the chart, reading every detail. When a nurse comes in a few moments later he asks her dozens of questions - all of which she answers patiently even though TK knows he’s being annoying with how much he’s asking.
He just can’t help it. He needs to know every detail.
“TK, you can stop pacing,” Carlos says after the nurse has left and TK’s taken up pacing around the room to try and get rid of some of the nervous energy that he was filled with.
He wants to be able to sit and just hold Carlos, but his mind is going 100 miles a minute, and knows that if he does, he’s going to break down again.
He doesn’t want to do that in front of Carlos.
“I’m just…” TK trails off and picks up Carlos’ chart again and checks it. There’s nothing different, nobody has come in and changed it, yet TK still looks.
“TK I’m fine,” Carlos says again and TK looks at him.
“Carlos, your heart stopped , you were drugged . You need to be here, they have to make sure you’re okay and that there aren’t going to be any lingering complications and -”
“TK, baby, stop, you’re going to get yourself worked up,” Carlos says, and TK knows that he’s trying to keep him from spiraling but it’s too late.
TK looks at Carlos and all he can see is him lying on the floor, dead.
TK’s worst nightmare had come to life and even though he had saved Carlos and Andrea had told him it wasn’t, he couldn’t help but feel like this was somehow his fault - his anxiety creeping back in as he looks at Carlos.
Carlos never should have been in this situation and there should have been something he could do to stop it from happening. TK wasn’t sure what but he was sure there was a way for him to prevent Carlos from getting so hurt.
“TK I need you to breathe,” Carlos says and TK tries .
He tries, he really does, but his chest feels tight and his face is wet.
Carlos gets up and TK tries to protest, but all that comes out is a broken sob. Carlos shouldn’t be comforting him , it should be the other way around.
The moment Carlos’ arms are wrapped around him, TK just loses it for the second time. A sob rips through his body, more intense than he thought was possible, and then more follow until he’s shaking in Carlos’ arms.
He buries his face in Carlos’ neck, pressing right up against the pulse point so that he could feel Carlos’ heartbeat, strong and steady, and know that Carlos is alive and TK hasn’t lost him.
“I’m here baby. I’m here and I’m alive and it’s all because of you,” Carlos says, rubbing his back and giving him all of the comfort that TK was craving at that moment. TK wants nothing more than to be the one giving Carlos comfort right now, after all, he had been held hostage by a serial killer, but TK just needs this one moment.
Carlos pulls back just far enough to take TK’s hand and press it firmly against his chest so that TK can feel the steady beat of his heart.
He’s not sure how long he cries, but eventually, the tears dry out and he’s able to pull back and look at Carlos.
“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t be comforting me right now,” TK says, wiping his eyes. “You-”
Carlos shakes his head and cuts him off, “No, none of that. I am so grateful that I get this moment with you, that I get to hold you in my arms and let you feel that I’m alive. I was sure I was never going to see you again and I-”
TK looks up as Carlos’ voice cracks and he cuts himself off, shaking his head and pinching his lips together.
“It’s okay, baby, you can let it out. You went through something so traumatic,” TK says, leading Carlos back over to the bed and making him sit back down.
TK waits until Carlos is fully back into the bed, under the blanket with tears streaming down his face, and crawls in next to him. He knows the nurses are going to yell at him but he doesn’t care, he needs to be close to his fiancé.
TK maneuvers them until Carlos is cradled against him, head on TK’s chest.
“Let it all out, baby, I’ll be right here. I’m never letting you go again,” TK says, rubbing his back. It only takes a few moments before TK feels a shudder go through Carlos and he finally lets it all out, crying against TK’s chest.
“I love you so much Carlos,” TK says softly and he leans down and kisses the top of Carlos’ head. “I’ll always find you, I promise. I’ll move heaven and earth to make sure you’re always in my arms.”
“I love you too,” Carlos says, clinging tightly to TK, and TK clings back just as hard.
He’s not sure what will happen the next day or how Carlos will recover from this, but he is sure of one thing - Carlos was his life and he was never going to let him go.