Chapter Text
“Your goodness are you well?” Glinda unfroze, returning to her senses, remembering that here and now is not the time for one of her meltdowns.
“Y-Yes of course Benjamin, I think I just might need some air, it’s getting a bit frowzy in here.” She whispered to the Munchkin servant, determined not to break down before she leaves another party celebrating the death of- Glinda bites her cheek so as not to even think her name.
“Of course your goodness, I’ll never understand your intriguing vocabulary and aversion during these parties. There’s a hidden balcony through that hall and to the left.” The brunette Munchkin points at Glinda’s favorite secluded hallway.
“Thank you very much Benjamin.” Glinda forces out and quickly exits the room avoiding the party guests. With no effort she finds the balcony as she’s been here before, but she wouldn’t be one to tell Benjamin because of why she was here.
Glinda grips the railing like a life support and she thinks that of course it is. There have been more nights where she’s tried and failed to jump over these rails to plummet down below than she has fingers. Glinda exhales a heavy breath letting the anxiety, grief, and pure agony out of her.
It’s been 6 months since Elphie was washed away with that bucket of water, 6 months of Glinda without Elphaba, 6 months of Glinda reminding herself that it’s her fault Elphie’s dead.
Glinda’s legs start wobbling but she doesn’t let herself fall, clinging onto the rail as tears start pouring down her face and her breathing unevens into sobs.
Her fault, Her fault, Glinda reminds herself. If only she had saved her Elphie, If only she had gone on with her on her broom, if only she was brave enough. She doesn’t deserve the love or luxury she receives, because they look up to someone she’s not.
Glinda forces her heavy cries down and forces herself to look over the railing. She did what Elphie wanted her to do, she fixed Oz, what if it was Glinda’s turn to give up?
What if Glinda wanted to give up? She doesn’t deserve to live, she doesn’t deserve anything good that she has. This world pounding grief and anxiety can only be taken for so long before someone breaks.
And Glinda’s already broken.
Her anxiety screams at her at the thought of dying, tearing at her mind and reminding her of the nearly unbreakable human will to live. Usually at this point her anxiety would scream loud enough over her grief and her shaking hands would let go of the railing.
This time her guilt screamed louder.
The guilt takes her on autopilot and she puts her leg over the railing and before she knows it both of her legs are on the other side and the only thing keeping her alive is the oxygen entering her lungs and her arms holding onto the railing for dear life. Glinda wants to scream and she isn’t sure if she does or not but she’s sure she just imagined it. She didn’t scream for herself, she screamed for Elphaba.
The dead love of her life thanks to her.
Thanks to her.
Thanks to stupid Glinda.
Cowardly, Brainless, heartless Glinda.
Cowardly Lion?
More like Cowardly Glinda.
Brainless Scarecrow?
More like brainless Glinda.
Heartless Tinman?
More like heartless Glinda.
Wicked witch of the west?
More like Wicked Glinda of Oz.
She’s truly a repulsive evil soul who hides behind masks.
She knows more than anyone that she doesn't deserve this life.
Her, Glinda.
She’s the one who should have died instead of the purest soul in Oz. Glinda’s mind pours with thoughts of self loathing but she only hears the ones that speak loudest.
Her anger bubbles up and she tears her crown off her head and throws it down below, knowing she’d rather not die wearing that stupid symbol of something she’s not. Elphaba deserved to live; it was Elphaba who was the good one. Glinda repeats over and over, about how she was the true wicked one, for how can a person be so wicked they back out of saving the life of the one they love most?
Glinda’s mind yells, tears, and screams. Looking down below her she believes she should be scared, but she isn’t. She deserves this. She reminds herself. Then why won’t she let go? She tries and tries to fight the survival urge to hold onto the railing and all she does is release a blood curdling scream of agony. She won’t stop thinking. Her mind won’t be silent. It won’t shut off. She wants to stop thinking. She wants to let go. The blonde trembles violently, not hearing the quiet footsteps behind her.
“Glinda? What are you doing?” A familiar voice cautiously calls behind from Glinda. The voice she keeps imagining and the voice that keeps her awake at night.
“Go away! I know you’re not real- You’re dead-..” Glinda’s voice cracks at the end, she doesn’t look back, she closes her eyes but the tears continue rolling down her face. She doesn’t want to deal with another hysterical hallucination, she doesn’t want to deal with this pain anymore, she doesn't want to wear her mask anymore, she just wants to end this so it all can stop.
“Glin-”
“You’re not real. These hallucinations have happened before. You’re dead. You’re dead. You’re dead. And it’s my fault, my fault. My fault. My fault. I’ve done what you asked of me, I fixed Oz for you Elphie, I did it. I did it! And now I can finally die and finally see you again and finally be able to tell you how much I love you and how much I’m sorry. Did I tell you that I’m sorry? Did I? DID I?!” Glinda’s hysteria pulling her apart and her grip loosening as she screams at who she thinks isn’t there.
Only does she turn and see Elphaba behind her crying in horror and looking all too real does she begin hyperventilating once again.
Instead of looking angry to see Glinda like Elphaba does in her hysterics she looks concerned, shaken, and sorry. Only then does Glinda question the possibility.
“Y-You’re dead right? You’re just another hallucination to torment me before I jump r-right?” Glinda sputters but all Elphaba does is shake her head no and she slowly steps closer to the railing where Glinda is.
“Come on, come back over the railing Glinda.”
“ANSWER THE QUESTION ELPHABA THROPP!”
“Glin- I- Yes I’m alive. I’m sorry I kept it from you but I had to keep you safe.” Elphaba admits staring at Glinda with her guilt ridden eyes and Glinda once again feels all too much. The million thoughts and flashbacks painfully flash in less than seconds in the hysterical witch's mind. She looks back at the green girl behind her and tries to believe it but then all she can see is her Elphie melting into nothing.
“NO! YOU’RE LYING! You wouldn’t do that to me! I love you! You wouldn’t.. you wouldn’t..” Glinda breaks more than she thought she could and she just sobs in agony.
Her grip on the railing slipped.
Taking her last chance Elphaba runs up to her and a strong familiar pair of arms wrap around Glinda’s waist before she falls down below.
“Not yet, my sweet” Elphaba whispers into Glinda’s ear, holding her as tight as she can.
Glinda gasps at the familiar warmth and safety she feels and doesn’t fight when Elphaba pulls her back over the railing and holds her in her arms. Glinda cries, screams, and sobs in her Elphie’s arms, this time in relief, anger, consternation, and happiness.
“I love you too Glinda.” Elphaba whispers comfortingly and kisses Glinda on the forehead.
“You asshole. I will yell at you a lot later for this. But for right now this is what I need.”
“I expect nothing less from you, Glin.” Elphaba professes and picks up Glinda, and holds her tightly. Glinda has no will to protest or fight Elphaba on this so she just Clings onto Elphaba like she did to that railing that kept her alive.
Glinda’s angry and relieved, she can’t say she’s glad she didn’t jump, her mind will always be against her. She’ll take Elphaba’s word though that it’s not yet time for that. It won’t be time for that as long as she has Elphie to be here for.