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Angela makes a habit of stopping by the diner to see Fiona. She still doesn’t eat the pie she orders and usually slides it toward Fiona during her breaks. She sits at the bar and talks with some of the waitresses, making Fiona blush every time she compliments her.
People are noticing. Fiona sees the way they look at her, knows the truth behind the jokes they make. She brushes off their comments, rolls her eyes at their knowing looks. She tries not to notice the way Angela’s eyes dim just slightly every time she does.
When they are away from the diner, it’s easier. Hanging out with Angela is good, great even. Movies, dinner, walks in the park. Good. It’s the most honest fun Fiona’s had in a while. She likes Angela. Really likes her and its fucking terrifying.
There was a time, months ago, when they first started hanging out that Fiona tried to convince herself it was all platonic. Angela was just her friend. It wasn’t until Angela leaned in for a kiss, when Fiona wanted it but pulled away anyway, that she realized it wasn’t platonic at all.
Her past relationships were about sex and passion and while she decided that she wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to having that with Angela, this felt different. This was comfort and warmth and a sense of excitement she had never experienced before. She’s navigating uncharted waters this time, learning more about herself with every brush of the shoulder, finger in her hair, with every look of fondness Angela directs her way.
*
Fiona doesn’t pull away this time. Angela’s lips feel soft against her own as she tentatively opens them and allows Angela to deepen the kiss. Her heart is pounding in her chest, Angela’s hands are warm against her neck. For a moment, Fiona gets lost in the way Angela feels pressed against her. Fiona doesn’t know what she’s doing but it feels good to be doing it. It feels right. Scary as hell, but right.
*
Lip finds Fiona sitting at the kitchen table in the middle of the night. Her head is in her hands and a half empty pot of coffee cools on the counter.
“Hey, what are you doing up?”
“Nothing, just thinking”
“Boy troubles?”
Fiona huffs out a laugh before she reaches past her cup of coffee to the bottle of vodka sitting on the table. “Yeah, something like that”
“You get in a fight?”
“No, it’s just—” Fiona sighs, setting the bottle down just before it reaches her lips. “Things are just really complicated. I don’t know what I’m doing and I don’t know. It feels so different this time around”
“If I had a nickel—“
“I mean it, you asshole” Their laughs fade into a comfortable silence as Lip contemplates what to say next.
“Different is good, yeah?” Fiona nods and Lip continues. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out. And if it’s really different than your past relationships, I’m sure you’re doing something right”
Fiona reaches over to smack Lip on the arm, not amused at his sarcasm. He laughs again and pushes up from the table, bringing his hands up in a stretch once he’s standing.
“Thanks Lip” Fiona says sincerely before he can reach the steps “For listening to me all these years and for stepping up every time I fucked up”
“Sure” He turns around to face Fiona full on. “You know I’m grateful for all the sacrifices you made for us. We all are. You really did a lot for us”
“Yeah” Fiona smiles tiredly at Lip. “Night”
“Night, Fi”
*
She hadn’t really thought it through much when she invited Angela over for a beer and a movie. She’s trying to re-learn how to trust her gut and not doubt herself so much. She’s nervous and on edge and spends the time waiting for Angela to arrive furiously washing the dishes.
It’s a rare night when all of the Gallagher siblings are home. She can hear Carl and Debbie fighting upstairs while Lip and Ian can be heard laughing in the kitchen. There’s a knock on the door and soon Fiona is ushering Angela toward the couch. Angela sits down next to her and Fiona fights the urge to scoot over until there is some distance between them.
Angela’s hand moves to rest on Fiona’s knee. She looks up to check if it’s alright. Fiona nods and rests her shaking hand on top. She can hardly focus on the movie, can hardly hear anything over the thumping in her ears.
“Hey, you ok?” Angela’s voice is soft and soothing.
“Yeah, I’m great” Fiona’s smile is big and bright and entirely unconvincing.
“Fiona”
“Really, I’m fine. I’m just—“. She can’t finish. Doesn’t know how to finish. She’s afraid and nervous and kind of wants to kiss Angela despite it all.
“I can leave if it’s too much”
“No, don’t leave. Stay.” Fiona smiles softly. “I want you to stay”
They turn their attention back to the movie and Fiona finds herself pressing into Angela’s side, finding comfort in the warmth of her skin against her own. By the end of the night their hands are tucked between their thighs, fingers intertwined with one another. Angela’s grip is strong and reassuring.
The movie ends and Fiona walks Angela to the door. She steps outside and closes the door behind her.
“I had fun tonight” Angela says as she brushes her hand against Fiona’s forearm.
“Me too”
Angela takes a step closer and maintains eye contact the entire time. She reaches up to run her thumb along Fiona’s cheek.
“Can I kiss you?”
Fiona nods and Angela leans in. She brings her hands up to both sides of Fiona’s face and Fiona quickly wraps her arms around Angela’s waist and deepens the kiss. Angela slides her hand into Fiona’s hair and pulls her in closer, drawing a soft moan from her lips.
They pull apart eventually. Angela laughs as Fiona tries to fix her now messy hair.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Fiona asks hopefully as Angela walks down the steps toward her car.
“Yeah, I’ll stop by the diner for some pie”
“Maybe you’ll actually eat it this time”
Angela laughs before climbing into her car and driving away. Fiona goes back inside and finds all her siblings sitting in the kitchen.
Lip hands her the carton of ice cream he had been finishing off as she leans forward against the kitchen counter.
“Who was that chick?” Carl asks from the table.
“She’s—um, well she’s this girl I’ve been—uh” She pauses briefly to take a breath “She’s this girl I’ve been kind of dating”
They all look up at her, clearly not expecting Fiona’s admission. It’s Debbie that eventually breaks the silence with a nonchalant “cool”. She quickly changes the subject to a girl at school she cannot stand and Fiona sighs in relief. She looks down to the floor and smiles to herself. She’s so fucking relieved, she could cry.
They continue talking for a bit until Fiona declares that it’s time for Carl and Debbie to go to bed. They grudgingly stomp up the stairs and go to the bathroom to brush their teeth.
Lip is the next to leave. He stands up from where he was leaning against the sink and brushes by Fiona.
“I guess you were right about it being different this time” he smirks as narrowly avoids Fiona’s swatting hand. He takes the steps two at a time and eventually shuts the door to his room.
Fiona and Ian are quiet, laughing occasionally when they hear Carl and Debbie fighting over counter space in the bathroom.
Ian eventually stands up and walks over to stand behind Fiona. He wraps his arms around her shoulder and squeezes tight.
“I’m proud of you”
Fiona huffs out a laugh. “For what?”
“Being brave”
Fiona wants to scoff. She wants to reject the compliment. She doesn’t though. She allows herself to be supported. She allows herself to feel proud.
Ian presses a kiss to the side of Fiona’s head and unwraps his arms from around her.
“You heading to Mickey’s”
“Yeah” He grabs his wallet and phone and heads toward the door. “Night”
*
She tosses and turns in her bed restlessly, unable to fall asleep.
“Fuck it” She mutters as she reaches for her phone on the dresser.
Angela answers on the fourth ring. She mutters a tired “Everything ok?”
“I told them”
“Told who what?” Angela replies, clearly confused. It didn’t help that she was asleep not a minute ago.
“I told my siblings that we’re dating” Fiona answers quickly, hardly taking a breath before she starts talking again. “I hope that’s ok. I mean, I know we haven’t really talked about it. I kind of figured we were dating but I don’t want to overstep—“
“Relax Fiona” Angela laughs. “I’m glad you told them”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah”
They eventually said their goodbyes and Fiona lays back against her pillows. She smiles to herself and wonders if this is what falling in love feels like.