Work Text:
She sits on the kitchen floor, tear-stained face in her shaking hands. Not even his leaving made her hurt more than she does now. The Fiona from before, strong and resilient, now lay broken on the linoleum, nearly swept up once again in a wave of self-destruction. That must be the true mark of Gallagher DNA. Not being an asshole, but ruining everything you had going for you. She thinks it’s just another thing she was wrong about.
But that’s the thing, when you’ve spent the last seven years of your life taking care of others, you don’t just sabotage yourself. You take the rest of them down. All the people who rely on you, they go down to. She doesn’t trust herself anymore. Not with her siblings, not with the men in her life. She doesn’t know if she ever will again.
*
She spends half her nights at Gus’ flat, in between visiting Ian and being there for her siblings. It’s easy being with him. He has no expectations, no vision of who she should be. She just is when she’s around him. She’s not letting him down. She’s not Fiona the failing caretaker, the ungrateful daughter, the cheater, or the druggie. She’s not really sure who she is anymore but for once in a long time she doesn’t have to define herself by her failures. She can ignore the hollow emptiness of his touch because empty is worlds better than guilt.
*
Even with the abundance of men in her life, Fiona still remembers the soft of Jasmine’s lips on her own. It should have felt wrong, she tried to convince herself that it felt wrong, but it didn’t. Not really. She pushed her away and when Jasmine finally left, Fiona convinced herself it’s for the best. Fiona could never reciprocate those feelings. That’s what she had thought, at least. She’s not so sure anymore.
*
Angela is sitting in her regular booth at the diner. After Jimmy left to Dubai, Fiona hadn’t expected to see her again. She hasn’t even grabbed her apron yet and Fiona is briskly walking toward the blonde.
“Thought you were leaving with Jimmy”
Her shoulders inch ever so slightly toward her ears, “change of plans”
“Didn’t want to leave behind the delicious pies” Fiona attempted to smile but couldn’t shake the knots forming in her stomach. Angela made her heart quicken and her cheeks flush but she was only ever around to scout for Jimmy. The money, the smiles, the unassuming kindness, were all tainted. She had been used.
“Something like that” Angela replies smoothly.
“Look, I don’t need your charity.” Fiona says tiredly, dejected. “Now that Jimmy’s gone, you have no reason to come around anymore”
“Fiona, I—. Look, you des—“
“No, don’t. You don’t know me” She ignores the voice in the back of her head that says her husband doesn’t either. That’s irrelevant.
Angela considers her for a moment before nodding her ‘ok’. She doesn’t leave a tip this time.
*
Fiona tells Gus about her hookup with Jimmy. They both decide to call it quits on the basis that they don’t really know much about each other. Gus suggests they try dating for a while. Fiona suggests a divorce.
*
Fiona sets the table for nine. They barely fit with Mickey joining an already full house made fuller with the addition of Sammi and Chuckie, but they’ll make it work. There’s a knock at the door and Carl goes, although not quietly, to answer it.
“Fiona, it’s for you”
“Who is it?”
“I don’t know, some chick” Carl says as Fiona passes by, silverware still in her hands.
She nears the front door and sees her.
“What the hell are you doing here? Are you stalking me now?”
“Fiona, I wanted to apologize” Angela responds looking as sincere as she always has. Fiona hates herself for feeling bad for her.
Fiona sets the forks down and slips out the front door, closing it behind her. She stares guardedly at the woman standing before her. She’s about to tell Angela to start talking before she goes back inside but she doesn’t have to, the blonde-haired woman starts talking almost immediately.
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t one hundred percent honest with you. Jimmy wanted me to keep quiet and I know that’s not an excuse, but I need you to know that I wasn’t playing you”
Fiona’s brows furrow in angry confusion. “You weren’t playing me? You showed up at my work every week so you could keep an eye on me for Jimmy. What the fuck do you mean you weren’t playing me?”
Angela smiles, although a bit insecurely and Fiona feels her face start to heat up. Whether that’s from her blushing or anger, she’s not sure. “Do you really think Jimmy needed me to stake out your work? He knew where to find you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I wanted to see you, Fiona.” Angela eyes bore into Fiona’s, but she refuses to look away. “That’s why I came to the diner. I just wanted to see you.”
Fiona doesn’t know what the fuck she’s doing but she’s telling Angela about the new raspberry pie at the diner that she just has to try the next time she comes in. She feels lightheaded and Angela looks relieved. They say their goodbyes and Fiona rushes inside to finish setting the table.
*
Work is slow for once and Angela doesn’t show until a few days later. Fiona, never the girl to feel shy around others, doesn’t know how to act around her. She fidgets with her hands until deciding that in her apron pockets is the safest place to put them.
Angela smiles when Fiona approaches. “Hey”
“Hey yourself, what can a get you?”
“Dinner? This Friday?”
Fiona hesitates briefly, trying to contain the smile threatening to spread across her face. She pulls out her notepad and jots down her number. “Sure, text me the time”
There is still so much she is unsure about, so much that scares her about whatever it is that’s going on between them. But dinner? That she can do. Even she, a Gallagher through and through, can’t seem to ruin this for herself.