Archive of Our Own

Sundays were sacred. Monday through Friday, Stede had to go to the job he hated, the Badminton twins mocking every decision he made, the ever present memory of Edward Bonnet haunting him as he passed his portrait in reception every day. Saturdays were for the kids, either picking them up for a Dad Day or swinging by to have dinner with Mary, Doug, and the gang. It was nice to have a schedule, knowing he’d get to see his kids at least one day a week. But also, it didn’t leave a ton of time for Stede to do the things he wanted to do.

Which is why Stede loved Sundays. It was the only day he had all to himself, the whole day wide open. He usually slept in a bit, making sure not to get out of bed until at least eleven. He could wake up, putz on his phone, maybe listen to a podcast, but there was no showering or getting dressed until the clock struck eleven. Then he’d get up leisurely, make a light breakfast, journey through the closet to find what he felt like wearing. Between the usual suits for work and dressing for activities with the kids, Sundays were the only days he could truly wear what he wanted.

Then he’d take himself out. Maybe there was a movie he’d been meaning to see, a book he wanted to finish, a new exhibit at the museum downtown. Sundays were his day to do whatever he wanted. And sure, maybe deep down he wanted someone else to do these things with, a partner in crime to discuss the movie afterwards with or laugh at the strange people in the coffee shop but with so little free time, when did he have the time to find them? 

“I will make you a dating profile. Please let me make you a dating profile,” Lucius had begged at lunch a few weeks ago. “You are one of the most interesting people I know and you are living such a boring life.”

“I thought you said I was weird,” Stede raised an eyebrow as he took a bite of his sandwich.

“Interesting, weird, same thing,” Lucius shrugged it off. “But seriously, you come into work on Monday and tell me all about your sad little Sundays and if you don’t let me set you up soon, I am going to take matters into my own hands.”

“They’re not sad,” Stede protested. “They’re perfectly lovely and I am going to stop telling you about them if you’re going to be insulting about it.”

“Like you could stop talking to me for more than five minutes.” Lucius rolled his eyes. “Fine, but this conversation isn’t over, Stede. I’m going to find someone just as weird as you and you two will fall madly in love and then you’ll have to buy my drinks for a whole year in thanks.”

Ever since then, Lucius’s pronouncement was always in the back of his mind. Was he wasting his one day of freedom? Surely not. He always enjoyed himself and that was the most important thing, after all. He had no time for what ifs. 

The Sunday everything changed had started off as normal. Stede’s alarm went off at 10:30 and he stretched in bed, his cat Arthur getting up at the sound before purring and tucking himself under Stede’s chin. He stayed in bed a little longer than perhaps necessary, finishing the podcast he’d fallen asleep listening to the night before and snuggling with Arthur. When it finished, he got up, fed Arthur, and jumped in and out of the shower.

There wasn’t really anything he wanted to go to today but he did want to get out of the house so he decided to grab the book he was halfway through and read it at the cute little coffee shop a few blocks away from his apartment. He’d gotten to talking to the baker, Roach, a few months ago and now the man gave him samples of new recipes whenever he came in. With a grin and a rumbling stomach, he changed into a nice set of slacks and a cozy cashmere sweater, packing his book and phone into his bag and heading out the door.

It was a nice day, chilly but bright, perfect weather for a cuppa and a book in a cozy chair. He turned the corner to Revenge Coffee, a little confused to see some hubbub across the street. There was quite the crowd gathered around the tattoo shop which seemed odd. Tattoo parlors didn’t usually get lines out the door and while Stede himself liked to look at the sample art Deep Sea Tattoo put in the window, it wasn’t the kind of thing that drew a crowd. With a confused shrug, he turned and walked in the coffeeshop.

“Stede!” Roach smiled from behind the counter. “So good to see you! Perfect timing. I’ve got a batch of 40 Orange Glazed Cupcakes in the oven, I’d love to know what you think!”

Stede wandered over to set his bag on the padded bench in the corner, pulling his wallet out before heading back to the counter.

“You know I’ll love them, though I hope they taste of oranges! After that lemon loaf last time…”

“That tasted exactly like lemon and you are a monster,” Roach laughed. “Now what can I get you in the meantime?”

“I’d like a cup of English Breakfast–”

“--two sugars, splash of milk?” Roach finished. “Got it, Cap. Go sit down. I’ll bring it over when it’s ready.”

There really was nothing like being a regular Stede thought to himself as he wandered back over to the table he’d claimed. It was his favorite spot: up against a wall so he could lean back against the padded back of the bench and the side wall at the same time, a small table the perfect size for a teacup, a pastry, his phone and a book. He was angled such that he could turn slightly to see out the big main windows but wasn’t close enough that the outer chill seeped in to where he was. 

Roach was bringing his drink before he knew it, a cupcake on a matching plate to accompany it. The cupcake looked delicious, though he would rib Roach just a bit before admitting it, something that had turned into a bit of a game between the two of them ever since Stede had complained a ginger muffin hadn’t been gingery enough one of his first times visiting (and was promptly informed it was a pumpkin muffin, not ginger.) Stede had been mortified but instead of admitting his mistake, had turned it into a running joke, finding something ridiculous wrong with each one of Roach’s (delicious) creations before admitting defeat. 

“40 orange glaze, you said?” Stede looked up at Roach after taking a bite. “I’m sure there’s at least 45 oranges in here.” 

“It was 41 but that doesn’t roll off the tongue now, does it?” Roach rolled his eyes. “So? Does it pass the Bonnet muster?”

“You know it does,” Stede laughed, shoving the rest in his mouth in a show of enthusiasm. “Dewishious!”

“Jesus, don’t choke,” Roach quickly ran and got Stede a glass of water. “Chew that properly and I’ll get you another one to enjoy like a normal person.”

“Cheers!” Stede toasted Roach with the water glass and took a big sip, finally managing to swallow down the rest of the cupcake. Yes, probably not the best choice but at least he was getting another one out of the deal. With a smile, he pulled his book out of his bag, gently took the bookmark out and set it on the table before diving in.

He had only gotten ten or so pages in before he heard the chair opposite him at the table clatter as someone dropped into it. Confused, Stede began to set his book down only to find the book ripped from his hands, the person across from him holding it up in front of their face.

“Excuse me! ” Stede frowned, reaching to get his book back. “I was reading that!”

“Yeah, yeah,” a gruff voice came from behind his book, leaning out of Stede’s reach. “Just go with it for a minute, yeah?”

“I will not!” Stede huffed, leaning forward again. “You can’t just appear out of nowhere and take books out of people’s hands! Were you raised in a barn?! ”

The book lowered slightly and Stede was taken aback by the big chocolate eyes that gazed across from him. They seemed kind, which was directly in opposition to the whole book thief thing. 

“I promise you, I will give this back very soon. I just need to borrow it for…” his eyes glanced out the window, then back at Stede “...a few more minutes.”

Stede frowned and went to turn to look at the window himself when he felt a foot kick him under the table.

“You can’t look!”

“What?!” 

“It’ll seem suspicious!”

Stede frowned. 

“My looking out a window will seem suspicious?” Stede glanced at the man and then, with a smirk, made a big production of turning and looking out the window. He could hear flailing behind him but it only made him grin wider as he turned to see …. nothing. No big crowd, no jealous girlfriend peering in, no cops on the lookout, no anyone. He turned back around, confused.

“What in the world are you hiding from?” he asked, picking up his tea and taking a sip, still annoyed but at least curious now. “There’s no one out there.”

“Maybe not in the one second you looked after I asked you not to,” the man growled, a sound that sent a little tingle down Stede’s spine he was determined to ignore. “But trust me, I just need to lay low for a moment. I’ll get out of your hair after, promise.”

What was frustrating was this was the most exciting thing that had happened to Stede in weeks and as annoyed as he was about the book taking thing, he wasn’t sure if he was all that eager to let go of the excitement yet. 

“So what’d you do?” Stede wondered aloud, taking another sip of his tea. “Rob a bank?”

The man chuckled. “Do you see a bag with a big ol’ dollar sign next to me?”

“Pity,” Stede sighed. “Could have paid for my drink.”

The man laughed and Stede couldn’t help but smile. He had a nice laugh. 

“Break up with your girlfriend?” He guessed again.

“Not exactly my area of expertise.” The man’s eyes crinkled and Stede could tell he was grinning.

“Breaking up with someone?” Stede asked, finding it very hard to believe anyone would break up with this man. He was clearly ungodly handsome, going on his eyes alone.

“Dating women,” he clarified.

“Oh.” Stede paused. “Break up with your boyfriend?”

The man dropped the book and it clattered to the table as he buried his face in his hands laughing. Stede had a brief moment of grief at the thought of losing his place (somewhere in chapter ten, right?) before he was distracted. He still didn’t have a great view, the man’s face obscured by his hands, but he had long hair half tied up in a bun behind him and tattoos littered the little bit he could see of his hands and arm. Stede was pretty sure he didn’t have a type but maybe he was developing one. 

“I mean,” the man chuckled, reaching with one hand to pick the book back up and haphazardly pull it in front of his face. It was too late, though. Stede had seen that smile. It was a good smile. “Not today.”

“Not a jilted lover then?” Stede clarified. 

“Very much not,” the man agreed. 

“But you have a boyfriend?” Stede asked, a little mortified at how put out he sounded at the thought.

“Didn’t say that, did I?” The man’s eyes sparkled. Interesting.

“Did you fake your death to finally live the life you’d always wanted but just ran into someone from your past that could blow your whole cover so you had to duck into a coffee shop and steal some poor schmuck’s book to make sure the jig wasn’t up?” 

There was a pause and Stede saw the book lower even farther as the man took a good look at him. 

“You just had that one locked and loaded, huh?”

“Oh, well,” Stede shrugged, “seemed like an obvious guess.” 

“Sure,” the man scoffed. “You’ve got quite the imagination…”

“Oh, Stede!” Stede offered. “Stede Bonnet.”

“You’ve got quite the imagination, Stede.”

“Well, I read a lot,” Stede nodded at the book still in the man’s hands. “At least, when handsome men aren’t stealing my books from me at my local.”

Shit. Shit. Shit. Had he just said handsome out loud?

The man’s eyes narrowed but he didn’t look upset. 

“Does that happen a lot?” He asked. “Handsome men stealing your books, I mean.”

“Can’t say that it does.”

“Except for today?” There’s a glint in the man’s eye.

“Perhaps,” Stede hedged, still not sure where he was on the scale from frustration to flirting. “Quite annoying, really, but it does have its upsides.”

“Yeah?” the man asked, slowly lowering the book. 

“Yeah,” Stede nodded. “Sometimes the men feel really horrible about the fact that they just snatched something out of my hand and buy me dinner to make up for it.”

Stede had no idea where that came from. It wasn’t what he’d intended to say. He’d meant to make another joke about the man stealing from him, not what? Dare him to ask him out? Oh God, Lucius would have a field day with this tomorrow. 

With a start, Stede realized the other man hadn’t had some snappy comeback on the ready and with trepidation, slowly raised his eyes to look at the man across from him. And what a look it was. 

The book was fully down now and Stede had been right, the man was gorgeous . His eyes were warm and he had a soft smile hidden behind his beard. He looked oddly sincere. It was a good look on him. 

“Stede,” he began. “Would you want to go to dinner with me?”

… what? 

“What?” 

For the first time, the other man seemed unsure. 

“Would you want to get dinner with me?” He asked again. “You know, since I stole your book and all.” He paused, blinked. “I’m sorry, am I reading this wrong?” 

“No!” Stede yelped automatically, before he could think. The man smirked. “You’re not, er, reading this wrong. I just … I mean, I didn’t mean to come on so strong. It’s not like me at all. And you’re all, well, you and I’m just me and things like this don’t really happen to me and my coworker is going to give me such shit about this tomorrow and oh my god, I don’t even know your name. I am a disaster.” 

Stede let his head fall back against the wall behind him as the other man let out a chuckle. 

“Well, first off, let me assure you that there is nothing “just” about you, Stede,” the man winked, causing Stede to flush. “I don’t go around stealing just anyone’s books, I’ll have you know. I specifically search out the most handsome man in the joint on these escapades.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Stede tried to wave off the compliment. “You didn’t think for a second, you just sat down and grabbed my book. You had no idea what I looked like.”

“I got lucky this time, obviously,” the man grinned. “Meant to be and all that.” 

“Well,” Stede tried to come back, still a little flustered, “I still don’t know your name.”

The man laughed again before he realized Stede wasn’t laughing along with him. He blinked.

“You’re serious.”

“...yes?”

“You don’t know my name.”

“How would I know your name? We just met.” Stede laughed. “Unless your name is Revenge Coffee McBook Thief or something to that effect.”

The man looked befuddled.

“You’re interested in me even though you don’t know my name.”

Stede was starting to think they were going in circles.

“Yes? I mean, I don’t know if you’ve looked in the mirror lately but you’re very handsome.” Stede could feel the tips of his ears going red. “And you’re funny and as long as you don’t steal any more of my things, I think that’s enough to be starting off with.” 

Although now that he was thinking about it… “Wait, should I know your name? Are you some renowned cat burglar or something?” Stede turned to look out the window again. “Are the police actually out after you right now?” He turned back. “Cause I won’t turn you in as long as you’re stealing from the rich. They can afford it.”

And oh, the man was looking at him with such joy on his face, Stede felt like he must have said something right. He could get used to this.

There was a buzzing that cut through the tension (there was tension? There was tension!) and the man pulled a phone out of his pocket with a frown. 

“Ugh, I guess I can’t disappear forever,” he sighed. “Give me your phone?”

Stede, not sure what was going on as the man had a phone in his hand, handed his own over anyway. The man tapped a few buttons, then made a call to his own cell. 

“There,” he handed the phone back. “I put my number in your phone and I’ve got yours.” He stood from the table, clearly disappointed about this situation. “I’ve unfortunately got to go but I’m serious about that dinner, Stede Bonnet.” 

He pushed in the chair and went to walk away, giving him a small wave. 

“Wait!” Stede called and the man turned around. “I still don’t know your name!”

The man laughed. 

“Check your phone!”

Stede didn’t notice the man getting into a waiting black SUV, too busy finding a new contact in his phone labeled ‘Robin Hood.’ 

___________________________

“So have you texted him?” 

Lucius, as predicted, was all over this at lunch on Monday, as happy as the cat that got the cream. 

“And say what?” Stede asked, absentmindedly stirring his yogurt. “Hi, it’s that weird man from the coffee shop who kind of asked you out after you stole his book. Want to grab a drink and maybe steal some jewels or something?”

“Why not?” Lucius laughed. “Sounds like he’d be into it.” 

Lucius was probably right but Stede had completely lost his nerve in the past twenty four hours. It had been strangely easy to flirt in person, the electricity in the air giving him the power to say things he never would have said otherwise. But after the man had left and Stede finished his tea, he’d gone home and not quite believed it had all happened. Exciting meetings with beautiful strangers didn’t happen to Stede so he’d put it out of his mind, content to watch a movie with Arthur and go to bed early. 

“I’ll steal your phone and text him if you don’t,” Lucius not-so-jokingly threatened. 

“Give me a day,” Stede bargained, hoping that Lucius would forget when they got back to work. “Give me time to work up my nerve.”

“Whatever,” Lucius waved him off, though the look in his eye said he wouldn’t forget “Anyway, did you see that Blackbeard was spotted in town yesterday? They say he was getting a tattoo down in your neck of the woods.”

“Who’s Blackbeard?” Stede asked as Lucius’s eyes almost sprang out of his head. 

“Who’s Blackbeard ? Stede, darling, love, he’s only the hottest movie star of the past ten years. Queen Anne’s Revenge? The Kraken Rises? The Dread Pyrate? Any of these ringing a bell?”

“I think Louis liked the pirate one,” Stede vaguely recalled. “I remember him talking about it around his birthday last year. Or maybe that was the new Star Wars movie. I’m so bad with cinema. I don’t think I’ve seen anything made after the 70s.”

Lucius rolled his eyes. “Well, you’re missing out, grandpa. The man’s a snack. My boyfriend Pete has him as his hall pass and I can’t blame him.”

“Oh!” Stede realized, startling Lucius and almost making him spill his Diet Coke. “That’s what the big crowd was at Deep Sea Tattoo yesterday! That makes so much more sense.”

“What did you think it was?” Lucius asked.

“I don’t know, free cookies?” 

They made eye contact and both laughed. 

“But seriously,” Lucius narrowed his eyes. “Text that man.”

___________________________

Stede Bonnet: Um, hello. This is Stede from the coffee shop. Texting you.

Robin Hood: Hi Stede from the coffee shop. This is Robin Hood the book thief.

Stede Bonnet: That can’t be your real name.

Robin Hood: Why not? Maybe my mom really liked old British folk tales. Or animated foxes. 

Stede Bonnet: Did she deliberately marry a man with the last name of Hood just to be able to name her son after her hero?

Robin Hood: And what if she did?

Stede Bonnet: Well, I suppose I’ve heard of people doing weirder things for worse reasons. 

Robin Hood: Plus, she got a pretty good kid of out it.

Stede Bonnet: Debatable. He is a thief.

Robin Hood: What can I say? It’s in the blood. 

___________________________

Robin Hood: Stede, I’m so bored. Tell me you are doing something exciting so I can live vicariously through you.

Stede Bonnet: I am currently balancing my checkbook.

Robin Hood: …what? Is that a thing people even still do? 

Stede Bonnet: Clearly they must because here I am, doing it. 

Robin Hood: Oh my god, you win. Your night is officially more boring than mine.

Stede Bonnet: Why? What are you doing?

Robin Hood : Just some work thing. I’m mostly annoyed because I really don’t have to be here but I was kind of forced into it. Plus, my new tattoo is just itchy and I can’t scratch it without drawing attention. 

Stede Bonnet: You got a tattoo?

Robin Hood: I have a lot of tattoos but yeah, I just got a new one on Sunday. That’s actually where I’d come from, that tattoo shop down the road from Revenge.

Stede Bonnet: Oh! Then you must have seen Blackbeard there!

Robin Hood: ???

Stede Bonnet: He’s some movie star my coworker likes. Apparently he was at Deep Sea Tattoo on Sunday; that’s what the crowd was about. You two must have been there at the same time.

Robin Hood: yeah, probably.

Stede Bonnet: What a small world.

Stede Bonnet: How much longer until you can escape your work thing?

Robin Hood: At least an hour.

Stede Bonnet: Well that’s horrible. I’ve been reading the most interesting book about the summer of 1927. Would you like some incredibly random facts while I read?

Robin Hood: WOULD I!

Robin Hood: Hit me! Fact me up!

Stede Bonnet: 🙂

___________________________

Robin Hood: So do you go to that coffee shop every Sunday or was last week a special occasion?

Stede Bonnet: Not every Sunday, no. Sunday’s my free day so I usually wake up and see what I feel like doing. 

Robin Hood: In that case, how is a handsome thief supposed to casually run into his Mister Marion?

Stede Bonnet: …Mister Marion?

Robin Hood: Okay, so it wasn’t the best pun. Lady to Lord would have been easier. 

Robin Hood: Who decided on making her a maid, anyway? She was like the lady of the castle or something, right? No other history lady has MAID as her title. What’s up with that?

Stede Bonnet: Do you really want to know the answer to that question or do you just want to be annoyed for a second?

Robin Hood: I want to be annoyed now and then I want you to tell me the answer in person the next time I see you. 

Stede Bonnet: Is that so?

Robin Hood: Mmhmm.

Stede Bonnet: Then I suppose I might feel like heading to Revenge Coffee on Sunday. 

Robin Hood: Yeah?

Stede Bonnet: Yeah.

___________________________

Stede had been nervous for the past four days. They’d kept talking (they never stopped talking) but the thought of seeing Robin in person (and hopefully getting his real name this time) had danced round his head all day at work, all Friday night, all day Saturday as he helped Mary set the table.

“Where are you?” She’d finally asked. “Cause you’re not here.”

“Sorry, dear,” Stede apologized. “I just … I think I have a date tomorrow.”

Mary had grinned a mischievous little grin at that. “You think you do?”

“I suppose I’m pretty sure. Neither of us have officially called it a date but it definitely seems like it’ll be one.” 

“And what’s his name?” Mary bumped her shoulder up against his, grabbing the napkins out of his hand to finish setting the table.

“Would you believe me if I said Robin Hood?”

Before she could reply, though, the kids had dashed in and then Doug was bringing in the roast and the conversation got lost in the family hubbub. It wasn’t until later, as she was hugging him goodbye, that Mary whispered in his ear “You’re going to tell me all about this later” and honestly, he probably would. They were very much those exes.

And now he found himself sat in the same corner seat, at the same table, reading the same book and glancing up every time the door opened. 

“Brownie?” Roach had offered when he walked in and while he logically knew it was probably the most delicious brownie he’d had in ages, it tasted like ash in his mouth, nerves taking over. 

“It’s great, Roach.” 

Roach had frowned.

“Not too chocolatey? Or not chocolatey enough? Or, I don’t know, lacking some citrus or something?”

“No, absolutely perfect.” Stede couldn't look away from the door so he missed Roach shake his head, taking the empty plate back. 

“Jeez, John was right. You are completely zoned.”

“Hmm?” Stede slowly turned to look back at Roach but the man was already halfway across the room, headed back to the kitchen. With a sigh, Stede picked his book back up and attempted to read.

Somehow, he must have gotten into it because he didn’t even notice a bearded man walk in the front door, eyes alight on Stede with a grin, and make his way across the shop.

“This seat taken?”

Stede jumped, almost dropping the book as he looked up into the eyes of the man he’d been texting with all week. He was dressed head to toe in leather, something Stede never would have considered but it was working for him, and he had a cocky grin on his face. 

“Oh, sorry,” Stede simpered, if only to see that grin falter for the shortest of seconds. “I’m waiting for someone.”

“Handsome man like you, course you are,” he winked and Stede could feel the answering blush in his cheeks. “Maybe I can keep you company until he shows up.”

“Oh, I suppose,” Stede waved his hand, moving his bag out of the way to make more room for the man to sit down, which he did in a second, almost collapsing in the chair across from him.

“Hi,” he smiled.

“Hi,” Stede smiled back. “How was your week?”

“Pretty good,” the man nodded. “Met this guy last Sunday and I’ve been texting with him every day since. I think I’ve grown kind of fond of him.”

“Funny, me too,” Stede replied. “But here’s the frustrating thing: I still don’t know his name.”

The man burst out laughing. “Seriously? You still don’t know?”

“No?” Stede was so confused. “How would I magically figure it out in the past week? Did you give me some clue I missed?”

“I thought you were on to me!” He was almost crying laughing at this point. “You even texted me about it!”

“I did?” Stede pulled out his phone, scrolling through their texts trying to find any hint. “Well, I know you’re not Bill Bryson. I met him at a book signing once and he looks nothing like you. No offense to him.”

“No, I’m not Bill Bryson,” the man agreed. “Anyone else we talked about this week?”

“I don’t think so,” Stede frowned down at his phone. “Pretty sure you’re not a pirate captain or an eighteenth century lord, or Orville Redenbacher. The only other person is ….. no.” Stede looked up, confused.

“I mean, technically I was a pirate captain for a little bit,” the man (who couldn’t be Blackbeard, surely? His beard was grey, if anything) shrugged. “But that was a few years ago.”

“You’re Blackbeard?!” Stede yelped.

“I usually go by Ed,” the man smiled softly. “Ed Teach.”

Stede was on a date with a movie star. Stede was on a date with a movie star he’d never heard of. Stede was on a date with Lucius’s boyfriend’s hall pass. What did he do? What did he say? 

“...I guess I have to update your phone contact, then.”

Ed smiled incredibly wide, his foot pressing against Stede’s under the table. Stede felt like he’d passed some sort of test but he had no idea how.

“I dunno. I thought Robin Hood was pretty good. Cheeky.”

“Oh!” Stede smiled, thinking he’d figured something out. “Have you played Robin Hood?! Was that a clue?!”

Ed looked even more delighted. “You know absolutely nothing about my career, do you?”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no!” Ed waved off the apology. “I love it. This is great. I haven’t dated someone who knew nothing about me in years. It’s nice to have someone excited to date Ed, not Blackbeard.”

“Is that what we’re doing, then?” Stede asked. “Dating?”

Ed reached across and placed his hand on top of Stede’s. 

“Stede Bonnet, would you go to dinner with me?”

Stede smiled. 

“I would love to.”

“Before that, would you like to hang out in this coffee shop for a few hours until dinner time and explain to me why Marion is a Maid rather than a Lady?”

Stede’s heart soared and he grinned, turning his hand over to hold Ed’s. 

“Well, there’s actually some debate about that! Some people say…”

God, Lucius was going to lose it on Monday.