Chapter Text
The first thing that rings clear in Kazuichi Souda's mind when he opens the door is 'who the hell are you'; but what actually emerges from his mouth sounds suspiciously like,
"Hell has welcomed you!"
... And he'd like to think his visitor is Mondo or Leon or someone else just as nutty so they can laugh it off together, but it isn't. It really isn't.
He's made painfully aware of the fact, when the stranger at his door stares him down - a good head taller than him, sporting cold, mismatched eyes and bandages from fingertip to elbow, facial features drawn and sharp. The man is also dressed in variants of black, and has meticulously styled hair; a long dark mark like lightning striking down across the right side of his face.
All in all, he's more than a little intimidating.
The most logical thing to do at this point, perhaps, is to close the door and hide for three weeks. There is also the option of apologizing and saying, “Oh, sorry about that, I was expecting someone else. Haha, inside jokes, y’know? Man, my friends are weird…” Both valid, genuine options for smoothly sashaying out of a potentially embarrassing conversation.
But the mechanic was never good at thinking on his feet so he just kind of stares dumbly at the guy, who stares back; until some distant car honking jolts them both back into reality.
Ever ready to seize the chance to gain the upper hand in life, Souda immediately tries to assert himself – maintaining that it was his apartment they were standing in front of, and he had the right to (pretend to) be grumpy all he liked. While playing along with his earlier slip of tongue, he decides, perhaps he can try to scare this guy off. That would be an achievement to file in his records. Maybe 'scaring strangers' isn't something he should put on his resume though. Regardless, he glares; a clash of hot pink irises against the other's cool red and silver, and clenches his fists.
"What are ya looking at, punk?" He snarls behind pointed teeth and absurdly false confidence. Oh god, he’s digging himself a bigger hole, isn’t he? The other guy does not look impressed. But Souda doesn’t stop there: "Never been to hell before? You sure dressed the part, ain't ya?"
The unexpected visitor, whoever he is, looks momentarily stunned before he starts to chuckle darkly at the provocation. He appears to be taking on a character; but is alarmingly serious about his choice in wording. One might think he actually believes he stands at the gates of hell.
"Why, formidable foe and servant of the devil, are you claiming to have traversed the land of the sinful dead, yourself?" He commences with an enthused wave of his bandaged hand, "You? I have truly underestimated you, if that be the case."
"… what is this guy’s deal?”… is what Souda should have been thinking, but he was the one that started the whole ‘hell’ conversation by opening the door like a delusional ten-year-old, and so he was sure as heck gonna finish it.
"Uh, well, y-yeah! Of course!" The mechanic curses his voice for cracking on the last word. Terrible teenage stuff he never grew out of, he reasons. To make up for it, he shakes a lazy fist at the man, still marginally confused but damn well ready to fight to win. As long as it wasn't physically. "You better be scared! Hell or no hell, I could take you on any day!"
"You will rue the day you challenged Gundam Tanaka!" The stranger – or rather, Tanaka, as he's made himself known – tells him brazenly, while shaking a silver ringed finger. Rather than angry, however, he seems surprisingly pleased.
Souda has no idea what to think of him. Spontaneous, maybe. Unpredictable. Definitely a new breed of weird.
"I'm sure I will..."
"Hm? Giving up already?"
"Like hell I am! I'll get you!" Souda glances back inside his apartment, as if it would lend him some support. His mechanic mind starts whirring, wondering if he can put together some Mobile Gundam Suit – fitting, seeing the name – to beat this guy up and put him in his place, so to speak. But then again, that would take time and effort, and he has neither.
Leaving those thoughts aside for the time being, he turns back to add a tacky excuse on to his spontaneous declaration of war (and why he’s not going to fight Tanaka just yet, and hopefully never), "But uh, not right now, because the gates of hell are busy. And stuff. Yeah. We’re renovating. So, why are you even here? Just stoppin' by for no reason?"
"I have no time for such cordialities." Tanaka answers with a light frown. His previous battle stance settles down and he crosses his arms, perfectly adapting to the change of subject. "My intentions were to request of you – neighboring human of house 302 – a temporary service to three feline deities." With this said, he then gestures downwards to a box by his feet. The box mewls forlornly, as if on cue.
Souda blinks. What is this sorcery? He swears that box wasn't there before. But… three cats? Wasn't that pushing it in a building with a 'no pets' policy? He plows on with renewed suspicion, narrowed eyes darting from Tanaka to the box, asking, "So you want me to... babysit your cats?"
Tanaka cringes at his word choice, but nods in resignation. "The lord of the lands will visit me on the morrow. I live at 402, right above you. He threatens banishment to my gods and I have yet to find a suitable relocation. I humbly repeat, however, that my request is merely temporary!"
"Wait, you're hiding them from the landlord?" At this revelation, Souda feels his mouth tug into a toothy grin. Looks like he judged too soon. Maybe this guy is more than just some weird-ass pet shop owner from hell. "Oh man, if Togami finds out, he's gonna kill you!"
He watches with strange glee as the other's expression grows stormy. During his next tirade, the cat owner begins to raise his voice, "Then the wealthy lord of lands will not find out, and neither will you alert him! I will only make my offer one last time, so your mortal ears better –"
"Chill! Dude, nah, it's fine! I was just making fun of ya!"
Tanaka looks unconvinced.
"Seriously," The mechanic chances a look at the box again, more to reassure the man that he is, indeed, serious. It’s not like he has anything better to do, anyway. "How long d'ya need? I'll take care of 'em for you. No sweat."
"In the name of..." Tanaka grumbles, but after a long sigh and a mutter of something under his breath, the smirk returns to his face. His voice is low, and sincere. "Three days.”
"Three days?” The mechanic takes on the appearance of contemplation, but he already knows he can definitely do three days. He just wants to know what in the world Togami wants, with a three-day visit. He wasn't some kind of serial killer... right? “Yeah, cool, I’ll do it.”
“How much do I –“
“Don’t worry about it,” he waves the question off before it emerges from the man’s mouth. “Let’s just say you owe me a favor.”
Tanaka looks as if he cannot comprehend what a ‘favor’ is, but luckily does not ask. He merely smirks and nods his head once. “The wind tells me you have made a wise choice. However, are you certain you have what it takes?"
"I said, 'chill', didn't I? It's cool." As an afterthought, Souda adds, "My pops accidentally brought home a stray cat once. Woulda died if I didn't raise it. I can cat well enough."
For whatever reason, that immediately piques Tanaka's interest, and his eyes shine bright and wide. "What then? Does the fool live?"
"Uh, do you mean the cat or my dad?"
"Answer for both, if you must."
"Well the cat - her name was Tank - passed, er, two years ago. She was nine, and she lived a good life, I guess. And pops is still alive. Don't see him much though." He scratches the back of his neck. He really doesn't want to talk about his father; especially not to a guy he just met. "But enough about me, hey? What's the plan? Do any of the kitties need special care or whatever?"
A fire burns brightly in Tanaka's previously cold eyes, and the man offers, "Feh, I shall provide you with their necessities; there is no need for worthless fretting! You have done well to make the correct decision and the deities shall shower good luck upon you! Fuhahaha!"
The ‘hahaha’ continues for a short while, before they fade into blank silence.
"Great." The mechanic replies simply, at a sort of loss for words. Man, frankly, this guy is embarrassing to talk to. “Yeah, no, awesome. That's good.”
They both sort of stare at each other for another few seconds before Souda clears his throat.
"Cats." he says.
"Cats." His neighbor echoes. Then as if a switch is flipped, Tanaka starts moving again, nodding in an affirming manner and bending down to carefully pick up the box - holding it out for the other to take. Souda takes it gently, though Tanaka still does not let go when he is peering in through the flap at the top.
"Say your greetings." He commands, and Souda simply obeys because that would probably make it a lot less awkward.
"Hey there," he greets in what he hopes is a friendly, non-threatening voice, and a white paw sticks out of the box. He jumps a little - knowing that it was going to be a cat, but expecting some sort of monster to pop out in a cat's mask instead. Yeah, paranoia at its finest.
Happy at the sight of the little thing, he smiles. He then moves to touch the paw lightly, and soon the small head of a pure white cat emerges, to curiously sniff him out. The cat is gorgeous, by the way; all clean, lovely white fur and pretty green eyes. He silently asks permission to touch the head, and the cat allows it.
"Well, well,” Tanaka says in a tone of proudness, which Souda likens to an overbearing parent. It's so unnecessary that it takes all he has to stop himself from laughing at the guy. “It appears Chun-S warms to you."
Also what the hell was that name? "Uh... Chun-S?"
"Ah, well, Future World Ender Chun-S is his full title. It is Chun-S for short."
Souda takes a brief moment to absorb this mega nerd's information, while he pets the future destroyer of the world. He does not want to know what the other cats are called, but he might as well ask before any more surprises come up. "... okay. Right. Okay. Chun-S. I'll remember that. What 'bout the other two then?"
"Supreme Galactic Commander Spik-E, tortoiseshell. Pendragon Sovereign of Purgatory Vit-A, ginger." Tanaka recites, with an air of delight. Oh, god, how long did he spend coming up with these ridiculous names? "These are not their final forms, however, so be cautious. I must inform you of their hidden dangers."
In a manner similar to standing to attention, Spik-E and Vit-A pop their heads out at the mention of their names, and immediately the mechanic can tell they've been well looked after. Weird or not, Tanaka knew how to look after animals, that was for sure.
"... oh, uh, wow. No, it’s fine. I think I’ve got it sorted." Souda looks at the three cats and suddenly wonders if they know how loony their owner was. Probably not. They look like they enjoy the attention, at least.
"I also have four dark gods within my scarf, which easily slip from the lord of the land's eye."
As if to prove a point, a tiny hamster head pokes out of Tanaka's purple scarf to throw a sunflower seed at him. Souda starts laughing, "Oi! Do you just really want Togami to hate you?"
"He doesn't...!" Tanaka attempts to protest, before he remembers that he actually isn't supposed to care. "Ha! What do I care of the lord of lands and his petty emotions! May his complaints begone!"
“Chill, dude, seriously.”
“I am the Ascendant Ruler of Ice! I am as ‘chill’ as they come!”
Souda raises a single eyebrow but says nothing that isn’t already shown in his Cheshire grin, to which Tanaka huffs and flips his scarf dramatically over his shoulder.
“You… seem to not have heard of me, mortal.”
“Mm, nah. Doesn’t ring a bell.”
For a second, the cat owner stalls, before coming to life again with renewed vigor. “Never fear! The gods take pity on you – and you shall be educated henceforth!”
Souda doesn't know how to reply without saying something like 'are you like a time-travelling cat-worshipping man from the underworld planning to eat my soul', so he opts to remain silent. Only his mouth, once more, has other ideas, and he goes, "I've already gone to school to learn useless stuff, if that's what you're implying."
He really needs a new brain-to-mouth filter.
Unfortunately, Tanaka won't let anything slip past his radar, and snipes quickly with, "I imply nothing but your impending doom! By the gods, he says 'useless'... what moronic insolence, I shall curse you!"
To which the mechanic replies heatedly, "Can you not say things like that?! I'm superstitious as hell!"
"Hell arises! Alas, the devil speaks!"
"What the hell are you on about?!"
And they go on and on and on.
The time passes much too quickly, when Souda suddenly realizes that he's been standing at his door for over an hour just arguing with this guy who came for a simple favor.
Tanaka appears to notice too, with a quick glance to the wall clock inside the mechanic's apartment, but instead of apologizing for taking up his time or making a note to return later with the cat supplies like any normal person would, he secures the box in Souda's hands and goes to climb out the window.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," The mechanic yelps, hurrying after the man while clutching the box close to his chest, "what are you doing?!"
"My polished stone which would bestow entry has been compromised, and thus!" He disappears for a split second, and Souda winces at the sound of glass shattering a floor above them. Then he appears at the window once more. "I must grant myself divine access using less favorable methods!"
He can only guess that means Tanaka forgot his keys.
"... you're an idiot." Souda mutters, with a roll of his eyes.
At the very least, if there’s one thing that meeting gave him - apart from three cats for three days - is the knowledge that his life is going to be a whole lot more interesting from that moment on.