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Published:
2023-03-02
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2023-03-14
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2/2
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Welcome to Gotham U

Summary:

Notes for an AU I may or may not ever write, where Bruce is a chem professor at GU and somehow ends up adult-adopting his TAs.

Notes:

This idea hit me in the middle of chem lab this week and would not leave me alone

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Welcome!

Chapter Text

Gotham U has an impressive roster of faculty and staff, but take it from a student, they are also batshit crazy. Take some notable examples:

Exhibit A - Dr. Bruce Wayne, professor and head of the chemistry department:

  • son of two of the most acclaimed chemists of our time, tragically murdered in an alley after attending the theatre with their son
  • the whole family is stupid rich. The orphaned Bruce was raised by the butler, who we're pretty sure is an immortal. He'll mention "the war" but never say which one. Guesses range between WW2, the American Revolution, the War of the Roses, and even the Battle of Hastings.
  • Dr. Wayne (please, call me Bruce) has been teaching basically since he got his doctorate... the first one, and we're pretty sure he will still teach via zoom on his deathbed, the man is that committed
  • has adopted like 6 of his TAs and counting and will parent you even if you don't get adopted
  • seriously, we call all chem majors "waynes" to save time
  • Super great teacher, and is always willing to help you out with studying. Hella paranoid about lab safety though, but for good reason. he's seen several classmates, colleagues, and students get real fucked up by accidents

For example, Harvey Dent, professor of law:

  • originally majored in chem in the same class as Bruce, but... accident.
  • half his face got horrible acid burns. he had to leave school for several years, and it took a lot of therapy for him to come back. changed to law when he did, and focuses in safety regulations
  • he can be a little scary to look at, but he's actually a pretty nice prof. half the questions on each test are true/false
  • dressed up as the phantom of the opera one halloween, and the theatre kids went NUTS

Another example, Jack Napier, "the Joker":

  • was a student at one point, many years ago
  • didn't give 2 fucks about lab safety. He and Dr. Wayne, TA at the time, were always going round and round about it
  • "You cannot continue to disregard yours and others safety, Jack!"
  • "it's fine, you gotta relax a little. what's chem without explosions anyway?"
  • "SAFE"
  • needless to say, Jack got a taste of his own medicine. spilled the wrong solution and it messed up his skin real bad. his face stretched out so weird it froze the corners of his mouth way too wide, and sometimes they'd bleed
  • blamed Dr. Wayne for it, even though he tried to prevent the accident. Jack himself got as toxic as the solution that messed him up, and ultimately had to be removed to an asylum for his physical and mental health, and for other's safety, cause he legit tried to blow up Dr. Wayne's dorm

Related - Dr. Harleen Quinzel, head of counseling and accessibility

  • dated Jack during her own years as a psych student. stayed with him well after the accident, until her other friends and classmates sat her down and made her look at how toxic he was
  • she almost gave up psych, but eventually stuck with it, and decided to stay on to help raise awareness and advise other students to safely leave their own abusive partners
  • she's not a typical shrink though. her version of therapy is taking you out for milkshakes and a mani pedi while you vent about your shit, then she'll either commiserate and advise or set your head on straight
  • is still besties with her classmates (Dent and Wayne) and you can often find them together in the lunch hall, laughing about stuff they've never told anyone. I once saw Dr. Quinn laugh so hard milk came out of her nose
  • you can also find Dr. Quinn hanging around her girlfriend...

Dr. Pamela Isely, professor of botany:

  • dating Dr. Quinn. we have a betting pool running on who's going to propose, when, and how. if you want in, contact Jenny Smith in the pre-professional biology club
  • Dr. Isely knows more than anyone about plants. rumor has it she unlocked the secrets of human photosynthesis 
  • she can be kinda intimidating, but she will help you if you ask
  • for extra credit, she'll give you a plant to take care of. you have to bring it to class each day so she can see how well it's doing. healthy? good! free points. unhealthy? she helps you make it better, but she's definitely more interested in the plant than your grade.
  • feminist AF. if she catches any funny business when talking about reproduction, she puts it down so fast the poor guy is still staring at the blackboard rethinking his life choices an hour after class ends

Continuing with science department, Dr. Victor Fries, professor of thermochemistry and thermodynamics:

  • you can call him freeze like winter or fries like greasy finger food, he doesn't really care
  • pretty chill guy
  • his wife, Nora, has been in the hospital for years, and a huge part of his research is to figure out what's going on with her and how to help. the entire department has participated in supporting research
  • this poor man loves his wife so much ok, we all ask how she's doing, and one year the softball team got together to make her cards and Dr. Fries legit cried when they presented them, and came to class the next day with a picture of nora smiling and a thank-you note she wrote

There's also Oswald Cobblepot, professor of ornithology:

  • called 'Penguin' behind his back, but we don't mean to be mean
  • he's just sorta round and always wears a tux, and the name just stuck
  • he also, for some godforsaken reason, wears a monocle
  • if he forgets your name (it happens a lot) he just starts calling you by the name of whatever bird he thinks you look most like
  • we're pretty sure he owns a gambling den, but no student has yet uncovered it

And wrapping up our science profs, there's Jonathon Crane, doctor of biochemistry:

  • he's so skinny and spindly people call him scarecrow
  • he went to halloween as the one from wizard of oz, one year, it was great
  • obsessed with human fear responses
  • he's one of those guys that comes up with 'cool' experiments that 'the ethics board would never approve'
  • 100% does weed. or mushrooms. or both. we think he grows them in the school greenhouse, but we haven't been able to prove it. Yet.
  • has off and on dated the english department head

Dr. Edward Nygma, head of the english department

  • off and on dates Dr. Crane
  • adores riddles and blank verse
  • WILL debate the absolute dumbest topics with students for hours, and seems to have no idea that it literally got dark during the discussion
  • questions are hard as fuck to answer
  • has surprisingly good book recs, and will even loan you some, but if you turn it back with dog-ears, he WILL fail you in all his classes

Also in the EN department are Clark Kent and Lois Lane, both journalism professors:

  • married AF
  • we love to see it
  • Lois absolutely refuses to use spell check, grammarly, or anything of the kind. says she always asks clark, so like, get you a man and not a computer (or get you a woman or like whoever, just don't use technology ig)
  • clark is the sweetest guy, he grew up in kansas bless him and says "y'all" and "ope"
  • he also brings farm-fresh baked goods from his ma's sometimes, and i kid you not, we would ALL DIE for Mrs Kent's cooking
  • istg tho without his glasses you'd never recognize him
  • but yeah, Lois is a badass girlboss queen, and Clark is the "i got yo flower" trophy husband. he is also a lifesaver when it comes to helping you with your papers

The one (1) bastard in this school who doesn't like Prof Clark is Prof Luthor

  • his name is alexander but he goes by lex, and that should be your first clue
  • but like legit, he has the hugest grudge against clark, and it makes no sense
  • best as we can figure, he's just mad clark's a midwestern boi
  • dude's a bastard tho. he advocates for super powerhungry business tactics. would criminally underpay employees if he had them. every awful old white man CEO stereotype was based off of this dude
  • so for the love of god if you still wanna be a business major, take all your classes with the Qween.

That is to say, Oliver Queen, business professor

  • also stupid rich, he and Dr. Wayne were in the same silver-spoon primary school
  • but since Dr. Wayne Dad Shaped and Prof Queen is a Himbo, we forgive them
  • we all call him "Ollie" bc this man doesn't care. he once came to class ten minutes late with an iced coffee, hawaiian shirt, and flip flops. in january.
  • the most Extra facial hair you will ever see
  • also jacked bc he heads up the archery club. no one knows why we even have an archery club, but we do.
  • is desperate to be 'in with the youth' but is also hopeless
  • he thinks poggers means pregnant and flossing is still in style. no one is allowed to correct him, seriously, this brings the only joy the business majors have
  • married to the choir director and will not hesitate to call her 'smoking hot' in front of students

The choir director, Dinah Queen

  • was dinah lance, says she would have kept it if ollie's name was anything other than "Queen" and we respect it
  • we have no idea why she married him, but they're hilarious together so it's fine
  • best. fucking. voice. we keep begging her to perform, but she just grins and changes the subject
  • lead singer in the school band back in the day though
  • if folks are goofing off in choir she will scream the highest, loudest effing note you have ever heard, and by the time you graduate, you may be going deaf.
  • also super nice, and like, you can just hang out and it's great
  • still in a girlband with some of the other female faculty. at one point they called themselves the Sirens, but I think now they're the Birds of Prey. they're gonna do SIX at the end of the semester

Birds of Prey member and professor of art history Selina Kyle:

  • besties with Dr. Quinn and Dr. Isely
  • crazy cat lady but also hot
  • calls you kitten if she likes you
  • is very passionate about museums and rights to artifacts. she's gotten so much shit returned to proper owners that the british museum banned her
  • killer heels 24/7
  • knows how to pick locks, and we collectively have decided never to question this. 

History professor Diana Prince:

  • we're pretty sure she's a literal greek goddess, but no one can agree which one
  • speaks several dead languages just for funsies
  • her assignments are hard, but she will help you with finding primary sources
  • she gets so sad every time we talk about war, tho, and will look you dead in the eye and make you promise to exhaust all other options before beginning a fight
  • on the other hand, she is scary when she's mad, she has a sword in her office, and we are dead certain she could cut a bitch and the bitch would deserve it

Also likely to cut a bitch, Kate Kane, professor of gender/women's studies:

  • Dr. Wayne's cousin
  • gay af, dating one of the criminology profs, Renee Montoya
  • bright red undercut to die for and like, four piercings in each ear, and multiple tattoos
  • generally is kinda dry and unimpressed, very sarcastic, but one of the few things in which she takes utter delight (aside from tearing down misogynists, homophobes, etc) is tormenting her cousin. it's fun to watch. one year dr. wayne's kid pulled popcorn out of nowhere to munch on.
  • likes the saying 'be gay do crime' so much that we're absolutely certain she has killed someone. we don't know who, but they probably had it coming
  • relatively new member to the faculty and to Birds of Prey

last Birds of Prey member and professor of Arabic, Chinese and English Language Learning, Talia al Ghul:

  • it took us YEARS to figure out that she and Dr. Wayne were married. we assume she kept her own name bc it's more badass, and we approve
  • the most terrifying and badass woman you will ever meet
  • she can be really nice though, if you're not being an idiot
  • brings cultural snacks to class sometimes, and celebrates various festivals and holidays in class.
  • half arabic, half chinese, all effortlessly stunning. says her parents met at woodstock and we have absolutely no idea what to do with that information, because her DAD is

Ra's al Ghul, President of Gotham University:

  • used to be an MD, but that is the literal only normal thing i can say about this man
  • kind of a cryptid on campus. he only shows up to like, graduation and that kind of stuff. Talia and the VP make up for the rest of his appearances
  • his EYES are more than mildly terrifying, even in photos
  • we're pretty sure he is also an immortal, and definitely dates back to like, before Mohammad.
  • may or may not also lead a cult
  • his name literally translates to "the head of the demon"
  • some of us think he's a jinn or smt
  • probably not going to hurt you, but no way in hell would we test that theory
  • and we have absolutely NO IDEA what the hell this man was doing at woodstock that he ended up making Talia

so much less creepy and so much more publicly visible is Dr. Jim Gordon, dean of the school of arts and sciences

  • always looks tired and done, and if he doesn't have a black coffee in his hand, you'd better get him one, STAT
  • was a chem prof waaaay back in the day when Dr. Wayne was a student
  • has seen it All. do not doubt him
  • dad shaped, but heading into grandpa shaped territory
  • deserves better than the chaos he has to deal with between the faculty and students
  • very supportive, always comes to events, will chat with students and remember your name and major
  • gets so happy when alumni come back

and a couple extra bozos include 1: Hal Jordan

  • the only guy involved in the aviation major
  • ex military pilot, and if you provide the booze, he'll provide the stories.
  • rumor has it, he'll take you up in the plane then just... let go of the yoke and tell you to figure it out
  • Dr. wayne's safety compulsion has made them enemies due to this 
  • weird obsession with ring pops
  • adores lime-flavored anything, but hisses like a cat if you give him lemon

2: Barry Allen

  • in the forensics department
  • worked for the CIA at one point, but absolutely refuses to talk about it. his go-to line is "i could tell you, but i'd have to kill you." a few students believe that this is a fair exchange
  • so. many. fucking. dad jokes.
  • holds the track and field and cross country records for every academy he has ever attended
  • if he's late to class and running through the halls, students are legally obligated to say "nyoom"

Chapter 2: The Waynes pt 1

Summary:

Don't be a TA for Dr. Wayne unless you want a new dad.

Chapter Text

As previously mentioned, Dr. Wayne has a habit of adopting students. Specifically his TAs. It's not a problem per se but we're starting to think his parental instincts don't have an off-switch.

We didn't think anything of it the first time. When he adult-adopted one Richard "Call me Dick" Grayson.

  • Dick is the best, his unfortunate nickname notwithstanding
  • He's funny, he's smart, he's nice, and he's super fucking hot
  • I swear this man has never even had a bad hair day
  • Anyway, more to the point, he used to be a circus kid. he and his mom and dad had a whole act, and to this day Dr. Wayne has to yell at Dick for doing cartwheels in the lab
  • Dick doesn't like talking about what exactly went down, but his parents fell. We all know he saw it, but we don't ever, ever talk about it.
  • little Dickie Grayson, English as like his 3rd or something'th language, grows up in foster care, which we also Do Not Talk About. He arrives at college an award-winning mathlete with some major issues and a concerning knowledge and interest in crime, and majors in chem, concentrating in chemical forensics. 
  • Dr. Wayne has to take him aside at one point in gen chem to calm him down when his phenalthalien went from clear to lurid blood red without stopping at pink
  • After that he starts Dadding. Greets dick in the hall, talks to him in depth about his questions after class, slips in questions about if hes eating and has he met any friends, etc.
  • Now its not like Dr. Wayne doesn't always Dad at least a little, but, like, there was no subtlety, and Dick was obviously loving the attention 
  • He bends his schedule in more ways than he can bend his body to have Dr. Wayne for as many classes as possible, and signs up to TA during sophomore year
  • Dr. Wayne is historically the best prof to TA for. He has them over for dinner at the beginning and end of the semester, he's really great about helping you balance your huge workload, and he'll get chatting and drop tons of tips and info that is helpful even after school
  • Dick goes over for dinner, meets Kindergartener!Damian and falls in love. So does Damian. So Dick starts babysitting and we all know Alfred was totally in on this because until that point he handled Damian and the house just fine on his own if Brutalia wanted a date night
  • At some point Dr. Wayne unlocks Dick's full and unabridged Tragic Backstory, and becomes the person absolutely best suited to helping Dick out with stuff that parents traditionally do that his foster folks didn't
  • Then comes the fateful day. 
  • Gen chem 1. Lab. Dr. Wayne presiding, Dick as TA. Some poor sap mixes two very wrong compounds, notices the reaction doesn't look right, calls Dick over to investigate 
  • Dick doesn't know what the fuck the kid managed to do and calls Dr. Wayne. He usually uses "Bruce" or occasionally just "B" to accomplish this
  • Dr. Wayne of course just needs to squint for a few minutes before he figures out what happened and how to correct it, and walks the student and Dick through the problem
  • Students nods, blushes, says "Got it. Thanks, Dr. Wayne."
  • Dick nods, takes another glance at the reaction, says, "Ok, that makes sense. Thanks, Dad."
  • Absolutely nobody speaks or moves for 3.4 x 10^-3 seconds
  • Dick goes white, excuses himself to the bathroom, and does not return
  • Dr. Wayne is trapped in a 3 hr lab that just started 
  • No one is entirely certain where and how and all the details of the conversation, only that it happened, and next lab session all appears back to normal
  • A month later, Dr. Gordon and his daughter Barbara take over lab for a day bc Dr. Wayne and Dick "have an appointment downtown"
  • The next week a student gets a look at Dr. Wayne's screensaver. It's a photo of him, Alfred, Talia, and lil Damian, and Dick fucking Grayson, all standing and beaming outside the courthouse
  • Soon enough we all know without knowing how we know, but they both deserve a win and its a cute story, and we think that's that. Dick flip flops between his dorm and the manor, starts calling damian his lil bro and bragging about how adorable he is, all is well
  • Dick graduates cum laude and Dr..wayne most definitely wasn't crying when he handed his son his degree
  • The traitor moves to Bludhaven for grad school but we do eventually forgive him when he moves back and becomes a chemical forencist for GPD

And wouldn't you know it, while Dick's in grad school, another Tragic TA Approaches

  • Jason Peter Todd
  • the nerdiest nerd to ever nerd
  • he arrives at GU having fought tooth and nail his entire life to make it to college. no one is entirely sure of everything he had to do, and nobody is ever going to ask, but it's kind of obvious that Jason has Seen Things, and Done Things that no kid should have to
  • his dad has been in prison since forever and his mom overdosed when he was still a little kid. He grew up homeless in Crime Alley, and he's the only one who talks about it, but not often
  • this lil nerd bean was at the library as often as he could, reading absolutely everything, and teaching himself as much as he humanly could because he wasn't able to go to school. don't tell him he's lucky for that.
  • he gets his GED, builds up an army of scholarships, and rents a shitty apartment like an hour from school to avoid exorbitant dorm costs, and walks. to school. every day. and home at night.
  • like i said, dude is fucking committed
  • anyway, he comes in majoring in chem, and we don't talk about the fact that he's organizing his own concentration in biochem and substance abuse
  • we can and do talk about the fact that he has about seven minors, including but not limited to literature, history, arabic, and fucking aviation. (more on those later)
  • anyhow, naturally Jason is placed in Dr. Wayne's gen chem 1. 
  • Dr. Wayne's Dad Senses go wild
  • it's so awkward to watch for the first full year, because dr. wayne is trying so hard to Parent Jason without looking like that's what he's doing, and Jason is trying so hard to pretend he doesn't absolutely love it 
  • Jason, being an overachiever, starts asking about summer research/internships. Dr. Wayne explains his current research and offers Jason a place in his lab, since his previous helper (read: Dick) isn't available for the position anymore
  • Jason says yes
  • we still don't know what happened over the summer, but at the start of the fall semester, all Jason's official paperwork is using Jason Peter Todd-Wayne and he blatantly refers to Dr. wayne as "dad" as often as he humanly can. it was so heartbreakingly sad and adorable
  • jason now lives at the manor with dr. wayne, talia, and damian (and dick, when he's home)
  • he's a total momma's boy and naturally adds a minor in arabic
  • he's also still a teenager who loves pissing off authority figures, so as soon as he figures out how salty dr wayne is about hal and aviation, he adds that one on too
  • we heard Dr. Wayne's heavy sigh halfway across town.
  • jason's currently still here at GU going for his master's in biochem, but for a while we did not think that would happen.
  • you know how i said Dr. Wayne is hella scared about lab safety bc TRAUMA?
  • and that prof dent got his face burned off, and jack napier got fucked up?
  • well it almost happened again
  • introducing arthur fleck, a freshman in gen chem 1 while jason was TA.
  • this kid almost didn't get into school bc of... violent tendencies. but he did
  • he was weirdly obsessed with dr. wayne for some reason, and was freakishly jealous of Jason's relationship with him. he was seriously shitty to Jay, but never when other people could catch him at it, and of course, jason's still not used to having someone to help him with shit, let alone to actually asking for help, so he tries to "deal with it"
  • it just escalates
  • finally the worst happens. Jason's alone in the lab setting up for the 8am class. Arthur slips into the storage room and starts a fire. He locks the door when he leaves.
  • By the time Jason realizes there's a fire, it's too late to do anything but run, and he can't. 
  • The east wing of the science building was closed for three months.
  • Arthur Fleck was not only expelled, but arrested and sentenced for attempted murder
  • for a while we didn't think the charge would be 'attempted'
  • Dr. Gordon and President fucking Ra's ended up taking over Dr. Wayne's and Talia's classes for a month while they basically lived at the hospital. dick dropped out of blud U for the semester to come home
  • jason was in a coma for six months, and when he first woke up, everybody thought he'd be catatonic for the rest of his life. the family slowly went back to their lives, but people would quietly ask after jay and get the same tight smile
  • it took 2 years, but eventually jason recovered
  • everyone assumed he'd switch majors like prof dent, if he came back to school at all, but jason is nothing if not a committed stubborn bastard. the whole chemistry department threw a welcome back party for him, and the poor guy had no idea how to react because he knew maybe a quarter of the people who were still students, but it was a Good Day.
  • miraculously, he escaped without too bad of physical scars. a bunch of his hair went completely white with shock/stress, and his eyes went from blue to like, chlorine gas green, but the unspoken consensus is that he's like 4 times hotter. nobody is ever allowed to say that tho
  • at any rate, jason is pretty much ok now, but god help you if you mess around in lab, go to the storage room for any reason, or improperly operate your bunsen burner.
  • be warned that jason will crack jokes about it all the time though. its how he copes. Dr. Quinn says there are worse ways to deal with it.

In the middle of that whole mess, while Jason was comatose/catatonic, came Tim fucking Drake

  • Tim Drake is just a Normal Guy
  • except for all the ways that he is totally not normal, somebody get this child to therapy, STAT.
  • He comes in at like 15 yrs old, already having graduated high school bc this kid is That smart
  • Hes. Living. On. Campus.
  • He tries to hide it, but he had to get a ton of special permissions and such because it is Not Normal for a minor to live in the dorms
  • Apparently his parents "travel for work a lot"
  • "A lot" meaning close to ten months out of the year
  • He has to contact their secretary to get a Skype or even phone call with them, which only happens every 6-8 weeks and lasts about 20 min
  • This has been going on since the child was 8
  • Like i said. Therapy. Please.
  • Anyhow, here's tim, this lil genius who has absolutely no concept of authority or age-appropriateness or like literally anything other than Science and Memes, but who has idolized Dr. Wayne's research since he could read
  • And here's Dr. Wayne, fraying at the seams with Jason home but unresponsive, constantly terrified that there's going to be another disaster. 
  • There were rumors that he may stop teaching
  • Tim fucking drake said no.
  • This nutty lil bastard takes all his classes with Dr. Wayne and seems to have the single goal of reminding him why he's a teacher and why he shouldn't stop, and that what he's doing is actually the best way to prevent awful accidents. 
  • And it fucking works 
  • Granted we aren't sure if it was tims genius plan or tims Obvious Need for A Parent but still
  • He starts TAing in sophomore year as well, at fucking 16, and it is not fun to be corrected by the lil beastie
  • But he's making Dr. Wayne smile again so honestly who cares if its embarrassing 
  • We had a betting pool going as to when this one would be adopted. Kacey McLachlan (class of 21) won $500 and a Gucci scrunchie by predicting it would happen spring of Tim's sophomore year
  • We felt bad for a while about betting bc we all assumed Dr. Wayne would just sue for custody since the Drakes were criminally neglectful
  • (Seriously, Prof Dent offered to take the case for free he was so concerned)
  • But their airplane crashed and Tim became an orphan. Honestly the saddest part was how not sad Tim was. If anything he seemed confused. 
  • After a respectful amount of time, Dr. Wayne swoops in. Tim doesn't have anyone else, the two of them are close, he already knows the whole family well enough that even the still half-catatonic Jason can recognize his face... it was the obvious decision to be made.
  • Tim moves into the manor and slowly adjusts to the culture shock of not being an Only Child anymore
  • And the culture shock of having caring adult supervision. 
  • Apparently this child did not understand the concept of breakfast as a necessity. Or lunch. Or fluids other than coffee and Monster. Or sleep. 
  • (If Dr. Wayne weren't loaded we'd be making a GoFundMe for this child to go to counseling)
  • Tim's there of course for the joyous day that Jason becomes lucid again 
  • Jason was salty about being replaced for the first 5.6 x 10^-4 seconds
  • Then he found out about tim's parents and was so filled with righteous fury he would have adopted Tim himself if Bruce didn't have the papers to show him it was already done
  • Tim's a senior now, about to get a BS in chemical engineering, as soon as he finishes his senior research project 
  • Someone needs to do a senior research project on him, because he drinks so much fucking coffee it has to have altered his genetic code
  • And that's pretty much that
  • Like I said. Tim is completely normal
  • Except that he is not normal at all remotely and i think at this point im the one who needs therapy.

Notes:

Deepest apologies for leaving this on a "cliffhanger," but the brain won't brain on it more from here. If you feel inspired to create with this universe or add to it, please do! Drop an "inspired by" so I can see the wonderful things you make