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Chapter Text

By the time they cut the driver out of the car and strap him to a backboard, Buck is sweating beneath his turnouts. Again.

He pounds on the back door of the ambulance after slamming it shut, then watches the flashing lights reflect off the wet pavement as it drives away. It’s tempting to pull off his helmet and let the January rain pour onto his face and neck. That little bit of relief might be the only thing he’d be grateful to this goddamn, never-ending storm for right now, drought or no drought.

Seems it never rains in Southern California… Yeah, right.

The calls have been non-stop since the start of their shift eighteen hours ago: flooded basements, cars hydroplaning all over the freeway, a massive sinkhole at a shopping plaza. And just when Buck thought they’d be back at the firehouse long enough for a hot shower and a nap, dispatch sent them to a head-on collision on a dark, twisting canyon road.

Beside him, Eddie hunches over, hands on knees. Buck’s deciding whether to risk an encouraging slap on the back when he catches sight of Bobby waving them over.

“Tow truck’s on its way now to clear the road, and Hen and Chim will have the other driver ready to transport in about five minutes,” Bobby tells them after they plod over. “Get ready to move out.”

“I’m ready to move out to the desert if this rain keeps up for another day,” Eddie grumbles, which earns him a tired smile from Bobby.

As they head back to the crumpled SUV for their tools, Buck makes a feeble attempt to lighten the mood. “I guess this is how we pay for all the sunshine, huh?”

He catches Eddie frowning before he turns away, and Buck’s heart withers a little more. Nothing’s been right these past couple weeks. He fucked up again. This time, something priceless might be gone forever, all because he lost his head for a few seconds.

In all fairness, Buck was coming off a particularly shitty Christmas when it happened. After last year’s sad holiday, when Maddie and Chimney were gone and Eddie had announced—on Christmas Day, of all times—that he was leaving the 118, Buck was really hoping for a good one this year. Then his parents decided to visit so they could spend Christmas with Jee-Yun, and it was like they cursed the whole damn week.

Everyone around Buck was out of sorts (or downright miserable). Maddie was stressed and exasperated with their parents; Chimney looked like an animal ready to chew its leg off rather than spend one more minute with his sort-of in-laws; Bobby’s house was inundated with May’s USC friends hoping for a home-cooked meal; Hen’s entire family got the flu; and Eddie insisted on juggling too many things alone while Carla was on vacation.

So maybe Buck got carried away and tried to kiss his best friend one night after Chris had gone to bed? He’d been so down, so unmoored since the holidays. But somehow being alone with Eddie, doing the most mundane kitchen things, had made everything feel right again—maybe even more than right— and well, it just sort of happened.

And Eddie can’t seem to forget it, like Buck told him to.

Buck heaves the jaws off the ground with a tired grunt and circles the vehicle out of habit to check for anything else they’d left lying around. It’s only then that he notices that the rear passenger door isn’t latched. Buck stares at it for a moment, confused. Neither he nor Eddie even attempted to get in that side. The SUV had been pushed too close to the guardrail for them to maneuver easily, so they’d resorted to cutting through the mangled driver’s door instead.

Maybe he’s so tired that he doesn’t remember opening the rear door. Or maybe it popped open on impact. But something in Buck’s gut makes him stop, makes him take a look inside the car. His instincts—the ones he’s learned to listen to over the past five years—are clamoring like alarm bells.

Sure enough, lying on the floor behind the driver’s seat are a woman’s purse and pink quilted jacket. And there’s a small smear of blood on the deflated rear airbag.

“Eddie,” Buck calls out over the downpour and the steady rumble of the 118’s idling engine. “Come look at this.”

Eddie, as usual, doesn’t need Buck to explain the problem after he looks into the back seat. “Shit. Where do you think she went? There isn’t a house around here for a half a mile.”

Buck looks as far up the road as he can, to where the headlights of the 118’s trucks are swallowed by darkness and rain. Nothing. On the far side of the road, a rocky cliff looms over the scene. No possible escape route that way. That only leaves the left side, where the guardrail protects cars from a shallow, tree-lined ravine.

“Hello! Is anyone down there?” Buck calls as he walks along the edge of the road.

Eddie comes up behind him. “LAFD. Can you hear us?”

Just past the end of the guardrail, a faint cry emerges from below. Buck worries he might have imagined it until Eddie’s headlamp catches a figure lying at the bottom of the steep embankment. She’s on her side, clearly injured but still able to wave her arm to get their attention.

“Cap, we just found a second victim from the SUV,” Eddie says urgently into his radio. “Looks like she got out of the car and fell down the hill. She’s conscious, but she might need to be carried up.”

“Copy that, Eddie. How far down is she?”

“Only about fifteen feet, but it’s steep. We’ll need a rope.”

“Okay, you and Buck go down and assess her. Ravi and I will get the basket ready to bring her up, if you need it.” Wearily, Bobby adds, “Cross your fingers it’s just a sprained ankle. The way things are going tonight, it could take a while to get another ambulance out here.”

“Fingers and toes crossed, Cap. We’ll give you an update as soon as we get down there.”

Buck jogs to the engine for rope, then back to Eddie, who has his med kit slung over his shoulder once more. After tying the rope to the guardrail, Eddie eases himself down, hand over hand, digging his toes into the soft soil as he goes. Buck follows quickly, his fatigue forgotten in the face of another rescue.

“We’re gonna get you out in just a minute, ma’am,” Eddie reassures the woman when he reaches her. She’s young, probably in her twenties, with dark hair sticking to her face. Buck notices that the beige trench coat she’s wearing looks like it belongs to someone much bigger than her. “Were you injured at all in the crash? Or when you fell?”

“I… I don’t think so. The airbag hurt my face a little, and then I went down the hill on my butt when I slipped. I’ve been calling out since you guys got here.” Her eyes go wide and she tries to prop herself up on one hand. “The guy driving was my father-in-law. Is he going to be okay?”

Eddie eases her back down, then reaches to take a small flashlight from Buck. “He’s on his way to the hospital now. He was pretty out of it, but his vital signs were nice and strong. Look up at me for a second, so I can check your pupils.”

“Oh, thank God. He was driving me… driving me to—”

She breaks off with a gasp, causing Eddie to shift the light away from her eyes, alarmed.

“Hey, hey, we’ve got you,” Buck says soothingly. He tries to turn her onto her back, but she curls up even more tightly. “Okay, can you tell us where you’re hurt?”

“Not hurt!” the woman almost yells. Panting, she looks up at Eddie with a panicked expression. “In labor. We were driving to the hospital.”

Startled, Buck looks down at the curve of her abdomen beneath the trench coat. “Oh, boy. This is going to complicate things.”

Eddie lays a gentle hand on her belly. “Okay, I can feel the baby moving, so that’s good. How many weeks along are you, and how far apart are your contractions?”

“Thirty-nine weeks, and I haven’t exactly been timing them since I fell into this ditch!”

“What about when you were in the car? Or before you left the house? Do you remember how far apart they were then?”

“Eight minutes apart when we left. I wanted to make sure we gave ourselves extra time to drive through this rain. We were only taking this stupid road because we heard that the 405 was shut down. A truck rolled over, or something.” She lets out a groan and tries to wipe the hair out of her eyes with a muddy hand. “I haven’t even called my husband yet! He works nights.”

“Yeah, this might not have been the best route to take,” Buck says. “It’s supposed to be closed at night. I guess someone forgot to shut the gates in the storm.”

Eddie radios Bobby to fill him in and come up with a plan for getting a very pregnant woman out of a ravine and to the hospital. Meanwhile, Buck tries to comfort their patient, who has introduced herself as Liza. She manages to sit up and breathe through the next contraction while Eddie’s on the radio. It’s 3:05 AM, according to Buck’s watch.

He starts to tell Eddie so that they can time Liza’s contractions, but Eddie holds up a hand to silence him.

“Do you hear that?”

Buck listens for a sound that isn’t the engine or the voices of their team up on the road. He shakes his head at Eddie, but then he thinks he hears something—a steady rushing noise, still distant but deeper than an approaching downpour sounds.

“What is it?” he asks Eddie in a hushed voice.

Liza gives a sudden cry and lifts her hands. “Water! There’s water under me!”

There is. Since they’ve been down here with Liza, the rain-fed stream at the center of the ravine has widened quickly, creeping up over Buck’s boots while he wasn’t looking. He scoops Liza up without thinking.

“Cap, we need to get out of here, now!” Eddie shouts into the radio. “The water is rising fast, all of a sudden. We might have a flash flood situation.”

“Oh, god.” Liza clings more tightly to Buck’s neck with both arms. “How is this night getting worse?”

Buck looks up the embankment. He doesn’t see any headlamps or baskets being lowered. With a start, he realizes that the water has started flowing around his calves with more force.

“There’s no time, Eddie! We’ll have to go up the other side.” Buck jerks his chin to direct Eddie’s gaze that way. “It’s not as steep. We can get away from the water.”

“Okay, yes,” Eddie says quickly. “Hold on, Liza. Change of plans.”

With one hand gripping Buck’s bicep to keep him steady, Eddie guides them across the ravine. The far slope is thick with evergreen oaks and sagebrush, grown as high as their heads. It’s slippery too, especially when you’re carrying someone. Eddie moves behind Buck and keeps a hand on his lower back just in case he loses his footing.

Below, the sound of flowing water increases.

Buck keeps climbing until he reaches a more level spot where he can catch his breath. It’s too dark to see down into the ravine. Even the flashing red lights of the 118’s engine and ambulance are obscured now. As if on cue, Liza stiffens in his arms with another contraction. He sets her down on her feet, but lets her lean against him while she pants through the pain.

3:09 AM. Four minutes since the last one. This baby is definitely coming, and it’s not gonna wait for a hospital bed.

Eddie’s back on the radio. “Bobby, we had to climb up the far side of the ravine. The water was rising too fast.”

“I know. We saw your lights,” Bobby’s voice shouts from Eddie’s chest, where his radio is clipped. It sounds like he’s out of breath. “Keep going up!”

“What’s going on? Cap, what’s happening?” Eddie calls back.

“Just get higher! Go! Now!”

Eddie picks up Liza and Buck follows him upward, between the tall bushes and over dead branches littering the ground. Everything seems to sway in the light of their moving headlamps, like an eerie dance, as they climb, climb, climb.

The rushing sound behind them turns into a roar. And, holy shit, is it loud.

“Where’s all that water coming from?” Liza wails. “How are we going to get back?”

“All the rain falling on these hills is getting funneled into this canyon. There must have been a cloudburst somewhere upstream, too much for the ground to absorb all at once.” Buck takes a few breaths then says, almost as an afterthought, “Or the reservoir overflowed.”

“What reservoir?” Eddie demands.

“There’s a small one further up the road. I’ve gone hiking up here a couple times. Don’t worry—it’s not a big one like Hollywood,” Buck says, trying to sound reassuring. “Probably just a backup reservoir. We’ll be safe up here.”

Abruptly, Eddie comes to a halt and pivots to face Buck. “It’s not us I’m worried about.”

Oh.

How deep is the water down there? Buck’s heart kicks in his chest as he imagines their team trapped between the overflowing ravine and the canyon wall. Trapped with a patient who could have spinal injury or a broken leg or worse.

Buck grips his radio and ducks his chin to speak into it. “Bobby, come in!”

Silence.

“118, come in. Hen! Chimney! Do you copy?”

Again, nothing.

“Don’t even think about going back down there, Buck!” Eddie shouts, just as Liza says, “Contraction!”

Buck looks helplessly between the dark canyon below and Liza’s agonized face. Right. They need to take care of her first. She’s soaking wet, probably cold, and her contractions are only going to get closer together from here on out. With a nod to Eddie, Buck switches the channel on the radio.

“Dispatch, this is Firefighter Buckley, 118.”

“Go ahead, 118.” There’s a pause while Buck struggles against the lump in his throat, causing the dispatcher to prompt, “What do you need, Firefighter Buckley?”

God, where does Buck even begin? He swallows hard.

“We’re at Franklin Canyon Park, responding to a motor vehicle accident. There seems to be a flash flood or maybe a dam break at the upper reservoir. Firefighter Diaz and I got cut off from our team and we’re unable to make radio contact with them.”

“Okay, we’ll locate your team. Let’s get you out of there. I’ve got the engine’s last GPS location. I can direct you to the nearest road—”

“No, no. We can’t hike out!” Buck says urgently. “We have one of the crash victims with us. She’s 39 weeks pregnant, in active labor. About three and a half minutes between contractions.”

Buck waits for a reply, pacing, until a familiar voice says, “Buck? It’s Josh. I’m sending a medevac flight to you, but it might be an hour or more. Lots of calls tonight.”

“No kidding,” Eddie mutters. He has Liza on her feet, with an arm wrapped around her waist to support her.

Josh continues, “Can you give me more information about your location? Any landmarks or signs?”

“We’re on a hillside, dense chaparral, probably a few hundred feet west of the road. Josh, I don’t think we have an hour before the baby comes.”

“I really don’t want to do this here!” Liza lifts her head from Eddie’s shoulder to look imploringly at Buck. “Please.”

“I can talk you through it,” Josh says calmly, making Buck kick the ground with irritation.

“We’ve both delivered babies before! That’s not our biggest concern right now. She’s already been out in the cold rain for too long. We need someplace more sheltered where she can lie down!”

“Okay, hold on. Let me look at the maps. Yes, there’s a trail uphill from you. If you follow it south, you’ll come to a small picnic area with a roof. Tell Mom I know it’s not a birthing suite at UCLA Medical, but it will get her out of the rain.”

“It’ll have to do. What about the 118? We can’t tell from up here if the road is underwater or not.”

“We’re working on it, Buck, I promise. You guys just worry about your patient. We’ll update you about your team and let you know when your ride’s on its way.”

Josh signs off, and the sound of the water pouring through the ravine fills Buck’s ears once again.

Oh, screw it. Buck takes his helmet off and turns his face to the black sky. Forget his bunk—he’d settle for the back seat of the engine right now, windows fogging up from their body heat and his knee knocking against Eddie’s as they ride back to the firehouse. Streets quiet and empty. Everyone safe and sound.

Yeah, that sounds great, actually.

“Buck?”

“Okay,” he sighs and wipes the rain out of his eyes. “Let’s go.”

Liza insists on trying to walk once they get to the trail, in the hopes that it might help with the contractions. They find the shelter easily. There are three picnic tables inside, all in decent condition. Eddie and Buck carry one to the back, which is the only side with a wall and therefore the driest spot.

“We got this,” Eddie whispers to Buck as he pulls latex gloves and the blood pressure cuff from his med kit. “I know we’re both tired, but we just have to get through the next hour or two until medevac gets here.”

Buck glances over at Liza, who’s walking in slow circles around the shelter, then back to Eddie. His brown eyes have some of their old warmth back, and Buck basks in it, soaks it up.

“You’re right. We got this.”

Chapter Text

The baby is born at 4:48 AM by Buck’s watch, during a colossal downpour so loud that Eddie has to shout to tell Liza that she has a daughter. Buck can’t help the laugh of relief that escapes him as Liza collapses back onto her makeshift pillow (Eddie’s folded-up turnout coat) and the baby wails her greeting to the world. Once Eddie has wiped her off, he places her on her mother’s chest and covers them both with a silver emergency blanket.

Now they just need the goddamn helicopter to get here.

Between cooing over the baby and monitoring Liza’s blood pressure, Buck radios dispatch again—in vain. Josh doesn’t have an ETA for their ride or any news about the 118. No one’s been able to communicate with them and the transponders on both the engine and the ambulance aren’t sending signals anymore. Even worse, all LAFD and L.A. County Rescue helicopters are tied up at several landslides, including one that swallowed a dozen houses in Nichols Canyon.

“Have you tried their cell phones?” Josh asks, cutting off the impatient tirade Buck’s about to launch into.

“Of course we did! We can’t get a signal. Maybe one of us can walk up the trail a little ways and try again, now that the baby’s here.”

“That might not help. I know some of the cell towers got knocked out in the wildfires last month. They may not have been repaired yet. Your crash victim’s 911 call came through an automatic collision notification from one of the vehicles. Sometimes they can get a signal where phones can’t.”

“Great. Why does anyone want to live in this hellscape of a city, again?”

Josh chuckles. “On nights like this, I have to wonder. All right, stand by up there. It won’t be much longer.”

When Buck turns back to Liza, she says glumly, “Guess I can’t call my husband to tell him the news, huh?”

“No, I’m sorry.” Buck gives her a sad smile. “But it’s probably better to wait until you can talk to him from a nice, safe hospital room. He might freak out if you tell him you’re lying on a picnic table in a pitch-black canyon with only a couple of EMTs.”

“Hey,” Eddie objects, “you mean a couple of awesome EMTs. I don’t think our paramedics could have done a better job, if I do say so myself.”

Liza rests her cheek against her daughter’s tiny head. “I have to agree, even if not one thing went according to my birth plan.”

“Ha, I bet. On the other hand, you’re gonna have a hell of a story to tell her someday, about the night she was born. That’s something, huh?”

“True,” Liza admits, returning Eddie’s grin.

Eddie looks at Buck, expecting him to chime in to help keep Liza’s spirits up. But the mention of paramedics made Buck’s stomach go cold, reminding him of the torrent of water that roared through the canyon, possibly sweeping away everything in its path. Hen and Chimney. Bobby and Ravi. The injured driver they were sent to help.

Buck makes a decision.

“Are you good here for a few minutes?” he asks Eddie, who has just about finished cleaning up as best he can.

“Yeah, I think so. Are you going to try calling them again?”

“No. I want to walk back down the hill and see how high the water is now.”

Eddie’s hand stops halfway to his bag, and Liza looks up, startled.

“But isn’t the helicopter coming soon? We’re still getting to the hospital that way, aren’t we?” she asks fearfully.

“Yes, we are,” Buck assures her, then meets Eddie’s eyes. “I just want to see. To know.”

Eddie leans on the picnic table for a moment, head bowed, then releases a resigned sigh so familiar that it features in Buck’s dreams sometimes. When Eddie looks up, Buck sees his own anguish and uncertainty reflected there, rather than the exasperation he expected.

“Just a quick check,” he tells Buck firmly. “Do not do anything stupid.”

“Nothing stupid. I’ll come right back.”

“Promise me, Buck.”

Buck nods sharply. “Promise.”

He pulls his coat on, claps his helmet back onto his head, and strides off into the dark before Eddie can change his mind. The rain has eased up slightly, as if the storm is satisfied with the mess it made here and has decided to move on. Buck follows the trail to roughly the place where they’d joined it, then turns into the bushes.

It felt like they’d climbed a mile coming up the hill, but it takes less than five minutes for Buck to edge his way back down. His boots sink into the saturated soil, and he has to make a quick grab for a branch a few times to keep from tumbling down the steeper places.

When he comes to the edge of the water, Buck stops. He looks for any lights first. Nothing. Next, he crouches down to let his headlamp search for the far side of the churning, brown floodwaters. The beam slides across them as Buck slowly lifts his head. It meets branches floating by, clumps of bushes torn up from the ravine. But he can’t see the opposite bank.

Buck’s heart sinks. He can’t find his team. He can’t help them—or save them.

He and Eddie will have to leave without them. They’re going to return into the firehouse alone, change out of their wet clothes and make coffee and stare at four empty chairs, with nothing to do but wait. And Buck feels the wrongness of that down to his very bones.

He stands there until his fading headlamp reminds him that Eddie’s probably starting to worry. Exhaustion weighs on him, heavier than his damp turnouts, as he trudges back to the trail. The blanket of gray clouds overhead is just visible now in the early dawn light, somehow making the situation feel more bleak.

Eddie’s waiting under the eaves of the shelter, like he was looking up the trail the entire time Buck was gone. Tipping against one of the concrete pillars, Buck shakes his head at Eddie’s questioning look.

“Nothing?”

“I couldn’t even see across. The water was too wide and it was still pitch dark down there. Christ.”

He can’t meet Eddie’s eyes as he says it. It feels like the ground’s sliding away beneath his feet. He needs someone to hold onto. But what if… what if Buck puts his hand out and Eddie won’t pull him up anymore?

Before they can say more, Liza calls Eddie over to ask him something. From his spot by the pillar, Buck hears him answering her softly, patiently. Maybe it’s being a father, or maybe Eddie’s just naturally good at projecting steadiness and calm when he needs to. Buck, on the other hand, always feels like he’s blundering through those moments, resorting to pat assurances. We’ve got you. You’re doing great. It’s gonna be okay.

He’d give anything to have someone say those things to him in a convincing way right now.

Buck’s radio chimes and Josh lets him know that medevac’s five minutes out. They’re going to land in a clearing further down the trail, then paramedics will hike up with a stretcher for the patients. Liza’s smile is bright when she hears. Buck can tell that she’s already anticipating the conclusion of her misadventure and a joyful reunion with her husband—the light at the end of the tunnel, finally drawing near.

But he and Eddie are still trapped in that tunnel, in the dark, waiting. Their ending is still very much up in the air.

*

The ride to the hospital is shockingly brief. Down in that dark canyon, far from any streetlights or illuminated windows, Buck could almost forget that there was a sprawling city all around them. But as soon as the helicopter lifts above the brown hills, there it is, waiting like a vast audience on the other side of the curtain.

As they buzz southward, Eddie knocks Buck with his elbow and points out the window. Buck has to squint, but he sees it— a red and white rescue helicopter flying in the opposite direction, towards the rugged hills that divide central L.A. from the San Fernando Valley.

Buck shares a pained look with Eddie, like a silent prayer: Please be on your way to our friends. Please find them.

In an unexpected turn of events, Athena is waiting for them at the hospital.

She’s standing at the bottom of the stairs leading to the rooftop helipad. This is not something Buck prepared himself for. Oh, god. If Athena has heard about it, what about Maddie? And Karen? Buck isn’t sure if he’s ready to break this kind of news to them, especially when he’s numb with sleeplessness and there’s no more adrenaline to fuel him.

Eddie must feel the same. He hesitates on the last stair, torn between facing Athena and following Liza and the medevac crew, who have just come out of the elevator. But then Liza gives them a cheerful goodbye wave and is rolled around a corner, and Buck and Eddie have nowhere to go but forward.

“What happened out there?” Athena asks grimly.

“Didn’t dispatch…” Eddie begins.

“Yes, but I want to hear the story from people who were there.”

Eddie sways slightly, and Buck can’t seem to find his voice. Athena, sharp-eyed as always, doesn’t say another word. Instead, she guides them towards the cafeteria, where she points them towards a table before getting in line for coffee and breakfast. Buck and Eddie peel off their turnout coats and set their other gear on an empty chair. The room smells unpleasantly of fried eggs and floor cleaner.

“All right,” Athena says before she even sits down at the table, “Eat first, then tell me everything.”

She’s in her working-a-case mode, all business and no nonsense. Buck droops with relief. If Athena’s gotten involved—with or without permission—she won’t let anything stand in her way until Bobby and the rest of the team are found. Buck chokes down the tepid breakfast sandwich she brought him, alternating with scalding black coffee. He’d have thought a hospital would know better than to serve it so hot.

“So, no word at all yet?” Eddie asks with dismay between bites.

“They’ve got a helicopter heading up there and people trying to clear the road so rescue units can come down from the north end of the canyon.” Athena’s mouth tightens. “There’s no sign at the south end that they tried to drive back the way they came.”

“They couldn’t have, unless they found somewhere to turn the engine around further up the road,” Buck points out. “The place where the collision happened was too narrow. And the tow trucks—”

Athena holds up a hand. “Wait, wait. Start from the beginning.”

Eddie does the honors, for which Buck is grateful. His brain feels like a waterlogged pile of newspaper, and he doesn’t think he’d be able to tell the story coherently. He adds a couple details, but otherwise stays silent and takes careful sips of his coffee.

At least Athena seems to have it together, soaking up everything she hears about their call. She’s in uniform yet doesn’t have the bleariness of someone who’s been working all night. When Eddie’s done (or rather, when she stops him before he can digress into the story of Liza’s delivery), she passes Buck her small notepad and asks him to draw the scene—where all the vehicles were when the flash flood started, the terrain around the road, distances. Buck does the best he can, then hands it back to Athena.

She studies it for a moment before flipping it closed briskly. “Okay, I’m going to drive you back to the firehouse, and then you are going to get some rest. No arguments, Buck. You two look dead on your feet. I promise to call as soon as there’s any news.”

Athena’s right, of course. And anyway, neither Buck nor Eddie has the energy to try to convince her otherwise.

B-shift is already on duty when they get there, so someone must have called them in a few hours early. The building feels hollow in a way that can’t be explained by the empty truck bays. It rattles Buck enough that he abandons any thought of waiting here and resting in the bunkroom. He’ll stay just long enough for a shower and fresh clothes, and then go home.

But Buck’s resolve wavers when he finds Eddie in the locker room packing his gym bag. Something about seeing him getting ready to leave gives Buck a tiny flutter of panic.

“Eddie.”

“Hmm?” Eddie responds without looking up.

“Look…” Buck glances through the glass walls of the locker room to see if anyone’s within earshot. “I know you’re still mad at me—”

Eddie scoffs under his breath as he zips up his bag. “I’m not mad at you. I was never mad.”

“So what’s with the cold shoulder routine, then?”

“Because I needed time to think, all right?” Eddie huffs tiredly, finally meeting Buck’s eyes. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around what the hell happened. And now really isn’t the time to talk about it, okay?”

“Oh,” Buck says. He feels disoriented, like he’s been blindfolded and spun around a few times. Eddie’s not angry. “I know it isn’t the right time. That’s not what I was going to ask you.”

“What, then?”

Buck swallows. “I don’t want to wait by myself. I don’t want to be alone if… if we get bad news. Please, Eddie.”

There’s a long moment of silence when Eddie seems torn. At last, he nods. Getting through this awful day must win out over pushing Buck back to arm’s length again.

“Do you want to crash at my house? Or we can go to yours, since it’s closer.”

“Yeah, how about mine,” Buck says with an exhale of relief. “Thank you.”

Eddie hauls the strap of his bag onto his shoulder and waits while Buck packs up his own. At least we’re talking again, Buck consoles himself silently. Whatever happens next, whatever flood sweeps over them later, at least he’ll have Eddie with him.

*

Buck’s got his head in his fridge, reaching for the water pitcher that got shoved to the back, when he hears Eddie swear behind him.

“What’s wrong?” Buck calls over his shoulder.

“You still haven’t bought a couch.”

Buck straightens, nearly hitting his head.

“Oh, shit. I forgot.”

“You forgot that you don’t have a couch?” Eddie asks. “That big empty spot in your living room just slipped your mind when you said I could crash here?”

“I wasn’t really thinking— Hey, hey. Wait.” Buck rushes to intercept Eddie before he can take another step towards the door. “You don’t have to go. I’ll sleep in the chair. You can sleep upstairs, okay?”

“Buck.”

“I don’t mind. And the traffic will be terrible. It’ll take you an hour to get home. Please,” Buck implores. “Just stay.”

Eddie looks at the floor for a minute, then shakes his head. “You can’t sleep in that chair, not after the night we’ve had. Come on, let’s go.”

He strides past Buck and picks up the bag he dropped when they came in. Buck’s about to block the door when Eddie unexpectedly moves in the opposite direction. Towards the stairs. Towards Buck’s bedroom.

“Uh,” Buck begins, confused.

“We’ve been awake for twenty-four hours, Buck. Longer, actually, because Christopher woke me up a half hour before my alarm went off by slamming the bathroom door.” Eddie gestures impatiently at the loft. “So let’s just get some sleep, okay?”

“Yeah. Sleep,” Buck echoes stupidly as he follows.

Because Eddie just asked to... Buck needs to grip the handrail as it sinks in that Eddie asked to sleep with him. In Buck’s bed. Granted, they’ve shared a bunk room for years. God knows how many hours they’ve spent in there, mere feet from each other. But this is something else, especially in the aftermath of what Buck did in Eddie’s kitchen.

Eddie has already shut himself in the bathroom by the time Buck gets to the top. He hastily scoops his dirty clothes off the floor and crams them into the hamper. Christ, he’s been such a mess lately that he’s reverted back to his probie days. At least the sheets are clean.

After changing into shorts and a hoodie, Buck sits on the end of the bed with his phone. Eddie finds him staring at the screen when he comes out of the bathroom.

“News?”

“No,” Buck answers. “I need to tell Maddie something. Chimney would normally be getting home soon, and I know she’ll start to worry if she doesn’t hear from him.”

“But you don’t want to freak her out?”

“Exactly.” Buck runs a hand over his tired eyes, willing them, and his brain, to focus for just a couple more minutes. “Okay, I’m gonna go with something vague.”

He types, sends, gets a reply immediately, texts back, and then sets the phone on the nightstand. Thankfully, Maddie must have her hands too full with Jee-Yun to suspect that something’s wrong.

“What did you say?” Eddie asks.

“Um, just that the ambulance got stuck in Franklin Canyon, so Chim will be late. And there’s no cell service there, so he wanted me to let her know.”

Eddie huffs. “Not that far from the truth. You may as well have told her what really happened.”

“What, that he got caught in a flood and he’s missing? That there are three other people with radios up there, and yet none of them have answered or called for help?” Buck shakes his head. “I can’t tell her that, Eddie. Not yet.”

“All right,” Eddie says gently. “Hey, with any luck, one of the rescue teams is going to find them any minute now, and Maddie will hear the story from Chimney himself over lunch. Right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I hope so.”

Buck lifts his head and is immediately confronted with the sight of Eddie setting his folded clothes on top of his gym bag. He’s only wearing a T-shirt and boxers, and the fabric gets pulled taut across his ass when he bends down. Jesus. Buck looks away quickly.

“Do you want some sweats?” Buck offers, putting the very last of his energy into sounding casual. Eddie accepts, and Buck directs him to the left end of the closet. “Bottom shelf.”

If Buck wasn’t so exhausted, this entire scenario would probably be ridiculous. Or maybe just nerve-racking. Possibly both at the same time. But he’s simply too wiped out to think too hard about it. And thinking about anything will only lead his mind back to their team, so it’s best to just stop entirely.

Staying as close to the edge of the bed as he can, Buck settles onto his side and keeps his eyes tightly shut while Eddie pulls on the sweatpants. After a moment, Buck feels the mattress dip behind him. Eddie lies back with a soft (and absurdly endearing) grunt and tugs the duvet over himself.

And here we are, Buck thinks drowsily. Maybe it’s not a big deal, after all. Why should it be? They’re not even going to talk to each other.

So of course Eddie talks and makes it weird.

“Buck?”

Buck tenses. “Hmm?”

“How the hell do you sleep without blackout curtains?”

“I just keep my eyes closed, duh,” Buck mumbles. He jabs backward with his elbow when Eddie snorts into his pillow. “Go to sleep.”

And they do, almost instantaneously, sliding into the deep, quiet canyon of it where the noise and worry of the world can’t reach them.

For a little while.

Chapter Text

Buck wakes slowly, drifting out of a dream that he doesn’t want to leave just yet.

Eddie’s kitchen… dim, familiar, safe. The room is a soft blur around a focal point: the movement of Eddie’s shoulder blades beneath his blue T-shirt as he rinses off plates in the sink. Standing just inside the doorway, Buck watches him, longing to lay his hands on Eddie’s back, to still the muscles and feel the warmth of him.

Just two steps, and Buck could do it—if he dares. If he gets up the nerve before Eddie has a chance to shoot him a look that says, Really? and stops Buck in his tracks. But Eddie hasn’t turned his head yet. There’s still time. The yellowish light from over the stove and the splash of the water and the back of Eddie’s neck are still there. To dream-Buck, the moment feels both endless and more fragile by the second, like putty being stretched too thin…

And then Buck finds himself awake in his own bedroom. It seems painfully bright after the shadowy dream kitchen, though it isn’t. The heavy rain has started up again.

No. Buck closes his eyes again, desperate to return to the dream, but he can’t fall back asleep with the rain drumming on the windows and Eddie breathing soft and steady beside him. So close.

Close, just like the night Buck actually tried to kiss him.

Unlike in his dream, Buck didn’t hesitate. He really did come up behind Eddie in his kitchen, in the corner between the sink and the fridge. He did slide one hand up the curve of Eddie’s shoulder, over the hem of his collar onto the nape of his neck. And when Eddie turned with his lips parted slightly in confusion, Buck had tilted his head and went for it. He wasn’t even nervous. Just… soaring inside. Knowing.

And then it came crashing down, because Eddie had stepped away so fast that he backed into the fridge with a thump. Buck can still see Eddie’s shocked face, as if it’s only been ten minutes instead of ten days. Sorry. I shouldn’t have. Forget it. Okay. Before he knew it, Buck was out the door and driving home, his knuckles white around the steering wheel.

It’s been radio silence since then, except when they absolutely needed to speak for work. Ten days of watching something precious crumbling and washing away.

Now isn’t the time, Eddie’s voice echoes in Buck’s head. Right. He picks up his phone from the nightstand.

No calls, no messages. It’s been over four hours since they got here, and nothing. What the hell are they doing, sleeping when their team is out there somewhere? What the hell is he doing, lying in bed and moping like an idiot when his friends need him?

Phone in hand, Buck pushes himself out of bed and trots down the stairs, continuing to berate himself. He’ll start a pot of coffee, then he’ll call Athena. Or dispatch, even though Josh’s shift is probably over now. Maybe Sue will—

Buck’s phone rings. Shit. It’s Maddie.

“Hey.”

“Hey?” Maddie’s voice blasts out of the phone. “That’s what you have to say? I waited and waited, and Chimney didn’t come home. I had to find out from my boss that there’s a huge search operation going on for the ambulance that my brother told me was stuck in the mud, or something.”

“I didn’t want to make you worry.”

“Aren’t you worried?” Maddie demands. “Josh told me you sounded pretty freaked out when you radioed.”

Buck drops onto a barstool. “Okay, yes I’m worried. But when I texted you, I really hoped it was a matter of getting a helicopter out there, like they did for Eddie and me. But we shouldn’t jump to the worst conclusion, okay? Maybe they just climbed uphill to get away from the water, too.”

“Buck, you don’t need to keep downplaying this for my sake. Franklin Canyon isn’t that big, and it’s in Beverly Hills, not the Mojave Desert. They would have been found by now if they were just standing around, waiting for a ride.”

“I know.” A heavy sense of dread fills Buck as he acknowledges it. “What else did you find out?”

“The search helicopter dropped someone down to the 118’s engine. It was right where it was parked during the call, but the ambulance was gone.”

“What?! Wait, hold on a sec,” Buck interrupts, because Eddie’s rushing downstairs.

He’s rumpled and barely awake, like he flung himself out of bed when he heard the phone call happening. Buck beckons him closer and puts the phone on speaker.

“They found the engine covered with mud and debris up to the windows, but no one was in it. The ambulance was nowhere to be seen. Do you think Chimney and Hen started driving away before the flood hit?”

“I’m not sure. Bobby said they were almost ready to transport.” Buck looks at Eddie for confirmation. “I don’t think they wouldn’t have gotten very far from the scene. It all happened so fast.”

“Okay. I guess we’ll just have to be patient.”

Buck hears the wobble in her voice as she says it. “I’m gonna come over. Let me get some coffee and I’ll be there in half an hour, okay?”

“Yes, that would be great,” Maddie says tearfully. “Have you eaten anything?”

“Athena bought us breakfast at the hospital, when we came in on the medevac flight. I was about to call her to see if she’s heard anything.”

“I’ll call her. And I’ll make you something for lunch. Jee just went down for her nap and I need to do something besides pace around.”

Buck catches Eddie’s wrist before he can move away and says into the phone. “I’m bringing Eddie with me.”

“Yes, of course,” Maddie says. “God, you both must be going crazy. Your entire team…”

“Yeah.” Buck’s eyes lock with Eddie’s as Maddie’s words sink in. “We’ll, uh, see you soon.”

As soon as he ends the call, Buck reaches for Eddie. He comes willinging, taking fistfulls of Buck’s hoodie and letting his forehead rest on Buck’s shoulder.

Your entire team.

Where can they be? It’s been nine hours now since water roared through the canyon, nine hours since they last heard Bobby’s voice through the radio. Buck knows the power of moving water all too well, what if feels like to be in the grasp of something that wants to carry you away or smash you to pieces.

Buck wraps his arms more tightly around Eddie while trying to banish the horrible pictures in his head, both the newly imagined ones and those unhelpfully provided by his memory. Eddie relaxes into the embrace. How many times has Buck longed for this kind of comfort, but never dared to offer it—or ask for it? How many heartbreaks and near misses and nightmarish ordeals have they endured since they’ve known each other, yet never allowed themselves this?

Too many, Buck decides.

*

Maddie’s on the phone when she opens the door. She mouths the word Karen to Buck and Eddie, then points them towards the kitchen, where a pot of tomato soup and a plate of sandwiches await. Ham with double cheese, just like she used to make for Buck’s school lunches. He gives her a weak smile when she paces past the kitchen again.

“Karen, I don’t think you need to do that just yet. Athena said they’re doing everything they can, and you know she’s not afraid to push if she thinks they aren’t.” Maddie drops heavily onto the couch. “Are you sure you don’t want to come over? Buck and Eddie just got here… All right. Talk to you soon.”

“How’s she doing?” Eddie asks.

“As well as can be expected,” Maddie sighs. “She’s trying to keep busy at work. She was on the verge of ordering half a dozen grad students to start poring over satellite images of Franklin Canyon, but I convinced her to hold off… I think.”

Buck gestures to himself and Eddie. “Do you think they’d let us go back up there? Maybe there’s a clue that they missed.”

“I don’t think so. The search is still being conducted by air, as far as I know. The road is washed out or blocked by fallen trees in a lot of places. So unless you plan to go in on foot—”

“No,” Eddie says vehemently across the table to Buck. “That park is hundreds of acres. Wandering around trying to find them is not an option.”

“I wasn’t going to suggest that!” Buck insists. “I meant in the helicopter.”

“We have to trust that they know what they’re doing, Buck. They’ll have a protocol for searches like this, and we’d only be interfering.”

“But we know Bobby! We know how he thinks and— and if one of us looks at the accident scene from above, we might be able to guess what he decided to do. And it sounded like he was doing something when he ordered us to climb the hill, right?”

“Don’t you think I’ve been trying to figure that out myself?” Eddie says with exasperation. “He didn’t have a lot of choices.”

“Boys!” Maddie hisses, just as the sound of Jee-Yun crying from the bedroom reaches them.

As Maddie hurries past, Eddie runs a hand over his face. He still looks exhausted, and Buck knows he probably doesn’t look any better. If they were alone, he’d be tempted to reach for Eddie again. Buck settles for a whispered apology instead.

Eddie waves it off. “I get it. I wish there was something we could be doing, too.”

Maddie returns with a sleepy Jee in her arms. They veer into the kitchen for a sippy cup of water and then back to the living room. With her messy head tilted against Maddie’s shoulder, Jee catches sight of Buck and Eddie at the table. Buck gives her a little wave.

“Hey, sweetie,” he calls softly.

Jee-Yun’s brown eyes search the room. “Papa here?”

“Not yet, baby,” Maddie says, then bites her lip.

Christ, would the universe be so cruel as to take Chimney away? Buck pushes his plate away, appetite gone. Life’s been going so well for Maddie since she moved back in with Chim. She’s back to work at the call center, the renovations at the new house are coming along, Jee-Yun is happy and thriving. Buck knows there’s no such thing as fairytale endings—life keeps marching on, with good times and bad times. But if anyone deserves a long stretch of good ones, it’s Maddie.

You just never know when a streak of sunny weather’s suddenly going to end, Buck thinks, looking out the window.

He’s about to hold out his arms for Jee when his phone rings.

“Athena?”

“Buck. They found the ambulance.”

“Really?” Buck jumps up from his chair and repeats what she said to Maddie and Eddie. “Where?”

Maddie and Eddie come to stand on either side of Buck. He wraps an arm around Maddie’s shoulders.

“On a fire road just a bit north of your accident scene. It looks like they were trying to drive up it to get away from the water.”

Buck’s breath catches in his chest. “What happened? You said they were trying to drive away.”

“Mudslide. The road was cut deep into the hillside, and both sides came down and almost buried the ambulance completely. That’s why the rescue teams didn’t spot it, and probably why their radios didn’t work.”

“So how did they find it?”

Athena chuckles. “I figured it out—or pointed them in the right direction, anyway. I’ve been married to Bobby for a few years now, you know. I looked at the map and the information that you and Eddie gave me, and I tried to think like a fire captain. That fire road seemed like the obvious escape route.”

“Think like Bobby. Good idea,” Buck says, nudging Eddie. “So, can they tell if…”

“They’re dropping a team down now to dig out the ambulance. They’ve promised to let me know the second they get a look inside. Do you want me to call Maddie?”

“I’m right here,” Maddie says into the phone. “Buck and Eddie came over to wait with me. Could you call Karen?”

“I will do that,” Athena promises. “Just hang tight, Buckleys. We’ve almost got them.”

“Thanks, Athena.”

Buck gives Maddie a quick squeeze. “That’s good news.”

“Is it?” Maddie asks shakily. “How well can an ambulance stand up to being hit by a mudslide?”

“Pretty well, I think,” Eddie reassures her. “They’re not built like fire engines, but they’re not flimsy box trucks, either.”

“And they’ll have oxygen and water in there, and medical supplies,” Buck adds.

Maddie lets Buck take Jee-Yun with a nod. “Okay. Okay, we’re going to hope for the best-case scenario, then.”

As she’s turning away, she lets out a strange laugh.

“What?” Buck asks.

With a feigned scowl, she rounds on him. “The ambulance was stuck in the mud.”

“So it was,” Buck says, grinning. “So it was.”

He accepts a slap on the back from Eddie and bounces Jee-Yun over to the windows to watch the storm.

*

They wait.

Buck keeps Jee-Yun amused by letting her feed him Cheerios one by one while he lies on the living room floor. Maddie cleans the already-clean bathroom, and Eddie makes a few phone calls to arrange for Chris to go home with a friend after school. The rain keeps pouring down.

Buck’s starting to take the weather personally, at this point.

When Eddie comes over to sit down, Buck tells Jee he’s too full to eat another bite and levers himself off the rug with a groan. She follows him onto the couch, settling between Buck and Eddie with a contented wiggle that makes Eddie smile.

A few minutes later, Maddie sweeps by and turns on a show for Jee-Yun. Buck takes the opportunity to slide down enough to let his head rest against the cushions and zone out for a while. But it’s not long before he feels restless again. He glances over at Eddie, who’s staring blankly at the television with his arms folded across his chest. The cartoon dogs are definitely not the thing occupying his thoughts right now.

And then Buck has to look away because the knowing—the same realization that hit him in Eddie’s kitchen—returns in full force. He’d been so consumed by the belief that he’d fucked up their friendship forever that he hadn’t let himself think about it. But now… now that this harrowing day has brought Eddie back to him a little bit… There it is, another bolt from the blue, less shocking than the first time but still dazzling.

Somewhere along the line, without Buck noticing it, his love for Eddie shifted into a new form, like a pastel sunset that turns a fiery red. Sitting on Maddie’s couch, Buck is overcome once again by the certainty that he’s found everything he could ever want in a partner in the man beside him.

At least there’s a toddler sitting between them this time, so he can’t do something rash, Buck consoles himself. Not that he would—because behind the flare of these emotions looms the reality that Eddie doesn’t want the same thing he does. And that’s something Buck’s not ready to deal with just yet.

*

After a tortuous hour, they finally—finally—get the call. Maddie runs in from the bedroom when she hears Buck’s phone ring.

“All safe and accounted for,” Athena proclaims. “Just a few bumps and bruises from when the mud slammed into the ambulance. They just got on the helicopter.”

“Oh, thank god,” Maddie says, palm pressed to her heart.

“They’re really all fine, Athena?” Buck asks anxiously, prompting Eddie to rest a hand on his shoulder.

“I haven’t seen them with my own eyes yet, obviously, but dispatch did patch me through to talk to Bobby for a minute. He told me himself that everyone’s okay. And judging by the way Chimney is cracking jokes, I’d say they made it through the ordeal without too much trauma.”

Maddie smiles fondly. “What did he say?”

“He was trying to bribe the pilot to fly him to some barbeque place near L.A. County General after they drop off their patient. Had his order all planned out and everything.”

“Yeah, I bet his secret stash of granola bars wasn’t cutting it after nine hours,” Eddie says with a laugh. “How’s their patient doing?”

“They kept him stable and comfortable. His injuries didn’t sound critical, thankfully. They’ll get him into surgery as soon as he arrives. I’m headed over to the hospital now.”

“We’ll meet you there,” Buck tells Athena.

Maddie takes Jee-Yun to the bedroom to get her ready. Eddie’s hand is still warm on Buck’s shoulder, keeping him steady while the worry that’s been gripping him finally eases. With a sigh, Buck lets his chin drop against his chest.

“All’s well that ends well,” he murmurs, mostly to himself. “Again.”

Eddie huffs softly. “Sometimes I have to wonder how we do it. One of these days—”

“No. Don’t say it. Please don’t tempt fate, Eddie. We’ve had too many close calls already.”

“Okay.”

Buck presses his palm to the middle of Eddie’s back, just for a moment, to show his gratitude. As eager as he is to meet their team at the hospital, he longs for more time alone with Eddie, to talk about everyday things or simply sit in silence. Whatever it takes to finish healing the wound of the past ten days.

And if Buck has to bury his feelings in order to keep Eddie, he’ll just have to figure out a way to do that. There’s no other option.

All of that will have to wait, though. Maddie returns with Jee-Yun and it’s time to go out into the deluge again.

Chapter Text

“So,” Hen says casually, adjusting the bandage on her sprained wrist, “it looks like you two worked things out. Finally.”

“Uh, what do you mean?” Buck asks as Eddie tries to disguise his embarrassment with a cough.

Hen scoffs. “Yeah, don’t think we all didn’t notice. Bobby was going to stage an intervention if it lasted much longer. The tension was getting unbearable.”

And here Buck thought he and Eddie had managed to keep things under wraps. He should have known better. Buck looks across the emergency ward to where the rest of their team (except Ravi, who already left after getting checked out) has gathered around Bobby’s bed. He’d been standing in the back of the ambulance when the mudslide hit and possibly fractured a rib on the gurney.

“It was just a dumb misunderstanding, Hen,” Buck mumbles.

The briefest flicker of confusion—or is it hurt?—appears on Eddie’s face, but then he shrugs at Hen.

“Yeah. No big deal.” With a hand on Hen’s elbow, Eddie helps her up from the hospital bed. “Can you drive with that sprain?”

“Maddie and Chim are going to drop me off. And then I am going to sleep for the next two days. Or until my wife wakes me up to lecture me about driving into mudslides.”

They drift over to Bobby, who tells Buck and Eddie what happened after their last radio call. Before they could go anywhere, they first had to roll one of the collided cars out of the way so the ambulance had room to squeeze past. The team had barely gotten inside it when the water reached the road. As if narrowly escaping the rising flood wasn’t harrowing enough, they turned onto the fire road only to be buried in mud seconds later. Without any tools to dig themselves out or a way to call for help, there was nothing to do but wait. So they tended to their patient and found ways to pass the time—much more time than they expected, it turned out.

“I’ve never been more thankful that we keep a deck of cards in there,” Chimney says. “However, we did discover that our baby-faced former Probie is an extremely good bluffer. Never playing poker with Ravi again.”

“We also learned that Cap has an endless supply of stories about calls involving ice fishermen,” Hen adds. “And I mean endless.”

“Okay, now I’m glad we were on the other side of the flood,” Eddie teases Bobby.

“They couldn’t have fit three more people in the ambulance, anyway,” Buck points out. “Can you imagine trying to deliver a baby in there?”

“No. The picnic table was definitely the better option.”

Bobby pats Buck’s arm. “And going up the far side of the ravine was a smart call. It was a relief to know that both of you were safe while we were waiting for help to arrive.”

“I think those of us on the outside of that ambulance may have had a rougher day than you did,” Athena tells her husband, with a nod to Maddie. “It seemed at first like you vanished without a trace. But I’m sure we are all glad it’s over.”

With Bobby now in Athena’s care while he waits for x-rays, everyone else heads out. Back through the glass doors, the smell of wet pavement reminds Buck of riding his bike through summer rainstorms in Hershey. He looks on wistfully as Jee-Yun points at puddles in the parking lot until Chim gives in and lets her stomp in one.

It never rains in California, but girl, don’t they warn ya…

“It pours, man it pours,” Buck says under his breath, watching Jee splash and laugh with delight. She’s probably never seen a storm like this, at least not in L.A.

“What did you say?” Eddie has come up behind Buck unnoticed.

“Nothing,” Buck answers with a sheepish smile. “Hey, I bet you’re ready to get home, finally.”

“Uh, yeah.”

Eddie follows Buck to the next row, where they’re both parked, but doesn’t veer off towards his truck. When they reach his Jeep, Buck turns to give him a questioning look. Eddie’s just standing there with the rain running down his face and shoulders.

“What’s the matter, Eddie?”

“Can we, uh, talk? About—” Eddie gestures vaguely between them.

“Now?”

“Yes. I mean, unless you have somewhere else to be. I think we’ve put it off long enough. And I’d rather not face an intervention at work.”

“I don’t… have anywhere to be.” Buck waits for Eddie to begin, until he realizes that Eddie probably didn’t mean now now, in a hospital parking lot in the pouring rain. He fishes his keys from his jacket pocket. “Do you want to sit in the car?”

Eddie shakes his head. “Can we go to my house? Chris is getting dropped off later, so I’ll need to be there.”

“Sure.”

On the drive, it occurs to Buck that he isn’t sure what Eddie wants to talk about, exactly. He thought everything was settled. He’d done something impulsive (and stupid), Eddie was upset (but not mad!) for a while, but he’s okay now and things can go back to the way they were before.

Can’t they?

Prolonging Buck’s torment, traffic crawls at a snail’s pace the entire way to Eddie’s house. He passes a fender bender where the drivers are exchanging insurance information in the downpour, and then a more serious collision being attended to by the 133 half a mile on. Buck hopes they’re having an easier shift than his team had yesterday. But, really, nothing in L.A. will be right until this damn storm passes.

The light is fading from the gray sky as Buck pulls into Eddie’s driveway. He listens to the pattering on the roof of his Jeep after turning the engine off and makes a plan. He’ll repeat the apologies he already made. He’ll promise never to do something like that again. He’ll—

The porch light switches on and Eddie leans out the front door to see what the hell Buck’s doing out here. Okay, time to do this, Buck tells himself. They’ve had more difficult talks, right? And Eddie isn’t likely to blow up at him this time.

There’s a pot of coffee already brewing in the kitchen as Buck throws his wet jacket over one of the kitchen chairs and lowers himself into it. While they wait for the coffee, Eddie unloads the dishwasher without a word, which confuses Buck until his eyes drift over to the sink. Right. The scene of the crime.

“Why don’t we sit out there?” Eddie says as he hands Buck a mug of black coffee, tilting his head towards the living room.

He doesn’t meet Buck’s eyes as he says it, and then he goes to the fridge for creamer like it’s an honest-to-god emergency. He’s nervous… which makes Buck nervous, because he’s the one who screwed up here. Coffee mug in hand, he escapes to the living room and switches on a lamp.

Eddie joins him on the couch a moment later. After setting his coffee on the table, he sighs heavily. Buck waits, trying to be patient while Eddie makes a few false starts between more sighs. Which makes Buck wonder—how has a blunder that lasted only a few seconds shaken Eddie so badly?

No wonder Eddie put off talking about this. If Buck knows him (and he does), Eddie’s probably been trying to outrun his own emotions, till he wore himself out. And Buck? Well, he’s been dodging a conversation that might put the final nail in a relationship. Like he always does.

And so here they are, at an impasse. Neither of them seems to know how to start and there’s nowhere left to run.

They’re stuck in the mud.

After what feels like ten minutes, Buck attempts to give them both an out.

“Are you sure you want to talk about this now? We’re both pretty exhausted.”

“Yes,” Eddie says firmly. He braces his hands on his thighs as if to steel himself. “I want to say this now before I lose my nerve.”

Buck’s stomach drops. “Oh, god.”

“Hey, no,” Eddie says, alarmed. “Buck, it’s okay, I’m not going anywhere—”

“It’s not okay! I’m really, really sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

Eddie gives him a helpless look. “You don’t? That wasn’t your usual kind of impulsiveness. And I know for a fact there was no tequila involved that night.”

Ducking his chin, Buck says, “I’m never going to live that thing with Lucy down, am I?”

“No, you’re not. Look. When we were at Maddie’s, I thought we could just—I don’t know—move forward. But I can’t. I need to know…” Eddie takes a deep breath. “I need to know if you were goofing around, or if you actually meant something by it.”

Buck freezes, unprepared for such a question and scared of revealing too much. “I don’t— I don’t want to mess things up between us, Eddie. I’ve been so worried these past couple of weeks. That I’d wrecked everything. Can’t we just pretend it never happened?”

“No, we can’t.”

“Why not?” Buck presses.

“Because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it!” Eddie bursts out.

“About whether I was just goofing around?”

Eddie twists away from Buck, like he can’t bear to face him anymore. “About kissing you.”

Oh.

Oh.

“Eddie,” Buck breathes.

Red-faced, Eddie gets up and goes to the window. He fiddles with the edge of one curtain with his back to the room, unaware that Buck is on the verge of tipping off the goddamn couch. Because, apparently, the whole time Buck was agonizing over the awkward silences, avoided eye contact, and rushed departures at the end of every shift, Eddie was thinking about kissing him.

Buck stares at Eddie’s back, dumbstruck. He’s almost afraid to move, afraid to hope.

Finally, Eddie clears his throat. He doesn’t fully turn away from the window as he says quietly, “So… I really need to know why you tried to kiss me out of nowhere like that.”

“Well, I—” Buck says, then stops.

How the hell is he going to explain it? His un-merry Christmas and watching Eddie stand at the sink and knowing? It’s going to sound crazy.

Or—

Maybe Buck doesn’t have to explain anything yet. He stands up and carefully moves towards Eddie.

“I wasn’t goofing around.”

Eddie tenses. “All right.”

“I genuinely wanted to kiss you.” Another step forward, and Buck lets his voice drop lower. “Very much.”

There, Buck thinks triumphantly when Eddie draws a short, quick breath. That’s what I want to see. He edges closer, until they’re only a couple feet apart. Behind Eddie, raindrops tick against the glass like a hundred sped-up clocks.

“So, now what?” Eddie whispers.

“Now… maybe we should do what you can’t stop thinking about. If you still want to.”

Eddie’s eyes widen, then flick down to Buck’s mouth. He nods once.

Not one to hesitate, Buck steps up to Eddie. He takes Eddie by the hips and gently pushes him against the window. Then Buck pauses to look—really look—at Eddie in a way that he’s never allowed himself.

Damn, he’s beautiful. Of course he is. Buck has known that since the day Eddie showed up at the 118. As it was then, his attention is caught by Eddie’s eyes first. Yes, they might be Buck’s favorite, so warm and expressive. His cheekbones next, and then down to the perfect, plush curve of his bottom lip, framed by stubble that Buck wants to run his thumbs over.

Eddie shivers beneath Buck’s gaze, and Buck tightens his hold on Eddie’s hips in response, pinning him firmly in place. He leans in slowly, eyes closed, and brushes his lips over Eddie’s. Oh, it’s tempting to draw this out, to hold back until they’re both desperate. Warm hands grip Buck’s biceps, slide up to his shoulders, trying to tug him forward, but he resists.

“Buck,” Eddie murmurs. “Come on.”

All thoughts of a slow seduction fly out of Buck’s head. When has he ever been able to say no to Eddie? He brings their mouths together and kisses Eddie with all the longing he’s kept bottled up for God knows how long. The thrill of it courses through Buck, not just because it’s needy and hot and everything a first kiss should be, but because it’s Eddie. His Eddie.

Buck’s not the only one who seems to think so. Eddie throws himself into the kiss, too, mouth eager and fingers digging into Buck’s shoulders—until Buck dares to slip his hands under the hem of Eddie’s T-shirt. Abruptly, Eddie breaks the kiss by tilting his head back against the window pane.

“Stop?” Buck asks breathlessly, drawing away slightly.

“No. Yes.” Eddie groans and tucks his forehead into the crook of Buck’s neck. “Chris will be back soon. This is not what he should see when they pull in the driveway and look through the front window.”

With a sly grin, Buck keeps one arm around Eddie’s waist and tilts sideways to turn off the lamp with the other. “There. How’s that?”

“Buck.” There’s that familiar sigh again. “We need to talk more, too.”

“I know,” Buck agrees. He runs his hands over Eddie’s sides once, then holds him at arm’s length to study his face. “You’re not, uh, freaking out, are you? Because I’m a guy?”

Eddie gives Buck an unimpressed look. “I don’t freak out… usually. Okay, if it were anyone else but you, I might. I’ve definitely needed time to wrap my head around it. As I told you.”

“Uh, huh. Eventually,” Buck says with a poke at Eddie’s ribs. “I really thought you were mad at me. Hey, we can take it slow, if you want to.”

“Yeah. We should. I— I don’t want you to think that I don’t trust you, Buck,” Eddie says solemnly. Shuffling forwards to whisper into Buck’s ear, he says, “Because I do. Completely. And I want this.”

In response, Buck plants a few joyful kisses along his jaw. “Me, too. So now what?”

“Hmm. Now we should drink our coffee. I don’t know about you, but I really need it if I’m going to make it through the evening. You should stay for a while.”

“I will,” Buck says as he leads the way to the couch. He gives the seat cushion a pat. “I should warn you, I may just fall asleep here later.”

Eddie passes Buck’s coffee to him and settles beside him, hip to hip. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“I’ll have you know this couch and I have a long history together.”

“Well I wouldn’t dream of breaking you two up. Try to stay awake till dinner, though.”

With a shy smile, Eddie sets a hand on Buck’s leg. The room is still unlit and quiet, with only the patter of raindrops to accompany the few soft words between them. Inevitably, Buck does fall asleep, head resting on Eddie’s shoulder and his half-drunk mug of coffee forgotten on the table.

And when Christopher comes home later and finds him there, stretched out and sound asleep, he almost thinks he sees a smile on Buck’s face.

He looks, Chris tells his dad, like he’s dreaming of sunshine.