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Chapter Text

Splinter couldn't remember the first time he thought about fostering.

It was sort of... always there. Maybe it had to do with his rocky childhood, wanting to give a child the comforting and safe home he never got with his grandfather, or the dream of having kids of his own, though he could never find a partner that lasted long enough for the dream to be a reality. Whatever his reason was, it all led up to him adopting Raphael.

It was simple enough, he made quite a bit of money from his commercials, at least enough for it to be considered a solid income and to get a mortgage on a quaint house with a few rooms. His record was clean (if you didn't include what happened in Dallas, but they didn't need to know about that) and they weren't that maybe people adopting "older kids", which he couldn't understand.

Raph was only 4 when Splinter met him. And he fueled his passion for life in so many ways.

Watching him grow up was a feeling he wouldn't trade for anything else in the world. He felt pride as he watched Raph help an animal stuck in a plastic bag. The feeling of care he felt when his red angel would come into his room, having yet another nightmare of being alone, little tears in his eyes. Yoshi didn't mind a few restless nights if it meant his son was safe.

And that feeling only grew when Mikey came into their lives.

Michael's mama was one of his coworkers so they saw each other all the time, and they instantly clicked. It wasn't long before he introduced Raphael to his girlfriend and the little kid loved her. Constantly trying to get her attention, asking when she would be over next, the actor genuinely thought that she could be the one.

Then she got pregnant. Yoshi was ecstatic and his fiance was... fine with this development.

Things didn't get better after Mikey was born. This small innocent child, so clingy, needy, and vulnerable, heart filling with love when the baby would hold onto his finger with his entire tiny hand. Michael Hamato looked so much like his father as a child, except with even rounder features and a smile that could blind the sun. And Raph loved him too, loving to play with the baby, maybe a bit too much as he let the toddler walk all over him. His mama on the other hand, well, had way more important things to deal with that had nothing to do with "germ carriers" and "time wasters."

It all came to a breaking point one day and they hadn't seen her since.

He heard she started a business, still living it solo, happier than ever. That was fine, Yoshi was living it solo as well and doing so much better! Well, he was still a single dad of two boys but he supposed that was as solo as it got.

It was just the three of them for a few years, becoming a well-knitted family with their routine, movie nights, bedtimes that neither wanted and more hugs than he'd ever given before. But still, something was missing. Yoshi thought it could have been a mother for his boys but... he wasn't ready for something like that again. Besides, Raph and Mickey still seemed upset over the whole situation. Then, one day, he walked past the spare bedroom he had in his house and he couldn't sweep away this feeling of emptiness.

It had laid empty ever since the youngest boy figured out that he did not want to be in a room by himself and well, Raph didn't mind having someone with him at night, especially with his deep fear of being alone. Splinter had considered just turning it into an office or storage room but that didn't feel right... He knew that he could easily fit two beds in here, maybe even desks, and he could put up some shelves for a kid to put their toys or plush animals on...

Looking over to his two boys, who sat in the living room, watching action movies in the weirdest positions Mikey somehow enjoyed watching the movie upside down. The couch somehow still felt empty, even with the two sprawled out across it. Even though his head would kill at the end of the day, Yoshi enjoyed the noise that came with kids, it was nice having a home full of energy instead of just a silent, cold house. As he smiled at his children, he had made up his mind.

"Hey boys, how would you feel about another kid joining the home?"

-

Leonardo Tortuga was a 7-year-old boy who had been jumping from foster to foster home for the past few years.

The moment he walked through the door he made it painfully obvious that he knew this whole situation of a new house and a new family to try and impress way too well. His introduction seemed rehearsed to highlight his best traits like he was in an interview, a smile plastered on his face that was too fake. His clothes were in black bin bags and all seemed to be for people a few years younger than he was, digging into his vitiligo skin and leaving marks. Some even had different boy's names written on the tags, much to Splinter's horror.

He remembered things the boy said as the family went out to buy him a new wardrobe and school supplies.

"I can just take your kid's old clothes, it's really not that big of a deal."

"I uh- I don't like this coat, I swear- It's way too much money anyway."

And the worst of all, "You don't have to do this, honest. I'll be out of your hair in a week-ish."

As soon as Splinter got home, he immediately applied to fill the other bed in his new foster kid's room. He didn't care about the money or the amount of training he would need to do, it disgusted him to hear that other people had made this poor kid believe he wasn't worth caring for. He wanted to make sure that every child in his home was treated like they deserved. With love.

Mikey certainly wasn't complaining, which made his choice easier. The youngest kid loved having another person to draw, to play with, another character in his roleplaying stories. And though he would never admit it, Yoshi believed that the small boy enjoyed having another brother to annoy.

Raphael on the other hand... had his concerns.

"Why is Leo living with us again?" The oldest sibling asked one night. The other two had gone to bed as a younger age meant an earlier bedtime, much to their displeasure.

It was just the two sitting down on the couch, the lights out, and a karate movie playing quietly on the television. They had gotten out the nice fluffy throwover from storage and used it to get warm, enjoying the quiet moment. The actor treasured these moments, especially with the chaotic days he's been having lately. Plus, he knew better than to ignore his other sons just because someone new had arrived, his oldest needed his dad sometimes too. And apparently, that time was now.

"Well, remember what I told you before Leo moved in? Some kids don't have the best place to stay and-"

"I know, I know, but I-" Raph turned away from him, closing himself off by wrapping himself tightly with the blanket, "I... he just- he doesn't- he's not nice to you!"

Oh. This was about this morning...

They had only lived with Leonardo for a few weeks when the problems started popping up. Splinter knew this would happen, the poor soul had been through a lot, and maybe things wouldn't have been so bad if he talked to anybody about it but... to say that Leonardo disliked talking to his social worker would be the world's biggest understatement. He never told anybody the reason, though Yoshi guessed it didn't matter because all he had to know was that Leo was always upset afterwards.

His foster dad tried his best but a meltdown was inevitable.

Anger at being talked down to, frustration at things not going right, annoyance with his brothers that didn't have to talk to some women a few times a week, well, it added up. He would lash out, mainly at Splinter, and then barricade himself in his room for the majority of the day. And this happened every single time his social worker showed up.

He never blamed Leo for being upset, but he supposed he didn't think about how it would look to his young children who hadn't experienced anything like this.

"Oh, Raph..." Yoshi opened up his arms and waited patiently for his son to crawl into them, nuzzling his way in until he found his perfect spot, "You know how when you get overwhelmed, you can get a bit snappy?"

The oldest child nodded.

"Well, Leo is in a completely new house with people he doesn't know very well, do you think he could be overwhelmed right now?" He chose his words wisely.

Raphael hummed as he put his index finger and thumb on his chin, "Yeah, I guess so... and when we get another kid in the house, will they be just as angry?"

"Maybe and that's okay," Splinter tried his best to explain, "Whoever we get could have gone through a lot and how they react to it, that's how they deal with their emotions. Though if Leo or the next foster kid is ever mean or upsets you or Mikey, let me know and I'll deal with it."

"Okay..." His child's small voice rang out as his brown eyes looked down to the ground, "Can- um- Can I help somehow?"

The actor couldn't help the smile growing on his face, "That's very sweet Raphael but you are already doing a great job. All I need from you is to continue being kind to them and give them space if they need it, can you do that for me?"

A determined grin shone on the oldest brother's face, "Yeah! I can do that!"

"Thank you, my son," the father spoke with pride as he ruffed the boy's head.

-

Leo had only been with them for a few months when he got the call.

It was 11 pm on a Saturday, the two oldest boys were still up as it wasn't a school night and both struggled to go to sleep at a reasonable time. Splinter didn't mind, he just had the rule that they had to be quiet to not wake up Mikey and that they couldn't make an unnecessary mess, especially seeing as the only time the adult got to clean up with three boys was late in the night.

Raph did the math homework he got given over the summer holidays as his father could help him without having to deal with a 5-year-old that clung to him like glue, and Leon had found his own routine of using up the rest of his screen time to play video games because math was 'boring'.

Yoshi was halfway through explaining a problem to his eldest when his phone rang. As soon as he checked the caller he immediately stopped everything he was doing and walked into a separate room.

"Hello?"

"Is this Mr Hamato?"

"Yes, yes, I- This is him, speaking, right now," He fumbled through his words, wondering if this was it if this was what he had been waiting for.

"Hi, this is the foster agency. I'm calling about an emergency placement of a 7-year-old boy and I'm wondering if you're available or if you have the space-"

"Yes! Of course!" He spoke instantly, before quickly correcting himself, "Do you have any more information on this boy? Any behavioural problems? Things I need to know?"

"Unfortunately, as this is an emergency placement, I don't know much. I can tell you that his name is Donatello, his mother is in the hospital and unable to take care of him at the moment so he needs a place to stay while we try and get a long-term plan for him. He seems very shy and doesn't talk much, but besides that, no problems."

"Right, right," Fidigetting with a loose thread on his shirt, he thinks of the time, how late it was, "I can take him in. What time would you be coming round?"

"We still have some paperwork to get through at the station but then we'll head over, so about an hour or two, is that alright?"

Already feeling the future exhaustion keeping up on him, Yoshi uttered, "Of course, I'll see you then."

As the sound of the call ending rang through his ears, the man only allowed himself a few deep breaths before springing into action. Returning to the kitchen he saw his two boys sitting at the dining table, chatting to themselves and instantly going silent as soon as they heard Splinter come back, their attention snapping onto him.

"Okay, so, in the next hour or two, a boy will be coming over to the house-"

"Told you so," Leo blurted out with a smirk, Raph just rolled his eyes at him.

"His name is Donatello, he will be staying with us for the next few days. You guys don't have to stay up to meet him but you can if you want. Leo, I will need to take all the stuff I know you have off the other bed in your bedroom and Raph, would you mind helping me clean the main rooms for him?"

Both boys nodded and they got to work. Splinter washed the dishes while his eldest dried up and put them away and Leo managed to fill up an entire bin bag as he cleaned up his room. When the living room and kitchen looked acceptable, the actor went to go check on his other foster child after talking to Raph, "You can go to bed now if you want, it is way too late for you to stay up."

The 11-year-old shook his head as a determined glint shone in his eyes, "No, I can stay up! I want to make sure he feels welcome!"

With a pride smile, his father remarked, "That's very kind of you Raphie, you can wait at the table then if you want."

The boy did what he was told with a smile on his face. Entering Leo's bedroom was always something Splinter hated, mainly because it was impossible to Actually enter it with how messy it always was, but as he watched at his foster kid, Leon seemed to try his best to clean it, or at least half of it.

"How is it going baby blue?" The actor asked gently, trying not to comment on the massive pile of clothes that were in the corner.

"Uh, not great," Leo mumbled, not looking at his foster dad, "What... What if he doesn't like me?"

Splinter had meant the room but he wasn't going to pass on this opportunity to connect, "I don't see why he wouldn't, just- make sure to give him space, okay?"

As he talked, he helped to clean the room, making sure to get the clean sheets for the bed and that none of Leon's stuff went past the halfway line. The scrawny kid stopped organizing his comics and helped make the bed, liking to feel important, "I know that... How old is he anyway?"

"7, so the same age as you."

He dropped the pillow he was holding and grinned, "Really?!"

Splinter chuckled, "Yes but remember he won't be staying for-"

"I-I knew kids like that so I know it won't last long but I'm just excited to have a kid my age in the house!"

With a smile, he ruffled the kid's hair, "I know but let's try and stay calm for now, okay? Now, come on, let's go join Raph."

As they walked into the main room, they spotted a tired Mikey resting his head on the dining room table as his older brother rubbed his back. Instantly, Splinter sat down with them, "Michael, what are you doing up? It is way past your bedtime!"

Raph spoke for him, "He heard everyone talking and wanted to stay up too."

"I want to meet Don too!"

Knowing that resisting would be a fruitless endeavour, the man just sighed, attention now fully on the door. He could feel his knee bounce under the table, his heart racing, his other foster son's words now bleeding into his head. What if He wasn't good enough? He hadn't dealt with an emergency foster child before, no amount of research, training, and questions could prepare him for the real thing.

Guess it was a bit too late to be second-guessing himself...

And it wasn't like it wasn't the first time he felt imposter syndrome like this. He felt the same before adopting Raph before Mikey was born, and before Leo arrived at their house. Splinter constantly worried that he wouldn't be good enough for them, especially seeing as he had no fatherly role model to compare to unless he counted his grandfather which... he didn't want to be like.

But as he looked over to his sons, all trying to keep their youngest brother awake with videos on the family tablet and they wondered to themselves what Donnie could be like, he thinks he did a good job.

Suddenly, a light knock rang out throughout the house.

Standing up straight and adjusting his pyjamas, which he... totally should have gotten changed out of... Yoshi made his way to the door, taking a deep breath, in and out, before opening it.

Chapter Text

Donnie can't remember exactly what happened.

And that was something he was ashamed to admit. He knew he should remember but for some reason, the entire day felt like a dream. Foggy, mismatched, and large portions of it are completely blank. He could take the scientific path and explain to himself that during traumatic experiences, the brain goes into a flight or fight and does what it can to survive. But he still somehow found some guilt in himself for not remembering, like he had planned to block it out and it was his fault, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 was his fault-

It was just any other day.

He woke up at exactly 7:00 am like he always did. He got dressed, wearing the same purple hoodie he wore every day to hide the marks on his dark skin and made his way out of his room. It was a routine he'd had for a while, he liked his routine.

But then things started to get blurry.

Donnie remembers sitting in his room when a group of adults started pouring into the house. That the sirens were too loud. That the police didn't want him to look into the kitchen, covering his eyes forcefully. The woman who took him away and made him pack his things kept looking over at him like he was a hair away from breaking down, but he never did. He wanted to, but he just felt... numb.

Donatello was in a strange place with strange people. They asked strange questions and tried to hide their annoyance when he couldn't get any noise out of his mouth. He just stayed silent, like his voice box had been removed.

Things kept on being said to him but nothing went through, a buzzing in his head replacing any explanation being told. Nothing made sense, where was his mom? He just wanted his mom. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even realize he was in a different place until the woman, whom he assumed was a social worker, told him to get out of the car he was in.

When Donnie got out, holding his old ratty duffel bag close to his chest, he was overlooked by a massive house, or at least it looked massive to the little boy who had only ever lived in apartments. There were skateboards, children's bikes, and action figures of astronauts and kung-fu fighters littered the grass. They walked up the cobblestone path and the lady knocked gently on the door.

When the door opened, a strange-looking man appeared. He was tall and thin, with lots of bouncy hair, and wearing pyjamas like he was about to go to sleep. Was it that late? Donatello averted his gaze to the moon that looked down over him, making him suddenly feel very tired.

Suddenly, the adult got down on his level and motioned for him to take off his headphones. Right, they probably wanted to talk to him...

Donnie hated the feeling of the cold night air brushing against his ears as he took off his headphones for the first time in hours but it seemed to make the man happy. With a tired grin, he uttered, "Hey buddy. I'm Splinter, it's nice to meet you."

"Your name is Splinter? Why?" The child blurted out accidentally. Usually, somebody would yell at him for being rude by now but the man, now known as Splinter, just laughed.

"It's just a nickname but most people call me that, so I don't mind you calling me that too," He explained with a smile, "Do you want to come inside? I can get you something to eat and you can meet my kids, how does that sound?"

Looking up at the social worker beside him, she seemed happy enough with his suggestion so the child nodded, even if his gut was telling him to run. Stepping inside the residence, Donatello instantly noticed how warm it was. The lighting was warm, the air was warm. Everything looked warm from the large amounts of blankets everywhere to the colour of the walls.

The second thing he noticed was three boys of different ages and races looking at him with excited grins. Donnie tried to back away from their stare but the tall lady had blocked him in and he ended up just bumping into her legs, freaking him out more. Splinter noticed though.

"Hey, it's okay, they're nice," The young man spoke, placing a hand on his shoulder that the boy instantly shrunk away from like a soldering iron.

Darting in front of the adults, he made his way to the dining table where the other kids were. He could do this, he could do whatever the grownups told him to do if it meant he could go home faster. Donnie took a closer look at the boys. In the middle, there was the largest of them all, very broad and tall, but he seemed to be the gentlest, letting the smallest boy rest his head on his shoulder and the other, who was standing, rest his arms on top of his head.

Splinter arrived at the table soon after, "Boys, this is Donatello. Donatello, these are my sons..."

He trailed off, letting the boys introduce themselves. The oldest went first, "I- uh- I'm Raph and this is Mikey."

The boy with dreadlocks gestured down to a half-asleep young child, clearly the youngest, even with a massive headful of hair covering nearly half his freckled face. The middle child was a skinny boy with vitiligo, mainly around his eyes and hands, and had this smug look on his face as he uttered so casually, "Name's Leo, I'm the other foster kid and roomie!"

"Roomie?" Donnie repeated, confusion coated in his words.

Splinter smiled as he nodded his head towards a room, "You and Leo will be sharing a room for the next few days."

"Why?" Where was his mom? Why would she let him stay here with these strangers?

The two adults in the room shared a glance towards each other before the social worker spoke up, "Remember what the police and I were saying? You have to stay here for a few days."

"Why? Where's my mom? I want my mom!" He didn't mean to yell, he didn't know why he was getting so angry. He just couldn't help it.

The children's father averted his eyes from the distressed boy to say to his own, "Raph, go put Mikey to bed, okay?"

With a little nod, he picked up the sleeping kid and walked off into the hallway. Leo stayed, however, looking at him with this unreadable expression. Donnie didn't like it when people looked at him, it felt like fire ants were under his skin. As his mind grew full of suffocating thoughts, Splinter kneeled to get to his eye level.

"I understand that you might be stressed out or confused but I can answer any questions you have, okay?" His voice was quiet and calming by design.

"I- What-" The words get stuck in his throat, he didn't know what to ask, "I want to go home..."

Despite it not being a question, Splints still answered, "I know... But your- your mom is ill at the moment so you have to stay here so somebody can take care of you while she gets better."

"But she's been sick before! Why can't I take care of her?"

"Well, she's..." The adult looked over to the social worker, almost like he was looking for approval, "Very, very sick so adults need to take care of her at a hospital so she can get better."

Donnie looked down at the ground, "The hospital...? But she was fine- I saw her, she was okay, I-I thought she was fine, I swear-"

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Splinter went to go put a hand on the child's shoulder but he flinched so harshly that he quickly retracted it, "This isn't your fault..."

But the boy didn't want to listen. He brought his legs up and hugged them close to his chest, using his shaky hands to grip tightly on his jeans. There was movement but he didn't want to look at them anymore, then-

"Donnie? Your social worker and I are going to have a chat, when you're ready Leo will give you a tour of the house, okay?" The strange man's voice rang out, he was too loud-

Donatello didn't even respond as he heard them walk into another room. Slowly but surely, when he was sure that no adults were around, the distressed kid unfurled himself from the ball he had made himself into to see that the middle child was still there. Leo was sitting in the chair next to him but he had moved it away so they were no chance of contact.

The sound of the game he was playing on his tablet helped keep him grounded. The blue-eyed boy noticed and with a grin said, "Splinter hasn't noticed that I still have my tablet. Do you want to play this game with me?"

Donnie slowly nodded, not feeling up to talking any more than he had to. Budging up his chair, they took turns playing this karate game with rounds of enemies to fight, switching whenever one of them died. Leo didn't mind him being silent, he seemed to have enough words in his lungs for the both of them. Sometimes it even felt like he would die on purpose to give the other more playtime after dying unfairly, or maybe just to talk more.

"Damn, this is almost dead," Leon muttered when it was his turn, "Hey, why don't I show you the house so I can get the charger from Splint's room."

Wordlessly, Donatello got up with his duffel bag as the talkative boy started to babble on, pointing to various doors, "So this is the living room, we were just in the dining room, past there is the kitchen anddd... upstairs is where the rooms are!"

The house was more spacious than expected, there were three bedrooms, one for Splinter, Raph and Mikey, and the two 7-year-olds, though Donnie wasn't sure how he felt about this situation. He's never shared a room with someone before or even had kids in his house before. Trying to get his mind off that he followed Leo into his foster dad's room and helped rummage for the tablet charger.

"I only get a few hours on this thing a day but I think 'cause you're here I can sneak it into my room," The mischievous boy said with a smirk, elbowing the other gently, before, "Aha, found it!"

Leo then scampered back to his room and Donatello followed behind him like a duckling, feeling so lost and needing something to ground himself on. The immediate thing he noticed when entering the bedroom for the first time was that they felt like an invisible line in the middle, cutting it in half. Both halves were identical, both had a desk with a chair, shelves on the walls, and a single bed with a closet in the middle but one side was completely barren and the other looked like a hoarder's dream.

The boy wearing mostly blue flopped onto his bed that was covered in clothes and various comics, his shelves were filled with action figures and what looked like basketball trophies, though they only seemed to be bronze and silver trophies. Leo flailed his arms around as he announced, "This is my side of the room! Pretty great, huh?"

Donnie just squinted his eyes and turned to his temporary bed, throwing his bag onto it so he could get clothes to sleep in, wanting this dreadful night to be over. As he gathered his pyjamas, his roommate was waiting for his tablet to charge with the highest focus, not even looking up to say, "Bathroom is down the hall to the left if you want to get changed."

Making his way to the bathroom, the boy finally got a chance to look around. It was the little things he noticed, like a pair of Mikey's little shoes on the floor, the faded remnants of doodles on the wall, and the pictures that hung there. There were a lot of picture frames, mainly of baby Mikey, Raph, and an even younger Splinter, usually hugging at some birthday party or even amusement park. They all looked happy...

Swallowing down the jealous bile in his throat, Donatello locked himself in the bathroom and quickly got changed, trying to keep any grain of routine despite all this madness. Get changed first, wash his face, then brush his teeth, exactly in that order. But then as he finished, he looked at the toothbrush holder with red, orange, blue, and green toothbrushes slotted in like a proper family and he felt uneasy about placing his own with them as if he belonged in this house, which he didn't.

When Donnie returned to the room, clothes in one hand and his toothbrush in the other, Leo had booted up the tablet and was playing games on his stomach, feet in the air, swaying back and forth. At the sound of the door, the chatty boy instantly sat up, "Oh hey! You're back. Come on, help me with this level."

All of a sudden, the bedroom door opened and the foster children instantly hid the tablet under a suspicious pillow. Splinter looked between the two but said nothing about it, "Ah, Donatello, I am so sorry for taking so long, there was a bit of paperwork but you don't need to worry about that. How are you holding up?"

The boy just shrugged.

"Ah, right well... Has Leo shown you around?"

He kept his eyes on the floor, only slightly nodding.

"Good, good... I'll leave you two to sleep, if you need me for anything at any time, you know where I am and if you want something to eat or drink the kitchen is always open," Splinter uttered with sincerity, even if no amount of niceties could hide the awkwardness and worry in his voice.

As soon as the adult left, Donnie could feel himself let out an involuntary sigh of relief, which of course, nosy Leo noticed, "You know, he's an alright guy, you don't have to be scared."

"Right..." The other muttered with a wisp of disbelief before a thought popped into his head, "So uh, you're a foster kid, right? How long have you been here?"

"Uhh... a while I guess?"

"So, what should I know?"

"Huh?"

"Like, how do I know if he's in a bad mood? Any unspoken rules?" Donatello asked as he took the stuff off his temporary bed, "Things I'm not allowed to touch or rooms I can't go in?"

Leo blinked once, then twice, before stating, "Uhhh I don't know anything about unspoken rules, he just has the basic ones like don't break things, go outside without him, or do things that can hurt you or others, but he doesn't get that mad about it so I wouldn't worry."

"...That's it?" That couldn't be right...

"Yep. There isn't anywhere we can't go in, Mikey and Raph don't mind if you touch their stuff as long as you ask, and uhhh... oh yeah!" As his roommate thought, he suddenly snapped his fingers and started rummaging through the pile of his stuff, "We have a movie night every week!"

"A... movie night?" Donnie trailed off the words like he was mishearing.

"Yeah! Every Saturday after dinner we sit in the living room and take turns picking a movie to watch! You uh- You don't have to join us if you don't want to but Splinter likes it when we do, plus he lets us have soda!" As he explained, he got out a DVD and passed it to the other, it was some action film, "It's my choice this week so you can look forward to that."

"...right," Passing the movie back to Leo with little interest, he sat down on the bed that creaked, "My mom is picking me up soon so... don't think I'll be going to movie night."

Trying not to show his hurt, Leon turned around, "Right, right, of course... you probably want to go to bed now, right? It's pretty late."

Just humming out approval, Donatello took off his glasses and got into the bed, instantly turning around to face the plain wall with a grim expression. He wasn't trying to be mean, he didn't even know if he was being mean but a part of him didn't care, it wasn't like he'd see this kid again once his mom picked him up, hopefully soon.

With a click, Leo turned off the light and mumbled, "Good night Dee."

He squeezed his eyes tight, trying to hide away from the darkness, trying desperately to fall asleep. Wishing and hoping that when he woke up he would be in his own bed, in his own room, his own house, and all this was just a bad dream.

-

Leo couldn't sleep- Well, that was completely normal, it was rare for him to be able to sleep. Though maybe it didn't help that despite it being the early hours of the morning, he was still on his tablet, watching videos as the blue light burned at his blue eyes.

Sneaking a glance over to his new roommate nearly made him jump out of his skin as he was met with Donnie's dark eyes looking back at him, "Fu- Fricken hell! You can't- How long have you been awake?"

"Never fell asleep..." A small croaky voice replied, barely over a whisper.

"Oh, right," Leo mumbled out, trying desperately to find the right words to use, "I get it, the first night is always the worst..."

Apparently, that wasn't the right thing to say as the boy scrunched up his nose and spat out, "You do not 'get it'."

"I uh..." He stumbled out a few words before shrugging, "I guess I don't. I know my first night sucked though..."

Donatello's stern expression slightly lifted. With a grumble, he sat up, blanket wrapped around himself like a poncho, "...yeah?"

"Yep, in every house I've been to I can't sleep for the first week!" Putting down his tablet, he put his full attention on the new foster kid, "I just get so scared and confused, it's weird being in a completely new place."

The tired boy's eyes grew soft, like a silent moment of understanding, "I guess... how did- how did you get over it? The uh- being scared and... confused."

"Well, sometimes I talk about it but normally I try and keep my mind off it until those feelings go away," Leo explained as he turned on his tablet and showed Donnie the video he was watching, "Do you want to join me?"

After what looked like a mental battle in the poor boy’s mind, he slowly and hesitantly got up from his creaky bed and made his way to his neighbour's, still wrapped up in his duvet. He sat down next to Leonardo and put a pillow on the wall so he could comfortably watch somebody build something in a block game. It was nice to have silent company. Maybe having a roommate wouldn't be that bad…

Chapter Text

Yoshi woke up to a clatter downstairs.

The father couldn't remember the last time he had woken up to silence, something he had long forgotten even existed.

With a heavy sigh and a crack in his back, Splinter got up, barely even recognizing the time, mainly to save himself the agony of knowing. He knew for sure though that if he didn't investigate the sound, it would turn into screaming, crying, or a fire. Putting on some slippers and his usual dressing gown that was past worn, he crept down the stairs, making sure not to trip on the many hazards his boys had left behind.

The house was in darkness as the children slept. He could hear Raph snoring in his room and the faint noise of Leo's tablet still auto-playing videos as the small boy talked in his sleep.

But then, as he reached the bottom of the stairs, Yoshi spotted a single light on in the kitchen.

Treading carefully, he popped his head around the corner and stared at Donatello sitting on the counter, mug in hand. Swaying his feet as he sleepily took a sip. He had his headphones on but still seemed so alert, so on edge that the moment Splinter took a step into the room his head snapped in the man's direction.

For a second, there was silence. Then the foster father spoke up, "Donnie? What are you doing up at this time?"

"I... I normally get up at this time," He responded blankly.

"But you only went to bed a few hours ago, aren't you tired?"

Don just shrugged, avoiding eye contact and instead staring at the tiled floor, "I always get up at 7 am, I just... have to."

Well, that was... new. Splinter didn't know how to react to that, nor what to do, but he was always good at thinking on his feet, "Ah, I see, mind if I join you?"

The boy just shrugged again, "I guess..."

Taking a further step into the kitchen, he supposed that this was it for him now, waking up at 7 am and surviving on only a few hours of sleep a night. If that was the case then he needed- Just as he reached for the coffee machine, he saw that it was already full of fresh coffee. Hm... Yoshi's eyes travelled over to the boy's mug which was filled with a steaming dark liquid. He held it in both hands, still being unable to hold it with just one as no matter what he drank he was still a child.

"Uh... what are you drinking?" He asked cautiously but he already knew the answer.

"Coffee," Donatello announced casually, like it was a normal occurrence, "I'm sorry for using your machine. And your beans, and your mug... I figured out how to use it but I didn't mean to make so much noise-"

"Hey, hey, it's alright, I didn't even hear it, I... usually wake up at this time," The tired man lied with a smile as he got himself out of his favourite 'No.1 Dad' mug that was chipped and loved. Splinter supposed there wasn't much he could say to convince the kid he shouldn't be drinking caffeine at 7 years old, and he didn't want to start making rules and telling him that he was wrong when Donnie seemed so vulnerable.

Filling his mug, he leaned against the counter and drank it quietly. This was quite nice, he understood why the short boy liked this. An orange summer glow came through the half-lidded blinds as the father of loud boys enjoyed the still silence. Taking another sip, he mumbled, "Thanks for the coffee."

Donnie just hummed as he took a sip of his own, almost mirroring the older man's actions. They didn't need to say anything else, enjoying their drinks with no words. Yoshi was okay with that, if anything, he preferred it, he couldn't remember the last time he got the chance to meditate or be with his thoughts.

As he collected the two empty mugs and put them into the sink, a small voice interrupted the stillness, "Mr Splinter...?"

With a soft smile, Yoshi turned to face Donatello, "Yes?"

"Have- Do you-... Is my mom okay?"

The man's heart sank in his chest. He always hated these conversations, no answer he gave would ever be good enough... "Ah, I- uh I haven't gotten any updates yet but the moment I do I'll let you know, okay?"

Donnie continued to look at the floor but now with furrowed brows. Just hummed out a noise, though what that meant was completely lost to the tired foster dad. That was okay, just one minute at a time...

"Do you... want something to eat?" He tried carefully, "I can make pancakes or we have cereal if you're not that hungry."

The small child shook his head violently, looking nauseous at just the thought of eating.

"Okay, that's fine, I'm not usually hungry in the morning either..." Yoshi tried to think, he wanted to try and distract this kid as much as possible, "What do you usually do in the morning?"

"Um... read," Donatello's voice was so small and quiet, it could barely be heard.

"Reading huh? That's interesting, what do you like to read the most?" As expected, the boy just shrugged, "Well, I have a bookcase in the living room, you're free to read any of the books there and if you want we get you some books from the library, how does that sound?"

The foster kid's eyes lit up ever so slightly, "Really?"

"Of course," And with that, the boy jumped off the counter and dashed into the living room.

With a sigh, Yoshi poured himself another cup of coffee, knowing that he would need it for today... Following Donnie into the living room, he spotted him looking at the high bookcase. It mainly had books for younger kids, used by younger Raph and baby Michelango but there were also a few more grown-up books at the top, ones that Yoshi had thought about reading at some point but never got around to it.

Donatello went to go stand on top of the arm of the sofa, trying to read one of those at the top. His father senses tingling, he swooped in and stopped him, making sure to not touch him, especially after what happened yesterday, "Hey, how about you point at the book you want, and I get it for you, okay? No climbing on things."

The curly-haired boy just pointed to one right at the top with a red spine and gold writing, "Are you sure? This is a pretty long book, you don't want something else to start with?"

Donnie shook his head, now pointing even more enthusiastically until Yoshi just had to grab it, "Okay but you can change the book whenever just let me know and I'll get it."

Nodding once, the boy adjusted his glasses, held the heavy book with both hands and ran to the bean bag that was in the room, so he could instantly start reading. Donnie wasn't like any of his other kids, maybe that was something he just had to get used to...

All of a sudden, his phone started ringing in his pocket. Pulling it out revealed the social worker's number.

"I'll uh- I'll be right back," Yoshi muttered as he sped walked into the kitchen before picking up, "Hello?"

"Hi, Mr Hamato, we met last night with the emergency placement?"

"Yes, yes, I remember," He almost wanted to roll his eyes but instead he closed the door so his new foster kid couldn't hear.

"I'm just calling for a check-up and to bring you some updates on the situation."

"Ah," Updates? Already? "Well, Donnie seems to be doing okay, he managed to sleep for a few hours and is getting along with my other foster kid but obviously he's worried about his mom and doesn't understand everything going on."

"Of course, that's to be expected," The woman uttered flatly, "Well, speaking of, I have gotten in touch with the hospital and she is stable but it'll be a while until we can get Donatello back in her custody due to the circumstances...

Right, the 'circumstances'. Splinter could remember vividly what the social worker had told him in private after Donnie had just arrived... That poor kid...

"The plan at the moment is to see if there are any family members that can take care of him but unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any that we can get a hold of."

"Right..." Yoshi took another sip of his drink, barely lukewarm at this point.

"So, I will be coming over later on today, maybe around 1 pm, to talk to Don and see if there is anybody he knows that can take him in, is that alright with you?"

"Uh, yeah- I mean yes, of course." He couldn't seem to add any more energy to his voice as fatigue weighed heavy on his back.

Even as the call ended, Splinter couldn't help but be completely drained despite the day barely starting. Finishing off his cold coffee, he walked back to the living room, Donatello seemed to have not moved a single inch, still nose-deep in the book. Sitting down on the couch, he uttered, "I'm going to be watching stuff on the TV if that's okay with you."

The small boy didn't even look up, "Okay."

Yoshi rested his head on the back of the sofa as he put on some random channel that played any random movie they could. He was still holding his phone in his hand, thoughts racing in his head. Slowly, but surely, Splinter looked over to the boy and uttered.

"So, the social worker called," That got his attention, "Your mom is doing better but still needs a bit more help until she can pick you up... The woman from last night is coming over after lunch to talk to you again, just so you know what's going on."

Donatello's shoulders seemed to slump as his frown deepened terribly, "Oh... okay."

"How... do you feel about that?" Splinter tried cautiously.

Instead of answering, the kid shrugged as he kept his eyes on the book, though they didn't dance around the page as they should've. He wasn't actually reading, he just didn't want to talk.

With a tired sigh, Yoshi put all of his weight onto the couch, he wondered when he would get a proper night's sleep again...

-

Splinter woke up to Michalenago's grinning face right in front of his eyes.

Snapping awake, he sat up on the couch fast enough to hear his back crack painfully. Groaning as he rubbed his tired eyes, he saw that all his boys were awake. Leo was sitting on the couch with him, watching the TV with a bored expression while Mikey was trying to get closer to his dad and Raph was trying desperately to hold him back.

"Sorry pops," His eldest son nervously laughed as he let his younger brother go, who instantly jumped into his father's arms.

"It is okay Raphael," Yoshi said with a croaky voice as he wrapped his arms around Mikey, who giggled loudly, "How long have I been asleep?"

Before anybody could respond, Donatello, who was still sitting in the beanbag, unmoved, blurted out, "Two hours and twenty minutes."

"T-Two hours and-!" Splinter began yelling but quickly stopped when the most fragile boy visibly flinched, "Why did you all let me sleep for that long?"

"Donnie told us to," Leo muttered, eyes not leaving the television screen.

"What- huh?"

The kid with glasses seemed to try and hide himself in the book like he was embarrassed, or worse, scared, "Sorry, you uh... seemed tired and I know you're not meant to wake up adults."

Thinking for a second, Yoshi tried to find the right words to use, "Well, in this house, it's okay to wake me up, especially if everybody else is awake. I bet you're all hungry, right?"

He was met with three nodding heads.

"Come on, let's get some breakfast. We can make pancakes!"

The three boys cheered and immediately started making their way to the kitchen, chanting the word pancakes over and over again. However, one boy stayed behind, barely even recognising that anything was happening at all. Splinter crouched down to Donatello's level, "Hey bud, don't you want to help make some pancakes with us?"

Slowly, he shook his head, hiding any eye contact he would have to make with the book, placing it over his face.

"Do you... not like pancakes?" That would be a first. A child not liking pancakes...

"I'm not hungry."

Yoshi looked over to the clock, "Don, you have to eat something, you haven't had anything since yesterday."

Pushing the book further into his face, Donnie wouldn't even be able to read it as it pressed against his glasses, "I'm 𝘯𝘰𝘵 hungry."

"...If you eat just a little bit, I'll get off your case about it and I'll let you get back to reading, okay?"

The skinny kid lowered the book enough that he could glare at the man in front of him. It would be honestly terrifying if he wasn't a three-foot-tall kid.

Grumbling to himself, Donatello got up and made his way to the kitchen to watch the other boys get out all the equipment for pancake making. It was something Splinter enjoyed making for them, especially during the holidays. Plus it gave them something to do together as his boys all liked to help cook.

Raph was getting out the bowls and ingredients, Leo was getting out the plates and toppings, and Mikey was usually reserved for holder or whisker, but normally got distracted and left to go play. Donnie watched the man carefully and almost analysing as he began to measure out the ingredients. That was okay, he wouldn't push him to join in, especially when Leo wanted to so much.

"Can I crack the eggs this time?" The Latino boy asked, practically on his foster dad's back as he watched him sieve the flour.

Taking a look at Raphael, who just shrugged, Yoshi uttered, "Of course, we're going to need three eggs, oka-"

"Yes!" Leon yelled in excitement, instantly going to grab the eggs. Cracking them against the edge of the bowl, he somehow managed to get a large amount of the eggshells in with the mixture, "Uhhh... Oops?"

"It's okay, here let me show you how to fix it," Grabbing one of the broken eggshells, he scooped out one of the egg pieces, "Think you can do that?"

"Yeah!" The boy's enthusiasm returned once again as he got busy to work.

Splinter quickly mixed the pancake mixture and heated his pan as his boys got ready at the table, knowing that when cooking became time-sensitive, they had to leave. Donnie, however, watched with curious eyes at this spectacular, like it was a scene from a movie.

As he waited for the pancake to brown, he glanced over to the boy, "Hey, do you want to see something cool?"

Donatello nodded slightly, using the step stool to be able to watch the pan. The man made sure they weren't too close before flipping the pancake in the air with one hand, being perfectly golden on the other side, "Ooooh!"

It was nice to have an audience as he stacked pancakes on top of each other on a plate. Soon, he had run out of the mixture so he asked his spectator, "Think you can bring those in for the boys while I get cleaned up?"

Donnie looked at the plate he was being offered with a critical frown, "...Are you sure? What if I mess up or drop it?"

"It's okay to mess up, I can always make another batch, maybe you could help me measure the ingredients then."

He looked up at the man with this... unreadable expression, a mix of confusion and determination, before nodding and walking away, plate in hand.

And when he entered the dining room later on, Splinter couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of pride as he saw that Donatello had eaten a pancake or two. Even though the boy was reading at the table with his headphones on, he did seem to be listening to the other children's conversation. Interrupting ever so often to correct people, mainly Leo, who always took it personally.

Yoshi didn't know what he was so worried about, Donnie seemed to be adjusting a lot easier than expected. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad...

Chapter Text

Just like Splinter had said, the social worker showed up around lunchtime. And Donnie... Donnie was not prepared for it whatsoever.

It would have been fine if he could have somebody around he knew but Leo hated social workers so was currently boarded up in his room. Mikey and Raph were playing in their room to give him privacy, which was... fine. But his hands couldn't stop trembling at the fact that it was just him and two strange adults in the same room.

And they were looking at him. Which made things 𝘴𝘰 much worse.

As the woman sorted through her papers, she asked so casually, "So, Donatello, how are you doing? Has Mr Hamato been treating you well?"

"Mr Ham-to...?" The child repeated until he realized, "Oh, right, Splinter isn't your real uh... It's been- I uh... he made pancakes, so that was cool."

He knew that wasn't an answer but didn't know what else to say. The man was... peculiar. He was kind in a way that seemed unnatural like he was constantly being watched, even behind closed doors. Well, he was a foster parent, maybe it was harder to let yourself have breaks from parenting when you're constantly getting visits from nosy adults. At least that was Donnie's working theory.

Not that it mattered, he'd be out of this loud crowded house soon.

"That sounds nice," The lady said with a fake smile, "Now, the reason I'm here today is to talk with you, and figure out what we're going to do long-term, okay?"

The child nodded, looking away to the floor as he picked at the skin around his fingers.

"Has Mr Hamato told you about your mom?"

"Uh... he- he said she was better but couldn't come pick me up..." He tried his best to paraphrase but his mind felt so full like it was ready to burst.

"That's correct, your mom... still needs a bit of help but don't worry, in a few weeks you'll be able to visit her again, how does that sound?" The woman's smile almost felt taunting.

"Visit...? But- Where do I..." The words became lost on his tongue as he tried to process everything, "Why does she need help?"

There was silence, "Well... she's-"

"Don't say she's sick, I know she isn't! I would be able to see her if she was sick!" Donnie snapped out, anger bubbling up in him, "She was fine! I checked!"

All of a sudden, the air changed as the adult's facial expressions changed alongside it. They looked almost horrified, sympathetic, pitiful- It didn't matter, all that Dee knew was that he was angry and all he wanted was his mom, why was that so difficult?

"Donatello," Her voice was so stern that it was like Deja Vu, "Can you... talk me through your checkup with your mom?"

Putting his thumb and index finger on his chin, he recounted, "I uh... I'm not supposed to talk about it..."

"Yesterday... had that ever happened before?" The question just made him want to hide away in his hoodie, "Have you ever found your mom... asleep at unusual times? Maybe on the floor or the couch?"

"I guess..." He muttered as they all stared at him, awaiting any sort of response. If he gave the bare minimum, maybe he wouldn't get in trouble.

The social worker was suddenly writing on one of the forms she had in her pile. Donnie didn't like it.

"Does your mom take a lot of medicine? Like pills or... other things?"

The boy's mouth clamped close. sealed shut with shame. He had said too much, his mom was going to be so upset-

"You're not in any trouble, it's okay..." Splinter spoke up for the first time since they sat down. His eyes were soft and he did seem... genuine. But Donatello didn't know this man, he couldn't be trusted. Men like him had a track record of being untrustworthy and deceitful, and Donnie wouldn't fall for that trap again! He was a smart kid, too smart to be made a fool of.

So he kept his mouth closed and didn't even get them the satisfaction of forced eye contact.

After attempt after attempt of trying to get a response out of him, the social worker sighed, frustration laced into her frown, no matter how much she tried to hide with a fake smile, "...The reason I am here is to ask if you have any family members you can stay with for the time being? Any aunts or grandparents?"

Slowly, the boy shook his head, shoulders slumping.

"Oh, are you sure...? It's okay if they're out of the country or live far away, just anybody you are related to. How about your dad?"

Donnie shook his head even more violently.

"Right..." The lady hummed before writing something down, that sound was driving him insane, "Well, as there isn't anybody to take you in and Mr Hamato is closest to your mom, you might have to stay here for a bit longer, at least until your mom can-"

"But you said I'd only be here for a few days!" The kid suddenly yelled out, standing up from his chair, "Y-You said so!"

"I know but there isn't anybody else to take care of you-"

"I can take care of myself! I don't want to be here!" He was getting louder, he didn't mean to get louder, "You lied!"

Donnie could feel his hands shaking, not even clenching them until his nails dug into his palms helped as the rest of his body shook as well. His teeth grinded together, his throat started to grow raw from his yelling, and his heart was pounding loud enough to be heard over anything else. Not that it mattered what anybody else was saying.

He was 𝘈𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺. He was so angry he didn't know what to do with it all.

They had lied to him, they were liars! How dare they do this to him? Take him away from his mom and throw him into this loud crowded house with gross boys and immature kids, how could they?! Without a second thought, he kicked the chair he was just in, sending it crashing to the ground and went running for the door. Splinter beat him there though so they end up colliding.

The feeling of the man's arms around him, trying to contain him, trap him, felt like 𝙡𝙖𝙫𝙖.

Donnie screamed, and thrashed, trying to get rid of the awful sensation but the hold was getting only tighter. Suffocating, hot, burning, awful, Bad. It made his skin feel like it was burning from the bad touch. He didn't like this, he 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 this.

In a split second, he found the man's bare arm and bit down 𝗛𝗮𝗿𝗱.

With a yelp, Splinter finally let him go, letting Donatello run around the social worker and up the stairs. He slammed open the door to his room, no, not his room, the place where his stuff was, and marched in. Leo sat on his bed, blissfully unaware of what was happening.

"Hey, what'd the door do to you?"

"Get out."

"What?"

Donnie grabbed the alarmed clock from his nightstand and threw it at the boy, only missing him because he ducked, "Get out! Out! 𝗡𝗼𝘄!"

He pushed his roommate out into the hallway before slamming the door in his face, ignoring the voice that cried out, "That's not fair! It's my room too!"

Donatello didn't care. He pressed his back against the door and tried to get his breath back. He was hyperventilating and he couldn't stop, no matter what he tried, it was like the air had been stolen from his lungs. The child could still feel the touch on his skin like sticky tar. Harshly pulling his hoodie off, he tried to scratch the feeling away but it just made things worse.

Everything was bad.

The feeling of his hair against his forehead, the sound of the alarm clock he threw still ticking away, and the bright overhead lights that burned his eyes, all made him want to cry. But he didn't, because boys didn't cry, he couldn't cry, he couldn't. Scrubbing away at his eyes, he slid down the door, wanting everything to just disappear, or a hole to appear and swallow him whole...

-

Leo was upset.

He got kicked out of his own room! He felt the right to be upset. But whenever he knocked or pounded on this door, he got no response, not even more yelling or the satisfaction of an insult, just silence. Which... was fine! He didn't care about being ignored, not at all!

With a grumble, he turned to look at Raph and Mikey, who had appeared from their room after hearing all the commotion, "What's going on?"

"Don kicked me out!"

"Leonardo! You've barely known the kid and you've already annoyed him enough to kick you out?" The oldest interrogated with folded arms.

"I didn't even do anything!"

Just as they bickered, their father slowly made his way up the stairs. In an instant, Leo looked at him and began, "Splints! Donnie kicked me ou-"

"I know, I know," The man sounded tired, exhausted even, especially as he held his arm in an incredibly awkward way, "Give him space."

"B-But-" The kid started babbling but was quickly cut off.

"Children, meeting in my room, now."

They all quickly made their way to Splinter's bedroom, navigating around the large mess around there, so that he could shut the door and sit on his bed with his hand on his head. Now that the foster dad wasn't hiding it, the bright red bite mark was very obvious and painful looking.

"Ouch, what happened?" Leo blurted out, never really thinking before he spoke.

"Not important," Splint answered, covering it with his hand, "So, I've brought you all here to let you know that Donatello will be staying for a lot longer than expected..."

"A lot longer?... how much longer?" Raphael asked, arms still crossed over his chest as his brows furrowed.

"I'm not certain... A few weeks, maybe months, what I'm trying to say is that Donnie will be a long-term kid in our house," The dad uttered with fatigue resting heavy on his face, "And because he's... different than other kids, there will be a few rules I need you all to follow You too, Leo."

His boys nodded, the serious nature of the conversation finally sitting in.

"He does not like physical touch so do not in any circumstances try to, we all need to respect his space," He quickly started with that like he believed it to be the most important, "If he ever gets angry let me know immediately, I will take care of it. And please, just... be kind."

The last two words were spoken with a deep weight of sadness over them. These rules weren't the usual ones like don't stay up past your bedtime or try and do kickflips without parental supervision, this was important. Really important.

Mikey, who had stayed quiet for a while mumbled in a small voice, "...dad?"

"Yes?"

"Why is Don different?"

The question made the room go still as the father figure tried his best to find the right words, "Sometimes... sometimes people are just different, my son. We don't need to understand it, we just need to respect it. It's like... Mikey, you are different to your brothers, aren't you?"

The youngest nodded slowly, taking in every word.

"Well, Donnie is a special kind of different, he may think about things in another way from you boys and prefers to stay silent instead of talking. We wouldn't want him to change himself for us, like how we wouldn't want any of you to change yourself, right?"

They all instantly agreed.

"Good, I'm proud of you my boys," A smile finally appeared on his face, though it was just a weak one. Just as the conversation ended and the kids started to leave, Splinter spoke up, "Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"I know this is a lot to ask but could you stay out of your room? Just for a while. The social worker is gone so you won't have to worry about her, I just think that some space will be good for Donatello..."

Leon pursed his lips, "But- I-... Can I at least get my tablet? It's still in there."

"I don't think so-"

"I won't bother him, I promise!" He begged his foster dad, even putting his hands together like a plea.

Splinter thought for quite some time before, "Okay, but be silent, and I mean more than silent. Be like... one of those spy movies you like!"

With a smile, he dashed out of the room, "Thanks Splints!"

Standing outside his room, Leo took a deep breath in before opening the door, just enough that he could slip in and quickly grabbed his tablet from under his pillow. But then he noticed that the lights had been turned off and the curtains were forced closed to try and block out as much light as possible. And the second thing he noticed was that Donnie wasn't anywhere to be seen.

He knew he was supposed to be a spy and sneak in and out in a split second but if the new foster kid had run away then that was a different story.

Frantically opening up the closet and checking behind the door, there was still no sign of the scrawny kid. Gosh, what if he jumped from the window? No matter how many bushes were in the backyard to break the fall, they still lived on the second floor, what if he was hurt?-

Then, a small, barely audible sniffle came from underneath the bed.

Underneath Donatello's bed was the boy, looking even tinier as he hid the farthest away in a corner, using his bags to block any view of him from above. He seemed to be trying to make himself as small as possible, in a tight ball as he tried to hold himself, maybe to ground himself or to stop himself from shaking so much.

Leo couldn't just leave him like this...

Getting on his knees, he slightly moved the biggest bag just so he could look at the boy, and spoke in barely a whisper, "Hey... you okay?"

He knew that was a bit of a dumb question but what else was he meant to say?

Donnie didn't respond, just vigorously rubbed at his face with the sleeve of his hoodie, like Leo couldn't tell he had been crying from his red eyes and sniffles. He remembered Splinter telling him that Dee might prefer to be silent so instead of trying to press for an answer, he asked another question, "Can I... join you?"

Again, nothing.

Then all of a sudden, he extended one of his legs and kicked the main bag of his hiding place, knocking into the boy and sending him to his back, "Oomf- okay, that's okay, I'll go-"

As soon as Leo went to go stand, he felt a hand on his wrist.

Looking down, he saw that Donnie had crawled slightly out of his bed to drag him in. He didn't kick the bag to attack him, it was so his roommate could fit under the bed with him. Accepting the invitation, the scrawny boy shimmied his way underneath, closing the gap again with the large duffel bag.

It was dark under here, nearly pitch black, but he supposed that maybe that was how the distressed kid liked it. Through the darkness, he could see that Dee was wearing his headphones again, the ones he wore nearly all the time, but now that Leo could get closer, he realized that they weren't normal headphones. No music was being paid, and no video either, they seemed to just muffle sound, which it looked like the boy needed as he pressed his hands against his covered ears, trying to stop any sound from entering.

So for the first time, Leon stayed quiet.

It was hard. To just lay there, staring at the bed frame above him until the straight lines of the planks seemed to warp, but this kid trusted him enough to let the boy into his hiding place. Leo didn't want to ruin that by being his usual loud annoying self...

Just as the floor began to hurt his back, he heard the door open. Donnie's breathing got sharp as he pushed his entire body to the corner, so violently that the back of his slammed against the wall.

"Hey, hey, it's alright, it's just-" Leo looked over to see two pairs of small feet by the bed, "It's Mikey and Raph, they won't hurt you..."

Donatello didn't seem to believe him until two faces popped down to look underneath, "Leo! You told dad you'd be in and out!

"Well, does Splints know you're here?" The guilty look on their faces spoke volumes, "then we're even."

Mikey sat down cross-legged on the wooden floor, beaming brightly to his new brother, "Is everything okay now?"

Leonardo looked down at the boy, he was still shaking, eyes wide like he was waiting for a sudden movement or a threat, and still wholly mute, "Uh... no, not yet... you guys should probably leave before Splinter notices-"

"no..."

The smallest of voices suddenly blurted out, surprising everybody, even himself. Donnie was nearly completely hidden away in his hood but still managed to show his desperate expression. He didn't want them to go.

"Oh, uh, okay, we'll stay," Raphael whispered with a smile before looking around the room. Walking to both the beds, he began pulling off the covers and pillows and made a pile near the wall farthest from the door.

Mikey's eyes lit up as he instantly recognized that it was time to take a nap in the turtle pile, in which he would get a blanket and surround himself in it and pretend like he was a box turtle. He came running into the blanket pile, giggling as Raph tried to make sure he didn't end up giving himself brain damage by banging his head on the wall.

Leo looked over to the distressed boy who looked at the pillow heap with wonder in his dark eyes but stayed underneath the bed like it was a safe zone. Making sure that Donnie was watching, the other boy made his way out and fell into the bundle with an 'oomph', instantly resting his hands behind his head. They didn't need to say anything, mainly because they didn't want to force him to join, but in a few minutes, the new foster kid had crawled out from his safe place and made his way to the pile, a bit of distance away from the others.

Nobody commented on it, just continued enjoying the darkness of the room, Michaelanglo's small snores even filling the room as one by one they took an afternoon nap. Expect the two insomniacs.

Leonardo looked over to his roommate, who was staring into space with this blank expression, "Are you... feeling better?"

His head instantly snapped to look at the other, like he had gotten caught daydreaming. Donnie's gaze softened at the other children in the house being so peaceful, an expression filled with disbelief that people could be so at ease... Before, slowly, he nodded. It was hesitant and fearful but maybe... Maybe that would be enough for now...

Chapter Text

Mikey learned a lot about his new roommate in the last few days.

For example, in the rare occurrence that Donnie ate with the rest of the house, he only touched specific foods like sandwiches and canned soups, picking at anything he didn't like, which was strange. And that he read a 𝘭𝘰𝘵.

He often spent the entire day in a blanket cocoon reading this massive book that he could barely hold, sat there for hours at a time, barely moving or remembering to take care of himself. Just watching him made Mikey restless. Don once tried to explain the book to him but after the fifth minute of rambling about a sci-fi robot apocalypse, the other child's mind went completely blank. Seeing as he couldn't read, books weren't really his thing...

But there was the other thing he noticed.

Donnie was perfectly fine with the other kids being in his presence. Sure, he didn't talk or respond to questions but he didn't seem to mind staying in the same room as them, sometimes actively joining their blanket forts, maybe to just feel included. But with Splinter, it was an entirely different situation.

He wouldn't let his eyes leave the adult for even a second, constantly on edge like the man was some unpredictable entity. It wasn't like the boys' father didn't try. Whenever they crossed paths he would be as soft as possible, maybe even a bit too much as he accepted the kid's scowls and bad words the youngest couldn't repeat. Donnie didn't trust him, not one bit.

Mikey didn't understand. He knew his dad was nice and he had always been nice to his brothers but for some reason, Don acted like the man had a secret agenda. And nothing he said to try and convince the new boy worked!

Maybe that was the part that made him upset. No matter what anybody did, he just didn't listen!

So, instead of playing outside with the rest of the kids, Donnie sulked in his room, in the dark, alone. And Mikey just couldn't have that! Sneaking away from the group in the backyard where they were messing with the hose and sprinklers, the youngest kid made his way into the house.

Reaching Don's and Leo's room, Mikey marched in with blazing determination. Which almost immediately got halted as the boy with glasses scowled, "Michael, you need to knock."

The youngest looked back at the door and knocked on it in a melody before jumping onto the bed next to his newest brother, much to his dismay, "You're all wet! Go sit on Leo's bed."

With a huff, Michelangelo made his way to the bed opposite Donnie's, swaying his feet on the edge, "Come play with us!"

The older boy looked outside from the open window, where you could hear muffled laughter from the other two boys, "No thanks."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to."

"Why?"

"Because-" Donnie took a deep breath as his voice grew more agitated, "I don't want to get wet."

"Oh," Mikey hummed for a minute before grinning again, "You can catch bugs with me then!"

The boy's face scrunched up in disgust, "uh, no, definitely not."

"Whyyy?"

"Bugs are gross," Don stuck his tongue out at the idea.

The small kid groaned as he flopped back onto the bed, trying to think of more ideas, staring at the ceiling, "What do you want to do?"

"Stay here."

"But that's boring!"

A long silence filled the room, only being interrupted by the occasional flipping of pages. Then a sharp sigh, "Michael, you can go play, I'm not keeping you here."

"But I want to play with you!"

This time it was Donnie's turn to ask, "Why?"

Mickey sat up and shrugged his shoulders, "'Dunno, just want to."

Something in the boy's face... changed. Almost softening around his rough exterior as slowly and surely, he closed his book, "Oh... okay. I- I uh- I guess I could go outside for a bit."

A massive grin instantly appeared on the youngest, not wasting another second for his newly acquired brother to change his mind. He was on his feet in a flash and began tugging on the boy's hoodie sleeve, "Come on, come on!"

An actual smile slightly appeared on his face for a brief second, so fast it was gone in a blink of an eye, "Let go Mikey."

With a giggle, the youngest kid made his way downstairs, practically bouncing on his heels as he waited for the other to put on his velcro shoes.

—

As soon as Donnie opened up the backdoor, Michalenalgo was off, running past him to the nearby forest connected to their backyard. Yoshi instantly yelled from his lawn chair, "Stay where I can see you!"

"Okay, Dad!"

For a brief moment, as the warm summer air brushed past his curls, Donatello felt free. It was hard to imagine that the last time he had been outside was when he was taken from his home but it was true, and he couldn't remember how long it had been before that. He has barricaded himself in that stuffy room for... days? He wasn't sure. Time got blurry during the holidays.

Dee tried not to think about it. Don't think about how long it's been since you've been in your own room. Don't think about the last time you saw your mother's glass-eyed face- Snapping back into reality, Donatello watched as Mikey bounced about like a spring, it was weird how much energy and razzmatazz could fit in such a tiny kid. Though, right now, it was just nice to hang out with someone.

Michael didn't want to hang out with him because he felt bad or sympathetic, like Leo did, or struggled to speak to him like he was made out of glass, like Raph. The youngest wanted to hang out with him because... he just wanted to. And that meant a lot to him. It was nice to imagine that sometimes people didn't have an ulterior motive, they were just people.

The foster child managed to catch up to the smallest to see him crouching down at a little pond, eyes shining with delight, "Look! Bugs!"

In the pond there was algae, moss, vegetation, and small black dots with two back legs, swimming about, "Those are tadpoles."

"Tadpoles?" The genuine curiosity in the small child's voice made Donnie's voice abrupt at the slight chance to share something he knew. But he still tried to slow himself down so the younger boy would understand.

"Tadpoles! Those are a frog's kids, they hatch from an egg and grow those back legs so they can swim," As he spoke, he pointed to one that appeared more active than the others.

"Frogs? Does that mean- Frogs will be here?!"

"Yes, and a lot of them."

The twinkle in the boy's hazel eyes grew triple the size as he instantly went running to his father, "Dad! Dad! Guess what!"

Donnie's feet froze on him as he watched from the sidelines. He watched as Mikey went to his father with pure glee as he pointed to where all the frogs would show up. Splinter smiled and seemed... genuinely interested in what he was saying, even sitting up in his lawn chair to look at where his kid was looking. With the two now side by side, they looked almost identical, except for the age of course.

They had the same poofy hair, though Michael had white stripes in his hair that seemed old, something he was growing out of. Same tilted smile, the same eye colour, it was eerie to look at, like a funhouse mirror.

With the commotion the youngest boy was making, Raph stopped playing to ask. He was... also Splinter's son, right? He didn't seem to call the adult anything but 'dad' or 'papa', even though they looked nothing alike. They weren't even the same race, which seemed logically and biologically impossible, Donnie thought. And yet, Splinter still smiled at them both with the same grin, unbothered.

Donatello was suddenly pulled out of his frozen state to a tug on his sleeve, "Dee!"

A small noise made its way out of his throat, a sign that he was still there, no matter how in his own head he was. Mikey just continued tugging, "Come on! Let's go see more bugs!"

"Tadpoles aren't bugs, they are amphibians."

The younger boy just continued walking around the pool, looking at every mosquito and butterfly, each time looking at Donnie for trivia, which he was happy to share. Right next to him was the little kid, currently fiddling with a loose thread on his overalls with hands that were still damp from trying to grab a tadpole.

"You should try! It feels weird," The small voice giggled.

"Uh, n-" Don started to decline until he looked over at the child's big eyes, "Ugh, fine, just for a second."

Rolling up his sleeve so he didn't have to experience wet clothes, he gradually dipped his hand into the water, one finger at a time. It was cold, very cold, and probably gross. Making a gagging noise, he quickly pulled it out, he wouldn't try that aga-

"Ouch."

Michael's voice snapped him out of the thought of how much bacteria was probably in this pond. Looking over showed that the boy wasn't hurt, but instead looking over to Donnie's arm. On his dark skin laid small circular scars that never faded enough not to be noticeable. The look of innocence on Mikey's face made all noise cease, "What are those?"

Swallowing down a hard lump in his throat, Donnie uttered the first lie to come to his head, "Leech bite marks."

"Leeches?!" Horror flashed across the boy's face.

Okay, maybe he should have thought about his lie a bit more than that...

"Mhmm! That's why you don't go sticking your hands into ponds. Might get bitten by a leech."

With a nervous grin, the older kid waited to see if his poor lying skills came through... But they seemed to have worked a bit too well as small tears gathered in Mikey's big eyes, "Daaad!"

As he watched the kid run off to his parent, Donnie already knew this wouldn't end well...

-

Surprisingly, there wasn't any punishment, or at least not yet.

Maybe Splinter would do something after he returned from where he was inside, trying to console his son as he cried. The boy felt bad for making the youngest get so upset, he didn't mean to. But he couldn't stop thinking about what was going to happen. Maybe he wouldn't do anything until his actual children couldn't see-

"Sooo, why did you tell Mikey that leeches were going to bite him?" Leo's voice burst his bubble as he sat down next to Donnie on the grass, where he was sitting, thoughtlessly pulling out the grass as he waited for Splinter to scold him or anything-

As he sluggishly shrugged his shoulders, he noticed Raphael sitting down next to him. The tallest boy hadn't spoken much to him since he arrived, which was fine, he didn't care, not at all, "You really upset him."

Trying to bite down the emotions that threatened to flood, Donnie barked back, "Yeah well- He needs to learn. Can't keep him protected forever."

"From leeches...?" He heard Leo mumble under his breath.

"Don, that's a bit of a messed up way of teaching him something, don't ya think?" Raphael scolded, crossing his arms over his chest, probably learning from his father figure, "Did you really get bitten by a leech? Mikey was crying about your arm being bitten off."

"Really?" Leonardo's voice grew loud and excited, "Can I see?"

Before he knew it, the boy's hands were around his arms, reaching to pull his sleeve up. Donatello wasn't dumb, he had only known his kid for a few days but knew with full certainty that he wouldn't hurt him. And yet.

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘦𝘵.

Lava scalded his arm with the imprints of the boy's fingers feeling like a death grip, it was bad, this was bad! Using his other arm he pushed Leo away, making him fall to his back. He just wanted him--for everyone--to stop 𝙩𝙤𝙪𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙞𝙢!

Donnie tried to push him with his leg, desperately trying to get the threat as far away as possible. And when arms from behind wrapped around him and tried to stop him, it just made everything worse. God, this was so much 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲!

It felt like suffocation. It was like disgusting tar around his body, pushing out the air from his lungs. Like a massive weight was on his chest, his brain crying out, telling him to run, to fight, to get himself to safety- it didn't matter, he just wanted it 𝗴𝗼𝗻𝗲.

A violent scream left his mouth without much volition, throat instantly stinging like it was being wrapped in thorns. He kicked, he swung his arms, trying to desperately hit whoever was holding him, scrunching his eyes so tight it hurt.

Then, a sudden loud sound made it all stop.

As soon as the touch left, Donnie scrambled over to the nearby fence, back pressed against every splinter and- Right, right, he needed to calm down, breathe. Splinter's voice could be heard, though muffled through thick layers of fear and disgust. He sounded upset, god why did he sound upset- Did he do something wrong? Did he hurt his sons? He- He didn't mean to-

"Don, can you hear me?" The man's voice whispered, it was soft, gentle, like a lullaby.

The boy frantically nodded, hoping that would make him stop talking.

"C'mon, let's go inside, it's darker in there," Even though he didn't want to leave, the thought of being away from the blinding light of the sun did pull him up from the ground.

Following the man into the house, he instantly noticed that Mikey was sitting on the couch, eyelashes still damp from crying, which made the guilt that followed Donatello even worse. Ignoring anything the adult wanted from him, he sat down next to the youngest kid, eyes going to the TV where something was mindlessly playing, the volume being turned down to something barely audible.

"Dee? You okay?" The smallest of voices called out but he was shushed by his father.

"It's quiet time," Was all Splinter uttered before going upstairs.

And like magic, Michael slumped against the arm of the couch and didn't utter another sound. It certainly made calming down a lot easier for Donnie. When he could hear his breathing it was easy to notice how shaky and fast it had gotten. Using his hoodie sleeve he wiped at his wet eyes as the feeling of his seat slowly drifted away. He barely even noticed Splinter returning and wordlessly hanging him the bulky headphones he had grabbed from his room.

Donnie hesitated before taking it, this was... a nice thing to do. He should say thank you, or something- The boy didn't want to make him even more upset- But before he even got the chance, he left the two kids alone with nothing more than a soft smile.

It seemed that this restlessness was noticed by one, "Are you... okay now?"

The older boy nodded slowly, eyes not leaving the TV.

"Okay, okay..." Mikey messed with a loose thread on his overalls as he spoke, "Do you... Are you scared of my dad?"

"I'm not scared!" Donatello snapped back, his throat instantly regretting his defensive nature, "I- I just don't like him."

"Why do you hate my dad?"

The question, despite being so simple, knocked out all air from him.

"I... I don't-... He took me from my mom, I could be with her and we could be eating pasta together or watching TV. But I'm not with her. She's probably alone- and- and scared- and I should be there!"

"So... my dad took you away?"

Donnie paused. He looked at his shoes like they were the most interesting thing in the room, just to avoid looking at Mikey, who even in the corner of his eye looked so small and innocent. The foster kid didn't blame him for not understanding, though... maybe Don didn't understand it either. The logical side of him knew that if it wasn't Splinter, then it would just be another random adult, maybe even worse. But he had to blame someone, because if he couldn't blame the man then there were only two other people, his mom and himself... And he knew which one he was more likely to blame.

"...No, he didn't... I- I don't actually hate him but… I can't help it. Whenever I'm around him, I feel like something bad is going to happen... I-I just want to go home..." Bringing his knees up to his chest, he hugged them tightly, trying to desperately hide away from his situation.

"Do you miss your mom?"

Donnie nodded.

"I... I miss my mom too..." That got his attention. Snapping his head up, he watched as Mikey stared at the ground, kicking his feet back and forth like he was thinking though not another word escaped from his head. Maybe he didn't want to talk about it...

The room filled with a thick silence that lay heavy in the air. Slowly, Donatello mumbled, "I'm sorry for lying to you... I haven't even seen a leech before."

"Wha- Why did you lie?"

He shrugged, "I don't know, I just- I didn't want you to tell people about my arms."

The boy's golden brown eyes wandered over to his hoodie sleeves, "Can I... see them?"

Donnie hesitated for a moment before slowly rolling up his sleeve to reveal the circular scars, something he had always been told to hide, now in clear view and being analyzed by some stranger. And somehow, he was okay with it, "Do they hurt?"

Donnie shook his head, "No, they're old. They don't hurt anymore."

"So... what are they?"

"I don't want to talk about it- I- It's not something I like to think about..."

"Oh, okay," The boy accepted and his eyes left to look back at the TV. In a second, the conversation ended, no more prodding or questioning or worry, just a simple recognition and it was over.

"Dad- uh… Splinter is nice, yaknow? You don't have to be scared."

"I just... I don't know how to feel about him. He's not like anyone else I've ever met."

"Yeah, he's pretty different. But he's really kind. You should try to give him a chance."

Donnie didn't respond. Even though they didn't talk about it anymore, he could tell that something had shifted in his brain. Maybe, just maybe, he could trust Splinter a little bit more…

Chapter Text

Leo wasn't upset. Not at all!

He didn't care that Donnie had pushed and kicked him. Nor did he care that Splinter was too focused on his actual child to see it happen. He didn't care! Mainly because it was his fault...

His foster dad had told him not to touch his new roommate and yet, typical Leo, he got too curious and absent-minded. He just had to mess it all up, didn’t he? If anybody was to blame for his injuries it was him. Didn’t mean they hurt any less though…

He was still sitting outside, rubbing at the reddish marks, poking them to see when it would start to hurt. Raph was right next to him, unsure of whether it was okay to back inside.

“Are you okay?” The older boy spoke softly, trying to reach out and see the damage.

“I’m fine.” He quickly crossed his arms over his chest, tight and secure.

Raphael didn’t know when to stop pushing, “Uh, you know it’s not your fault, right?”

“Whatever Raph…”

Just as his foster brother opened his mouth, the backdoor slid open, Splinter stepped out with a furrowed brow, “What are you guys still doing out here? Come in, it’s gonna get cold.”

The two walked in wordlessly, Raph instantly going to sit on the floor next to the couch so he could watch whatever was on TV with Mikey and Donnie. Leo kept to the door, watching them silently, a tight feeling grasping his heart. Donnie didn’t even look at him, eyes sealed onto the screen with these massive headphones on, was he even able to hear the show?

Suddenly, a hand was placed on his shoulder. Leo nearly jumped into the air with how badly he flinched but Splinter pretended not to notice, “How are you doing?”

The man tried to reach over to see the damage but Leo quickly folded his arms over his chest with a huff, “I’m fine.”

The tired father sighed before leaving to start making dinner. Leo wished he would have asked at least a few more times so he could continue putting up his shields… Not that it bothered him, not at all…

-

Leo picked at his food.

He had managed to separate the hidden greens in the noodle dish he was given as everybody else talked around him. He didn’t know what it was called, he didn’t know what it was if he was honest, he was used to pizza and cold McDonald's fries, not liquid and chewy strings. Usually, he would bite his tongue and eat what he was given, even if he didn’t like it, because hunger pains hurt more than the discomfort of strange new flavours but not this time.

He hated that nobody noticed he wasn’t eating, especially when Splinter used to be so overbearing, constantly making sure he was okay and making him slow down when eating so he didn’t feel sick. But now, his foster dad was trying to get Mikey to stop making a mess, tired lines in his face. He knew it had something to do with Don.

The kid was sitting across from him, headphones still in, looking at his bowl with this blank expression.

Leo huffed and pouted. It wasn’t fair that some kid was making his life more difficult!

Before, he had been excited to have a roommate. He thought they could have played basketball or ninjas or even watched Jupiter Jim together until he had to leave but he would silently watch it like a statue, he didn’t care about anything or anyone. Usually, Leo would be understanding, he had known worse foster kids who didn’t take change very well but Don punched him! And it really hurt!

Leo’s mind was a mess. Flipping between guilt and anger and loneliness in quick sesation. He wanted something to be mad at but no matter who he chose to hate, whether that be his foster family or himself, it didn’t make that anger any better, it just made him feel bad. Like a deep feeling of bad that made his heart ache…

“Leo, Donatello, you’ve hardly touched your food,” Splinter remarked as began cleaning up the table with Raph’s help.

“Wasn’t hungry,” He mumbled out.

Don made weird gestures with his hands, pointing to himself and putting up two fingers. Why was he being so weird?

“Okay… but I will be putting this away into a container so ask me and I’ll warm it up for you when you get hungry, okay?”

Leo grumbled before scraping his chair against the floor and stomping to his room. Nobody followed him as he had hoped…

-

Leo knew which steps had creaky floorboards.

He knew to stay close to furniture as that would create less noise, knew to wear socks and walk with his entire foot slowly instead of trying to go on his tiptoes. He knew when everybody went to sleep and to listen out to the sound of lamps turning off so he could sneak out.

He had been doing it here since he arrived, having already learned all this since he could remember.

Leo made his way into the kitchen when Don hadn’t moved in an hour and the house was quiet, making sure to barely open up doors, just enough to slip through and not closing the door fully so it was easier to get back in. With light fingers, he grabbed the step stool and got up onto the counter, grabbing the medkit from the top shelf.

Lifting his shirt he poked at the slightly red and light purple marks from hours ago, now sore and painful when he tried to roll around in bed restlessly.

He peeled the bandaids of their plastic films and placed them on every bruise, hoping that they would make it heal faster. Besides, who didn’t like getting bandaids put on them?

Just as he placed the last one, the light came on.

Snapping his head up, his eyes met a pair of bulky glasses.

“What are you doing? Turn off the light!” He harshly whispered, beginning the process of slowly zipping back up the medkit.

Donnie opened his mouth and then closed it again and then brought his hand up to his mouth and another to his stomach. It took Leo a while to figure out the charades he was playing, “You’re hungry…?”

His foster brother nodded.

Leo pursed his lips as he put everything away exactly how he found it, even making sure to put something on top of the bandaid waste when he put it in the bin just in case. Could he trust this kid…? One look into his eyes that averted their gaze gave him the answer quickly.

“Come on, let’s go back upstairs.”

The boy followed the other back up the stairs, cringing when he would press too much weight into a creaky board, hopefully, everybody was deep sleeping…

When they returned to their room, Leo began rummaging through his piles. Among the clothes and toys, there was a shoebox, that when opened was filled with snacks that he had been skimming off the top of the snack drawer, things they wouldn’t miss and more importantly wouldn’t notice. With a smile, he waved his hand to his hoarding box, “Get whatever you want.”

Donnie, cautiously and hesitantly, rummaged through the snacks before pulling out a pack of crackers. That was Leo’s emergency emergency food, the real bottom-of-the-barrel plain boring stuff, probably being there since he got here. Don didn’t seem to mind and opened it up, biting into a cracker that was so stale that it took a while to chew.

Leo got himself some mini Oreos, a real luxury in the food-hoarding world before putting the box safely away. He had been saving these for a special occasion or truthfully, a miserable moment, but with how bad he felt now, there was no better time…

For a long time, they ate in silence.

Then-

“Thank… you…” The curly-haired boy whispered with a cracked voice, making a weird gesture with his hands as he spoke.

“...y’r welc’me…” Leo tried to say with an Oreo in his mouth he had been savouring until it was mush.

“I am... sorry… that I… was such a jerk to you…” Despite the surprisingly genuine words, his face still didn’t change, looking almost bored.

Assuming he probably wouldn’t get a better apology, Leo shrugged, “It's fine…”

“No, it isn’t… I wouldn’t like to be hit.” His eyes briefly darted to the bandages that had cartoon turtles on them.

“I wouldn’t like to be grabbed either.” At the mention of it, Donnie curled in on himself, wrapping his blanket around his body like a protective shield or shell. Leo hummed, “I’m sorry too. I’m trying to be a better brother, I just keep on doing stupid things and I wish I didn’t…”

“Brother?” The word is spoken as if it were a foreign word.

"Yeah! You're technically my brother now, at least for the time being."

Donnie fiddled with a stray piece of thread from his blanket, wrapping it around his finger until it got red. He looked pained. "I... I don't know how to be a brother."

"It's easy! Just be yourself and we'll figure it out from there."

The room fell silent as they listened to the cars outside their window, the city not caring about how late it was. Leo yawned and went under his own blanket, as the moon began to set in the sky, he finally could feel himself grow tired and slow. Rubbing his eyes, he accidentally let out a huff.

Don whispered, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, just…” He suddenly found that he was too tired to lie, “Actually, no, I’m not…”

His foster brother opened his mouth and then closed it again, like he was at a loss for words, “Do you… want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know… probably not.”

How does he explain that he is worried that now Donnie is here? Leo will be shunned to the side, as it has happened every time before. Either with another foster kid, a new baby, or even a dog, people get occupied with other things quickly, leaving him behind because they assume that he must be fine now. It’s been months, he should be fine, but he’s not. He knows he should be used to taking care of himself, he knows how to clean his clothes, make his meals, only plain toast and cereal but hey it’s food, and keep himself occupied, skills he’s learned. But attention was always something he kept crawling back to like it was as much of a need as water and food, which it wasn’t, at least he didn’t think so…

And how does he explain all this while not making his emotionally unpredictable roommate upset?

Leo, instead of talking, decides that the best thing to do is to simply turn over in his bed, his back facing Donnie and hoping that was a big enough hint that the conversation was over.

It wasn’t.

“Hey uh- You know- I’m glad you’re my roommate slash brother slash strange friend-ish companion? I think you’re pretty cool, the coolest kid I know… I don’t know many kids but out of the ones I do, you’re alright,” Don mumbled, stalling on his words.

Leon sat up again, “...yeah?”

“Yeah, I mean you’re a fellow enjoyer of ninjas, basketball, and even Jupiter Jim!” Donnie forced a smile.

“But that’s not cool, you don’t even like that stuff.”

“Wha- I do!”

“You don’t ever play ninjas or basketball with us! And you don’t say the cool lines with us when we watch it!”

Donatello paused, putting his words carefully as his smile quickly fell. “...I’m not very good at playing, I can’t throw a ball or dodge quick enough but I still like it, I simply... I-I try not to get too excited. I show my excitement differently than others, I make weird noises and when I start talking I can’t stop, I know it’s annoying so I… don’t… do that anymore… But I still like Jupiter Jim! Just… silently and with silent hands….”

“Huh…” Leo blinked, “I think I would prefer it if you were excited than looking bored all the time.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do!”

He would love somebody to talk endlessly about his special hobbies, things he can’t stop thinking about. Mikey was a great listener but not as good of a talker, Splinter didn’t quite get it, and Raph was too busy with his special hobby of Ghost Bear, some wrestler…

Donnie let out a noise before quickly turning around with his back facing Leo, using his own hint against him.

“...Goodnight Don-Don,” Leon yawned out, making sure his wrapper was stuffed under his pillow before resting his eyes.

“...night…”

Chapter Text

The next day, they sat around the dining room table.

Leo and Donnie were rubbing at their tired eyes, sharing glances with secret messages like in the sixteen Jupiter Jim movie, mind melding! Though Donatello couldn’t figure out if Leo was trying to tell him to keep quiet about last night or asking him to pass the juice, he just did both. Mikey was eating toast with jam that had been cut into quarters and Raph had his but was too busy trying to get jam off his little brother’s face. Splinter was on his phone while also reading a big stack of papers, his eyebrows furrowed together.

Suddenly, his foster father let out a large sigh, putting him right on edge, had he done something wrong? Quick, think about what you’ve done today, does he know that he ate those crackers??

“Boys, how about we go out for the day, I say we’ve been cooped up here long enough,” He put on a tired smile as everybody else perked up, “How about we… go to the library?”

Donnie tries to enjoy how the man’s eyes darted to him before he said that, he also tries to ignore how much the other boys groan at the idea.

“What? A library? Why?” Leo complained, drawing out his words.

“Because reading is important! I’m worried your brains will turn to mush over the holidays if I don’t get you guys to read something,” The foster dad uttered, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Brains can turn to mush?!” Mikey exclaimed, holding his head tightly.

Splinter let out another sigh, “Look, if you guys can get one book from the library then afterwards we can go to the park for an hour, is that a good compromise?”

The three other boys begrudgingly agree. Don simply nodded, hoping that it wasn’t too fast and it wasn't obvious he was excited, trying to calm his legs that wanted to kick the air.

Keep it down, Donatello.

-

The boys were all cramped into the foster dad's car, now with even less space as Donnie was added, all seats full. He had to push himself into the door to not touch Mikey's car seat.

“Raph,” Splinter began carefully as they drove up to the library, “We do need to see if they have some school books, okay?”

“Mhmm…” The oldest boy grumbled, “I don't want to go to middle school though.”

“I know but you have to,” Splinter found a parking space and stopped the car, “We’ll talk about this later, alright?”

Raphael grumbled under his breath as they all made their way inside. Donnie tried to stop his hands from shaking by putting them in his hoodie pocket as he suppressed his smile. Not waiting for anybody else, he ran through the bookshelves, eyes scanning about. There were so many gems to look out for!

Just as Donatello sat down in a little children's nook with tons of pillows and a massive sci-fi book in his lap, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked over to see Leo holding a book to him, “Was this what you were doing before?”

Don adjusted his glasses and read the front, ‘ASL for Beginners’.

“Yes, American Sign Language. It is a way to communicate using your hands.”

Leo suddenly grew a massive smile, teeth and all, “Teach me!”

“Leo, I really don’t-”

“Come on, you can teach me! We're brothers now, right? I wanna be able to talk- uh get your hand talking."

Donnie opened his mouth to argue but found that he couldn’t. He had walked himself into that one, with the whole ‘brother’ thing last night. Was that what they were now, brothers? His brain instantly scoffed at the idea. They didn’t share even a single strand of DNA except for the fact that they were both humans. They couldn’t be any more different, from their appearance to personalities, and yet he couldn’t find it in himself to completely dismiss the idea, though he didn’t know why. For now, he ignored the comment and kept talking.

“Okay, but I’m only gonna teach you the basics,” He grumbled, putting his book away and snatching the one from Leo’s hands, skimming past the first few pages.

Mikey and Raphael came over soon after, the smallest boy holding a picture book and Raph empty-handed, “Don’t tell Dad that I’m here, I really didn’t want to look at science books…”

“You didn’t?” Donnie’s eyebrows raised, who didn’t want to learn about the wonderful marvels of the earth?

“Ooo, whatcha doing?” Michelangelo asked, fingers pointing at the example of how to ask ‘How are you?’ in sign language.

“Dontron is teaching me how to speak with my hands!” Leo exclaimed.

“Don’t call me that ever again…”

“Oh!” Raph’s smile returned for the first time since they got here, “Can I learn too?”

Don begrudgingly agrees despite knowing that this is now double the work. It probably would be better if more people could understand him when he found talking impossible, so he cleared his throat and began his lesson. Mikey instantly lost interest, now drawing with some scrap paper that was in his dinosaur backpack, Leo did better than expected but Don could notice when he got confused and his attention seemed to gradually decrease, and Raph, well….

Donnie half expected him to get frustrated quickly, get stumped on something and give up to go draw with Mikey but he didn’t. Instead, he tried, and then he tried again, and again. He asked questions, phrases he wanted to learn, things that Don had signed before that he wanted to know. He hadn’t even realised that the older boy had even noticed him doing that, let alone remember it and want to learn. Raph was trying for him, something Donnie wasn’t used to.

These kids, while annoying and loud, cared about him. It was strange, it was bizarre, it was a situation Donnie had never had to deal with before so he had no frame of reference of what to do about it.

Suddenly, Mickey tugged on his hoodie sleeve, “Hey! I made something!”

Putting the book down, he grabbed the offering paper. It was a crude drawing, he couldn’t really figure out what it was meant to be but he couldn’t deny it was better than anything he could do.

As if sensing his confusion, Micheal started pointing to the different coloured shapes, “That’s me, Raph, Leo, you, and a ninja turtle!”

His heart hurt. It was a drawing of all of them. Why did that make his heart hurt so much?

Trying to clear the emotion from his throat, he asked, “Why a ninja turtle?”

“Because ninjas are cool and turtles are my favourite animals,” he exclaimed as it was so obvious.

The foster boy tried to blink rapidly, trying to suppress a smile from ear to ear but he couldn’t. With a strained small smile, he mumbled, “It’s really nice Michael. Would you… like… some turtle facts?”

The boy’s eyes shone brightly, the gap in his front teeth visible with his toothy grin, “Yes please!”

Donnie could feel himself relax as he watched the child jump up and down, flapping his hands in excitement and seeing nobody else even bat an eye. So he let himself babble a little too long about turtles, from box turtles to soft shells while trying to swerve from the more brutal parts of turtles. It was worth it to see him so happy.

Maybe, for now, or at least until he gets out of this madhouse, he can consider them temporary non-logical brothers…

Chapter Text

Donatello hated a lot of things.

He hated beach balls, tags on clothing, the feeling of velvet, and acidic foods like pineapple. But one thing he knew he hated more than most was shopping. The crowds, loud voices and crackling music over a speaker that screeches, the fluorescent lights that hurt his head, and the ache of his feet as he was dragged from place to place. He knew he was lucky that Splinter didn’t mind that he had his headphones on and even bought him a pair of purple sunglasses when he noticed him rubbing his eyes too much, but it was still an awful situation.

The entire family unit was shopping for school supplies as school was about to start the next week and nobody had anything.

Mikey was going into kindergarten for the first time, Donnie hadn’t brought even a pencil with him in the chaos, Leo had somehow managed to lose or break everything he was given last year, and Raph was starting middle school this year so needed proper supplies, much to his dismay.

Raph couldn’t be more open about his apprehension of middle school, constantly trying to convince his father with different excuses, “What about Don and Leo? They’ll need somebody to be there for them!”

“Raphael, I’ve told you it is out of my hands, you have to go. I know it’s scary to be on your own but you’ll still see your brothers every day and I'm gonna be there for you,” Splinter tried to reason but the boy still hung his head low.

Donatello slinked away from the crowd, browsing the various notebooks in different sizes and colours. His eyes sparkled at the scientific calculator. But then he sees it. Near the edge of the aisle, there was a toy section and there was a box. A toy revolved around science! It had beakers and packets of chemicals and everything he could ever wish for! Without thinking his hands started to flap, and he jumped from one leg to another, his heart full of excitement and glee-

“Do you want that?”

Donnie flinched, nearly dropping the box, which would make the situation even worse than it already was, “No! No, you're buying enough for me-”

“Oh, don't think about that, I will gladly buy what you need and what.”

The boy's gaze diverted from the box to his foster dad, his hands going to shake before he swiftly stopped himself. He gripped his hands tightly around his skull until the unnatural tremors stopped, “Quiet hands, quiet hands…”

Splinter purses his lips and Donnie is certain that he's messed up, made a mistake, and upset him.

“Boys,” the man clapped his hands, making the boy flinch, “Seeing as you guys have done so well and survived shopping, I know it isn't the most fun, you can get one thing from the toy section.”

The three other boy's eyes sparkled and frantically started looking through the aisle. Don couldn't bear to look up at Splinter but could still feel his smile burning into his skull when he sheepishly hugged the science kit close to his chest until the checkout.

-

Donatello peered into the kitchen from the doorway.

Splinter was cooking dinner while the rest of the kids were getting ready for school the next day. Mikey was with Raph who was losing his marbles about it all, rambling under his breath about being alone. Leo was frantically doing everything at the last minute, trying to find his backpack in messy piles of stuff on his side of the room. He was nervous as well but did whatever he could to keep his mind off it, including trying to get enough guts to say a simple thank you to his foster dad.

He knew he shouldn't be scared, shouldn't be waiting in the shadows, trying to find the right moment to strike. The right time in which he wasn't interrupting, making sure Splinter wasn't busy, or relaxing, or he seemed annoyed or in a good mood that could be ruined. Definitely not when he was cooking for five, stressed after a long day-

“Donatello? Are you okay?” Splinter asked the shadow outside the kitchen like he had a sixth sense of children lurking in door frames.

Guess it was now or ever.

“Yes, I… I wanted to thank you for the science kit. I enjoy it…” Donnie tried to say without his hands shaking, forcing eye contact even when it made him uncomfortable, everything possible to make this go smoothly.

“Oh, it's no big deal, I promise, but I still appreciate that,” His voice soft and quiet, barely audible over the rolling boil of a pot.

The boy knew that he should leave, and stop bothering the man but he didn't. Instead, he watched Splinter as he chopped up some vegetables. The foster father stalled before saying, “You know, if you're feeling up for it, you could help me cook so then you can make yours exactly how you like it. No pressure, you can also just tell me as I would like you to be able to eat with us happily.”

Don fiddled with his hoodie sleeves, “Uh… okay…”

Stalking to the man's side, he got onto the step stool, leaning over to see exactly what he was making. It seemed to be the starting of a tomato sauce pasta with chicken and cheese, a lot simpler than Splinter usually does but the sight of something he might have made himself is soothing.

“This is… different,” he phrased carefully.

“Yes, I figured that you two might not be used to my sort of cooking and I want you to be comfortable so I thought I would try a different dish,” Splinter noted as he grabbed an onion, “How would you like to help? You can help peel an onion or grate the cheese or keep an eye on the water.”

“Grate,” Soon, he had a strange grater in front of him that had a guard on it so he could slice his fingers and got to work, “You don't have to do that for me, I'm in your house, it seems stupid to change your cuisine for a temporary guest, you've already changed your name. The social worker called you Yoshi Hamato, butchering it but still, why do you go by Splinter? Is it because of kids like me?”

The man pursed his lips, eyes averting. Donnie had messed up, upset him, why did he have to have such a big mouth?-

“Do you want to know why I go by Splinter?”

Worrying that he wouldn't get another chance, Donnie hastily nodded, his previous million questions coming back to his mind.

“My grandfather raised me back in Japan after my mo-…” Splinter stopped, took a breath and started again, choosing his words more carefully, “He wasn't the best caregiver. When I moved to America, I didn't feel like a Hamato or Yoshi so my friends gave me the nickname Splinter, something small that broke off from a bigger piece… I prefer Splinter now.”

Donnie nodded, “And your granddad… is that why you decided to adopt?”

His foster dad inhaled sharply, “I do it because I want kids to feel loved, happy, and safe. Including you.”

The boy felt his shoulders loosen, his jaw unlocked, the ball of stress in his stomach unravelling. He was warming up to Splinter, whether Donnie wanted to or noticed but the man did and found himself smiling the entire night.

Chapter Text

Donnie fiddled with the end of his hoodie as they drove to school.

Mikey was the first to get dropped off at kindergarten, crying as he was brought in, not understanding why his brothers couldn't come with him. Next were the two younger boys, Leo silently looking out the window and Donnie on the verge of an episode of sharp breathing and irrational thoughts. He was petrified. He hadn’t been to school since this all happened, since the holidays it has been bliss. It was strange that Leo and Raph went to the same school as him and he hadn't noticed but couldn't recall anybody being there as he was busy keeping his head down.

People didn't like him very much. He talked too much and corrected them too many times, a nerd, a teacher's pet, a dork. The people he dreaded the most were these three kids who always asked him to do their homework. They called themselves the purple dragons, a stupid name, and spent all of their trying to get some sort of hierarchy over others… Donnie knew today wasn't going to be fun.

Suddenly, Leo blurted out, “Drop me off here.”

Splinter slowed on the sidewalk and the boy jumped out, a few minutes away from the school. Raphael looked at Donnie from the front seat, “Leo gets weird about people knowing he's a foster kid, he might not talk to you while anybody else is near, he certainly didn't talk to me…”

“Oh.”

Donnie stared out the window as the school came into view. The car came to a stop and Splinter turned to look at him, “I know school might be a scary thing but it'll be good to see other kids and learn some new things! Go have a good day and I'll be in this exact spot waiting for you when it's over, okay?”

“Okay…”

-

When Raph entered the car again, he could sense the tension.

It didn't help with the already built-up anxiety inside of him, the energy that already gave him two panic attacks. One in the car before school, his dad having to calm him down, and another in the bathrooms, where he once again called his dad for help.

He didn't like middle school. There were people older and bigger than him, who seemed to notice his constant worry lines and made fun of him because of his conflicting appearance. He was alone, nobody to sit with during lunch, nobody to talk to during break, nobody at all. He hated being lonely, it made him feel like he was out of his body, switching off, on the verge of breaking into a meltdown. Everything was different, he was expected not to hate that everything was different and he was finding it very hard to be brave. But he kept strong, especially when he got into the car, not wanting his brothers to see him upset. He should be an example!

Mikey was in his car seat, babbling about what he did today, Raph tried to listen but he was talking way too fast. Leo was unusually quiet, his forehead against the window and his arms crossed against his chest tightly. And Donnie, well it was difficult to say as he had his hood up and purposely hiding his face, though Raph could swear he could see a glimpse of wet eyelashes and red eyes.

Suddenly, the car came to a stop and the foster boy immediately jumped out, grabbed his bag and stormed into the house.

Raph followed, despite his dad asking for them to wait. Up the stairs to the bathroom with the door still slammed open. He accidentally gasps before he can stop himself at the sight of Donnie. He had been crying, now sniffling as he tried to pull out what seemed to be a piece of gum from his curly hair.

The boy barked out when he noticed him, “What do you want?”

“D-Don't try to pull it! You'll just make it worse!” Raph quickly explained, taking a step forward.

Donnie looked in the mirror with a sullen expression, “...Is it that bad…?”

The oldest pursed his lips, getting close enough to reach his hand forward to his tightly curled hair, slow enough that Donnie could duck away, but he didn’t. He inspected it before saying, “It’s not too bad, with some time I can get it out without having to cut or pull any hair out!... Can I?”

The boy, still sniffling, nodded.

Raph grabbed a stool used so Mikey could reach the sink and hair products from the cabinet. Just as Donnie sat down, Dad stepped into the doorway, “Why have you boys- Oh-... Oh, Donatello…”

Don crossed his arms against his chest, huffing his cheeks and turning his head away.

“Dad, uh- Could you help?”

“He can’t help!” The boy snapped, “He won’t know what he’s doing!”

“But uh…” Raph holds the hair oil in his hands, unsure of what to do, “But I don’t know what I’m doing! Dad’s the one that does my hair.”

Donnie’s mouth opened ajar before eyes darting to his foster father who uttered, “I learned how to do Raphael’s hair when I adopted him. If you are okay with it, I can help and maybe you can tell me who did this-”

“No!” The youngest barked before backtracking, “Uh- I… I don’t want to talk about who did it, just please help me. If-If you can and are willing-”

“Of course,” Splinter grabbed a brush and walked to the side of the boy, keeping his hands in view, “Raph, do you want to stay and help?”

He vigorously nodded. They got to work, slowly getting the gum out of his hair without pulling too much, trying not to make it too sensory horrible for the foster boy. He swayed his feet, kicking them against the stool, his hands fiddling with his hoodie strings, biting his lip that was scabbed and rough. He scrunched up his face when fingers lingered on his scalp for too long, his voice trembling when he said, “So- when did you adopt Raph?”

It was clearly an attempt to get his mind off the sensation of data collection. Raph decided to indulge in the distraction, “I was uh… very young, maybe four?”

“Five, so six years ago and bit!” Splinter said proudly.

“Yeah!”

Donnie hummed, “What- What happened to you before?”

Raphael hesitated. Suddenly feeling a tight clenching around his chest, a suffocating grip around his throat.

“Hey, Raphie, you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to, you know this,” His dad whispered, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“I know but I want to, I… I think, yeah!” The older boy said, “I mean, I don’t really remember much. I remember being in a room on my own a lot, there was a door but it was always locked no matter how much I tried to open it, I remember being cold, hungry, and scared. I didn’t like being on my own… Sometimes when I am lonely it is like I am in that room again...”

The room was quiet, movement frozen, like time had stopped himself as all attention was on him.

“I am glad that Dad found me…”

His father gave him a tight side hug before finally pulling out the piece of gum, much to Donnie’s relief, he practically jumped out of the stool as he ran his fingers through his hair with a grin, “Thank you! Thank you!”

The other two looked at each other with pride as the foster boy beamed brighter than he had since he arrived. They eventually came back down to watch Jupiter Jim with Leo and Mikey, dad even made popcorn and let everybody have takeaway pizza as a reward for going to school. Don even sat next to him, something he never would have done before, his protective shield coming down bit by bit. Mikey was by his other side, putting his entire weight onto him as Leo sat on the floor in front of him, tapping his leg when something cool happened with a toothy smile.

Raph wouldn’t ever be alone again…

Chapter Text

Donnie woke up groggily.

He hadn’t slept very well because his mom had a few friends over the previous night, talking and laughing so loud it cut through his headphones. Turning them up any higher would give him a headache so he resigned himself to starting up at the ceiling until the early hours of the morning when things finally got quiet.

Despite the burning of his eyes and the ache in his bones, he got up at 7 am, as he did every day, and got ready for the day. Grabbing the purple hoodie he had worn every day for the past week, he shrugged it on, making sure it hid the marks on his arms that his mother didn’t like.  It was a routine he'd had for a while, he liked his routine. It didn’t smell good though, he would have to wash it, he hated doing the laundry, mainly because he hated being away from his comfort item for so long. He hoped there was detergent in the house,  if not he could buy a smaller bottle as his weak nerd arms always struggled with the weight.

With an uneasy feeling in his stomach, Donnie opened up his bedroom door and stepped into the living room.

-

“So, at exactly 10:35 am, we are gonna get in the car and head over to a local park where your mom and the social worker will be, eta around 10:50 to 10:55. It shouldn’t be too busy as it is a school day but I think you should bring your headphones anyway. You are not expected to do anything, whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Donnie listened as he tried to get his foot into his shoes. Splinter had quickly learned that the way to calm the boy down was with information and had been using it non-stop, Donnie hated that it was working. He was seeing his mom for the first time in a long while, maybe a month, he hated that he didn’t have the exact date and time. He also hated the fact that he was nervous, his stomach filled with wasps and his throat closed up. This was his mom, he shouldn’t be nervous! He should be excited, jumping off the walls, but all he couldn’t stop but worry about if she would hate him if he had changed too much if he would be annoying and if she would want nothing to do with him-

“I know you struggle eating breakfast so I got you this smoothie, it is flavourless but if you don’t like it that’s okay,” Splinter passed him a small bottle. Hesitantly, he opened it up and took a sip, before rapidly having another. The texture was perfect, the taste was non-existence. He didn’t get a chance to thank the man before he was talking again, “Would you like some help?”

Snapping back to reality, he realized he had unsuccessfully been trying to shove his foot into his pre-tired shoes for the past few minutes. With an embarrassed huff, he hesitantly admitted, “I can do it, I just- I don’t know how to tie my laces.”

“That’s okay! It took Raph until he was 9 to fully get it,” Splinter kneeled and helped him out, “I’ll help you learn another day if you want.”

Donnie slowly and carefully nodded as they stood up, making their way to the car. On route to the park where his mother was waiting for him…

-

The air was musty and stale.

It smelt awful in here. Like the familiar scent of vomit and booze. Looking over to the connected living room he saw a bottle split on the table, most certainly making it sticky, he would hate cleaning that… He also notices a woman, his mother’s friend, asleep on the couch, mouth ajar and a soft snore the only sound in the room. Except for dripping from the kitchen sink… 

Donnie treaded quietly on his tiptoes as he made his way into the kitchen, his stomach rumbling painfully.

On the floor, he sees his mom. Passed out on the tiles that were cold on his bare feet.

She wasn’t moving.

Her eyes blank and a raspy breath struggled to exit her pale lips-

-

When they stepped out of the car it was 10:52, a close enough estimate to what Splinter had told him.

And true to his word, it wasn’t that busy, only a few dog walkers and an old couple on a distant bench so he decided to keep his headphones around his neck, knowing that his mom always thought he wasn’t listening when he was wearing them. His hands were shaking, his heart was pounding, why was he so scared?

Before he could start walking, Splinter called out, “Hey, I got you something.”

He motioned for the boy to open up his hands and carefully placed a few plastic trinkets. There was a variety of them, one was a box with buttons and sliders, another he could roll in his hand, each with different things to click and pop. Confused, he looked up at his foster dad.

“It’s for you to fidget with, you can put them in your pocket if you don’t want to do it in front of people but whenever you feel like holding your head tightly or feel nervous, you can use these instead.”

The corners of his lips lifted and Donnie quickly tried to suppress it. It was just some plastic toys, it shouldn’t make him this happy. But Splinter had gotten these for him so he would feel better…

Before he could unpack these emotions, they began walking towards a bench where two people were sitting and talking. One he instantly recognised as his social worker and the other was his mother-

He stopped in his tracks, a tight grip around his chest and a sudden need to vomit surging through him. He swallowed it down but found he was frozen in place, unable to move. He looked at the woman who had the face of his mom but a part of him knew felt it wasn’t her. That was illogical, of course, it was her. Why couldn’t he move? Move, move, move!

The two adults spotted them and approached even though Donnie didn’t want them to.

They were talking to him, he knew they were but it was like there was a mistranslation in his brain, making everything sound as if it was static, unable to decipher anything. He couldn’t stop looking at her. Her skin was healthier, her hair had grown, smiling. She was smiling . She rarely ever did that-

His vision was playing tricks on him. Her skin grew pale, her eyes becoming distant and glassed over, her smile into a drooling snarl, making her look like a corpse walking. He was scared of her-

An abrupt sob came from him and he buried his face into somewhere safe, the sweater of Splinter where he cowed and cried. He hoped the man would protect him from her, take him away, he didn’t want to be here !

“Okay, okay, it’s going to be okay,” A soft voice whispered, cutting through the fog in his head, “We can go…”

He could feel the weight of the world fall off his shoulders at those simple words, the tight band around his chest lifting but still sniffling with tears on his cheeks. He can go back home…

-

Donnie sprung to action because he knew better than to call for help.

His mother had told him countless times not to call an ambulance unless she wasn’t breathing. So, he did his checkup instead like he did every time he found her like this.

He checked her temperature, she was cold and clammy. Her heartbeat was slow but that could be because she was asleep. Her breathing was… slower. But she was still breathing, did that mean she was okay? Of course, she had to be okay. He didn’t want to get his mom in trouble, going to a hospital was the last thing he could do after everything else failed.

He tried to wake her up, shaking her body but nothing seemed to even spur a murmur or reaction from her.

His voice cracks when he whines out, “Come on- Wake up, wake up!”

A tear drops onto her dead unconscious face. When did he start crying? Why was he crying? Everything was fine, she was still breathing, and her heart hadn’t stopped so that meant she was alive. She was okay…

Donnie pushed her over to her side and poured a glass of water for her to have when she woke up. He grabbed a pillow from the couch, nearly waking up her friend in the process and placed it under her head to try and ease any neck cramps or headaches. He hoped that it was enough…

Feeling hollow, he auto-piloted back to his room, fear taking hold of his heart for reasons he couldn’t comprehend and found that when he blinked it was like he could see her body lying there, her eyes staring at him-

He sat on his bed and waited. For what he didn’t know. Maybe for his mother to wake up, maybe something else. He had completely forgotten to get breakfast.

It didn’t matter. He wasn’t really hungry anymore…

-

Donnie was watching TV when his brother returned from school, Splinter pausing soothing him to pick them up.

As soon as Leo bounded into the house, he jumped onto the couch with him, “How was it?”

Donatello didn’t know what to say. That he had freaked out for no reason, hurt his mom’s feelings, made a fool out of himself, and was now sitting in his own misery and guilt? No, definitely not. Instead, he grunted, switching the channel in the comfort of a weighted blanket Splinter had gotten out for him. Surprisingly, Leo accepted that answer, not really an answer, and watched stuff with him, talking about his day at school and what he had missed.

He didn’t have to think about it until it was only Splinter and Donnie in the kitchen, Don helping him bring plates of food to the table.

“You did well today. I know it might not seem like it but you stood your ground and told me that you wanted to leave, that’s a good thing,” His foster dad hummed as he ladled soup into a bowl, “This is a long journey of hopefully going back to stay with your mom again, it’s okay to be scared of change.”

Donnie should be happy, should be excited at that news when he returned to the table with his brothers all laughing and talking as they waited for dinner, all he could feel was dread because…

Because he didn’t want to leave.

Chapter Text

Old Designs (sorry again for the quality)

New Designs! (in age order)

I tried my best and I'm pretty happy with the results! I also want to put here some trivia of the characters that I don't think I could put into the story so here is a treat!

Raphael Hamato

He has tried out for sports before but found them too aggressive and felt bad about tackling people so quit quickly after, but he still got to keep the football helmet and sometimes puts it on or on Mikey when he's roughhousing.

All his brothers at some point take a piece of his clothing, old or new, either for comfort due to the over-sized fit (Don) or they don't have anything else to wear and Raph's clothes are cooler (Leo), or because they want something to remind them of Raph even when they are apart (Mikey).

He loves Ghost Bear, a wrestler he watches on TV and knows how to do his special move.  The last time he did it on a pillow and destroyed it. Splinter has since banned wrestling in the house.

Leonardo Tartaruga

His last name means turtle in Italian.

He has been rocking the same pair of jeans since he was five years old. Yes, they totally still fit him, he's showing off his ankles on purpose! Most of his clothes give him red indents on his skin from being too tight but he can't throw them away even when they rip or get stained. He is deeply sentimental about everything and a part of his brain doesn't know when he'll get new clothes, despite knowing he is safe and cared for fully in the house he's in.

Donatello Amato

Amato is a family name of Italian origin, meaning "beloved" or "dear one".

When he finds out about Atomic Lass he becomes obsessed and rewatches every single episode over and over again, sitting in the same spot for days until Splinter drags him away to get some sun, hissing and kicking. When he's older he still watches the episodes when he's having a bad day or it is late at night, able to recite each word perfectly.

Despite Leo being a few weeks older than him, he is a single inch taller. When he finds out, it is his most treasured knowledge, mentioning it every chance he gets, calling Leo his 'little brother' just to get a reaction from him. Leo starts wearing thick shoes when he's older, Don sees this and the next day buys six-inch platform boots. Splinter stops the battle right there and then.

Michelangelo Hamato

Michael carries out handfuls of art supplies in his front pouch just in case he gets a sudden spur of creativity and has to draw right now! He has also put his stuffed animals in there and taken them around on 'tourist tours' around the house. He is the most creative out of the brothers and when he is older takes part in music, drama (with Donnie), art, and dance, always having to do something.

He also likes to play therapist (something he learned from TV), roleplaying as Dr. Delicate Touch. Walking behind people and picking apart what they were doing psychologically with his dad's turtleneck folded countless times to fit until Splinter told him to stop.

Knows exactly how to hit the sweet spot with his brothers to get them to do what he wants, whether that be playing, fixing something, or sitting on top of your oldest brother's shoulders so you can sneak a treat from the top cabinet.

Chapter Text

Donnie’s eyes were dry.

They stung when he forced himself to blink, he was sure they were bloodshot as he stared at the TV, not really watching anything that was on it. 

Splinter had given him a few days off after his meeting with his mom, Donnie was grateful for that, he had no idea how he would cope with school with the way he was right now. Continuously drifting off, hours passing through his fingers as he finds himself staring blankly at nothing, leaving his body on the couch as his mind runs a rampage. 

The weighted blanket could only do so much to help him now. He felt guilty for thinking so horribly about his own mother but he liked it here. He felt safe sitting in the living room while Splinter was in the kitchen, making him lunch of a ham sandwich with the crusts cut off and a flavourless smoothie, watching cartoons as he waited for his brothers to come home. He could get used to this easily and hated that, he shouldn’t be getting so comfortable when he is going to be back with his mom soon, it’ll only hurt more to get attached. But this was simply something he couldn’t control, he was already attached…

He heard the rattling of the door before he even recognized that time had passed and before he knew it four boys were bounding through the house, loudly talking and kicking off their shoes. Donnie hated how he could feel himself relax at their commotion.

That calm quickly got taken from him when he saw that with his brothers was a woman and a girl, strangers he didn’t recognise.

Splinter came out of the kitchen with a smile, “Thank you so much for picking up my boys Carol, I really appreciate it.”

The woman simply waved her hand, “It’s no bother!”

Donnie observed from a distance as the girl, who must be her daughter due to the likeness, was talking to Raph like they were best friends. Excitedly gesturing and smiling wide. Even Leo and Mikey seemed to be part of the conversation, it was strange.

They came over to the couch and the girl sat on the armrest farthest away from him as his brothers crowded around him. Leo tapped on his blanket to get his attention, “That’s April, Raph’s new friend from school. Just so you’re in the loop”

He pointed to the girl who nervously waved. She had braces and a pair of red glasses. Cautiously, he waved back to her, unable to speak. She seemed nice enough for now, especially when she watched cartoons with them all and kept on talking about things he was interested in as well. Mostly he was glad that Raph now had somebody to hang out with when he was at school, he seemed a lot less stressed out.

She even made Donnie laugh once!

Maybe April was somebody he could invite into his social bubble in the future.

-

April and Carol had to leave eventually, but the boys stayed in the same place, watching cartoons on their couch.

Usually, Splinter would never let them watch cartoons this long but it seemed that for once the man needed a break and this was the best temporary solution as he was making dinner. Donnie could smell food wafting from the kitchen, it was wonderful. He liked having somebody make food for him, actual proper food that wasn’t canned or stale.

He liked the warm home full of blankets and LED candles instead of a cold house when his mom often forgot to pay for heating. He liked having the snack basket always available to him full of things he knows are for him only instead of his mom’s boyfriend getting upset at him for eating his food. He liked feeling loved unconditionally instead of cared for on a cracking ice rink, one step away from getting hurt again-

Donnie snapped back into reality.

He rolled up his arms and inspected the old scars on his arms, the cigarette burns from his mom’s boyfriend. They were old but it seemed that they would always be a part of him now. He remembered it hurt like hell. He remembered crying into his mom’s arms as she told the man to leave. Donnie remembered that he was back the next day. He felt like he was going crazy. Everything returned to normal. And then it would happen again.

“What are those?”

Leo went to grab his wrist but quickly retracted.

Don found that he was completely absent of thoughts, speechless, not even a defensive remark or explanation.

Leo stared at him for too long, biting on his cheek too much, eyes seemingly knowing everything without Donnie having to say anything, “You need to tell Splinter.”

The boy quickly shook his head.

“You have to, he’s gonna find out sooner or later, trust me,” Leo wouldn’t let it go, getting more frantic.

“No.”

Donnie hated how his voice quivered, how it broke and trembled. He hated how close he was to falling apart, his hands shaking, trying desperately to grip his hoodie until it hurt his knuckles to feebly ground himself. Stay together, keep it down-

Raph looked over and instantly understood. Why did he have to understand so quickly?

He opened his mouth and then closed it, again and again, before saying in a whisper, “You will be okay.”

“I know.” Donnie barked out.

They all looked at him with this aura of silent disbelief.

“I know…” He said again, more trying to prove it to himself than them.

-

Donnie watched Splinter as he worked in his room from the tiny crack in his door. He was doing some sort of paperwork, probably too busy for his silly problems but despite the shake in his legs, he opened up the door. Leo and Raph getting in his head, making things so difficult… 

When Splinter saw him he smiled, stopping everything he was doing to lean back in his chair and say, “Don, it is nice to see you.”

Now, Donatello had prided himself on being more articulate than the average seven-year-old, he always–almost always–thought before he talked, taking long periods to get his words together before even considering opening his mouth, and if they didn’t understand what he was trying to say then that was their problem. He had been thinking word for word exactly what he would say like a script before he opened that door.

‘Splinter, I want to tell you something about my mom.’

“Spl-” His tongue got tied up in knots, his mouth not working with him anymore. Take a deep breath, keep it down, stay in control.

His foster father’s shoulders tensed but he tried to keep a smile on his face. He stood up and sat down on his bed, patting the spot next to him. Not trying to upset him, Donnie followed suit, sitting down a bit away from him, a comfortable distance.

‘My mother’s boyfriend did morally questionable things and I am unsure who I can talk to.’ That seemed too forward, too blunt and brash, he was always told it was better to not be so abrupt with his information.

“It is okay, my boy, take as much time as you need to talk,” The man uttered like it was so easy. It wasn’t. It was like barbed wire was around his lungs, around his throat, tightening when he tried to get his voice box to work, despite how illogical it was.

‘I don’t know what to do. And for some reason, I feel safe around you.’ Too emotional.

His hands tightened, nails digging into his palms until he realized and grabbed a toy from his hoodie pocket, this one being one he could grip hard without it popping, perhaps filled with sand- He needed to focus, Splinter’s patience could only go so far.

‘I have been hurt before. I am afraid that I might get hurt again.’ Too vague.

“Splinter.”

Donnie started but when he looked up at the man, he found himself speechless. The care in his eyes, the worry in his face, the unmoveable patience that stood high and tall despite the minutes that had passed. He was a good person, somebody who thought that Donnie was worth so much more than he deserved.

“I don’t want to go home.”

And then he started to cry.

It was inevitable but somehow it still caught him by surprise. He fumbled about, grabbing onto the closest thing he could, Splinter’s hands and held on tight, trying to ground back to earth before he got taken over with so many emotions that he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.

He doesn’t want to go home. What an awful kid he was, after everything his mom had done for him, after every peaceful night spent watching TV together, the day trips his mom tried so hard to make with her jobs keeping her so busy. And Donnie didn’t want to go home.

The empty cabinets, the broken heater, the strangers in his safe space, the uncertainty and pain. Hungry, cold, lonely, and brotherless. And he… doesn’t want to go home…

"I know I’m a bad kid for even thinking this but- but she… Sh-she wasn't always...she wasn't always a good mom… But she loves me! She does, I-I know she does, she promised me that she would always love me. So why do I not want to go home…?" He blubbered, talking so fast that even he didn’t know what he was saying.

Splinter looked at him but his vision was so blurred from the tears that it was hard to tell his expression. No matter how many times he blinked, more tears would fall, an unstoppable force. Donnie felt hands squeeze his, firm enough to remind him that he was still alive, still here, still breathing.

“It’s okay…” the steady voice said, not a hint of hesitance, “You will be okay….”

Donnie broke apart. A scared child being protected for the first time.

Perhaps, Donnie might even believe him one day…

Chapter Text

Leo woke up with a spring in his step.

He had spent all night deciding how he was going to talk to Splinter. He had it all planned out to get the best results, he just had to pull it off. Like a heist or spy mission! Except less fun or action-packed…

He caught his foster dad early in the morning as he was making breakfast before school. Leo crept into the doorway, taking deep breaths and going over his lines before ripping off the bandage and barging in.

“Hey, uh-” He started but Splinter, swept off his feet, interrupted.

“Leo, hey, sorry but could you do me a favour and wake up your brothers? I think we’ll be setting off early for school as we’ll be picking up April after we drop off Mikey, okay?”

“Oh um… okay.”

That was fine. He had more chances today.

-

Leo had gotten his math test results back today.

It worked out perfectly! He had gotten a pass, not just a pass though, a high pass! 70%! It was his highest score yet as math was never his strongest suit. Splinter was sure to be so proud of him.

Leo gripped the paper tightly when he entered the car, “Hey guys, guess-”

“Leo! You won’t believe what Don got on his math test! Tell him!” Raph said, bouncing up and down in his chair, all grinning wide with excitement.

The boy’s cheeks were red, glowing in the praise, “It’s nothing-”

“It’s not nothing, it’s amazing!” Splinter beamed, “He got 100%! A perfect score!”

“I didn’t even try, it was the test, it was too easy,” Donnie tried to wave off as he held his own paper in his hands, the same as Leo with no red crosses…

Leo looked at his test before crumbling it up and throwing it into his messy backpack.

“Did you get your results back, Leo?” Splinter asked.

“Yeah, I passed. As Don said, it was nothing…” All the excitement he had before had been zapped out of him, any joy or pride he had was snuffed out.

“That’s great! I’m proud of you!”

It felt fake. It might have been because of the comparison but it felt forced, something to add just for the sake of adding it. The truth was that Leo would probably never be as smart as Donnie. He knew math equations that Leo couldn’t dream of, he was reading years ahead of anybody his age, and he could probably solve time travel in his sleep. And Leo was Leo. Stupid, dumb Leo…

-

After chance after chance of his plans falling through, he tries a different approach.

The truth was that right now he wanted to prove himself more than he wanted to prove himself to Splinter. After having his drawing be worse than Mikey’s, somebody years younger than him, and Donnie destroying him in the math test he’s been studying for with very little effort, he needed a win and something to prove that he was good at anything. He knew it was silly but he couldn’t get those awful thoughts out of his head.

In the backyard, the boys were playing basketball. And by that he meant Raph was practising his shots while Mikey and Donnie sat by the sides, too small or too tired to play, giving the occasional whoop and cheer when he scored.

Perfect. Basketball was his thing!

“Hey! Let me play!” He said with a cocky smirk.

“Uh… okay,” Raph shrugged, throwing him the ball.

They played for a while but the same thing would happen over and over again. Leo would get the ball but before he could throw it would just get knocked out of his hands and then Raph would be able to easily score because he was taller and stronger. The sound of his brothers cheering was like a grater to his ears. When it got to 18-1, he felt himself getting hot in the head.

“You’re so amazing… Congrats...” He couldn’t keep down the bubbling bile of jealousy from rising any longer.

“Come on Leo, don’t be a sore loser.”

“He didn’t do anything!”

Donnie rolled his eyes, arms crossed across his chest, “I get it, you’re upset you lost so you want everybody else to be upset as well but it won’t work.”

That was the last straw for him.

“You don’t get it! None of you do!”

Before he knew it, his voice was getting higher and it was getting harder to see through the angry tears in his eyes. He threw the ball so hard at the ground that it went flying.

“It’s not just basketball! It’s everything ! It’s drawing, and- and math tests, and every single thing, you guys do better! I’m nothing like you guys! I-I’m dumb and mean and weak, I don’t know why I ever thought you guys would want me around when I’m this much of a nobody. Not even my parents wanted me! Why does nobody want me ?!” 

His throat hurt from how loud he was screaming. Tears dripped down his face, his blotchy and bizarre face that made him different from everybody else, another thing that was on the list of differences he had from others. And he found that he wasn’t even angry anymore, he was just tired…

“I always think, this time- this time it'll be different- they will be different but it’s not! It’s the same thing every time! Am I the problem? Am I… a bad kid?”

He was more talking to himself now, all his thoughts that had been bottled up for who even knows how long now overflowing out of him with no control.

The boys all looked at him with pity. Horrible pity that made him feel even worse.

With a huff, he ran inside, ignoring the calls of his brothers to instead sulk in his bed, trying to get rid of the guilt he felt for being a terrible brother. Why was he like this…?

-

Splinter didn’t have to turn his head to see who was at the bottom of the stairs.

Leo was wrapped up in his duvet, his face tired and eyebrows stitched together. There were bags under his eyes, it wasn’t right for a boy so young.

As quiet as a mouse, he crept over to the couch where Splinter had taken over for the night after all the boys had gone to sleep, trying to quell the daily troubles with trashy television. Perhaps it was for the best that Leo showed up when he did because if not he would have just watched mind-numbing media over and over and over again… He really needed to call his therapist again, if he didn’t have help around him he wouldn’t know where he would be.

Trying to force a smile on his face, he whispered, “Hey blue… nightmare?”

Leo shook his head.

“...couldn’t sleep?”

He nodded, slowly.

Splinter let out a sigh accidentally before patting the couch seat beside him. He was expecting this after hearing about the argument early today. He was unable to get the boy to leave his room to eat, being as stubborn as usual. No matter how many times this happened, it never changed how upsetting it was. He knew Leo bounced across houses for longer than he could remember, he knew bits and pieces of what he had gone through, neglect and abuse he had to endure but Splinter knew there would be many more things Leo wouldn’t ever tell him, things that don’t do documented. Leo didn’t have to tell him anything though to know that what he needed most right now was an adult to care.

But Leo didn’t move.

“Come on, I’ll even let you choose the channel-”

“Are you tired of me yet?”

The man looked over to see that there were tears in those baby-blue eyes.

Splinter acted fast, standing up and kneeling in front of the foster boy, arms open wide. It doesn’t even take a second for Leo to pounce into the embrace, tears soaking into his shoulder and he breaks down, putting his entire weight onto the man, “Please- Please don’t make me leave- I-I like it here-”

“No, no, Leo-” Splinter held onto him tighter, “You don’t have to go anywhere, you can stay here as long as you like.”

“R-Really?”

The boy leaned back and Splinter took the chance to wipe away the tears from his red face, lip pouting and eyes sparkling. He ran a hand through Leo’s hair, “Yes. Nobody is coming to take you away, you’re safe here…”

Leo tried to talk through the tears, “I-... I don’t want to lose you guys- I’m not good enough- not good at anything at all- I’m stupid- and- and-”

“Leo, look at me, okay? Can you look at me?”

He’s shaking so much and keeps on sharply inhaling through gritted teeth, hiccuping, trying to stop crying rather than keeping conscious. Splinter holds him up as he tries to steady his breathing.

“You’ve got this. Breathe in… and out…”

Over and over again until the tears down his cheeks weren’t dripping down his chin, standing still. They were wiped away by Splinter’s thumb, carefully and gently. Leo looked at him like he had just saved him.

“I wanted you to adopt me.”

Splinter was taken aback, left speechless for longer than he should have been.

“That’s what I was trying to tell you this morning but I realised that I’m not as good as your other kids- your proper kids. I don’t deserve to be here. I’m nothing, nothing at all… But I really really don’t want to leave, that’s two reallys. I like it here. I like you as my foster dad and- I like this family… I thought- maybe I could be a part of it… Even if I don’t belong.”

The man opened his mouth, then closed it. He could see the boy’s demeanour be crushed by every second.

“Leo- I have been thinking about it,” He quickly blurted out, “I like you being here, the boys like you. You light up this house with your energy and I would like nothing more than for you to stay…”

“But…?” Leo muttered, spoken so dejected as if he was expecting it.

“You’ve been in the system for a long time so I’m going to tell you straight up that it is a long process. It’s not all in my control, it is social workers and courtrooms, all trying to figure out what is best for you. It could take a year, maybe longer, and it might not get accepted. I can’t make any promises but… If you want, I will start to talk to your social worker about adoption as I would love for you to become a permanent part of our family… Is that something you would like?”

Leo frantically nodded, jumping right back into a hug where the waterworks started all over again, saying ‘thank you’ over and over again until it wasn’t a word anymore—crying more out of happiness than despair.

And perhaps Splinter shed a tear himself that night…

Chapter Text

Splinter opened his eyes to a dark room.

Through his thin curtains, he could see the moonlight, he couldn’t have been more than a few hours since he went to sleep. His ears were ringing- Wait, no, that wasn’t his ears.

Groggily, he grabbed his phone which was one more buzz away from falling off his nightstand. The ID showed that it was Donnie’s social worker. Splinter quickly accepted it before it went to voicemail.

“Mm- hello?” His voice sounded awful, when was the last time he had water?- Focus!

“Sorry for calling you so late Mr Hamato but I’ve got some news regarding Donatello’s mother.”

“...oh, okay…”

-

Donnie was sitting around the table with his brothers.

They were eating cereal as despite it being the weekend, Splinter hadn’t shown face, not to wish them a good morning nor to make breakfast. Nobody seemed too concerned, however.

“He might have talked to m- uh M-O-M, he always gets really upset afterwards,” Raph explains, spelling out the word with a slight bat of his eye to Mikey who was half-asleep.

“Upset?” Donnie questioned.

“He stays in bed a lot but is still really tired, doesn’t do much but still tries to take care of us. He’s… not himself for a bit…” Raph muttered, his eyebrows furrowed together so tight they created a large crease, “I help him sometimes, I make breakfasts!”

Leo gently elbowed him, “Don’t worry, It rarely lasts more than a day or two, he won’t stop looking after us and still loves us, he’s just got his own adult stuff going on.”

Don nodded before staying silent afterwards, forcing a spoon of cereal in his mouth but it left a bad taste. The bad taste was familiar, like deja vu.

If on cue, a figure emerged from down the stairs, slowly and hunching like a beast. Splinter was wearing a housecoat and his slippers, like he had just rolled out of bed, he looked like that as well with bed hair and eye bags. He couldn’t manage his usual smile when he mumbled, “Sorry boys for being so late… uh… Don- Your- The social worker will be here soon to talk to us, is that… are you okay?”

Donnie quirked an eyebrow, “I suppose… Are you?”

Splinter grumbled something under his breath before darting to the kitchen, the coffee machine turned on soon after. That was strange…

“Blegh, social workers… I wouldn’t want to be in your boots,” Leo wrinkled his nose.

“...I’m not wearing any boots.”

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

Splinter appeared from the kitchen and blurted out, “You all stay here. Raph, make sure they don’t go into the living room.”

“Okay…” The boy said slowly.

The room was filled with silence, unsure of what to say.

“Do you think my mom is dead?”

Everyone nearly snapped their necks to stare at Donnie, bug-eyed. Raph put his ears over Mikey’s in an overprotective manner. Leo spluttered, “What?! No!”

“It’s a fair observation,” He quickly explained, “My social worker shows up every Sunday, it’s Saturday. Splinter seemed upset and couldn’t look me in the eye, implying that there was bad news to share that he didn’t know how to say. So either she is back in the hospital or dead.”

The boys all shared a worried glance.

“Data collection… it calms me down when I’m worried.”

Leo huffs, “Your mom is fine, DonDon, your brain is making things a lot worse than it is. Mine does that all the time, I worry and then it all turns out okay and I spend so much energy worrying for no reason!”

“Yeah! They probably just had to reschedule the days because something came up!” Raph tried to reason but nothing could budge the terrible tight knot in his stomach.

“Donnie…?”

Splinter’s voice got their attention.

He stood in the doorway, looking right at the boy. He looked to have aged ten years. Don nodded and got up from his chair, silently following him into the living room where his social worker was sitting on the footstool with a dozen papers in her lap. Splinter sat down on the couch and patted to his side to sit. He did, a terrible anxiety pumping through his heart.

“Hey Donatello, how are we doing today?” The woman asked, he never did care to remember her name, more out of spite than any actual bitter feelings.

He shrugged.

“How are your brothers? Mr Hamato tells me you’ve been getting along with-”

“Is my mom dead?”

Their eyes widened.

“No- No, she is not. Why-Why do you ask?”

“I know there is bad news so I thought I would get the worst-case scenario out of the way first.”

The social worker anxiously fidgets with her papers, completely taken by surprise, “...Right, well-... I do have some news about your mom that uh- it is sad news-”

“Is she in the hospital again? Did she relapse? Does that affect her visitation rights?” He was getting impatient, why did they have to stall so much? He could take the news, no matter what it was, it was hurting him more just not knowing.

Nobody could look at him.

“Does this have to do with her missing all of her visits? Did I… upset her?”

“No, of course not, you didn’t do anything wrong,” the social worker quickly said.

He felt so confused. He had exhausted every option!

“Donnie?” Splinter spoke up for the first time.

“Yeah?”

The man took his hand and placed it over the boy’s, holding it securely but loose enough that he could pull away if he wanted to. Donnie didn’t.

“So, your mom… she did relapse,” Splinter talked slow, careful, like he was treading on broken glass, “She’s okay, she was able to leave the hospital the next morning but she has made the difficult decision to… to… let me take care of you, on a more… long-term basis…”

“Long-term…? How long?”

“What I’m trying to say is that unfortunately, your mom can’t be your parent anymore and you won’t be returning home anymore…”

“Won’t be… going home?”

The pieces suddenly click and it is like his heart got ripped out.

“She… She gave up her parental rights?”

Donnie had been researching fostering ever since he got hold of the tablet, managing to get past the locks to search up everything he had questions about. He knew his mom would have to do so much to get him back but he never considered for a second that she would give up. That she would give up on him…

“I want you to know that it's okay to feel all sorts of emotions right now. It's normal to feel sad, confused, or even angry. I feel sad too, and it's okay for us to talk about our feelings,” The woman’s voice was grating and irritating, getting underneath his skin.

He didn’t feel anything. He felt numb- He felt- He didn’t have the words to express the way he felt and that lack of knowledge was a heavy burden on his back. What was this feeling? Pain? No, he hadn’t suffered any injuries, so why did he hurt so much?

“Don?”

The hand around his squeezed, bringing him back.

“It’s going to be okay… I’m still here…”

He feels like he’s dying, a part of himself being ripped away. Hope? His future? Why did he feel so hollow?

He felt a tear roll down his cheek but didn’t have the strength to wipe it away.

“She-”

His voice was scratchy, crumbling around the seams, barely even audible.

“She told me that she loved me…”

The tears kept on coming, a silent cry.

“She-She promised- She promised she would always love me- What- What did I do?”

"This is not your fault. Sometimes, adults have to make very hard choices, and it doesn't mean they don't love you-" That woman’s voice, he hated it. He hated it all.

“You’re lying!”

“It’s not your fault…” Splinter soothed.

“You’re a liar! You’re lying!”

“It’s not your fault, I promise…”

He stopped listening after a while. He couldn’t listen anymore. They were all liars. If the one person he knew would always love him could leave him so easily, why would he listen to people he’s known for not even a twentieth of the time he’s had his mom?

Donnie knew he was being irrational but how are you meant to behave when something like this happens? He didn’t know because this was never something he had planned. He had much sooner thought she was dead than that she just didn’t want to see him. It wasn’t even an option. It shouldn’t have been an option…

At some point, the woman left and it was just Splinter and him.

He barely even whispers when he asks, “Do you want your brothers?”

He nods so fast it makes his head hurt.

They all come in quietly and sit around him. Raph had his headphones and gently placed them next to him, Mikey had a fidget toy and placed it in his hands, and Leo stayed by him. Hesitantly, he asked, “Do you… want a hug?”

Donnie surprised himself and nodded.

In an instant, Leo wrapped his arms around him tightly and soon all of them were squeezing him, keeping him grounded.

Leo whispers, “We're not going anywhere, we're not gonna leave you alone…”

Donnie's heart breaks all over again.

“Dad…?” Don hears somebody say, “Can we all stay in the living room tonight?”

“...of course.”

-

Splinter got all the blankets and pillows in the house and placed them all in the living room.

The three boys enjoyed making piles and a blanket fort for them all to lay under as the adult made them hot chocolates and put movies on the TV. Don couldn't deny that it didn't distract him. Watching Leo and Raph recreate scenes from Jupiter Jim and also watching a movie that Splinter had starred in, a subtitled old movie that Mikey loved screaming the catchphrase. He didn't even know that Splinter was an actor, though it did make sense as the man rarely went to work, most of his money saved from his older gigs when he was younger.

But the distractions could only go for so long. Soon, Mikey will fall asleep with his mouth open, Leo will keep saying that he's still awake with his eyes closed and Splinter will fight down yawns in his armchair. Soon, the TV is turned off and everyone is snoring around him while Donnie stares up at the ceiling, his chest hollow and his head a havoc, thoughts chaotic and rampant.

He feels- No, he knows that it was his fault no matter how many times people tell him that it wasn't. 

He thinks about what he could have done to deserve this and returns with a list.

It could have been when he freaked out during their last visit, making her feel bad and as if Donnie didn't love her. It could have been the fact he nearly killed her, he should have somehow known the symptoms of an overdose but he didn't and left her with a pillow and water. If her friend hadn't woken up and called the ambulance, she would have died, maybe she thinks that he's dumb and irresponsible. Maybe it was when he complained about being hungry too much or made weird noises when he was excited, or when he would scare away her past boyfriends or make them mad by screaming and crying. He was an annoying, loud, overbearing, and stupid crybaby.

But he could prove her wrong.

“...Don?”

Donnie looked over to the only other person awake, Raphael. He looked to be close to unconsciousness but kept himself awake for unknown reasons. His misfitting tooth biting on his lip, eyebrows scrunched up to make worry lines on his forehead.

“Can I… tell you a story?”

He was whispering so quietly that Donnie had to shuffle over to hear. Curiosity got the better of him and he nodded.

“When I was little, not long after dad became well, my dad, he met… someone,” his words felt forced like he was straining to say them, “She worked with him and they liked each other so he introduced her to me. She was nice, she called me ‘turtley-boo’ because I used to love turtles and I called her Mama.”

Raph held his teddy bear close to his chest, “A year passes and she gives me Mikey. We were this happy family and then well… she started getting mean…”

“She used to play these games where she would trick me or-or make me look stupid, I could never win no matter what I did. She didn't like Mikey very much even though he was just a baby. Dad and she used to argue a lot…”

“And then… one day… she left me and Mikey alone.”

Donnie tensed up watching his brother shake. His eyes grew wet and glossy, his lip quivering like he was reliving a bad dream.

“Dad was at work and I was only little, I-I didn't know how to get to him. It was just me and Mikey, he was crying so much I didn't know what to do-” his voice crumbled to inaudibility, “I shut down for a long time. And then dad got home and everything was okay again…”

“Mama came home eventually and even though we were upstairs I could still hear them yelling really loud…” Raph wiped away his tears, letting only a few shed before taking a deep breath, “I never saw her again after that…”

“I didn't understand what was going on at the time. Dad never liked to talk about it and Mikey doesn't really remember so I had to put the pieces together myself. It took a long time for me to realise that it wasn't Dad's fault, or Mikey’s, or mine. It was a bad thing that happened and the only person that could have done anything was Ma- her. Sometimes people do bad things for no reason.”

Raph fiddled with the button eye on his bear with a lost look in his own eyes, “I still get upset some days that she didn't even say goodbye… even if she did hurt me…”

A long silence filled the room.

Donnie realises that he should say something, “Thank you… for telling me that.”

“I want you to know-” Raph yawned, “that you're not alone… okay…? I understand what it's like to feel if you had done something different things would be better but trust me they wouldn't have been. You can't change the past so don't worry yourself trying to fix it…”

“...Thanks Raph.”

“No problem…” The boy yawned again, “Good night DonDon…”

“...goodnight…”

Chapter Text

Leo had nightmares often.

A few nights a week he would wake up in a cold sweat and fear tugging on his heart. Most of the time, he couldn’t even remember what it was about, just the aftermath of emotions, sometimes he vaguely remembers overlooking figures, hands gripping him too tight, and loud noises. He remembers cramped spaces and kids being scared, unable to do anything about it as he’s pushed away by an invisible force.

Tonight, he feels like a heavyweight is crushing him, keeping him down as he tries to scream but no noise comes out. He tries to call out to his brothers but they aren’t there, nobody is, he’s on his own, alone, lonely, again.

When he opens up his eyes, he’s relieved.

Nowadays, when he has a nightmare he looks over to his foster brother and is reminded that everybody is still here, he’s safe now. If things are really bad he might grab his pillow and sneak into Splinter’s room, falling asleep on the floor in case somebody tries to take him away in his dreams as the man would be there to protect him.

He sits up and sees Mikey and Raph surround him, huddled up in a blanket pile and sleeping soundly, safe and sound. His foster dad is sleeping close by on the couch, snoring, a comforting sound…

Wait, one, two, three-

“Don?” He whispers in a hurried voice, head spinning in hopes of finding his brother.

He sees a purple shadow in the distance. He squints his eyes and sees Donnie hunched over his duffle bag like a deer in headlights. They silently stare at each other for decades, before, “What… are you-”

“Shh!” Donnie whispered, before putting his headphones in the bag, zipping it up and putting it on his shoulder.

“Where are you going?”

He doesn’t have anything, proceeding to pull back the curtain around the back porch door, using the couch poof to reach a high-up hook holding a key, his small hands barely able to grasp onto it. When Donnie tightened the straps on his duffle bag and started unlocking the door the pieces finally clicked in his sleep-exhausted brain. In a flash, he grabbed the boy’s wrist, who struggled under the touch, “Don’t go.”

“You can’t stop me.”

“I’ll scream,” Leo quickly threatened, fear pumping through his heart, “I’ll wake everyone up.”

Donnie purses his lips.

“Where are you going?” He asks again.

“To see my mom. I want closure.”

“Wha- What’s closure?”

“It’s… It’ll make me feel better.”

Leo hated this. He didn’t want to let him go, he didn’t want to lose him, he’s already lost so many people in his life…

“Let me come with you.”

Donnie opens his mouth to argue but when Leo takes a deep breath in to start screaming he frantically whispers, “Fine! Follow.”

The boy opened up the back door barely a slither and shimmied through. Leo didn’t want to run away, just the thought made him feel sick. But he wasn’t running away, he knew he was going to come back when Donnie got coal-sure, he was making sure that his brother was safe, that couldn’t possibly get him in trouble, right? Not daring to look back at his family, he forced his feet into his pair of shoes by the door leftover from when he was playing in the yard and followed his brother, shutting the door quietly behind him.

It was freezing outside. He was only wearing his Jupiter Jim pyjamas, the wind seemed to go right through them and left goosebumps on his skin.

Leo shivered as he watched Donnie start putting things on top of each other to jump over the fence around the yard. It was very precarious and when he stepped onto the tower on top of the plastic toy house his knees shook, “How are we going to get back over the fence when we come back?”

Donnie took a long time to answer, “We’ll figure it out later.”

Something about this wasn’t right but Leo kept his mouth shut anyway.

They jumped over the fence and landed on the pavement as Donnie took the lead, “How do you know where to go?”

“I used to walk home from school, so if I follow the path we drive to school, I can work it out from there.”

“Right, right…”

Seeing the area in darkness was strange, the only light from the street lights as all the lights in windows were turned off. Leo wondered if they were the only ones awake in the world. Well, the only people awake, he could hear owls in trees and stray cats walking on the empty roads, looking at them with curious eyes.

Leo wrapped his arms around his torso tightly, trying to keep any heat as he began to see his breath.

Suddenly, Donnie stopped in the middle of the pavement. He took off his duffle bag and placed it on the ground before pulling off his hoodie, handing it to Leo, “Are- Are you sure? This is like- your favourite thing.”

“I know,” Don hummed before unzipping his bag and started rummaging through it, “But it should keep you warm. I have other hoodies anyway.”

He pulled out a black zip-up hoodie Leo didn’t recognize and tugged it on. Leo didn’t like not seeing him wear something purple, it felt unnatural seeing as he lived in this hoodie. When he pulled it over his head it was still warm from the boy, “Thanks man, I appreciate it…”

Leo then has a thought.

“Did you pack everything with you?”

His duffle bag was very full. He could see the toy set underneath a pair of jeans and his toothbrush could be seen with his school notebooks. Donnie quickly zipped it up, “Of course, you can never know when you might need something.”

Leo didn’t like this one bit but he stayed quiet even when he knew he should say something.

They walk silently side by side, crossing some familiar shops as they follow the road they always went down. Leo still felt sick, his stomach tied up in knots and filled with angry bees. Every time a car passes them or he sees a stranger he thinks that it is Splinter or an adult who knows they are doing something they shouldn’t be doing. 

They had passed the school and were treading into unknown territory for Leo, every shop and house unfamiliar and the more turns he made, the less sure he was that he would be able to find his way home. He was going to be in so much trouble, what if they think he ran away on purpose because of something Splinter did? What if they take them all away from each other? He hated this, he hated this-

“Donnie?”

“Yes?”

“I want to go home. I-I’m scared.”

They had been walking for what felt like forever, his feet were sore and his fingers were all red and numb from the cold. He wanted to be back home with the heating and blankets, he wanted to talk to Splinter about how he was feeling, not out here.

“Then go home,” Don said, voice colder than the wind, face unmoving, “I didn’t ask you to come with me.”

“I’m not going home without you!” He huffs out.

“I am going home.”

Leo froze, that horrible feeling in his gut got so bad he had to clench his stomach in handfuls. Donnie didn’t stop, he might have even been picking up his pace, “What do you mean? Don?”

“I said, I’m going home. I can’t stay at Splinter’s forever, I have to go home eventually.”

“But- Your mom- She-”

“I’m going home !” Donnie yells, now sprinting down the street.

“Wha- Wait!”

Leo follows him, his shoes nearly falling off his feet as he runs. Donnie had a head start and he knew the streets better than his brother, making sharp turns that Leo had to skid to make. He might have been faster but Leo could run for longer than him so when his lungs hurt from the icy air, he manages to catch up with the boy, panting as he tugs on his sleeve, “Don… huff… what is… your… problem ?!”

Don tried to tug away from his grasp but he wasn’t about to let his brother go that easily, it did help that Donnie was incredibly out of breath, wheezing.

Leo manages to catch his breath before him, making him able to yell faster, “What the heck man?! Sorry for the bad word but you’re being a jerk! Were you just gonna leave me?!”

“You… would have… found your way back,” Donnie rolled his eyes.

“No! I can’t! I was relying on you to remember how to get back!” Leo was frantically waving his arms about, anger bubbling in him, “And what’s all this about going home?! You have a home! Is that not good enough for you?”

“It’s not the same !” Don snaps, pushing his fogged-up glasses back up his nose, “It’s a house I live in, it will never be home!”

Leo’s chest hurt. This was so unusual of the boy. Yeah, he could short short-fused when overwhelmed but he never thought that Donnie would ever say anything so hurtful. Especially after everything they had gone through… It was like he had just been slapped in the face.

With a huff, the curly-haired boy turned back around and continued walking.

“Wha- So- That- That’s it? You’re gonna walk up to your mom’s door and just hope that she takes you in?” Leo gritted his teeth, trying to fight back the tears threatening to spill.

“Of course, she’ll let me in,” He scoffs like it was obvious, “She only gave me up because she had money problems and couldn’t stay clean. It was the court’s decision, not hers.”

“Uh- Nuh-uh! Splinter said that it was her choice, besides, adults always like to keep kids with their parents even if the parents suck, I’ve seen it happen with lots of kids!”

Donnie just shakes his head, like he refused to even listen to what he had to say.

“I can change her mind then.”

“What? Change her mind?”

The boy was speed walking, head straight forward like he was on a mission.

“How are you going to do that?” Leo asked.

“I can show her that I can be a good kid. Low maintenance, quiet, disciplined, and worthy of love and affection. It shouldn’t be too hard now that I know what I did wrong before. And-and then we can go back to being a family…”

Leo opened up his mouth to say a million reasons why that was wrong but Don stopped suddenly and he bumps into him. Donnie’s lips were pursed hard enough that his mouth was a thin line, his knuckles white from gripping the strap of his duffle bag. He looked like he was going to be sick.

The older boy followed his gaze to see that one of the floors of a small apartment flat had their lights on. Standing on their porch were a woman and a man, blowing smoke into the night as they laughed about something inaudible. The woman looked very familiar…

“She looks happy… without me…”

Leo snapped his neck to look at his brother who looked lost. He puts the pieces together as he watches Donnie force himself to tear his eyes away from the scene of his mother looking her happiest with the man who has hurt him, the man whom she has chosen over her own son.

“I’m so sorry Donnie…”

There is an unbearably long silence. Leo swears he can hear his heartbeat.

“okay… we can go back…”

Leo opens his mouth and finds that he doesn’t know what to say, knowing deep down that no matter what he says, it will be the wrong thing to say so instead he follows his brother as he turns around and starts making the trek back.

It had been so long that soon the sun would start to hover over the horizon, casting them in an orange hue if it wasn’t for the dark clouds overhead. Their family will wake up and find them not where they should be and they will be in so much trouble but Leo found that for the first time, he didn’t care anymore. He watched his brother, shoulders slumped, eyes glossy, and heart visibly broken as his last hope, his last chance of his previous life was taken from him. Leo knew what that was like…

A drip fell on his head.

Leo looked up and saw the clouds get even darker. And then he felt a droplet of water fall on his face. Slowly, it started to rain, getting more aggressive by the second, a sudden downpour that soaked into their hoodies even if they tried to keep themselves dry with their hoods. Donnie grumbled under his breath as he held his bag close to himself, “Great! Just great !”

They picked up the pace but at one point they realized it was futile. It was coming down hard, their clothes were all dark from being soaked from head to toe. The boys sniffled, their hair dripping, shivering, alone and scared in a place that was becoming unrecognisable more and more.

They slow at a crossing, waiting for the green man on the empty corner street.

“You know…” He is surprised by the sound of his own voice cutting through the silence but now that he has started, it is too late to turn back now, “Everybody back home already thinks you are worthy of love… you don’t or ever will have to prove yourself to them. They love you, no strings attached…”

Donnie doesn’t say anything.

The green man flashed and they walked onto the road and half subconsciously he reached out to hold his hand, “I know it isn’t exactly the same but-”

The boy quickly pulled his hand away, stopping in his tracks, “You’re right. It isn’t the same. They will never be family.”

Leo tried not to get upset, he knew he was just mad but it hurt, it cut right into his heart like a poison-tipped arrow, venom seeping in deep that it was sure to take root and leave a nasty scar.

“But- but we’re brothers-”

“We are not brothers.”

Donnie looked at him for the first time and Leo saw the fury in his eyes, he saw the tears track down his cheeks, he saw how broken he truly was. He took a step into his personal space, prodding a finger into his chest.

“We will never be brothers. We are just two dumb kids who made up a lie to make ourselves feel better!”

“Don…”

The boy opens up his mouth to say more but before he can, they are blinded by a bright light and the sound of an engine-

Leo realises where they are standing and thinking fast pushes Donnie away before-

…

Tires skid to a halt.

The smell of burning rubber.

The sound of a collision.

And then nothing.

Donnie can feel the rubble underneath his fingers.

The asphalt scraped against his palms, grazing the skin so badly he could feel the warm blood trickle down his hand.

The brightest light he’s ever seen shone on him like a spotlight but strains to open his eyes before he even knows what he’s trying to look for.

He sees the figure of somebody small asleep on the road.

Despite the shake in his leg, he tries to stand, instantly collapsing back to the floor.

Donnie finds that he is frozen, unable to tear his eyes away, unable to scream, unable to do anything.

He is aware that the earth is still spinning but his life has long since stopped. Everything slows until he’s sure he’s stuck in time, staring at his brother lying still. Too still.

Move. Move, damn it! MOVE!

A car door opens.

Someone is trying to talk to him but his ears are ringing, nothing goes through the cotton in his head.

His wet clothes cling uncomfortably to his skin. His wet hair getting in his eyes. He felt as if he was thrown into a lake. It would make sense for the shock coursing through him.

His back hurts from hitting the pavement. His bones aching and muscles cramping. He doesn’t care for any of it when he starts to make his way towards Leo, half limp, half crawl.

When he can hold his brother’s hand tight in his own he finds that everything is okay again. Even if he’s not awake. Even if he’s definitely injured and Donnie was dissociating so bad he was no longer in his own body anymore. As long as he could hold him, then he would be okay, they would be okay. Please wake up Leo . All those horrible things he said will be unsaid and they will go back to a peaceful house that could have been his home if he wasn’t such a horrible brother-

Leo, please. I don’t like being on my own.

The night seems to get even brighter. More spotlights appear.

There is more voice. He tunes them all out.

A hand tries to place itself onto his shoulder but he quickly pushes them away.

He’s aware that they are trying to take his brother away from him. He screams, kicks, bares his teeth, and begs as he is grabbed and placed into a brightly lit box with a bed.

Give me my brother! I want my brother!

Nobody listens to him. The box moves and he screams the entire time, fighting anything trying to look at his bleeding hands. He was deserving of the hiss of pain. 

Why would Leo do this for somebody like him? Why would he save somebody who bites the hand that cared for him like a frightened animal?

Why? Why? WHY?!

He doesn’t understand. Maybe he never will.

Donnie finally loses his voice after screaming for minutes straight. His throat was so sore and raw that it hurt to swallow, hurt to breathe, reduced to whimpers.

So instead, he held himself into a tight ball like a scared child the entire drive to the hospital, hoping and praying that Leo would be okay…

Chapter Text

With the scrapes on his hand cleaned and bandaged, the nurse placed him on a chair in the hallway.

There wasn’t much to do. He swung his feet as he was too short for the chair. He picked the skin around his nails until they bled. He watched people walking by, hoping one of them would even look at him, and tell him what was going on. He wanted to know how much longer he would have to wait, or even what he was waiting for. Nobody can give him a straight answer about the situation with his brother, they keep saying they didn’t know but the moment they did they would tell him.

That was hours ago.

Adults keep on telling him that everything is okay. It doesn’t feel okay. He’s rubbing the phantom tears off his cheeks with the sleeves of the zip-up hoodie he doesn’t even like. It was scratchy and was too tight on his arms. He wonders selfishly if his hoodie is still intact. It was his favourite but he had given it to Leo when he still thought he wouldn’t see any of them again, maybe he had wanted Leo to keep it to remember him. Maybe it didn’t matter as it was most likely his favourite comfort item had been cut up.

Donnie hated that he was feeling bad about it when Leo was hurt because of him.

Because of him, he was the one to run away, forcing Leo to follow him so he didn’t end up doing something stupid. He was the one to stop in the middle of the road. He was the one to say those horrible things.

He didn’t mean any of them, not a single thing, he was just so angry that it made him deaf to what he was saying. He was angry at his mom, her boyfriend, and the world for letting him down, and mad at himself for letting his hopes get so high, being stupid enough to believe things would be okay. But he was never angry at Leo… Nobody what he said, all that disdain and rage was directed at the wrong person, Leo is going to be so mad at Donnie for everything he has done. What happens if he doesn’t want to be his friend anymore? Will he have to leave? What will happen to him?

He was hungry. He was scared. He just wanted to lay down for days straight and sleep all this pain away.

He wanted his dad-

“Don!”

A familiar voice cried out and Donnie immediately jumped out of his seat.

Splinter was speeding down the hall, Mikey and Raph close by, holding each other tight, all still in their pyjamas and exhausted, “Oh my boy, what happened? I woke up and neither of you were there- Oof!”

The man got the wind knocked out of him as Donnie ran at him in full force, completely knocking the air out of him as the boy’s small arms wrapped around his torso tightly like he was a lifesaver. He spent hours telling himself he wouldn’t cry anymore, he was going to be brave. But when his foster dad holds him gently and his brothers join the hug soon after, it’s very difficult to not let the dam break.

The man rubs circles into his back repetitively, shushing softly, “It’s okay… it’s okay…”

Soon, the doctor calls for Splinter and they leave to talk while the boys sit together in the uncomfortable hospital chairs. Raph was biting his lip, and Mikey was fiddling with the loose threads on his shirt, sniffling quietly. Donnie is so exhausted. His entire body is so heavy, unable to keep his eyes open, he can’t control himself when his head falls and lands on Raph, getting comfortable so he doesn’t bounce off the walls with anxiety. He is so tired he thinks he feels his older brother’s shoulders ease under his contact.

“I really messed up…” Donnie whimpered, guilt weighing heavy on his shoulders, almost suffocating.

“Maybe, maybe not…  I don’t know what happened, only you and Leo know…” Raph mutters, “Are you sorry?”

“Yes! Of course, I am!” He yelled out rapidly.

“Then I’m sure it’s fine, you’ve just got to tell Leo that, you know, when we see him…”

“Yeah…”

A heavy dread lays in the air, like a weighted blanket over them.

He felt awful. He hated the bright lights and the constant noise. He wanted to go home…

“Boys?”

They all immediately looked up at their parental figure and relaxed when they saw the soft smile on his face.

“Would you like to see Leo?”

They jumped up from their seats and their parent had to keep them in check as they tried to run into the children’s ward. Donnie stayed at the back while the other two practically bound through the door, as soon as they saw their brother they had to be pulled back so they didn't crush him in a hug. 

“Boys, please, you need to be careful! He's recovering!”

Don peeped into the doorway where his brothers were hurdles around a bed where a small boy lay. He could only catch glimpses of blue and blonde.

Hesitantly, he stepped forward.

They locked eyes and Donnie could feel the nagging guilt eat away at him twicefold. Around his right arm was a blue cast, hung in a sling. Despite the broken bones, despite the gauze on his cheek from when his face hit the pavement, despite all of this being Don’s fault, he still smiled at him, albeit pained. He sat up in his bed, his eyes shining like he couldn’t have been happier, “DonDon! You’re okay!”

His throat seemed to close up, all he could do was blink. He looked down and saw something purple.

“Oh hey! They were gonna cut it but I managed to pull it over my head before they did, even though they told me not to,” Leo laughed, grabbing the hoodie with his only able hand, “I know you would have been upset if it got ruined so… I saved it.”

Donnie knew if he opened up his mouth he would start to cry so he kept it shut, shaky hands reaching forward and rubbing the comforting fabric between his fingers. He grabbed it and held it close to his chest, not realising how much he had missed this silly piece of clothing until he had the chance to throw it on, throwing the zip-up version he hated away hastily. Quickly, he signed, ‘Thank you’ to his brother. Leo smiled wider and nodded.

“Ooo! Can I draw on your cast?!” Mikey jumped up and down, “Pleasepleaseplease-”

“Yeah!” Leo excitedly tried to flap his hands but got stopped by the pain, “Ow!”

“Leo! Remember not to move, you don’t want it to heal wrong, right?” Splinter scolded and the boy huffed.

He only cheered up again until Mikey drew a crude Jupiter Jim and his name, with Raph’s help. Raph wrote his name afterwards and wordlessly handed it to Donnie who carefully wrote DonTron in neat handwriting. This made Leo happy.

Soon they all got sick of sitting and Raph and Mikey sat down on the nearest chairs, Donnie got onto the bed next to Leo, on his good side as to not disturb the cast. However, the late nights were getting to the youngest and oldest and soon they had fallen asleep after fighting off sleep for hours. Splinter seemed to be nearly there himself, having to stand up and lean against the nearest wall to stay awake. Soon, that wasn’t enough and he said in a tired mumble, “I’m getting something from the vending machine, do you boys want anything?”

They both quickly nodded and watched as the man slinked away. Leaving only the two boys left, alone together since the incident.

Donnie opened his mouth and out came, “You did a stupid thing.”

“No, I didn’t.” Leo was quick to correct, “I did a brave thing, the nurses said so.”

“You moved into the centre of a moving car, that’s not brave, that’s reckless.”

“...But it was cool. It was a total hero move, like in a movie-”

“You got hit by a car!”

“To save you,” Leo said nonchalantly, shrugging one of his shoulders, “I don’t regret a thing, you would have hated being in a hospital and now I get a cool cast and time off school, why are you so upset?” 

“Because if that car had been a bit faster, or- or you had been hit straight on, landed on your head, or you were alone- nobody would know where you were- If anything was different, you might not have- you- you could have-”

Donnie only realises he’s crying when Leo uses his spare hand to wipe away a tear from his cheek, “I’m okay DonDon, all of us are okay.”

He finds he’s lost the energy to come up with a counterargument. He then realises that it is stupid he’s trying to argue at all.

“I’m sorry for what I said.”

“I know,” Leo mumbled.

“I didn’t mean any of it.”

“I know…”

“Can I be your brother again? I promise to be better, I want to be your brother forever, even if the worst happens and we aren’t in the same home anymore or we age out of the system. I know technically we will never be family by DNA but I don’t care, I want you to be my family… If-If you’ll allow it…”

The boy’s blue eyes blink before the biggest smile appeared on his scraped and gauzed face, eyes sparkling with joy, “...Yeah… We can be family.”

Leo rested his head on top of his and they lived in the peaceful noise of rain hitting the window.

The beeping of machines, the soft snoring of Raph, the clicks of feet outside their door, and inaudible murmurs. Usually, all these sounds would send him into a meltdown but as Donnie rested his head, all he could hear was his brother’s heartbeat, steady and calm. He was okay, he was alive, no tremors or issues. He was okay, he was okay…

Donnie realised that as the heartbeat slowed, Leo had drifted off, now sleeping soundly for the first time in probably weeks. Don wouldn’t even dare try and move him, instead getting cosy himself and listening to the repetitive beats until his eyes become too heavy to keep open.

They were okay.

Chapter Text

“WAKE UP!”

“Hm-... Leo… shut… up… sleeping…”

“How can you want to sleep on today of all days?! Wake up, wake up, wake up!”

Leo was rocking him back and forth until Donnie finally snapped and whacked him upside the head with his pillow, “It is too early for this!”

“But it's our birthday!” Leo excitedly jumped and clapped his hands together, “Get up!”

The purple boy groaned loudly, wishing desperately to roll over and ignore his brother but he knew he was as stubborn as an unstoppable object, especially today. Months up to today, the two had quickly found out that their birthdays were only a few weeks apart, Leo coming up on top which he liked to use in his artillery of mockery. Now, Donnie had never liked his birthday, too much attention was placed upon him, to like presents, to be polite to guests, so happily agreed when Leo asked if they wanted to share the day.

Unknowingly, Leo used this as “evidence” that they were secretly physic twins and had since been trying to unlock their twin telepathy. Donnie had put his foot down and said that non-biological brothers were the line and there was no such thing as destiny twins but Leo has been insistent. Oh well, he’ll probably get over it soon anyway…

With his hoodie sluggishly thrown on, they vacated their room, finally decorated with painted walls and their stuffed all unpacked out their bags and placed purposely and permanently in their place on shelves and desks. Their names are on wooden blocks on the door, painted by their younger brother in their favourite colours. When they walked down the stairs, Leo more jumping, they passed frame portraits of them and their family on different day trips and adventures.

When they reached the bottom of the stairs and into the dining room, they were met with many voices of cheer and celebration as they saw balloons and a banner across the wall. There were their brothers, Splinter, and April, who all excitedly sat around the table where a few presents and cards were presented.

Donnie adjusted his headphones and took his seat, in the place he always sat. Leo noticed his silence and quickly absorbed the attention like a sponge, excitedly opening up the cards that were addressed to the both of them, reading them out with a massive smile and flapping his hands. He also opened up his biggest present first, ripping open the paper with vigour so that Donnie could open his from the side.

“No way!” Leo opens up his box and pulls out a pretend katana, “Are these the swords from Jupiter Jim Sails the Seven Galaxies ?!”

Splinter chuckled to himself, “Yes, it is, and if you play nice then-”

He is swiftly cut off by the sound of Leo immediately hitting Raph on the top of his head with a bonk! “Walk the plank you scallywag!”

Donnie rolled his eyes as he peeled off the last bit of wrapping paper, revealing a toolkit. Kid-friendly enough that he couldn’t get hurt but with enough tools to tinker with his robots. He giggled to himself in glee, already thinking about everything he could do with this newfound power of not needing to savage for a screwdriver.

“Don’t get any ideas about dismantling the microwave, okay? Only things you own. If I find the TV missing any wiring-” 

“I promise! Thank you” Don couldn’t stop himself from jumping up and down in his seat, his arms flailing. Splinter took another sip of his coffee, satisfied.

The party continued with a takeaway pizza and soda, a rarity and luxury. The birthday boys were just about to leave the table to play the new video game they had gotten from April when Splinter cleared his throat, “Ah, I think there is one more card to open.”

He pulled out an envelope from behind his back, it was as big as a piece of paper and looked very important. Splinter’s cursive writing on the front said ‘ To Baby Blue’ . Leo immediately flared up with rosy cheeks, “Splints… Come on…”

The man just laughed as he handed it to the boy, waiting eagerly.

With a strange restraint, Leo opened up the envelope, his eyebrows pinched together. Inside was a stack of documents, the boy had to lean forward to read, struggling with big words. And then something clicked in his head and he lowered the paper to stare at Splinter, “Is this…?”

He nodded, “Yes. It is.”

The boy jumped up from his chair and sprinted around the table to crash into a hug, wrapping his little arms tight around him. He was all choked up as he blubbered loudly into the man’s sweater, “ Thank you! Thank you! THANK YOUUU! ”

Donnie looked over to the stack of papers and quickly realised something.

They were adoption papers.

Of course, he knew it was happening, Splinter had sat them all down with the social worker to see how they would feel about it with very enthusiastic responses but he still felt relief knowing that it had been accepted. Leo deserved this, getting a family that treated him well, that wouldn’t ever send him away, to be secure and safe. Maybe one day… Donnie would like to have that security, that last name of honour, but…

Leo couldn’t stop crying happy tears and his brothers all quickly came in for a group hug, Mikey happily saying, “Welcome to being a Hamato!”

That time wasn’t now, he knew where he belonged, and he knew that some piece of paper couldn’t tell him who his family was. He knew it was important to Leo due to everything he has gone through but to him, he already had his brothers, maybe even a… dad, though he’s already getting embarrassed at calling the man that as it would destroy this new persona he’s trying to nurture, an emotionless bad boy image.

He loved them all, and they loved him. He didn’t love out of fear or with worry that the love received back could be conditional. And that was what family was, loving somebody didn’t have to be difficult or with strings attached, which was something he had to learn. That was okay, he was always eager to learn and this eccentric bunch had taught him that he has a lot to learn about what it is to be a brother, a son, and a family.

Donatello loved them easily.

And that meant more to him than a title.

Getting up from his chair he joined in on the family hug, wrapping his arms around them. Leo was still crying, “I love you guys so much!-”

“I love you too ‘Nardo,” Donnie said, smiling wider than he ever had before.

They were home.