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Ted anxiously drummed his fingers on the table as he and Barney waited for the rest of their friends to show up at MacLaren’s. They decided that today they were going to tell their friends that they were dating. Keeping it a secret was exhausting. Ted was one hundred percent sure they were going to be supportive. The gang was made up of some of the most accepting people Ted had ever met. They wholeheartedly accepted Barney's brother, James, and Robin went as far as punching a guy harassing a lesbian couple.
Still, Ted couldn't chase away the negative thoughts in his head. What if it was different because it was someone close to them? Would they feel comfortable around them? Would they treat them differently?
“Ted, I can feel you overthinking." Barney said from his seat opposite him. “Stop.”
"What if-" Ted started, doubts starting to creep into his head, the worst scenarios coming to mind. What if Marshall didn’t want to be his best friend anymore, or if Lily ousted them from her life? What if Robin accused him of pretending to love her?
"No," Barney shushed, reaching over and lacing their fingers together, forcing him to stop drumming his fingers. "Robin isn’t going to think you faked loving her. Marshall is still going to be your best friend, and Lily’s a little fruity herself. You're overthinking, sweetheart."
A pleasant flush ran down Ted's spine. It's been around a month since they started dating, and Ted still can't get over how amazing he felt near Barney. He was sweet and attentive, and he turned out to be a huge romantic. For their one-month anniversary, which Ted wasn’t even sure Barney wanted to celebrate. Ted planned a romantic picnic dinner on the roof. When Barney came up, Ted could have sworn he had tears in his eyes, despite Barney claiming it was the wind. There was, in fact, no wind that night.
He’s been discovering the small things Barney likes doing together other than sex. Surprisingly, he’s a huge fan of bubble baths and romantic dinners. He got Ted flowers every week and loved nicknames, whether it was being called one or calling Ted one. Ted’s favorite by far was sweetheart, and Barney’s was, astonishingly, baby.
“I know. But you know how I get. What if it's different for us?"
"Ted," Barney said, placing both his hands over Ted's on top of the table. "If you're not ready, we don't have to do this."
“No, I am ready. I do want to tell them. I'm just nervous, I guess.”
"Me too, but they're our friends.” Barney pulled away, picking up his glass again. “And even if they do have a problem with it, it's not going to be because it’s a guy. It’s going to be because the guy’s me.”
Another thing he’s noticed since he started dating Barney is that he can be very self-deprecating. In public, he seemed very self-assured, but he had his fair share of self-worth problems. Ted couldn’t imagine why. Barney was awesome, but Ted had no problem reassuring him when needed. In fact, it was one of his favorite things to do. He loved telling the people he cared about how much they meant to him.
"Hey, don't say that. You are amazing."
Barney waved him off. "No. Seriously, Barney, you're one of the best people I've dated, and our friends all love you." Ted smiled at the pleased look Barney hid behind his glass of scotch.
"What are we talking about?" Lily said, appearing with Marshall and Robin behind her. Lily slid into the seat next to Barney as Marshall sat next to Ted. Robin pulled a chair up to the table.
"Barney and I have something to tell you, guys," Ted announced. Their friends all turned to look at them. "We're dating." He laid his hand on top of Barney's on the table, trying to gauge their friends' reactions. They all stared at them with blank expressions.
"Wow," Robin finally said. "We had no idea."
"Yup, not a single clue," Marshall added, avoiding eye contact.
"We had no idea." Lily nodded. “Total shock.”
"Son of bitch, how did you all know already?" Barney asked.
"It's not that hard to see."
“It was kind of obvious.”
“You guys are sort of all over each other."
“That's not true,” Ted protested. "That's not true, is it?" Barney shrugged.
"It's fine, though. You’re in the honeymoon phase. Of course you're all over each other,” Lily said.
“Alright. Stitch up,” Barney said, crossing his arms. “How'd you figure us out? We’re not that obvious.”
The three looked at each other, silently having a debate, which Robin seemed to lose. "I’ll go first since my discovery apparently wasn’t ‘profound’ enough,” she said, rolling her eyes.
Robin frantically rushed around the apartment, toothbrush dangling from her mouth,shirt halfway buttoned. Stupid Barney and his ability to keep them entrapped at the bar had her running late for her morning show. She rushed back into the bathroom and rinsed out her mouth, haphazardly placing her brush on the sink and praying it didn’t fall into the toilet before rushing back to her room.
Just as she jumped past the couch, she slipped over something and crashed to the floor. “Shit,” she cursed, yanking up the offending piece of clothing from under her. She held Ted’s favorite sweater in her hand.
“Dammit Ted.” What was it even doing on the floor? Ted probably dragged his ass back from the bar a couple minutes ago. After all, it was only 3 a.m. Recently, he and Barney didn’t leave the bar until late or early. She didn’t have time to question why.
She was about to bang on his door when she heard muffled moans coming from the other side. Robin internally snorted to herself. Ted had a girl with him. That explained why his favorite sweater was thrown unceremoniously on the floor.
“Shit!” Ted cursed. “Come here, baby.”
Robin was about to enter the room, just to embarrass Ted, when she heard another groan that was not Ted's, but it wasn’t feminine either.
Oh shit. Ted was in there with a man. Robin debated whether or not she should go in. Ted hasn’t come out to the group yet, so she would be taking away his right to come out on his own terms. But on the other hand, embarrassing Ted.
“Fuck, Ted,” moaned a voice that Robin immediately recognized.
Holy fuck, Ted was in there with Barney. Robin stood frozen by the door, unable to stop listening to what was happening on the other side.
“Ted please.”
Robin started backing away. On second thought, she would rather not walk in on two of her best friends, both of whom she slept with. Plus, she was running late.
“Oh god. That is embarrassing," Ted groaned, hitting his head on the table. Marshall patted him on the back while sniggering behind his glass.
"I've heard worse from both of you,” Robin said dismissively. "I do have one question though: who's on bottom?"
"How dare you?" Barney gasped. “That is a major disrespect-”
“Major disrespect,” Ted and Robin saluted.
“Of privacy,” Barney continued, rolling his eyes. “I mean, how could you even...”
“It's Barney," Ted cut in, smirking at him.
“Ted!” Barney whined. "New topic. Lily, you're next. How’d you find out Ted and I were doing the horizontal tango?"
“I actually figured it out right here last week, and it didn’t involve anything sexual."
Something was different about Ted and Barney. Lily could feel it, having felt it since two weeks ago. She watched them over her glass from across the table. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.
But Lily’s trained eye was able to pick up small signs that something may be off. Ted was sitting closer to Barney than he usually would. Barney was always all over them. He had little respect for personal space unless someone told him they were uncomfortable.
Ted, however, didn’t like when people were in his personal space, unless it was a girl he was dating. Yet he let Barney crowd into his space today, going as far as angling his body toward him and brushing his hand over Barney’s shoulder.
At first, Lily thought this was some scheme Barney concocted in order to sleep with some girl from the bar. Lily couldn’t figure out how that would work or how he managed to convince Ted into playing along, but she had long since given up on trying to understand Barney. Somehow, he managed to make all his schemes work.
That theory flew out the window when Barney completely ignored the woman flirting with him and focused attention solely on Ted, despite the fact Ted was talking about something architecture-related. She doesn’t know. She wasn’t paying attention.
A wild theory formed in her head that had her internally chuckling. There was no way it was what she was thinking. It was just some inane fantasy she had in the back of her mind. Suddenly, Ted smiled at Barney, and Lily let out a small gasp that made Marshall look over at her in concern.
Everything clicked into place. The smile he directed at Barney was bright and borderline soppy. It was the smile he gave to Robin and to Stella, and now he was giving it to Barney. It was the smile he had whenever he used to talk about Robin and now had whenever Barney was around. It was his dating smile. Her insane theory was right.
Holy shit. Ted and Barney were dating.
“A smile. You figured it out from a smile?” Barney asked in disbelief.
“I don’t have a dating smile,” Ted said. “Do I have a dating smile?”
“Yes, you do. It's the dopey smile you now get whenever you look at Barney,” Marshall said. “Good job, Lily.”
"Aww, you have a smile just for me.” Barney said, placing his hand over his heart. “That’s so sweet,"
“Shut up. Marshall, how’d you find out?”
Reluctant as he was to say this, Marshall had been feeling lonely for the past few days. Ted and Barney had been hanging out a lot recently, and he feared that Barney might have concocted a plan to steal his place as Ted’s best friend. When he brought up his concerns, Lily waved him off, saying Marshall was being silly. Ted didn’t have best friend feelings for Barney, she reassured with a knowing gleam in her eye.
Marshall wasn’t too sure but decided to hold a movie night without the girls so they could hang out as bros. They haven’t been able to properly get together since he and Lily got married.
Marshall excitedly opened the door when the bell rang. Ted was on the other side, holding a six-pack of beer. “Hey, man.”
“Hey. Where’s Barney?”
“He has some work thing to take care of. Said to start the movie without him.”
Marshall internally cheered. Yes, he loved Barney, but this gave him a chance to worm his way back into being Ted’s best friend. Marshall strategically set everything up so that he was in the center, Ted on one side, and Barney on the other. Halfway through the movie, the doorbell rang again.
“Come in!” Marshall yelled.
Barney let himself in, grabbing the open beer on the table and chugging it.
“Woah, ba-dude. What happened to you?” Ted asked, concern on his face.
Barney looked very disheveled. His suit was wrinkled, and his tie was hanging around his neck. He appeared slightly singed around the edges. “I just had to put out a few fires at work. Some literal ones as well. Oh, are you watching Star Wars? Move.” Barney plopped into the sliver of space between Ted and the arm of the sofa.
He squeezed in, making Ted move over and shoving Marshall to the other end. Ted didn’t protest, which was odd. Ted was weirdly particular about his personal space, unless it came to the girl he was dating. Then he allowed them to be all over him. Instead, Ted settled an arm around Barney and sank back, enjoying the movie. The scene looked strangely like him and Lily.
Realization hit Marshall like a truck. These two were dating. Dammit, Barney officially outranked him.
“So, Barney, congratulations are in order,” Marshall said. “You officially outrank me.”
“Ha in your face.”
“You’re still important to me,” Ted said, bumping Marshall’s shoulders.
“But not as important as me.”
“In all honesty, I do think you two make a pretty good pair,” Robin said.
"Yeah, I guess we do,” Ted said, sharing a smile with Barney, reaching over and lacing their hands together.
Robin groaned. “Please tell me you're not going to be the cheesy couple. I can’t handle another Marshall and Lily.”
“Cheesy. Barney Stinson does not do cheesy.”
“Please. I saw you turn into a puddle the other day because of Ted’s dopey smile.”
“I don’t have a dopey smile.”
“Who are you kidding, Ted?”
Ted grinned behind his drink. He felt silly for even thinking his friends wouldn’t support him. They really were the best people he could ask for.