Chapter Text
--3 Gum---
Bill Cipher was the big man on campus.
He seemed to have it all, the looks, the wit, the connections. Anything you needed, he could provide- for a price of course. Bill was also a very popular topic, as no one knew quite as much as they thought when it came to the eccentric blonde. Yet even as Bill dominated the social circles of college he was also famous for being enigmatic, disappearing often without a trace. Of course this led to all kinds of speculation but these kinds of theories Dipper could live without.
So when Dipper Pines went to HUM 115 for his Mythology II class he wasn't expecting a huge frenzy of people surrounding a desk nearby his usual spot. The room was unusually loud, as no one actually talked much beside the professor and those students who had burning questions (which was mainly Dipper).
The only voice that stood out the most was what he presumed to be the center of attention, who would randomly answer some questions and ignore others. Girls flocked to see him up close and whispered among themselves about how they thought he had the total package. Sometimes Bill would throw them a bone and whisper in a random girl's ear, earning squeals all around and the lucky girl nearly passing out from how 'sexy his voice was'.
Honestly, Dipper found the man's voice to be grating. How anyone could even find the annoying high-pitched cackles 'sexy' was beyond him.
But Dipper did his best to ignore the commotion, instead getting out his notebook and pens, skimming over last lectures' notes (cause let's be honest, he already knew them like the back of his hand) and getting ready to take detailed notes for this lecture. He had read ahead so he was more than prepared, but the professor seemed to have extra background knowledge that was always a joy to discover.
Professor Atlas threw Dipper a wave as he came into the lecture hall, surprised the crowd and easily dispersing it with putting down the screen for the projector. Students filled the seats and outside students that were most likely there for Bill either filtered out or loitered the backs of the rooms. As the instructor set up for lecture Dipper couldn't help but look over at the blonde that dropped into the class.
And no, don't think it was because he was actually interested or curious about the blonde enigma. We already established that Dipper physically could not care any less about that shit.
No, he turned because the other man was chewing gum loudly.
Now Dipper had nothing against gum chewers, he even liked to chew a stick of wintermint during tests to ease anxiety. But the fucker seemed to have no respect for anyone around him, obnoxiously smacking his lips and making sure to open and close his mouth to amplify the chewing noise. Dipper sighed and tried to calm down, grabbing his pen and furiously copying down the notes that flickered onto the board. He just had to get through this class and then he would go to office hours and talk with Atlas for more advice on the end of the quarter project.
It took a lot of willpower to not say anything to the blonde, so when the popping started he nearly lost it.
He spared the bubble-blowing idiot yet another glance, mentally cursing at him in every language he knew(although he only knew 2, he made sure to completely exhaust the vernacular for each tongue). Dipper should have known the guy would have been an asshole, something had to be shitty about him. And what worse than a shitty personality. The brunette managed to regain his focus, barely managing to get everything off the slide before it changed. He felt his face heat up at hearing the soft muffled laugh a couple seats over, what was so funny? He dared not to look as giving the man anymore attention was the last thing he wanted to do.
Sadly, his curiosity got the better of him.
He leaned back, using his peripheral vision to try and innocuously investigate while avoiding blatant staring. Dipper didn’t want to give off the wrong idea after all. He could see the man staring at a freshly opened gum wrapper, popping a new stick into his mouth and stifling another laugh. The blonde turned, looking around the room and mumbling to himself.
Bill on the other hand was VERY BUSY with something SUPER IMPORTANT.
His favorite gum (3 Gum in Cobalt) was doing this thing called #TruthOrDare and he was bored as fuck so he might as well do it. He had already had a blast doing the last 5 dares, one more couldn’t hurt.
But the dares on the newest stick were lame, with shit like Twerk for no damn reason, and, Answer the next text you get by calling that person.
The only possibility left was to go with Truth, and boy it didn’t disappoint-
Find the hottest person in the room and tweet their full name to Tweeter!
He went straight to work, pulling out his cellphone and scanning the room. He would have simply put his own name down with a selfie but he felt adventurous today, who knows- maybe he’d actually find someone that was at least decent.
Dipper knew the longer this guy was here the more he hated him, the guy wasn't even taking any notes! Bill was obviously being rude, disrespectful and downright pretentious with his 'I don't care about this class' behavior. Dipper felt a wave of self righteousness come over him, Bill should be taking notes and trying to keep up with the class, not being a prick and contaminating the learning environment.
It seems Professor Atlas seemed to have the same thought, "Mr. Cipher, I know you are new to the class but I have a no cellphone policy. Would you be as so kind as to put it away for the rest of lecture?"
The class turned their attention to the blonde, who seemed to eat it up-
"Yeah well I was just gonna ask you about skipping this course anyways-I already know all this stuff so I'm thinking you should just sign this paper and get me outta here."
Professor Atlas gracefully received Bill's snark, "And I would be happy to discuss that with you in office hours, but you are still violating my no cellphone policy. Please put it away before I take it away."
Dipper felt a smile grow on his face, Professor Atlas was really the coolest-
"Ouch! You're putting me on blast teach! Ha ha, well-it's no biggie, I know everyone has to have their occasional power trips."
"Excuse me?" Atlas swiftly replied, a bit of his Irish accent slipping out.
"You're validating yourself. Cause, ya know- those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach."
Before Atlas could ask the blonde student to leave Dipper felt his patience finally snap, "Don't talk to Professor Atlas like that! I know you're some natural genius and all but you need to really be quiet and learn some manners."
The blonde whipped his head around to look at the offender, but he didn't really seem surprised. In fact, the jerkwad actually smiled at him. One sapphire eye crinkled up in delight, a black eyepatch hiding the other.
"Hey, what's your name?" the blonde brought his cell into both hands, his eyes never leaving his as he typed on the screen.
"Will you leave if I tell you?" the paranormal enthusiast clenched his fists, feeling his nails dig into his palms.
The blonde merely nodded, a coy smirk sent his way that only managed to make his blood boil.
"My name's Dipper. Now go."
Bill stood, gracefully collecting his bag and his gum wrappers, sauntering over to the boy as he made his way out. Though not before getting one last jab in, placing a hand on his shoulder and leaning down, making sure his breath tickled Dipper's nape.
"Dipper what? I wanna know the full name of the pretty boy who decided to bark at me."
It took every ounce of self control for Dipper to not deck the man that was not only insulting him and his role model but also touching him way too friendly.
He let out a breath, no- he wouldn't get any more involved in this bullshit. It was bad enough that this was happening, and he just wanted it to be over already. Be the bigger person and all, blah blah blah. They had an audience as well, so it was best if he let it go and simply finish this whole mess.
"My name is Dipper Pines. Now leave me alone."
He found his resolve crumbling as he was pulled into an awkward hug, shock clearly written all over his face as the blonde male gave a menacing smile, "Oh, you are just too cute. I'll see you later, okay Pine Tree?"
Said Pine Tree felt his anger sear his skin, making him even redder than before, unable to do anything but watch as the menace sashayed away, typing away on his phone. Whispers erupted all around, and he mentally groaned, great- now everyone was going to read into this crap. All he could do was internally scream-
Fuck my life.
---3 Gum---
Bill smiled as he typed in Pine Tree's full name into Tweeter, absolutely thrilled at meeting the nerdy college-kid. Coming here was starting to get boring, thankfully that cute firey sapling made himself known or else he might have just killed himself from boredom! He was also easy on the eyes, which only intrigued the blonde troublemaker. He rechecked his 3 Gum tweet, adding a shit-ton of heart and lovestruck emojis before posting it.
Bill constantly refreshed the page, ignoring the likes and comments by the boring plebeians, he just wanted a reaction from Pine Tree. Within 5 minutes Bill felt his patience running thin, how dare that stupid boy not reply?! He knew Pine Tree had a Tweeter, so he would definitely be notified of the tweet about him. The nerve of that loser!
Bill let out a breath, an airy laugh tumbling out with it- no, this was fine. If the little sapling was easy then he wouldn't be any fun.
Maybe he just needed to shake things up a bit more. His mind fell back to Atlas, and how Pine Tree was adamant on protecting his professor's dignity. A twisted smile unfurled as a dreadfully wonderful idea wormed its way into his mind.
He couldn't wait to see #DipperPines again.