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The feeling of defeat sitting on Billy’s chest is one that he’s used to. It started the moment he realized his mother was never coming back for him after walking out of their home in California, when he was eleven. As the years progressed, he added anger, betrayal, mistrust, and hopelessness, on top of that initial feeling.
He utilized every single one of them, thinking to build a wall of protection around his heart, but all it turned into was a heavy weight. Billy is still surprised sometimes, that the weight wasn’t what caved in his chest. No, it was the horror of something otherworldly and inexplicable that did it. After surviving Starcourt, and the incident with Neil that led to his short stint in prison, Billy has tried to spend time conceptualizing what exactly happened to him in the summer of 1985. Every time he tries to, it just leads to a throbbing headache and phantom pains from his countless scars that litter like constellations across his body. He has started to black out so much of those memories, knowing that he probably wouldn’t be able to live with himself otherwise.
It isn’t healthy, but it works for him right now.
Doc Owens calls it PTSD. Billy has been seeing the guy for the past couple of months on Joyce Byers’ recommendation. Owens says PTSD is a new term; something that the soldiers from Vietnam all ended up with. Billy doesn’t think of himself as a soldier, not in the traditional sense, but he does know that he has spent most of his life fighting. Owens wants him to talk about it. Open up. Deal with his trauma because it’ll be a way to let it all go, and the weight on his chest can release. The wall around his heart can fall away. Instead, he pushes it all down, handles what’s in front of him, and he puts one foot in front of the other because for some fucking reason, he’s still breathing.
It doesn’t mean that it’s all hopeless. Billy thinks that if he isn’t talking about it, he’s at least working through life, finding purpose in the after. And there’s people who care now. Even if it’s just Max and Steve—maybe even Owens and Susan, his stepmom.
Maybe one day he’ll talk about it. Maybe one day the weight can really be let go of.
Meanwhile…
“I wish I had just died.”
Billy flinches at Max’s words as she sits miserably in her wheelchair.
“You’d think that would be my line,” he jokes halfheartedly.
“Why? You can still fucking walk.”
Billy honestly doesn’t. fucking. understand.
If there were anyone who deserved to live a happy, healthy, carefree life, it was probably Max. Instead, she’s still paralyzed after her run in with Vecna. Her vision is clouded and hazy. And her anger…well it’s much worse than his nowadays. Billy is too tired for it, if he’s honest.
“Max, your life isn’t over, alright? You’re still breathing, like me. So we’re gonna just fucking do what we gotta do to make it as normal as it used to be.”
“Used to be?” She scoffs. “My life hasn’t been normal since before we came to Hawkins.”
He sure as hell can’t disagree. Billy sighs and keeps hammering at the ramp he’s been building. He already built one once, outside of Max and Susan’s trailer. It’s been raining heavily the last few days, and the cheap wood he used to build it the first time, warped after getting soaked, and it made it too dangerous for Max to use safely. She’s been stuck inside for several days, and she’s pissy and feels caged up, and depression has hit her hard. As for Billy, he’s still working in the local used bookstore and still living at the Hawkins Inn for cheap. He has saved enough money to buy better wood, so now he’s actually making a new ramp.
“Max,” Susan hovers in the doorway, “your dad is on the phone.”
His sister sighs, as if put upon, and she turns her chair to wheel back into the house from her place on the porch of the trailer. Susan helps her past the bumpy threshold of the front door. Max disappears inside, but Billy still feels eyes on him as he keeps working. He looks up and sees Susan staring at him.
“What?” He asks in confusion.
She grimaces; her eyes flicking to the inside of the trailer and back to him. Susan looks shifty, and Billy stops, placing the hammer in his hand on the half finished ramp. He steps around and on the porch platform, looking at her expectantly.
Susan flounders before speaking, “M-Max’s dad is coming to visit—h-he’s coming to Hawkins—next week.”
“Okay?” Billy glowers, wondering why she sounds so off about it. “This is a bad thing?”
Max talks about her dad like the sun shines out of his asshole. Billy doesn’t get why Susan wouldn’t want him around. Then again, he doesn’t know shit about her relationship with Max’s dad, only his own dad. He doubts any man is worse than Neil Hargrove.
“There’s something I need to tell you, something you should have been told a long time ago. But maybe when Max isn’t around. I mean, you might not want her around for it. I don’t know.” She sighs heavily, looking away from him. “It-it might be a lot for you to handle, and—I guess I don’t want you around Max when I tell you.”
Billy blusters, taking a step away from his stepmother.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!”
Granted, his relationship with Susan hasn’t been perfect. But he’s never been outwardly hostile towards her; his dad would have never let him. It’s always been yes ma’am, no ma’am, when Neil was around. After his fight with Neil, when she helped him get off that attempted manslaughter charge, Billy kinda forgave her. They’ve been fine. Plus, Billy’s respect for Max stopped him from mistreating Susan in any type of way. So who the fuck is she to say that she doesn’t trust him around Max. And on top of that bullshit, both of his hands aren’t enough to count how many times she looked away when his dad beat the shit out of him.
“I don’t mean—Billy it’s not—listen, I’m gonna stop by your motel room tonight. I’ll bring you some dinner, okay? We’ll talk about it. It’s a long story.”
Billy bites down on his insult. “Steve is coming over tonight.”
“Well, maybe it’ll be a good thing that he’s there.”
It’s all she says, but he knows that Susan knows about him and Steve. Billy looks at her suspiciously. So much for thinking the woman in front of him might actually give a shit about him. Max calls out to her, and she turns away, back into the trailer. Billy frowns, wondering what the fuck that was about. He shakes away the confusion and hurt, turning back to finish the ramp.
***
“She didn’t explain what was going on?”
“No,” Billy shakes his head, “she started acting weird when she told me Max’s dad was coming to visit, and she said she was coming over to talk.”
Steve shrugs; his face pinched with his own confusion. “Do you want me to leave?“
“Definitely not. I-I want you here.” It’s a confession if Billy has ever heard of one.
Billy and Steve have only been together a handful of months, and heartfelt confessions don’t come easy for either of them, but they work on it everyday. And in this instance, Billy knows if he doesn’t say anything, Steve would leave because he’d think it’s what Billy wants, when it’s actually the exact opposite.
Steve comes up to him and curls a hand in Billy’s hair, leaning in and kissing the side of his head. “Then I’m not going anywhere, B.”
He turns into Steve, burying his face in Steve’s neck. He wraps arms around Billy, ghosting his hands down Billy’s back in comfort. Billy sighs, the tension in his body disappearing as he sucks in uneven breaths. He isn’t sure why this is bothering him so much, but Susan sounded weird, and it’s enough that it’s fucked with his head.
The soft knock on his motel room makes him stiffen. Steve pushes him away, kissing him quickly. Billy turns to answer the door, and Susan stands with two plates of food, in offering.
“Thanks,” Billy takes them from her, “come in.” She steps inside, and out of the muggy weather from the days of rain that has turned into humidity after mixing with the beating sun.
His air conditioner in the motel room is shitty most days, but it’s been working overtime to make up for the sudden hot weather, and it feels slightly sticky inside. No one complains as the three of them sit around his small round table. Billy doesn’t offer Susan a beer because Max has told him that her mother has been drinking more than she should. Instead, he just gets them all a soda from his new mini-fridge.
“How are you, Steve?”
Steve’s eyes widen at Susan’s question. “I’m—good. Just, uh, working at the video store, still.”
“That’s good,” she says gently.
Billy’s eyes close at the tension and awkwardness.
“Can we just skip over all of the bullshit, Susan?”
“I’m not sure where to start, Billy. I’ve had all afternoon to think through this, and I still don’t know how to talk about it.”
“Why not just get to the fucking point?”
She thinks a minute; her mouth moving wordlessly. “Well, if I skip over all of it to tell you the point; it’s just gonna sound unbelievable.”
“Nothing is unbelievable.” After the shit Billy has been through, he knows that all too well. “Try me.”
Susan hesitates, “let’s just start from the beginning, and if you think it’s pointless, I’ll start skipping through everything.” She sighs heavily and stares at Billy before blurting out her next words. “I grew up with your mother.”
Billy blinks at her. “Come again?”
“I know who she is—pretty well.” She sucks in a breath and continues. “She actually grew up a block away from me. We went to the same middle school and high school—same as Neil, actually. He grew up not too far from us too.” Susan shakes her head and starts drawing lines through the condensation of her soda can, not meeting Billy’s eyes. “She and I—I can’t say we were friends because that would mean that we liked each other. We didn’t, not really.” She looks up at Billy helplessly. “Mary was your all American sweetheart. Cheerleading captain. Prom queen. A+ student. Most likely to succeed. And everyone knew her as one of the nicest girls you’d ever meet, at least to your face.” She twists her lips to hide a grimace. “Did you know that about your mom?”
“No.” Billy shakes his head. He genuinely didn’t know that. “She never really talked about her time in school. Not that I remember.”
“Well, she was all of those things, and then some.” Susan shrugs. “And I was always one step behind her. I had to go along with being her friend because that’s what was expected out of our friend group, but it was always difficult living in your mom’s shadow. I was always aiming for the top spot and falling one step short. For me it was competition, for her, everything came so effortlessly. There was always seething envy on my part, I admit.”
Billy looks up at Steve, and they exchange knowing glances. The two of them had that kind of potential once before. But Steve’s king crown had easily been knocked off, once Billy came around.
“I didn’t know you knew my dad before—”
Susan’s makes an indiscernible face, and Billy frowns.
“Mary and Neil started dating freshman year of high school. Neil Hargrove was star quarterback, super popular, and everyone just knew they’d be together forever. I, again admit, that I was obsessed with him, every girl was.” Billy rolls his eyes, and Susan lets out an unhumorous laugh. “As soon as he turned eighteen in ’65 he left for Vietnam, voluntarily. He didn’t even finish our senior year.” Billy knew this because it’s a brag that his dad lauded over Billy a lot growing up. Just another reason to implement respect and responsibility, and to tell Billy how weak he was. “All of our friends idolized him, and his decision to be a real man and join the marines; we were all so square and still naïve about the war. Neil left and meanwhile your mom carried on like it was no big deal. Your mom was always so flippant. It was always so weird to me how she could be so nice a lot of the time, but no one ever really knew who she was or what was important to her because that part of her was closed off. I told you I knew her pretty well, but it was only what she showed me—or rather what she didn’t show me. She was just so fake to me.”
There’s an underlying anger in Susan’s voice, and Billy could stop her. Tell her not to speak about his mother with that tone, but he’d be defending a woman who left him with his father, and as much as he misses his mom, he’s beginning to recognize just how fucked up it was. His mother was a hard woman to understand. And she was indeed flippant enough to leave him with their abuser, like she never really cared enough about Billy at all. And that’s the real fucked up part that Billy can’t really reconcile with because the truth fucking hurts.
“So what, Susan? You hate my mom? Is this your way of telling me that you hate me too? Your weird about me meeting Max’s dad because I’ll embarrass you two or something?”
She snorts, “god no, Billy. It’s nothing like that, and I don’t hate you at all, regardless of my feelings about your mother.” He waves a dismissive hand for her to continue. She sighs. “After graduation, your mom and I got into UCLA. We roomed together in an all girls dorm. It was easy because we were going to the same school, and we knew each other. And as much I secretly hated her, I still wanted her to like me. Foolishly, I was actually hopeful this meant we could be friends—without the pressure of high school rules and popularity—like she’d immediately become a different person.”
“Foolishly?” It’s the first time Steve has spoken, and they both look at him. He seems enraptured by the whole story. “What’d she do to you?”
“Well, I met Sam, Max’s dad, at freshman orientation. I assumed it was love at first sight for the both of us. He was very bookish and sweet and charming and oh so gullible.”
“Oh shit,” Steve lets out a bubbled giggle and covering his mouth, connecting dots that are lost to Billy. “She slept with Max’s dad, didn’t she?”
Billy blanches, looking at Susan, wide-eyed.
Susan nods, her lips twisting again. “Soon after our first date, actually. Sam used to wait for me in our dorm room while I had an afternoon class three days out of the week. My class was all the way across campus, and it took about two hours between walking there for lecture and walking back after. She was the one to sign him in at the front desk in our dormitory because I asked her to. She was always still there with him when I would get back. I was so stupid. I never once thought anything of it—”
“Then how’d you find out?” Billy looks at her curiously.
“It was years later—”
“Okay. So my mom slept with your ex-husband. Susan, what the hell does this have to do with me?”
“Neil came home, after a year. He was injured in la Drang Valley, and they gave him an early out of his two year enlistment, with honorable discharge. He laid up in a hospital in Germany for a few months, but he was back in California after, and they picked up where they left off during our second semester. He lived off campus, of course, but he came by to see her a lot. By the late summer, she had called and told me she was pregnant, her and Neil married, and she was dropping out of UCLA. In that order, and the conversation was that quick. I had to find a new roommate my second year.” Susan sighs heavily again. “I thought that was the end of ever seeing her or Neil again. I was kinda relieved. I finished with my useless art history degree three years later, married Sam fresh out of college, and we had Max soon after. Sam and I were happy for a longtime. That was, until he ran into Mary one day, years later, just by chance. You were actually with her that day…” Billy frowns. “You probably don’t remember it. It was just a brief interaction, if I’m not mistaken. But Sam wouldn’t stop bringing it up. I got tired of hearing about it, and we argued. Then he confessed about sleeping with her, and I was devastated.”
There’s something about the way Susan is looking at him, like she’s just told him the point of this whole conversation, but he’s absolutely goddamn clueless.
“Susan, I’m pretty fucking smart, but I don’t understand what you’re getting at—”
“Billy,” Steve breathes, his eyes wide.
“What?!” He looks at his boyfriend impatiently.
She huffs, “Sam and I tried to work through it, but we couldn’t. We ended up getting a divorce. Then a couple of more years passed, and I ran into Neil. Call it a coincidence and call me petty, but I accepted his offer to go out to dinner.” Billy just looks at Susan blankly. “I-I didn’t understand at the time, why Sam wouldn’t let the interaction with Mary go. Then I met you.” She looks back at Billy with sorrow in her eyes. “I asked Neil about the time your mom left, and it was shortly after that interaction with Sam. I called my ex-husband out of suspicion, but he said he hadn’t heard from her, then I asked him how long they’d slept together. It turns out that him and Mary had carried on their relationship even after Neil came home, even during that summer too. They’d meet up secretly. It went on until she wound up pregnant, and she told him Neil was the father, and she was gonna marry him.”
“That doesn’t mean anything.” Billy glares at her stonily.
“Billy, you have Sam’s blue eyes, his sandy blonde hair, his lips, his nose, his freckles, his eyebrows. All of it.”
“Fuck. You. Susan.”
“Look,” she pulls out pictures from her pocket. They aren’t of her ex-husband, but of Max and Billy. She puts them side-by-side. She points to both of their eyes, “same color. Not consequential enough, I know,” and moves to their noses, “but these are the same shape,” then to their mouths, “you two even have the same lips, Billy. The same crooked smile and dimple. Not to mention your freckles.” She pulls out another picture of a couple. It’s Susan when she was younger and a man; they’re standing with arms around each other. She arranges Max and Billy on either side. Max beside Susan, and Billy beside her ex-husband, Sam.
“Holy shit, it’s like the splitting images of Max and Billy.” Steve is leaning over the images, looking closely with a slack jaw.
“Neil always knew. That’s why he—” she swallows thickly. “There’s no excuses as to why he treated you the way he did. But I know the things he said about you when you weren’t around. He never admitted the truth in so many words, but his betrayal was always there. I also knew, looking at Sam everyday when I looked at your face, why Neil was always so angry with you and your mother. I was angry with the both of you too.” She looks at the pictures in front of her on the table. “That’s why I never tried to stop him. I’m sorry, Billy. For everything.” Susan is crying now. “I tried to make up for it when you were stuck in county awaiting sentencing. It was the very least I could do.” She whimpers, wiping at her eyes angrily. “Before leaving California, Sam started poking around when he found out Neil and I were together. We married three months after reconnecting. I was so stupid for doing it, and I can’t even say that I loved him. It only took a couple of months of Sam trying to worm his way in before Neil decided it was time for us to move far away. That’s how we ended up in Hawkins.”
That pressing weight that Billy had pushed down, can’t be held off anymore, and it’s sitting heavily on his chest. He can’t breathe, and he thinks it’s gonna cave in at any moment. Billy knows that this time around there won’t be a second chance. He looks between Susan and Steve’s pitying faces, and he gets up and walks right out of the motel room. Billy ignores Steve calling after him.
***
“You can’t ignore me forever you piece of shit! dickwad! cocksucking! motherfucker!” Each curse is punctuated with a pounding against the door of the used bookstore’s back room. There’s a low rumble of someone talking calmly, that contrasts the desperate, high pitched voice, of Max. It’s even lower than Steve’s voice which means it’s probably Lucas. Sometime recently the kid’s balls must’ve dropped. “Open the goddamn door, Billy!” Another hit against the wood, and it sounds like Max is ramming her wheelchair against it.
It’s been a couple of days, and he’s been in hiding. Old man Higgins has been manning the store, shaking his head in disappointment at Billy’s behavior as he holes up in the back room.
“You better answer your sister before I take money out of your paycheck for the splintered wood.” His boss looks at him with a sardonic brow over his reading glasses and turns back to the front of the store.
Billy just wants to be left the fuck alone.
Steve’s already tried a few times, but Billy ignored him. This is Max’s second try, and he’s not sure he’s ready to face her, his sister. Those two words mean more now, than they ever have before.
“Please, Billy. Just open the door. My mom told me everything, okay? I just want to talk to you. Please?”
He drags hands down his wearied face. Billy has stubble from a couple of days of growth, and his body aches from sleeping in an old office chair. And he needs a shower. It’s time to face his fucked up reality…
Billy gets up and yanks open the door. He looks down at Max. Her face looks as tired as he feels; there’s bags under her eyes, and her hair is a mess. She looks disgruntled as she stares back at him. Billy glances up and spots Lucas standing behind her with a grimace, but there’s a relief on his face too. He nods at Billy, like he’s pleased Billy didn’t turn Max away.
“I’ll come back later.” Lucas mumbles before turning and walking away, leaving Max and Billy alone.
He moves out of the way, and she wheels into the back room awkwardly. He shuts the door behind her, and the silence between them is weighted with tension.
She glares, “he’s gonna be here in a couple of days—”
“Max—”
“You’re gonna meet him.”
“I’m not doing shit, Maxine. That man means fuck all to me.”
“He’s your dad. Your real dad.” Billy lets out a bark of laughter that edges on hysteria. Max growls, “don’t you fucking get it, Billy?! Don’t you care?! This answers everything! Why Neil was such a piece of shit! Why he dragged us out here! Why my mom let him do what he did to you for so long! Why Neil never wanted me and you to be close and have a good relationship! This means we can forget Neil even fucking exists! He doesn’t have to mean anything to either one of us! You’re the one who said were just gonna fucking do what we gotta do! It’s time to let it go, Billy!”
The words hit him right where they were meant to. Right in the fucking chest. Dead center. Billy can’t hold it in. He purges out the poison and cries. Billy cries harder than he thinks he ever has before. He can’t really stay on his feet, and he falls heavily in the office chair. It goes on forever. At some point, he feels Max lean over and wrap her arms around his shoulders while he shakes. His tears slow, and he lets in one final, shuddering breath.
“I don’t understand why my mom would leave me with him if she knew the truth. Everything that has happened since she left, I can’t even blame Neil anymore. I blame her.”
Max sniffles, and he realizes she was crying too. “She doesn’t have to mean anything to you either, you know. I think trying to hold onto her might be hurting you more than helping you, Billy.”
He nods, accepting that idea. His mother is the reason the weight exists in the first place. Billy knows that.
“I think I’d like to meet him.” He looks up at Max with an exhausted smile.
“Good.” She smiles back. “You just gotta be yourself.”
***
The first thing Billy notices, is the smirk on his face. It’s not malicious; it’s relaxed and maybe a bit playful.
Sam Mayfield doesn’t ooze awkwardness or hesitance. He seems at ease with this entire situation. His hair is sandy blonde, shaggy with bangs that fall into his eyes. He reminds Billy of Robert Redford. There’s a confidence to him that also reminds Billy of…Billy. The only difference is that it doesn’t seem faked or forced. He’s just naturally confident. Billy envies that.
“Dad,” Max starts, “this is Billy.” She keeps her eyes on Billy and gestures between them. “Billy, this is our dad, Sam Mayfield.”
The man sticks out a hand, and Billy meets it in a handshake. It’s easy enough, and his hand is warm and firm in Billy’s.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Billy.” Billy can only nod. “I was hoping we could talk?”
“Sure, whatever.” Billy slips his hand out of Sam’s grip and steps back.
“Max and I will finish up lunch.” Sam brushes his hand over Max’s head while Susan takes her wheelchair handles. They move up the ramp and inside the trailer, leaving Billy outside with Sam.
They watch the two of them disappear before Sam starts talking. “I wanted to start by saying thank you.”
Billy turns back to him with a frown, “for what?”
“Well, last summer, in that mall fire. I know you were injured pretty severely, saving Max and her friends.”
“Oh, that.” Billy looks away from Sam’s earnest expression of gratitude.
“Yes, that. I came to see Max and you in late July, but Neil was still in the picture at the time. He wouldn’t hear of me going anywhere near you; we managed to keep the whole incident from you and Max because Susan thought it’d hurt your progress healing from your injuries.” He sighs. “Susan called hysterical one day a few months later; she explained what landed you in county jail, standing up to Neil, even after you were hurt. That takes guts, kid. Then everything happened to Max with the earthquake. I came to Hawkins again, but you were still in jail, and I honestly didn’t know what to do or say that could make you understand why I was there to visit you, and I chickened out.”
Billy sits on the porch, and Sam sits beside him. He still isn’t sure what to ask the man next to him, other than his urge to ask about his mother…
“You and my mom—”
Sam lets out a groan that sounds pained. He rubs a hand on the back of his neck, and Billy almost laughs, seeing the man’s confidence seep out of him in an instant.
“Your mother was an enigma—and an addiction. I always think back on that time with both fondness and shame.”
“Do you regret it?”
“The only regret is how much I hurt Susan.”
“Why’d you do it?”
Sam huffs, shrugging. “I was young and foolish when I met your mother. I was in love with Susan, but there was something about Mary; she just seemed so alive. I’d never met someone so spirited. Anytime I thought I had an understanding of who your mother was, she’d shift and change. Mary could be so gentle and loving, and the next, spiteful and unfeeling. Regardless, she burned so brightly, and I was a moth to a flame.”
“It’s hard to disagree when she always told me that she loved me, but she still left me with Neil.”
Sam nods. “I always knew who Neil was. I tried to convince her to leave him before she told me she was pregnant with you. She told me he’d always been controlling and violent. When he came back from Vietnam, he was worse, and I know she was frightened of him. I hate to think running into the two of you is what made her finally leave Neil.” He sighs. “It’d be different if she came to look for me, but she didn’t. Maybe I was a reminder of what she could have had, and she didn’t have to stick around for his abuse. Which is a positive in its own way, but you didn’t deserve your mother not taking you with her, Billy.” He turns his body towards Billy, but Billy can’t manage to make eye contact with the man. Instead, he keeps his gaze ahead, to the empty trailer that once belonged to the Munsons. Their own tragedy, making Billy feel a bout of sadness for Wayne’s loss. “You may not want to hear this, but had I known, I would’ve tried to do something. I didn’t tell Susan this, but I tried looking for you both after I ran into you two.”
“Why?”
“Because I finally knew you were mine. It wasn’t the same as when she told me she was pregnant, and Neil was the father. Who was I to deny her then? She made up her mind, and it didn’t include me, just like it didn’t include you when she left Neil.” Sam sighs. “I can only assume your complicated feelings towards your mother. Towards Neil too. And you may not want anything to do with me. But had I known from the start, I would’ve been there. I need you to understand that. You’re grown now, but I hope it isn’t too late. I hope we can at least be friends.”
“Well, it’s not like I have any parents anymore—not that I really had any to begin with.”
Sam lets out a sad laugh, “then I’d love to be included in your life, if you want me to be.”
“How long are you sticking around here?”
“Max seems to both hate and love it here. She didn’t have too many friends in California, but here she has plenty. At the same time, look what’s happened to her in Hawkins. If it were up to me, I’d bring all of you back to California with me. What do you think?”
“Old man Higgins wants to leave me the bookstore when he dies. He has kids, but they don’t want anything to do with it.”
“You read; Max and Susan said as much. I’m a philosopher myself, although people think I tend to drone on and on about the things I’m passionate about.”
Billy shrugs, “getting lost in fictional worlds is better than…” he gestures around vaguely.
Sam laughs, “so you intend on staying here, for the bookstore? You think making a life here is something you’d like? I could’ve swore Max mentioned how much you missed California.”
”I missed it because my mother was there. Now there is no one in California—” he looks at Sam sheepishly, “no offense.”
”Okay. But is there someone here you’d stick around for either?”
Billy shrugs. He can’t find it in him to mention Steve. He has no way of knowing how their relationship is gonna pan out. Sometimes he thinks Steve’s affection is pity, but it’s all in Billy’s head, really. Plus, he doesn’t know how the man next to him would react to Billy being gay. It’s a shitty way to be reminded of all of the violence and insults Neil lobbed at him because Billy couldn’t hide the truth from Neil. Billy can only assume Sam would react the same way.
The squeak of worn brakes coming up the drive has Billy looking up. Seeing Steve pull up to the trailer makes him stiffen. He steps out of the Beamer cautiously, and Billy glowers. He’d told him he was meeting Sam today, and he was panicking about it. Steve offered to be there, but Billy told him no. It seems he chose not to listen…
“Hey,” Steve waves awkwardly.
“I hope that’s not another kid of mine.” Sam says it with humor in his voice, and Billy turns his glower on him. Sam huffs a laugh, “tough crowd.” Sam stands as Steve comes close, sticking out a hand. Steve shakes it. “Hello, I’m Sam. Billy and Max’s dad.”
Billy blanches. It’s a shock to hear the man say it out loud.
He’s Billy’s dad. His real dad.
Max is his sister. His real sister.
It’s a total mind fuck.
“This is Steve…” Billy finally catches up and stands awkwardly, not really knowing what else to say as an introduction, calling him a friend feels like a cop out.
“He’s Billy’s boyfriend.” Susan pipes up from the doorway.
Billy stiffens, whipping his head around and looking at Susan with betrayal; his eyes wide. Steve shuffles closer to Billy, and Billy turns his head to look up at Steve’s flushed cheeks.
“Susan,” Sam says in admonishment. “They might’ve not wanted me to know that yet.”
She raises her hands looking sheepish. “Sorry.”
Sam clears his throat, “I’m sorry about that too, boys.” He huffs; his face it’s own shade of pink. “Uhm, well, since Susan has outed you two, you should know it doesn’t matter to me. My brother, your Uncle Jack,” he motions to Billy, “he’s been with his partner for about twenty years now. I’d love to introduce the two of you to him sometime.”
Billy snorts, “you know a couple of old ‘mos?”
“I do; Jack and Jill, they call themselves. Nevermind the incestuous implication, Jack’s partner, James, just loves being a drama queen.”
Steve chortles, “so does Billy.”
Billy sticks an elbow in Steve’s gut, and the older boy chokes on his laughter.
Susan is giggling, and she motions for them to come inside. “Lunch is almost ready.”
Steve rubs at his stomach. “I’ll help you finish.” He disappears inside with Susan.
“So, that’s your boyfriend?”
Billy nods, “yeah, that’s him.” He looks at Sam’s easy smile. “You really don’t mind?”
“Not even a little, Billy.”
He swallows down his emotion and clears his throat. “I’m not sure Max would be ready to leave Lucas, or El, or any of the rest of her friends. She’s been having a hard time adjusting, and they’re a good support system. And I—I have Steve here…”
“Well, there isn’t much tying me to California aside from my brother, but a few years away, until Max graduates, and the relationship between you and me is settled, won’t hurt anyone. Maybe I could find a good job around here, get Susan out of this godawful trailer park…”
“You’d do that?”
Sam reaches out a gentle hand, putting it on Billy’s shoulder, “it’s not even a question, Billy. Being here with you, Max, Susan, it’s where I want to be.”
Billy feels himself breathing in deeply, something loosening in his chest as he smiles at his dad.